A/N Everything you recognize belongs to Janet Evanovich. Thank you to Kathy's amazing beta skills, Heather for all her sound advice and encouragement and Lisa who did a little of both! A huge Thank You to the readers, you guys make all the hard work worth it!

~Chapter 21

***Dec 17

In Atlantic City

RPOV

I arrive at the hotel and begin talking to the front desk. I show them my credentials and tell them that Edna Mazur is an FTA. No one remembers her. They get multiple senior bus trips weekly so no one stands out. I knew it was a long shot. It's going to take a lot of man hours to review the hacked video surveillance tapes. It would have been so much easier if I could have convinced Edna to let me speak to her. I let out a breath. I walk around Atlantic City for hours. I have Pedro working full time on this and he's currently looking for hospitals in the area that have reported births from as far back as Nov 1st through Dec 13 since I found out that Stephanie had our daughter. I still don't know how she pulled off the abortion hoax. Recently, I had Pedro re-check and her record is still there. According to them, she terminated her pregnancy on May 17th. I take a minute to soak up that relief. There's not much of that in my life anymore. I know it will be short-lived if I never get the chance to make it up to them. I go door to door with all the local businesses and show them Edna's, Stephanie's and Ava's photo. This gets me nothing but I can't sit around waiting.

I'm sitting in my room exhausted. It's after 10:00 and I call it a day. Bits of her message have popped into my head. 'I want nothing from you' and 'I don't need you anymore' tear at my heart. I want everything from her. I need her always. That thought now comforts me. I ran from it ever since I met her. I used to think it made me weak. Now I know better.

As if I have summoned her from my subconscious, I get a call from my mother. I debate on answering but quickly decide to. She's usually a great comfort and I definitely need some of that right now.

"Hola Mama"

"How are you mi hijo?" .

"I'm fine. I'm in Atlantic City. I got a lead on Stephanie. I have some big news, are you sitting down?"

"Si, what is it?" she asks shakily. She knows all of what has happened and even though she didn't show me she was disappointed in me, I knew she must be. She still supported me though. She still loves me. That gave me comfort, more than I can say.

"I found out a couple of days ago that Stephanie didn't have the abortion. She tricked everyone." I say and pause to let Mama digest that.

"What? Does that mean? She had the baby?" my Mama asks, stunned.

"She had a little girl. I don't know any of the details. I'm looking for them now. I want them back so bad Mama. She's still hiding from me. I don't think she'll trust me again but I have to do everything I can to try." I tell her, too tired to mask the emotion in my voice.

"Oh Carlito. You'll find a way to get her to trust you. You just have to make her understand that you are not a threat to her. She probably doesn't know how you feel about her now. She thinks you may still want to take the baby from her," she says softly.

"She's a girl and she's probably only about a week or two old. I can't let another daughter go and I want Stephanie more than life itself."

"You have to make Stephanie believe that you are not going to take the baby away but there's more to it than that." She pauses. "You have to be willing to let them go. When you find her, you have to go with the old saying, "if you love someone you have to be willing to let them go..." She trails off and my gut clenches. I don't know how to let them go. It goes against every fiber of my being. I want to fight. I want to fight for her. I need to know they're safe. I need them in my life. I don't want to think of a life truly without them.

"I don't know if I can Mama." I whisper.

"Yes you can mi hijo. It's the only way she'll trust you again. The only way she'll know that you respect her. It's what's best for her. You can't make her keep running and hiding. She may find herself in a bad circumstance with no one to help her. I'm afraid you don't have a choice. She'll look at this as harassment. Does she even know the truth of what happened?"

"No. I haven't really spoken to her. I said one word before she hung up. Her grandmother is the only one that's talking to her. The rest of her family turned their backs. It's all my fault. It was sheer luck that I bumped into her grandmother and picked up her phone. That's where I saw the photo. Mama, she's beautiful. I can see a lot of Julie in her but I can also see a little of Stephanie. I feel like jumping out of my skin. This is worse than when I was tortured..."

"WHAT, you were tortured? When?" Mama interrupts.

"Mama. Not now. I'm fine. We're talking about what I'm going to do to get my girls back." I remind her. I hear her sigh over the phone.

"You have to think like her. You have to respect her and make her feel safe. Then you can throw yourself at her mercy. Just be careful you don't scare her away. If she's safe where she is, you don't want to make her run. She just had a baby. It's very difficult the first few weeks. She's probably sleep deprived and stressed," she says, her words not making me feel better.

"I'll try Mama. It's not like I have any other option." I say in defeat.

We chat for a few more minutes and I hang up. I know she's right. I can't force myself on her but letting her go isn't an option. A plan starts to form in my head. Knowing I have a plan and can begin to implement it tomorrow, helps me relax a bit. I fall asleep thinking of how I can get my Babe to forgive me.

***Dec 18

In Cape May

SPOV

As much as I wanted to worry about my stressful life, I was distracted by my schedule. I had to go to the marina today and add a new boat. That always takes a couple of hours. It's good for me but very time consuming when I have to incorporate what they can offer into the existing lineup of restaurants. I also have a brand new infant strapped to my chest.

When I get back, I'm busy with my daily routine and on top of that I'm getting ready for our California trip. Jason decided to take pity on me and fly here so he could help get us out to the West Coast. If will be a relief to get away. I'm nervous Ranger will show up at our door and try to take Ava away. I don't know much about custody battles to know how easy it is to take a child away from its mother but I don't want to find out, I think as I feed my little sweetheart. I just stare into her eyes and rub her head. I always love this time. Whenever I would see my sister nurse her children, she always looked like she had a hundred things she'd rather be doing. I guess if I had more than one little one running around, I may be in a hurry too. I hope not. I wouldn't give up this one on one time for anything.

I look around. I've already packed our stuff. It's easy to pack for a different climate and when you don't have a lot of stuff to pack and "when you can get by with onesies and pajamas." I say that last part out loud to my girl.

I look at Lex. "I got your ball" I tell him and his tail thumps on the ground. I already gave Sarah a list of the items we'll need; dog food, diapers and wipes. Stuff like that. There's no need to buy them here to carry out when we can buy them out there. The food is purchased at a Vet office but they have those out there so it's not a big deal. Sarah didn't seem to mind. She's just glad we're coming to her. She wouldn't have been able to get off long enough to fly to us and spend any time here.

Ava and I walk into the main house just in time to see Jason arrive.

"I thought I was picking you up from the airport." I tell him as he approaches arms out, to give me a hug in greeting. I stop him with a shake of my head and look toward Lex. I had already told him how protective Lex was but he apparently forgot.

"I caught a standby flight and didn't want to bother you. I Ubered here, no big deal." He gives his grandfather a hug before coming back to us.

"You weren't here the last time I came," he says to Ava who I had just placed her in her bouncy chair. "It's nice to meet you Ava. Such a beautiful little girl. Can I hold you?" He looks at her but asks me and I pick her back up and hand her over with a warning that I just fed her. I haven't had any firsthand experience with jostling a baby that has just eaten but I know what the books say and I want no part of that. Lex, who is always at my side, growls at Jason. I give Lex the command to let him know Jason is a friend. He stops growling but still seems to keep a close watch on him.

***Dec 19

The early morning flight out to LA was long but uneventful. Ava slept most of the way thank goodness. I was happy to have Jason along. I don't know how I would have managed watching Dr. King and Ava and Lex. She takes up all my time and arms carrying all the stuff that she needs. Thankfully Lex is a great traveler and is exceptionally easy. I don't need a leash but I have one just in case someone complains.

We arrive at Sarah's condo on the coast at 11:00am LA time and I'm exhausted. Thankfully Jason is up for a little Ava time so I can take a nap. Dr. King is also tired and takes a nap as well. Jason doesn't leave the condo, thankfully. I would have been nervous if he had taken her outside without me. I have all these motherly instincts now and that surprises me. I have become the lightest sleeper and I even like peas. I shake my head not know which one surprised me the most. There have been so many changes in me mentally, emotionally and physically. Ugh physically. That has been tough. I need to take off my baby weight and breastfeeding is helping, but it's not coming off fast enough. I have all of this extra skin and don't even get me started on the lack of abdominal muscles. I didn't even bring a bathing suit. No way am I putting on a bikini looking like this. When I get back home, I need to get serious.

We grab a quick lunch and spend the afternoon at the beach. Sarah took part of the day off so she could spend time with us but she has to work all day tomorrow. She only has scheduled time off here and there. She has been great with Ava. She always offers to hold her and play with her. I think she's trying to get her baby fix since she hasn't chosen that as her life plan, at least not yet. She still has time. Maybe if she makes senior partner. She also needs to find a partner. I don't think her life is conducive to dating. She loves what she does and at this point it's the right decision for her.

Later, I unpack my bag and pull out my phone. I have five missed calls and ten texts. Oh crap. I forgot my grandmother was getting her phone today and I bet she's been trying to get a hold of me. I don't recognize the number. When I read the texts I was sure it was her. I called her back. It's not late here but it's 10:30 pm in Trenton.

"Hello," she answers.

"Hi Grandma. I'm sorry I missed your call. We made it safely." I tell her, being vague on the details on purpose. Habit.

"Hi Claire. It's so good to hear your voice," she says and the use of my code name puts me on alert.

"Is this a bad time?"

"No, not really. I just don't want to disturb the neighbors in case anyone is LISTENING," she says, telling me that the apartment is probably bugged. This really pisses me off. What right do they have to invade my privacy? They have always tracked me but this is different, this isn't done to protect me. Even the tracking wasn't done to spy on me even though it felt like it sometimes. I let out an audible sigh.

"Well, I just wanted to let you know I'm safe. Give me a call sometime when we won't DISTURB anyone." I say letting the pissiness in my voice show at the end.

"Okay. I love you. I'm glad you're doing well," she says and I tell her the same. I'm pissed that Ranger is still interfering with my life even though I asked him to stay out. I make a plan for tomorrow to go to a hotel and call him. I want to get him out of my life for good.

***Dec 20

RPOV

I have been through this town ten times. I have yet to find a single person who saw Edna or Stephanie. We struck out on the hospitals and are widening the net. I can't search the birth certificates yet. There's a waiting period for them to be processed and my daughter is just too young. I feel like I'm missing her life and I can't do anything about it. I spoke to my attorney and am having the paperwork drawn up that forfeits my rights to my child with Stephanie. I don't have her name so it had to be written generically. I left the wording very simple so there would be no misunderstanding. I want Stephanie to know that I'm giving her full custody. I want her to not be afraid of me. Meanwhile, I got the numbered account this morning. It has five million dollars and no name. The only thing tying it to any one is the number. Once I give that to her, she can cash it out. If she transfers it, technically, I can trace it. It would take a serious tech wizard to hide it from me but I can't help that. I won't mention that since I have no desire to cast doubt that I mean this for anything other than to prove she can trust me. I want her to have the security that this money will afford. I wanted to give her more but most of my wealth is wrapped up in investments that can't be liquefied in days. I only had days to do this. Meanwhile, we're still putting pressure on Edna. I have to talk to my Babe again and she's the only link. I just hope she isn't angered by our continued presence in her life. She did flat out tell me to leave her grandmother alone.

I'm sitting in my car ready to drive to yet another shopping plaza outside of AC when the phone rings. The phone. Babe's phone.

"Babe?'

"I AM NOT YOUR BABE," she enunciates every word angrily.

"Please. I'm sorry." My words are met with silence so I continue. "Stephanie, I have to see you. I have to explain. Tell me where you are."

"What do you want from me? I assume you want to talk about my daughter. Sorry to disappoint, but I didn't like your options. I should thank you, I now know that I'm capable of so much more."

"Babe please..."

Click. Disconnect. I look at my phone. It goes back to the locked screen. Dammit! I resist the urge to slam the phone on the dash.

It rings again and I answer it quickly. "Call me Babe again and I'll hang up and disappear. The only reason I'm talking to you is to convince you to stop looking for me."

"Stephanie please. I'm so sorry..."

"I don't want to hear it. Stop harassing my grandmother and forget about us. We have nothing for you."

"I can't. I can't live like this. With this much regret. With this much loss..."

"You put me in this position. What did you expect?" deep breath "Listen, I need some time. This is harder than I thought it would be. I'll call you later. If you continue to harass my grandmother or trace the call then I'll destroy the phone and be forced into hiding. That won't be good for us so if you're truly sorry then you'll do what I ask." Disconnect.

I spend the next ten minutes breathing deeply. I wish I could trace the call. I have no doubt that I'd catch her before she'd know but I opted not to break the password. I didn't want to put her in jeopardy. I don't want anyone else knowing where she is. She and my daughter are safer this way. I continue to pound the pavement but now I know that she'll call soon. Hopefully, I'll be able to get her to meet with me so I can give her the legal documents.

I decide to leave AC and return to Trenton. If Babe is going to call me then I can try a different route. I focus now on trying to get Edna in my corner or at least not hate me as much as I deserve. At this point, I'll take anything.

I knock on her door for the second time in a week. I hear her behind the peep hole and again I'm met with silence.

"Please. I just want to tell you that I'm sorry for how I treated her." I say through the door. She opens the door and looks me right in the eye.

"Look, you say you're sorry and that's great but you need to stop forcing yourself on us, even if it's for an apology. You don't get to decide that we have to listen to your apology," she tells me, and that fact hits me between the eyes.

"I want to tell her that I'm giving up my rights to the baby legally. I don't want her to be scared of me. Scared that I'll take the baby away from her. Christ, I don't even know her name!" I say as I run a hand down my face. "I also want to give her money free and clear. I want to make sure she and the baby have everything they need. No strings attached. I just want them to be safe and happy, even if it's not with me in their lives. I know I screwed up. I know this is my fault. I want to apologize and explain how it all happened and hope that someday she'll forgive me. I hope that someday she'll let me in their lives but that's up to her. I get that."

Edna continues to stare at me. Finally her look softens and she unlocks the chain and opens the door. "She loved you. She was destroyed by what you did," she says and I feel worse. I look down.

"I know." I say simply. I don't want to defend myself. I don't want to minimize my wrongdoing. I deserve this.

"If you have a chance at getting her to listen to you, you're going to need to start with legally giving up your rights. She's terrified you're going to take the baby away from her. As for the money, she's happy where she is and she doesn't need nor want the money but the gesture is still worth it," she says and I'm sad that she doesn't let me know what the baby's name is but I'm glad she supports my plan. This is the only woman that has a connection to Stephanie right now and is a big influence on her. I really need her in my corner.

"I'm sorry I'm intruding on your life. I'm so desperate to talk to her so I can apologize. I'll remove the security detail on you. I'll also remove all tracking. I'm sorry. I went too far."

"Thank you," she says and adds, "Please remove all the bugs and cameras too" and I'm immediately impressed. She basically called me out on my generic tracing reference and knew that we had invaded her privacy much more than tracking where her car went.

"I will have a team come over to do that. I'll also leave you with a scanner so you can re-scan after we leave. I don't know where everything is. I could guess but I may not get them all." I say and she nods her head to agree. I turn to go out the door. I've been handed my ass and I'm not interested in sticking around for the discussion. We definitely underestimated her.

"Thanks." I tell her and I mean it. I hope that I can get Stephanie to listen and now maybe Edna won't remind her that I really fucked up.

SPOV

I spend the day playing, doing pretty much what I do in Jersey. Feed the baby, walk on the beach, care for Lex, nap and hang with Dr. King only now, it's nice weather and Jason and Sarah are here. The only exception is that we're all having lunch at a local place we could walk to. I have Ava in one of those pouches and she sleeps all nestled against my chest. I have a really small bag that has the supplies I need but as a minimalist would pack. I'm into carrying just what I need since my entourage consists of an infant, an emotionally traumatized dog and a slightly forgetful Grandpa. I need the flexibility to move and getting weighed down doesn't work in that scenario. I wouldn't trade this pack for anything though. I feel more a part of this family than I did my own. Sad, I know. These people accept me for who I am. No-one criticizes me when I mess up or compares me with someone else.

In between activities, I let the anger I have for Ranger surface. It really took me by surprise. I thought I didn't care about him anymore. I was dead wrong. It was the same emotion at everything he said. Anger. He is high if he thinks I'm going to tell him where I am. I don't feel guilty at all keeping hidden from that asshole. I feel myself getting worked up. I take a few cleansing breaths. I try to steady my heart rate. Maybe I should take up yoga again? I wonder if I can find a mommy and me yoga class? Something is nagging at my subconscious. I probably need to address this anger. It'll probably end up hurting me more if I don't. Maybe I should find a therapist so I don't inadvertently hurt Ava with my emotional baggage. I just don't like talking about my feelings and I certainly don't want to talk to a stranger. Right now, I have a bigger threat that I have to deal with first. I decide to take a stroll on the beach while Ava is sleeping against me. I walk to a touristy area and make a call. Hopefully, I'll be more successful in getting Ranger to give up the hunt.

"Tell me what you want Babe." His opening sentence pisses me off. Shit, here we go again.

"I want you to stop calling me Babe" disconnect. I take a deep breath and call back. The only reason I call him back is because I have a purpose. I need him to stop looking for me and harassing my grandmother.

"Okay. Okay I'll try. I still want to believe that you are my B..." deep breath "I don't want to think that you don't want me in your life anymore."

"I don't. I don't trust you. I don't trust that you won't try to take my child away. I know the resources you have. I know what you can do. I also don't want to be looking over my shoulder all the time."

"I would never try to take her away from you. I want you, both of you. I want us to be together. I want you to trust me again."

"I don't believe you. After your ultimatum you obviously thought I was trapping you into fatherhood. How can you even want me when you have such a low opinion of me?"

"I'm so sorry. I was angry. I was so hurt and I wasn't thinking clearly."

"Bullshit." I shout

"I was afraid. I was afraid and instead of admitting it, I got angry and lashed out."

"What were you afraid of? Getting trapped into marriage? Having a baby?"

"NO" he says with so much force I stop my comeback and listen. "I was afraid of how much you could destroy me if you would really betray me like that. I chose to be angry instead of being hurt and vulnerable. I have never been vulnerable to anyone. I would give you my money, my time but I was trying to hold back my heart. I didn't realize it at the time but it was already too late. You had my heart. You have my heart."

As he is saying the words that I had not allowed myself to wish for, I want to cry. I want to cry because I can't trust the words that I want so desperately to hear. I'm exhausted. Exhausted from the demands of motherhood, from my jobs, from worrying about Ranger finding us.

"I don't know how to trust you. I wanted so much to hear you say those words to me the night I told you about the pregnancy. I wanted so badly to hear those words then. Not anymore. It's too late. Too much has happened. I have someone else to consider now. She's my only priority. She's my life."

"Please Stephanie. Let me prove that you can trust me again."

"That 's just it. I don't know how I can. I have to go. Bye."

RPOV

"FUCK" I roar. I can't believe it. I bared my soul and she hung up on me again. Fear grips my heart as I lean back against my office chair. I'd just started to be able to focus on work and now I'm back to square one. All the hope I had for her softening as I explained everything to her has evaporated. What am I going to do if she doesn't believe me?

I practically live in the gym, I think as I change into my workout clothes. It's my only relief. When my body is exhausted enough, it shuts my brain down. That's the only thing that seems to work. Alcohol works too but that's a one way ticket to being sidelined. I'm not going down that road again.

All the men here are using the gym more as well. Even though I was the catalyst, there's guilt to go around. Manny shunned her when she dropped off her resignation. Ramon and Zip refused to help her when she was sideswiped by the assholes. Hector and the rest of us who invaded her privacy to get false or misleading information. Hector couldn't deal and quit, adding to my guilt. All of it was a clusterfuck of epic proportion. I keep going back to the fact that I wouldn't even let her speak that night. How would this have played out if I would have just listened to her? Would I have treated her like Rachel? I never loved Rachel and we only got married for Julie. But Rachel was young and her parents demanded it. What would Stephanie have wanted? Would she have worked here doing searches? What was she like pregnant? Was she moody? Did she have weird cravings? I couldn't imagine her waddling around the building eating donuts and acting all emotional. Fuck! I slammed my fist into the bag again ignoring the pain in my hand.

Bobby warned me that I need to take it easy. I have broken my metacarpal bones in the past and the image of Morelli's face appears in my head. He accounts for one of the fractures. Hawaii. I smile a little at that. That fight was a long time in coming. I deserved it and because of that, I let him get a few hits in. I was about to end the fight when Stephanie walked up and tased him. She saved him from a worse injury. I remember coming to and the realization she tased me too had me pissed. On the ride home, I worked through my anger and realized that I was more irritated that our little honeymoon was over than actually being pissed at either Steph or Morelli. I tried hard to put it out of my head. I went back to pushing her for a physical relationship convincing myself it was just the sex I missed. I didn't care at all whether she was 'on' with Morelli or not. That makes me a bastard. I shake my head and switch to the rowing machine. Nothing like pushing every major muscle group to get the emotional thoughts out of your head.

Bobby eyes me from the corner. Christ, he probably has a tranq gun in strategic locations around the building ready to take me down. He approaches as I slow down, my muscles screaming with fatigue.

"Hey, you okay man?" he asks.

A clipped "fine" is my reply.

"Have you heard anything from Steph?" he asks hesitantly.

Fuck. I don't feel like having this conversation but I know the guys are concerned. If I don't talk to him then he'll call the shrink and have him living here again.

"She called. She doesn't trust me. I tried to apologize and she doesn't want to hear it. I didn't even get to tell her that I'm willing to give her full custody." I admit.

"Sorry man. She'll come around. Just keep trying," he says encouragingly and I appreciate him for it. I take it for what it is and reply with a thanks as I finish my cool down. My arms and legs feel the bulk of the fatigue and I'm not safe to continue with resistance training so I hit the showers and head up to Seven. I barely taste my dinner and I knew I wouldn't so I hadn't bothered to warm it up. I sit at my desk computer and run searches. It's a lesson in futility though. Even if I found her at this point showing up where she is would make her more angry. I hate not being in control.

***Dec 21

I'm eating a quick lunch in my office trying to focus on paperwork when the phone rings. It's her! I move papers on my desk to find what I'm looking for.

"Hello." I say once I find the number.

"Hello." is her terse response. I decide to just plow ahead. I want to move forward with Edna's advice but I don't have proof of that yet. I haven't gotten the paperwork back from my attorney. It's due sometime this afternoon.

"Do you have a pen? Can you write this number down?" I ask and she doesn't respond so I start reading off the number. "That's a numbered bank account that I set up for you. It's only identifiable with that number so don't lose it. It has five million dollars in it. You can transfer it or cash it out. It's out of Grand Cayman but you don't have to go there. I won't be able to trace it once you start moving it around. I want you and the baby to have financial security." I pause to let her comment. When she doesn't say anything, I continue.

"This is only part of what I'm offering. I'm having my attorney draw up the paperwork for termination of parental rights. I don't know her name but I'm having them write it up so broadly that it will include all children of mine. I'm not doing this because I don't want her. Opposite in fact. I want to be a part of her life. I'm doing it so you won't be scared of me. I'm doing it so you don't have to hide from me. I'm doing it so maybe someday you'll trust me again." I pause again to let her speak. When she doesn't I continue. "I have also pulled the security detail on your grandmother. I'm trying to respect your wishes. I love you Stephanie and I'm so sorry I treated you so badly. I was wrong. I had bad information and I was scared. I realized my mistake and have been desperate to find you. I understand that you may never be able to forgive me but I can't let you continue to be scared of me. I'll do anything for you." I say, letting my emotions in my voice.

Several minutes go by and I look at the phone to make sure we're still connected.

"I want the termination paperwork," she whispers. I let out a breath. It sounds bad on the surface but I know in my heart this is what has to be done. If she wouldn't have asked then there was no chance of seeing her or my baby.

"My attorney is drawing it up as we speak. I should have it in hand by the end of the day. I'll get it notarized and it'll be official."

"How am I supposed to get it from you? I need the original. How do I know that you won't just grab her and leave me with nothing?"

"You have my word that I won't take her from you. I do want to see her. Meet her and if you are willing, be a part of her life. Yours too. I know you're not going to believe this but I've changed. I'm not the same man I was back in May. All of this happened because.."

"Stop! I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear why you gave me the ultimatum. Why you left me with no options. Why I had to fake an abortion and disappear. Why I had to go through an entire pregnancy feeling so alone. Thank God I found a new family."

"I'm sorry Stephanie."

"I'm sorry too. I don't know how to get the paperwork from you without giving away who I am or where I live," she says and I feel a stab to my heart. She still doesn't trust me.

"Can we meet somewhere?" I ask her. "I promise, I'll give you your privacy. I'm respecting your wishes. I want to meet her, if you'll let me. I want you to be okay with it though. I know I don't deserve it with everything I've done. The minute I saw her photo I can't even begin to tell you how relieved I was. Thinking you had the abortion was weighing on my soul. Knowing that I caused it. Well, I had a hard time dealing with that." I admit.

"I'll think about what I want to do. I'll call you later to let you know what I decide."

"We can meet at my cabin in Maine. It's private and secure, so I can come alone. Maybe for Christmas? I would love to tell you how everything went. Let you hear the whole story. There are a lot of people besides me that are truly sorry for what we've done. It's up to you though. You can use the money from the account I gave you to have an army of guards so you'll feel safe around me." I say that last part to reassure her, despite the pain it gives me. I'm not about to fuck this up but she doesn't know that. "I'm trying for your forgiveness. I won't go against what you want. You have my word."

"I'll call you later," she says and hangs up. The abrupt ending of the call has left me feeling anxious. How many times has she asked me if saying 'goodbye' would kill me and I brushed it off. I let out a breath. I tried my hardest and the ball is in her court. I take comfort in the fact that at least I got to say everything I wanted to say. Everything she needed to hear. Well, except that I love her. I wanted to tell her that but I feared it would just anger her at this point so I decided against it.

SPOV

It's 9:00am and I just got back to the condo and Sarah was just coming out of her bedroom.

"Hey" I say.

"Good morning. How was your walk?" she asks.

"Great. Lex and Ava had a ball." I wait a few seconds to drop the bomb.

"I talked to Ranger." I say and she frowns. Over the past several months, I have shared every last detail with her. She's sorta like my therapist except she hates his guts as much as I do. It was nice to be able to tell someone. She was too busy hating him to help me sort through my feelings and do the hard stuff like forgiving him or accepting my situation. Nope. I stayed angry. Maybe it's time to let my anger go? I fill her in on the details of our talk.

"Well," she says, stunned. "It seems the asshole has done a 180." She makes me smile. She's definitely an 'I'm on your side' kinda girl.

"I think it's time to forgive him and move on with my life. It would be great not to have to hide anymore. I really hate the worry that forces me to stay hidden."

"You seriously want to forgive him?" she asks incredulously.

"I was watching Dr. Phil and he's the expert on this kind of thing. He says that we need to forgive for ourselves. It doesn't mean we forget or put ourselves in that situation again but we let go of the hate and anger. I'm so tired of the hate and anger. I push it down but it re-surfaces and takes me by surprise by the sheer magnitude of it. Plus when I look at Ava's sweet little face, I see him. I can't let my anger for him touch Ava even a little." I take a deep breath. Who knew that I would finally grow up? That this impulsive attitude filled Jersey girl would be the voice of reason.

Sarah was looking at me thoughtfully. "I guess you're right. But I hate that that asshole gets a pass."

"He's not getting a pass. Just because I forgive him doesn't mean he wasn't an asshole. There's no disputing that. It just means that I'm not going to let it eat away at me. It means that someday, I can think of Ava's father and not want to break something. Oh, by the way ... Lex broke your vase on your side table. His tail and well ... I wasn't being careful..." I trail off. "I'll pay for it." I add.

"It's okay. I don't have any attachment to anything in this place. I work. I sleep and I work some more. I don't even know what the vase looks like," she says and gives me a hug. "I think you're being very strong about this. Just follow your heart. It knows what you need," she says and I tear up.

"Thank you for being here for me. Thank you for supporting me. I couldn't have done this without you." I say as we let go and I wipe the tears that have fallen.

"Okay, how about we get Gramps and Jason and find us some breakfast?" she asks, lightening the mood."I feel like some biscuits and gravy, how about you?

We spend the rest of the day sightseeing and eating out. I love how close to the shopping areas she is. Unfortunately she doesn't have a lot of time to enjoy these things with her schedule but that's the trade off. If she didn't work so much she couldn't afford this beautiful place with its awesome location.

I thought long and hard about Ranger's offer. I mentally made a pro and con list for meeting him in Maine. If I went there from here then my home in NJ would stay hidden. Would he be able to find our name on a plane manifest? Yes. How many women fly with an infant and a dog. Could I abandon my new family at Christmas? Am I going to let him meet Ava? That one is the easiest to answer. I don't want to be the one to keep Ava away from her father. If he is willing then I want to encourage that. As much as I hate him, I love Ava more. As long as he doesn't hurt her then I see no reason to separate them. Can I trust him not to hurt her? Take her? He really seemed sincere with everything he said. He always told me he was an opportunist but he did walk into my apartment unarmed against Scrog. That was for his daughter. Only someone who truly loved his child would do that. He also gave up his rights where she was concerned. I know that was the toughest thing he ever did but he did it for her safety. How could someone who feels like that could have given me that ultimatum? It really doesn't fit with who I know him to be. So who is he? Is he the asshole or the knight in shining armor? Maybe a little of both? Yin and Yang.

It is getting late so I slip out with just Lex. Ava is napping, as is Dr. King. Jason and Sarah are good with Ava. Even though they have no experience with babies and have no plans to change that, they have really stepped up as Aunt and Uncle.

I take the ball and walk to the beach with Lex. We play all his favorite games. He is truly the example of love and loyalty. I used to love like that. That thought makes me sad. I have come to the conclusion that I want to meet Ranger in Maine. I'm certainly not going to step foot in Trenton and anywhere else will require back up for him. I talked to Sarah more this afternoon and she encouraged me to meet him. She thought about it and agrees that it'll be good for me to forgive him and stop hiding. She also offered to help me get out if anything goes wrong. I'm supposed to check in with her several times a day. I continue to play with Lex as the sun dips down below the ocean. It's so beautiful seeing the sunset. As an East Coast girl, I'm used to sunrises. They're both pretty spectacular. I put the slobbery ball in my pocket and Lex is at my side instantly. I pull out my phone for the second time that day and push in the number I wasn't able to forget.

"Hello." He answers on the 4th ring, a little breathless.

"Is this a bad time?" I ask.

"No. I wanted to take this in my apartment so I ran up the stairs," he explains and I look at my watch. It's 10:30pm back in Trenton so I wonder if he's been working this late. I mentally berate myself for being concerned.

"I've thought about what I want and I will meet you at your cabin in Maine. I'll get a new burner phone and text you what we need. I travel as light as I can these days since I have an infant and a dog. Everything I need will be on the list. You can text me back the address to where I'm going." If he was surprised about the dog, he didn't show it. I imagine him sitting at his kitchen island with his blank face.

"Did you move the money?" he asks.

"I don't want your money, I never did."

"I know that now. But, the only way you can trust me is to take the money. Knowing you have an option to defend against me is the only proof that I can think of that will make you believe that I'm not going to try to take her away from you. Hell, you can have all of it. I'll give you everything I have, I just want you and my daughter in my life. Please Stephanie, I'll take whatever you'll give me!"

There's a long silence. Ranger asks "What's her name?"

"Ava Claire. I'll text you when I have the phone. You can respond with the address. I can be there tomorrow night." I say and then disconnect. It will be very difficult and expensive to get across the country with so little notice but it will also be safer. Ranger won't have much time to plan something if he's not going to live up to his promises.

RPOV

Ava Claire is on repeat in my head. I have a daughter named Ava. Ava Manoso works its way to the surface. Pull yourself together, I admonish. She agreed to meet me and I have so much to do. That gets me moving. I mentally list all the things that need to be done before I can leave. I have to see Ella. I look at my watch and wonder if I should wake her. This is an emergency so I take the stairs down a flight and knock on her door. Louis opens the door and allows me in.

"I need to talk to Ella." I say. "Sorry this couldn't wait." I add as an explanation to why I'm here so late. I wait as he gets her and I'm relieved that she has not gone to bed yet.

"Is everything okay, sobrino?" She asks, looking worried.

"Everything is fine. I talked to Steph and she's agreed to meet me. She's coming to a house I own in Maine tomorrow. I will write down the address. She's going to text me a list of everything she and the baby will need. She even has a dog. Anyway, I need more than that. It's very remote and I need Christmas decorations and baby furniture. All of it has to be delivered and set up tomorrow. I want to drive and I'm leaving here in a couple of hours. I want everything to be perfect for her." I say in a rush. "I'm going to get to see my daughter. Her name is Ava Claire." I say, happy for the first time in over 7 months.

"Oh my dear! I'm so happy for you!" she responds with a hug and a kiss to my cheek. "I hope you work everything out. I'll get started right away. Now go so I can get to work. I know just what you need," she says and shoos me out of the apartment.

Tank decided to come with me so I didn't need to sleep. He's driving so I plan to sleep in the truck. Tank can crash after he flies back home. By the time we leave, I hadn't gotten Stephanie's list yet so we will be stopping at stores when we get closer.

The closer we get, the more excited I become. I relish in the hopeful feeling that has replaced the dark and desolate attitude from before. It's amazing that one little girl from the Burg can be the source of all my happiness.

SPOV

I make a quick trip to the store and buy a new burner phone while getting supplies for the trip to Maine. I know the phone will be able to be traced to the place it was sold and Hector can hack into their CCV but it doesn't matter, I'm away from home and I'm going to see Ranger tomorrow night anyway. My plan is to leave the new phone in California with Sarah and forward all calls from it to my old phone. If he traces the new phone number it'll be in Cali. The old phone number has pinged cell towers around Cape May and that's what I want to avoid him finding out. I asked Sarah to conceal it in a storage closet in her friend's office building. The building belongs to another law firm and it houses many different businesses and is next to impossible to link to Sarah or me.

I already have the list I texted to Sarah so I just had to tweak a few things. I will send it off tomorrow and hurry home. I have to power the phone off in case he sent back the address. I didn't want the cell towers to be able to locate Sarah's place when it receives an incoming text. I'm pretty proud of myself for putting safeguards in place to keep us protected until I get my hands on that notarized document. Once I have it, I plan to send a copy out to Sarah so she can have it checked to make sure it's enforceable. The only risk I'm taking is if he were to just take her and disappear. I don't think that's much of a risk though. He would have to sacrifice Rangeman, his reputation and his family. I can't see him choosing Ava, who he didn't even want to begin with, over everything else in his life. Plus, five million would be quite a nice reward to encourage more people to search. I think I'm okay.

When we go out for a late dinner away from her condo, I power the phone on and see that he has sent me the address. It's mailing address is Bar Harbor, Maine. I'm not at all familiar with Maine so I'll have to Google it later. I'll need to arrange travel but I want to decide on my best option once I know where everything is. He once offered his cabin as a safe house. I couldn't imagine being that far away from civilization and he made it sound like it was in the middle of nowhere. That feels like it was a million years ago. I take a breath and think about how much my life has changed, how I have changed since then. I definitely need to make sure to document everything and keep everyone up to speed on where I am, just in case.