It was a long way to Torquay from their small town in the West Midlands, and Richard felt that this drive was reason enough to have a vacation, after being misdirected by Hyacinth and told to "mind" everything, from a child crossing the street to a stop sign. It was a relief to pull up to the grounds of Fawlty Towers, where they were greeted by well-kept lawns and a small but pleasant-looking hotel set back against a stand of trees.

Richard breathed in the fresh air, which smelled of grass and seawater, and listened to the chirping of birds. And silence. Beautiful silence.

Until...

"How very sloppy of them, Richard. I do hope this isn't a sign of this

hotel's quality."

Looking up, Richard saw Hyacinth looking disapprovingly at the sign, which instead of 'Fawlty Towers', read 'Flatly Odder'.

"It's probably just a prank, Hyacinth," he tried to placate her.

"Then I will tell the proprietors of this hotel," she declared. "They will be so grateful that I warned them about hooligans vandalizing their sign."

With Richard staggering in her wake with two huge suitcases, Hyacinth swept into Fawlty Towers, casting a little frown of approval at the faded wallpaper and outmoded carpet in the lobby.

Once at the check in desk, she gave one dainty ring of the bell. When there was no answer, and rang it again, a little more firmly this time, as well as calling out:

"Excuse me! My husband and I wish to check in, and as people of great import we are very disappointed to be kept waiting!"

This brought out a spindly, mustachioed man, who was wearing a rather pained smile.

"Good God, woman, with a voice like that you needn't have rung the bell!"

"Excuse me?" Hyacinth exclaimed, outraged.

"You must excuse him," a falsely prim voice spoke up, and Hyacinth turned to see a trim woman with perfectly coifed hair, wearing a businesslike smile. "He does so hate being startled. I'm Sybil Fawlty, by the way, and this man is my husband, Basil."

Before Hyacinth could reply, there was a thunk behind her, which indicated that Richard had finally arrived with the suitcases. He breathed heavily and slumped in relief; Hyacinth whirled on him with a frown.

"Richard! It is so improper to breath so loudly! Now get those suitcases to our room, and be quiet about it."

To Sybil, she added, "Which room are we going to stay in? I hope it's your best room."

"Room seven," Sybil replied. "And don't bother about the suitcases. Manuel!"

A short, slightly stooped man scurried into the library.

"Yeees, Meesus Fawlty?" he asked.

"Take these suitcases to room seven."

"Que?"

"Suitcases," Sybil said slowly, pointing excessively at the Buckets' luggage. "Room seven."

She held up seven fingers.

"Si, si. Suitcases to room seven."

"And be careful with them!" Hyacinth said. "They are a very expensive set."

"Yes, mees. Manuel be veeery careful with your suitcases."

Manuel left, and Basil gave a strained look of apology.

"Sorry about that. He's from Barcelona and is still learning English."

At that moment, a grizzled-looking man with a permanent look of puzzlement came walked into the hotel, greeting Basil cheerfully.

"Morning, Basil."

"Morning, Major. Will you be having breakfast in the dining room?"

Basil asked.

The man shook his head no.

"My granddaughter is in town. We had breakfast at Andre's."

"A Major?" Hyacinth suddenly spoke up brightly. "We know a major. Major Wilton-Smythe. Have you heard of him?"

The major (whose last name was Gowen, though Hyacinth and Richard did not learn this until later), gasped and took a step back, his eyes widening until he looked "like a pop-eyed frog", as Basil shamelessly described to Sybil that night.

"That old git still alive?" he shouted. "A womanizing pig, that one, and as vain as Henry the Eighth!"

"Your language is very common," Hyacinth said disapprovingly, "and you are insulting to a man who served his country so loyally."

"Hyacinth, let's go to our room," Richard interrupted hastily.

Hyacinth gave Major Gowen one last withering look and followed Richard to room seven. She began an immediate inspection and scowled not two minutes later, much to Richard's puzzlement. The room was simple, yes, but clean, the bed crisply made, the window looking out upon a pastoral scene. Quite a contrast to the slightly run-down lobby. But Hyacinth sniffed disapprovingly, and Richard heard her mutter under her breath that she had to have a word with Basil Fawlty. And, of course, she commanded Richard to follow her, doubtlessly to back her up if need be. If only he knew what she needed to be backed up on.

Basil was nowhere to be seen, but they heard voices coming from the dining room. Hyacinth made her way there, Richard in her wake as always. They found Basil miming to Manuel, who was looking at him in puzzlement.

"Take this..." Basil pointed to a covered plate. "Back to the kitchen," he pointed to the swinging doors leading to the kitchen.

"Oh, si, si," Manuel said, finally understanding.

"I am so sorry, Mrs. Twombly," Basil said to a diner. "Manuel is still learning English, you see. Your Monte Cristo sandwich will be out soon."

Hyacinth took this break in conversation to speak to the hotel's owner.

"I wish to complain about my room," she said.

"Well, let's go to the lobby and leave our diners to eat in peace," Basil said.

As soon as they were in the lobby, Hyacinth launched into a string of complaints.

"The towels are most rough on my delicate skin, there is a fingerprint on the window, the sheets are overly starched, the soap in the soap dispenser is of such poor quality..."

Basil listened with exaggerated concern.

"So, will you see to this?" Hyacinth finally concluded.

"Of course!" Basil said grandly. "I will fetch our maid, Polly. She will go buy the softest towels and fanciest soap in town, and redo the sheets immediately, and scrub every last inch of the window!"

"Thank you," Hyacinth said primly. "And when will this be resolved?"

Basil's false empathy vanished at once, and he rolled his eyes as he grimaced.

"Never! Dear God, woman, you can't think I'm serious! You are the fussiest, most picky person we've ever had here, and a cousin of the Queen once visited! The towels are too rough? Then bring your own towels when you travel!"

Hyacinth was nearly apoplectic.

"Richard, dispatch this man at once!"