"Maria!" Georg roared, stomping down the corridor after his wife, only to reach their bedroom door and have it slammed in his face.
Wasting no time, he swung open the door, so it clattered against the wall and stalked fiercely towards his devastated wife.
"Now is a rather inconvenient time to show me some emotion, Maria!" he said, breathing quick and hard, hands planted sturdily on his hips.
"What on earth is that supposed to mean?" she cried, swiping at her tears with shaking hands.
"I'm leaving to give you space, like you asked I might add, and now you get upset. You've ignored me all week and barely even flinched. I thought you'd be relieved to see me leave for a while!" Georg knew he was hitting below the belt, but he was truly too frustrated to see sense.
When Maria didn't retaliate with the same fire he was accustomed to, he knew he had crossed the line. She sank to the floor, breathing fast and grasping at her chest. Some sadistic part of Georg had wanted her to feel the same hurt he felt but not like this, never like this.
Crouching down to her level, he placed both hand on her shoulder and forced her to look at him. When her eyes remained downcast, he authoritatively said, "Maria, look at me!" praising her when she did.
"Breathe with me, darling, come on. In…and out…in…and out. Well done, my love." he said, relief flooding through him when their rising and falling chests synchronised.
"Georg, I don't need space from you and the children certainly don't. Please stay." she bubbled, looking up at him through her tears.
Georg was torn, on one hand he could give in to her and stay but she would most likely go back to ignoring him again tomorrow. He had to leave, she needed space and he couldn't stand being so close yet so far. He knew that if he stayed, they had to truly both be in it together, working for the same goal.
"Darling, I am not leaving you. I am leaving this situation. I need to give you the space, so that you can find yourself again. You know I will always love you and support you, but I can't be the invisible man for one more day, my love." He said, finding it increasingly difficult to stand his ground.
"You are not the invisible man! You are my husband. I see you all the time. You are constantly on my mind," she said, and he believed her, they had an incredibly strong connection, but it wasn't enough right now. "If you leave, I will die!"
"That is a horrendous thing to say!" he said not wanting to imagine a world where she doesn't exist.
"Darling, it's true. I am nothing without you" she whimpered, gripping his arms tightly in the hopes she could keep him there.
"Maria, you are everything!" he truly meant it.
"I can't imagine my life without you in it, what can I do to make you stay, please Georg." She begged harder than she had ever prayed in her life.
They both knew what had to happen, he had to be brave enough to say it.
"Eventually, you just must learn to let go of the past. It will always hurt you, but you can choose when to start focusing on something other than the pain." he said gently, he didn't want to seem condescending, he certainly didn't feel that way.
Slowly nodding Maria stood up from the floor and holding out her hand to her husband pulled him to sit next to her on the bed.
"Darling, I need to know what it is from your past that is tearing us apart"
"Then it's time you knew."
"Maria, if you aren't ready you don't have to tell me anything. I am certainly not going to force you. England really isn't that far, I can come back every few weeks, we can call and write…it won't be so bad" he said not really believing the words as they left his lips. "I can't watch you be in pain because of me, Maria"
"NO!", she replied sharply, and Georg knew to hold his tongue, "I will not tear this family apart because of my past. I love you all far too much and I have been a coward for far too long. You mean too much to me to let go. "I would go through the pain of my past a hundred times if it means I never have to know the pain of life without you" and she would.
Georg wanted to tell her that she was the bravest person he knew but he knew that she was getting ready to unlock a seriously traumatic memory, so he stayed silent.
Closing her eyes, Maria blindly reached for her husband's hand before beginning, "My mother never wanted children, she loved her freedom, she wanted a career, and she was awfully bright. She could have had any career she wanted. The summer before she was due to leave for medical school in Vienna, she met my father." Maria stopped to regulate her breathing. Pull yourself together, this is the east part!
"It's okay, darling" Georg assured his wife, tracing small circles on the back of her quivering hand.
"My father wanted to marry her straight away and my mother agreed as long as they didn't have children. My mother was lucky because my father hated children. They lived happily for 2 years as a childless couple before my mother accidentally fell pregnant with me. She didn't want the pregnancy; she even went as far as seeing a woman in a back alley to try and get rid of me, but it didn't work. When my father found out… well…he wasn't happy, and he blamed my mother. He threw her down the stairs and when that didn't result in a miscarriage, he would hit her every day in the hopes that she would lose the baby. So my first memories were of abuse, now you know why you're aggression on the terrace sparked such fear in me." Maria didn't know how much longer she could speak, she had never told this story out loud before and the words felt like they were burning her lips, leaving stinging blistered in their place.
At her words, Georg removed his hand from hers, feeling guilty that he started this whole mess. He was shocked when Maria spun to face him, fire lighting up her eyes and said, "Don't you dare blame yourself!" before grasping his hand in hers once again.
"When I was born the abuse didn't stop, I don't remember ever feeling any love from either of my parents and it only got worse as I got older. They wouldn't look at me, never mind speak to me. When I went to school, they wouldn't make me a lunch or send me lunch money, they never bought me a uniform and I always smelled awful. I had never felt an ounce of love in my life. They would hit me every single day and I grew used to it."
Maria could feel Georg's anger, but she needed to power through.
"When I turned 18, I tried to run away in the middle of the night but my parents both caught me, and I received the worst beating of my life. I just remember them saying "you should be grateful to us, we are intelligent, sophisticated people and you ruined our lives, we should have killed you when we had the chance". When I woke up in hospital a week later, I discharged myself and got on the first train to Salzburg and well you know the story from there." Maria said resignedly.
"Darling, I thought you were strong before, but you are 10 times stronger than I realised…may I hug you, my love?" Georg asked as she raced into his arms sniffling into his neck. She felt like she had finally returned home. He didn't judge her for what she had said. He still loved her. She was happier than she had been for months until she heard the question she never wanted to hear again.
"Forgive me, my love, I understand why you are triggered by aggression but this whole thing started from a conversation about having children. I'm struggling to connect the dots…" Georg said hesitantly, not wanting to push her too far too soon.
"Because I will be just like them," she fired back rapidly, "two evil parents results in an evil child. Surely, if I had children, I would turn into a wicked abusive mother just like my parents. You saw how I was with Gretl the other week. I was always told how nice my mother was before I was born and then she turned evil. I don't want to hurt my children." she sobbed.
"But Maria, sweetheart, you love children. You snapped at Gretl because you were in pain. You said your parents always hated children".
Maria knew this was true, but she still couldn't risk it.
"Of course, I love our children, but they don't have any of my wicked DNA running through their veins…I love you too much to turn into a monster." Maria was beginning to hyperventilate; the room was spinning. Her vision was flashing, and her ears were ringing. She couldn't hear anything, and she was sure she was going to pass out until she felt a pair of sturdy familiar hands on her shoulders.
"Darling, snap out of it! Look at me, Maria!" He said, sighing in relief when he got the desired result.
"I don't believe that you would be an awful mother…" seeing her about to protest he quickly added, "but if you don't want children, we simply won't have children. I didn't marry you to have more children, as you know seven is quite a handful. I just didn't want the secrecy tearing us apart."
"You can't truly mean that, Georg. You love children more than I do."
"Maria, this whole thing has been my fault. I kept pushing you to breaking point. I don't want any more children if it going to cause you even one ounce of sadness. You mean one million times more to me than our hypothetical children do."
Maria felt as though she truly was the luckiest woman on earth, "Do you really mean it, darling?" she asked tearing up again.
Laughing and wiping away his wife's tears, Georg smiled and said "Darling, I married you because I love you! It was never my plan to have more children. If one day you want children, I'd be happy to oblige," that comment earned a playful slap from his wife, "but I'm perfectly happy as we are."
"I love you, Georg, I'm sorry for how I've been acting."
"Let's not let what came before matter now" he said, gathering her in his arms, at peace at last.