A/N Everything you recognize belongs to Janet Evanovich. Thank you to Kathy's amazing beta skills, Heather for all her sound advice and encouragement and Lisa who did a little of both! A huge Thank You to the readers, you guys make all the hard work worth it!

~Chapter 28

***Feb 25th

The day of the trip has arrived and I'm nervous. Nervous because I'm meeting his Mama. I don't remember her much and I didn't remember anything about his dad. He never outright talks about him but what he mentioned in regard to emotional attachment, I'm guessing there's some problems there.

I load everyone up and we get on the road in time to make it to Newark at noon. The drive is uneventful and we arrive a little early to pick up Grandma. She took the train to Newark and was waiting for us when we arrived. I feel guilty for not picking her up in Trenton but I really really don't want to go back there. She seems to understand but I feel guilty anyway. Since she lives in my old apartment, she has a lot more freedom. The whole building is full of people that she hangs out with and lots of them have cars and still drive. I should know, I could never get a parking spot when I lived there. I smile to myself at that thought. I love that she's in her element. Finally living now that my mother is no longer clipping her wings. Her judgment is harsh and her view on life is unforgiving. I'm glad that I'm no longer subject to it. I do worry that Val's kids are going to be exposed to her. I know MA was a free spirit and I pray that she survives it. I worry that Val won't shield her enough.

I take a deep breath and wait as Dr. King gets out and helps Grandma in the car. He's such a gentleman. We're waiting in a pickup area so I don't get to greet her properly. I talk to her every day but I haven't physically seen her since December.

She declines sitting in the front so she can sit back with Ava. Her sleeping doesn't stop Grandma from kissing her and she eventually wakes her up. Good thing we're close to our destination. I hadn't planned on feeding Ava since I brought lots of milk. Feeding her with a bottle is new so I hope she does okay. Ranger's mom probably has lots of practice with this.

I follow the GPS to Ranger's parents house and I vaguely recall driving in this area when Ranger and I were looking for Scrog. We drive through the same neat and tidy little homes like in the Burg. I pull in the driveway of a single family home that's been well taken care of. It's the nicest home on the block probably thanks to Ranger. I briefly wonder why they haven't moved from here but assume that they want to be near their children and friends like the majority of folks living in these close communities. Thoughts of the Burg still make me angry. I like the notion of a close community but that's not what was happening in the Burg. It was a nosey, judgmental prison that beat any individuality out of a person. It was a Stepford wives training ground. I imagine every place was better than what I had.

My thoughts were interrupted by Grandma announcing to Ava that we have arrived and I'm jolted with a shot of fear. I'd been driving on autopilot these last few blocks, lost in thought and hadn't even taken my foot off the brake. I take a deep breath and put the car in park, leaving the ignition running. The front door opens and I see Ranger and a small woman come out onto the porch and down the steps. It's cold outside so I had planned to bring her in alone and get out as quickly as I can. I guess Ranger wanted to see who I was bringing. I suppress an eye roll and am satisfied with a sour expression and shaking my head.

I get out and lean in the backseat and zip Ava's outer cover to bundle her from the cold air. I do this amidst protests from Grandma. I unlatch her and pull her diaper bag off the floor and emerge from the back seat just as Ranger and his mother get to me. Lex has jumped out and stands sentry next to me as the pair approach. I stand there holding Ava in the crook of my arm when Ranger's mom pulls me into a hug. I give Lex the order to stand down.

"Thank you Stephanie for coming. I'm so glad you both are here. Come in, I can't wait to see my little granddaughter," she says to me. She releases me and I follow them up the driveway. Ranger takes the carrier away and lifts it up eye level so he can peek through the cover. He lifts the flap and is rewarded with a big grin. I watch as Ranger's face lights up at the greeting. I understand. Ava's smiles are definitely worth lighting up for. I ask Dr. King and Grandma to stay in the car. They would just delay the hand off and they agreed.

I'm ushered into their house and am immediately wrapped in a warmth that only comes from loving homes. I look around and see nice furnishings but it takes a backseat to the personal touches. From the big family photo over the fireplace, the homemade decoration on shelves to the basket of toys tucked into the corner. This home screams welcome children, and shots, you are my priority. It's a very different feel than my home where nothing children related was on display. When Val's kids come over, they either have to watch TV with Grandpa or bring their own games or toys. Interesting. I realize that I've created and will continue to create a warm and welcoming environment for children like the Manoso's have. Ranger has busied himself with getting Ava out of the carrier and into his arms while his mother is focused on me.

"Stephanie, come in. It is so good to see you again," she says as she tries to take my coat off.

"It's nice to see you again, Mrs. Manoso but I can't stay. I have people waiting for me in the car and..." She interrupts me but stops trying to take my coat.

"Please call me Maria" she corrects me and pulls me in for another hug. "I'm so sorry Estimada." she whispers in my ear. That little gesture has me feeling less anxious. I wasn't sure how Ranger's family would react but I wasn't expecting this warm greeting.

Ranger has been holding Ava and talking to her in a mixture of Spanish and English but when his Mom lets me go she turns her sights on Ava.

"You've said hello, now it's my turn." his mom says in a voice that expects full obedience. It's fun to see Ranger getting bossed around by a little Latino woman with a take charge attitude.

After his mom takes Ava off somewhere deeper in the house, I bend down to pick up the discarded diaper bag. I open the top and pull out the cooler. "Here's her milk. I pumped more than I think she'll need so you should be all set. I fed her at 9:00am so she'll be ready to eat soon." I say handing the small bag to him. "Everything you'll need is in the diaper bag. If you have any problems, call me. We're planning on going to a museum and then to dinner. I'll be back by 7:00. I don't want to be on the road late so I won't be able to stick around much later than that. Do you have any questions?"

Ranger has been staring at me the whole time and I have to work hard not to ramble. It's funny how easy it is to fall back into old patterns. He used to intimidate me and honestly, it made me treat him like a superhero. He had the ability to unnerve me. I was powerless. Now, I refuse to be intimidated by him or anyone else. I have to be strong for Ava. I want to teach her to be loving and kind but also not to just bow down to someone else's dreams for you. I want her to be strong enough to deal with everything that comes her way. That is my definition of flying. The freedom to be who you want and not apologizing for it. Reaching for your dreams while dealing with life but staying true to yourself. That's what I want for her.

"If I haven't told you already, you are doing an amazing job with Ava." he says and pauses. "I miss you." he adds and pulls me into a hug with me still holding out the cooler bag. He wraps me in his arms and takes a deep breath. "I want to buy a house close to where you live so I can see you and Ava more." he blurts out after the hug lasts longer than it should. I pull away.

"We can talk about that later." I tell him. "I can't leave them in the car too long. I don't know for sure that my Grandma can't hot wire it." I say, trying to change the mood. I see a smile play on his lips.

"Tell your Mom I said bye." I tell him and leave. Ranger follows me out to the front porch and watches me get into the car. Grandma and Dr. King are talking excitedly about the museum. Well, at least Dr. King is excited. I had left Lex in the car with them since they needed supervision more than myself or Ava at the moment. Lex is the definition of a trained service dog so he's going into the museum with us. I have a vest for him so he can go everywhere I go. I get back in the car and pull out of the driveway and we head off to the museum.

RPOV

I take a deep breath and watch as my Babe pulls away. Never in a million years would have believed that one little girl from the Burg would change my world so much. She didn't even try. I fought it for years. I shake my head at all the wasted time. If only I wasn't such a pig headed fool. I think as I go and search for my Mama.

She's in the kitchen when I arrive. She has Ava in the high chair propped up with towels and has toys sitting on the tray instead of food. I remember from the books I read that babies don't eat solid food until they're about six months. I look in the cooler bag and see several bottles of breast milk. All have dates of when they were pumped. It looks like these were from the last two days. A quick look online tells me they are good for 4 days so I plan to use them in order.

Ava doesn't last long in the high chair and she is soon rescued by me when she starts to fuss. I walk around pointing out different things much like I did in Maine. My Mama reluctantly lets me have Ava since she knows I haven't seen her in a month. That's probably the only reason she let me have my way.

Thirty minutes later, I stroll into the kitchen looking to warm up the bottle. Ava was not able to be distracted from her grumbling belly. "I understand mi querido nino. Your Mama doesn't do well when she's hungry either." I murmur to her as I pull open the fridge and get the bottle of milk. My Mama comes over and takes the bottle away from me. She puts it on the counter and fills a measuring cup of water and puts it in the microwave. She shoos me out of the kitchen promising to bring me the milk when it's ready. I guess she's been through this a time or two. Rachel had already switched to formula by the time I saw Julie for the first time so this is different. I am pacing in the living room when Mama brings in the bottle.

I sit down on the couch and get her into a position to feed her and put the bottle in her mouth. She shakes her head from side to side, not latching onto the nipple. I try to soothe her and get her to latch on. She does at first but then she would move her head. Breast milk is leaking all over the place and that only seems to frustrate her more. I know I'm getting frustrated. I look at my Mama in despair. I really didn't want her to see me as a complete disaster but here I'm again showing her just that. She sits next to me and pulls Ava over on her lap.

"How does Stephanie feed her?" She questions.

"She has a Boppy pillow and uses the football hold, at least that's what she did in Maine."

"Okay, hand me a pillow." she commands and proceeds to set Ava up in the same position. She's talking soothingly to Ava and gets her to calm a little. I hand her the bottle and again Ava refuses to latch onto the nipple. We try for about ten minutes. We branch out and try many different holds and techniques. Ava just flat out refuses it. "You need to call her." my mother says.

I pull out my phone and walk back into the kitchen where it's quieter and place the call. She answers on the first ring.

"Hello" she greets.

"We can't get Ava to take the bottle. She won't latch onto the nipple. She's been crying for a while. Can you come back?" I say and there's a pause. I hear her talking to her Grandmother but I can't make out the words. I look at my watch. She's only been in my care for 20 minutes and I had to call. I'm failing at this fatherhood thing, again.

"I'll be there in about twenty minutes. Just walk around patting her on the back until I get there." she says and hangs up. I do exactly what she says and as I get Ava to calm a little, she's still unhappy about being so hungry.

Stephanie arrives twenty two minutes later. I have been watching for her and telling Ava that she is on the way. When I open the door for her, I swear Ava let out an exasperated sigh. Yeah, I agree. She has Ava on her back and eating in ten seconds flat.

"I'm sorry she wouldn't eat for you. I thought as long as it was her normal milk that she'd be okay. If I'd known, I would have practiced with her." she says.

"That may not have worked, Estimado. If you're here, Ava expects to eat like she is. Only someone else can feed her with a bottle. She can smell your milk and will hold out for you. She must learn how to drink from a bottle. The nipple is different and she won't care for that at first. You'll need to train her but you cannot do it alone." my Mama says to her in a gentle tone. My Mama is trying to ease all of us and it works.

"No one else has ever fed her before. I just pumped the milk for the first time two days ago. I didn't think Ava would have a problem. I'm sorry." Stephanie says.

"It's okay. She'll be fine, she'll get it." my Mama reassures her as she gets up to give us some privacy.

Stephanie just stares at Ava as if she's mesmerized by her. I feel like an outsider so I get up and go into the kitchen.

"I can come back when she needs to eat again." she says and I pause at the door. I feel like I'm failing and that she'll be right to shut me out of their lives but her words stop me. She's not trying to push me away.

"If it won't interfere with your plans?" I begin.

"Oh it's okay... Really. I'm sorry I didn't consider this. I don't really have anyone I can ask about this kind of stuff. I didn't know." she says and shrugs. Her comment guts me, knowing I'm the reason she doesn't have anyone to ask. I'm the reason she's alienated from her family and friends.

"That's my fault." I tell her. "I'm the reason that you don't have family and friends to help you."

"No. You're not the reason my family and friends turned their backs on me. You're not the reason Helen Plum is the way she is." she says and I close my eyes. Nothing she can say will absolve my guilt. "If Julie came to you and told you she was pregnant, would you turn your back on her? No, you would be hurt and scared for her and disappointed at the situation but you would never turn your back on her. You would probably make the father disappear if he didn't step up but you would never turn your back on Julie." she says and I know she's right. "You didn't make my parents into uncaring people, you just revealed it."

"I don't want you to hate them for everything. I feel like this never would have happened if it weren't for me. I know I screwed up and I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I want it anyway. I want you to let me take the pain away. I want to make everything better. Better than what it was before." I tell her and she remains silent.

"I have forgiven you. I don't know about the rest of it though. I know that I want you in Ava's life. I want her to know who her dad is. I want her to know you as the hero. The good man that I know you can be..."

"Not the asshole that I was to you." I finish for her and she gives me a half smile.

"Well, you have your moments." she says, lightening the mood. She switches Ava to the other breast and continues to feed her.

"I'm serious about buying a house close to you. I can work remotely and spend more time with you and Ava. I already have it set up. I'm just waiting..." I let the rest trail.

"I heard you. I don't want to take you away from Trenton. I know how much you're needed there and how much you love Rangeman." she says, meeting my eyes.

"I love you more." I tell her simply and she looks back at Ava, unwilling to accept what I'm telling her.

"When Ava is done, I need to go back to the museum. We had just gotten there and were planning on getting a quick bite to eat and then looking around for a few hours. If we had time, then we would go find somewhere to eat dinner. We can come back this way and I can feed Ava then go find a place for dinner.".

"You're all welcome to eat here." I say and her reaction tells me that she doesn't like that plan. "Or I can bring Ava to you, whatever's more convenient for you." I add quickly.

"I'll let you know about what I decide for dinner. I'll either bring my party this way so I can feed Ava or I'll have you bring Ava to us. You don't need the base to fasten her in the car. The carrier can be anchored in with seatbelts." she says and I hadn't even considered this. There is a big difference in book knowledge I have with babies and her hands on knowledge. Today's bottle dilemma left us both scrambling though.

Stephanie leaves not long after that and I spend the rest of the afternoon with my daughter. My Mama jumped in here and there but for the most part let me have private time with her, which I appreciated.

At 1500 hours, I get a text from Steph telling me that I could meet them at the Outback restaurant in Newark in an hour. I suspect that she was going by when Ava needs to eat. I'm glad that she trusted me to meet her friends and that more of her secrets would be revealed. I hated not researching her but I know beyond a shadow of doubt that it would be the final nail in my coffin. I'm pretty proud of myself for the extreme amount of restraint I've shown.

I let my Mama know the new plan and she suggests that before we leave we should try to introduce the bottle again without her being overly hungry. That was a good idea and we did try again but did not have any more success than we did the first time. I guess my daughter is stubborn. I would blame it on Steph but I suspect that her Manoso genes have a bit of stubbornness as well.

I park in the parking lot and text Steph that we've arrived. She startles me by knocking on the back door to let her in. She hops in the backseat and pulls Ava out of her car seat. She had dozed on the fifteen minute drive over. She for sure takes after her mother on this one. Steph busies herself getting Ava ready to eat.

"I work for an old college friend. Her grandfather is getting older and has the beginnings of Alzheimer's. He's taking medication to slow the progression and he's pretty stable. He's a retired pediatrician and I live in a cottage at his house. He lives on the beach in Cape May. He's the one who was given Lex. However, Lex and I bonded so there's no doubt that Lex is my dog. It works out well but I have an obligation to care for Dr. King. He has two grandchildren, Sarah, my roommate junior and senior year at Douglas and her brother Jason, both live far away." she tells me and I continue to wait.

"So now you know where to find me. I'm trusting you to give me my privacy and not just show up unannounced, installing trackers and making demands."

"I'm respecting your privacy and I will continue to do so." I tell her, squashing my instinct to get irritated at her tone and the implication that I would make demands on her.

"Do you mind if I look for homes in the Atlantic City area? Then we can meet up and it'll have everything set up for what we need."

"I hate that you have to go to the trouble and expense to do that." she says and I need to put a stop to that way of thinking.

"You and my daughter are no trouble. I would do anything to make you happy. You must know that."

"I haven't touched the money in that account. It's your money and you can use some of that to buy a place" she says and I again have to work to push down my anger.

"No, that's your money. I gave that to you. I don't need it to buy a place for us. I want you to use it for whatever you want. I would recommend that you invest it so you could accrue interest. That kind of money invested wisely would net a pretty decent yearly income."

"I don't want your money." she reiterates, rather forcefully.

"I need you to take it. I need you to take it because it will mean that you can trust me. I need you to trust me."

"I can't take the money. If I take it then you'll be right. That I tricked you into giving me money..." she begins but I interrupt her.

"You didn't trick me. I don't believe that you did this on purpose. You got a defective shot. You trusted that the birth control medication you received was good and it wasn't. You are free and clear of responsibility." I say, letting a little irritation creep into my voice.

"But taking the money would cheapen me. I don't expect you to understand. But, if you're ever accused of something so terrible then see if you'd feel good about taking a payment for it. Maybe then you'll understand." she says then she pulls Ava up to pat her gently on the back. Once Ava is burped and changed, we bring her into the restaurant and find Dr. King and Grandma sitting in a circular booth.

After formal introductions are made, there is an awkward silence lasting for several minutes. The women aren't outright hostile to me but there are definitely concerning looks coming from both until Dr. King starts telling stories about his practice. He tells stories of Stephanie in her college years and the situations that she and Sarah found themselves in. Edna seems enthralled at everything he says. Interesting.

I focus my time between listening to stories and playing with Ava. She stays in her car seat and I continue to hand her toys and show her new ways to interact with them.

When dinner is over, I had worked up enough courage to ask her if I could see them sooner than our once a month plan. I intended to ask her privately as I was sure that Dr. King would welcome me to his home. He is a very friendly man and loves company. He would have agreed and tagged along if I offered.

"I want to take a look at some real estate options and I want you to look too. Maybe I can put something together for next weekend. I could pick you up and we could drive up the coast together and take a look." I say. Edna has obviously overheard and offers to come with us. That caught my attention. Maybe Edna Mazur has a little thing for Dr. King? Stephanie smiles at the look on my face. I guess I didn't have my blank mask in place.

In the end, we make plans for the following weekend for me to pick up Edna and bring her to Cape May. Edna would stay with Dr. King so Steph and I could drive up to look at a few properties and spend the night. Edna and Dr. King are planning on going to the movie theater to catch an old movie marathon so it is easier on Steph to get away without guilt. Yet again, I find myself appreciating Edna Mazur and the opportunity she's providing me, intentionally or not.