Ken lived relatively close to UA – compared to his classmates – something his handler had set up for him so that he'd never have an excuse to not be at school. It was a forty minute walk from the apartment complex. It helped calm his nerves, helped prepare him so that he wouldn't slip up. He couldn't now, considering that Midoriya had already seen him – not that it was true, of course.
He tried to walk with a pep in his step, attempting to look excited for his second day at UA. It made sense, who wouldn't be if they were going to what was considered the best school for heroics in the world?
It all came tumbling when he saw a mass of reporters hoarding the gate, forcing students to push their way through. Ken froze, his feet unwilling to move – memories flashing across his mind. He grabbed his wrist when it started shaking.
They were all looking for something. Something they wanted to devour with their twisted inhuman gazes.
"Ahh…" Ken dug his nails into his wrist. "Haaaa…"
Ken forced one foot in front of the other. His jaw was clenched tight. One more. He took one more step. They aren't there. His earlier spring was replaced with rigid and painful steps as he neared the hoard. His breath quickened as he got closer.
I'm strong.
They turned their eyes towards the student wearing UA's uniform. Ken forced his chin down, eyes glued to the floor. He saw their feet shuffle towards him to get closer, but he still didn't look up.
Suddenly it felt as if the world had gotten warmer, and he felt sweat gather at his forehead and back.
"You!" A reporter shoved their mic in front of him. "Let me get a word out of you! I'll be quick!" The mic was forced before him, and even though his eyes were down he saw the man's hand.
'Let me hear your voice.' Fetid breath and slick palms ran across his skin.
"Is All Might a good teacher?! Do you think it is a waste that he spends his time teaching you instead of saving people?!" More reporters turned their attention towards him.
Not now.
"Please! Just a quick answer!" The reporter got closer.
"I have to get to class." He grit out, attempting to walk around the man.
"Wait! Just one–" The reporter stepped in front of him, tracing his movements.
"I would suggest not disturbing our students, you're interrupting our classes." Aizawa's deep rumble cut through the interference. His eyes glowed a distinct red as his hair floated upwards painting an intimidating picture. "All Might is not here today, please leave." It sounded more a threat than a request.
Ken felt the kernels of relief settle in his chest.
Aizawa walked towards Ken, glaring at reporters too close to the boy. He paved a way through the crowd and stood before Ken. "Kitajima."
He felt his cheeks pull into a practiced smile. "Thank you, sensei."
"Get inside." Aizawa turned heel and marched back towards the gate, though he slowed his pace to stay just in front of Ken.
Eraserhead was not so bad off duty.
He kept his eyes focused on the back of his teacher and finally made his way inside the campus grounds. The gate behind him shut fast with large metallic walls. Ken sighed, and stopped when Aizawa turned back towards him after they were inside.
"Go see Recovery Girl."
"Eh?" He blurted out.
"Your hands."
Ken looked down, his eyes widening in genuine surprise and panic. Shit. His fingernails were dyed a bright crimson, and the skin on his wrist had broken with marks from his nails on it. Out of instinct he put his hands behind his back in a futile attempt to hide it.
"I–It's fine. Doesn't hurt." It really didn't.
Aizawa's eyes turned a steely, yet irritated gaze. "You're hurt. It might get infected."
"I can wash it up myself–"
"Kitajima." Aizawa's tone turned a tad bit softer. "Take a breather at her office. It's nothing too important in class, so don't worry about it."
He resisted the urge to dig into his palms again. I'm not weak, was just at the tip of his tongue. But he knew better.
"Yes, sensei."
.
.
Aizawa wasn't exactly what one would picture if they thought of a worrywart. And they wouldn't be exactly wrong, as he thought it was a waste of time most of the time. If there was something he could do, he would. If there wasn't, there was no point in dwelling on it – it was irrational. Aizawa considered himself a rational person.
So when he saw his student have a mini panic attack right outside the gates of UA, he was rightfully worried. Another problem child, great.
Kitajima didn't look like one who'd have such an intense reaction, what with his calm demeanor and quick thinking from the fight against Todoroki. All the more reason for his worrying. Aizawa wouldn't push it, but he would get to the bottom of it one way or the other.
He wouldn't let a student of his die a short lived career because he half-assed their preparation.
Aizawa recalled the details of Kitajima's file, wondering if there was anything hidden beneath the lines he could dig out. One guardian, a parent whose name he couldn't quite recall. Having a single parent was nothing new but it could mean the child was by themselves most of the time. The stress could have piled up alongside wanting to put up a good image for UA.
It may have been nerves simply well hidden for a good first impression, it wouldn't be the first he'd seen it either.
Whatever it was, Aizawa would make sure it wouldn't hamper his abilities or his classmates. Aizawa would make sure all his students reached their full potential while they were still with him.
.
.
Recovery Girl was a blessing. Her existence was incredibly valuable in a battle, the ability to heal someone with a mere kiss was something thousands would literally die for.
Ken pushed the feeling burning in his gut away when he walked out of her room.
He'd have to face the broccoli again. Ken wouldn't approach him or talk to him unless he needed to. Just enough to show him he was uncomfortable and didn't want to talk to him. Not yet at least. He needed to figure out how to quell the suspicion before Midoriya decides to implant the idea in the minds of others regardless of how implausible it is.
Because it wasn't true.
Kitajima Ken wasn't there that day. It was a blue haired vigilante who was a woman. He burned the thought into his mind – there was no better way to deceive others than to deceive himself first. Ken pulled at his stuffy collar – for some reason UA's uniform just felt it had an obligation to be an irritation.
Soon he found himself standing before Class 1-A's large and intimidating door. Beyond it was an entire different world. He swallowed the ugly feeling bubbling in his throat before it got worse.
He slid the door open to find Iida Tenya waving his arm high up in the air, yelling something about democracy and an election. Ken wondered how people ended up like Iida. Twenty sets of eyes swiveled towards him after the short speech of the navy haired engine boy.
"Kitajima! You are late to–"
"He's got my leave. Now get on with it." Aizawa drawled out, slipping back into his nap.
Iida cleared his throat, why stuck in his throat but he had enough tact to not let it slip. "My apologies! We were deciding on how to choose our class president as a class!"
His interest was not piqued.
"Do you have any suggestions other than a democratic election to best choose our class's representative?" Iida gestured his hands all the while he spoke.
Iida was quite long winded, wasn't he?
"Ah, no, that's just fine." He smiled, and ignored the gaze of a particular broccoli as he walked towards his seat – just behind Bakugo Katsuki and just in front of Midoriya. The explosive blonde wasn't talkative at all – something Ken could appreciate. Ken would rather speak only when necessary, or when someone came up to him. Though he tried not to give anyone reason to talk to him.
He would admit it was mildly amusing to see Bakugo fume whenever the broccoli behind him said anything at all. Something he also appreciated.
Ken kept up his facade of attention until it finally broke when Midoriya stood up and ended up a stuttering mess in front of all the class. It took him a moment to process what happened – a short moment, where not only him but also Bakugo grit their teeth in synchronized annoyance.
Are you kidding?
Just ignore it. It doesn't matter. Part of his mind was fueled by paranoia, however. He's just closer to the teachers now! Ken hid his erratic thoughts under his calm and uninterested face.
Ken was also genuinely confused above all. Why the hell would they pick him? He broke an arm in his fight and forgoed teamwork for what seemed like a petty duel. And he's a mess! His blue eyes hardened at the broccoli's timid and incessant stuttering as Midoriya tried to make sense of what happened.
They quickly snapped back to the spot on his table when green eyes met blue.
Midoriya flinched, a look of deep regret plastered on his face. Never had Midoriya generated such a visceral reaction of what looked like hate from someone – other than Bakugo, that is.
Soon the bell had rang, signaling the end of their homeroom and signaling the beginning of their next class. The classes had blended into one large boiling pot that created the means to slow time – Midnight's class was the only outlier. It felt like a long and painful crawl until he reached what he considered his favorite part of the day – lunch.
Lunch Rush's food was the best he'd ever had. It was usually stale rations or the same old packs of ramen over and over again – and he had even run out of those. Eating once a day was nothing unusual for the boy, but it made the meal at school all the more worthwhile.
It felt like the one time he could really unwind. It helped to serve his cover too.
Ken planned to grab something different this time. A hearty bowl of Katsudon. The other time he grabbed a large bowl of white rice along with ramen to just get his stomach full. A genuine smile graced his face when Lunch Rush added an extra few pieces of the pork cutlet. "Thank you."
Lunch Rush offered a thumbs up before he went back to preparing a new meal.
Ken clutched the bottom of the bowl gently, letting the warmth seep into his palms. If only… He shook his head. Recovery Girl and Lunch Rush – they were bearable.
He looked around for an empty spot, of which there were none unfortunately. Though there was one table just as good. Ken took the long way along the outskirts of the cafeteria to avoid the hoard of students who chattered and bumped into each other without care. He found himself sitting far apart from Bakugo, who didn't acknowledge his presence. Perfect.
It was, until Kirishima had pulled up to the table.
"Bakugo!" He had a dumb smile plastered onto his face.
The blonde growled. "Leave me alone, Shitty Hair!"
"Kitajima!" His puppy-like eyes landed on him.
"Ahh… Kirishima." He acknowledged.
"You two were super manly in training yesterday!"
Manly? It felt odd to hear.
"Can't believe you were packing such a big explosion in those gauntlets Bakugo! And Kitajima! The way you fought was so smart! I would have just run straight at him!"
"I'm trying to eat you extra!"
He felt the same, though said nothing.
"Explosive! Just like your quirk! That's manly!"
"SHUT UP!" Bakugo slammed his fist against the table, sending Ken's cutlery jingling.
Ken resisted the urge to leave the table – it would bring a little more unwanted attention towards him, plus there were no other tables as empty.
Kirishima waved off the aggression "Calm down Bakugo–"
"HAH?!"
"I like your spirit!" Kirishima shot out a thumb. "Kitajima! You friends with this guy or what?! Tell me your secrets!"
Ken shared a quick glance with the boy in question, before the blonde exploded in another fit of rage.
"AS IF HEELS COULD BE MY FRIEND YOU BASTARD!"
Mutual, then.
"What he said." He offhandedly replied, peeling his focus away from the conversation and back to his cooling bowl of Katsudon.
"So cool!" Kirishima grinned.
Ken felt the tension melt away when he took a bite of the cutlet. His mouth and eyes instantly watered – but he was quick to hide it. Shit. This is amazing.
He sniffed away the uncontrollable build of snot – Kirishima caught that one.
"Kitajima! The food is amazing isn't it? I never knew we'd have Lunch Rush making us food."
"It is, isn't it?" He smiled, before shoving another piece of cutlet into his mouth. He raised the bowl closer to his face, his chopsticks hovering nearby at the ready–
VREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Ken gripped the chopsticks like one would a knife, his eyes darting around for a threat. The students around them immediately shot up out of their seats.
"Security Level 3 has been broken. All students, please evacuate in an orderly fashion."
Is he making his move?
"Three?!" The second years and third years screamed, their eyes bulging as panic took hold of their mind. "We've gotta get out – a villain is inside! We're in trouble!" One spoke, sparking the fear of others.
Right here? RIght now?
"Damn! A villain?! This must be serious if the third years are freaking out!" Kirishima was up out of his seat, as was Bakugo. "Let's scram."
"Don't gotta tell me what to do!" Bakugo's hands popped with miniature explosions, slipped into the hoard of students, struggling and pushing those around him to keep himself from getting swept with the tide – but he eventually succumbed to it, with great amounts of anger.
"BAKUGO! Damn it!" Kirishima's face was filled to the brim with alarm. "Kitajima! Get up! Let's look for our classmates!" Kirishima extended a hand – but Ken didn't bat an eye.
Ken stood on top of the table to get a better view of the situation. Then he was transfixed on the sight behind the glass wall of the cafeteria. It was the hoard of reporters that bothered him earlier in the morning – but they were larger and were up against the gate. The grip relaxed, though he felt the tension return – what with the mass of people huddled into onto, stumbling and touching each other all over.
"It's just the press!" He spoke louder for his voice to pierce through the panicked mumblings of the herd. "We're fine!"
"Well we still have to evacuate!" Kirishima argued. "Come on man! Let's go!"
WIth that? Shoulders touched shoulders, hands in faces, legs in between others. Hundreds of people breathing down his neck, their spittle flying around in panic, their sweat rubbing off on him–
Ken reached down, grabbed the bowl of Katsudon tight to his chest, put a hand over the top of it and got off the table. I–I can do this.
Kirishima likened the blue haired boy to a mother cradling her baby in the midst of a panic, his eyes wide with both a tinge of shock and confusion. At least until he sat right back down.
"Kitajima!?"
"Look!" He pointed at Iida flying across the air, slamming against the wall just above the exit of the cafeteria.
"What the!?–"
"EVERYTHING'S FINE! IT'S JUST THE PRESS CORPS!"
"Exit sign?!"
Ken promptly fell straight back into eating his Katsudon, knowing he didn't have much time left until he had to evacuate with the other students.
"K–Kitajima?" Kirishima's jaw was wide open as the blue haired boy devoured his meal. "Are you serious?"
Ken took a breather but didn't look up from the meal. "I'm hungry." And proceeded to shove a piece of cutlet into his mouth.
It was an odd sight among the various students walking past the table, some even commented on how weird it was. Though one red in head in particular didn't think the same way.
Kirishima's mind echoed one thought, manly.
.
.
What did I say again?
"Exit sign Iida was cool and all, but you should have seen Kitajima!" Kirishima had everyone's attention in their classroom. "He was calm and collected the whole time! He didn't even leave his seat! He just sat down and ate his Katsudon like there was nothing going on!"
Something about unwanted attention.
A chorus of ohhh's followed.
Or does this make me look more normal?
The pink skinned girl – Ashido – turned on her heel to face Ken. "I knew you were the cool silent type of guy!"
"Hah… It wasn't anything like that. I just saw the press corps out the window and when Iida calmed everyone down I knew we were safe." Ken nodded at Iida, shooting him a look of gratitude. "He'll make a good class president."
"It was only the right thing to do, Kitajima!" Iida struggled to hide a small smirk forming on his face, preening at the praise.
Asui neared his desk, standing beside Ashido. "I consider myself a calm person, but even I was a little panicked at what was going on – kero."
"Yeah yeah! Tell me about it! I thought villains attacked us or something!" Ashido added, rocked back and forth on her heels. "I totally freaked out!"
"Well… I was scared but I wasn't alone." Ken continued on, liking the line of thought he'd latched on to. "Kirishima was there with me the whole time."
The boy in question felt a blush crawl up his cheeks when the attention was suddenly back on him again. "W-well I couldn't leave a friend behind!"
Ken's smile slipped for a second.
"It wouldn't be manly at all!"
"I was stuck between two big burly manly seniors! It wasn't cool at all!" Mineta cried out and grabbed the sides of his face. "Damn it! It was the perfect opportunity to be sandwiched by enormous milkers–"
An ear jack pierced the boy's shoulder, stopping him from spewing any more of his perverted fantasies. They all ignored him when he whimpered something about 'not being into that' as he rolled around on the floor.
Kaminari grinned and walked up to Kirishima's side, placing a shoulder on his hand. "You should have seen Bakugo! The look on his face when I saw him in the crowd–"
The explosive blonde turned around. "SHUT THE HELL UP YOU BASTARD!" Bakugo's face was twisted into a feral snarl.
"It was like that but a million times worse!" Kaminari ignored Bakugo. "Like his face pinched into a small dot–"
"EAT SHIT AND DIE!" Bakugo shot up from his seat, his palms popping with explosions.
"Bakugo! Please refrain from making such statements about your fellow heroes in training! It is very unheroic!" Iida sped in between the two, his flailing arms acting as a barrier.
"YOU'RE NEXT FOUR EYES!"
"Is your whole character just screaming? It's not an appealing trait for the wo–"
"COME HERE YOU!" Bakugo lunged towards the electric boy through Iida's outstretched arms.
"Bakugo calm down! Kaminari, please stop taunting your fellow classmates on such inappropriate topics!" Kaminari swerved away from the death grip behind the class president, a dopey grin present of his face.
Ken sagged in relief when all he thought the attention was off of him. Though a certain pair of green eyes kept darting back and forth from him and the rest of the class. Ken had tried not to give the broccoli much attention – avoiding him seemed to be working as Midoriya had not yet come up to him or even looked at him as far as he knew. He just might be in the clear.
.
.
Izuku couldn't do it anymore. He couldn't act like nothing happened. It gnawed at his conscience and tugged at his from the very second he realized how unheroic he had been. He didn't act like a hero, he didn't act like someone worthy of inheriting All Might's quirk. Izuku's thoughts had spiraled out of control and he had thought of giving One For All back at some point – but that would just be running from his mistake.
Something a hero would never do.
Kitajima hadn't said a word or interacted with Izuku at all. It was hard to miss when he spoke to just about everyone else – he even saw him talk to Kacchan in the cafeteria! It hurt. But it was his fault.
But I knew I was right, his mood turned gloomier, his shimmering at the edges. What was worse was that even after what he had done, he still believed he was right. It's just– they look the same and their quirks are the same and even the costume – everything! Damn it!
I hate this. Izuku fisted his shirt below his desk as Present Mic asked a question about a phrase in English and what was wrong about it. I have to do did I– I acted like a bully! I made him freak out when I touched him! That's exactly what a bully would do! I should know better!
I was just so… tired of keeping it all in. But it's not an excuse! What I did was wrong! I have to apologize. I have to but… How? How can I apologize if I still believe in what I said that day? How can I apologize to someone who's done something villainous?
What should I do? What would All Might do?
Present Mic's loud yelling interrupted his thoughts. "That's right Yaoyrozu! There is nothing wrong with the phrase at all!" Izuku jumped up from his seat at the volume, his knees banging up against the desk.
"Ow!" A silence followed, causing the broccoli to blush madly in embarrassment. "S–sorry."
He sighed when Present Mic went straight back into his loud yet successful teaching methods.
Izuku had to do something. I should just ask All Might…
Surely the Number One Hero had faced dilemmas such as his, right?
Right?!
.
.
Ken was wrong – he wasn't in the clear. The broccoli was trailing just behind him. Why can't he just leave me alone? A tightness settled in his throat, the earlier events of the day catching up to him just as he was heading back to the apartment.
He noticed Midoriya breaking off from Uraraka and Iida in front of their classroom and he overheard something about him having to do something important before he joined up with them at the station. Ken had wondered if just ignoring the boy's advances would stop him from pursuing the issue – though he knew that would never work. I can't–
"Midoriya." He slowed his pace without turning around and came to a stop. "Why are you following me?"
He didn't see the boy's face while he struggled to come up with a response but he sure as hell heard it.
Ken turned on his heel. "Is this about your ridiculous accusation?"
"It's not–" The boy shut his mouth, and his eyes turned downwards. "I came here to apologize."
Ken remained silent.
"I– I shouldn't have acted the way I did yesterday. I c–clearly made you upset and I just wanted to say I'm sorry!" Midoriya bowed a full ninety-degrees. "I really didn't mean to push you like that! I'm really sorry!"
What did you expect? Confirmation?
"Y–you don't have to forgive me–"
He felt as if this sort of apology was a practiced thing at this point–
"Because I still believe you were the one I saw that day." Midoriya shot up from his bow like a jackknife, his green eyes steely with determination. "I just– I know what I saw that day. It won't– can't leave my mind. I just wanted to apologize for–"
Ken grit his teeth. "I don't understand – I keep telling you it wasn't me. How am I supposed to prove it? How am I supposed to tell you that you're wrong? You're far more pigheaded than even Bakugo."
Midoriya flinched, and Ken knew he struck a chord.
"What do you expect from this? Do you think you're doing something good here? Antagonizing a classmate for no apparent reason other than you saw a villain with blue hair?"
"But– I'm sure of it! I wouldn't say it if I didn't think I was right!" Midoriya had a fire in his eyes. "I know what I saw!"
"You saw her quirk for a second and you think it's mine? How does that make any sense? I don't get it – why do you think it was me?"
"I– I always analyze quirks and I know for sure that your quirks work the same! Especially when you used it in yesterday's training!–"
"Analyze? How are you so sure the quirk she had was the same as mine?! Are you an idiot? People have similar quirks! Yours is similar to All Might's, but is it his?!"
"That's not– It's more than just your quirk! You look the exact same! U–unless you had a female twin I don't know who else it could be!"
Ken felt like pulling his teeth out at Midoriya's stubbornness. "And you think I was disguised as a girl? Do I look like a girl to you?!" An ugly feeling boiled inside him, caressing his most vulnerable parts of himself. It stained him though and through.
"Do you want to see what's down here!?" He snarled, pulling at his belt. "Would that be enough proof for you, hero?!"
Midoriya looked as if he shriveled with each word that came out of Ken's mouth. "W–wait– S–stop–" Midoriya had his hands raised, blocking Kitajima from his view.
Ken fought hard to keep the bubbling emotions in his chest from bursting – to keep himself from hurting Midoriya. "Do you need more?!"
"K–Kita–Kitajima…" Midoriya had tears shining at the rims of his eyes.
"Sorry? You tell me you're here to say sorry and not even a second later you're calling me a villain? I don't understand."
"P–please…"
"What do you want me to say? That it was me? I was the one you saw that day? I keep telling you I have no idea what you're talking about – I even told you to leave me alone! And don't you ever touch me!" Ken snapped his mouth shut.
Nothing but Ken's ragged panting and Midofiya's choked breath followed. Ken's eyes were glued on to the downcast broccoli, who's eyes wouldn't meet him.
The silence was tense, letting the words stew in Midoriya's mind as he tried to will himself to say something. But before he could muster up a reply, they were interrupted by a friendlier pair.
"Deku! Kitajima!" Ken spotted Uraraka and Iida coming towards them, waving their arms in the air from afar. His nimble fingers buttoned up his blazer and Midoriya quickly rubbed his eyes dry before the two flanked Midoriya's sides.
"Kitajima, I see you have been making yourself well acquainted with Midoriya!" Iida nodded sharply. "It is always good to see fellow classmates getting to know each other."
Uraraka on the other hand had a far more subtle reaction. Ken realized she must have seen part of their exchange. "Y–yeah, it's always good to make new friends… Do you take the station, by the way? Maybe the four of us could walk there together?" Shit. I lost control.
Ken kept his smile subdued and his voice filtered with the usual calm, "No I live nearby. I can get there by walking."
"Really?!" Uraraka piped up. "So lucky… Even though UA pays for the commute, it really sucks to live so far away. I can barely wake myself up in time for the train."
Ken let out a chuckle. "Trust me, living closer doesn't change that part."
"Kitajima, perhaps you are in need of a change of schedule? I know just the best way to get yourself to sleep early and wake up even earlier." Iida offered, his hands moving excitedly. "I too have had troubles with waking up early in the mornings!"
"Even you Iida?" Uraraka had a look of disbelief.
"No longer!"
"What about you, Deku?"
"H–huh? Oh, n–no I wake up j–just fine." Midoriya rubbed the back of his head and looked away from the three.
"Deku, are you okay?" Uraraka's eyes drooped.
"W–why wouldn't I be?" Midoriya smiled a shaky smile, his eyes averting Ken's. "I'm alright."
A terrible liar.
"Well I don't want to be home too late." Ken started. "Gotta head out."
"How about we walk together until we part ways?" Iida offered, just as Ken had turned his back towards them.
"Ahh, my house isn't in the direction of the station and I have chores to do back home as well." He looked over his shoulder and waved. "I'll see you guys later." His blue eyes spotted the red rims of the broccoli. Will he tell them?
Did I go too far? Ken marched off campus, until the trio was out of earshot. Or not far enough?
How much longer will I have to stay here? Among these heroes? I never wanted to be here – this is a punishment. A punishment for my own weakness. Ken's fingernails pierced into his palms. And now I have to deal with it. But for much longer? It's only been two days and I'm already slipping up.
Have I lost my edge? Is it because of Midoriya? I'll sever these confusing feelings. I can't fail.