CHAPTER 19

The number was beautiful. The love ballad had quite possibly never been sung with so much pure love before. So much affection was in every word the New Directions sang, a variety of intentions for their loving tones. For one, they were singing to Theo, recognizing the severe loss he had taken that year, and reinforcing the love they had for him, despite the secrets he had kept.

However, there was more than just that single intention that trickled into the New Directions' thoughts as they sang the song. In a world filled to the brim with drama, when they were deep in song, it was the perfect time for the Glee club members to sit back and reflect. Reflect on the love they had for their own significant others. Almost every single one of them was dating someone else in the room, and the tenderness in their eyes reflected that. Sam and Mercedes were singing to each other. So were Rachel and Finn. So were Tina and Mike. So were Kurt and Blaine.

Even those not in a relationship with one another, sparks were clearly in the air. Brittany was on the receiving end of long, lingering glances from Santana, but she wasn't the only one looking at the blonde. Artie's eyes were also locked on Brittany, still clearly not over their breakup at the end of their junior year. Finally, familiar long stares were sent from Quinn in Theo's direction.

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After the end of the song, the Glee club were all dismissed for the afternoon. And as soon as the word "dismissed" escaped Mr. Schue's lips, Santana shot out of the room like a bullet. Theo couldn't even start asking her for a ride home before Santana was out the door, not turning back as her friends called her name, all of them bemused by her strange behavior all of a sudden.

Theo finally made it home a little while later, quite unsure as to what to expect upon entering Santana's house. Her reaction before leaving Glee rehearsal that afternoon was just… weird. He had no idea what had provoked it, but he was pretty concerned about her either way.

That level of concern only rose even higher as he walked into the house and found it pitch-black and dead silent. He figured Santana would be here, whatever her reaction was, but now that she wasn't… where was she? Was she okay?

Thankfully, Theo found her pretty quickly. Sure enough, she wasn't anywhere inside the house. She was outside, seated on the back porch steps overlooking the backyard, her head in her hands. Theo saw her through the glass door and knocked gently, alerting her of his presence and silently asking if he could join her outside. Santana spun around upon hearing the noise and when the two teenagers laid eyes on each other, Theo's eyes widened slightly.

Whatever Santana was right now, she wasn't okay. She was fuming, her rage like a fire, burning so blisteringly that Theo could feel it through the glass door. Her eyes were filled with wrath. She was incandescent. Nevertheless, Theo slowly opened the door to join her.

"Go away!" Those were Santana's first words to him as he stepped outside, and they were spat with such vehemence that he almost cowered away and left. He didn't though. He held his nerve and prepared to get punched by Santana at some point in the next few minutes as he sat beside her.

"Are you okay?" Theo asked, gently, before silently cursing himself. Are you okay… what a stupid question. She very obviously was not okay. The stupidity of the question was not lost on Santana either, who didn't grace it with a response and instead simply glared daggers at him.

"Seriously?" She muttered. Theo sent an apologetic look her way.

"Sorry." He murmured. "Do you want to talk about it? About what's bothering you?"

"No! I don't! So just go away!" She demanded. Theo sighed, not leaving and instead inching closer to Santana. She had helped him in more ways than he could possibly count since he had arrived in Lima. He owed it to her at the very least to try and repay the favor whenever he could.

"Come on, San. Talk to me. What's going on?" He asked again. "Maybe I can help."

"You can't!" She snapped back. "Not… not with this."

"I can try." Theo suggested. "But I definitely can't if you don't tell me what's going on."

"Theo just… just leave me alone, okay?!" Santana shouted. Theo nodded, respecting the fact that she clearly wanted space right now.

"Okay. But if you want to talk at some point, you know where to find me." Theo told her, before standing up and preparing to walk away. However, before he could walk back inside the house, he heard Santana's voice again, a lot quieter now.

"I'm in love." Santana murmured quietly, so quiet that he could barely hear her. Upon hearing her voice, Theo turned back around and sat back down beside her, looking at her as she continued to speak. "I'm in love with someone, but I don't know how they feel about me."

Realization dawned on Theo in an instant. It all clicked together like a multi-faceted jigsaw puzzle that was finally taking shape.

"So make the first move." Theo told her simply. "Best case scenario, the person responds well. Worst case scenario, at least you'll have your closure."

Santana shook her head vehemently.

"You don't get it. It's not that easy." She snapped. "The crush is on…"

"Brittany." Theo finished Santana's sentence for her, and Santana's jaw dropped slack with shock.

"You… you know?!" Santana exclaimed. Theo shrugged.

"No offense, but it's pretty obvious." Theo replied. A look of horror flashed across Santana's face.

"Does everyone else…" Santana's voice trailed off in fear. Did everyone else know? Was this a constant topic of gossip behind her back? Santana dreaded the possibility, but those fears were quickly put to bed as Theo shook his head.

"I don't think so. I doubt it." He responded. Santana raised an eyebrow.

"How did you know then?" She asked. Theo sighed, looking down for a moment before looking back at her.

"For one, I live with you, Santana, remember? I see you pretty much every moment of the day, and you're not exactly subtle." He remarked. "And also… I recognize the look on your face when you're together. And even when you're apart. I've seen that look before. I've worn that look. You know… when you're madly in love with someone, and you're dying for them to know how you feel, dying to know if they feel the same way."

Theo had hit the jackpot, and Santana knew it. His words described exactly how she was feeling to a tee, but there was a few details Theo didn't quite know yet.

"So what exactly is the problem here?" Theo asked her. Santana sighed, looking down for a moment.

"Well, for one thing, I'm not the only one who's into her. I'm pretty sure Artie is too. They dated last year for a while. They could get back together at some point." Santana remarked. Theo scoffed.

"Yeah, and? What does he have to do with anything?" Theo asked. "Right now, Brittany's single, right? Her and Artie aren't dating. What's the hold up?"

"It's not just that." Santana muttered. "I'm scared… I'm scared that the school will find out about me."

"About what? That you're into girls? Is that such a problem if they did?" Theo commented. Santana nodded.

"You heard about what happened to Kurt last year, the past two years." Santana argued. Theo shrugged.

"Look, I don't know Kurt very well. And I don't really know everything about what he went through. I can't even imagine how hard it must've been for him; it's never something I really thought about." Theo admitted. "But one thing that I do know is you. I know who you are. You're Santana fucking Lopz! You're the alpha male of our entire school! Hell, probably all of Lima! Gay, straight, bi, whatever you might be, whoever you might be into… that doesn't change that fact. If you like someone, make a move. Who gives a fuck about what anyone else thinks about it? It's none of their business. The important part is that you'd be happy. And the people you love will still love you just as much."

The next thing Santana said was a lot quieter. It was an admittance from her softer, more vulnerable side, something she seldom ever showed. And she said it in a voice Theo had never heard from her before: it was so quiet, so terrified.

"What if she says no?" Santana whispered. Theo sighed and shrugged.

"If she says no… you know where to find me. I'll be there with the tissues and ice cream. And then when you're feeling better, together we can kick any asses that need to get kicked."

Santana couldn't help but chuckle at the last part: thinking about gigantic yet pacifist Theo attacking Brittany and crippled Artie. It was a hilarious thought, and it did wonders to cheer her up. As her face lightened, she sent Theo a look of sheer gratitude.

"Thank you." Santana murmured. Theo wrapped an arm around her and gave her a one armed hug.

"Anytime. Glad you're feeling a bit better. And whatever happens… know that I've got your back." He replied. He began to stand up, but Santana pulled him back down.

"You know…" She continued. "You're being really hypocritical."

Theo furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

"Pardon me?" He asked. Santana chuckled.

"Really?! So we're not going to talk about Quinn? You two are obviously into each other. You've both admitted as much. You have the head cheerleader falling for you, and yet you're not doing anything about it."

Theo shook his head.

"Come on, you know it's not that easy." He said. Santana raised an eyebrow and began to smirk at him.

"Really? Because right now, she's single. You're single. What's the holdup?" She commented, repeating his words from earlier. Theo glared at her.

"Thank you so much for throwing my words at me. I already regret being nice to you." He grumbled. "And it's not the same. You know how it's different."

"Theo, she's not here anymore. She's gone. And you need to let her go and move on." Santana said gently. Theo shook his head.

"I can't. Not when it was my fault she's gone." Theo mumbled. Santana placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Theo, you made a mistake. A big one. And you paid very dearly for it. But you can't punish yourself for it forever."

"You mean like she's paying for my mistake for the rest of hers?" Theo shot back. Santana shook her head.

"Look, by now, I've heard a lot about her - about Marley. And if she loved you a fraction as much as you clearly loved her, I'm sure she'd want you to be happy. So I want you to do some soul searching. Some genuine questioning. Would Marley want you to be like this, wallowing in a pit of misery, refusing to move on? Or would she want you to do the healthy thing and, almost a whole year after her passing, finally move on? Because if you can genuinely tell me it's the first option, then by all means say so, and I'll never bug you about this again."

Theo was silent as Santana spoke, reflecting upon her words. She wasn't done speaking yet though.

"Does Quinn make you happy? Yes or no. Simple as that." Santana asked him. Theo didn't respond, but his slight nod told Santana the answer. "Well that's all you need to know. Despite what you might think, you deserve to be happy. And you're not going to ever find that happiness if you're hung up on someone for the rest of your life. Quinn's a great girl. Trust me, I've known her for so long. You won't go wrong with her."

That night, Theo turned a corner. He had managed to leapfrog a barrier, quite possibly the biggest hurdle he had ever had to face. He hadn't necessarily 'moved on' from his wife. He doubted that he ever would. But for the first time in almost a year, he had managed to, as Marley's mom had described it, been able to "move forward." Santana was right. Marley wouldn't want him to be like this. And while the fact that he was here and Marley wasn't was a gross injustice in his eyes, nothing would ever change that fact. Instead, he owed it to her to make good of that life. He owed it to her to become someone she could be proud of. And being a loving partner to someone else was certainly more likely to lead him to becoming that man than being a lonely ball of misery and despair.

He was going to do it. He was going to ask Quinn out. Santana had helped him cross a water so turbulence and disturbed that capsize was practically an inevitability. But he hadn't. He was still here. And while the waters were still rough beneath him, he finally felt strong enough to sail through them.

"Let's make a deal." Theo finally spoke up for the first time. "Tomorrow morning, we go into school and we ask out Brittany and Quinn. And tomorrow evening, we take them out on a date. Then, at the end of the night, we come back here, to this very spot."

Santana's eyes widened, stunned and taken aback for a moment, before beaming at Theo and nodding.

"Deal."

It had been a very long day for both Theo and Santana, and so they then began to head inside. However, before Theo did, he turned around and stared upwards at the sky. The sun was beginning to set, painting the sky in vivid, warm shades of red, orange and yellow. As he did, Theo couldn't help but smile faintly.

Since Marley's death, one of the things Theo missed most about her was hearing her. Before she had died, he felt like he could always hear her voice. Even when she wasn't around, he could still hear her, guiding him, encouraging him to be better than he ever thought he could be. But after her death… silence. Complete and utter silence. No matter how hard he tried, Theo couldn't hear her anymore, and that fact had been one of the reasons for his seemingly endless descent into misery.

But now, for the first time, he finally felt like he could hear her again. This is what she would've wanted, he was certain of it. She'd have wanted him to be happy no matter what. And for that reason, Theo was finally able to find the strength to move forward. He finally got the semblance of closure that had eluded him for a year.