AUTHOR'S NOTES AND DISCLAIMERS

This story was Part 4 of the AO3 series Food Fights in the Public Eye on my Archive of Our Own page. In this story, there's a rivalry between Genshin Impact character Xiao and Fire Emblem: Three Houses character Hubert von Vestra as both of their birthdays take place at a Family Town Shake Shack. And what's funny, this story was actually uploaded on April 17, 2023, which April 17 is the canon birthday of both Xiao and Hubert.

Like all the other skit stories I have written in the past, this one's meant to be funny and not meant to be based on the canon games. This was actually a fun story to do, as I found the food fight sequence funny.

I don't own the characters presented in this story, all rights go to the owners. Plus, this is meant to be a parody skit story that's supposed to be humorous.

Enjoy the story!

Shake Shack Birthday Brawl

A Genshin Impact x Fire Emblem Three Houses Crossover Parody/Humor Story

Written by ktlnboyle

In the peaceful area known as Family Town, it was April 17, meaning that Xiao's birthday had finally arrived. However, when Xiao woke up that morning, Zhongli blew a noisemaker directly in Xiao's face.

"Zhongli!" shouted Xiao after he fell out of bed. "What was that for?!"

"It's your birthday, Xiao." Zhongli said. "Don't think that this is some sort of ordinary day." Then, allies Ganyu and Shenhe entered the bedroom, with Ganyu thinking that Xiao's birthday was tomorrow.

"You people forgot my birthday?!" Xiao asked.

"N-n-no!" hollered Shenhe. "I thought it was tomorrow! I'm sorry, Xiao!"

"OK, Everyone! Shut up, shut up, shut up!" Zhongli said. "Look, Xiao's birthday IS today. There is no denying it. So, let's start out on his birthday dinner." Zhongli later asked Xiao where he wanted to go for his birthday dinner.

"Well, someone told me about the new Shake Shack that opened up right downtown. How about we go there for my birthday dinner?"

"Sounds like a good idea." said Zhongli. "What time should we go?" he later asked.

"I'm suspecting around seven o'clock." Shenhe said. "Ganyu and I are finished with everything by then, and I hope we can make it to the exciting party."

"I'll book the reservation now." Zhongli said. So, he did just that and booked a reservation for Xiao's birthday.

Meanwhile at the Shake Shack that was being notified about Xiao's birthday, the restaurant's manager was speaking to Zhongli, telling him that he and his group needed to watch out for other birthday participants around that same time. Zhongli was confused.

"Well, sir, there are classified things we cannot discuss." the manager said to Zhongli. "However, there is another birthday party coming here around the same time that you booked your thing. If I were you, I would be cautious." Zhongli was ready for anything to come his way.

When the time came for Xiao's birthday dinner, Zhongli walked into the Shake Shack, confirmed his reservation with the clerk, and was led to the table where the group would be eating. However, the Officers Academy's Black Eagles students were there celebrating the birthday of Black Eagles leader Edelgard von Hresvelg's retainer, Hubert von Vestra. They were seated at a huge table across from Zhongli.

"Zhongli, why are they here?" Xiao asked. "Are they going to ruin my party?"

"Leave it, Xiao." Zhongli said.

"OK, first of all, I don't know who you people think you are." Edelgard said to the group. "But this is Hubert's party, and I would like it if you left us at peace. We never invited you."

"Uh, excuse me, but just to let you know, we have a birthday party here too." said Zhongli. "So, if I were you, how about you mind your own buzzards, and get back to your party!"

"Hmph." Edelgard grunted.

"Don't even look at them, Lady Edelgard." Hubert said.

"They're probably just torturing us for fun." fellow Black Eagles student Caspar von Bergliez said. "If I were you, just ignore them." Then, without warning, ketchup and mustard came flying at Hubert's face.

"Is this how they want to play it?!" Hubert asked.

"Oh, excuse my bluntness. But I did that." said Zhongli. Huber then took a burger from his classmate Bernadetta's plate, and smashed it in Zhongli's face.

"Now what was that for?!" Bernadetta asked in anger.

"Yeah. Listen to the girl, mister!" Zhongli said. "What was that for?!"

"If you are going to trash talk me on MY birthday, this calls for something." Hubert said. " FOOD FIGHT! " He later yelled.

"Oh, not on my birthday!" Xiao said. "I'm getting out of this.

"You wanna trash talk Hubert von Vestra on his birthday?!" asked Edelgard.

"You want to smash perfectly good food in my face?!" Zhongli angrily asked.

"Oh, we'll do that alright!" Caspar said. "Hey, Ferdinand! Get the burger I was eating, and smash it in this man's face!"

"You got it!" Ferdinand von Aegir said. He later took the burger and smashed it in Zhongli's face.

"Now how do you feel?" asked Linhardt von Hevring.

"OK." Zhongli said. "Because, now I am twice as angry as I was before!" Right when Zhongli said that, he sprayed mayonnaise in Linhardt's face, and even sprayed whipped cream in Ferdinand's mouth.

"Come on!" Ferdinand said. "We do not deserve this!"

"Can we all just stop together?!" asked student Monica von Ochs. "This is getting way out of hand, and the boys in blue might show up soon."

"What boys in blue?!" asked Hubert.

" THE COPS! " Monica yelled. " POLICE PEOPLE! " However, Shake Shack employees caught wing of the chaos on camera, and ceased all future parties because of the mess caused by Hubert and Zhongli's respective groups.

"Great!" Xiao said. "My birthday is completely ruined. RUINED! "

"Hmph. Good." Monica said. Police later showed up afterwards, and escorted Xiao and Zhongli out of the restaurant. Other police officers escorted the Black Eagles students out too.

Outside the Shake Shack, Zhongli was speaking to Hubert, saying that he hoped to never cross paths with him or his group ever again. Hubert said the same thing as Zhongli walked away.

"Zhongli, don't listen to those people." Shenhe said. "They are just being delusional."

"How about we go to a different Shake Shack instead?" asked Ganyu.

"No." Xiao said. "I'll just have my birthday the old fashioned way."

"...If this is what you want, Xiao." Zhongli said.

And so, Zhongli was cautious ever since then about parties and reservations, and never stepped foot near the Black Eagles students ever again.

THE END