It was raining outside. Raindrops hit the roof and the windows of Stefan's car. They were sitting inside it, but the chill crept in nevertheless. The dark green woods were drowning in the thick mist. It was still early morning. Elena wanted to meet before school and Stefan agreed. He knew she knew when he heard her voice on the phone last night. The view in front of them would've been beautiful and picturesque if not for the grave topic they had to discuss.
"How long have you known?" he asked.
Elena wasn't looking at him. Her eyes were set straight ahead. "Since last night," she said in a low voice. "Damon… he tried to bite me. I saw his eyes, his fangs…"
Damon. Of course it was him. He always ruined everything.
"Why were you alone with Damon?" he asked, trying not to yell.
"He followed me to my room last night. I thought you all left. He… he didn't—
"Did he bite you?"
Elena looked at him from the side of her eye, "No." She sounded disappointed.
Stefan could imagine Damon and Elena in her room, with Damon towering over her, showing her his fangs, her eyes wide in terror, lips open as if to scream…
"I told you not to invite him," Stefan said.
"I know." She went silent for a while. "So… you're a vampire too?" she asked. Now she was looking at him. He tried to see fear in her eyes but there was little of it.
"Yes," Stefan said. But I'm not a bad vampire, he wanted to add. It didn't matter, though. All vampires were the same in humans' eyes.
He could hear Elena's breathing grow shallow.
"I will drop out of school if you want. And you'll never have to see me again. Or Damon. I promise."
Elena's eyes widened. "What? No! I don't want that. I don't want you to leave."
"You seem unbothered by this knowledge," Stefan pointed out.
Because that's the best thing that could have happened to me, Elena wanted to say.
"I just… I think I knew from the beginning. That you were different."
"That I'm gay, you mean."
Elena sighed, "That, too, but not only. There was this strange aura around you, I saw it since the first time we met. Bonnie seemed suspicious, too. And when I met Damon…" She closed her eyes. "I can't describe what he did to me, just his prese—"
"You don't need to say it," Stefan interrupted. He knew exactly what Damon made young girls like Elena feel. And he used his dark charm and dangerous charisma as a powerful weapon. It worked every single time to get him off and let him feed.
They both stared ahead, the said and unsaid words hung in the air like that fog in the woods.
"What is it going to be like now?" Elena asked. She meant their friendship.
"What would you like it to be?"
Elena bit her lip, "Just like before. I don't want anything to change."
Stefan nodded. "Okay. We can do that. Will you…? I wouldn't be surprised if you'd tell—"
"I won't tell anyone, I swear," Elena said. "I would never betray you."
They looked at each other. There was still that same warmth in Elena's eyes for him, that was there since the moment they became friends. Even though she was a human, it's been a long time since Stefan felt so close to another.
"But… I have to ask you something. More like a favor I suppose."
"Of course, what is it?"
Elena turned away, swallowed thickly, then looked at her hands, as if what she was to say weighed her heavily.
"You can tell me, you know. Whatever it is," Stefan assured her.
She still stared at her hands. "I just… I don't want you to take it the wrong way. Please, understand, I'm… I'm just looking for a way out. I know that I'm weak and a coward and that I should either do it myself or live with what happened for the rest of my life. And I just… can't." Stefan frowned. He didn't like where this was going. "Since you're a vampire and, well, you'd find it easy to get away with…"
"Get away with what exactly?" Stefan grew more worried with every word she spoke.
Elena's eyelids fluttered as she closed her eyes and then opened them again, trying to find the strength.
"Stefan, I want you to kill me."
Stefan burst through the door of the Salvatore Manor, and he found Damon, as expected, spread out on the leather couch in the living room, half-naked and with a glass of hard liquor in his hand, eyes cubes clanking in it.
"I told you to stay away from her!" Stefan shouted.
That got Damon's attention but not for long. He looked at his brother and smiled lazily. It was evident he had just fed – there was this calm ecstatic arousal on him.
"Who are you on about? Are you interested in women after all?" Damon asked. He had closed his eyes and turned away, so Stefan went to stand in front of him so he couldn't be ignored.
"You know exactly who I'm talking about! Elena! She told me you attacked her last night."
Damon opened his eyes, and rose his eyebrows slightly, but his mind was somewhere not here.
"Oh, yeah. That one. So what if I wanted to scare her a little?"
"She's my friend. And you telling everyone you're a vampire without compelling her is not good for me. I will have to leave Mystic Falls again, and all because of you."
Damon smiled sinisterly. "Maybe I think Mystic Falls is not the right place for you."
"I don't care what you think. You're the one who never leaves me alone."
The smile disappeared. Damon's face hardened, although he still tried to keep his tone nonchalant. "If I'm not here, who's going to take care of my little brother?"
"I don't need you to take care of me. You're always ruining everything for me." And you're always killing off my lovers, he wanted to add but knew that would only make Damon angry. "But this, this is important for me. I feel like this is home. For the first time in my life, I feel like I belong somewhere."
Damon snarled. "Oh yes, in this day and age they're very fond of the queers."
"Yes. And I can be who I am here. Without hiding."
Damon watched him. The ecstasy was wearing off and he was getting serious again. This was a perfect middle when he wasn't manic any longer but hadn't entered his furious phase just yet. Stefan could use that to talk some sense into him.
"Well, not all of you," Damon added.
"And that is enough for me," Stefan said. No matter how Damon acted in front others or even how cruel he wanted to seem to his brother, Stefan knew all Damon ever did was for him. And for fun, of course, because that's Damon. "Please, Damon. You may not like it here but don't ruin this life for me. Promise me you won't do anything that could expose me." Stefan knew he had to be careful wording his thoughts when he was speaking with Damon; even a slightly imposing tone could send him into a bloody murder rampage.
Damon stood up and downed all that was left of his drink. "Fine, little brother. I promise, I won't get in your way. And you won't get in mine."
He was about to leave but something about the way he said it gave Stefan a bad feeling.
"And you must stay away from Elena. You mustn't talk to her or follow her anywhere or get into her home again. Okay? She's in a really fragile state right now."
As he said the last bit, he knew he made a mistake from the way Damon's eyes glimmered with devilish fire. That same sinister smile appeared again.
"Oh, that I can't promise you. Stay out of my way, remember?"
When Elena came back home, alone and all by herself, feeling drained from the day at school, all she wanted to do was get to bed. After dropping her at the school parking lot Stefan left and skipped all the classes today; he must've been angry at her for what she asked, and she couldn't blame him for it. His absence made her feel only worse.
Water and bed. That's what she needed.
But she wasn't granted that salvation.
"Aren't you supposed to be at work?" she asked her aunt Jenna when she saw her in the kitchen – that almost gave her a heart attack but she tried to play it cool.
Jenna looked worried and suspicious; she looked Elena up and down and Elena began wondering what she could've done to make her aunt like that.
"Aren't you supposed to be at school?"
"Classes are over."
Jenna stared at her for a long moment, looking for something, trying to see something underneath Elena's normal teenager mask.
"Elena… How have you been feeling lately?"
How could I have been feeling? I shouldn't even be here.
"Why are you asking this?" She sounded so much like Elena's therapist and that made her furious.
Jenna sighed and rubbed her temples. She seemed exhausted.
"I know this is hard. It is hard for me, too. And I think maybe this was too much for you. it would've been better for you to take the year off and—"
"What? No!"
"—and heal properly. That month in the hospital must've not been enough for you to deal with all the trauma you've experienced."
Elena started to shake but she was trying to hide it.
"Where are you getting these ideas from?"
Jenna's expression grew dark.
"Stefan came while you were at school," she said.
Oh no. Oh no no no.
Elena swallowed. "What did he want?"
"He said he was worried about you. And told me to talk to you about… the problems you've been having."
"Jenna, I'm fine."
Jenna squeezed her lips together. "Your friends are worried about you. I am worried about you. if you've been feeling… like you want to hurt yourself, you need to talk to me. I don't know what you told Stefan, but it scared him. I swear I haven't seen that kid so scared. He cares about you. We all do."
Elena cast her eyes down. "I know. I'm sorry."
Jenna sighed. "There is absolutely nothing for you to feel sorry for." She walked toward Elena, wanting to hug her. But Elena shied away. If they hugged, Jenna would sense her shaking. But Jenna didn't draw back. She hugged her.
"Oh, sweetie," she whispered when she felt it. The hug was long and uncomfortable. "I think we should continue your weekly therapy sessions."
Elena looked away. "You know I hate them."
"We'd find you a better therapist."
Elena scoffed, "In Mystic Falls? I sincerely doubt it."
"Well, maybe we could get you back to the hospital, you'd take a year off school—"
"No!" Elena yelled. She surprised herself with all that energy coming from her. If she'd have to stay in that hospital again, she'd actually jump off the roof. "Anything but that hospital. Therapy it is."
Finally, when she convinced Jenna she wasn't all that suicidal (she also had to show her wrists and thighs which was always more or less a humiliating experience) Elena could finally go to her room. She put her water bottle next to her bed so she could drink it when she got thirsty.
She lay in bed without changing into her loungewear. She closed her eyes, wanting to disappear. She begged for sleep. It didn't come. When she tried to think of something peaceful to calm her shaking body, nothing came to mind. Instead, Damon's face showed up in her mind's eye. His red eye whites, his fangs, his pitch-black hair, ocean blue eyes, his predatory stance, the way he grabbed her…
Suddenly she got an idea. Stefan wasn't the only vampire in Mystic Falls after all. Not everything is lost. Not yet.