***Trigger Warning. Abortion situation. Thank you to Janet for her wonderful characters. Also thank you to Kathy, Heather and Lisa for your help in getting this story ready to post. I also want to thank the readers and reviewers. You are the reason I'm doing this. We are almost done with the high angst. Just a little more and things will calm down a bit.

~Chapter 13

***May 17

The plain brick structure looms ahead as if it were just a nondescript office building, an unremarkable brick and mortar structure not indicating anything out of the ordinary. I know there's nothing unremarkable about what happens here. This innocent building is where many women, like me, will house the pain and emotional trauma that we will carry with us leaving an indelible mark on our souls. I begin crying for myself and the others that share my despair. I pull my burned-out piece of crap into the parking lot. I notice a black 911 turbo with tinted windows parked just outside the gated lot. Good. He needs to see this.

The mood is somber. No colorful decor, no cheerful receptionists. Everyone feels the gravity of the desperate situations that surround this innocuous brick facade. I complete the intake paperwork and am sitting in a line of women waiting for the procedure. Sitting in the row of chairs, an assembly line of tortured souls. I look at the despair on the faces of these girls. Most are very young, too young to have to deal with this emotionally. The young girl next to me breaks and begins a fit of hysterical crying. This is too much for this young girl to take. She asks to use the bathroom and the intake nurse tries, in vain, to get her under control. Her problem is that she's trying to try to get her to stop crying. That's a mistake. I volunteer to go with her. The overworked nurse is relieved that I stepped in. Only someone in the same circumstance can offer comfort. I grab both our charts and while the girl is using the restroom, I switch our cover information. She's telling me through hysterical sobs that if anyone ever finds out then her life will be over. I smile for the first time in days. "I think I can help you with this." I say to her, "Trust me when I tell you this. I can guarantee no one will find out."

I wasn't able to calm her down and honestly, I wasn't trying to. If she wants to cry then she should cry. I learned from experience that you have to cry it out. That's the only thing that will get you to the next step, acceptance. It's part of the process of moving on. One day at a time and then she'll begin to heal. I'm overcome by the sadness that this girl is facing. I'm not trying to convince her to make one choice or another, just ensure that she's sure this is her only choice. I'm a firm believer that you have to make the best decisions you can with the information you have. Even at this young age, I see her determination. There was a fire in her eyes that flashed when I asked if she was sure. If I were to try to convince her to make another choice, I would have been met with fury, defiance, distance.

"My mother is dying." She says, when she calms down enough to speak."She has stage four colon cancer. This would crush her. She would be so disappointed in me. She's a great mom." She takes a shaky breath before continuing. "I was date raped and the person who raped me, goes to school with me. He'll just say I agreed to it and it'll be a 'he said she said' mess. Everyone will think I'm a slut. He'll walk away unscathed, I just know it. I can't put my mom through that. I just want this to go away. I want to forget the whole thing ever happened. I can't have a rapist's child. I will not have a rapist's child and no one can make me. I have to go through with this," she says, her resolve stronger than her tears.

"You're a brave person to take this on by yourself. You know better than anyone what you can live with. You get to decide how you want to handle this. If your mother is supportive of you, when this is over, I think you should consider telling her. Even though she can't do anything to make it better, she can support you. She can love you. Parents are supposed to be there to fight for you, guide you and if that fails, pick up the pieces. At least that's what I plan to do. My mother wasn't good at that but I bet yours is, you should let her help you. A good mom wants to know the good, the bad and the ugly." I've been thinking a lot of what a mother should do, how they should act. What I want to be. Once the initial shock wore off, I spent the last few days thinking of what I could do differently. How I could be better. She calms more and I give her a last reassuring squeeze.

"I'm ready," she says and mouths, "thank you".

"Remember, no one will ever find out. Just go when I tell you to." We dry our remaining tears and I hand her her chart . We head back out to the macabre assembly line and find our seats much farther up to the front. Time is slipping away. When the next name is called, I gently push her forward whispering "go, trust me" and she does. I slip out when I note that the once hysterical girl, now strengthened with a plan, will not confirm that she isn't Stephanie Plum. After I make sure that she's safely in the procedure room, I turn to the intake nurse and begin to cry. I don't have to pretend. I cry for the young girl in line with me, I cry for all I have lost and what I have ahead of me. I tell her what I need to and hand her my chart.

Three and a half hours after I arrived, I leave with tear streaks down my face and the familiar black Porsche is still sitting in the same spot. I quickly look away, I have nothing for him. Never again.

Ranger POV

I pull out my phone and dial the number. Hector answers on the second ring "Jefe, it is done. I was able to access her chart. The procedure took place at 11:15 am. It says an 11 week 3 day fetus was aborted. No problems or complications." I disconnect. I'm surprised at how disappointed I feel. I never wanted a family. I wanted my life with my rules. Julie is fine. I don't see her often and I'm not emotionally attached to her, for her safety, she is kept far from my life.

***May 18

I sit in my home office, the once calm sanctum offering me no peace now. My thoughts are dominated by my current issue. I can't believe she tried to trap me. I spin in my desk chair and slam my fist into the wall behind me. Pain not registering. No consideration is given to the hole in the drywall. Realization that I missed the stud brings a mixture of emotions. Disappointment that I don't have pain as a distraction but glad I won't be visiting Bobby, again. My thoughts return to the betrayal. How could she do this to me? I thought she loved me. How could she do something like this? If she wasn't trying to trap me then how could she have gone through with the abortion. What if this was my child? My child with Stephanie? If she really loved me and it really was my child, then she could never have gone through with it. She never loved me. It had to be Joe's. She was fucking him too. That thought feels like a knife to the heart. We had sex practically every day for the past three months. "Fuck" I say as I hit the wall again, missing the stud again. Dammit. How could I be so wrong? I decide that I really can't keep hitting the wall when I have a perfectly good heavy bag in the gym. There, I can hit the bag to my heart's content. My heart, my fucking heart. I have to focus on being mad because I don't want to consider any other reasons for my state of mind. I turn off my computer and head to the gym. I don't even stop to change. I just strip down to my cargos and start pounding away at the current target of my aggression. No sense dwelling on the past. I need to move forward, I need to put in place safeguards that will ensure that this never happens again. I'll call Bobby and ask him to set me up with an appointment to get a vasectomy. It's something that I had thought about for years, really ever since Rachel. If I can't trust myself to always use a condom then I can at least prevent one of the negative outcomes.

After punching the bag for a couple of hours, my hands are raw and painful. I don't mind, I like the feeling of pain that comes from physical exertion. It's better than the emotional shit that comes with Stephanie. I still cannot wrap my head around how I could have been so wrong about her. I guess all women are just manipulative liars. First, with Kelsey and Lester and now Stephanie. I can't believe she lied to me. Never again will I allow a woman to make a fool of me.

I'm sitting in my office on Seven, trying to fill every waking second with work, when my phone alerts me with a new message.

From Jeanne Ellen: Want to grab a drink? I have a business proposition.

I send her a quick text asking where and when. I could use this kind of distraction. She wanted a no strings relationship. That sounds like the perfect arrangement. This will work out well. She knows exactly what she's getting. I don't have to pretend that it isn't anything more than mutual satisfaction.

SPOV

I walk into the Bonds Office with mixed feelings. This is the first external contact I've had with anyone since the abortion yesterday. I'm not sure how my friends are going to react. I'm 100% sure the news has made its rounds so I'll be shocked if they don't know.

"Look who just walked in. Aren't you the popular one?" Connie asks with amusement.

Lula sits up from the couch and says "Don't listen to her. You get to do what you want. Soooo whose baby was it? Officer Hottie or Batman? How did they take the news? Come on Steph, let's have it."

I take a deep breath and ignore the questions. These women aren't berating me but they also aren't supporting me. Call me crazy but aren't friends supposed to be concerned for me? These women just want gossip. They want to know the drama that my life has become. I hate it. Mary Lou would support me. I do the only thing that will not end with screaming. I ignore them. I will no longer accept friendships or love with strings attached or selfish motives.

I walk toward Vinnie's office and knock without looking at them. I hear a grunt and normally that would have scared me away from opening his door but not today. Nothing can make this day any worse. I push the door open and walk in. I hand him my letter of resignation before I have to deal with anything he says. His scowl before he even glances at the letter tells me he is going to say something stupid so I stop him right there.

"No" I say with enough force that he shuts up and looks down at the paper again. I don't want to stick around and hear what he has to say, so I turn and walk out. I walk out of the Bonds Office without looking back. The girls are shouting more questions at my back as I walk out. As I back out of the parking place, I spared a glance inside. I can see all three standing there, staring at me through the front glass windows.

I need to drop off my letter of resignation and a dissolution of his power of attorney. I park my POS on the street and look over at the front door.

"I'm just dropping this off. I'm not going to see him." I say to myself as I open the door and get out. I don't think I have ever parked out here unless I count the Slayers incident, but then I parked around the corner. It all seems like a lifetime ago. Who would ever have thought that I would end up here? I take a deep breath and let it out. I'm probably already on camera so I want to stay strong. I'm so sick of crying and being weak. I need to be strong. I can do this. This mental pep talk is on repeat in my head as I walk through the front door up to the main desk. I put the paperwork down and see Manny. He doesn't greet me with the cheerful customary greeting of "Morning Wifey" but instead I get a terse "He isn't going to see you."

"Good morning Manny, please, just give this to Ranger." I push the paperwork to him across the desk. "Thank you...Ummm, Bye Manny." I turn and walk out of the headquarters of Rangeman Trenton for the last time. I start my new mantra in my head to keep the tears at bay. "I can do this. I can do this." I'm mostly successful because only a few tears slide down my face. I reach the car and once inside, I take a deep breath and make peace with what I have done. I take another deep breath and focus all my thoughts on my future. I don't want to waste anymore time thinking about the past and the assholes that reside there.

I drive my POS car back to my lot and park it by the dumpster. This is where I'm planning on leaving it. I'll try to arrange for Dillon to get rid of it later. Right now, I need people to believe I'm home. I also need to borrow Big Blue from my grandmother to pick up my getaway vehicle. I'll Uber to meet Mary Lou then straight to my parents house. If I can't use Big Blue then I'll need to figure something out. I can't use an Uber, there could be a record of that if anyone searches for me. A lot depends on what happens at my parents.

***May 19

I get out of the Uber and make my way to the front of the Tasty Pastry. I see Mrs. Winters with her two grandchildren and give them a half smile. It's all I can muster at the moment.

"Come on girls," she says to the two teenagers, "We don't want to have anything to do with people like her." One of the teens whines that they wanted a donut, but Mrs. Winters pulls the girls past the entrance. I'm a little stunned but make my way into the shop. I can see Mary Lou seated at a table, staring at me. She has a worried look on her face. She's looking around nervously as she rises to meet me as I approach the counter. I was looking at the donut selection when I notice there is no longer any conversation. Just complete silence. When I look back up to Mare, and to Sarah who is working the counter, I must have the dumbest look on my face because I can't figure out why everyone is staring at me. I look around to the other side of the shop and who do I see? Fuck me! Angie Morelli. She is turning red and I brace myself for what's coming next. Sarah and Mary Lou jump to intervene as Mrs. Morelli, forgetting her order, comes at me screaming obscenities. Sarah is trying to hold her back and all I can do is stand there. I can't believe this is happening to me. What the hell is going on? I hear snippets of her rant. I hear the words 'slut' and 'devil woman'. Does she think I was pregnant by Joe?

"...how can you stand there when you aborted my grandchild." This catches my attention and I focus on her when she says that. I'm about to explain to her that Joe and I were broken up long before I got pregnant and there was no way he could have gotten me pregnant when Sarah interrupted me.

"Stephanie, you should leave. I can't have you disrupting the customers. Please leave quietly and don't come back." More silence. I look at Mary Lou and see it instantly. She's choosing the Burg. She's not willing to go out on a limb for me. I can't believe it. I thought we were friends. I give up. I look at her with sadness.

"Goodbye Mary Lou. Take care of yourself. I wish you all the best." With that, I turn and walk out of the bakery with my head held high. I'm pretty proud of how I handled that. I'm done with assholes and I'm done with Trenton. Now I just have to face my mother and my sister. "Wish me luck" I say to no one.

I duck around the alley and call for my Uber. While I'm waiting, I call Val to ask her to come to Moms and she picks up on the first ring. She doesn't even say hello.

"How could you do this? I can't believe you're my sister. An abortion? What were you thinking? You've brought shame on our family name AGAIN! So tell me, who's baby was it?" She pauses, waiting for me to answer. It sure is nice of her to let me answer. Problem is, she's being an asshole and since I have no more tolerance for assholes, I did the only thing I could, I disconnected. I look at my phone for a couple of seconds like I was trying to figure out if that really happened or I hallucinated it when it rang. Val again. I send her call to voicemail and power it off. I guess I can't use this phone anymore. Next up on this circle of hell tour is my parents. I wonder how my day can get any worse as I power my phone back on just to order an Uber.

I get out of the Uber and walk up the sidewalk. No one was waiting for me. I wonder what happened to mom radar? I'm getting increasingly nervous. I know what everyone thinks. I know it's my body, my choice. I know these are the people that should love me the most. I walk in the kitchen and I see my mother standing by the sink. She has a scowl on her face. I'm barely in the door when she starts.

"How could you?" Mom asks with barely concealed disgust. "How could you kill my grandchild? Do you even know whose baby it was? I heard about it from just about everyone in the neighborhood. I can't believe you. You could have married Joseph and raised that child. How could you be so selfish? That is not how I raised you! I can't even look at you..." Mom finishes her tirade as she walks out of the kitchen. Out of my life. My Dad just stood in the doorway with this sad look on his face. My whole life I imagined him being the strong silent type that supported me but that's not true. He shook his head

"I can't believe you did this. We would have helped you support that child. We would have loved that child. I am so disappointed in you. You're not my Pumpkin anymore." He also turns his back to me and walks back into the living room. I can't speak. I can't respond to my Mom's vicious attack and my Dad's obvious rejection. I'm numb. I want out. I have to get away. I catch a glimpse of Grandma as I turn and walk out of the kitchen that I spent so much time in. I may not have had the most supportive parents but this kitchen used to have a lot of good memories. Not now, not anymore. I have to get away. I cannot take another rejection. Grandma follows me out the door and touches my shoulder. I turn, bracing for round three.

"Oh baby granddaughter" she says on a sigh just before she hugs me. She gently soothes me as she pats me on the back. "I love you no matter what. I always have and I always will," she continues. I can't help it, I cry. All of the pain, all of the hurt from my parents fall away. It's only my grandmother and me. She has always comforted me. She's the one I ran to when my mother and I fought. She has always given me her unconditional love. My tears continue to fall. I thought I was cried out. I was wrong. "Let's go for a ride. Where's your car?" she asks and I shake my head no.

"I came in an Uber." I choke out.

"Let me get the keys to Big Blue" and she disappears into the house only to come back with her jacket and purse a minute later. We walk around the house toward the garage. She hands me the keys and as I finish drying up the tears, I take a deep breath.

"So what are you going to do now?" she asks. Well isn't that the million dollar question? We get into Big Blue and I get behind the wheel. Gone is her over the top attitude. In its place is a loving and responsible parent who is trying to help me through the worst week of my life.

"I think I need to leave Trenton." I manage to choke out between sobs. I have everything planned out in my head but this is the first time I voice it to anyone. Before now, I wasn't sure if I had anyone I could trust.

Every single relationship I have in Trenton is toxic. I may not have noticed if it hadn't been for my grandmother's quiet support and acceptance. Seeing what unconditional love is makes me recognize the unhealthy relationships I have with, well, everyone. Well, what I had, no more.

"Okay baby girl, then let's go to your place and pack your stuff." she says and I point the behemoth toward my apartment. We pull into the parking lot, get out and head upstairs for the last time. Well, it's the last time for me. I look around my home. I have so many memories here too. I sink to the floor and the tears begin. Grandma comes over and sits next to me, holding me as I cry. I relax into her and draw strength from her that she so willingly gives. I take a deep breath.

"I think I'm done crying now. I need to make some plans and I need your help."

She looks at me and smiles. "There you are, baby girl. I knew you were in there. What can I do to help?"

From there we make our plans. I pull out several bags and go through the apartment. I know I can't take much with me since I don't know where all the trackers are. I put together a box for Morelli and Ranger. Not surprisingly, I cry when I fill Ranger's box. It has his SEAL's hat and many of his Rangeman shirts, sweatshirts and jackets. I also include the diamond that he gave me from the treasure hunt that my grandmother got us involved in. I offered it to her but she declined.

"I have the memories, you should keep the treasure." I slip it into the box without her knowing. I don't want any other reminders of Ranger, I have enough. I give him back everything he gave to me. The earrings he gave me for my birthday last year. The necklace from last Christmas. All of the guns and ammo I have came from him. I put all of it in the box. It was overflowing. Most of his gifts were practical. Some were more personal and I had clung to the hope that he really was working toward a forever with me. That hope is gone now.

I put in the beautiful silk lei that I got from Hawaii in the garbage, along with a lot of other painful mementos we shared. I'm starting fresh, with a new life. I need to focus on the future and I don't want to dwell anymore on the past. Morelli's box ends up being rather small. I decide that neither warranted a goodbye and just scribbled their names on a post it note to label the boxes. The majority of the stuff was garbage. All that was left that was personal to me was Rex and the cookie jar in the kitchen. All the furniture and kitchen items I left for grandma.

"You have to get this place swept for bugs and trackers. I know there are probably some sewn into my clothes but since we're throwing them out it doesn't matter. Are you sure you can afford this place?" I ask her for the second time in the last hour. The first time she mentioned staying here was when we first started planning out what I was going to do.

"Yes honey. I can. I always could. I just didn't want to be alone. Now that Helen and Frank have turned their backs on you, I can't go back to their house. I can't live there anymore." she leans in for a hug. "How they can do that to you is a mystery to me."

"Remember, Rex needs fresh water and food every other day. Make sure you fill it all the way to the top so it'll last. As soon as I'm settled I'll come and get him." I take a breath and continue. "We need to get to the bank as soon as they open, I need to get two phones, some clothes, toiletries and a car. Oh Grandma, I'm really going to miss you. I love you," I say as I begin to tear up again. She gives me a hug as I crawl into bed, I sleep for the last time in the home of my past. My future awaits.