A/N: This one was a doozy. Warnings for depression, suicidal ideation, character deaths, mention of rape/pedophilia.

The first memories that Hua Cheng could remember were his parents. His mother, singing a gentle little lullaby and patting his stomach as he slowly fell asleep, and his father lifting him up high as he giggled uncontrollably, and his father was giggling, too. There were ups and downs, but overall he had a fond memory of his parents.

Then the car accident happened, when he was seven. They were going on a small weekend trip—they weren't rich, but thankfully they lived about an hour from a beach, so they just drove there to hang out, swim, eat sandwiches, play with a beach ball. It was always fun going there.

This time, though, Hua Cheng lost everything.

Crash. His mother screaming a blood-curdling scream. His father shouting, swearing as he fought to regain control of the car. Something stabbed Hua Cheng's right eye, and he was screaming, too.

Then silence.

A drunk driver had somehow been driving on the wrong side of the road without their headlights on at night, and his parents' car was far too old and run down to protect them properly from the crash.

Blood. Blood everywhere.

Hua Cheng was crying, crying the loudest cry he ever cried in his whole life.

His grandparents were unfortunately already deceased, and he had no uncles or aunts who could take him. The government then looked for more distant families, and Hua Cheng was placed with them, but they did not want him. They were poor, too, and had no room, emotionally or financially, for another child. Or maybe they were not good people, anyway, he wasn't sure how much of it all was genetics or the environment. Hua Cheng was beaten for little things, was constantly accused of lying, and was treated like a servant rather than family. His social worker eventually decided that it was best to take Hua Cheng out of that environment.

But things didn't get better.

Hua Cheng didn't know if it was because he was unlucky or what, but most of the foster homes he was placed into weren't much better than the distant relatives' homes. Those families took in multiple kids to get more money from the government, then used the money mostly for themselves. Some of them turned out to be pedophilic predators, and Hua Cheng had come home to a police car in front of his foster home, one of the other kids red in the face from tears, and the foster parent in cuffs. The other kids that Hua Cheng lived with could be scary as well, though most were just withdrawn and did not want to have anything to do with Hua Cheng, the other kids, or the parents. Some of them stole his stuff, some did serious drugs, some of them were violent. Some of them tried to pick a fight with him, making fun of his missing eye, and Hua Cheng always fought back with all his might. Then it was time for him to pack all his belongings (which wasn't much) into a trash bag and move again. No one could prove who started the fight, after all.

Then he went to a new home, full of things that didn't belong to Hua Cheng, not the bed, the TV, not even really the food, that could all be taken away for the slightest offense. A new home with new people, full of strangers Hua Cheng never met, that he did not trust one bit, not anymore. They'd probably turn on him the first chance they get. The parents need their fostering license for their money, so if anything went wrong they'll blame him so that they can keep the license and therefore the money. The other kids were just as desperate—they'd put the blame on the weakest looking kid, the one who looked the most like a pushover, so that they're not the ones getting in trouble, and risk moving into a worse home.

Hua Cheng stopped caring about moving so many times, though. He just constantly felt angry and resentful at this point, and he wasn't afraid to show it. If he needed to be moved again, so be it, he wasn't backing down from a fight.

Hua Cheng used to do well in school, but now not so much. He had no friends from moving around so much. He felt less and less interested in studying. In anything, really. He didn't really want to do anything, he just started feeling more and more angry and resentful at the world.

He could now kind of understand why the other foster kids he knew were so troubled.

One foster kid he knew, from one of his first few homes, had committed suicide. He didn't see it happen or anything, but he remembered the kid going missing for two days, and the foster parent called the police. The foster parent didn't search at all. A few days later, the police managed to find the kid—dead. He left a suicide note, which said, "I'm done."

At the time, Hua Cheng couldn't understand why anyone would do that, but now he did. He felt angry, and empty.

Hopeless.

Alone.

Hua Cheng now understood that some kids turned to drugs, alcohol, belittling others, and/or violence to fill the vacuum in their hearts. Hua Cheng never wanted to get into those things, but he could start to feel the temptation.

Hua Cheng kept moving foster homes. Maybe he got placed into decent homes at some point, but by then he was too jaded, too untrusting to realize that he was in one, and the parents didn't know what to do with such a troubled and damaged child. He was getting older and older, and any hope of having someone like his parents in his life and getting adopted was becoming less and less likely. Eventually, he ended up in a group home.

Apparently, the group home got some large donations from some big name celebrity, so Hua Cheng actually got to have his own room. After his parents died, he had always shared his room with someone. For Hua Cheng, sharing rooms made the sense that no one wanted him alive worse, so he appreciated it, though it didn't improve his mood by much.

Then it turned out that this celebrity wanted to volunteer at this home and come in once a month to hang out with a kid. One kid at a time, so that he can spend "quality time" with them. Hua Cheng wondered if this guy was a pedophile.

Sure enough, Hua Cheng found one of the first kids who hanged out with this celebrity crying in the living room. The kid was one of the young ones, a ten-year-old. A part of him wanted to walk along and not get involved, but another part of him wanted to know if he was right enough that he bothered to ask the kid what happened.

"I'm getting reunited with my mom," he said while crying and hiccuping. "Xie Lian helped my mom get a better job, and— I'm going home with my mom!" He gave Hua Cheng the biggest smile he'd ever seen on a foster kid.

It turned out that the kid ended up in the system because his family was poor, not because his family was not loving. His mother was so poor that she could not consistently afford food, water, or electricity for her son, but she always loved him dearly and regularly visited him wherever he was. His father was never in his life. Under normal circumstances, his relatives would have become his foster parents until his mom figured something out, but he was one of the unfortunate people whose whole family was poor, so he ended up in the rather ugly side of the system. This celebrity—Xie Lian—apparently went out of his way to help this child and his mother, after seeing the child for less than a day.

Hua Cheng wasn't sure if he felt that this Xie Lian guy was amazing or extremely naive.

"...Congratulations," Hua Cheng said briskly as he walked away.

Later, Hua Cheng could not dig up any news articles about this incident. Whenever he visited the local grocery store with staff supervision, he'd always check the celebrity gossip magazine section and flip through all of them to check, since the Internet wasn't widespread at this point. Xie Lian was doing this anonymously. It wasn't a publicity stunt.

Then his days seemed to get better and better. The home could afford more staff, and pay them better as well, so Hua Cheng felt like he was treated better than he could remember being treated in a long, long time. They started giving allowances to the kids as well, so all the kids could buy their own stuff, which meant less stealing that Hua Cheng had to deal with. They started giving seminars on anger control and on the consequences of teen pregnancy and such, which were annoying, but he appreciated the thought behind them. He felt like he was being cared for, at least more so than before.

Then it was announced that Xie Lian had given them enough money that, should they wish, they could go to a university or a trade school or whatever they wished, even just live on their own for a while after turning 18, until they figured something out.

Which was what most people with family did, anyway. When they turned 18, they didn't suddenly lose all life support, they usually could go live with their parents in the worst case scenario until they figured something out.

Hua Cheng knew the statistics for foster kids who aged out of the system. There was a good chance he would end up a homeless drug addict who eventually committed suicide. As each year passed by, he dreaded this. His depression was already to the point where he could not care about school anymore, and his grades showed. This further worsened his depression and anxiety about his future. He remembered all the kids and adults he hated, and he felt like he was becoming more and more like them, and there was no way around it.

But hearing this news made him feel like he was given a second chance at his life.

Hua Cheng still could not find any press about any of this. Xie Lian was the real deal. A practical saint .

Then he, along with other kids old enough at the home, were invited to one of Xie Lian's concerts, for free. Hua Cheng had no interest in listening to music for a long, long time, so he didn't know what the music was going to sound like, or what the concert was going to be like.

It was beautiful.

Specifically, Xie Lian was … stunning. Amazing. Handsome. Sexy.

Hua Cheng started blushing as he remembered what he saw more and more—Xie Lian in rather skimpy outfits, showcasing his muscular but delicate features, his sweat glistening on his skin under the spotlight—

He was so beautiful , he couldn't help but think.

For a few days, Hua Cheng felt confused. Was he gay? Was he too busy wallowing in his misery and anger that he didn't notice that he was gay ? Would he have noticed earlier if his parents were alive? If he didn't move so many times, would he have made a male friend and noticed ?

To be fair, he never felt attracted to women, either, but he always assumed that he would be at some point. He supposed he assumed wrong!

He started obsessively reading anything he could find publicly on Xie Lian. He found himself a bit creepy, but he wanted to know as much about him as possible. He went to the library, made a copy of any kind of articles he found on him. When he got his allowances, he spent them all on Xie Lian's music, his merch, and on celebrity gossip magazines at the grocery store. He felt embarrassed, but he also felt happy.

Even after all the reading, Xie Lian still came off as an absolute saint. Hell, at this point, Xie Lian could turn into a bitter, resentful person in all of a sudden, and Hua Cheng would still understand. He would still want to be near him, though he didn't want to creep him out in any way.

Hua Cheng remembered how beautiful Xie Lian was, and a part of him wanted him for himself, however unlikely that was, however scary that part of him felt. He wanted to become worthy, at the least. Be someone who can stand on equal footing with him. If he could be in a position to protect him, that would be even better!

Hua Cheng started studying like hell, and slowly but surely, his grades had improved. He even started doing sports to impress those damned college admissions officers. He'd learn to act like a well adjusted human being. He suddenly felt ambitious, like he had a purpose in his life, though he also weirded himself out a little bit.

Oh well. He was already mentally ill, why not be so in a way that's well adjusted?

Then one day came when Xie Lian came to hang out with Hua Cheng. It was finally Hua Cheng's turn! He was so nervous and flustered he hardly said anything, even when Xie Lian asked him kindly if there was anywhere he wanted to go to. After some silence, Xie Lian was about to suggest somewhere, when Hua Cheng sputtered out,

"Th-the beach!"

Xie Lian widened his eyes, then smiled. "Sounds good, I like the beach, too! Do you want to buy a beach ball on the way?"

Hua Cheng brightened up. "Yes, gege!"

They played with the beach ball on the beach, and Hua Cheng tried to buy those damned expensive hot dog and pop at the food stand for Xie Lian. Xie Lian was surprised, but accepted it kindly, noting that it was the first time in a long time since someone tried to buy things for him, rather than him buying things for others. When Xie Lian had to start heading back, Hua Cheng nervously asked for Xie Lian to sign the ball. Xie Lian was only happy to oblige, and Hua Cheng treasured this beach ball to this day.

Almost another year passed before Hua Cheng got to see Xie Lian again (because Xie Lian came every month and there were about ten kids in the home). When he finally did, Hua Cheng asked to hang out on the beach and play with a beach ball again. They didn't converse much, since Hua Cheng was so nervous. Xie Lian offered to sign the beach ball again, but Hua Cheng declined, saying that he still had the old beach ball, to which Xie Lian just smiled. Hua Cheng regretted this, he didn't want to bother Xie Lian at the time, but he honestly would have loved a second signed beach ball.

Then Hua Cheng aged out of the home.

And Hua Cheng seemed to enjoy a good luck steak ever since. He got into the university he wanted, and he studied like hell and graduated in time. He networked and made "friends" (they felt more like acquaintances to Hua Cheng) that he could ask for help for his ventures. Now he was the founder and CEO of a major record label, and he felt worthy. When it turned out that his secretary Yin Yu knew a close friend to Xie Lian, Hua Cheng persistently asked Yin Yu for Xie Lian's whereabouts and for what he was doing now, since Xie Lian had practically disappeared from the public by that point. Yin Yu had assumed that Hua Cheng wanted Xie Lian for Ghost City Records in case he wanted to make a comeback, but Hua Cheng was just worried since he could not find any news about Xie Lian anywhere.

And when he found out, Hua Cheng practically flew out of his office and decided to give his old home a visit. He hoped that he could be helpful.

A/N: A lot of this one was based on reddit posts I read of foster child experiences in the US. Hua Cheng's experiences represent some of the worse ones I've read, but not the worst. Please do yell at me if I am doing injustice to the topic. When I decided to make Hua Cheng an orphan in this story, I honestly had no idea about most things about the foster care system. At the same time, Hua Cheng's character made a lot more sense to me after learning about it.

As a side note, I learned that in Scotland (and probably many European countries), foster care continues until the child is 26. Doesn't that make a lot more sense than dropping the child from all support at 18, like in the US?!