Another week had passed and the relationship between Georg and Maria was on the right track. After the events in the park, Maria had listened as Georg explained how he had defended her. Maria took hope from the fact that he hadn't belittled her or pushed her when the Chapmans asked about babies. Maybe she could learn to trust him again. Over the past week, her emotions had begun to regulate, and she was feeling much more like herself. Something she was extremely grateful for. As long as nobody discussed children or her episode, she would be fine.
She now spent her evenings with her husband in his study, a pastime she had discovered she loved during their long engagement. She still couldn't sleep in the same bed as him, so he hadn't moved back into the master suite, but Maria could see a day in the not-so-distant future where she would invite him back. The thought thrilled her to no end, but she was also terrified. Terrified that they would never get their relationship back to where it was, and it would be all her fault.
"Darling?" Maria felt the familiar warmth fill her chest upon hearing her husband's voice. She looked over to where he was sat on the opposite end of the sofa and gave him a genuine smile. She really did love him, she just couldn't let herself be close to him yet.
"I meant to tell you earlier, my love, but Baroness Hauser has invited us to her winter party," when he saw her face drop, he quickly added, "but there is absolutely no pressure to go. I know you have been resting since the incident so, of course, I will make our excuses" he decided, looking back at his book, and letting out a sad sigh.
Maria's head spun with all the information he had just given her. He was being so considerate, but she couldn't stay like this forever.
"Georg…darling" his ears pricked up at the term of endearment, well done, darling, you did it! "I would like to try and go to the party. It's about time I took control of my life again".
In his excitement he slid closer to Maria, exclaiming "really, my love? I am so proud of you".
He was so happy Maria couldn't help but smile with him, enjoying this glimmer of their true relationship. That was until he pulled her hands to his lips and kissed her knuckles. She felt sick to her stomach though she didn't know why. She pulled her hand out of his grasp as if he had burned her. Immediately apologising.
"Georg, I'm sorry! I just can't…every time you try and love me, I just see you out on the terrace. I really am trying. I'm sorry…" she apologised, tears forming.
"Darling, please don't apologise. I forgot for a moment. I told you before, I will never forgive myself for my behaviour that day on the terrace and I will do everything I can to help you."
"It's just that part of me loves you and trusts you more than anyone else in the world but the other part of me thinks you will hurt me one day… I know you won't but also, I don't know…does that make sense?" she asked, eyes pleading.
It didn't make sense to Georg, he hadn't experienced any of the things that his wife had but he definitely didn't want her to know that "Of course, my love! Now let's go to sleep hmm?"
With a drained nod, Maria stood up off the sofa and headed for the door. She felt so empty. Why couldn't she just trust her husband? He was still the same man she had married. Before she had time to think she blurted, "Darling? Please may I hug you?"
Georg could hardly believe his ears, it had been two weeks since he had felt her in his arms, he wasn't going to leave her waiting.
"Please don't ever ask me, Maria. I will never deny you." Holding out his arms, he allowed her all the control. She could set the pace.
Shyly making her way from the doorway to her husband's desk, she tentatively laid her head on his chest and wrapped her arms around his waist inhaling his scent. She immediately felt her soul sing. Feeling his nose come to rest on the crown of her head, she squeezed him tighter, never wanting this moment to end.
Georg had never loved Maria more than in this moment. His brave darling. He felt the desperation and sadness radiating from her skinny body and slowly, as to not scare her away, wrapped her in a bear hug. She stiffened before immediately relaxing, turning to jelly. He inhaled her hair, vanilla, and coconut. It was her favourite shampoo that she had discovered in Paris, he made sure she always had a bottle.
Maria couldn't bear to leave his arms, but she knew they couldn't stay here forever. She was grateful when Georg immediately set her free as she began to pull away.
"I do still love you; you know. I just can't show it right now."
And with that she left, leaving Georg hopeful for the future.
The day of the party came quicker than she had thought. Since that night in the study, Georg and Maria hadn't shared any more hugs but as she got ready for Baroness Hauser's ball, she couldn't help but pray they hugged again tonight. It almost felt as though she were experiencing a crush…on her husband. She giggled at the absurdity of it all.
Getting out of the car at the Villa Hauser, Maria found she was presently surprised by the butterflies she felt in her stomach upon taking her husband's arm. She knew their relationship was on the road to recovery and it was thrilling to say the least. Arm in arm the couple made their way to the entrance and walked through the grand oak doors.
Maria had only been here once before, during her engagement, but she spoke regularly to Baroness Hauser or Ottie as she knew her. She was probably Maria's only true friend in Austrian high society and although they didn't speak much Maria thought she was wonderful. On the outside she looked like the typical baroness; glossy chestnut locks pulled up into a neat but stylish updo and a slim figure perfectly enhanced by whichever dress was currently on trend. On first impressions only, Maria had assumed she would be just as snobbish and cold as Baroness Shrader, but she was pleasantly surprised.
"…and this is my fiancé, Maria, Maria, darling, this is my old friend Baron Josef Hauser and his wife Baroness Ottillie Hauser." Georg introduced Maria who shook Baron Hauser's proffered hand.
"Less of the old Georg, especially in the presence of such young company" Baron Hauser jibed. Maria was still uncomfortable when people, especially strangers, commented on their age gap but she visibly relaxed when Georg laughed.
"Now, now, Joey! Let's not get bitter about age." Baroness Hauser said in a strong British accent, letting out a melodious laugh. She jabbed her husband in the ribs before joining him to greet their guests.
It was refreshing to see a high society couple that were actually friendly towards each other. So far, all the couples she had met seemed to barely notice if they were in the same room.
"You must be Maria; I have heard so much about you" Baroness Hauser smiled sweetly; her rosy cheeks high on her face.
Suddenly Maria felt ice settle in her stomach and her mouth felt like it was full of cotton wool. Instinctively she reached for her fiancé's hand, "Oh really? Good things?".
As far as she knew, nobody had a nice word to say about her in these circles. So far, she had been called a "gold digger", a "slut", a "whore", and a "cheater" so it was understandable that she wasn't overly excited to hear what the Baroness had to say.
"Of course, good things!" she looked concerned at Maria's distress.
Ottillie moved closer to the timid, younger women and placed her silky soft hand on her arm for a moment. "I'm rather good friends with Georg's sister, we went to prep school together, and she says you're simply darling". Maria felt relief swarm her body at the gaze Baroness Hauser fixed her with. A mix of kindness, concern, and excitement.
Maria truly loved her future sister-in-law. She was nothing like the other women of her station and she had welcomed her into the von Trapp clan with open arms.
"Oh, Hedy really is too sweet." Maria blushed, looking at the marble floor.
"You're too modest, Maria! Now come with me, I'd love to show you the house" she grasped at Maria's hand before excitedly running through the crowds of people with a childlike enthusiasm not even matched by Gretl.
"Ria, darling, I'm so glad you could make it! It's been far too long" Ottie's sweet voice drew Maria out of her memories.
Turning to her friend, she was quickly caught up in a tight hug.
"Oh, Ottie, it's so good to see you" Maria replied gripping a little tighter than she usually would.
"Georg, always a pleasure!" she said with a teasing glint in her eye. Ottie had known Georg since he was 5 years old and she loved to poke fun at him, much like Hedy did.
"Ottie" Georg said by way of greeting, tipping his head in acknowledgment.
"Joey is in the billiards room if you'd like to join him. I'm afraid your wife and I are going to be spending the whole evening catching up and gossiping about you." Ottie said with the most serious expression she could muster before breaking into giggles.
"If you say so, Otts. Take care of her." Georg said seriously, before giving Maria a wink and turning to make his way to the billiards room.
However, before he could go, he felt an all too familiar delicate hand pull at his jacket sleeve.
Maria knew she had to be brave, so gathering up every iota of courage in her body she stood on her tiptoes and planted her lips on Georg's cheek in a chaste kiss.
"See you at dinner, darling" she said smiling, her breathe coming quicker than was usual.
Georg felt like he could have flown to the moon. He was so proud of Maria. She truly was trying. So, with tears beginning to fill up his eyes, he nodded and swiftly went on his way, his wife watching after him.
Ottillie stood with a confused look plastered over her doll-like face.
"Forgive me, Maria, but does Georg cry every time you kiss him? I thought you would be well over the honeymoon stage by now?" she let out a slight laugh.
Maria felt sadness wash over her, Georg only got so emotional because she refused to kiss him now. She wouldn't even stay in the same room as him for god's sake. She was an awful wife and he deserved so much better than her.
Feeling her palms begin to sweat and her heart begin to race, Maria could do nothing but stare in silence at her friend whilst tears burned at the back of her eyes. Her throat began to ache with the effort of keeping her tears in.
"Oh, darling! What did I say? What's wrong Maria?" Ottie said, rushing Maria to the side of the main hall away from the prying eyes of the local gossips.
"Oh! It's not you, Ottie! It's my fault, it's all my fault!" Maria burst out, finally allowing a few frustrated tears to escape her eyes.
"I think we should go and check on the children, don't you?" Ottie said knowing they needed privacy before Maria completely broke down.
Ottie and Josef Hauser had 6 children.
The couple were like Georg and Maria in many ways. They also had an age gap and although Ottillie played the part of snobbish Baroness very well when she needed to, her family had brought her up to have morals.
Their children were much younger than Georg's so that is where the two couples began to differ.
Their oldest child, Clementine, was nine and extremely studious. Next came Verity, eight, followed by the twins Greta and Jacob who were five.
The two women were currently in the nursery which was currently home to two-year-old Josephine and 3-month-old Henrietta.
Maria sat with the sweet little baby sleeping in her arms, tears still streaming down her face. After all, it was a conversation about babies that started this whole mess. Looking down at henny's soft blonde curls and chubby pink cheeks she felt the longing for children stir within her heart, but she had to remember why she couldn't bring a child with her DNA into the world.
"Maria, lovely, please tell me what's wrong? You are usually so full of life, and you just seem so drained" Ottie said covering Maria's hand with her own.
Sitting frozen as a statue, Maria contemplated her two choices. One choice would be to completely deny everything and go on living in pain or…she could trust Ottie, who she had come to love, and tell her everything.
All she had to do was look into Ottie's loving eyes to make her choice.
"Ottie what I'm going to tell you must never leave this room…" Maria said ominously.
Ottie, understanding the severity of her friend's tone, nodded slowly.
Closing her eyes Maria began to tell Ottie about the argument on the terrace. How she had been hesitant to plan more children with Georg, how he had truly lost his temper, how she had an episode triggered by her childhood, and how she had spent the last few weeks sleeping alone, terrified to be close to her husband
After a few minutes of contemplation, Ottie gave Maria a pitiful look and said "Sweetie, you should have told me. You've been in so much pain. No wonder Georg was so moved when you kissed him earlier".
"I'm so ashamed Ottie! What kind of wife doesn't trust her husband." Maria exclaimed, her face a tear-stained, snotty mess.
"The kind of wife who has never until this moment had anyone to trust…I feel like you aren't telling me everything Maria" Ottie said gently, using Henny's baby blanket to wipe Maria's tears.
"Ottie, I can't tell you!" Maria said, scrunching her eyes closed as if hiding from the memories.
"You can, Maria, I promise you can. It won't leave these walls remember?" she rubbed her arms in a motherly fashion.
Maria nodded, feeling calm in Ottie's presence.
"Maria, why don't you want children?" Ottie had already taken Henrietta and placed her in her bassinet, and she was now staring intently into Maria's eyes.
"Please, don't look at me Ottie, I can't bear it." Maria said pushing herself out of the rocking chair to the large bay window on the opposite end of the nursery.
Sensing her hesitancy, Ottie remained on the other side of the room to Maria but reassured "I'll stay here, pretend you're writing in a diary, you'll feel so much better when the truth is out."