A/N Everything you recognize belongs to Janet Evanovich. Thank you to Kathy's amazing beta skills, Heather for all her sound advice and encouragement and Lisa who did a little of both! A huge Thank You to the readers, you guys make all the hard work worth it!

~Chapter 22

***Dec 22

I finally arrive at the Cabin at 8:30 at night. It was very hard to find the driveway and we had to turn around more than once. It looked like we were pulling onto an abandoned path in the woods, thick with trees, no more than just a clearing. There's snow remnants on the ground giving the area a peaceful look. After about ten minutes of winding travel, the cabin comes into view. I was expecting a small log cabin nestled into the woods. This is not at all what I pictured. When I Googled the address, I was shown a small structure and this is definitely not it. What sits before me is spectacular. It's made from logs and stone. I quickly hide my expression of awe. I'm not here to relax and enjoy the woods. I'm here to get the single document that will ensure that I don't have to hide my identity anymore. I thought a lot about that on the plane ride here. I don't ever want to be Stephanie Plum again. I like my new life. I love the people in it. I love that I'm not the screw-up or the scapegoat. If I can just forgive Ranger, then I can shed the darkness weighing on my soul. I'll be free to be who I want to be. Have a new life. Ava's mom is just one title I expect to have.

I look over at Ava. She's sleeping now but not for long. Soon she'll be wide awake since she slept so much on the plane and in the Uber. It's been a long trip and I'm beat. Not the best facing Ranger like this but there's nothing I can do now. Ranger must have been watching because he was out the front door as soon as the car stopped. My breath catches in my throat. I quickly push whatever that was down. Fear? Shock? I pay the driver with my app. Ranger helps the driver get the rest of my things from the back including the lightweight travel stroller I got for this trip.

I spare another quick glance at Ranger and he seems different. I can't quite place what it is. I guess we've both changed a lot in the last year. I know my physical appearance has changed as well as my attitude. Self consciousness rears its ugly head and I push it down with disgust. I'm a mom now, I have more important things to worry about than what I wear or how I look.

He's dividing his time between staring at me and Ava as I lift her out of the backseat. I had already opened the door to let Lex jump out and he goes on instant alert. Okay, so I may have given him the command for that. Ranger's attention immediately moves to him. I know I have to introduce him to Lex but I'm hesitant. I like the layer of protection Lex will give me but I can't keep Lex in guard mode the entire time we're here. Ranger thankfully keeps his distance probably knowing how protective GSD are and busies himself by picking up everything but the stroller. I watch the driver leave and say a last minute prayer that I didn't just make the biggest mistake of my life. Before I set Ava down I zip her car seat cover a little more so she's protected from the weather. It was fully unzipped in the car. I wanted her to still be visible yet not overly cold from the trip into the house. After a brief pause, I double back to get the stroller.

"I'll come back for that," he says breaking the silence, our first words spoken.

"It's no big deal. I'm used to carrying more than just her." I reply as I fold up the stroller to carry with the strap. It's not very heavy and I can carry it without blinking. "Just add pack mule to my job description now." I add, trying to hide my growing nervousness. I hope this doesn't backfire on me. I really want that signed document and hope that he isn't playing some sort of game. I take a deep breath and introduce my daughter to him.

RPOV

Stephanie pulled up at 2027 in a newer model Rav4. I knew as soon as they turned off the highway she was here. I own almost all the property on this side of the mountain and I have the road wired. I can see all the way to the coast from this spot and I put my cabin here for that reason. There are a couple of lots that I couldn't get my hands on because they belong to families that have handed their properties down to their children and grandchildren. They've been approached several times by my attorneys but so far have refused my offers. I'm waiting by the car while Stephanie pays her fare while I try to take in as much as I can. She looks different. Her crazy hair was one of the first things you notice about her, not anymore. It looks tame, and blonde. Part of her unique look was the brown curls with her piercing blue eyes. Either her hair should have been lighter to match her eyes or her eyes should have been darker to match her hair. Now, she looks more traditional. I miss the curls that added to her uniqueness and made her stand out. Her mannerisms are the same but she has a more mature countenance. Gone is the carefree Stephanie that was full of life. I'm now watching a cautious responsible adult that is taking charge of herself and her infant.

When she opens the door, I'm a little shocked to see a German Shepherd jump out of the back seat. I was expecting a lab or retriever, not one that has a top ten bite strength. She gives him a command in German that I know to be "guard". She gives me a look that tells me to wait. I have been around enough dogs in the military to know that you should never approach a dog or the people they are protecting, especially with one under guard command. I just watch as she gets back in to unlatch my little girl. I'm nervous. This is a very foreign emotion to me and I'm not quite sure what to do. I decide to let Steph call the shots and follow her lead, not that I have any choice, I think wryly.

I'm momentarily stunned as she pulls out the infant car seat and see her sling it over one elbow as if it weighs nothing. I glance down at her body and don't see very much change. Little subtle differences like larger breasts and a softness around her waist tell me that she has just given birth. I have been around enough pregnant women to know what happens to women and I can appreciate the difficulty it is to get back in shape and the little time she probably has for it being a single mom. A stab to my gut comes with the thought that I'm the reason she has to struggle with single parenthood. Before my dinner can make a reappearance, I shift my thoughts on how good it is to see her and I carefully disguise my glances and look at her with more detail. Within a minute, we have all her belongings out of the car and the driver leaves. I had planned to smile and welcome her but the smile died on my lips as I focused on her left ring finger. Seated there looking at home was a plain silver wedding band. My world stopped spinning.

"Hello Ranger," she says as she looks at her hand and realizes that I have probably noticed the ring. She offers no explanation for it and lifts the carrier higher and says, "this is Ava Claire, my daughter" holding her up and moving the thick cover over more to reveal a beautiful sleeping little girl. "And this is Lex. He's a trained military dog so please DO NOT approach him without my command. He's rather protective and is capable of deadly force," she adds, gesturing to the dog standing between me and my girls. He's still as a statue waiting for her next command.

The fact that she introduces Ava as her daughter and not our daughter is telling. I have a lot of work to do to make this right and grilling her about a wedding ring is weirdly not at the top of the list. If I blow this by demanding answers or by demanding she listen to me I'll send her back into hiding and that is an unacceptable outcome. I refocus my attention on my daughter. I have memorized every detail of her face from the photo I have seen but nothing prepares me for the in-person view. I stop breathing as I just stare at her. I have made no move toward them since I'm quite sure Lex would take issue with that and consider it an aggressive action. I have my work cut out for me. Not only do I have to earn back Stephanie's trust, I have to earn the respect of her new protector and figure out what the hell that wedding ring means. Fuck!

"It's cold so I need to get her inside. Is that okay?" she asks and it snaps me out of my trance.

"Of course." I manage to say as I look around to make sure we have everything, marveling once again that Steph managed this on her own. That snapped me out of my trance, I had been standing there just staring at each of them in turn. She gave the command to follow and I led everyone up the steps and into the cabin.

When we enter, Steph puts the carrier down and starts to unbuckle my little girl. I'm first struck with how small she is. I have been around babies before but have always avoided holding them when they were this little. She doesn't offer to let me hold her and I'm mixed with disappointment and relief. I'm still suffering from muteness so all I can do is follow her into the cabin's main open room. She moves back and forth with Ava while rhythmically patting her on the back. I have seen this stance before and recognize it as a necessary action to keep a baby sleeping.

"Were you able to get the things I asked for?" she asks me and I tell her, "Yes. Ella helped me get everything and I got here a little early to set everything up."

"What was there to set up? I didn't have anything on the list that required assembly." she asks.

"I know but I didn't want Ava sleeping in a pack 'n play when a crib would be better. I also had to get a changing table and a rocker. I have her set up in the nursery. It's this way." I say starting toward the hallway with the bedrooms. "I gave you the master right next door so you can be close to her." I say, happy that my tongue finally loosened enough to get words out. I open the door to usher her in while Lex quite expertly positions himself between me and my girls.

She places Ava down in the crib on her back. I have read three baby books and know that the experts agree that it's the safest position. I point out all of the things I got and Steph seems irritated that I went to such extremes.

"We're only going to be here for a maximum of three days. We don't need all this stuff," she says, gesturing to the entire room. I have to push down my disappointment that she doesn't accept this as the loving gesture I meant but I understand. I pretty much forced her into hiding to be able to keep my child. I just keep focusing on the fact that I'm lucky to have them here. I look around and do see that maybe I went over the top a bit. I'm hoping this will be a place to come back together as a family in the near future but I see now that I'm getting ahead of myself. I have one chance at this. I can't fuck it up.

She walks to the door but before she leaves she gives Lex the guard command again. I want to touch Ava but as I approach, I hear the unmistakable warning from Lex that I need to keep my hands to myself. I heed the warning and follow Stephanie out of the room. "I'll show you to your room." I tell her.

"I can stay with Ava," she offers, but I tell her I have the master already set up for her. She heads back to the foyer and picks up her bag. I show her to the master and she mutters a quick, "Everything is beautiful" before letting me know by holding the door open for me to exit. If I had any expectations we would start being a family this weekend, I would have been sorely disappointed. Good thing I didn't.

I hear the shower and figure Steph is getting ready for bed. I open the door to the nursery as quietly as I can hoping Lex was sleeping on the job. Not the case. A low growl told me he probably knew I was at the door before I even touched the handle. I continue pacing. The sound of Ava crying has me in a quandary. I want to go to her and pick her up but Lex will probably attack me if I do. I don't have to consider how bad a dog attack would be when I hear Steph's door open and she strides out in flannel pants and a tee shirt. She breezes past me and into the nursery.

"She's hungry, when I'm done feeding her, I'll bring her out to meet you. She'll be awake for a few hours before I feed her one last time before bed.

"Can I help?" I ask hoping there is something I can do.

"Not unless you can grow breasts and start lactating," she retorts. I stop at the door and watch as she picks up a wailing Ava and comforts her. She calms down as soon as she picks her up and begins to suck on her fists. Her hair is dark and silky like mine and her skin tone is a shade lighter. All in all, she looks more like me than Steph. The only thing that I see of Steph is her nose. We won't know about her eyes but chances are they are going to darken to my color. I can only hope they will stay blue. I love Steph's eye color. I was hoping for a little Stephanie clone but that hope is unrealistic.

My only saving grace is that she and Julie will look like sisters. I can't wait to tell her about her little sister. I didn't share with her any of the bad stuff when I was a fool. Julie knows that Steph left but not why. I'll have a lot of anger to deal with from her when she finds out what I did. I was hoping there would be a happy ending to soften the blow. Now I'm too afraid to hope. Steph has arranged herself in the rocker with Ava on the Boppy in a football hold, yes, I'm proud that I recognize the breastfeeding positions.

"Can we have a little privacy?" Steph asks me, and I experience a surprisingly big letdown. I know I shouldn't expect to be welcomed into their lives this soon but I really want to be with them. No, need, I have this inexplicable need to be with them. I'm afraid to be rejected so soon so I reluctantly close the door. I lean my head forward to rest on the wooden panel as soon as it latches in place, not caring that she probably knows exactly what I'm doing. I have no standing in this relationship. I'm 100% at her mercy and she probably knows it.

After about twenty minutes, I stand up hearing noises that let me know that they are finishing up with what they were doing. I'm standing right outside the door waiting which seemed to surprise Stephanie. Lex on the other hand will never be surprised by where I'm.

"Did you want something to eat? I have a lot of prepared meals plus I got all of your favorites. I have Tastykakes and ice cream. I have fresh fruits and vegetables. I have stuff to make Christmas cookies if you want to try that..." I say, trying to get Steph more relaxed around me.

"I can just eat my protein bar I packed. If you have milk, I'll have a glass of that. It's late, I don't want to make a big production." she says as she gives Lex the command to follow. "As you probably have guessed, Lex is not a pet. Like I said, he was a military trained dog but had to be medically discharged from the army. He prefers to work and outside of his 'downtime' play, he's happiest to have a job to do. His new job is to protect Ava, and me I guess. Are there any wild animals nearby?" she asks, looking out the back wall of windows.

"Yes, we have black bears, wolves and a number of wild cats around." I tell her. "We need to keep him close." I add as I follow her gaze. I love this place but the normal comfort I get from looking at the coast from this vantage point fails to relax me. It may have something to do with the fuck up I managed of my life and the lack of progress I seem to be making to fix it.

"Do you want to hold Ava?" she asks. "I need to let Lex out and I want to walk the perimeter with him to let him know his boundary.

"Yes." I say simply.

"He won't take orders from you. He won't take food from you either and if you try to feed him, he may not take it well," she tells me and I feel like I have just as long a road with Lex as I do with Steph. I look back to Ava and go with my best chance at love.

"If I can't help you, I'll gladly take Ava." I say in a softer voice since Ava seems to be showing me some interest. I hold out my hands and Steph gently places her in my arms and I envelope her making her seem even smaller than she is. I lean in and kiss her head. She smells wonderful. I don't remember ever holding a baby and thinking they smelled good. I know I have given them back because they smelled bad but this is new. I'm trying to take her in with all my senses. The way she looks, the way she sounds and the way she feels. The way she feels has the biggest impact. I have this overwhelming need to protect her. To shield her from all the pain in this world. I have an instant connection with her. I never had this with Julie. I was young and stupid. I guess I'm still stupid but I'm trying hard to shake that. I turn her in my arms so she is facing me. I hear Steph take Lex outside and I focus all my attention on this amazing little person in my arms.

I stare at the little wonder and whisper to her in Spanish "Hi, I'm your Daddy. I'm sorry I'm just meeting you now. I made a lot of mistakes but I want to make up for that. Hopefully I can see you a lot. I'm so glad your Mommy has taken such good care of you." I tell her as I bounce her gently. I know she has just eaten and I don't want to make her throw it up. I feel like I'm a walking encyclopedia on all things baby, I think to myself with a shake of my head. Who would have known that me, in all of my bad karma, would be sitting here with the miracle Steph and I created. I know I don't deserve this but I can't make myself not want it. I want it and I want it bad, more than I ever wanted anything in my life.

I continue to talk to Ava. I have spun her in my arms and am now walking around the living room pointing out things to her. I show her the kitchen where she'll hopefully eat someday. I show her the bookshelf where I have a few baby books that I plan on reading to her. I show her where I have some toys hidden for her. I show her the swing I bought for her. I place her down far enough from the fireplace that there is no chance of burning embers reaching her. She's laying on the activity mat that I got for her. She seems content to just move her arms and legs. I'm lying on my side when I hear the front door open and Steph and Lex come in. Lex sprints to me and growls at me as I lay still not making a move. Steph gives Lex a command and he quiets. I know from my time in the military that all Steph has to do is give Lex a command and he will trust me but she hasn't done it yet. Either she doesn't know it or is unwilling. My money is on the latter. I have yet to notice one thing that makes me feel better about my plan. I want to fix my fuck up and I want a someday with my new family. I knew this was going to be hard but I underestimated just how hard. I slowly roll away and get up. I go into the kitchen as Steph perches on a bar stool at the island separating the living room from the kitchen. "I'll get you the glass of milk. Since when do you drink milk?" I ask as I stick my head in the fridge to pull out the carton she requested.

"I started craving it when I was pregnant. I continued since I wanted to make sure I had enough calcium to pass to Ava. I really like it now. Chocolate is my favorite but I only drink that as a dessert. I don't eat much junk food anymore," she continues and I'm a little shocked by what she said. I never thought Steph would give up junk food. I wonder what made her do that but don't want to push her just yet. I ask her about Ava's night time routine and if Steph was surprised by my question she didn't show it.

"In the evening, we play and when she gets fussy, I give her a bath and read her a story. I feed her, then burp her and put her down. It's nothing crazy but it's what we do every single night and I like to keep to a routine," she says, not elaborating. In the past, I could ask one question and it would take her hours to answer it. She would go off on tangents and tell stories and share more than she probably intended. I hope we can get back to that. I know I should let this go but I can't. I have to know.

"Are you married?" I ask in a whisper. I don't think she heard me at first and I'm holding my breath waiting for her to tell me the answer I most want to hear.

"I'm not going to share personal information about myself until I have legal assurance that you are going to give me full custody. Even after I have that assurance, I will only share the bare minimum. You of all people can't begrudge me for not sharing. I know next to nothing about you so..." She trails off and I want to punch myself in the face for asking the question and not sharing personal information about myself equally.

This is not how I envisioned our evening going. I mistakenly thought I could tell her the whole story and get her forgiveness and start again. That I could get her to relax and make a little progress each day starting with tonight. I hoped I could convince her to let me hug her, hold her, touch her. I thought talking to her on the phone was torture. This is worse, much worse.

"I'm sorry" I say.

She looks at me with a scowl. "I'm tired. It's been a long day for us." She says and I reluctantly let the conversation stall into awkward silence. There's so much I need to tell her but she's exhausted. I can tell by her body language that she's ready to drop.

Ava plays for another hour and Steph transfers her to different play areas that I have set up. She notices the books and I see her smile. She makes no comment as she leaves to go back into the nursery to get the bath prepped for her. Lex stays with me in case I try something stupid like picking her up. The little shit is starting to piss me off. I wait for Steph to return and she picks Ava up and hands her to me. "She doesn't seem to be winding down so it's time to bring out the big guns. Hold her while you're sitting and let her put weight on her legs. It's hard work for her and she should tire from it. Then we can do some tummy time. She tolerates it for a few minutes but then she gets mad and starts to cry. It's really good for her and we do it often. She has much more head control than she did last week. I have her bath stuff ready but I want to wait until she's more tired," she tells me as she sits in an overstuffed chair and Lex automatically sits next to her, his body touching her leg.

"It looks like Lex is really bonded to you."

"Yes. We helped each other out of a dark place," she says, and I regret my question immediately.

I concentrate on playing with Ava and I resume telling her all of the things I want to tell her mom, in Spanish, of course. I don't think Steph would be sitting there if she could understand what I was saying. She would be helping Lex pull my lifeless body outside so the coyotes could pick the meat off my bones.

I laid Ava down and true to Steph's words, she tolerates her prone position for only three minutes before her face gets red and she screams like she's being physically assaulted. Lex leaves his position by Steph and returns to me on the floor. I know Lex was establishing his dominance earlier and I give him some room but I plan on being pack leader and Lex will just have to resign himself to the bottom of the hierarchy. I don't want to outright challenge him yet, not until I make a little progress with Steph. He's following her directives and is feeding off her emotions, I get that. I cannot, however, let him think I'm scared of him. I pick up Ava and hold her patting her on the back like I have seen Steph and every other mother on the planet do with a screaming infant. I get her calmed down and I take her around the room again showing her different things. I say the words in both English and Spanish. Steph has slumped in the chair and is softly snoring. I'm tempted to lean down to kiss the top of her head but I'm dissuaded when Lex picks his head up when we make our way past her chair. I walk with Ava off and on for another two hours before she starts to show signs of fussiness. I open the door to see if Lex wants to go outside but wasn't really surprised when he didn't budge. Ava's first actual cry woke Babe and I was impressed that motherhood converted her into a light sleeper. Before, it would take something just short of a natural disaster to wake her. Now, the softest cry from Ava will do it.

"I can take her now," she says as she stretches. "It's time for her bath and I need to feed her," she says the last part by pressing on different parts of her breast.

I come close to hand her off and ask."Can I come too?"

"Fine, you need to know how we do it," she agrees neutrally. I follow her into the nursery and into the attached bathroom. I wait while Steph runs the water and shows me the temperature that's safe. She warns me that wet babies are incredibly slippery and I wonder if she had to learn this fact the hard way. By the time Ava was squeaky clean, she has her fist in her mouth and won't stop sucking on it to save her life. The lotion is next as Steph sings a song to her. She still keeps her hand in her mouth but is mesmerized by Babe. I don't blame her. Domestic Babe is awesome. When Ava is all snuggled in her pajamas, Steph carries her into the living room and pulls 'Hippos Go Berserk' off the bookshelf and sits in the chair she was in previously and begins to read. Steph shows the pages to Ava and recites the words without looking at the pages, she has it memorized. Ava isn't as interested in the book and I know why. She's hungry. It is close to 2300 hours and I would think both mother and daughter are pretty tired after the long day they've had. Steph gets up and says, "Say goodnight. I'm going to feed her and put her down. Then I plan to sleep every second she does."

Steph has approached me and I take advantage of the opportunity and reach around both of them to give them a hug as I lean in to kiss Ava on the head. I feel Steph stiffen but go ahead with whispering "Goodnight mi hija. I love you." That seemed to make Steph more uncomfortable and I'm not sure why. I release them both and step back. Steph turns and closes herself off in the nursery.

About a half hour later, I see Steph and Lex come out of the room and they make their way into the kitchen. She puts a used diaper in the kitchen trash and lets Lex out the patio door. She asks me where Lex's food is, and I pull the bag out of a cabinet. I hand her bowls and go get a pair of scissors to open the bag. Lex gets a combination of wet food and dry kibble. I offer to help but she declines. "I don't want your scent on anything he eats or drinks. He doesn't trust you," she tells me but I can't help to think she meant to say 'We. We don't trust you.'

I lean against the counter to watch her. She efficiently adds both types of food to his food bowl and runs cold water from the tap. She finishes off his water with a few ice cubes from the freezer. There's so much I want to tell her but she's tired. Traveling really takes a lot out of a person and I can't imagine traveling with an infant and a dog wouldn't multiply that by about 10.

"What can I do?" I ask, hoping she will understand the real meaning of what I'm asking. I can only hope she would just spell it out for me. I'm a quick learner and I would follow her directive to the letter but I know that she isn't interested in a deep conversation right now and she opts for a simple 'Nothing' as a reply. I had waited on her to eat and seeing her let Lex back in and pulling out a granola bar from her pocket while sitting down close to Lex's bowls tells me that she is not interested in eating with me. My focus is on helping her so I stay put and silently wait. She finishes up and puts everything away.

"We're going to bed." She says, making no apology.

"Let me know if you need anything. I can take a shift with Ava at night."

"She only wakes up to eat so you can't do anything."

"Can you pump or something so I can let you sleep?" I ask, trying to be useful.

"I didn't bring a pump or bottles plus, if she doesn't wake me up then I'll wake up from not feeding her." she tells me, and I'm not quite sure what she means by that.

"My breasts get full and the pressure will wake me up anyway. Don't worry, I plan to take naps and you'll have plenty of time with her," she says as she stands and walks out, Lex following closely behind.

I wake up to the sound of doors opening and closing. I had left my door open to make sure I could hear if someone needed me but I doubted that would happen. I listen quietly at the nursery door and hear Babe's soft voice singing to Ava. I can tell the lights are off so I'm assuming she's trying to get Ava fed and back to sleep. I wait for a long time, hoping to catch Steph on the way back to her room. After 30 minutes, I stopped hearing noises but wait another hour. As quietly as I can, I open the door and look in. I see Steph asleep on the floor with the cushions from the rocker and the quilt and pillow from her bed. Lex is standing in guard mode staring at me. He's not relaxed and I'm quite sure that if I stepped into the room, I would be met with a menacing growl to warn me off. Ava seems content as does Stephanie so I quietly close the door and head back to my room disappointed. It looks like I'm going to have to work really hard to be needed around here.