CHAPTER 16
A few weeks passed and very little improved for Theo. If anything, he regressed from where he had previously been. He had become more withdrawn, barely speaking in either Glee or Football, merely getting the job done in both and not getting involved any more than that. He still had a few friends though. Santana was by far his best friend, and given that he was living with her, she was his only real confidant, even if he was still keeping quite a few secrets from her. He was also pretty close to Sam, who was always a breath of fresh air with his endless optimism and hopeful spirit, something Theo couldn't relate to. He also had a weird relationship with Quinn. It was like they were in a limbo. They weren't quite sure where they stood in each other's eyes, knowing that they both wanted to be more than just friends but Theo was reluctant to pursue anything more than that.
So time ticked on, with Theo still stumbling through a dark forest of depression and misery, one that contained no sign of letting up anytime soon. The "fresh start" that he had hoped to get in Lima was beginning to seem like a pipe dream, as he sat at the back of Glee rehearsal that day, not saying a word, wrapped up deep within his thoughts and emotion.
"What's the lesson for today, Mr. Schue?" Rachel asked eagerly, as Mr. Schue approached the whiteboard. Mr. Schue smiled widely at the group and shook his head.
"Not a lesson, Rachel. A competition! I know how much you guys love competing against each other, and I know that we have some new members to the club, so I figured what better way to help them truly settle into the New Directions environment than throw them head first into our annual mashups competition!"
In an instant, the temperature of the room changed. It got a few degrees hotter as everybody shifted around in their seats, eager to get going. Well, except Theo, who remained confused, pulling himself out from his dark train of thoughts and instead forcing himself to concentrate on the lesson.
"I'm sorry… mashup competition?" He asked. Mr. Schue nodded.
"A mashup is when you take two completely random songs and mash them together into one." Mr. Schue explained. Theo nodded.
"Yeah, yeah. I know that." He responded. "But how is that a competition? Do we all make one and then you decide on the best one?"
"Better. It's boys vs. girls." Sam told him. "Each group writes one, and then we perform and then Mr. Schue and Ms. Pillsbury vote on a winner."
"The boys won both sophomore and junior year, so we need to make a really good one so it becomes three in a row." Finn added. Rachel's head whipped around to face her boyfriend, an indignant look on her face.
"What are you talking about?! Sophomore year we both got disqualified, and then last year, we won!"
"Um… Rach, you might want to check your memory, because I seem to remember last year, we were miles better than you guys." Finn commented.
"How'd you guys both get disqualified in sophomore year?" Theo quietly asked Sam, who was sitting beside him. "Just so I know what I should avoid doing."
"I don't think you have anything to worry about avoiding. We all got high as fuck on meth right before they performed." Sam, who was sitting next to Theo, told him. Theo nearly choked on air.
"I'm sorry… what?!" Theo exclaimed. "Is that legal?!"
"Not at all. Hence the double disqualification." Mr. Schue responded. "So how about this? You guys can't decide who won in sophomore and junior year? Fine. Make this year a winner-takes-all. You both start at 0-0, and whoever wins this year's mashup competition gets all the bragging rights."
Once again, the atmosphere in the room amped up even further, as all 14 of them were chomping at the bit.
"Is there a theme for this year?" Mercedes asked. "And follow up question… can that theme be 'Rachel Berry and Finn Hudson can't solo'?"
Mr. Schue shook his head.
"Who solos is, as always, totally up to you guys." He told them. "But there is a theme though. And the theme is Love and Hate. Pretty simple: one of the songs in your mashup has to be about love and joy, and the other one about hate and anger. Ms. Pillsbury was our guest judge in previous years and she has graciously agreed again to be our guest judge this year. Anyone have any questions?"
Nobody responded and Mr. Schuester smiled widely, clapping his hands together.
"Great! Let's get started!"
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"Alright guys… ideas time. Has anyone got any?" Finn asked. The boys sat in an empty classroom, sitting around a whiteboard that Blaine had just written "Mashup ideas" on and circled it. The girls had claimed the choir room, so the boys were forced to resort to the neighboring classroom. Theo was honestly shocked at how engaged the other guys suddenly were, as 90% of Glee club seemed to be Rachel talking and everyone else humoring her. Within minutes, they had song ideas of all genres - rock and roll, pop, rap, RnB, country, even some broadway ideas from Kurt - written on the board, split into two halves: love and hate. They were very confident to say the least. In previous years, the girls' vocals were a lot better than theirs and they had to rely on charisma, choreography and extra effects to gain an edge. But this year, with both Blaine and Theo joining them as new recruits, the vocal playing field had definitely been levelled, and with the others also there, if anything the boys were the stronger team and were the favourites.
By the end of their brainstorming session, Theo was the only one who hadn't yet spoken, and the reason for that was that he looked pretty preoccupied with something on his phone. It didn't take long for the other guys to notice that too, and before Theo could react, Puck had snatched the phone out of Theo' hands and began looking through it eagerly.
"What are you doing on your phone there, Theo?" Puck asked gleefully.
"Could it be that you're actually texting one of those Cheerios you said were so shallow?" Sam remarked. Theo glared at both of them and tried to snatch the phone from Puck, but the boy kept it just out of reach as he read through Theo' messages. His eyes widened as he saw the name written at the top of the chat, and his grin did too.
"Oh, no. Sam, it's even better than that!" Puck exclaimed. "Congratulations, Hummel. By the time graduation comes around, you're going to be the only member of this entire Glee club that hasn't tried to get with Quinn!"
"Wait… you're trying to get with Quinn?" Sam asked, shocked.
"3 weeks into the year the drama begins." Kurt murmured, sotto voce, to Blaine. Theo finally managed to grab the phone from them and shook his head.
"No. No drama! I'm not trying to 'get with' Quinn. We're just friends." Theo stated. However, he quickly found his phone snatched away from him, and eagerly looked at by a curious Artie and Mike. As they read the messages themselves, their eyebrows all raised.
"Theo, man, this definitely isn't just friends talking." Mike remarked, entertained.
"Exactly. We're friends, right? I haven't seen you send me any of these messages." Artie added. Theo shrugged, getting more annoyed and embarrassing with each passing second.
"What can I say? Guess we aren't friends then." Theo snapped at him. That was a lie. Other than Quinn, Artie was probably the closest friend he had made since arriving, and for a moment, Theo felt a pang of guilt for the insult. Luckily, Artie didn't take it too personally though, and merely raised an eyebrow.
"Right. And that wasn't at all defensive." He remarked. Theo sighed and spread his arms wide.
"Fine! I like her! Is that what you guys want to hear? I like her!" Theo shouted. "What's not to like? She's kind to me, she's badass, and in case you haven't noticed, she's gorgeous!"
"Um, at risk of sounding stupid… well, stupider than I normally sound…" Sam said. "Normally when someone likes someone else, they ask them out."
Theo shook his head.
"Well that's not going to happen." He said, firmness in his voice. Puck nodded.
"Ahhhh I see what this is." Puck commented. "You heard I've already slept with her and you're afraid of having to follow me."
"Afraid of the STDs I'm going to get from it maybe." Theo was quick to shoot back. "No, that's not why I'm not going to do it."
"Why not then?" Blaine asked, curiously. Theo shook his head.
"Leave it alone. Seriously." Theo demanded quietly.
"Oh, my God! I think he might be gay!" Puck exclaimed gleefully. Theo clenched his jaw, seriously annoyed by this line of questioning. He hadn't told any of them about Marley - Santana and Quinn were the only people who knew - and he didn't plan on it. He didn't owe them a reason. But that fact made this conversation that much harder.
"I can assure you, I'm not gay." Theo snapped, his anger rising. "But I'm also not asking Quinn out. And as for why? Well that's none of your fucking business, is it?"
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"Girl… what's up with you and Theo?"
Quinn's head shot up in the choir room, and she turned to face Mercedes, who had asked the question, extremely interested to hear the answer. Quinn raised an eyebrow.
"I don't know. What's up with me and Theo?" She asked. Mercedes laughed.
"Come on! You can't expect us to not notice it! You were the one who convinced him to join Glee in the first place. You did that whole introduction project together, and have been eye-banging each other left and right ever since."
"And what was that all about the other week with you getting insanely upset about him even joking about dating other girls?" Tina added.
"Yeah, spill, Quinn. What happened between you guys during the last assignment?" Rachel asked. Quinn sighed.
"Well not much happened to be honest. If you're expecting some drama or some romance, you're going to be disappointed. We didn't kiss or anything. He literally just came over, he did the assignment, and he left."
"That's it? So there's really nothing going on between these guys? You don't have a crush on him?" Mercedes asked, confused.
"Look, I don't know what to tell you guys. He's really nice. And he was really easy to talk to. We had a great time doing the assignment together." Quinn admitted.
"You didn't answer Mercedes' question." Rachel remarked. "Quinn Fabray, do you have a crush on Theo?"
Quinn was silent for a long time and didn't answer, but that told the other girls everything they needed to know.
"Oh, my God! You do! You do like him!" Tina exclaimed.
"Yeah, fine, I do. Sue me! He's nice. Attractive. Fun. Just a great guy. But I don't think he feels that way about me back." Quinn admitted quietly.
"Girl, you're crazy! Why wouldn't he like you?" Mercedes asked. Quinn took out her phone and passed it to the rest of the group.
"Look at these texts I've sent him. I've been pretty obvious that I like him. But he hasn't shown any sign that he likes me back." Quinn told them. They all read through the messages, before looking back up at Quinn, a little bit of sympathy in their eyes.
"Okay, no, that doesn't mean anything. He could just be unaware of you dropping these hints." Rachel commented.
"Yeah, Rachel's right. Maybe you just need to be a bit more direct with Theo." Mercedes suggested.
"How do I do that?" Quinn asked them. The other girls shrugged.
"Easy. Just ask him out." Tina told her. Quinn raised an eyebrow nervously at them.
"I ask him out? How?" Quinn asked. The other girls looked at her, confused.
"What do you mean, how?" Rachel asked. Realization then dawned on them. "Wait… you've never asked anyone out before, have you?"
"Why? You have?" Quinn asked, shocked.
"All of us have!" Mercedes exclaimed.
"Put it this way, Quinn. Men are… simple creatures. Even if they know what they want, they often can't find the ability to get it. Sometimes they need a bit of an extra push." Rachel stated. Quinn slowly nodded. Never in a million years did she ever expect to be getting guy advice from Rachel Berry of all people, but honestly right now she needed it. Because she truly cared about Theo. She cared about him in a deeper way than she had cared about Finn, Sam, Puck, pretty much anyone she had ever met. It was completely involuntary, a feeling within her soul, one that no matter what she did, she couldn't seem to turn off. She knew that the only way to quell the longing and heartache would be if she asked him out. But that was easier said than done, because making the first move was something Quinn had never done before. Maybe it was time. If this thing with Theo had even a chance of being as special as she made it out to be in her head, she knew that she needed to take the first step if he wasn't going to.
"So what do I do?" Quinn eventually asked her. Tina handed the phone back to Quinn.
"Well, you're going to text him right now, asking if he wants to go out with you tonight. Simple as that…"
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"Don't."
Quinn's finger had been hovering over the send button on her phone for what must've been an eternity. The other Glee girls had left school for the afternoon, or so Quinn thought at least. But the sound of Santana's voice caused her to look up and see the Latina standing opposite her in the choir room.
"Pardon?" Quinn asked her friend.
Santana took a deep breath. She had been wrestling with a complex dilemma that afternoon, after listening to the way the Glee girls had been talking about Theo and Quinn. Santana was one of very few who knew about Theo's recent loss, and she wasn't sure whether Quinn did either. That being said, she knew that Theo definitely wasn't in the place to be dating anyone, and Santana didn't want her friend to get hurt, so Santana had a choice to make: she could either tell Theo's secret to Quinn to save Theo getting hurt but risk Quinn getting hurt; or she could not tell Quinn, and risk her getting hurt, but save Theo getting hurt.
"I… I need you to do me a favour." Santana told her. "No questions asked. Please don't send that message."
"What? Why?" Quinn asked her friend, taken aback and confused. Santana sighed.
"I… I can't say. Just please, please don't send that message."
That's when Quinn remembered. How could she have forgotten?! She felt so stupid. She had forgotten all about how Theo must've been feeling after losing his wife less than a year prior. She had been so absorbed and wrapped up by her own feelings, that she had forgotten about his.
Santana noticed the rapid change in expression on Quinn's face and she raised an eyebrow.
"You know?" Santana asked, slightly incredulously. Quinn nodded.
"He told me while we were working on that introductory assignment together." Quinn admitted. "Wait… how do you know?"
A slight tone of defensiveness dripped into Quinn's words. Although her and Theo weren't together in any way, Quinn couldn't deny that she had some kind of feelings for him.
"Quinn, him and I live together, remember?" Santana told her. Another thought that often slipped her mind. Quinn slowly nodded. "Look, for your own sake, maybe it's better if you don't go out with him. I don't think he's emotionally ready to be taking that step, and I don't want either of you to get hurt."
"Wow. You don't want either of us to get hurt? Who are you and what have you done with Santana Lopez?" Quinn remarked jokingly, attempting to lighten the mood. But Santana did not crack even the faintest of smiles.
"I'm not joking. Don't go through with this. He's not ready." Santana told him. Although she'd never admit it, she was actually coming to really enjoy living with Theo. He had quickly become one of her best friends, and she felt a strange feeling of protectiveness over him.
"Maybe he is though. Maybe this could be exactly what he needs to take that next step forward." Quinn said. Santana shook her head.
"Trust me, it isn't. This is just going to end badly for both of you." Santana stated.
"You don't know that." Quinn argued.
"I really do." Santana muttered. She felt like she knew Theo better than anyone, certainly better than Quinn, who was only acting on her own romantic feelings.
"You don't!" Quinn exclaimed, getting more and more worked up.
"You're right. I don't! And I can't stop you!" Santana exclaimed, getting annoyed herself now. "But don't say I didn't warn you when this all goes to shit."
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Dinner together Friday night at Breadsticks?
As Theo read the message he had just received from Quinn over and over again, his eyes were so wide they nearly bugged out of his head. Quinn was asking him to dinner? What did she mean? Was she asking him out? Was this just a friend's outing? Theo's mind was spinning out of control as he read the message, like a broken helicopter spiraling towards the ground below, preparing for a fiery crash.
Dating was the last thing on Theo's mind. But if he was being really honest… that was only the case because he forced it to be. He liked Quinn, there was no point really denying that. But to date her? He couldn't do that. He was a married man, committed until his last breath to Marley, and he truly intended to take that bond to the grave.
There was a small voice within him, however, that tried to argue otherwise. And the mere thought of it, the mere thought of dating someone who wasn't Marley, caused him to tremble so violently that his phone almost slipped out of his hands. His mind was in shambles, he exact opposite of what he needed right now, as he was sitting in the empty locker room a short while before McKinley High's next football game, Theo's first game on the team.
Theo had arrived to the locker room a few hours before the game, a habit he had to try and get him mentally and physically ready for the game ahead, but there was little point doing that now. His mind was an utter and total mess, made even more so as he slowly opened his football bag and pulled out the picture of Marley again. Seeing her, seeing her smiling at him, was enough to cause stabs of guilt to rip through him at even considering agreeing to the date with Quinn, his mind becoming more and more out of control by the second. Before he could react or stop it, he felt himself pulled into yet another flashback.
"How are you feeling? Nervous?"
Theo sat in the Miami High School locker room, Marley sitting beside him. 2 hours before the big game, the Florida State Championship Final, and nobody had arrived just yet, so the couple had the locker room to themselves. The stands were already packed outside though. Football was like a religion in Florida, and so even a high school game was treated like a spectacular affair. Which was great for any neutrals, but definitely not great for the young Quarterback, who was beginning to shiver in fear.
"Yes. Very." Theo admitted in reply. "Do I look nervous?"
"You've… you've looked better." Marley admitted, concerned by how pale her boyfriend looked.
"Hey! You're supposed to say I look fine." Theo grumbled, indignantly. Marley giggled and shrugged.
"Come on, you know I'd never lie to you!" She giggled. Just the sound of her laugh… it was enough to cause a faint smile to grace Theo's lips, and it calmed him considerably.
"How many people are out there?" Theo asked her, gesturing to the stadium outside, that was so loud Theo could feel the vibrations from their stomping all the way from the locker room. As Theo's eyes drifted towards the door, where everyone was awaiting him to perform, Marley gently held his head so he was looking her in the eye.
"Don't worry about any of them. When you're playing, just focus on me." She told him. "Whenever you feel nervous or overwhelmed, think about me up there in the stands. I'll be cheering for you."
Marley's words did wonders to calm him down, her kindness the exact opposite approach as what had been used for his anxiety in the past, and it was most certainly welcome. Theo nodded, feeling excitement and anticipation finally managed to break through the wall of fear that had been holding them back. This was it. This was the celebration of an entire season of hard work. And he was going to own it…
By the time Theo had managed to snap out of his flashback, a few things had occurred. For one, Theo's mind was even more fucked up than ever before, his heart feeling like it was being squeezed by a cold, metal grip, so hard that he could hardly breathe. The other thing that Theo had noticed was that most of the team was beginning to arrive, so he needed to start getting ready for the game.
Quickly slipping the picture of Marley into his bag before anyone could see it, Theo began to put on his shoulder brace, feeling his hands shaking violently as he did so. He was such a mess. As he put on the brace, he grimaced slightly, remembering how he had ended up with the lingering shoulder issue in the first place. But any physical pain was welcome right now, as it distracted him from the severe emotional turmoil he was in, as well the amount of pressure he was under to perform tonight…
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"Finn? Theo? Come into my office, please."
Finn and Theo knew exactly what this was about. They looked at one another nervously, before following Beiste into her office. It was about an hour before the game, and the team was going to go outside to warm up soon. However, there was one order of business that needed to be sorted out first. The two players stepped into the coach's office, standing face to face with her, as she delivered the much-awaited decision.
"First of all, I want to say how proud I am of both of you. You've put in a great few weeks of practice. You've pushed each other well to improve, and exemplified what spirited competition should look like." Beiste told them. "But… you know I can only start one of you at Quarterback tonight. And I've decided to start Theo. I'm sorry, Finn. Both of you will still be playing on defense, but when we're attacking, Finn, you're going to remain on the bench. Okay?"
With that, Beiste walked out of the room, ready to address her team and psych them up for the game ahead. Theo and Finn were briefly left in the locker room together, and Theo turned to Finn.
"Hey, look, I'm sorry, man. I…"
But before Theo could say anything else, Finn turned on his heel and walked out of the room. With everything else going on, drama with Finn was the last thing Theo needed, so he forced himself to put his mind on the task ahead. Easier said than done though…
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An hour later, the game began, and there was certainly intrigue among the McKinley High Titans. After a disappointing first game, the supporters now found themselves watching an almost entirely new team. The biggest change undoubtedly came in the Quarterback spot, as the Titans watched their captains remain on the bench as the game started, replaced by the new kid who most of them had never seen play. The pressure was on Theo to perform in front of all of them, to prove that Beiste had made the right decision dropping their captain, MVP and former talisman for him.
And Theo… didn't. He didn't even come close to doing that. While his body had shown up to the game, his mind certainly hadn't. His mind was somewhere completely different, unable to focus on the game as he couldn't bring his mind away from his wife. A combination of missing her, as well as feeling guilty about even thinking about accepting the date with Quinn, led to Theo missing passes left and right, making very little progress.
For the second game in a row, McKinley found themselves losing, and the crowd were making their feelings known, whistles and boos ringing around the stadium. They fell like a blanket over the football team on the field, all of them getting increasingly frustrated by their team's lack of performance. Pinned down in their own end by their opponents, they needed a big play from their Quarterback and they needed it now…
All of a sudden, right after Theo was snapped the ball and held it in his hands, preparing to throw, he heard it…
"Let's go, Theo!"
Immediately, Theo's head whipped around, so quickly that he nearly got whiplash. He knew that voice. It had somehow risen above the incessant booing, jeering and whistling that was going on in the stadium, and he would've recognized it anywhere. It was Marley! But how? How could that even be possible?
"Come on, Theo! You can do it!"
Hearing the voice again, Theo stood completely immobile, like a deer in headlights, the ball still in his grasp, threatening to go limp. His head began to scan all around the arena - on the field, on the sidelines, in the stands - desperately searching for his wife. She was here! She was here!
She wasn't. A few moments later, Theo laid eyes on the person who had been shouting, and his heart, that had briefly felt an inkling of hope, sank like a stone. It wasn't Marley. It was just a random Cheerio who happened to have a similar voice to her.
The unfamiliar blonde teenager was the last thing Theo saw before he was smashed to the ground by a brutish hulk of a linebacker…
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Knock! Knock! Knock!
"Come in!" Theo called. It was later that night and he was sitting in his bedroom, holding a bag of ice to his shoulder, which was still throbbing in pain. The game had ended a few hours ago, and it had been another less-than-pretty result for McKinley High. Theo's night had been absolutely miserable. Coach Beiste had subbed him off for Finn right after he had gotten tackled, and the teenager had been booed off the field by every single McKinley High supporter. That wasn't what he cared about right now though. There were other things on his mind, the same thing that had been on his mind for 8 months.
Theo looked up to see Santana opening the door and walking into his bedroom, a faint smirk on her face as she saw him grimacing in pain. Theo sighed.
"Look, Santana, if you're here to tell me how shit I was today, I've already heard it from Coach Beiste, the entire team, and half the school by now. So please… save it for tomorrow."
Santana didn't say anything, and instead simply walked over to him and took the bag of ice from his hand, pressing it to his shoulder herself. He winced as she pushed the ice down pretty hard, the joint flaring up in pain. They stayed like that in silence for a long while, before Santana finally spoke.
"You know, for someone who says he wanted to play pro football at some point in his life, I really thought you'd at least be decent."
"Thanks." Theo muttered, glaring at her.
"I mean that was bad! Like really, really bad! Like even Finn could've done better than that! I could've probably done better than that!"
"Is there a point to this?" Theo grumbled tiredly.
"What happened?" She asked. Theo furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.
"What do you mean, what happened? I choked. That's what happened." He stated. That was easier to say anyway than the actual reason. Unfortunately though, it didn't look like Santana was buying it.
"Come on, don't give me that." She snapped. "I haven't seen you play before, so for all I know, you really are that shit. But from where I was standing, it didn't look to me like your head was in the game. You seemed distracted. I mean at the end there, you literally stood there looking around for like 30 seconds, not throwing the ball, until you got hit."
A long silence overtook them once before, Theo internally debating what to say next, before he finally spoke up.
"I heard someone." He admitted quietly. "Or I… I thought I heard someone."
"Who?" Santana asked, although she felt like she already knew the answer to that. Theo's eyes flickered to the picture frame by his bedside, not possessing the strength to even say her name by this point, but thankfully Santana understood immediately. "Oh."
"Yeah…" Theo sighed, his head slumping downwards, unable to look her in the eye. "It wasn't. Obviously. But I just… I thought I did. That's why I didn't throw the ball."
"And the rest of the game?" Santana asked, almost gently.
"The rest of the game… I just couldn't focus. I was feeling so, so guilty." Theo whispered. It was Santana's turn for the confusion.
"About?" She sighed and pulled out his phone, handing it over to Santana.
Once again, Theo didn't need to say a word. Santana didn't even need to turn it on to know what notification she was going to see on the top of the screen, and she scowled at it in annoyance.
"Quinn…" She snarled. "Look, Theo, you don't have to say yes to that, you know?"
Theo nodded.
"I know. But that's actually not what I was feeling so shitty about." He said. "I felt really guilty, really bad, that a small part of me wanted to say yes."
Admitting it out loud, Theo felt like he was going to throw up, the feelings of guilt overwhelming him. He couldn't bear to speak any louder than the faintest of whispers. It was almost like he was scared if he was too loud, Marley would hear him. Because this… this was the opposite of why he had agreed to move to lima. He wanted to be someone Marley was proud of. Not the opposite.
"You… you shouldn't feel bad about wanting to go out on a date with Quinn. I mean… your wife… she passed away 8 months ago. You shouldn't feel guilty about moving on." Santana eventually said. "And, don't you dare tell her I said this, but Quinn's actually a really great girl."
"I know that." Theo murmured. "And that's why there's no chance in hell I'm going to go out with someone like her."
"Why not?" Santana asked.
"Because look what happened the last time!" Theo suddenly exploded. "Marley… she didn't deserve that! And Quinn certainly doesn't deserve that either! I can't go anywhere near Quinn or I'm going to hurt her, just like I do everyone else! Just like I did Marley!"
Theo bellowed at the top of his lungs for a few moments, Santana remaining very silent as he did. She could sense that there was more to what Theo was saying that she didn't know, but she also knew that Theo was at the very end of his emotional rope, and wasn't about to pressure him into talking. Instead, she allowed him to vent his emotions, before trailing off into heavy, heaving breaths.
"Santana…" Theo whispered, much quieter now. "There's something I need to tell you about my wife… about Marley's death."
Santana leaned forward slightly, intrigued at what Theo had to say, the topic never really having been brought up by him before.
"It was my fault. It was all my fault." He admitted, his voice trembling. "I was driving the night she died. I had had a couple of drinks, and I still offered to drive us home. It was really dark, and I didn't notice the other car swerving towards us."
As Theo confessed, he didn't notice that Santana had just put down the bag of ice that had previously been in her hands.
"I'm the reason she's gone, Santana." Theo whispered, tears threatening to fill his eyes. "I'm a monster. I'm a fucking monster, and I ruin the lives of anyone who so much as cares about me. That's why I don't deserve anything good. That's why I can't be allowed to get close to anyone. That's why I deserve nothing but pure hell from the moment he wakes up every morning to the moment the nightmares finally take over at night. The purest soul, kindest heart is no longer here, and it's all my fault. And I'm scared… I'm fucking terrified, about who I'm going to hurt next. You? Quinn? The Glee club? I…"
Theo's voice trailed off as Santana did something he never expected, and quite frankly she never expected either: she gave him a hug. Having put down the ice, Santana wrapped her arms around him and held him in a comforting embrace, gently stroking his back. She was shockingly comforting, saying quiet, calming reassurances as she held him.
Telling Santana was a massive weight and burden off his shoulders. She was the first person in Lima who knew, but more than that… she was the first person in the world who knew, and didn't consider him to be a murderer. Santana could sense that Theo wasn't in the mood to listen to her telling him that he was actually a good person. At least, not right then. So all she did that night was comfort him.