I started writing this for a prompt challenge ages ago but couldn't make the deadline. I decided to finish it at last before we learn what Elliot discusses with K's ghost. This is obviously set before that cliffhanger. I worked in as much of the lyrics of this song that I could manage without making it out of character for them. I hope you enjoy!

Song credits: Broken & Beautiful by Kelly Clarkson

Elliot Stabler follows her every movement with his eyes. Olivia Benson. Captain Olivia Benson now. His old partner, and he couldn't be more proud of her. She's accomplished so much in his absence.

She has a career, a child and friends.

It's everything he ever wanted for her. Well, almost everything.

If there's a man in your life, I hope he's the kind, faithful, devoted man you deserve.

Not that she'd need a man to be complete. He'd never be that presumptuous.

I never held my hand out and asked for something free
I got pride I could roll out for miles in front of me
I don't need your help, and I don't need sympathy
I don't need you to lower the bar for me

She's always believed she has to do everything on her own. She has to be Wonder Woman. That's just the hand that life has dealt her. And she can. She can do it all and then some.

I know I'm Superwoman, I know I'm strong
I know I've got this 'cause I've had it all along

She's phenomenal and she's enough - even if she still doesn't see that half the time. But he sees it. He's always seen it. She doesn't need him or anyone else to tell her who to be.

She's Wonder Woman on the outside and that's all most people will ever see. But he knows she's always longed not to be alone. It's only human nature to want to belong and to want to share the burdens of life with someone - and no matter how strong she is, and how tough life has made her, she is still human; probably more human than most. It's why he's so happy for her that she has a son now. She no longer comes home to an empty apartment.

Her gaze connects with his from time to time while their teams go over yet another joint operation. Who knew organized crime would have so many overlaps with sex crimes? Maybe he should have known. Sex is used either as a weapon or as a commodity far too often in criminal enterprises.

There's a sadness in her eyes these days. It's probably been there for a long time but he hadn't paid enough attention before, still wrapped up in his own trauma, grief and quest for vengeance after his wife's sudden death. And he fears - he knows - that her sadness has to do with him, at least in part. There is nothing presumptuous about that thought. He knows he's messed up.

Olivia knows he's been watching her, and it's not in the way the other members of their joint task force are paying attention. She's not surprised after the confusing talk they had the other night. She still wakes up with heart palpitations sometimes, thinking of how much they've brought out into the open. An outsider might think they hardly said a word but for them it had been huge.

It scares her how well she remembers his body against hers and the feeling of puzzle pieces falling into place had been overwhelming. And terrifying. Extremely terrifying.

She's trying so hard to keep her distance to protect herself, to protect her heart. He's broken it once and she doesn't know he won't do it again.

What if it doesn't work out?

But the way she had literally craved to be held had been a revelation. It had brought a cry from the depths of her soul to the surface.

Can someone just hold me?
Don't fix me, don't try to change a thing
Can someone just know me?
'Cause underneath, I'm broken and it's beautiful

Nobody ever truly gets to know her. All they ever do is scratch the surface, although it's not for lack of trying. Recently, Amanda's been the only one who was able to peel a few layers off but Olivia doesn't let people do that. She doesn't want them to see what's underneath.
But Elliot knew her once. She could be absolutely herself with him and he'd always be there for her.

You know everything about me. Even the parts I'd rather forget.

She misses that.

She misses being able to be vulnerable in front of someone and not feel any shame about it or be judged for it.

I'm broken and it's beautiful

She misses what he used to be for her.

They were invincible together, as partners on the job. The boundaries were clear between them and as long as they stayed on their own side of the line, they were unstoppable.

We're walking on the ocean, turning water into wine
We bury our emotion and pretend that we're just fine

But the line is blurred now, parts of it erased completely, and it's scary and confusing. They're no longer partners and they've both already stepped over the line. Elliot boldly; Olivia shakingly.

What if things work out?

Their eyes meet again and she shakes her head lightly. She knows he'll be the only one to notice and when she sees the corner of his mouth tug up in a half smile, she has to look away before she starts grinning herself. Damn those butterflies in her stomach that she thought had perished years ago.

Ayanna gives Elliot a stern glare when she takes over from Olivia and he sits up a little straighter. He'll be up next and he needs to pay attention. But the way Olivia looked at him just now is highly distracting. She's facing away from him now, sitting next to their newest recruit; Bruno, was it? But he can read her even when he can't see her face.

She's scared and he knows he's to blame. But he's not sure what he can do to take her fear away. Promising her he won't leave again isn't enough because he's disappointed her too deeply and too often for her to take him at his word again. The trust between them is broken and that's his doing. It will take time to rebuild what they used to have and it's scary for him too, not knowing if she will ever be able to forgive him and trust him again. But at some point they will have to take a leap of faith. If only Olivia could start to believe she truly deserves the world; that she's worthy and deserves to be happy, no matter what her heritage has taught her.

The only way to live now is to know you're gonna fly
Don't listen to the lying liars and their lies

"... so that's where SVU would come in. Elliot?"

Ayanna's voice pulls him out of his thoughts and he jumps to his feet to present his findings to the entire team, after which they will all receive their assignments.

It's an intense operation and both teams work it jointly for forty hours straight. It's a delicate dance in which they want to save the victims of this criminal enterprise, but they need to catch the leadership as well. They live on coffee and adrenaline and at the end of the second day they bring the entire operation down. Bodycams record everything, including the cages where the women are found who were being kept as sex slaves.

Extra officers from various precincts assist in making sure everyone is either booked correctly or checked out at a hospital. Fin and Ayanna are working together to make sure meticulous records are created to keep track of everyone.

Olivia has to report to McGrath, who is eager to go on camera to tell the city of New York what a great job they've all done. She happily leaves him to it and drags herself from 1PP back to the 1-6.

There are still dozens of people in the squad room and Olivia checks in with Muncy to ask how things are going.

"Everything's good, Captain. All the perps have been booked and are being questioned by the people over at OC and we have the survivors here. A few counselors have already come in to meet the women and we're still checking for next of kin of a few of them."

"Good. That's good. Thank you, Muncy."

"Oh, and Cap'n? You have a visitor."

Muncy points in the direction of her office and then returns to her desk to finish her interview with one of the rescued young women.

Olivia turns towards her office and instantly knows who her visitor is. She'd recognize that silhouette anywhere. In fact, she'd scanned the streets of New York for it for years and her heart had leapt whenever she thought she saw him.

But this isn't some stranger who just looks like him. It's Elliot.

Sometimes she still can't fathom that he's back but he's here, back where they started all those years ago. Her attempts to keep him at arms length have failed completely and she knows that Elliot knows she doesn't really mind. They just haven't found a way to relax around each other yet.

She opens the door to her office and Elliot turns to face her. She knows he's been studying the large picture of her and Noah that adorns her office these days.

"Hey," she greets him.

"Hey."

"What brings you here? I thought you'd be busy booking our perps."

Elliot shrugs lightly, clasping his hands together in front of him.

"Nah. They've got it covered over there. I wanted to see how you were doing."

Olivia averts her eyes before his can pull her in and gestures at the squad room while telling him,

"We're still processing all the survivors. You know how it is. I'll be here a while."

"That's not what I meant, Liv."

His soft voice forces her eyes back to his. Her response was a reflex, deflecting to her team, but deep down she knows he wasn't asking for a case update. He's asking how she's doing. And the moment she allows her attention to turn to herself, the weight of the past 48 hours hits her at last.

"I'm tired," she sighs, and it's possibly the most honest she's been with him in a long time.

Elliot straightens his shoulders and part of her still knows him too well because she knows he's trying not to invade her personal space. But he wants to and it makes her heart skip a beat.

"Can I just be tired?" she adds, because she doesn't have the energy now for anything else with him.

"Course you can," Elliot says quietly and he makes a small gesture with his hands then. It's an invitation that brings back everything she felt back in her kitchen. He's offering her a shoulder to lean on and it's all she wants at a time like this.

Can someone just hold me?

She steps forward before she can change her mind and Elliot responds quickly. He must be afraid she'll pull back - again - she thinks. And she can't blame him.

But then his arms envelop her and she closes her eyes and breathes out. Her cheek is against his collarbone and she's facing away from him but it doesn't matter which way she faces. She doesn't need to see him for every fiber in her body to be aware of him. She sinks into him and when one of his hands caresses her back soothingly, she feels like crying.

Emotions always run high in cases like these and she takes the suffering of these women personally. She knows that's why her own emotions are close to the surface, but that's not the only reason she feels like crying.

He still feels like home.

She can feel it in his embrace; all of it - everything she's ever wanted and everything that had been so painfully absent from her life when he was gone.

He doesn't try to fix her. He's never tried to change her.
He knows her.
He knows she's broken and to him she's beautiful.

She wraps her own arms around his waist a little tighter and she feels how Elliot rubs the back of her head with his cheek. This is the side of Elliot that hardly anyone ever gets to see. It's reserved for his children and his mother; and now her. His gentleness makes her want to burrow into him further.

They sway a little together and Elliot feels Olivia relax against him after a short while. He can hold her like this all night, he thinks. The way she is allowing him to just hold her means a lot and they both know it. They don't need to talk about it and he bites his lip when it hits him how much he's missed these wordless conversations they used to have. How much he's missed simply being understood. Maybe it's the same for her. He isn't just holding her, but she's holding him as well.

He doesn't know how long they've been standing here, in the middle of her office, when he hears her say softly, with a small quiver in her voice,

"I'm really glad you're back."

He swallows hard.

She's opening the door for him and he feels like crying from relief. He remembers another time he held her briefly, and it seems like a lifetime ago. But the words he said then are still true today. They are more true than ever before.

"I should have come back sooner."

Olivia sniffles and he wonders if she's as aware of what is happening between them as he is. When she lifts her head to look up at him with wet eyes, he knows that she is.

"Yeah," she chuckles, but the word comes out almost as a sob. "Yeah, you should've."

Years ago, she would just have said she was fine. He thinks she probably did say that at the time. But she's changed. She's kinder to herself these days; clearer on what she needs and not so afraid to admit it anymore.

"I'm proud of you, Liv," he blurts out.

Olivia raises an eyebrow and he can see she isn't following his line of thinking.

"Where'd that come from?" she asks, and he loves how they are talking without letting go of each other. She's still comfortably nestled in his arms and he doesn't plan on letting go unless she tells him to.

He shrugs lightly and smiles.

"Just am. You made a good life for yourself."

"You mean without you."

His smile widens and she can't know that even this makes his chest swell with pride.

"You didn't really need me."

Her eyes move between his for a few long moments and they reflect all of their long, complicated history back to him in detail.

"Doesn't mean I didn't want you there," she finally says quietly and only the small twitches in the muscles around her mouth betray how new it still is for her to admit to wanting anything for herself.

Elliot pulls her close again and this time, she turns her face inward so her forehead rests against the side of his neck.

"I'm so sorry, Liv," he whispers.

"I know," she whispers back.

"You gotta know that …"

"Shhh."

She doesn't want to hear his explanations again. She doesn't want to talk about the past tonight.

"Just hold me."

Can someone just hold me?
Don't fix me, don't try to change a thing
Can someone just know me?
'Cause underneath, I'm broken and it's beautiful

End