A/N Everything you recognize belongs to Janet Evanovich. Thank you to Kathy's amazing beta skills, Heather for all her sound advice and encouragement and Lisa who did a little of both! A huge Thank You to the readers, you guys make all the hard work worth it!

~Chapter 27

***Jan 24

SPOV

It's been about a month since I was with Ranger in Maine. I was lucky that I was able to fly out the next morning. The snow wasn't that bad but apparently things are pretty laid back in Maine so even a little snow can delay everything. No one seems to be in a hurry for anything.

I'm getting ready to head up to Atlantic City to meet with Ranger. I promised him that I would let him spend time with Ava so I arranged to meet up at a neutral location. I can't invite him here yet. So far, he's backed off. I can't be sure if he's found me or not but he hasn't shown up on my doorstep so at least he's making an effort. I've thought a lot about everything that's happened and I'm still conflicted.

I talk to my grandma on the phone most every night. She decided not to say anything about Ava since there are people looking for me and I'm glad. I'm still not in the right mindset to deal with my parents. Having Ava made my view of them worse. I would never turn my back on Ava no matter what she did and I will always listen to her side of the story. Pick her up when she falls.

Some of my anger has abated with Ranger but I still don't trust him. So we are starting with small steps. I'll meet him at the aquarium and he'll have two hours of alone time with Ava. There isn't a lot to do anywhere in winter with very small children but I had to think of something. He's just going to walk around with her the whole time.

At 10:00am, we head out. I'm meeting Ranger at noon just inside the entrance. I want to get there early to feed Ava and make sure he doesn't see my car. It's most likely unnecessary since he's probably been able to track me ever since I left Maine. I hope he's living up to his end of the bargain though. If he shows up then we're done.

I arrive close to 11:00am and park in the back of the lot. I don't see any telltale black SUV's so I walk in with Ava nestled in her stroller. I plan on getting an Uber to the boardwalk to see what's available. I could get a mani/pedi or do some window shopping. I'll see what's open and make a decision when I get there. I'm nervous about seeing Ranger. I've talked to him twice since December and both times he seemed really happy to talk to me. I still can't get over chatty Ranger. I find a private spot to feed her and get started. It's not time to fed her just yet but my girl's always ready to eat. She may look like Ranger but she's definitely my daughter. I was just coming out of the bathroom with a freshly diapered little girl when I see Ranger et al coming through the entrance. Shit. It's not just Ranger but Tank, Bobby, Lester and Ella. Who the heck is running Rangeman? My face must register my shock since I see smiles flash on five faces and blank faces drop on four of them.

Ella rushes over and hugs me. "I've missed you so much." she whispers in my ear and I relax. According to Ranger, Ella was the only one that didn't believe I could do such a thing and because of that, she's the only one I'm comfortable with. "Is this little Ava? Can I hold her?" she asks and I hand her over. As she is kissing and loving on Ava, my attention is drawn to the other four. The smile at Ella drops and I stare at the men with a blank face. Turns out, you don't need much practice perfecting the blank face when you look at people who hurt you. Ranger is the first to speak.

"Thank you for coming. I'm so glad you agreed to let me see Ava," he says as he moves over to his aunt. "Okay, you've seen her, now it's my turn." he says as he plucks Ava from her grasp.

"She just ate." I remind him in case he wants to lift her in the air. He acknowledges me and kisses Ava and whispers something in her ear that I couldn't make out.

"I'm so happy to see you. How have you been? You look great. I knew you would be a great mom. If you ever need me, I would ditch those men in a heartbeat to come help you. She is my great niece after all." Ella says in a rush as she hugs me again.

"I didn't know you'd be here. I guess I thought Ranger would come on his own."

"He was only going to bring one person to watch his back but Les, Bobby and I decided to tag along. Sorry if we make you nervous." she says softly.

"It's okay. I'm glad you came. You helped me so much with Val's children over the years. Plus, I know you really like babies." I reassure her.

"I don't want to take time away from you and Carlos, so just pretend that I'm not here."

"I plan to let Ranger have alone time with Ava so I'm going over to the boardwalk to see what's open."

"Oh. Can I come with you? I would love to catch up," she says and I quickly agree. Ella has always been so amazing to me. She has always felt more like family. She's definitely more loving than my actual mother.

"Les, drive them wherever they want to go. Tank and Bobby stay with me and Ava." Ranger says.. I didn't really think about the need for protection. I guess I've gotten complacent. I'm not even wearing my hat and glasses. I don't want to object since there are people looking for me. Granted they are not the people who want to kill me, only the people that want to sensationalize the antics of the ex-Bombshell Bounty Hunter.

"I need to make a quick stop in the gift shop and pick up a hat and glasses. Then I'll be a little less conspicuous." I tell them. I have both a hat and glasses in my car but I don't want to risk picking up a tracker if any of the guys see what I'm driving.

"I'm glad you're okay Steph." Les says. Bobby and Tank give me a small smile and I nod my head. I don't know what to say to any of them. I know they're probably sorry and I don't really have any real anger toward them. They aren't the ones that gave me the ultimatum. They were just following Ranger's orders when invading my privacy. They were just supporting their brother when defending him against a would-be femme fatale or whatever I was supposed to be.

Ranger reluctantly passes Ava to Tank and I bite back a smile. To me, she looks big, or at least she did before Tank puts her against his shoulder.

"Thanks for coming." Ranger says pulling my attention away from her and Tank.

"I said I would. I'm sorry we have to do this in a public place but I don't know what else to do. I'm not coming to Trenton so I guess we're going to have an entourage." I say, no longer thinking this is the best plan.

"How long do I have?" he asks. I note that Tank has passed Ava to Bobby and see Ella take out her phone to take photos.

"I was thinking 2-3 hours. She'll need to eat again and I have to get back home." I say and notice him frowning. "Look, I told you we needed to start small. This is not ideal for me either. I have obligations and I can't just take off for extended periods of time. Christmas was a fluke. That's not the norm."

"I'm sorry. I just didn't like to hear you call somewhere else home. I don't like that I don't know where your home is. I wish I didn't mess everything up and make you need to leave," he says, trying to smooth things over. His explanation makes me feel a little less defensive and I take a deep breath. I'm still feeling anxious and I don't like being out of my comfort zone and I'm certainly out of my comfort zone here.

"It's fine. I'm still very uneasy about this. I'm trying to trust you." I say earnestly.

"I know. I'm lucky that you're here. Thank you for coming. Thank you for giving me an opportunity to see you and Ava." he says and I see Ella hovering over both Tank and Bobby until she gets Ava back. That makes me smile.

"I'll meet you back here in two hours." I say so everyone can hear. I go over and kiss Ava on her cheek and tell her bye. Ella hands Ava to Ranger and comes over to stand next to me.

Les, Ella and I walk out the front door and leave the three big men to care for the little girl that represents my whole life. I feel the beginnings of a panic attack just as Ella puts her hand on my back and whispers in my ear. "They'll be safe. We'll be back before you know it." I catch a glimpse of Ranger buckling Ava into the stroller and Tank and Bobby blend in the crowd to cover them at a distance. 'They'll be safe' I tell myself. Ella takes my hand and squeezes it knowing exactly what I need.

We get to the boardwalk and I beeline to the first souvenir shop I find. I had forgotten to get a hat and glasses so I wanted to take care of that first. I really hadn't forgotten, it was more like I was distracted and stressed that I was leaving Ava with the person who threatened to take her away. I don't believe he will actually do that but I'm still anxious. I guess it's more that we are in public and like it or not, Ranger comes with his own dangers. I could name several instances where someone has come after him. It's weird, I still need to hide my identity but now, it's not because of Ranger but because somehow, I got mixed up in something that I had no control over. I was just doing my job and someone decide to mess with me, blows up Joe's car and put me in the hospital. I wonder at the absurdity of my old life. Ridiculously large spiders, old-fashion mobsters, clinically insane stalkers and homicidal would-be suitors. My life was a mess. Now, I'm back to front page news. At least the drug and gang thugs aren't after me. Small miracles.

I get situated and Ella and I continue walking outside looking in windows of the shops lining the busy street. Even though it's cold, the sun is out and the blue sky encourages activity.

"Want to get a coffee?" Ella asks as we pass another souvenir shop.

"Sure." I tell her as I spot a Starbucks on the corner. I look around and don't even see Les. I know he's out there but he isn't here as a social call. He's working. He's making sure Ella and I are safe. We walk to the end of the block and get in line. "Ranger told me that you always believed in me. I wanted to thank you for that. You've always meant a lot to me." I admit and she hugs me.

"I feel like your family. You love with your whole heart and that is a rare thing. You became the heart of Rangeman. When you left, everyone just retreated inside themselves," she tells me and I start to get upset. Sensing that, she continues, "No my dear, I know none of this is your fault. I know that you didn't want to leave. I understand that you had to. I just wanted you to know that you are missed. You are loved. You are important to a lot of people. No one at Rangeman blames you for any of this," she tells me and I relax a little. I'm not sure that I want to continue to talk about this and instinctively, Ella changes the subject and asks about Ava.

"I can't believe I'm actually doing this. I had pretty much decided that I was never having kids and this happened. I was so scared but I couldn't bear the alternative. I was so curious. I wanted to meet this little person. I was filled with all the dreams and hopes for her, that I picked myself up and forged ahead. Now, I can't imagine my life without her. She's everything to me. I've read so many baby books now, I feel like I can handle this. I remember telling you that I wouldn't willingly make some poor kid my child and that is so opposite of what I feel now. Now, I feel like I'm the best person to raise Ava. No one else can possibly love her as much as I do.

"I knew that would happen. I knew you of all people would love a child the only way you know how, with your whole heart," she tells me. "Tell me about the pregnancy. How was it?"

We continue to talk about the pregnancy, the birth and Ava's first weeks of life. I tell her about my first ultrasound and finding out that she was a girl, gestational diabetes, and giving birth at home. I avoid, more out of habit, talk of where I'm living, Trenton, and all things Ranger. We finish our drinks and decide to brave the cold again. I tell her I need a few things and that I was still building my wardrobe. I have lost most of the baby weight off so I can start buying a few forever pieces. Ella gives me a frown at that.

"I can afford it, I just haven't had the time to shop. Plus, I don't have the space to keep a lot of clothes." I say and leave it at that. I don't want to tell her that I share a dresser with Ava or that we live in a tiny little cottage.

We look in several stores and I don't really find much that speaks to me. My standards are high since I can only have a small wardrobe. I get a few things: a scarf to match my new hat and thermal henleys. Ava does a fair amount of spitting up so I pick darker colors - they're harder to stain plus the thermal part is necessary as the cottage is difficult to keep warm. Thankfully I was able to swap out my winter coat before coming today. Wearing a maternity coat when you aren't pregnant anymore is not a good look for anyone.

I look at my watch. It's close to 2:00 and we should be heading back.

"We should go." I say to Ella.

"Come here dear, look at these jeans. They would look lovely on you," she says.

"They're nice but I don't need them. I wear leggings most of the time." I tell her.

"You used to wear these all the time," she replies, unwilling to put the jeans back.

I sigh. "That was before I had to care for an infant. Now, I like stretchy comfortable pants. Plus, I really don't have a lot of space. I have everything I need. I certainly enjoy the fact that the only mess that gets on me now comes from Ava." I say as I try to give her a smile.

"I just want you to have whatever you need. I hate that you are doing this all by yourself. I wish you would let me help you," she says, giving me a meaningful look.

"I know but I'm not sacrificing. I have Ava and she's all I need."

"Don't get mad but I'm still hoping that you and Ranger will get together. I know he loves you and that he's miserable without you." She pauses and touches my arm, stopping me from my heated response. "I know he hurt you unimaginably. AND that he deserves to suffer. But, you will suffer too. You both are one and the same. You can't punish him without punishing yourself."

"I'm not punishing him. I'm here aren't I?"

"Not on purpose. I know you aren't punishing him on purpose but it's still the same. He has changed," she says, going in a different direction. "He's not the same man he was. He's human now. Before, he was this determined single focused soldier. He was hard and unfeeling. Now, he has emotions. He doesn't show them to his men. No. But I've seen him. I've seen him stare at Ava's photo for hours. Yours too. I have to force him to eat. He was spending all his free time looking for you and after he found you, he spent his time reading books about babies. He's spending more time with his family. Well, at least his Mama. She comes once a week to have dinner with him. He told her about you and Ava. You are his life now whether you want to be or not." She pauses. "I agree that he doesn't deserve you. I know he messed up so badly and that you are fully justified in walking out and never looking back. But I also see both of you hurting. My dear, you cannot walk away from him without leaving a big part of your heart." Ella finishes and I'm stunned. I haven't looked at it like this. When I was full of hatred, I thought we were at the end. Hate filled my heart. Now that the hate and anger has faded and gone, I have an emptiness. I thought that it would go away or that Ava would fill that part. I got distracted on how I would manage letting Ranger into Ava's life, I didn't stop to consider that the emptiness wasn't really emptiness inside my heart. It was actually the part of my heart that I had given away. That part of my heart, I'll never get back. Ava can't fill that loss and it's not fair to her for me to force her to try. She's my daughter, she occupies a different part altogether. I don't quite understand it but I know there's truth to what Ella says. I need to process this but now is not the time.

"I hear what you are saying and I promise I'll think about it. But we need to get back, Ava will need to eat soon and she gets really fussy when she has to wait."

The trip back to the Aquarium is quiet. I catch Les stealing looks at me from the rearview mirror. He's unusually quiet. It's very strange that this whole situation changed everyone so much. It's like the happiness was sucked out of all of us. I hate it. No matter what, I didn't want anyone to be this altered. I feel guilt and I shake my head. How many times have I said, 'it's not my fault'? That's going on my list of hates too, along with 'I'm sorry'.

When we arrive back at the parking lot Les asks if he could talk to me privately and Ella gets out of the car and walks toward the front doors. He turns in his seat and gives me a sad smile.

"I wanted to apologize to you about my part in all of this..." He begins and I cut him off.

"It's not your fault Les. I'm not mad at you. I'm not mad at anyone anymore." I tell him but he doesn't seem convinced.

"You had my back and trusted me and I didn't do the same for you. I let you down. I wasn't a very good friend to you."

"You and Ranger are family, brothers. There was evidence that was hard to ignore. Everything happened so fast. I don't blame you, Les." I try to reassure him.

"Thank you for that but I don't think I'll be letting myself off the hook that easily."

"Please don't do that. Please don't beat yourself up. This mess is between Ranger and me. I was never mad at you or any of the guys. I really don't want you to feel bad." I try to convince him. He takes a deep breath but remains silent.

"It's good to see you. We've missed you so much. You have no idea..." He pauses for a beat. "My number is still the same. You can call me for anything Steph," he adds and turns to open his door.

"Thanks, Les, it's good to see you too." I say and open my door as well. We get out and he comes up to me and wraps his arms around me and gives me a bone crushing hug.

"Easy there, big guy. You're going to crush me." I say to lighten the mood. He releases me and smiles.

"Let's go see Ella muscle Ava away from Ranger, it'll be fun to watch," he says and pulls me toward the front doors. I smile at the image of Ella putting Ranger in his place.

When we get into the main area, I look around and don't see anyone. Les pulls out his phone and opens an app. "This way." he says and off we go toward the left. Back in a corner, I see Ella wrestling Ava out of the infant carrier and hugging her to her chest. Ranger, frowning, is not happy at the loss. Les and I approach and Ranger turns to us, his frown relaxing. "Okay cousin, my turn. I'll take Ella on if I have to." he says and his eyes widen when Ella gives him a look over Ava's head. That makes me smile.

"Thank you for coming." Ranger says to me, ignoring Les.

"I know this isn't ideal." I say feeling guilty that I can't invite him to where I live or go to Trenton. "We'll have to think of somewhere more secure to meet up next time. I didn't realize you would need to bring so many guys with you. I don't want to be a burden..." I get out before he interrupts me.

"You're not a burden." he says emphatically. "They demanded to come. They said they'd just follow me if I didn't let them come," he adds on a lighter note.

"We can try a hotel room next time. You can have more privacy but there won't be a lot for her to do, just swimming. Swim diapers start at six months and hotel pools are usually highly chlorinated so I don't know..." I ramble.

"Would you consider meeting at my Mama's house in Newark?" he asks, surprising me.

"Uh, I don't know." I stammer, suddenly nervous. What do these people think of me? How can I...

"I've told my Mama all about you. I've told her how much I screwed up. She was disappointed in me. She was very glad you did what you did. She's helped me get through everything. She would love to see Ava." he says, reading my fear.

I take a breath and think about it. I wouldn't have to stay there. It's not like I would have to sit on her couch in an uncomfortable silence. I could just drop her off and go do something. I could take Dr. King and Lex with me and then I could give them more time. I could pump and then they'd have more than three hours in a row. I could have Dr. King and Lex wait in the car when I dropped Ava off. "That may work. I can drop her off and then come back when it's time." I say and see a little flash of disappointment cross his face. "What?" I ask, irritated. It was his idea.

"It's just that I wish you would stay too," he admits and I furrow my brow. "I miss you too. I want to see you as well," he adds, and I remain silent.

"I'll think about it. How about we plan for something at the end of next month." I suggest. I hear Ava starting to protest. Les had handed her back over to Ella because like all men, crying babies need to be given to the nearest female. I smile at this. Nothing brings a big man down like the crying of a little baby.

"I have to feed her and then we'll be off. I have to get home." I say to the group and take the diaper bag from Ranger. The mood sombers a little. Ella follows me to the place I used when I got here. I had given him three hours and I felt that everything went okay. It makes me trust him a little more.

"Why don't we eat in the cafeteria before we head out. You have to be hungry." she says. Right on cue, my stomach protests its empty status. I was just going to grab something from a fast food place but that isn't ideal. I can't eat that unhealthy stuff anymore and since I haven't in a long time, it would probably upset my stomach.

"That's a good idea but then I really need to go." I tell her.

Eating in the cafeteria is a little odd. It's strained but Ella's non-stop questions about Ava manage to keep it from being too awkward. No one asks where I'm living or anything personal about me. I guess Ranger has prepared them well. Another thing to trust him for. Would it be so terrible to get back to that blind trust I had for him? I know he would do anything for me and Ava. Look at his history before the incident, I can see the evidence of his love long before we even got together. He had been showing me that he loved me while he was telling me he couldn't. He had always been a contradiction. It makes sense that he was at war with himself. I start to feel more of the protective walls fall away as I start to admit some of these things to myself.

I'm thinking about the words Tank and Bobby said to me. Each of them apologized like Les did. I assured both of them that they weren't responsible for how everything went down. One thing that really bothered me is what Bobby told me. He said that Hector took it really hard. I guess he's the one that hacked into my record. If he hadn't done that, this whole thing wouldn't have happened. He quit Rangeman and went back to the streets. The guys have tried to reach out to him but he won't listen. I feel really bad about that. I don't blame him. He was just doing what he's always done when investigating a situation. I honestly only blame Joe and Jeanne Ellen. They're the ones who purposefully tried to hurt me, to cause problems with us. They instigated this. I don't want to pass that tidbit along to any of these men who would avenge me as a way to make amends. No, I think I'll keep that to myself. I do want to reach out to Hector though.

The drive back goes quickly and everything is fine back home. I had put Lex in protection mode with Dr. King and he followed him like a shadow. Everything flowed back into our normal schedule and with the exception of weather interferences, we have really predictable days.

Over the next few weeks, I think a lot about everything everyone said. I have plenty of time to think since Dr. King, Ava and Lex keep their personal thoughts pretty quiet. I smile at that. Pretty soon, Ava will bring chatter and then I'll wish for the deafening silence that is my current life.

***Feb 10

I need to call Ranger to arrange something. I promised him the end of February, and that's only a couple of weeks away. I noticed that several times during the last weeks, I've wanted to send him a photo of Ava. I got a picture of her and Lex that was so cute. Ava was sitting in her bouncer on the ground and, I believe, yelling for Lex. When he finally came over, he smelled her face and she smiled, bigger than I have ever seen. I grabbed my camera and got a really good photo of them. I made it my screen saver.

I dial Ranger and he answers on the second ring.

"Hello?" he asks, not using the normal 'Yo' greeting of our past.

"Hi, it's me." I say and then pause.

"How are you? How's Ava?" he asks and there doesn't seem to be an awkward silence like the last time we spoke.

"Good, we're good." I say. "I'm calling to schedule a time for you to see Ava." I add, trying to get through this. I have mostly decided that I would take Ava to his parents house in Newark.

"Okay. I'm glad you called."

"I'm okay with bringing Ava to your parents house but I have a couple of requests." I begin and he quickly adds an 'okay' so I continue. "First, no one else. Or, ah I mean, I don't want a big production." I stammer out. "If you need someone to watch your back, that's fine, I just, uh, I'm not there to meet your family or anyone other than your parents." I say. Crap, this is hard. The fact that I wanted to know everything about him and I secretly longed to meet his family is not lost on me. Technically, I met his mom in the hospital after he was shot but I was such a wreck, I don't remember very much. "Second, I'll have someone with me so I can't stay. I'm only going to bring Ava in and then I have to leave but I'll bring you a supply of milk so you can feed her. This will give you more time with her. I hope that this is okay with you. I tried to give you what you wanted...so..." I trail off.

"Who will you have with you?" he asks rather stiffly and I'm instantly aggravated.

"That is none of your business." I say coolly, no longer nervous or stammering and I hear him take a deep breath. I got angry the last time he asked if I was married and I told him I wasn't nor would I ever get married again. He shouldn't make the same mistake again.

"Fine" he forces out the word. "They're welcome to come in as well." he adds and I know that he's actually trying. It also points to the fact that he doesn't know about Dr. King or he wouldn't be on high alert as to who I was bringing. Something to think about but I still don't feel the need to reassure him.

"How about two weeks from tomorrow? That's February 25th. I'll come around lunchtime and pick her up seven or so hours later. She's eating more at a time and giving me longer between feedings."

"I miss you Steph." he says. "I can't wait to see you both." I get the feeling that he wants to say more but he doesn't. I ignore his words.

"Is the date okay?" I ask.

"Yes. It's fine," he answers. "Tell me about Ava." I give him the rundown about everything she's been doing since I saw him last. I even tell him about the photo and said I would bring him a copy in two weeks. I stay on the phone for another few minutes. He seems reluctant to end the call. Before, he would just hang up without saying goodbye. Just one more aspect of the new Ranger that I see now.

In the next two weeks, I plan the day and make necessary preparations. I found out the Thomas Edison National Historical Park was of great interest to the scientist/physician that is Dr. Thomas Edison King. He is thrilled we would spend the day touring Thomas Edison's laboratories and home. I even arranged for Grandma to meet us there shortly after we arrive. I'm excited to see her and even though she is disappointed that she wouldn't get to see Ava very much, she is excited to come. The train ride would be a pain but it is worth it to spend some quality time together.