Who Says You Can't Go Home

by Clubhouse Treats

When RK finds out he never received his elementary school diploma, the guys organize a trip where they and the rest of their friends from iCarly Elementary go back to the school.

1. Who Says You Can't Go Home Script

Thank You, Heavenly

Theme Song: "Let It Roll" by Divide the Day

SEASON 9

EPISODE 9

Air Date: May 7, 2023

"Who Says You Can't Go Home"

Special Guest Stars: Dorien Wilson as Mr. Frax

#TYH909

SCENE 1

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

Sparky wipes off his elementary school diploma when RK walks in.

RK: Hey Sparko, you ready to hit the park?

SPARKY: Why would I go there?

RK: Because we agreed to go play catch today. Are you starting to get dementia?

SPARKY: Damn, I forgot. You know what happened? I was looking for something and I noticed my diploma was getting real dirty. So, I decided to start cleaning it. I'm going to shine it up real nice and display it in my room. You know, as a sense of pride and accomplishment.

RK: And also as a sense of ego?

SPARKY: Hey, I graduated fifth grade. I earned this. What are you doing with your diploma?

RK: Nothing. I didn't want to pay that money, so I never ordered one.

SPARKY: What?

RK: Look, I know it sounds crazy, but let me give you the rundown. Between picture day, the senior trip, the fundraisers, prom, that was a busy year for me. I'm not recession proof, Sparks. So, I had to make a choice: Diploma or wallet? I chose wisely, I think.

SPARKY: Dude, you don't order a diploma. You get one for free.

RK: Are you serious?

SPARKY: Yes. On the last day of school, all the seniors got their diplomas from Principal MacGregor. You never got yours?

RK: No. I was too busy celebrating the fact that I never had to step foot in that shithole again. I didn't have time for that mess.

SPARKY: Well, I'm pretty sure MacGregor still has it. You should go back to iCarly and get it.

RK: Oh, hell no. I went out in a blaze of glory. I vowed to myself that I would never top that exit and I don't want to tarnish it by going back.

SPARKY: Think of it this way. You're not going back for no reason. You're going back for your diploma, your prize. MacGregor owes it to you.

RK: Interesting. Yeah, he does owe me. After everything I went through in that place, I'm entitled to that diploma.

SPARKY: That's right.

RK: I'm the man.

SPARKY: Damn straight, I'm just the man standing next to the man.

RK: The White Mamba says that he is going to get what belongs to him personally.

SPARKY: It's personal.

RK: I know it is.

SPARKY: So, when are you going to go there?

RK: I don't know, I was thinking he could just mail that shit to me.

Sparky gives RK a bored expression.

SCENE 2

The Jennings Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

RK is on the phone as he sits on the couch with KG.

RK: Hey Karen. Yeah, it's RK. RK Jennings? Beat. Yeah, Satan's illegitimate child. Look, I've recently been informed that I'm entitled to my elementary school diploma. Turns out I never received mine. Beat. I don't know. If it happened to me, I'm pretty sure other kids are victims of incompetence. So, could I get it mailed or... Beat. No, I can't go back. I don't want to go back, I don't wanna. Beat. Well, how about I inform Washington's school board about this? Get some heads rolling, they'll love that. Beat. Hello? Hello, are you hearing me? Where's MacGregor, is he hiding from me?!

KG: I'm pretty sure you can hang up, bro.

RK: Thanks for the amazing insight. I'm in hell right now.

KG: Why?

RK: I never got my diploma from iCarly Elementary, but I'm owed one so I thought I could have it shipped here. But no, they're telling me I have to show up in person to get one.

KG: So, what's the problem?

RK: I don't want to go back there. The last day of school was my series finale. I ended it on good terms. Now, I have to lower myself by going back, walking through those ugly halls, seeing a bunch of nasty, smelly kids destroy what used to be mine? It's gonna make me cry.

KG: Maybe you could send someone to pick up the diploma for you. You know, like how famous people do when they don't want to go to award shows.

RK: Right, a Beyoncé move. You think-

KG: I don't mean me, I'm not going to that raggedy-ass school. Send one of your friends to do it.

RK: Of course. But I can't just tell them to do it. I have to figure out how to sell it.

SCENE 3

The Jennings Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

The guys are all in RK's living room.

RK: I've gathered all four of you here for a very important reason. It turns out I never received my diploma after I graduated fifth grade.

BUSTER: I can't believe this.

WADE: How did you not get your diploma? We were all called into the office to get ours.

RK: If I don't remember it, it didn't happen. The real problem is, they told me I had to go into the school to retrieve it. But because of extenuating circumstances, I can't go back there.

SPARKY: Man, you just don't wanna go.

RK: That's the extenuating circumstance. So, I'm giving you one of you guys the opportunity of a lifetime. To pick up the diploma on my behalf, and protect my amazing exit from that school.

JAYLYNN: Your lazy ass isn't going to make me do your dirty work.

RK: Jaylynn, why do you hate me so much? Don't you want to see me with my diploma all glitzy and shimmery, looking like it was dipped in baby oil? Don't you want to see a happy RK?

JAYLYNN: Whether you're happy or sad, I still have to live my life, bro.

RK: Alright, Jay couldn't step up to the plate as expected. Boys?

WADE: Let me ask you something. Did the school say you had to pick up the diploma yourself?

RK: That's an interesting question, Wade. Very analytical. And from my understanding, they did not say I couldn't send someone.

WADE: Then I have my answer. They're not going to give someone something that doesn't belong to them.

RK: Okay, then here's a proposition for you. You bring back the Body Swap, right?

JAYLYNN: Why don't we all go with you when you get the diploma? Would that make your lazy ass feel better?

RK: Actually, it would. A united front standing tall against adversity. I love it.

BUSTER: I have a better idea. Why don't we get all of last year's fifth graders to come with us? None of us have been there since we graduated.

SPARKY: You think they'll want to come?

BUSTER: Of course. Going back to your old school after you graduate is like a tradition. It's a rite of passage. If we do this, we go from boys to men.

JAYLYNN: I'm not a boy.

BUSTER: Then you go from a girl to a woman. Simple math.

RK: I'm interested in the idea, but we have to get all of our friends to meet at the same time on the same day. This is a big task.

SPARKY: Well, why don't we work on certain people? Obviously, I can get Halley to say yes. RK, since you and Will are in remedial class together, you could ask him. And Jaylynn, you can get the girls to come.

JAYLYNN: Dope. But I haven't spoken to Gilcania in a while. She's been really hard to get in touch with.

BUSTER: I'll work on her then. Remember, I introduced Gilcy to you. If I ask her for something, she'll do it.

WADE: I didn't know you and Gilcania were still close.

BUSTER: I mean, we're not brother and sister, but it won't be a problem.

WADE: Okay, so if you guys are all recruiting people, maybe I can call the school afterwards and set up a visitor's appointment. Coordinate everybody's times, keep track of who can and can't show up.

SPARKY: That's great. Let's do this, let's bring the band back together.

BUSTER, RK, WADE, AND JAYLYNN: Yeah!

Beat.

SPARKY: We could probably start now.

BUSTER, RK, WADE, AND JAYLYNN: Right, right.

Buster, RK, Wade, and Jaylynn all leave at the same time while Sparky sits on the couch.

SPARKY: Wait a minute, what the hell?

Sparky gets up and leaves at the same time RK returns.

SPARKY (CONT.)/RK: Your house/My house.

Sparky pats RK on the back as he closes the door behind him.

SCENE 4

Craig Bartlett Junior High School

Interior Mr. Yorkin's Classroom

Seattle, Washington

The next day, RK and Will are in class as they work on an assignment silently.

RK: Pssst. Will, I have to ask you something.

WILL: Dude, for the last time, I don't know what happened to your sharpener. I didn't take it!

RK: Just so you know, I asked everybody in here, not just you. But enough of that, let's talk business. We're trying to get all of last year's seniors to come together and visit iCarly Elementary when I pick up my diploma.

WILL: How do you not have your diploma?

RK: Because of incompetence. So, do you want to tag along?

WILL: I don't know. I'm done with that school, why would I go back?

RK: Believe me, yesterday, I was in the same place as you. But this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. You get to see and talk to all your old friends again.

WILL: I talk to Manny all the time.

RK: But you've never seen him while he's in school, have you?

WILL: No, I haven't. Wait, we're ditching school for this?

RK: I don't see why not. Think of it as our own little field trip, no permission slip needed.

WILL: I mean, when you put it like that, that sounds kinda decent. I wouldn't mind missing a day of school.

RK: Who would? So, you're down to clown?

WILL: Yup. Just keep me posted as to when we're going.

RK: Sure.

Beat.

RK (CONT.): Hey, about the sharpener, you think Mr. Yorkin stole it? He probably knew no one would suspect him.

Will gives RK a bored expression.

SCENE 5

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

All the guys have gathered together for a status report on the senior reunion trip. Wade holds a clipboard in his hand.

SPARKY: Okay, so who's confirmed for this trip?

WADE: Well, we have Will and Halley.

SPARKY: And who else?

WADE: That's it. Everybody else is still up in the air. Wait a minute, Robert. Robert's coming, too.

RK: Wait, who recruited Robert?

BUSTER: I did. Robert's the man. I miss the way he used to talk about his button collection.

SPARKY: Guys, what's going on? How come the girls haven't said anything yet?

BUSTER: Gilcania's been busy lately, but she said she would call me tonight. That's when I'm going to seal the deal.

SPARKY: What about you, Jaylynn?

JAYLYNN: Ashley and Sanna don't want to come.

RK: Are you kidding me?

WADE: Of course, they wouldn't come.

BUSTER: The only thing that's keeping me excited about this is Robert.

SPARKY: Jaylynn, are you sure that's what they said?

JAYLYNN: Well, they didn't say "no" straight up. They said they would think about it.

Buster, RK, and Wade groan.

JAYLYNN (CONT.): Yeah, I had the same reaction. I know they're bougie, but you can just say no without the theatrics.

SPARKY: I don't see the problem. They said they would think about it, so they could still come.

RK: Sparks, the phrase "think about it" doesn't mean what it used to mean. It's just a passive-aggressive way of saying no.

SPARKY: Well, that is on-brand for Ashley and Sanna.

WADE: If you ask me, it comes more from Sanna. You know Ashley is trying to convince her to do it.

JAYLYNN: Really? I always thought it was the other way around. As long as you cut Sanna a check, she'll wear a chicken suit and call herself Miss Cluckles.

SPARKY: You know what, Jaylynn? Why don't we meet up with Ashley and Sanna and try getting them on board? Maybe bring some cash with us.

JAYLYNN: Good idea. And if they say no, we can always replace them with Anja.

Beat.

JAYLYNN (CONT.): What? We all know she'll say yes.

RK: She didn't go to our school, smooth brain.

JAYLYNN: She's still my best friend, jackass. Besides, if Redman can be considered part of the Wu-Tang Clan, I think we can consider this.

SCENE 6

McDonald's

Interior Booth

Seattle, Washington

("Hey Baby" by the Jonas Brothers plays over the loudspeakers)

Sparky and Jaylynn sit in their booth as they wait for Ashley and Sanna.

JAYLYNN: Sparky, are you sure this will work? When I saw them the other day, they weren't into it at all.

SPARKY: Trust me, Jaylynn, we'll get them to come. It's all about appealing to their emotions. And if we can't do that, their wallets.

JAYLYNN: True. Here they come.

Ashley and Sanna walk to the booth. Sparky and Jaylynn are both dead-eyed and nervous.

SANNA: What the hell? Are you guys dead?

ASHLEY: Yeah, don't play dead to scare us, that's mean.

SPARKY: No, we're not dead. How are you guys doing?

ASHLEY: We're okay. How about you?

SPARKY: Never better. I know my associate here talked to you about it, but I really think you should come with us when RK gets his diploma.

SANNA: We already said we would think about it.

SPARKY: Another associate of mine told me that can mean anything.

ASHLEY: You don't have to keep saying "associate," we know who your friends are. We both dated one of them?

SANNA: Yeah, maybe don't mention that last thing to everyone.

JAYLYNN: Guys, this is a big deal. Going back to your old school after you graduate is important. It turns girls into women.

ASHLEY: How?

JAYLYNN: You have to trust me on this.

SPARKY: You also have to trust that living in a bubble isn't a good thing. Being away from everyone else all the time? That's not healthy.

SANNA: Hey, we don't live in a bubble. We don't have a problem with you guys or anyone else from iCarly.

SPARKY: So, why do you have to think about it?

ASHLEY: We just think it's too soon, you know? Going back there like this. I thought it would be later on.

SANNA: When we're in high school or some shit.

JAYLYNN: Who the f*** wants to wait until high school?

SANNA: Watch your mouth.

JAYLYNN: You watch yours.

ASHLEY: How about you both watch your mouths? We're at a restaurant.

SANNA: It's McDonald's, not Le Chateau de la Nourriture.

SPARKY: Look, I know you guys think it's too soon, but if you wait too long, it'll be too late. It's sixth grade, we still like each other. By the time we get to high school, we'll all have new friends, new hobbies, and we won't want to hang out anymore.

ASHLEY: He has a point.

SANNA: Yeah, my memory is kinda shot. When high school comes, I'll forget half the people I met before.

SPARKY: Besides, you only have to do it once. One time, and you never have to look back.

Ashley and Sanna look at each other, then back at Sparky and Jaylynn.

SANNA: Give us one thousand dollars each.

SPARKY: One thousand bucks?

JAYLYNN: Plus one thousand more?

SPARKY: But we don't have that kind of-

SANNA: One thousand dollars each.

JAYLYNN: I can't f***ing believe this, you're ripping us off for two G-notes. This is bullshit.

Ashley snaps her fingers and motions her hand, then Sparky pulls out his briefcase and takes out two stacks of money. Ashley gives one of the stacks to Sanna, who has a dreamy smile on her face.

ASHLEY: Here you go, Sanna. Sanna? Sanna, you there? Sanna?

Cut to the present day, where Sanna realizes she was daydreaming.

SANNA: What, what?

ASHLEY: Sparky and Jaylynn are talking, you've been smiling like a creep for two minutes.

SANNA: Oh, I'm sorry, guys. I was thinking about...things. Anyway, what are we talking about?

SPARKY: We are talking about the trip to iCarly Elementary.

JAYLYNN: Yeah, are you in or out?

SANNA: I'm in. 100% in. Ash, what about you?

ASHLEY: I already said I would give it a go.

SANNA: I'm giving it a go, too.

JAYLYNN: Okay? We'll keep in touch about the details.

ASHLEY: Sure. You two stay safe.

SPARKY: You, too.

Sparky and Jaylynn get up from the booth and leave McDonald's.

ASHLEY: Hon, what were you doing for all that time? They almost left.

SANNA: I was having a fantasy. They gave us money. One thousand dollars each.

ASHLEY: Why would they have that much money?

SANNA: They're capable of anything. I was upset when I woke up. I thought you could use that money to update your wardrobe.

ASHLEY: There's nothing wrong with my wardrobe.

SANNA: Ashley, I know we're friends, but just because you say something, doesn't mean I have to agree with it.

SCENE 7

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

The guys are back for another status report.

SPARKY: So, Ashley and Sanna are in. All we need now is Gilcania and we can set this thing up.

BUSTER: If you need Gilcania, you can have Gilcania.

WADE: So, I can add her to the list?

BUSTER: Yes. I was just trying to say it in a cool way like in the Marvel movies.

RK: How did the phone call go?

BUSTER: It was great. I told her about the idea, she thought it was really cute, and she would love to come.

JAYLYNN: Did she ask about us?

BUSTER: No. I don't see why she would, that's a weird question to ask me.

JAYLYNN: Never mind. It looks like we have everybody then.

WADE: That's right. Now, we just have to pick a date and time and RK, you'll be one step closer to picking up your diploma.

RK: What diploma?

SPARKY: Your fifth grade diploma. The whole reason we're doing this?

RK: Right. I've been so caught up in the excitement, I forgot this was a business trip.

SCENE 8

("Come Follow Me" by Aaron Carter plays in the background)

The guys begin to make plans for their return to iCarly Elementary. Wade calls the school and speaks to Principal MacGregor, who seems pleasantly surprised about the request. He starts to get visitor's passes ready to hand out. The guys all speak to their people: Sparky to Halley, Buster to Gilcania, RK to Will, and Jaylynn to Ashley and Sanna. RK goes to a local store and gets commemorative T-shirts made that read: "iCarly Elementary OG Reunion Tour" on the front and "I Was There" on the back. The shirt also displays a picture of the class of 2020 during their senior trip to Washington, D.C. Wade sends an email to everyone with specific instructions on what to do during the visit, along with a text in the group chat. On the day of, the kids get in their respective cars and drive to iCarly Elementary at various times. All of them are shown wearing the commemorative shirts RK made. The main five are the first to arrive alongside Halley.

SCENE 9

iCarly Elementary School

Exterior Entrance

Seattle, Washington

Sparky, Buster, RK, Wade, Jaylynn, and Halley all look at the school.

SPARKY: Here we are.

BUSTER: This place hasn't changed at all.

WADE: Buster, it's only been a couple months.

BUSTER: Has it, Wade? Or does it just feel like that?

HALLEY: RK, I've been meaning to ask, why the hell are you wearing pinstripes?

RK: They just feel appropriate. Besides, they go great with the shirt.

JAYLYNN: They make you look like you play for the Yankees.

SPARKY: I hate the Yankees.

BUSTER: Me too. RK, take those off immediately.

HALLEY: Hey, don't start shitting on my team. RK, you can wear whatever you want, I don't care.

RK: Cool.

BUSTER: Halley, you're a Yankees fan?

HALLEY: Of course. Did you forget I'm from New York?

BUSTER: Right, the Bronx.

HALLEY: Brooklyn.

BUSTER: I don't think it matters.

RK: Guys, look, the crew is coming.

Two more cars pull up to the school. Ashley, Sanna, and Gilcania get out of one car, while Will and Robert get out of another one.

WADE: I coordinated this so well, it's beautiful.

Wade gives the chef's kiss gesture.

ASHLEY: So, are we ready to come in here and...get RK's diploma, right?

RK: Yeah, I don't blame you, it's a really exciting day.

BUSTER: Robert, my man. I'm glad Will decided to drive you.

WILL: That's not what happened. Robert said he could drive himself, but you told me to make sure he was safe.

BUSTER: Robert needs to be protected.

ROBERT: Robert can speak for himself. By the way, Buster, I know what you're thinking, and I got it. First day buy.

Robert shows Buster an orange-and-green button.

BUSTER: Damn, is that the one?

ROBERT: It's the one. Limited edition, same color as Hi-C Shoutin' Orange Tangergreen.

BUSTER: I need to start my own button collection.

RK: I'm sorry, who the f*** is this guy?

SPARKY: Let's just go inside.

The kids begin to walk up the steps.

JAYLYNN: Hey Gilcy, how are you doing?

GILCANIA: I'm okay. You?

JAYLYNN: Good. You know, it's been a while since we've seen each other.

GILCANIA: We go to the same school, boo-boo. I'm pretty sure I've seen you there.

JAYLYNN: I guess, but...you know.

GILCANIA: I know what?

JAYLYNN: Nothing, let's just do the thing.

SCENE 10

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Principal MacGregor's Office

Seattle, Washington

RK walks into the office.

PRINCIPAL MACGREGOR: He lives. RK Jennings, how are ya?

RK: Principal MacGregor, my arch-nemesis. I'm okay, but I think you have something that belongs to me.

PRINCIPAL MACGREGOR: I do? What is it?

RK: Come on, man, after all these months, you don't know what it could be? You know.

PRINCIPAL MACGREGOR: I really don't, RK.

RK: Listen, sir, I traveled a long way to come to this place. I sacrificed a lot to be here today. I have a whole troop of sixth graders ready to die if things go south. So, without any further ado, where's my diploma?

PRINCIPAL MACGREGOR: Right here under this folder. Here you go.

Principal MacGregor gives RK a manila envelope that contains his elementary school diploma.

RK: You had it here this whole time? Where anybody could steal it?

PRINCIPAL MACGREGOR: No, I pulled it out for you because Karen told me you were coming. I just didn't expect you to go on this whole preamble.

RK: Well, I don't know what a preamble is, but it's nice to finally has what's mines.

PRINCIPAL MACGREGOR: That grammar was horrible. Please tell me you're doing well in English.

RK: I take remedial English now.

PRINCIPAL MACGREGOR: That's not news, that's common sense. Please tell me you're passing your classes, please!

SCENE 11

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Mr. Frax's Classroom

Seattle, Washington

Ashley and Sanna talk to Mr. Frax while RK is with Buster, Manny, and Will in the back of the class.

MANNY: So, this is how it is, huh? I fail summer school, get left back, and now, you two are Fanboy and Chum Chum?

BUSTER: Nobody even remembers that show.

MANNY: Shut up, I wasn't talking to you. And if we're being honest, you should be here, too.

BUSTER: But I'm not. So, what's your point, fifth grader?

RK: Good one.

MANNY: I hate you so much. All three of you.

WILL: We talk all the time. You have no reason to hate me.

MANNY: I'm bitter, okay? When I get to sixth grade, I'm making it mine.

RK: Listen, Manuel, you have too much hate inside you. Just because Will and I are in remedial class, doesn't mean we're best friends.

MANNY: Well, you being in that class is the most obvious thing in the world, so that's cool.

RK: If you don't hit the books this year, you're going to end up right in there with us.

MANNY: Great. Then I can take my best friend back, you nugget!

MR. FRAX: Guys, would you calm down back there?

MANNY: I don't need to be on his bad side. Where's Jaylynn's fine ass staying?

BUSTER: She's with Sparky in another class. And she doesn't want to see you.

MANNY: Did she tell you that?

BUSTER: Do you see her here?

MANNY: No.

BUSTER: Then put it together, genius.

RK: Damn, Buster, you're on fire today.

SCENE 12

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

Sparky talks to Shane near the lockers.

SHANE: Wow, so you guys really almost went to jail?

SPARKY: Yeah, the cops were out to get us. But just so you know, one of them enjoys the nose candy so remember that if they ever harass you.

SHANE: I will. Hey, man, I'm sorry for all the bullshit last year. It was stupid.

SPARKY: Don't worry, it's water under the bridge. Or as Bitch Clock would say, "Aga-lagalente past the kidneys."

SHANE: What? Who's Bitch Clock?

SPARKY: No one. Forget what I said, Bitch Clock doesn't exist.

SHANE: I got it. I can't wait to go to junior high so I can get drunk, too.

SPARKY: Yeah, you...wait, what?

Jaylynn talks to Halley near the water fountain.

JAYLYNN: I'm just saying, is it me or is Gilcania acting different?

HALLEY: She seems the same to me.

JAYLYNN: I don't know. It's just that when we're in the same room, it's like she doesn't want to be around me.

HALLEY: That doesn't mean anything. We're in the same room all the time and I don't want to be around you.

Beat.

HALLEY (CONT.): I'm kidding. Or am I?

JAYLYNN: Halley!

HALLEY: Ha! The way you got all mad just now, hehe. But seriously, Jaylynn, if you think Gilcy's acting weird, why don't you talk to her about it?

JAYLYNN: I don't want to do anything yet. It's too soon in the game. I'll keep my eye on her and if she keeps being cold, I may or may not talk to her.

HALLEY: You may or may not? What kind of wishy-washy talk is that?

JAYLYNN: I can't really say, I just thought I would ignore it and then mention it awkwardly like a beta.

HALLEY: Could you stop talking like that?

JAYLYNN: Sure, whatever you want, Halley. It's not you, it's me.

Beat.

JAYLYNN (CONT.): See, that's how you troll someone.

SCENE 13

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

After school, the kids all look relaxed.

SPARKY: You know, that was a great day. I thought it would be weird going back to iCarly, but it was like nothing changed.

WADE: Haven't we been gone for less than a year?

SPARKY: Yeah, but a lot's happened already. Bitch Clock almost became a multi-millionaire. It's like we're in a simulation now.

BUSTER: Everything was cool. The hallways were clean, the kids looked at us like kings, the food was excellent.

RK: You ate the school lunch?

BUSTER: Were we not allowed to do that? Because nobody packed any food, what else was I supposed to do?

JAYLYNN: Yeah, I liked going there, too. We ran that place in fifth grade. We showed everybody how to move.

RK: That's right. We set an example. We were the yardstick, the bosses of all bosses.

WADE: Everybody talks about how great middle school is, but nobody talks about all the things you have to deal with when you go there. It's like moving to a new town.

SPARKY: At least when we get to eighth grade, we can do it all over again.

JAYLYNN: True, but it won't be the same. We'll always be together, but it wasn't just us that made elementary school great. It was everyone.

BUSTER: You just can't find kids in our school that care about buttons.

RK: You know what? I'm going against my nature, I want another taste.

WADE: What are you talking about?

RK: I'm saying we should make this a regular thing. Going over to iCarly Elementary, messing around with Principal MacGregor. Every week, we get into something crazy.

SPARKY: I'm not missing more days of school for that.

RK: We don't have to. We coordinate everybody's schedule and do it after school. The after-school special.

BUSTER: I like that. But this time, we should bring food because that almost backfired on us today.

JAYLYNN: I don't know, guys. You think if we keep going, it'll be just like today?

RK: It's worth a shot. I want my after-school special.

WADE: As long as we can get enough of our friends on board, we could try it.

SPARKY: Okay. Let's set something up for next week.

Bitch Clock comes downstairs rubbing his temple.

BITCH CLOCK: Ugh, who turned on the lights? Come on, man, what's up?

Bitch Clock looks around and sees the guys on the couch.

BITCH CLOCK (CONT.): What the hell are you guys doing here? It's 10:30, you should be at school.

SPARKY: It's 4:30 in the afternoon.

BITCH CLOCK: Really? I must have had a crazy night, man. Jeez.

Bitch Clock stumbles as he walks to the kitchen.

SPARKY: I wouldn't mind making the after-school special a daily thing. I really wouldn't.

SCENE 14

iCarly Elementary School

Exterior Entrance

Seattle, Washington

A week later, Sparky's car pulls up to the school and he gets out alongside Buster, RK, Wade, Jaylynn, and Halley.

SPARKY: I can't believe it just ended up being us.

RK: That's not true. Will said he was coming, he just had to finish his quiz.

SPARKY: He didn't tell us any of that.

RK: Why would he? I already have the connection, you guys are still weirdo strangers to him.

HALLEY: I mean, what did we expect? Ashley and Sanna made it clear this was just a one-time thing.

JAYLYNN: True. We should have paid them this time.

SPARKY: Let's just go inside. Hopefully, Will doesn't take too long to get here.

SCENE 15

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

Buster and Wade walk towards Buster's old locker.

BUSTER: I wonder if my old locker still smells like it used to.

WADE: I doubt it. Don't they clean these things all the time?

BUSTER: Not always. One time, the custodian tried cleaning my locker. He almost passed out. He couldn't look at me for a week.

Buster tries to open the locker, but he can't because of the combination lock.

BUSTER (CONT.): What, did they child proof this shit?

WADE: I think the combination lock might be slowing you down.

BUSTER: I know what you're doing and it's mean. I saw this YouTube video about opening lockers when they're locked.

WADE: Did they do anything close to what you're doing in the video?

BUSTER: I'm pretty sure. One of them had blisters so bad, he couldn't even pick up his Twinkie.

WADE: Here. Let me show you the proper way to break into lockers. Not that I'm endorsing this, but we're not stealing anything, so...

Wade bends down and takes out a small device that scans the combination lock. At that point, Mr. Frax walks up to them.

MR. FRAX: What are you guys doing?

BUSTER: Please, Mr. Frax! Don't send us to detention!

MR. FRAX: I wouldn't be able to do that, Buster, since you two no longer go here. Explain.

BUSTER: Well, we are not not breaking into this locker.

MR. FRAX: So, you are breaking into it?

BUSTER: No. I just said that...you mean...is this voodoo?

WADE: Look, Mr. Frax, I was just showing Buster this toy I bought. Nothing more, nothing less.

MR. FRAX: Really? What does it do?

WADE: It can determine the weight of any given object, including people. No scale required. Do you want to know your weight?

MR. FRAX: I would prefer to keep my size secret to you kids.

BUSTER: Sir, we're talking about how much you weigh, not your size. Gross.

WADE: His size refers to his weight.

BUSTER: Are you sure? Because it sounds like he-

MR. FRAX: Could we stop having this conversation?! Look, guys, there's plenty of stuff you can do here that doesn't involve anything illegal. Come with me.

Buster and Wade follow Mr. Frax.

WADE: We're not not breaking into it, huh?

BUSTER: You guys are throwing me off-balance here. Doing voodoo, talking about a grown man's size. Come on.

SCENE 16

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Freddie Benson Gymnasium

Seattle, Washington

In the gym, Sparky and RK are playing Shane and Will in a two-on-two game of basketball. Jaylynn, Halley, and Manny watch from the bleachers.

MANNY: So, Jaylynn, now that we're here, under these lights, what are you thinking about?

JAYLYNN: I'm thinking about how I was warming up to you and you ruined it by talking.

MANNY: Hey, it's okay, baby. I'll leave it alone. I'll be quiet like I'm trying not to snitch, no cap.

HALLEY: Manny, you have no game and she likes girls. Give it up already.

MANNY: What, so you can have me all to yourself? Don't make me tell Sparky.

HALLEY: Tell him what?! Tell him what?!

JAYLYNN: Halley, don't. He's not worth bringing out the Brooklyn in you.

HALLEY: I know, it's just...

JAYLYNN: It's okay. I know, kid.

Cut to the basketball game.

SPARKY: What the hell's going on there?

WILL: If I had to guess, it's Manny trying to hit on Jaylynn again.

RK: He's still on that?

WILL: He was never off it. He thinks he can change her.

SPARKY: Eww.

WILL: Yeah, I tune it out.

SHANE: So, guys, if you don't mind, could I ask you something?

RK: Is this about money? Because I'm broke.

SHANE: I don't need your money.

RK: I love you, what's the question?

SHANE: How come all you sixth graders decided to come back? Why now?

SPARKY: We love this school and we made a lot of memories in it. It was like a second home.

RK: I came here strictly for business. But this hellhole has its hooks in me like I'm a meth addict.

SHANE: What?

WILL: He loves this school, too, but he won't admit it.

RK: I won't admit a lot of things, but not this.

SHANE: I just think it's cool that you guys want to hang around here. Once the fifth graders leave, they never come back.

SPARKY: That's not true.

SHANE: It is. I had friends that graduated and I never heard from them again.

RK: Were they really your friends or were they just pretending?

SPARKY: RK!

RK: It's a valid question.

SHANE: I don't know. They could have been. But you guys should keep coming. My friends love you over here.

SPARKY: Really? Yeah?

Sparky gives RK a cute smile, who nods and then gives it to Will.

WILL: What are you doing, man? I'm trying to play the game.

RK: How did you not pick up on the implication?

WILL: Because I didn't want to.

SCENE 17

Craig Bartlett Junior High School

Interior Lunchroom

Seattle, Washington

The next day, the kids are eating lunch.

BUSTER: So Wade and I were helping Mr. Frax clean up. It was more fun than I thought it would be. I found five dollars in one of the desks.

RK: You're so lucky. Will and Shane kicked our asses in basketball.

BUSTER: You guys were playing ball? Wade, why didn't we join them? Oh yeah, he's not here.

JAYLYNN: I don't know, guys, I had my fill. I remember why that place sucked half the time.

SPARKY: Manny?

JAYLYNN: A big reason, yeah, but not the only one. When you think about it, elementary and junior high are kinda the same. The only difference is the people, and we didn't have enough people.

RK: So? Next week, we get more people. I bet if I had Will as my partner, I would have won.

SPARKY: What are you trying to say?

RK: I'm saying you should play with the fifth graders next time. I'm forming a Dream Team.

BUSTER: I want to play with the fifth graders.

JAYLYNN: How about none of us play with the fifth graders? Ever?

BUSTER: Jaylynn, you seem tense. Did you have your Snickers today?

JAYLYNN: No. But that's not the point. The only reason we went back there was for RK's diploma. Now, we're trying to turn it into an after-school club?

RK: It's an after-school special.

JAYLYNN: Whatever. The point is, we have nothing to do in that school. This is our new home and we need to treat it like one.

SPARKY: Jaylynn, don't you see the opportunity here? We're bridging the gap. Shane said that once kids graduate, they never come back and visit.

JAYLYNN: You don't think there's a reason for that?

SPARKY: I don't see one. Do you guys see one?

BUSTER: Nah.

RK: To an extent, but not completely.

JAYLYNN: It's because they don't care about elementary school anymore. Once you graduate, you drop in once, maybe twice, and that's it. What's next, you guys will be hanging around the school waiting for girls so you can take them to McDonald's?

SPARKY: RK and I have girlfriends.

BUSTER: Besides, McDonald's is cool, but Burger King is the spot.

JAYLYNN: You guys aren't...alright. Plan out your next visit, but the novelty's gonna wear off before you know it.

Jaylynn leaves the table.

BUSTER: Hey, that gives me an idea. You think the fifth graders could join us for the next McChicken Day?

SPARKY: Eh, let's not go overboard now.

SCENE 18

("Mother" by Charlie Puth plays in the background)

Sparky, Buster, RK, and Wade have decided to make weekly trips to iCarly Elementary. During that time, they speak to younger kids who are enthralled by their stories, play games with them, and run around the empty halls like idiots. Jaylynn begins to feel neglected when the boys' weekly trips become more frequent, eventually turning into daily trips. After school, Jaylynn parks in front of Ike's, but she gets a text from Sparky that reads: "Can't make it. Hanging out at iCarly." Jaylynn then eats ice cream by herself and tries to call Anja, but she doesn't pick up.

At iCarly Elementary, Sparky is helping Shane and his fifth grade friends make water balloons. He gets hit with one, but he doesn't see who it is. Wade stands behind the door, tippy toes back to RK and Buster, and gives them high fives. As they turn around, Sparky and the fifth graders have their hands filled with water balloons. They chase them into a classroom with Will and the fourth graders. It leads to a water balloon brawl between both sides. At one point, Will climbs onto a stack of chairs and dives onto the kids while he drops water balloons on them. Principal MacGregor and Mr. Frax look irritated as they stand outside the door. Cut to the kids cleaning the classroom and the hallway.

SCENE 19

The Hernandez Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

Jaylynn has arranged a meeting with the former members of the Masters of the Universe. However, Gilcania is absent and Sanna is present.

JAYLYNN: I guess since the boys are doing throwbacks, I can do one, too. I wish this reunion meeting was under better circumstances, but we have problems, my friends.

SANNA: You mean, you have problems. You just wanted to share them with us.

JAYLYNN: Sanna, please, you're here as my guest. Loosen up a little.

SANNA: I'm Ashley's guest, she invited me! All you did was complain that Gilcy wasn't replying to you on Instagram.

Beat.

JAYLYNN: Stop lying. Anyway, it turns out the boys really like going to our old elementary school. It's almost like they think they still go there.

ANJA: So, what's the problem?

JAYLYNN: That's it. They think they still go there and it's weird. They're hanging out with the fourth and fifth graders more than me.

HALLEY: I can't lie, Sparky's been ditching me, too. I hope that girl doesn't still go there.

ASHLEY: What girl?

HALLEY: You remember, you told me about the girl. The one that was a grade below us and really liked Sparky? She had long brown hair and loved using colored pencils?

ASHLEY: I don't remember any of that.

HALLEY: Wow. That was a vivid dream, though.

JAYLYNN: Let's go back to reality. I'm losing the guys to that school. How can I make them remember that they're in junior high?

SANNA: I don't think you can, honey boo-boo.

The girls give Sanna strange looks.

SANNA (CONT.): What? If Gilcy was here, she would say that. She would also say that as long as the guys aren't hurting anyone, who cares what they do after school?

ANJA: Yeah, I would just let them do what they want and tire themselves out. They'll get bored soon.

JAYLYNN: Soon? How soon?

ANJA: Soon enough for you to stop asking me questions that I can't answer. You're hassling me, bro!

SCENE 20

Craig Bartlett Junior High School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

Sparky is at his locker when Jaylynn walks up to him.

JAYLYNN: Hey Sparko.

SPARKY: Did you switch bodies with RK?

JAYLYNN: No, I just want your attention. I know you guys are having fun at iCarly with your spitball fights and your paper airplanes, but you have to focus on this school. You can have spitball fights and make paper airplanes here.

SPARKY: Jaylynn, why does it bother you so much what me and the guys are doing? What's this really about?

JAYLYNN: Nothing. I just don't want you to lose your grip on reality. Have you even studied for the big science test?

SPARKY: Of course.

JAYLYNN: You're lying. I can tell because whenever you lie, you shrug your shoulders like you're hard.

SPARKY: Look, Jaylynn, everything's in order. Now, if you excuse me, I have to go strategize with Buster for the fight.

JAYLYNN: Fight? What fight?

SPARKY: This Friday, there's a big water balloon fight. Buster and I are with the fifth graders and RK, Wade, and Will are with the fourth graders.

JAYLYNN: You guys are going to be in a water balloon fight at a school you don't go to anymore?

SPARKY: It's not going to be on school grounds. It's at the park. I'll talk to you later.

Sparky leaves, then comes back.

JAYLYNN: What?

SPARKY: Robert's also on the fourth grade team. I just thought I should mention that.

JAYLYNN: Amazing. Enjoy your fight.

Sparky waves goodbye with a big smile on his face, then leaves again.

JAYLYNN (CONT.): That boy ain't right.

SCENE 21

Ken Griffey, Jr. Park

Seattle, Washington

On Friday, the kids are preparing themselves for the water balloon fight. The ground is moist from the drizzling rain and the sky is foggy. The fifth graders are in black shirts with yellow trim, while the fourth graders are in yellow shirts with black trim. Jaylynn watches from the sidelines with other kids from iCarly Elementary.

KID: What grade are you in?

JAYLYNN: No, I don't go here, I graduated last year. What grade are you in?

KID: Second.

JAYLYNN: Oh boy.

KID: I don't like these seats sometimes. They give me the tickles.

JAYLYNN: I don't want to know anything about that.

Robert walks up to Jaylynn.

ROBERT: Hey Jaylynn.

JAYLYNN: Robert? What are you doing here? You're going to miss the fight.

ROBERT: I need some advice. I don't want to play.

JAYLYNN: Really? I thought you and the boys were having a jolly old time.

ROBERT: We were, but it's getting lame now. I don't want to spend all my time after school with younger kids. I have other things to do.

JAYLYNN: Like what?

ROBERT: Yesterday, I missed my piano lesson.

JAYLYNN: Damn, your piano lesson? But Robert, if you don't want to do this anymore, just tell them. They'll understand.

ROBERT: Maybe, but everyone's having so much fun. I just thought I would complain to other people and then be passive-aggressive like a beta.

JAYLYNN: I've been there, but you don't have to go along with what everyone else is doing. If they jumped off a cliff, would you do it?

ROBERT: I never got that question. Why would people kill themselves for fun?

JAYLYNN: I don't know if I can answer that. Just go out there and do what you have to do.

ROBERT: Alright. Good talk, Jaylynn. You know, I have a red button with your name on it.

JAYLYNN: Pass.

ROBERT: Okay.

Robert goes back to the fourth graders.

RK: Robert, what's your problem? Why weren't you in the bloody huddle?

ROBERT: Come again?

RK: Never mind. Alright, guys, our one job is to take out Manny. He'll be gunning for us the whole game.

WILL: He won't be a problem. If I take care of Manny, he'll be gone in a minute.

RK: That's what I like to hear. Alright, guys, break!

The fourth graders line up as the fifth graders wait for them. At that point, a kid blows the whistle and the teams throw several balloons at each other while the kids cheer on the sidelines. Robert sighs, and begins to throw water balloons at RK and Wade. The kid blows the whistle again.

KID: Personal foul on fourth grader #9!

ROBERT: I'm not a fourth grader! And I forfeit!

RK: You what? This is our moment and you're ruining it!

RK tackles Robert and begins to douse him with water balloons.

RK (CONT.): I...put...a lot in this team! I...put...a lot into the fourth grade! I'm the mama bear, you hear me? Mama don't play! You don't mess with the mama bear! I'm the mama bear! I'm the mama bear!

RK begins screaming incomprehensible gibberish as Wade and Will pull him off of Robert. Sparky looks disturbed.

WADE: RK, calm down, calm down. You're the mama bear. You are the mama bear.

Beat.

RK: I knew I was.

SPARKY: Guys, wait. What the hell are we doing?

WILL: We're trying to figure out why Robert's throwing the game for us.

SPARKY: This isn't our game. These aren't our classmates. We're getting more hyped up over it than they are.

BUSTER: It's true. I bet a third grader $100 we would win.

Jaylynn walks up to the guys.

JAYLYNN: That's what I've been trying to tell you. Look, we were in elementary school for a long time.

RK: A really long time.

JAYLYNN: And maybe things are moving too fast, but we can't let that scare us. We have to move on and remember we have more to do.

BUSTER: Oh, you mean like in Rocky III? When Rocky tells Mickey they got more to do?

JAYLYNN: Exactly. Except, none of us are gonna die at the end.

ROBERT: See, that's why I went against my own team. Elementary school was cool, but it was overrated. I want to make new memories, and I'm excited about the future.

RK: You have a lot of opinions, Robert. Why?

SPARKY: No, RK, he's right. We made some of our best memories in this place. That's why it's hard for us to let go. It's where we all met each other, it's where I started dating Halley, it's where we became...chocolate kings and wrestling promoters. But this isn't the end for us. It's just starting.

SHANE: So, are we going to continue the fight?

SPARKY: You guys can, but I have a science test to cram for.

BUSTER: On Friday?

SPARKY: Tomorrow, I have a science test to cram for. But either way, this isn't our school anymore. It's these guys' school. We'll come visit again. Just not as much. Maybe once a year, probably.

SHANE: That makes sense.

Beat.

WILL: So, could we at least finish the fight and then never come back?

SPARKY: Yeah, okay. Robert, you go home. Everyone, back in their positions.

WADE: But we're still one player short.

JAYLYNN: No, you're not. I'll be the new Robert.

RK: I thought you hated all this.

JAYLYNN: No, I just wanted you guys to come to your senses. But if we're not coming back for a while, I'm not missing this shit.

Jaylynn puts on Robert's jersey.

RK: Just so you know, I'm the mama bear.

JAYLYNN: No, you're Goldilocks, so if I were you, I wouldn't eat mama bear's porridge, you feel me?

Beat.

RK: What?

MANNY: Let's go, I want you all dead! Except you, Jaylynn, I'll kiss you and spare your life.

All the players groan. The kid blows the whistle and the fight continues as Robert leaves the park.

SCENE 22

Craig Bartlett Junior High School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

Jaylynn walks through the halls when she sees Gilcania talking to her friends. She tries to wave, but she gets in closer without being spotted.

GIRL #1: No, because Jaylynn is all like..."I'm from Portland, yo. Don't test me, yo."

All of the girls laugh, especially Gilcania. Jaylynn looks heartbroken as she shakes her head and walks away. Cut to black.

("Reminisce" by Nas plays over the end credits)

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