A/N Everything you recognize belongs to Janet Evanovich. Thank you to Kathy's amazing beta skills, Heather for all her sound advice and encouragement and Lisa who did a little of both! A huge Thank You to the readers, you guys make all the hard work worth it!

~Chapter 24

***Dec 24

At 6:30am we are back up and Ava is hungry again. This time I take her out into the main room to feed her. I see beautiful streaks of color as the windows show the light display of the sun rising above the ocean. I'm mesmerized. I lay her on her Boppy and start feeding her. Lex is laying at my feet and picks his head up. He has way better hearing than me so I assume Ranger is up. He walks into the kitchen and comes back and sits a cup of coffee down near me. I'm facing the ocean and he's facing me.

He doesn't speak, probably for fear I'll send him away. I split my time staring at the water and at Ava. The silence stretches and I finish feeding her. Ranger offers to take her and I hand her up to him. He gently pats her back until she belches like a sailor.

"That must feel better," he says, and kisses her head. If I live a thousand years, this image of Ranger will always shock me the most. I shake my head.

"What? You don't think this fits with my Stark Street Ranger persona?" He asks with a grin

"I would have never guessed. You don't seem like the same person you were before."

"I only showed you Ranger the mercenary. I have never been able to show anyone Carlos the person. Not since I was really young anyway." He pauses and I think he's done but he surprises me again adding, "I lost him. That was the root of my attachment issues."

I wait for him to continue but he doesn't. He just stands there rubbing Ava's back as she starts to fall back asleep.

"Would you consider leaving Ava here with me?" He asks, shocking me. "I promise, I won't do anything stupid. I will not jeopardize my chance with you. I need you to forgive me. I love you both and I know that you need each other." I must look like I'm going to object when he hurriedly continues, "I'll stay in the nursery and you can have Lex guard us. He'll make sure I stay here."

I think about what he has said, "you want to stay in the nursery the whole time she's sleeping?"

"I plan on sitting in the rocker and holding her for the whole three hours."

"Fine, give me your weapons and I'll have Lex keep watch." I agree. I collect the gun from his ankle holster and he confirms that is the only weapon he has by lifting each pant leg and turning around. He's only wearing low slung sleep pants so I don't think he's hiding another gun or a knife. Where would he put it?

"I should go. If I leave now it'll take me 40 minutes each way and I need time to shop. You only have about 3 hours before she needs to eat again." I say and he nods his head.

I hurry back to my room and gather what I need. I give Lex one of the treats I brought and scratched his back. I let him out to go potty and when he comes in, I put him in guard mode. I want him to guard Ranger the whole time I'm gone.

Wal-Mart is packed. It's tough getting a parking space and the aisles are full and the lines are long. It isn't a big store to begin with and the shelves are picked over.

I go to the photo lab and print a few pictures that I have on my phone. There is only one of me. It was while I was still pregnant. I have my hand supporting my belly and the wind is blowing my hair off my face. I'm smiling because I was sure Dr. King was going to have his finger over the lens. It ended up being my favorite photo of me while pregnant. I find a nice album for the photos and I'm planning to give that to Ranger for Christmas. I also manage to find a couple of small toys that will be perfect for Ava. I find a blanket that has different textures that I can attach to her so she won't drop it. I find some stackable cups for the bath that let water through via different shapes. I find a cute little soft ballerina doll that I can just picture her dragging along behind her wherever she goes. I want to buy her so much more but everything I buy will have to be packed up and carried home. I already have a pretty full load. I walk over to the pet aisle to look for something for Lex when I pass the diaper aisle. I walked down there to make sure I need anything and see an infant carrier that held the baby in the front. I have one where you can snuggle the baby but it's more like an extra large purse. Ava can't see. I vow to get one at a Wal-Mart back home in Cape May. On a whim, I get one to give to Ranger. I don't have very much to give him, just a photo album of Ava's life so far. I find a couple of toys for Lex and head back up to wait at the registers. I passed a Christmas display that has cute little sleepers with Baby's 1st Christmas and splurge. Hey, it only happens once. I spend over an hour so I hope Ava gives Ranger a longer stretch before she wants to eat.

On the drive back, I use the time to think of everything that has happened. I have yet to decide what I think about the circumstantial evidence and what Ranger said about forgiveness. I know the anger and hurt I'm carrying inside is not good for me. I want to forgive but I don't want to give everyone a pass. They all turned their backs on me when I needed them the most. The drive went much more quickly with my thoughts racing.

I get back to the cabin and everyone is in the same position that I left them in. I breathe a heavy sigh of relief. I bend down to Lex and put him in play mode and he licks my face. Ranger is softly singing to Ava who is sucking on her fist, agitated it's not giving her milk. I wonder how long she's been awake and fussy.

"You feed her and I'll take her so you can put your stuff away." He tells me and I do just that. I feed Ava and sit her in the bouncy chair while I wrap the gifts that I bought. I tuck the gifts away and lay on the bed enjoying the few minutes of peace that Ava is giving me. I awake to quiet. I'm alone. I leap off the bed to look for Ava.

I look around at the beautiful room. The decorations are simple but nice. The real eye stopper is the Christmas tree. Ranger had been busy while I was asleep. The large tree was standing over by the windows and it had to be 12 feet tall. The white lights were shining and the decorations were partially hung. There were boxes and bags with decorations still waiting to be placed on the tree. I'm shocked. It's beautiful. It looks straight out of a catalog.

"I love it." I say not able to tear my eyes away from the tree. I finally turn to see Ranger standing there, holding Ava, staring at me.

"I waited for you to help but if you don't want to, I can finish. My family always put up the Christmas tree right after Thanksgiving. I didn't have time to put it up before you got here. But I wanted it up before tomorrow," Ranger says and I shake my head. If I didn't know better, I would think Ranger was privy to my inner desires and is checking them off like a damn to-do list. I stare back without saying anything. I don't think I can get any words out so I stand there like a statue.

"Can I get you something?" He asks, clearly trying to get some sort of response from me.

"No." I manage and start walking toward my girl, arms out. He silently hands her to me. "I'm fine", words coming freely now that I was walking away from the charming scene in the living room. He follows me in the kitchen as I get a glass of milk. "How was she? Did Lex give you any trouble?"

"Ava was good. Lex and I played, he even licked my face," he says seriously.

"Really?" I ask, shocked.

"No," he answers. "Lex stood watch over me ready to tear me apart if I treated Ava badly."

I laugh at that. "That sounds better." I begin. "Thank you. It was good to get away and I got what I needed." It was weird not having Ava with me. I can't leave her with Dr. King for more than a few minutes and besides leaving her a couple of times in LA with Sarah and Jason, this is the longest I've been away from her. I didn't feel guilty, like I was burdening someone. It's strange that I didn't worry though. I guess that means I'm beginning to trust him.

Ranger follows me in the room and I make a split second decision and grab the Boppy to feed her in the living room. I really love the tree and want to enjoy it as much as I can.

"Do you want to help with the rest of the tree?" he asks.

"Sure. I love decorating. I want to start traditions with Ava but everything was crazy and she wasn't even supposed to be here yet. She was due on Dec 31st." Ranger looks puzzled.

"What?" I ask.

"Nothing. It's not important. I'm just glad you're here." He pauses like he wants to say more but doesn't.

I'm feeding Ava and Lex is curled up at my feet. I can't believe it's Christmas Eve. I never imagined that I would be here. With Ranger and a baby. This time last year I spent time with my family. Ranger had given me a necklace on Christmas morning while he was out patrolling. He tends to work holidays so his men can have time off. But never in a million years could I have imagined I would be in Maine, with Ranger, at this moment with a child and a dog. I shake my head for the millionth time since I've been here.

"What?" he asks, seeing my head shake.

"I just can't believe the difference a year makes." I tell him, still staring at the tree. He nods his head. He is lost in thought and I'm surprised that he actually starts to speak.

"I must admit that I bought the display tree and it was already assembled. I just loaded it in the back of the truck on my way here. I took a bunch of ornaments off so we could decorate it. And there's one ornament I bought special." he says and he reaches into a bag and pulls an ornament out. "It's Ava's first Christmas and it has room for a photo. I want to do this for her every year. I want to hang her ornaments on this tree and see how she grows. I even look forward to the ones where she thinks I'm stupid for doing this. Stephanie, I'm here and I'm offering 'Someday' to both of you. I know you're still deciding and I'm not trying to rush you. I just want to make sure you know what it is that I'm offering"

I let his words sit in the air. I do not feel the need to answer when I'm still undecided on what I want. There's a heavy feel in the room.

Thankfully, he lightens it by saying, "Later, we can watch Christmas Vacation. It's one of my favorite movies. I loved it when I was a kid. My dad wasn't like him at all. Their family just seemed so strange to me. I grew up with lots of kids, chaos. We had gangs and drugs to deal with in the neighborhood. Large ethnic community where everyone knew everyone's business. You can relate to that one," he states with a half smile. "Anyway, I love the idiot that the father represents. It was the opposite of what I knew. My dad is proud and hard. He wouldn't dare act like that."

If I thought Ranger was acting strangely before, it was nothing compared to now. He's answered my questions but he's also given me insight into his heart. He's revealing himself to me. I still feel like I'm emotionally unstable. One minute, I'm ready to forgive him and start a life with him and the next, I want to pack up our things, walk out the door and never look back.

"I want to make Christmas cookies." I blurt out. "I've always wanted to make Christmas cookies on Christmas Eve and eat them warm with a big glass of milk and stare at the tree."

"How about we finish decorating the tree, make Christmas cookies and watch Christmas Vacation? Let's do it all," he says the last part more loudly than normal and Ava breaks suction to look at him.

"Sorry," he whispers and walks to the kitchen.

"Pull the cookie dough out of the freezer, please." I yell to him, then I look at nosey girl and get her back to eating.