-oooooo-OOOOOO-oooooo-
At first, Ichigo struggled with the idea that he could do these things without Nnoitra thinking he was weird. It had taken Nnoitra showing him what he was talking about. Ichigo had been fascinated, reading people's accounts of what they did and why. He couldn't imagine that there were other people in the world that felt this way, that needed to do something like this. It wasn't the weirdest thing in the world after all. So, it didn't take long until Nnoitra found him resuming his habit of crawling into his lap, both inside and outside of their room. It surprised him the first time after their talk when Nnoitra was sitting in the recliner reading on his eBook reader when Ichigo had come up and stood by his elbow, looking at him with that look on his face that Nnoitra didn't think he'd ever be able to say no to.
"What is it, Chiquito?" he asked him.
Ichigo had blushed a little and leaned over and whispered into Nnoitra's ear so that his sisters and Gin who were sitting in the living room doing their own things could hear him. "Papi, can I sit on your lap?" he asked.
Nnoitra smiled, patting his lap and nodded, and Ichigo had climbed over the side of the chair and settled in across his lap and putting his head on Nnoitra's shoulder. Both his sisters looked up, confused, because he hadn't been doing that for a while, but obviously, Nnoitra was happy to let him do it. As Nnoitra read, he stroked Ichigo's head and would rub his back now and then. It was such a seemingly simple thing, but it was something that Ichigo needed desperately. Feeling safe and knowing that no matter what, he was okay.
There were other little things the other housemates watched develop over the next two weeks. For one thing, Ichigo would often ask Nnoitra's permission for a lot of things, just odd things, like being excused from the table, if he'd eaten enough, if he could have something in particular to eat… It wasn't the same as before, though. Kisuke realized quickly that it was a different thing entirely. There was no shame associated in these little things, and he seemed pleased when he got what he wanted, and he noted that he'd sort of pout when he was told no. It wasn't a huge deal, but it was just…different. So, several weeks later, Kisuke had pulled Isshin aside and told him that he thought something was different. Between the two of them, they were curious to know what it was.
Isshin knocked on the door after Nnoitra and Ichigo had already gone to bed. There was a muffled, "just a minute" and they both heard movement inside. A second later, Nnoitra had opened the door and looked at Isshin and Kisuke. "Um, yeah?" he asked, glancing between them. He was dressed in his pajamas already.
"Um, I just wanted to find out what exactly is going on?" Isshin said, putting a very father orientated voice on.
Nnoitra glanced at the bed and back to Isshin. "Well, sleeping, mostly," he said, but Isshin caught the sound to the edge of his voice.
"Mostly?" Isshin asked, crossing his arms.
Nnoitra sighed, glancing outside the door and seeing that Kisuke and Isshin were alone. "Come in and I'll explain, but…" he dropped his voice lower. "You have to promise that you won't explode or say anything that might…uh…embarrass him or hurt his feelings, okay?"
Isshin frowned, brows meeting for a second in confusion and concern. "What does that mean?" he answered.
"Come in, he doesn't want the others to know about his…ah…well…any of this," he said quietly, stepping back and sitting down on the bed, patting the lump beside him. Kisuke and Isshin came in, both standing against the door that led to the bathroom.
"Chiquito, come here," he said, trying to pull the cover off his head.
A muffled "Nuh uh," came from under the cover.
"Chiquito, get out from under there right this second," he said, tugging at the blanket again, this time Ichigo's head popped out and stared at Isshin and Kisuke and back to Nnoitra. He grabbed the blanket and pulled it back over his head. "Don't wanna," he said, muffled by the blanket. "Tell them to go 'way," he said, and seemed to be pulling further under the cover.
Nnoitra rolled his eyes, sighing. "Chiquito, I think that your father should understand what we're doing and why, it is your father."
Isshin frowned, leaning back against the wall. "Nuh uh," came Ichigo's voice. "Not coming out til they go 'way."
"Going to be this way, eh, Chiquito? You're in one of those moods," he muttered, leaning over and reaching under the covers, appearing to be looking for something. He grinned, and yanked, pulling the stuffed lion out from under the covers and holding it up and out to the side.
Ichigo sat straight up, throwing the covers off and lunging toward the stuffed animal that Nnoitra was holding out of his read. Nnoitra put a hand on Ichigo's chest, making sure he couldn't reach it, and couldn't fall.
"Papi, you're mean, gimme him!" he said, trying to reach it and then sitting back on his knees, crossing his arms and very obviously pouting. "I don't like you anymore."
Nnoitra gave a half smirk. "Um hmm, I'm sure, now you don't get Kon back until you do what you're told, comprende?"
"That's not fair!" he said, looking at him and very obviously whining.
"Ah, that's what I said!" he said, narrowing his eye at him.
Ichigo turned his back to Nnoitra and grumped audibly before glaring at him. "Fine."
Nnoitra looked over at the very confused expressions of both Isshin and Kisuke. Over the last few weeks, Ichigo had really been coming out of his shell to everyone else, talking more about things he'd learned, discussing different things with both his sisters and the others in the house. He'd even progressed to letting Yuzu and Karin hug him, but he was not quite comfortable with any of the male residents of their house getting even close to touching him, except Nnoitra, of course.
"Now, either you come out of your little space for long enough to talk to your father and Kisuke, or I'm not going to give you the surprise Szayel is bringing for you tomorrow…" Nnoitra said, smirking at him.
Ichigo turned and looked at him, shocked. "But…but…you can't do that! You promised!"
"I know, but this is important, and I know it is outside our agreement, bebé, but this is not something that I can explain alone," Nnoitra said handing Ichigo the stuffed lion again. He snatched it out of his hand and frowned for a second. "I warned you that this might happen. That is why I wanted to talk to them before and you refused."
Ichigo bit his lip thoughtfully for a moment. "They won't understand," he said finally, his voice returning to the normal timber and his shoulders slumped visibly. This time it wasn't the pouty way as before, this was an incredibly distressed and worried look. He looked between Kisuke and Isshin. "They won't understand, and they'll tell me to stop and I can't because it makes me happy…for the first time ever," he said, picking at the furry lion's mane without looking up at them.
"What won't I understand?" Isshin said, frowning. "And what do you mean by agreements and this? What is going on?"
"I…I needed something that I couldn't get from anyone else," Ichigo said, articulating in his adult voice, as Nnoitra had come to refer to it as. "So…Nnoitra and I talked and his friend Szayel gave him this idea. We talked a lot about it, and if it would work, and if it would help me feel…normal…the rest of the time, you know, out there," he said, rubbing the top of his head. "I mean, I know that in like the couple months I've been here, I've changed a lot, I had to because of who I used to be. But…I need that me. The one I used to be, but never got what I needed. So…we started this. And I don't want you to think I don't understand what I'm doing," he said, glaring at both Isshin and Kisuke. "I know what I'm doing, very well. But, having this little space, that's what I call it, it helps me deal with everything else," he said, sighing.
"Little…you mean like…" Kisuke's eyes widened. "Ah, I see…" he said nodding.
Isshin looked at him. "I don't follow."
Kisuke smiled. "Well, it is a type of Domination and submission relationship that some people enjoy," he said nodding. "I've known a couple people that were into that lifestyle, not this particular type, theirs was something called 'pet play' where the one person would be a kitten in this case, and the other would be the owner, taking care of the kitten and doing things like that. There are several different types of these relationships, of course, the more extreme being a 'master and slave' relationship where the submissive gives up all control of their life to the Dominant partner. Really a fascinating thing, though…"
"Wait, you're taking advantage of my son like this?" Isshin said, frowning at Nnoitra.
Nnoitra shook his head but Ichigo had got up and came around the bed, standing firmly in front of Isshin. "Don't do that. Don't you dare pretend like you can say what I can do. You, and Kisuke, and Karin and Yuzu, you all want me to be something I don't know how to be. And I am. I'm doing my best. I'm doing everything I can to give you and them what you all want. Because I care about what you and they feel. I know that seeing me broken and fucked up like I really am is going to make you hurt and I don't want that. I never wanted that. I don't want Uryū to feel guilty because of the awful things Ryūken did to me. And yes, I know what he did was wrong. It took time, but I've managed to figure this out with Nnoitra's help. He saw what I needed, he noticed, and he's done everything he can to give me what I need. I need this, it isn't a want. I can't function out there without this in here between us." He sighed, taking a deep breath and going the place he knew was going to be hardest to understand. "And yes, it does involve sex. Not yet really, but I want it to no matter how much Nnoitra tries to tell me we have to wait longer. I want to be in control of it. I want to be able to say what happens with me, and this way, I can do just that. Nothing, not one thing, that Nnoitra says or does in here or out there is something we haven't already agreed to."
Nnoitra stared at his hands, letting Ichigo use his own voice. He knew it was important for him to do this for himself now. He had to stand on his own feet and prove that he was capable of making these choices, even though he was choosing not to make choices.
"I need this because I can't quite give up something I never had, something…something that is so warped and twisted and just messed up in my head. I can't even think of being a kid without seeing his face, and it just makes me want to…want to…do things I shouldn't," he said, looking away.
Isshin stared at his son, his completely amazing and grown son who was standing up to him despite the fact that he still couldn't bear to be touched in the slightest yet. Isshin nodded and looked at him. "Okay, I…I don't understand, I won't say I do," he said, looking over at Nnoitra. "But I do know that you've been happier since whatever this is started. So…I guess…all I ask…is if you need me, come tell me. I'm still your father."
"You'll always be my father," Ichigo said, smiling at him. "This…this is a different thing. This is wrapped up in control and freedom, and my choices with what I want to happen with me. This is something that gives me the confidence to leave this room, and that's just what it is."
Isshin nodded. "Alright," he said. "But, promise me, both of you, that if something changes and you need help, come to me."
Ichigo nodded, moving forward and tentatively moving to hug Isshin. Isshin carefully put his arms around him and held him for a moment, feeling his heart beat rapidly against his own chest and hearing his breathing speed up. He swallowed and leaned back. "I want to be me, but I've…I've got to find me first."
Isshin smiled, reaching over and thumbing a stray tear off his son's face. "Okay, son, okay."
Nnoitra looked over then. "We agreed that you are his safe person," he said, looking at him. "If he doesn't want to break his role, doesn't want to leave his little space with me, you are the person he can go to, to step outside, if you will. I insisted, though he didn't want it," Nnoitra said as Ichigo came back and sat on the edge of the bed. Nnoitra ruffled his hair gently. "Just like I won't let him do half the things he wants to do yet, because that's part of it. I know he isn't ready, no matter how much he argues the other way."
Isshin nodded, smiling at Nnoitra, bowing slightly, and leaving the room, shutting the door behind him. He closed his eyes and went around to the bedroom he and Kisuke were sharing. He sat down on his side and thought a long time until Kisuke put a hand on his arm. Isshin turned and looked at him. "Is it okay?" he asked him.
"It is," Kisuke said, smiling. "Now go to sleep, Isshin," he said, rolling over and turning off the lamp.
Isshin sat there for a long time, though, unable to sleep until finally he felt the tears well again. It was sudden and he couldn't stop them, and it was like everything in all the world was wrong and right at the same time and he just wanted to make his son happy. All he ever wanted was to have him happy.
He felt the bed move and Kisuke came around and sat down beside him, putting an arm around his shoulders and leaning against him. They sat like that for a long time, until Isshin ran out of tears. He felt Kisuke reach over and wipe his face in the darkness.
"Isshin," he said quietly. "You love him, and he loves you," Kisuke said. "That's all there needs to be, right?"
Isshin nodded, looking over in the dim light at Kisuke's steely gray eyes. He saw something, something he didn't quite understand, and leaned against him, because he was so tired of fighting with his own heart as well as the world around him.
-oooooo-OOOOOO-oooooo-
Ichigo sat for a long time beside Nnoitra and thought. "I want the collar," he said, finally, turning and looking at him. Nnoitra arched his brow.
"What?" he asked.
"I want to wear it," he said. In the bag of toys had been a very delicate blue colored collar. It could pass as a necklace; it was so thin. It was just a strip of three-quarter inch wide suede leather with a silver buckle on the back. "No one will know what it is but us. And if they do know, what of it? It's my choice to wear what I want. And when you put that tag on it, it looks even more like a necklace. It…it would mean something to me, to feel it there, and know it came from you."
Nnoitra swallowed thickly. "Are you sure of that?"
Ichigo nodded. "I am. I think…I think it would be something tangible that I could feel out there in the rest of the world, to remind me."
Nnoitra nodded. "Okay, but…" he said, holding up his finger. "It can only be taken off by me, and it has to be taken off before bed and when you bathe."
Ichigo nodded. "Okay," he said, leaning over and hugging Nnoitra. "You know, we have a lot of toys that we haven't even looked at," he whispered against his neck, kissing him.
"I know, but I don't…" he started, but Ichigo had shifted, sitting back on his thighs, eyes hooded and looking up at him.
"Please, Papi," he said, looking almost tearful. "I wanna play with the big boy toys, you promised we could, 'member?" he asked, smiling as sweetly as any child ever could.
Nnoitra felt his throat go dry and his blood rush directly to his cock and he let out a throaty growl. "Ah, Chiquito, why do you do this? I said no, remember?" he said, centering his eye on him. Ichigo turned his lips into a pout and grabbed his lion and clutched it.
"The I'm going to be mad at you," he said, turning his back to Nnoitra and harrumphing at him.
"Now, what did Papi say about pouting?" Nnoitra said, already seeing where this was going.
Together, they'd lined out what sort of things they wanted to call "punishments" and what sort of consequences for Ichigo's "bratty" behavior would be. Of course, incidents of his "bratty" behavior were intended very much to receive said punishments, of course. There were rewards, too, but it all depending on the mood Ichigo was in, whether he wanted to be cuddled and loved, or if he wanted to be punished.
"That if I kept it up, you were going to punish me for it next time," he said, and Ichigo glanced back over his shoulder at Nnoitra, and Nnoitra caught the smirk on his face for a second before it disappeared.
Nnoitra smirked as well, sighing. He was definitely pushing for it this time. He'd deferred Ichigo for several days, but each day, he was trying to push Nnoitra to do something. So finally, after Ichigo had stormed out of the kitchen because he didn't get his way and pouted in the bedroom, Nnoitra had told him that he was going to get a chance to straighten out before that night. Obviously, Ichigo didn't want to do that. He wanted Nnoitra to play with him.
"So, Chiquito, what are you going to do? Are you going to behave, or are you going to keep pouting and make Papi punish you?" he said, leaning forward on the bed a bit.
"I don't like you anymore. You're mean and you're a bad Papi," Ichigo groused. Of course, that was a specific cue that they'd agreed to. There were several of those, but that particular one meant that Ichigo was wanting the more severe of the punishments they'd come up with. Nnoitra honestly hadn't thought this would be the first one he would go for, but whatever, it wasn't his choice, it was Ichigo's.
"Oh, now you have definitely made Papi upset, bebé," Nnoitra said, moving off the bed and walking around to the end to look down at him. Ichigo looked up and gave him an incredibly pouty face. "You don't say things like that, comprende? You do not tell Papi that. I want to make you happy, but I can't have you saying such naughty things."
Ichigo's eyes flittered from the floor up to Nnoitra, and Nnoitra saw his eyes were blown and he was starting to breath heavily. "Well, I'm still mad," he said, looking away.
Nnoitra reached forward and turned his face to him. "No, don't look away when I'm talking to you," he said, meeting Ichigo's eyes. "You know what the consequence is, don't you?"
Ichigo tried to look away but Nnoitra didn't let him. "Yes, Papi," he said, and his lip quivered. "Papi, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I won't say it again," he said, looking like he was about to cry any second. For a moment Nnoitra hesitated, starting to wonder if he was really wanting him to do this, but Ichigo reached up and ran his fingers across the back of Nnoitra's hand and nodded to him almost imperceptibly. If he wasn't looking directly at him, he wouldn't have seen it. His fingers ran softly over his hand and he sighed. "I'll be a good boy, Papi," he said, eyes starting to look teary again.
"Hmm, you still have to be punished, sí?" he said, standing up and letting go of Ichigo's chin.
"Papi, I'm sorry, I won't do it again!" he said, looking all the world a vision of innocence.
"Ah, but how will you learn if you don't receive the punishment for your actions, eh?" he asked, sitting down against the headboard of the bed and patting his lap. "Come on."
Ichigo nodded, looking forlorn and crawled slowly over the bed until he was kneeling by Nnoitra's legs. Nnoitra waited patiently, arms crossed over his chest. Ichigo slowly crawled over him, laying on his stomach across his lap. Nnoitra could already feel Ichigo's hardness against his thigh and if he hadn't been hard already, he would have been from that. The things Ichigo did to him, he thought. He sighed, running his hands gently up and down Ichigo's back and ass over the light pajamas he'd gotten him. They weren't what Ichigo wanted but locating the type of pajamas Ichigo wanted in his size was proving…challenging for Szayel. He slid his hands under the back of the top and felt the staccato of his heart and felt his breathing. Ichigo and he had worked out these positions already, of course. Ichigo's head was laying on his crossed arms, and a pillow was under his chest to support him.
He slid one hand down the back of his pajama bottoms, then slid them down off his hips until they rested below the swell of his ass. Nnoitra ran his hands over the smooth flesh a few times, marveling at how soft it was, and how pale. Then he snapped his wrist and swatted him the first time. Ichigo jerked and whimpered into the pillow, but Nnoitra could feel him already leaking through his clothes onto his leg. Nnoitra was a little surprised, but he slowly rubbed circles around the quickly reddening mark he'd left.
"Are you okay, Chiquito?" he asked softly.
Ichigo nodded into his pillow. "You remember what to do to stop?" he asked. Ichigo nodded into the pillow again, and Nnoitra nodded, smacking him several more times, and realized the poor thing was stifling moans and he was already dripping so much down Nnoitra's leg that he was sure that he was going to go over the edge without him ever touching him.
After about six swats that left bright reddish splotches over his ass, Nnoitra rubbed his hands over him gently. "Ah, now Chiquito, was that so bad?"
Ichigo pushed himself up and looked down where his pajamas were soaked through. "Papi, I made a mess," he whispered, cutting his eyes up at Nnoitra. "Can I take this off? It…it's sticky…"
Nnoitra nodded and Ichigo shimmied out of the bottoms and tossed them over the side of the bed. He glanced down and back to Nnoitra. "Papi, I'm sorry, can…can I make it up to you? You aren't a bad Papi," he said, eyes roaming down Nnoitra. "I can help Papi," he said, crawling over and nudging Nnoitra's hand with his head.
Nnoitra couldn't stand much more at this rate. He swallowed, arching his hips up and sliding his sweatpants down his legs. Ichigo grabbed them and yanked them off quickly, surprising Nnoitra at his fervor. "Easy, Chiquito," he said, moving a bit.
It was really the first time Ichigo had seen him. Before, Ichigo had been grinding on his lap, or he'd been touching him. Ichigo stared for a moment. "Papi, you're so…so…" he whispered.
Ichigo, however, was not deterred by his surprise. He was instead fascinated. He reached out tentatively and ran his hand around Nnoitra and began sliding his hand up and down the shaft like Nnoitra had done for him. He felt the organ twitch in his hand, and he smiled to himself. He'd done this. He'd put his Papi in this state, and he was very proud of that fact. He leaned forward, cutting his eyes up at Nnoitra before he stuck out his tongue and licked gently at the head. Nnoitra held on for dear life because fucking hell was that look enough to send him over the edge. Ichigo spent a few more minutes exploring with his tongue and fingers before he started to go down further, but immediately gagged himself.
Ichigo came up, face turning red and coughing. "Oh, Chiquito, don't hurt yourself," Nnoitra said, but Ichigo nodded, a look of sheer determination on his face as he leaned over again, and this time tried not to gag, but played with him, trying to avoid nicking him with his teeth. He wasn't doing too bad, Nnoitra thought, especially for someone who hadn't given a blow job before. He felt it building in his stomach, and he resisted the incredible urge to just slam Ichigo's face down on him. He instead swallowed. "Bebé, Papi's almost there, if you want to…to…"
Ichigo instead of sitting up and finishing with his hand like Nnoitra thought he would, began to suck harder on him as far down as he could go without choking. Nnoitra grunted, and he felt rolled his eyes up and felt the most incredible sensation of going off like that. Ichigo waited, sucking and licking until he'd finished, and looked up at him, smiling.
"I did good, Papi?" he asked, smiling at him, spit dripping down from the corners of his mouth still.
"Oh yes, come here, Papi will give you a present now," he said, gesturing to him to come toward him. When he got closer, Nnoitra turned him to face away from him then pushed him over on his legs. He had an excellent view, he thought pulling Ichigo's hips back toward him and leaning forward to lick at the still red flesh on his ass. Ichigo gasped at the touch but didn't move. Again, it was a position they had practiced, so he knew where to put his hands and his head to keep from hurting himself.
"Hmm, does Chiquito like Papi's tongue on him?" he said, leaning forward and licking the reddened flesh until he found his way to the crease. Ichigo gasped a bit but didn't move as he licked down toward his entrance. Ichigo whimpered now. "Chiquito, don't bite your hands, remember?" he said, and he felt Ichigo move his hands.
Nnoitra continued the slow and torturous process of teasing the poor creature until he was very nearly about to crest. Nnoitra reached under and grasped the base of his cock though, causing him to moan deliciously. He could feel the panting breaths on his leg as he slid his tongue through the entrance and felt him shudder. He wasn't done with him yet, of course. He moved a bit, sliding his free hand up and sliding his fingers against him, pressing lightly, waiting to see if he was going to have him stop.
"Chiquito?" he said quietly. "If you want me to stop, you know you can," he said, breathing out on the heated flesh.
"Puh-please…Papi…" he panted against his leg. "Please…" he said, and Nnoitra nodded, sliding his finger through the tight ring of muscles. He felt him quiver under him, letting out a low throaty moan. He was careful, of course, watching for any indication he should stop. Instead, he only got the cues that they'd worked on as ongoing confirmation. It wasn't something that had happened over a few days. It had been three weeks now that they had been arranging the things that would keep both of them in check. Ichigo had wanted to progress faster, but Nnoitra had absolutely refused to rush things.
"Chiquito, I'm going to touch something, and it is going to feel very good," he said beginning to stroke him slowly, but still keeping pressure on him. "And when I do, I want you to let go for Papi, okay?"
"Un hun," was all Ichigo could manage as Nnoitra slid his second finger into him beside the first. Again, he shuddered and Nnoitra concentrated on finding…he smirked as he felt the spongey bundle of nerves he was looking for. He slowly began to stroke him from the inside and the outside, and he was pretty sure Ichigo might come unglued completely if he didn't let him go. He was completely nonsensical, muttering things and panting with both hands gripping tightly to Nnoitra's calves. He was sure he was going to have nail marks.
"Okay, Chiquito, let go…of everything," he said, sliding his hand up and down on him quickly, flicking his wrist up to angle the stroke a bit. A couple deft strokes and he fell over the top of the wave he was riding. Ichigo's voice stuttered in a sort of mixture of a moan and whine as he felt it slam into him. Nnoitra kept his fingers seated inside him, feeling his body constrict on him, and smiled. It would seem that he was going to be very responsive as time went on. When he collapsed forward, Nnoitra leaned up, scooping him back into his lap, cradling him against his chest.
He rocked him gently and petted his hair as he breathed heavily against his chest. After a minute, he looped both arms around his neck and buried his face there. It took longer than Nnoitra expected, but he finally seemed to come out of the headspace and started to snuggle against him.
"Papi," he whispered. "I'm tired now," he said quietly. "I love you, Papi," he said quietly and Nnoitra pulled him even tighter for a moment before sliding both of them down into the bed, and Nnoitra found it impossible to remove Ichigo from his arms. He managed to get his mask on before he fell asleep completely, but even then, his arms were full and that night, no nightmares woke his little one.