More To Me
Written by mpkio2
Summary:
Peter Quill discovers that his feelings towards his best friend are more than friendship, and decides to hide these newfound feelings from his team. But when the unthinkable almost happens to Rocket, Peter, overcome with emotions, kisses his best friend on the muzzle. How will Peter explain his way out of this and how will Rocket react? PeterxRocket Rated T
A/N:
Well, it's been a very long time since I wrote a PeterxRocket fic, huh? In fact, it's been a while since I wrote any story. The recent release of the "Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol 3" is the reason why this story exists. Without it, it would not have rekindled my love for the pairing.
Anyway, not much else to say.
SPOILERS for Marvel's "Guardians Of the Galaxy Vol 3" movie.
Hope you enjoy it! :)
Sorry for any bad spelling and grammar mistakes.
"No, no, no…."
"Quill…"
"Nooooo! NNNOOOOOOOOO!"
No, this can't be happening….
He can't lose him…..
He can't die….
Peter Quill, captain of the Guardians Of The Galaxy, refused to believe that his best friend, Rocket Raccoon was dying on the counter in front of him, denied that the heart-monitor apparatus beside him let out a long "BEEEEP" that felt like it would never end….
He pulled out the wires that stuck into his friend, desperately, scrambling around to find something, anything in his proximity that would allow him to change what he secretly knew was the reality of the situation that was all but before him to see, to allow him to hold onto hope for just a little longer, to allow himself to believe that he could, in any way, someway, enjoy the lie that he had concocted up for himself, to believe that Rocket was alive and well….
He didn't want to listen to Gamora, didn't wanna hear what she had to say, that Rocket was "gone", that he was no longer with them…no longer with him….
No, he couldn't….
No, he wouldn't….
"I'm not letting him go!" Peter retorted back to the alternate-timeline Gamora, giving her a stern look that told her there was no room for argument. Rocket wasn't going to die and Peter would be damned if he would let that happen!
The Terran-man pulled off Rocket's breathing tube so that his muzzle was free. He put his hands together over his best friend's fury chest and pushed them down in five quick recessions. He opened Rocket's muzzle, placing his own lips over his friend's and breathed deeply inside, performing CPR as best as Peter knew how to. He repeated, pumping his hands down on Rocket's chest and breathing into his muzzle, again and again…
"Come on buddy," Peter muttered to himself as he continued to push down on the unresponsive body beneath him, his actions becoming more desperate and chaotic. "Come on, come on!" He screamed out, the heart monitor continuing it's long "BEEEP" beside him….
"Quill…."
"I AM GROOT!"
"Wake up, wake up!" And Peter did it again and again and he just wanted that damn machine to shut up, for Groot and Gamora to stop holding him back, trying to hold back his actions, cause damn it, he couldn't lose his best friend! Why didn't they understand that?!
"I can still save him!" Peter retorted, struggling as Groot held back his body with vines, Gamora next to him, with a few tears in the corner of her eyes, telling him something in a heightened tone that was unlike herself…. "Rocket, come back!"
"I. AM . GROOOT!"
"It's not over, Groot!" Peter yelled back, tears in his eyes, falling down his face . "He ain't dead, he can't be! Get off!"
And with as much strength as he could muster, Peter pushed his arms apart, pulling Groot's vines off of him in the process. He leaned over the counter, stared down at his best friend's face, which looked whiter and less lifelike in the white light, and let the tears fall, cascading down like waterfalls. He didn't care anymore; didn't care who knew or what would happen next.
Cause he was dead and there was nothing more to lose…
Nothing more to lose….
Nothing more…..
"I….can't lose y-you too," Peter croaked out. "I….can't lose another person I love…."
And with nothing more to lose, nothing more to gain, Peter leaned his face down and placed his firm lips on Rocket's muzzle, giving him something he had always wanted to do; something he had yearned for quite some time now, an action, a way to show him how much he deeply cared for him; a kiss, a small but loving kiss….
He wanted to stay like this; to be in complete and utter ignorance in the bliss and happiness he momentarily experienced, forgetting the reality that was occurring around him. He needed this, to show how he felt, even if the person he cared about was no longer….
But fuck it! Fuck it all!
Who cares now? He didn't cause god damn it, Rocket was-
He pulled away with tears still in his eyes and as he did, something miraculous occurred…..
Rocket's eyes shot open, breathing as if he had run a mile, the heart-rate machine beside Peter changed to a "whirling" sound, the screen lighting up green showing that all vitals of Rocket's body were all normal, alive and well.
"Th-the package has gone through," Peter stammered out, his eyes growing wide with shock and joy and relief. Gamora pulled open a reviver apparatus and draped it over Rocket's chest.
Rocket coughed up, his eyes hazy a little, and looked at Peter.
"Q-Quill…?" His voice was hoarse and dry and weak…
"Ro-Rocket…." Peter couldn't believe it; he was alive! Rocket was alive! He let the tears continue to fall as he sobbed and pulled Rocket up slightly into a tight embrace, to which Rocket returned, pulling his small arms onto Peter's upper arms, leaning his head against Peter's upper shoulder. Groot joined in saying "I am Groot….." in a muttered voice, while a happy by-herself Gamora, smiled happily at the interaction before her.
After a while, Rocket started to cough a little, to which Peter pulled him back, supporting him upright with his right arm around his friend's back.
"Easy now," Peter said in a soothing voice. "Y-you been through a lot, Rocket,"
Rocket looked up at Peter trying to catch his breath, slight confusion on his face as he looked upon the tears that were cascading down his cheeks. "D-don't tell me y-you were worried, Star-Dork,"
Despite the whole ordeal that they had gone through and the terran-man's emotions at an all time high, Peter smiled at Rocket. "Who…m-me?" His voice broke. "C-course not, you trash panda,"
Peter didn't know if Rocket could sense anything that had occurred before he had awoken, or that he could sense how Peter was feeling, but Peter didn't care anymore; cause his best friend was back and he was relieved and so, so freaking happy….
And yet, he felt a twinge of regret.
A regret that he could now correct and make right.
The regret in the pit of his stomach, that he had not confessed his true feelings to his best friend….
He leaned forward and put his forehead to Rocket's….
"Just…." He whispered. "Don't go doing that again, yeah? Cause if you do…..I'll throw you off my ship…."
Rocket gave Peter a small smirk as he closed his eyes. "I'd like to see you try, Star-Dork,"
The events with The High Evolutionary had come to an end. The Guardians had saved the experimented animals and children from captivity amongst The High Evolutionary ship and had given them refuge on Knowwhere, the new Guardian's HQ. Repairs for Knowwhere were already on the way and the civilians had all pitched in to help.
The Guardian's were amongst those who helped rebuild the city of Knowwhere, except for Rocket who, for most of his time, had secluded himself inside his own cabin on The Guardian's ship. He had a lot to process; a lot had occurred and he didn't know what to do with himself. He felt both complex and awkward and uncomfortable, knowing that all that had happenened, the reason why so many had been hurt, was because of him and his ugly past rearing its head to yet torture him just a bit more…
His friends had been hurt because of him….
Because of him yet again…
Just like that time with the Sovereign….
And now again….
He had to do something, keep his mind occupied, for if he continued to dwell on his emotions any longer, he was certain he would go flarkin' insane. So, he jumped up from his place on his bed and sat at his work desk, taking apart a gun and trying to fix it together, to improve it, to make it better again…..
You are nothing but an experiment to leap off from! All we require is your brain and nothing more! You are worthless!
Take it apart and back together again….
We don't need you in the new world, you or your little friends! You deserve to be scrapped and thrown away like the toys you are!
Make it better again, make it better again….
"I am Groot?" A familiar voice on the other side of the closed door could be heard, pulling Rocket out of his thoughts and emotions.
"Yeah, I'm fine bud," Rocket replied, looking down at the parts before him on his work desk. "Just working on somethin' in here,"
There was a momentary silence between the cyber genetically-engineered raccoon and the sentient tree man. Rocket thought that his friend might have gone, but he was proven wrong when Groot's voice muttered on the other side of the door:
"I….am Groot,"
"Worried?" Rocket said with a raised eyebrow, looking over to the door. "Why would you idiots be worried about me? I'm fine, alright,"
"I am Groot,"
"It's nothing I hadn't already processed," Rocket retorted defensively, folding his arms in front of him. "You know that already, Groot,"
"I am…Groot,"
"It's not that!" Rocket said, jumping off from his chair from his desk, approaching the door, slowly. "I already been though it all, OK?! But you guys…!"
"I am Groot,"
"W-What?" Rocket stood frozen in place, Groot's words shaking him to his very core. "W-hat….why? Why did he do that?"
"I am Groot,"
Rocket looked down at his paws, trying to process yet more information his brain could not comprehend, despite his higher-than-normal intelligence. He felt as though Groot was pulling his leg, like he was joking around and Rocket was the but of the joke. Surely, he was joking? Right?
He tentatively pulled a paw to his muzzle….
No….flarkin' way…..
"I am Groot?"
"Promise yer not lying to me, are ya bud?"
"I am Groot,"
But if that's the case then…
What the flark, Star-Dork?!
Peter had spent most of the day rebuilding The Guardian's HQ with Kraglin and Drax. Cosmo felt she was doing her part too, being a good dog and fetching tools for the other Guardians to use. The first thing that they had all managed to repair was the guardian's separate bedrooms, as a place to sleep for all of them was high on the list. It had taken the better part of the day to finish all the repairs and by the time they were done, they felt it was appropriate to call it a day and to resume repairs in the morning.
It had been a long and exhausting day and Peter felt relieved that he could retire to his room at last. But before he could climb the stairs, Gamora pulled him aside with her hand.
"We need to talk," she said in a stern voice.
Peter looked at her a little confused, but nodded his head. "Lead the way,"
She pulled him aside, out onto the street in front of The Guardian's HQ and spoke to him in a hushed voice:
"About….when Rocket almost…died…"
"Y-yeah? What about it?"
"You…know what I'm talking about, Quill," Her eyes were soft with a warmth, telling Quill that it was OK for him to confide in her; it seemed all so uncharacteristically out of character for her to behave in such a way, especially how she was an alternate-timeline version who seemed much harder and badass than the Gamora that he knew from his own timeline.
Peter looked at her and could see she meant well; that what had occurred on the Guardian's ship did not pass her without noticing. He looked down at his feet as a blush crept up on his cheeks.
"I do," he finally admitted and then looked up to her again. "But what now? There's nothing more to say…."
Gamora smiled at him warmly and placed a comforting hand on his left shoulder. "Tell him," she said in a simple voice. "Tell him how you feel,"
Peter sighed and shook his head. "It's too late now…"
"For you and I," Gamora said, trying to gain eye contact with Peter, speaking in a gentle voice. "Yes, it is too late. But not for you and him…"
Peter looked back at her, feeling wetness at the corner of his eyes; it felt like he had been crying for days since the incident with Rocket, and now when he felt like he had some semblance, some control over the matter, he felt like he was going to lose it all once more….
"He needs you," Gamora continued. "And I think…you need him too. So don't dwell, Peter Quill. Take a chance and see what happens….."
She let her hand fall from his shoulder and turned her back to him, walking away in the direction of the HQ, before she stopped and spoke in a quiet voice:
"It worked for a version of me and you. So why not you and him?"
And she walked inside, leaving Peter to wonder if what she had said held any truth to it….
Rocket walked with purpose as the the ship's gangway opened before him. He stepped out of the ship and onto the dusty ground of the Guardian's HQ rear open space, a large open space where boxes and electrical apparatus were situated around with a small hanger bay not too far from where the ship had currently been parked.
The raccoon slowly walked as daylight around him slowly dimmed away, the day leading into twilight, as lights and lamps turned on accompanied by a low buzzing sound that radiated around him, almost causing him to calm at once, feeling his heart slowly thump beneath his ribcage.
Calm? What would he need to calm for?
He was just going to confront Peter over something that was probably a d'ast misunderstanding! That's all it was, right?
Nothing more than a misunderstanding…?
Nothing more, right?
As Rocket fretted over these thoughts and emotions that spun around and around in his head, he collided into something hard and fell down on his tail, causing pain to course around his rear-end.
"Fuck!" He screeched out in pain. "Watch where you're flarkin' going you-!"
He halted his verbal assault as he realized who the occupant of who he had collided into was; the very person his thoughts were concentrated on, where his intention and interest of his commute had resided on; Peter Quill.
"Oh, shit! Rocket…"The terran-man looked down at Rocket with a mixture of surprise and worry. "I'm…err…..sorry I…I didn't see you-"
"Cause yer' didn't, you idiot hummie," Rocket retorted back, slowly getting onto his hind legs and brushing down on his orange jumpsuit, rubbing his back with his left paw. "How did yer' not see me? Day dreaming of Gamora or summerthin'?"
"N-no!" Peter blurted out, before he quickly closed his mouth and looked down at his feet, a slight blush reaching his cheeks. "I-it's over between me and her,"
"Really?" Rocket inquired with a cocked eyebrow. "She gave you the cold shoulder, or what?"
Peter sighed. "Something like that, yeah…."
Perhaps Rocket was wrong. Perhaps Groot had misunderstood what had happened. It seemed Peter was still obsessed with Gamora, following her like a wounded puppy. And if that was the case, then…surely, he had only given Rocket some kinda breathing technique thingie, right? Groot had seen wrong, of course he had. There was no kiss that occurred between them….
Nothing like that happened….
Nothing more….
"But, enough about Gamora," Peter said shaking his head and looking at Rocket with determined eyes. "I need to talk to you….."
"Funny," Rocket said with a smirk. "I was on my way to talk to you too, Star-Dork,"
"You were?" Peter asked, taken aback. "Why?"
"Not here, idiot," Rocket said, looking around the open space, expecting to see one of the Guardians amongst them.
"Where then?"
"My room," Rocket said as he walked around Peter in the direction of the HQ. "Let's go, doofus,"
"Right behind you, trash panda,"
Peter walked into Rocket's small bedroom, his heart thumping wildly all the while. He felt his brow sticky with sweat as he watched Rocket jump onto his bed and sat, looking back at Peter, as if waiting for Peter to do something before he could speak.
"Well," Rocket said with impatience. "Close the d'ast door will ya!"
"A…Oh, right," Peter said, fumbling with his hand to press the intercom button beside the door, pressing the close button, causing the door to close shut, leaving him and Rocket alone in the room.
An awkward silence grew between the two and neither knew whether the other should speak first or not. It didn't last long as both spoke at the same time:
"I wanted to talk to you-" Both said in unison in the same monotone voice.
Peter, despite how he felt inside, burst out laughing, not sure whether due to his nervousness or at the comedic moment that had just occurred. Rocket who looked at Peter laughing, cracked a smile of his own.
"For fuck suck, Star-Dork," His tone was agitated but playful and somewhat light-hearted. "You wanna speak to me that badly? You go first then…"
Peter regained control over his laughter and finally replied back:
"Nah," Peter said with a smile, slowly walking towards his best friend and sat on Rocket's bed, sitting beside him. He risked not asking permission from Rocket to sit on his bed, because he and the raccoon were very good friends, and he knew Rocket would be ok with it, for, despite how they ratted on each other all the time, Rocket trusted Peter. "You go first, bud,"
Rocket looked up at Peter and then looked down at his paws before him in his lap, suddenly not wanting to speak to him, suddenly feeling bashful and shy, emotions he hadn't felt in such a long time. But here was Peter fucking Quill making him feel things he had never felt in a long time. Guess he just has that effect on people, huh?
"Fine then," the talking raccoon settled on, determined to get an answer from a question he had been wondering about, no matter what answer would come his way. It was just a misunderstanding anyway, right?
Nothing more….
"So….Groot, he….um….That incident with me a few days ago, where I was dying and stuff…."
Peter felt as if his heart was going to burst out from his chest. Of course, Gamora or Groot would say something to Rocket. After all, both were present where Peter literally kissed Rocket on the muzzle. It was only natural for one of them to reveal what had occurred. Peter never said that couldn't tell Rocket….
"Err….yeah? That was some…..crazy shit…."
"Yer telling me," Rocket replied, his eyes still staring down at his paws, finding it, now more than ever, difficult to look Peter in the eyes, to look into those orbs that made him feel warm and safe from the clutches of Halfwold. "Anyway, when I passed out, you did some stuff with your hands on my chest and…um….breathed in my muzzle?"
"Y-yeah," Peter nodded his head in confirmation. "Its called CPR. It saves peoples lives. Guess it saved yours…."
"You did," Rocket admitted, nodding his head. "You idiot…." Why was his vision getting blurry? Why did he feel his heart clench with sorrow and relief? Why did he feel his throat forming a lump like those bastards on Halfwold were all over him again, changing and modifying his body at their own pleasure? What was going on?
"I'm….happy you're a-alive, Rock," Peter said, his voice slightly breaking, looking forward, staring at the wall on the opposite side of the room, feeling wetness at his eyes. "I'm….happy you're st-still here,"
"W-why?" Rocket asked, not knowing why he was asking such a question now; damn it, this was about the kiss, not about whether Rocket's life actually meant anything! He didn't care about that! He was a monster that was tolerated by his team…
And nothing more…..
"Why?" Peter repeated the word, turning his head to look at the dishevelled-looking raccoon beside him, his voice conveying slight confusion and irritation. "What…what do you mean 'why?'. Rock?"
Rocket continued to stare down at his paws, cause if he looked anywhere else, he didn't know whether he could hold back the flood that was threatening to spill over and cause nothing but destruction that was the core of his very being. He had to compose himself, keep control, stay stoic, cause if he didn't, it would all fall out…It would all fall apart...
"It means….nothing, don't it?"
"Wha- what are you talking about?"
"My flarkin' life," Rocket retorted with disdain and bitterness, the flood already seeping out. "Yer all don't care, right? Because I always fuck up, don't I? Don't I, Captain Quill?"
The flood was spilling out and there was no stopping it, its focus directly hitting the target and destroying it….
And finally, Rocket looked up at Peter and he directed a look that conveyed all he had been feeling, all that he had held at bay, all that he had kept inside for so many, many years.
And Peter received it all, could see the pain and anguish and hurt and betrayal and everything that Rocket had always wanted to say, to reveal, but could never put into words, could never properly convey.
But now he had, and Peter had to take it, to take the destruction from the flood and bear with it, to allow it to occur, cause no-one had let it, right? No-one had given the flood that opportunity, that chance it needed….
"He needs you. And I think…you need him too. So don't dwell, Peter Quill. Take a chance and see what happens….."
Gamora's voice rang in his head and he finally understood what she was trying to tell him…
And with a heart thumping, with Rocket's emotions out in the open, his eyes wet like the flood, he pulled Rocket into a gentle and comforting embrace. He felt a slight reluctance, a slight push back, but eventually, Rocket did nothing, as if all the strength within him had vanished…
The raccoon's emotions were going haywire, like a short-circuit going off on his back implants. He didn't know what to do in Peter's embrace, so he just stayed there, letting Peter do what he wanted. He had given up the fight, because what was left anymore? What was the point of fighting? They all knew now; all knew his traumatic past, knew he was a fuck up and they were gonna abandon him and he was going to lose them.
He pulled his small arms up and pulled them tightly onto Peter's arms, as if pleading to him, subconsciously, that if he held on and didn't let go, they would keep him and he would still be part of the team, still have friends. He put his head on Peter's upper arm, like he had done a few days ago, and sniffed as he cried quietly.
Peter stroked the top of Rocket's head fur, trying his best to comfort him as best as possible, allowing him, for what might have been the first time in the raccoon's life, to feel, to let out any emotion he might have been harboring deep inside. He closed his own eyes as he felt Rocket's own heart against his chest, soothing him too in the process. He heard his best friend sob out, choke on his own cry, and let him be. Just…let him…be.
He kissed atop of Rocket's head and said in a soothing voice, that held a conviction to control itself:
"You mean more to me, Rock. And I don't care if you fucked up before, that you might fuck up again. Hell, we're all fuck ups, right? That's why we're all together. We're all little monsters with no-where to go, so we found each other instead,"
Peter rambled on, letting out whatever came to mind, anything and everything to calm Rocket down, to show how much he cared for him, how much he means to him. How he was so much more than a fuck up….
Much more than a monster that people tend to see….
No, he was much more than that….
Cause he meant everything to Peter…
"And I'm so happy you're here with me. That you're still here with me…."
"I fucked up," Rocket sobbed. "And you wanna get rid of me,"
"N-no," Peter pulled back from the embrace and looked into Rocket's tearful eyes; a mixed expression that Peter had never seen on his friend's face before; vulnerability, loss and sorrow. "We will- I will never do that! D'ast, Rocket! Can't you see?"
"But…its all my fault," Rocket continued, falling into his own dark emotions of self-worth and loathing. "You all got hurt, cause I couldn't control my flarkin' self. I'm gonna lose my friends, again…."
Peter put both hands on eitehr side of Rocket's cheeks, causing the raccoon to look into Peter's eyes.
"You're not gonna lose anyone, OK?" Peter said, pulling Rocket's head down a bit and placing his nose along the bridge of Rocket's snout, letting go of his friend's cheeks. "Especially not me," he whispered.
"Why?" Rocket croaked out. "Why do you care so much, Pete?"
"Because you-" Peter closed his eyes, knowing the moment to show how much he cared, was truly here; the chance, the opportunity, was right before him, a way to correct the guilt he had once felt…
Felling Rocket's warmth against his skin, he looked at Rocket into his eyes once more and whispered:
"Because you mean more to me than anyone else…."
And then he pulled into Rocket and pulled his muzzle onto his gentle firm lips into a kiss that he hoped conveyed his true feelings towards his once best friend and now crush.
Rocket was stunned and confused and felt his heart hammer wildly, like a wild beast wanting to rage free. But he also felt, bliss? Joy? What was that? Like he had his guns in his hands and he was shooting at bad guys left right and center. And yet, another thing to process; what Peter flarkin' Quill, his best friend, was kissing him on the muzzle? Why was he doing such a dumb, stupid thing?! Rocket couldn't comprehend at first, but as he allowed the feeling to engulf him, to feel Peter against his tattered fur, feeling his heart across his, he finally started to understand.
Peter pulled back and Rocket opened his eyes, feeling them damp again. Peter opened his eyes and looked down as if afraid.
"Peter…"
"I'm sorry," Peter retorted back. "I ruined it, huh? But, I had to tell you some way in which you would understand, cause words weren't getting through that thick skull of yours,"
"Pete…"
"But I understand," Peter pulled away, disconnecting the two at once. "You don't feel that way about me and why would you anyway," Peter chuckled to himself, but there was nothing to laugh about. "I'm just a dumb hummie and you are a….you are you. So, yeah, flark it! Damn it! Fuck it all!"
Peter stood on his feet, leaving Rocket to sit there and stare up at him. The terran-man wiped his eyes and put on a smile.
"I'm…just happy you know now,"
"Star-Dork…"
"I'll just leave you be,"
Peter aimed for the door and walked towards it, trying to not let his heart-break along the way as he did so. He reached the intercom, before a voice called out to him:
"Flark' it, wait, Star-Dork!" Peter turned to face Rocket, who now stood on his bed, wiping the tears from his eyes. "I ain't finished talking with yer yet," His voice was still hoarse, raw with emotion.
"What else is there to talk about? You hate me now and you think I'm disgusting, right?"
"I never said that, did I? You didn't give me a chance…"
"Take a chance and see what happens….."
A deafening silence raised between them. The "tick-tock" of the clock on the wall rang out between them…
And then….
"Did you kiss me, when I was…dying?"
Peter nodded his head.
"Because….you wanted me to live?"
Peter walked towards Rocket and held his hands on Rocket's shoulder when he reached him, the raccoon who was standing on his own bed, now appeared to be the same height as Peter. "More than anything," he said with much gusto.
"Because you…um…have feelings for me?"
"More than anything," he repeated.
"You love me, yeah?"
But Rocket already knew the answer to that and he pulled his paws onto Peter's face.
"More than you could possibly know…."
Rocket smiled. "I think I finally get an idea how much you actually care, Pete,"
"And?" Peter asked, his hands holding onto Rocket's shoulders, gently. "And what about you? Do you…have feelings for me too?"
Rocket smirked a little. "More than you could possibly know," And he pulled Peter into a passionate yet gentle and caring and loving kiss.
Because now they both knew, that to each other, that meant more than nothing….
They meant more than everything….
- THE END-
A/N:
I actually started crying while writing this fic. At times, it was very difficult. God damn, the feels for these two!
So, this turned out a little different than I expected but still came to the same conclusion I had in mind. And my god, I did not think it would be over 5,000 words long. I thought it would be a small little one-shot lol. Oh well, I like how it turned out, either way.
It would mean a lot to me if you could give me a review or fav this fic. All reviews might help me write more in the future! :)
Also, please do check out my other PeterxRocket fics by going to my profile. Hope you enjoy those too if you read em.
Anyway, thanks for reading, and take care :)
~mpkio2~