I've decided to post the full story all at once because I know I hate waiting when I love a story so here you go!

It took a lot of time an effort to write this and I'm sort of in love with it so please give me loadsssss of feedback on each chapter.

Love you all 3

A week later, Maria woke up to the sounds of birds singing and a light breeze coming from the open window. With a large stretch, she rolled over feeling for her husband next to her. This was her favourite time of day, they would snuggle together, share sweet kisses and whisper about the naughty things they did the night before.

Finding nothing on his side of the bed, she opened her eyes thinking he must be awake already, she jumped out of bed and headed for the bathroom with a spring in her step. Ever since she discovered on their honeymoon how arousing it was to watch him shave in the mornings, she tried to add it into her daily routine whenever she awoke early enough.

Making it into their huge ensuite, fit with their own private double shower, she quickly realised he wasn't there either!

Momentarily confused, she heard familiar footsteps by the bedroom door and felt fear stab at her chest, and it all came rushing back to her.

Georg had moved out of their rooms a week ago, she had what her doctor called a post-traumatic stress episode because of her childhood, and she still hadn't recovered from it. Georg was outside of their bedroom door, as he was at this time every day, and in a few moments, he would slip a note under the door as he had done for the past five mornings. Maria still couldn't bear to have a conversation alone with him, so he had taken to writing her notes, so she remembered how much she meant to him.

Hearing the smooth anagrammed paper swish under the door, Maria looked at herself in the mirror and throwing on her silk robe (a wedding present from Georg) she left the bathroom and slowly opened the bedroom door coming face to face with her husband for the first time in what felt like millenia. She always felt shy around him now, like she hadn't spent the past year getting to know him…intimately.

Although Georg was surprised to see her, he didn't want his emotion to scare Maria, after all, it had taken her a week to build up the courage to simply open their bedroom door for him, so he simply wished her good morning.

"Good morning, Georg." She replied with a gentle smile, it killed him to hear her call him by his name after half a year of her calling him "darling", but he supposed it was a miracle she was talking to him at all.

Speaking softly, almost as if he was talking to a flighty deer that he was scared would run away, he said "I'm just heading out for a drive, I shall see you at breakfast".

Maria responded with a gentle nod before closing the door.

Once again safely ensconced in her bedroom she slid down the door to sit on the plush carpet. She felt simultaneously happy and sad. She was ecstatic after seeing her husband, after all he was still the love of her life, but she was sad. Sad that she was scared of the love of her life. She missed the time they would spend snuggling in bed, reading together, or drinking rosé on the terrace. She missed when Georg would tease her for getting tipsy from one glass of wine and when he would chase her up the stairs to bed on an evening. She was sad that she felt fear whenever he was near.

After a brief pause she spotted the cream, velvety note out of the corner she picked it up and began to read.

Maria,

Good Morning, my darling!

Today marks a week since I have woken with you in my arms, and I despise it.

Of course, I will give you space and you need if it means there is slightest chance that we can be close again.

I know you are hurting, but I need you to know that I would never hurt you.

You are the true love of my life!

Yours always,

Your husband, G 3

God!

Maria wanted nothing more than to believe his words, on some level she did, but every time she wanted to invite him back into her life, she saw those eyes. His eyes filled with an anger that was all too familiar. She feared being hurt again. More than anything she wanted to snap out of it, to stop being a stupid little girl but she couldn't.

The thing that hurt her the most is that out of all the times she had seen him get angry at staff or strangers, she never thought he would direct it at her.

With a head full of spiralling thoughts, she got dressed for the day and headed down for breakfast.

Maria entered the dining room to a joyful chorus of greetings from the children. Sometimes she thought they were the only reason she was happy anymore. Georg knew that the only time Maria was truly herself anymore was with the children and he was sure he had never been as grateful for them in his entire life.

"Hello, my darlings! How did you all sleep?" she inquired with her usual cheery sing-song voice, sitting at the opposite side of the table to her husband.

Georg admired how she listened with genuine interest to all seven tales, everything from Gretl's dreams of cupcakes and unicorns to Liesl's complaints of Louisa's snoring. She truly was an amazing mother. So why on Earth didn't she want more children? NO! Georg reprimanded himself, after all, that question was why they were in this position in the first place,

After an indeterminable amount of time Maria began to sense the gaze of her husband on the side of her head. She decided not to return it and try to eat her food. She couldn't, every bite felt like swallowing sawdust, it had been for the last week, and she couldn't blame cook's food. She hadn't been able to stomach much since the incident and she knew Georg had noticed. After a few attempts she decided she would wait until lunch. She wasn't hungry anyway.

"Mother?" Kurt questioned from the other end of the table.

Maria plastered a smile on her weary face and turned her attention to her youngest son, "What is it, darling?"

"If you aren't going to eat your breakfast again, please may I have it?" he asked with an angelic expression.

Maria felt the heat of embarrassment at being called out in front of everyone rush to her cheeks, she should have known the children would have noticed, but before she could respond she heard her husband's firm voice from the head of the table, "Kurt! That was an incredibly rude thing to say! Children, please leave the dining room at once."

She felt put on the spot, all the children looked between her and her still full plate, worry clouding their eyes. How could I ruin their childhoods like this? This is exactly what I didn't want to happen. Now they will worry about me. They're only children, they shouldn't have to deal with this.

Slowly, the children left one by one, clearly sensing the tension around the table. Maria felt a solitary tear roll down her face. Now my behaviour is affecting the children. I'm so stupid. She looked down at the untouched food on her plate and willed the rest of her tears to stay behind her eyelids.

She watched in her periphery as Georg folded his newspaper and pushed his chair back, slowly walking to her space at the opposite end of the table. With each step, Maria felt her heart pound harder in her chest. Was he going to reprimand her for setting an awful example for the children? She wouldn't blame him.

His firm, confident voice startled her out of her thoughts.

"Maria, darling, may I sit down?"

Not trusting her voice, Maria wiped her eyes and nodded the affirmative. Watching as her husband sat in the chair closest to her, she sucked in a breath willing the thoughts to stop racing around her head.

"Darling, please may I take your hand? I promise I won't hurt you and you can let go whenever you want." He asked gently offering his hand, palm up, on the table in front of her.

Maria was torn, on one hand she loved her husband and missed their physical connection. On the other hand, she still remembered the fear she felt. She remembered how her father would beat her when she got the slightest thing wrong. NO MARIA! This man is not your father, this is your husband, and he loves you!

Steeling her nerves Maria tentatively placed her hand in Georg's and was surprised by how much the small contact calmed her, warmth spreading through her body like a warm duvet in the dead of winter.

Looking deep into her eyes and softly stroking his thumb back and forth across the back of her hand, Georg asked "Darling…do you think you can tell me why you aren't eating?"

Georg was trying to keep calm, in reality he wanted to scream at her for being so careless with her health. Didn't she realise how much they all loved her and how lost they would be if she was suddenly gone? She was slim to begin with but now her cheeks were hollow and her elbows pointy. Her skin had gone a greyish colour and her eyes had lost their sparkle. She looked like a baby bird, and he had so much guilt for causing her this pain.

Maria somehow felt worse hearing the genuine concern tinting his voice than if he had hit her. Who was she to bring so much pain into his life? I don't deserve him. I don't deserve our life together.

"I just didn't feel hungry this morning! Poor Kurt didn't mean any harm!" she lied, putting on her best happy face. She felt awful that Kurt had been caught in the firing line because of her behaviour.

"Maria, I know you better than anyone on this earth! I know you particularly well in the mornings too" he gave a small chuckle, "you are always hungry." Turning serious again he almost begged Maria, "Darling, I need to help you through this, I don't have to be near you just tell me what I can do to help".

Briskly standing up, Maria pulled her hand away and looked out of the window into the distance. It was too much. He was too kind. He couldn't help her, nobody could. Already missing the contact from her husband, she contemplated the decision that lay before her. She could make some evasive comment and widen the chasm between her husband and herself or she could be vulnerable and bring them closer together again.

"Please don't be mad," she began, breaking Georg's heart, "ever since my episode, a lot of my anxious symptoms from childhood have come back, one of them being lack of appetite. I promise I really am trying for you and the children… I just... don't… can't…I" she was beginning to lose it again.

Georg shushed her and made his way to her side, not touching her but hoping that his closeness would help in some way.

"Darling, we know, we know! Thank you for trusting me with that. Come on let's forget about this for now and we can go into town for some apfelstrudel. I'll take you to your favourite café hmm?" he tried distracting her, pleased when a muted version of her old smile lit up her face.

It was only momentary, however, as she questioned "will the children be there too?".

She tried to pretend that she was asking for their sake but deep down she knew it was because she was still terrified to be alone with her husband. I know I love him. I know he won't hurt me. I just can't get it out of my head.

Sensing her conflict, he gently reached for her hand, trying to ignore her fearful flinch, and said "Of course, Maria! Whatever you need". It pained him that his wife felt any sort of fear towards him, but he would do anything to make her happy again.