Chapter 4:
I opened the door and motioned for El to enter the room. We stood there in the foyer with an awkwardness that normally is not there with the two of us. I went and sat down on the couch, and he followed suit sitting next to me. He reached over and grabbed my hand and looked right into my eyes. "Hey Liv, I'm sorry I didn't call you the last few days. I am still not emotionally ok with what happened to you. I know it sounds selfish and petty after what you went through, but I feel so ashamed that I couldn't help you. I was embarrassed that I let my guard down and allowed him to capture me." I just stared back at him speechless. I really didn't know what to say as I was still an emotional wreck after that ordeal. I knew I would need months to years of counseling to be able to put it behind me. I'm sure the nightmares would continue, but I didn't want El to feel any worse than he already did. I just smiled and said I understood.
He then asked me if I was still in any pain and if everything was healing ok. I instinctively grasped the front of my shirt as though to cover up the horrible burn wounds present there. Elliot's eyes were suddenly filled with a sadness and hurt that made me want to hug him. I leaned over and wrapped my arms around him embracing him tightly. He reciprocated and stated, "Liv, I am so sorry. Death for that bastard was too kind. I wish I could have tortured him like he tortured you." I pulled back from the hug and placed my hand on his face. "It's ok El. Stop beating yourself up and let's try and move on."
Elliot then stated, "It's just, when I thought, I was going to lose you, my heart broke. I felt pain like I have never felt before." He then leaned in and kissed me. It was gentle at first and then was firmer and more passionate. I was stunned at first and froze up. I had imagined kissing him on many occasions, more times than I would like to admit to myself, and now it was happening. I then began kissing him back and became lost in the moment. I opened my mouth, and he started exploring it with his tongue. I felt warmth in my core, and it started to move its way down towards the region that was going to get me into trouble. The kissing became more and more passionate, and he started rubbing his hands down my sides to the hem of my shirt. I suddenly pushed him away, panting, out of breath. "El, we can't do this. You are married and I am still an emotional roller coaster after the Lewis situation." He stated, "I know Liv. I don't know what came over me. There is this pull towards you whenever I am near you. I think I am in love with you and have been for some time." I had absolutely no words and did not know what to say. I just stared back at him with a dumbfounded look on my face.
Elliot suddenly stood up and said, "I can't lose my kids Liv, I just can't. I need to go. I'm sorry." And just like that he walked out of the hotel room. I was still in shock and didn't know what to think. I yearned for him to be back sitting next to me, have his hands on me, and to be kissing me. I wanted to tell him that I was in love with him too, but it didn't appear he was going to leave Kathy anytime soon no matter how he felt about me. I wasn't sure how we would go back to work again and be partners like nothing happened. I guess I would give him some time and we would have to have another discussion. There had always been this sexual tension in the air between us, but everything was different now that we had crossed the line between a personal and a professional relationship. It would be one month before I was able to go back to work after the Lewis situation. In this time frame, I found a new apartment and had started to get myself settled. I had not heard from Elliot at all even after I texted him a few times to see how he was doing. I was anxious to get to work tomorrow just so I could see him and force him to talk about what happened.