Time flew by. And suddenly Sam was in her third trimester. They had already told the guys, Cassie and Vala and of course a baby shower was immediately scheduled. Cassie unfortunately couldn't attend because she was in Canada doing some volunteering. They should arrive in the next days and Sam wasn't sure if she was glad to have them there or if she just wanted to be alone with Jack. Her whole pregnancy was being a mix of feelings, something she wasn't used at all. Dr. Weaver had already reassured her that it was perfectly normal to be more emotional than usual. The problem was that Samantha Carter-O'Neill didn't do emotional. Well at least until she got pregnant.
Sam was rational to her bones. So she had already taken care of the rational things. She had her hospital bag ready. She had already sat with Jack and made a list of the people to contact when the baby was born. It was basically the old crew of SG-1 and Cassie. She wasn't exactly in speaking terms with her brother so there was no point in calling him.
However, Sam's biggest problem was her physical change. If she had felt bad in her second trimester she was definitely felling worse now. No matter what Jack said. Her belly was growing upwards and outwards, making deep breaths a thing of the past. She was feeling increasingly bulky, breathless, and swollen. Her only advantage was that since she was tall, sometimes it just seemed that she popped a basketball under her sweater. But it was just sometimes. So now she avoided mirrors altogether.
After a serial of loud discussions at her lab in the Pentagon it was decided that she should take the rest of her pregnancy at home and work from there. Besides she felt easily tired and also the effects of nurturing her growing baby. As she was getting closer to term, Sam felt exhausted on some days and totally fed up with being pregnant. On those days, there was a lot of yelling at the Carter-O'Neill house, especially from Sam.
One of them had been pretty bad.
"This is all your fault", she said throwing a mug into the sink.
Jack raised an eyebrow. He already knew from her early mood that this was probably going to be an ugly fight.
"Excuse me? What have I done this time?", he asked curious.
Sam pointed to her growing belly and Jack made the mistake of laughing.
"Of course you're laughing. You're not the one carrying this", she said putting both hands in her belly.
Jack stopped laughing.
"This?! I've already told you not to call our baby 'this'!", he warned.
They hadn't decided on a name yet simply because Sam refused to even think about it. She said that after he or she was born she had plenty of time to choose a name. She couldn't name a child without seeing his face. So she started calling the baby 'this' and it drove Jack absolutely furious.
"Well, I'm the one carrying this, so I called this the hell I wanted it", she said taking another mug from the cupboard.
"Sam…", he warned.
"And you're not getting near me again. So forget sex for the next…fifty years!", she said blushing.
Jack almost chocked with his coffee.
"Are you completely insane?", he asked.
"After this gets out, you're not getting near me", she said again.
Jack put the mug down, spilling almost all the coffee.
"STOP CALLING THE BABY 'THIS'!", he yelled.
"DON'T SHOUT WITH ME!", she yelled back.
Jack passed a hand through his hair.
"Ok, let's calm down. Discussions aren't good for the baby", he said.
Sam threw another mug at the sink.
"I'm sick and tired of everything being about the baby! Like I suddenly stopped existing. Me, Sam. Puff. No longer. Just this godamn thing!", she angrily pointed to her belly.
Jack was quickly losing his patience.
"Sam, I know you're tired and overwhelmed. But you're almost at the end of the pregnancy. The baby will come soon and you will forget all the bad parts. Trust me", he said trying to keep his calm.
She made a mocked smile.
"Right because you've gave birth to how many kids, Jack?"
He cursed between his teeth and just left the kitchen. Picking the car keys and getting out of the front door. With a loud bang. Sam threw another mug with all her strength.
"Shit!", she cursed closing her eyes.
That night Jack got back home past 0300. Sam was already asleep in bed. He slept in the guestroom. When she woke up and noticed his emptied cold side, her anger come back with full vengeance. Very well. If he wanted things like that she could play along. So she went to take a shower, put some clothes and went downstairs for breakfast. Dr. Weaver had told her to eat whenever she was hungry and stop when she was full. And that was what Sam had been doing. She just ate a little bit when she felt hungry. After all there wasn't enough room in her stomach to hold much anymore.
Jack was already in the kitchen drinking coffee and reading the newspaper. She simply ignored him and started to make her tea.
"How are you?", he asked after some minutes.
"Same as yesterday", she said with her back to him.
He continued to read the newspaper although keeping an eye on what she was doing. She drank her tea with her back towards him, in silence. He finished his coffee and got up to put the mug in the dishwasher. She immediately moved away. Sighing he just picked his newspaper and left the kitchen.
She wasn't hungry anyway so when she finished her tea she decided to go to the office and work. At least that would keep her mind off other things, like her husband. So she grabbed a bottle of water, went to their office and closed the door. In minutes she was involved in the last programming she had been working in the Pentagon before been sent home. Time flew by. She never noticed. Lunch, dinner… She only got up to go to the bathroom. She was still typing when a flushed Jack entered the office.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?!", he asked almost yelling.
She moved her head from the monitor to the door and suddenly her vision become a little blurry. She blinked several times. Things got a little more focused and she could see Jack's angry face.
"I'm working", she simply said.
"FOR HOW LONG, SAM?!", he asked approaching her. This time yelling.
She ignored him and continued typing.
"Leave me alone", she said. Eyes firmly set on the monitor.
"Did you eat anything since this morning?", he asked a little calmer.
She continued typing. Jack passed a hand through his hair. She would make his hair go completely white in no time.
"Do you know what time is?", he asked putting a hand on her keyboard and preventing her from typing.
She slowly lifted her head and looked at him.
"I asked you to leave me alone", she said through her teeth.
He didn't take his hand from the keyboard.
"It's past 2130. Do you want to kill yourself and the baby?" he asked furious.
Sam palled so much she looked like a ghost.
"Leave, Jack", she managed to say although her breathing had started to increase and her hands were now damp.
"I'm not leaving without you", he said with determination.
Sam swallowed and took a deep breath trying to control her incoming panic attack.
"Fine. I'll stop working now. But leave me alone. I'll go eat something", she managed to say. Avoiding his eyes, she grabbed her bottle of water and drank. Her mouth was dry as a desert.
Jack noticed that her hands were shaking and decided not to press her more.
"I've made dinner. It's in the fridge", he said moving away from her.
She just nodded and put the bottle on her desk. It was empty. He looked at her once again, turned and left the office leaving the door opened. Sam closed her eyes and put both hands in her desk, resting her head in one of the arms. She started to take deep, long breaths, trying to calm down. She had completely lost track of time. He was right. She should have been more careful. Not only because of her but because of the baby. Thinking that she might have harmed her baby make her nauseous.
"God", she let out.
After some minutes, Jack carefully went again to the office. He stopped at the door, seeing her with her head resting in one arm, still at her desk. He swallowed hard. He knew she wasn't feeling well but she wasn't even asking for his help. God, she was stubborn! He turned around and went back to the kitchen. He quickly prepared her a plate of food and grabbed a new water bottle. Without saying a word, he entered the office put the plate and the water in her desk and left. The door remained open.
San heard him but didn't had the strength to move. She was expecting more shouting when suddenly she heard him leave. Slowly she moved her head and saw the food and the water. Tears started to fell on her cheek and she closed her eyes. God, she sometimes hated this pregnancy so much!
Jack was pacing in the living room like a caged animal. His heart beat was similar to a race horse in the tracks as his ears continued focused in their office and any sound that come from there. It was dead quiet. Which only made him more nervous. Finally, his nerves won and he returned to the office. His heart almost stopped when he didn't see her at her desk but then his trained eyes quickly found her laying down on the little sofa they had there. She was sound asleep.
"Jesus, Sam", he whispered as he approached her.
He looked at her desk and saw that at least she had eaten what he had brought her. He knelt next to her and very gently move some hairs from her sleeping face. She looked exhausted.
"Why do you have to be so damn stubborn?", he asked picking her up and carrying her in his arms to their bedroom. She snuggled her head against his chest.
Very carefully he put her on the bed and covered her. He wanted to get inside the sheets and sleep with her. Very much. But they need to talk before that. So with all his iron will, he kissed her forehead, closed the light and went to the guestroom. Again. Hoping that she would come to her senses quickly.
Sam woke up feeling dizzy and with her mouth very dry. "Jack?", she called reaching for her husband with her hand. His side was empty. Again. Sam bit her lower lip and muffled a sob. She didn't cry however swallowing her sorrow. Carters could suck it up and she was a Carter. Sating on the bed, she passed a hand through her hair. She didn't remember going to their bed, only lying down on the office's sofa. So he probably had brought her here. And left.
"OK, Jack. If that's how you want it…", she said out loud.
She went to the bathroom and took a long shower. Water and tears mixed together but afterwards she felt better. She put one of her maternity jeans and a sweater and went to the kitchen. Time to face the music.
Like the day before he was already there having his coffee. This time there wasn't a newspaper in sight. Neither a greeting. She did the same ritual, heating the water for her tea. And keeping her back to him. However, when she was pouring the hot water in her mug, she got a really bad cramp and she lost strength in her hand. So she let go of the kettle and the hot water spilled over part of her hand.
"Fuck!", she yelled as the pain hit her.
Jack dropped the mug and was by her side in seconds.
"Let me see", he said grabbing her arm.
She shoved him away with violence.
"Don't touch ME!", she warned him. Then she put the injured hand under water, cooling it.
Jack was greeting his teeth.
"Stop acting like a spoiled brat and let me see your hand. NOW, SAM! It's burned, you might need to go to the hospital", he said trying again to grab her arm.
She didn't move her hand from the cooling water but looked at him with a cold freezing stare.
"If you try to touch me again, Jack, I swear to God I'll punch the daylights out of you", she said very slowly.
He crossed his arms and looked at her.
"So you prefer to have a third degree burn than let me touch you?", he asked in a hurt voice.
Sam moved her hand under the water. It hurt like hell but she wasn't going to tell him that.
"Right now, yes", she said determined. He was sleeping in the guestroom, she didn't want him touching her either.
Jack put his arms along his body and looked at her very blue eyes.
"OK go ahead then. Get over with it. This has to stop. Give it your best shot. Then we're going to the hospital to check your hand. And probably my jaw. But we're going to check your hand, Sam", he said with an equal determined voice.
Sam stood there looking at his lovely brown eyes and suddenly all her anger was gone. And suddenly her hand started hurting really bad, despite the cold water. Fighting the tears, she closed the tap and held her hurt hand under the elbow.
"Fine", she just said.
Jack took a deep breath and looked briefly at her injured hand. It didn't look good.
"Let's go", he said grabbing the keys and opening the front door.
She walked out and let him opened the passenger car door for her. Once inside he saw that she wasn't moving. So he put her seatbelt taking great care with her belly. Then he speeded to the nearest hospital.
As soon as they arrived the hospital, Jack explained the nurse what happened since Sam apparently wasn't opening her mouth to say a thing.
"Hi, my wife Sam burned her hand while making tea. Can you help us?"
The nurse took them to one of the available rooms.
"Of course. Can you show me the affected area?", she asked looking at Sam.
Sam showed her right hand.
Jack was by her side. "She accidentally spilled boiling water on it".
The nurse smiled to Sam and pointed to a chair. Sam sat.
"Okay, let's take a look. It looks like a second-degree burn. We'll need to clean the area and apply a dressing", she explained while taking the necessary materials from a cabinet.
Jack was starting to sweat.
"Is it serious?", he asked concerned.
Sam continued in silence while the nurse started to apply the appropriate treatment.
"It's not life-threatening, but we need to treat it properly to prevent infection and promote healing. We'll give you pain medication and schedule a follow-up appointment to monitor the healing process", she said looking at Sam who was just calming watching the process.
Jack started to relax. "Thank you for your help".
"Your welcome. We'll take good care of her", she said while finishing the treatment.
After a while, Sam left the hospital with a bandaged hand and pain medication. She hadn't said a word the entire process and Jack was starting to get worried.
"Are you in pain, honey?", he asked as they drove back home.
"Not anymore", she answered looking at the window.
The rest of the drive home was silent. Once inside the house, she just went to the couch and sat, closing her eyes.
Jack started pacing in the living room.
"Tell me what to do, Sam. I don't know what's happening with you. I'm completely lost here", he admitted.
"You're completely lost?" she asked. "That's why you're sleeping in the guestroom?"
Jack continued to pace.
"It's obvious that something is going on and you don't want me around. I thought it was best to leave you alone", he said.
"Yeah, Jack. I got your message", she said bitterly.
He stopped pacing and looked at her with her eyes still closed.
"Don't play the offended one, Sam! You're the one that started giving me the cold shoulder out from nowhere! I don't even know what the fuck I did wrong!?", he said opening his arms.
She smiled. "That's funny", she said.
He slowly sat in the couch. Not very close to her but also not very far. At a safe distance.
"What's funny, honey?", he asked confused.
"I don't remember what you did wrong. If you did anything wrong at all! Or if it's just these damn hormones driving me nuts!", she said putting both hands over her face.
Jack put a tentative hand in her knee.
"It's OK, Sam".
"No, Jack, it's very far from being OK" she said still with her face covered.
He gently massaged her knee, trying to comfort her.
"Then tell me why is not OK", he asked.
She dropped her hands but didn't open her eyes.
"Because you're not the one who will be in labor and worried about the birth. Because maybe the concept of the unknown and waiting to see how things turn out is not working very well with me. Especially when I normally like to feel I'm in control and have everything figured out. You know…Small stuff to think about", she said with her eyes still closed.
Jack finally started to understand how deep her wife's fears went regarding all this pregnancy process and how her insecurities were starting to overwhelm her.
"And you've been feeling like this all this time? Alone? Suffering in silence because you don't trust me?", he asked.
"I don't know, Jack. I hardly know anything these days now", she admitted truthfully.
"But you prefer to suffer in silence alone?", he insisted.
Sam opened her eyes and looked at him. Her look was a mixture of pain, hurt, anger and sadness.
"I don't know how to tell you these things", she finally admitted.
Even risking her anger, Jack put his other hand on her neck, gently caressing it.
"We're married, Sam. We've always talked about everything. Why is this different?", he asked.
"Because you've already been through all of this. And for me it is all new", she said with a tear dropping.
"One more reason for you to let me help you", he said caressing her hair.
"Easier said than done", she said sniffling.
"We're almost at the finishing line, Sam. I'm proud of you", he said.
She looked at him sideways.
"You're just saying that because you want to have sex again", she said.
He laughed.
"Yes, I want to have sex with you. I'll always want to have sex with you. But right now I want to understand what's happening with you. Why do you continue to shut me out during these process? The only thing we've been doing together are the prenatal classes and even those are a struggle…", he said.
"We can stop them anytime you want", she said immediately.
Jack shook his head immediately. He knew she didn't like the classes. He had seen her struggle when the instructor had mentioned the physical and emotional changes that pregnant women experienced during pregnancy. But especially when they covered the breastfeeding techniques and infant care, including diapering, bathing, and feeding. That had been so far the most difficult part for her.
"No, they are helping us, even if you don't think so", he said.
"I do", she said through her teeth's.
Jack put both hands on her shoulders, surprising her. Then he moved her and put her back against his chest like they usually did at the classes. It was the closest intimate contact they had in days.
"What are you doing?", Sam asked.
Jack moved his hands to her lower back and started massaging it as he had learned. She closed her eyes and let her head fall back, against his shoulder.
"Now breath, like they showed us", he told her in a very low voice.
Sam started the breathing exercises she used to do in the classes. Those combined with his massage made her relaxed significantly.
"I know you don't like the classes, Sam but not everything can be learned with books. The classes are helping you with practical stuff too that we'll need when the baby is born. Like diapering, bathing, and feeding. You told me that you felt bad for not knowing how to do that. Now you're learning", he said as he continued to massage her back.
"I feel a complete idiot. The other parents there know much more than I do", she said carefully laying her injured hand in her lap.
Jack had to give her some points there. Their prenatal classes had other three more couples besides them and all of them were already parents. Sam was the only one who was giving birth for the first time so the other mothers were a little condescending towards her. And she didn't react well to condescending.
"Just because they already have other children don't make them better than us, honey", he said kissing the top of her head.
"Well, tell those bitches that", she said biting her lip.
He stopped the massage and slowly moved his hands to her belly, resting his hands there.
"I can arrest them all and throw away the key if you want, honey. Lock them in a military desert base somewhere in the world. Just say the word", he said with a serious voice.
Sam giggled.
"Jesus, Jack. I don't want them arrested. I just want them to stop patronizing me", she said smiling.
"Are you sure? Locked and gone! Totally done!", he said nibbling her ear.
"You would do that for me?", she asked curious now.
"I will do anything for you, Sam. Anything!", he said dead serious.
Sam knew he wasn't joking.
"OK. But let them continue their classes. We're almost finishing and I won't be seeing them again", she said trying to swallow the lump in her throat.
"If you say so…", he said, keeping his hands on her belly.
Suddenly the baby kicked hard and Jack felt it. "Oh there champion!", he said smiling.
"Yeah, he's been very active today…", Sam confirmed moving slightly to accommodate her increasingly moving baby.
"But you're OK, right? No pains?", he asked suddenly concerned.
Sam moved again. The kid was definitely an acrobat. Or a soccer player.
"No more than the usual ones", she admitted.
"OK. So are we good, Sam? Are we OK?", he asked, moving the hair from her neck.
She managed to turned in the couch and looked at him.
"Yes, Jack. We're good. I'm sorry if I've not been very cooperative this past days but the pregnancy hasn't been an easy process to me. And this last trimester has been the most complicated one. I didn't mean to shut you out", she said caressing his thigh.
"We can do this together, honey", he said covering her hand.
"Oh we definitely are doing this together. I can't do this by myself", she admitted without any problem.
"You won't", he said kissing her slowly in the mouth.
And with that their worst discussion had ended. Sam finally accepted that she needed her husband's help more than she was willing to admit. And Jack was there for her the entire way.