TAKE A MULLIGAN
A/N - another super special thanks to Scarlett88 for her eyes! I love having a collaborator to bounce ideas off of and someone to catch all my typos and grammar errors! THANKS SCARLETT YOU'RE THE BEST!
This story just came to me in the last day, my muse was feeling angsty so I had to break from Some Origins of Fire for a little bit and get this out. As I started it, i thought it would be a oneshot, maybe a 2shot. I think it's ending up as 4-5 chapters MAX. Hope you enjoy the angst (c'mon it's fun! and really, this isn't as bad as I've seen it get! LOL)
THANKS FOR READING - PLEASE REVIEW! Love love to see feedback!
Also, I don't own Glee. If I did it would have had a better ending. :) SORRY R.I.B. LUV U GUYS!
CHAP 2 - A SORT OF HOMECOMING
He shook the empty tumbler containing partially melted ice and called out, "Hey Mack, can I get another down here? Make it a double, and another stout."
"Finn, if ya don't slow down yer liver might jump ship. And ya kinda need yer liver m'friend. I'll get yer refill, but then you're cut off," Mack Mulligan says to the familiar tall man seated at the end of the bar in his pub.
"Fine fine… ffffine…. Macky my man, you do that. Cut cut cut. I'm sure I've had my fill for one night anyway… and there's always tomorrow," Finn slurred heavily to the bartender, an older, kind hearted Irishman who'd become his best and only friend over the last couple of months.
"Finnegan me boy. What sorta ghosts 'er yas tryin' ta exorcise this fine eve? Seems ya've got a reason most nights - even if they're usually bad reasons… " the older man chuckled.
"OH Macky.. Nothing special tonight. Jus'.. celebrating. S'the anniversary of the day I destroyed my life and future happiness. Oh, and apparently, drove the only girl I ever loved and was s'posed to marry into the arms of another man, who I hear she's planning to marry soon.. Apparently. Idn't that super awesome? CHEERS MACKY!" Finn raises his newly refilled tumbler high up over his head, then quickly gulps down half the liquid within.
"Always for the loss of a woman… D'ya wanna talk about it?" Macky asks while washing out some bar glasses.
Finn just looks at him, wishing daggers could actually be levitated and thrown his way. "No."
"Well sunny boy-o, yer not gonna find any sage advice in the bottom o' that scotch glass there, I can assure ya that much."
"Never said I was seeking 'sage advice' Mack. You Irish jus' like given' it away for free. One of the reasons we've been talking at all is because we don't talk about this." Finn states dryly as he finishes his apparent last scotch on the rocks of the night.
"Well lemme ask ya this laddie.. If ya had it to do over, would ya've done differ'nt?"
He stares at the ice in the empty glass in front of him for a long time. It's the same damn question he's asked himself every damn day for 6 years. "I don't know Mack. I had my reasons, they were solid at the time… But I'm hearing things now that maybe… maybe I.." Finn rubs a calloused hand repeatedly over the back of his neck as if willing to scrub a revelation out of it, and feeling like an asshole for ever opening the door of opportunity to another man. "Aw fuck. I just don't know. I don't fucking KNOW." He blows out a long frustrated breath.
"Was she a good lass?"
**I'm the only person in your life who knows you and accepts you for who you are, no matter what**
He lifts his glass to his lips, sucking up few ice cubes to chew on. "The best. Better than the best…. And there will never be another." He trades the glass for his beer, quickly downing half of the stout ale and slams the bottle down on the bar, as if to put an exclamation point on the end of that statement. **I'll never break up with you**
A familiar voice is heard from the other end of the bar. "Hey Irish. Can I get some service down here? Been on the road a hella long time and I'm pretty damned thirsty. I wants to get my drink on. And trust me, you're not solving HIS goddamned problems tonight, maybe not even in this lifetime."
Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Why is she here? How in the hell….
She orders a classic old fashioned and walks down to the empty seat next to Finn. "Is this seat taken?" she coyly bats her lashes at him and does a little hip-shimmy for effect. The stunning Latina brunette in her black pencil skirt, fuck me 4 inch black heels and almost see-through sheer navy colored blouse could certainly garner attention from anyone with a pulse - male or female.
He doesn't even look up. "Yes Santana. It's taken, but you go right ahead, I was just leaving."
"SIT YOUR ASS DOWN LURCH," she roars at him. Realizing that came out a little harsher than intended, she softens her tone and continues.
"Look, I came way too far to have you just scurry off like a wounded dog with his tail between his legs and disappear on me again. We really need to talk," she places her hand on his forearm, her demeanor softening. "I hope you'll stay and listen. I won't tell anyone where you are, but I am worried about you, whether you believe me or not." She looks at him with sincerity and sips on her drink.
He finally gives her a sideways glance, but he can also see her reflection in the mirror over the bar. "You're looking good as always. Years have treated you well I see."
"Thanks, I know," she smirks. "Wish I could say the same."
"Fuck you." He laughs a half-hearted chuckle. He knows she's right. He knows he looks on the outside pretty much the way he feels on the inside. It's not good.
"Exactly why are you here San. I'm not going back. Unless it's about my mom and something serious I'm not—"
"Finn. If it weren't something serious do you really think I would have hauled myself all the way to Boston to find your Pilsbury Doughboy ass? Now tell me, have you read your brother's emails lately?"
"I have nothing to say to Kurt. I really don't want to hear whatever else he wants to tell me either, so no."
"You're really a… " she stops herself from launching into a full blown 'Lima Heights Adjacent' tirade on him. She tries another tack instead. "He's worried about you Finn. Everyone is, but he's your brother. I can understand keeping distance from most of the rest of the old assholes in your life, but not Kurt."
"So he sent you?"
"No, actually. That would be between your former best friend and myself."
"Great, so now he knows?"
"No Frankenteen. I said I wouldn't tell anyone where you are - I haven't, and I won't. "
"Good. So what's so urgent that you drove your beautiful Latina ass almost a thousand miles to talk about, hmmm? And if the next words out of your mouth have anything to do with New York or her you can— "
"She's in trouble Finn."
He bursts out laughing. "Jesus FUCK San! What did I just say? NO. Whatever her troubles are, I'm pretty sure there's someone else willing and able to swoop in to save her."
"Not if HE'S the fucking PROBLEM, Finn."
He turns and stares at her with a twisted face of apprehension. "What does that mean?"
"Read your email. I'm staying at the Marina Hotel, here's my info. Come find me when you're up to speed and we'll talk more. I'm gone in 36 hours though, so don't take your time, huh?"
With that she kisses him on the cheek and heads for the door, turning to Mack over her shoulder to say "That drink's on him by the way."
"Mudder Mary. Ya've got friends like THAT in dis world, and yer sitting here shooting the shit wit me all dis time? Boy-o. Go fix yer damned life." Mack states with incredulity.
"Yeah. Real sage advice there… thanks. G'night Mack."
. . . . . gleegleeglee * * * * *
2 Hours Later…
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
"Dios mio! es la mitad de la maldita noche…..sí, sí, Ok,ok! It's 3:30 AM, there'd better be a fire…."
She swings open the door and Finn rushes past her into the room not waiting for an invitation. He immediately begins pacing, speaking very fast and flailing his arms around.
"Okay just tell me what you know. This is.. Just what the fuck does he mean 'potentially lethal' Santana?"
She takes a deep breath and wipes the sleep out of her eyes. She sits on the loveseat and pushes the foot stool in front of her toward him, motioning for him to sit.
"Finn, the guy she's with, engaged to," he winces and squeezes his eyes shut tight but doesn't interrupt her. "He's apparently turning pretty abusive with her. Kurt says there's been ER trips, bruises, stitches.. I don't know how much worse it might be by now, and I don't know much more about what's happening behind closed doors than the very little Kurt has told me. But I can guess that what people can SEE is only the tip of the iceberg. She needs out of that shit, and she needs out NOW. Before it's too late."
He swallows hard several times looking up at the ceiling, as if hoping to find words up there. Then he growls through gritted teeth, "This guy is HITTING her. HURTING her. That's what you're telling me?" he spits out. His fists are balling at his sides and he feels his blood pressure rising to an uncomfortable thudding in his head, but that could also be in part due to the after effects of the booze.
"Well yeah, but it's more than just that. From what I've heard, it's kind of a two-way street with the domestic violence stuff. And she's also drinking. A LOT. She thinks nobody knows, but Kurt found her stash before she moved in with that ass-faced plastic man. And the whole sham of a relationship is just a toxic cesspool. He's got a pretty good drug habit too from what I've dug up so far. It's pretty severe, if my intel is accurate - and it always is."
Finn's fighting the urge to stand up and start punching and kicking things. He's virtually hyperventilating and tries his best to take a few deep breaths to calm himself. "Okay, so.. So. FUCK! What exactly am I supposed to do about this San? I'm pretty sure I'm the last person on this entire planet she'd want to see let alone listen to. No doubt she wrote me off right after.. after.. y-years ago. And why the hell would she want to hear from me now - except maybe to tell me what I already know, what a lowlife asshole I am."
"Okay maybe at first there'd be an adjustment phase, I can't lie there. What you did to her, yeah that was some cold shit." She leans over to be sure he can see her eyes and is really listening to her, then says, "Look, what I know is, she NEVER got over you. To this day. Kurt is 100% solid on that. She's settling for THIS shit life because she thinks he's the only one who will ever care enough to be with her again, now that she's so broken."
"Th-That's.. that's just insane. And anyway, look, I'm no therapist, not a couples counselor.. Maybe that's what she needs. Not me."
"Look me in the eyes and tell me you're over her. Tell me you don't love her, don't care if she lives or dies. If you can do that, then adiós amigo, we're done." He just stares at the floor, seething. "Yeah. I already know that's not the case, I know it because of the fact that we are sitting here, right here right now in the middle of the damned night having this conversation."
He takes a ragged breath in and holds it until his lungs begin to burn, then exhales unevenly, "I don't think I can do this, San. It's, it's.. it'll kill me. I can't ever go back. I know I did damage, and I-I just can't.. How can I look her in the eye ever again? It'd be like running over somebody, then just standing around and watching them bleed out." The wet drips leaking down his face just appear without warning. He rests his elbows on his knees and buries his face in his hands, clawing a little at his hair.
"Finn," she sits up and puts a hand on his knee and squeezes hard to get his attention, "Finn. Look at me. I know, I understand… at least I sort of think I do… why you did what you did. Why you're here now. I think I get it. I can see these six years have definitely NOT been any better for you than they have for her. But doesn't that speak volumes to you? Doesn't that alone tell you that THIS is not how it should be, for either of you?"
He sits sullenly for a long beat before finally saying, "Okay. What should I do?"
. . . . . gleegleeglee * * * * *
** Ding Dong **
"Blaine, can you see who's at the door please? I'm just about to get dinner on and my hands are full." Kurt bellows from the kitchen of their apartment.
"Got it babe!" He opens the door but is shocked to see the 6'3" familiar man framing the doorway. He's wearing a green hoodie over a black t-shirt, a Red Sox ball cap, and faded blue jeans with a hole in the knee. It appears he hasn't shaved in over a week and he's staring emotionlessly down at the floor.
"BABE.. KURT, COME OUT HERE NOW," he exclaims with a huge smile.
Finn finally looks up offers a meek smile to Blaine. He then rocks on the balls of his heels, hands shoved deep in his front pockets with his duffle sat on the floor next to him. He's sucking in his lips between his teeth and bites hard on them, bracing for the inevitable – "OH MY GAGA!" Kurt shrieks, easily passing the holy grail high-F note and piercing Finn's eardrums more than a little bit, causing him to squint and scrunch his face up. "FINN! Wh-wh,what, h-h-how.."
"Yeah, I know, I know...It's been… yeah." He sighs heavily. "C'mere little brother, do you still have a hug for me?"
Kurts tears are flowing freely before he takes the first step toward his brother, and he's suddenly rendered silent. He pulls Finn to a huge hug and hangs on tight, as if Finn's just arisen from the grave and may vanish again without warning. (To be fair, that really still could happen.) After a long moment, he pulls back and slaps him in the shoulder repeatedly, while chanting a slew of barely audible words, a holy meltdown of incomprehensible 'don't you evers' and 'scared to deaths' and 'your mothers' begin spewing from his mouth.
Finn just stands there wincing a bit and taking it like a man. Blaine stands off to the side waiting for the adrenaline overload to quell, and eventually hands Kurt a tissue. It's at that point Santana finally shows up in the open doorway. "Santo infierno the parking is SHIT on this side of town... Hey boys, Auntie Tana is back!"
After nearly an hour of catching Kurt up on his recent year of 'living' and vice-versa, the brothers fall to an uncomfortable silence. Finn finally breaks the tension.
"Kurt I'm not mad at you. You were looking out for her, as her best friend. I get it. As your brother, yeah, I almost wish you hadn't said anything, but I do understand why you had to, and honestly I guess I should be thanking you for it."
"Thank you Finn, thank you for understanding, and for forgiving me. As much as I realize why you wanted to block out all the Rachel of it all, I just knew you'd want to know about THIS."
"Yeah well, knowing about it and being here in the middle of it are totally different matters." Finn is picking at the hole in his jeans when he asks without looking up, "So. how is she?"
Kurt sighs wearily. "There's good days and bad, probably more bad, but it's a little unpredictable lately. It's always the worst around early June… "
"Do you think she'd want to see me? Or would it better if I-I just,..."
"YES Finn. Absolutely. I think you're the only person who can do this. You've always had that gift, like a Rachel-whisperer. I know there's history, I know this will be hard - for both of you. But I'm really scared for her Finn."
"What if she tells me to fuck off from where I came, then what?"
"Truth? She probably will tell you that - even maybe with those exact words. If so… you just, stand your ground. Wait for the fight to wear out of her. She'll break."
"Wh-.. she swears now? And DRINKS. Kurt what the hell," Kurt nods.
He just wats to climb in a hole. This is his own damn fault. **Home isn't a place, it's a person. You are my home Finn**
Ghosts. Macky had it so so right. Maybe I DO need an exorcist.
"Ok Kurt. I-I'll try. But I can't imagine I can just, like, show up wherever she is…. So how are we gonna do this?"
"Leave it all up to me brother dear. BLAINE! We're planning a dinner party, tout suite!"
. . . . . gleegleeglee * * * * *
Finn looks at his face in Kurt's guest bath mirror. He's fresh from the shower, so the steam has build up and fogged the glass. He wipes it down with his hand and stares at the reflection looking back. He decides it's time to start putting things right. Maybe doing that will find him some peace of mind. He can't control Rachel's reaction to his return, but he can make some small steps toward putting his own pieces back together before he even attempts the monumental task ahead of him of picking up hers. He can start with a proper shave.
The radio is playing softly in the background as Finn reaches for the razor. The song that's playing finally seeps into his attention, a song he hasn't heard for almost a decade. Psychedelic Furs, Heartbreak Beat. He closes his eyes, picturing it all in his mind as if it were yesterday. His head is dancing with visions of a blue denim skirt and a pink bowling ball…
[Sophomore year, bowling alley]
This is really good pizza.
Yeah, I think they import the pepperoni from Michigan or something.
How's Glee?
Oh, well, everybody misses you.
Mmm, they miss my talent.
No. No. We're your friends. We just miss having you around.
I love Glee. I just don't see the point in wasting my energies someplace I'm not appreciated.
I appreciate you.
It's your last ball. Just like the first time. But better.
[Both Laughing - she kisses him]
And it feels like love
But it don't mean a lot
And it feels like love
Come back to Glee… I don't know what's gonna happen in the future. I just wanna spend more time with you now.
I'll have to quit the play…. I'll do it.
There's a heartbreak beat
And it feels like love
Dammit. She was so selfless, all the way back to the beginning, at least when it came to me. And even then I screwed her over, played with her emotions. I knew that kiss was real, and the one before it. It was real to ME. I knew it was all I wanted - SHE was all I wanted, all the way back to the very beginning.
And she told me what she wanted back then too. I just didn't listen. I saw the talent blossom, heard all her life's dreams and aspirations pour out, but I missed the most important thing she said. All she really ever wanted was me. If she had the rest, great, but I was all she REALLY ever wanted. Her dreams had changed and I totally missed it.
**You'd forgive your first love anything**
"Goddamn you're a fuck up," he says to himself in the mirror.
. . . . . gleegleeglee * * * * *
"Blaine, is the table set? She'll be here any minute!"
"Yes darling, love of my life.. The table is set."
"Did you use the right place settings? You know I hate mixing the gold silverware with the silver trimmed china.."
"Yes I used the MATCHING silverware. Stop stressing!"
**DING-DONG**
Blaine answers the door before Kurt has a chance to bellow about it. "Rachel, sweetheart! You're a sight for sore eyes! Come in, come in!"
She enters the apartment and embraces her long time friend "Blaine! It's really good to see you. I'm so sorry I haven't been around much, you know, work has kept me busy and– "
"DIVA! Get your gorgeous little butt over her and give me a proper hug!" Kurt sways with her in a long embrace. "How are you my dear, and please don't lie to me because you know I'll know."
She lets out an exasperated sigh. "I'm okay Kurt. Could use your help with wedding plans, but otherwise I'm perfectly PERFECT."
Kurt studies over her features and can see the trace of a fading greenish-yellow bruise on her left cheekbone. She's tried to cover it up and it would probably pass to anyone who DOESN"T know stage makeup. He also can't help but notice the several bandaids applied to her right hand.
"What the hell happened to your hand Rachel?"
"Oh, n-nothing" she clears her throat, "I was careless washing the dishes and a glass broke in the dish water. It's just a f-few minor cuts and scratches, they'll heal."
She's hoping he'll buy that story, because she'd never admit that it actually happened when she punched her hand through a plate glass window by accident when aiming at Brody.
Kurt knows she's lying but decides there will be enough adrenaline flying around this apartment as soon as Finn joins the party. He lets it go. "You really need to be more careful hun. You could've been seriously injured!"
"Well I'm starving, so I hope dinner is almost ready. What are we having? The table looks wonderful and it smells delicious in here!" She turns to head toward the kitchen, when Finn slowly makes his way around the corner and right in her path.
She freezes and the smile on her face falls. She looks him in the eye for several long beats and then a rage begins to sweep through her. She turns to face Kurt with pure venom rising up, "KURT! Why? WHY would you… how could you bring me here knowing.. I CAN'T DO THIS!"
She starts to march toward the door, where Blaine is already waiting like goalie preparing to block a slapshot. In the unlikely event that she makes it out the door, Santana is waiting outside. The boys have already planned for this inevitability and have no intention of letting her leave. Kurt had dubbed it her 'Finntervention'.
She balls up her tiny fist as tears begin to well and her pulse is pounding in her ears. She gets right up to Blaine and attempts to swing at him while screeching "OPEN THAT DOOR RIGHT NOW BLAINE, I swear I'll never forgive you!" Blaine side steps the weak-willed jab easily, as Kurt comes to her side and tries to wrap her in a hug. She spins around on him and accidentally slaps him in the face.
Rachel's face has the look of shock, and she immediately realizes what she just did to Kurt. Before she has a chance to apologize, Finn steps in.
Finn had been standing back observing up til this point, as per his expected role in the pre-planning of this dinner party from hell. He was supposed to be silent and just wait until she calmed down. But he's been watching for what seems like an eternity. He cannot believe what he's seeing, what his Rachel has become - all because of him. He can tell these two clearly do NOT have a handle on the situation at all. But Kurt's slap in the face is the last straw, and he decides to step in.
"Rachel ENOUGH!" Finn booms at her. He'd hoped that startling her would snap her out of this fit of fury. She turns to face him now, her chest heaving and hot tears streaming uncontrollably. "AND YOU. YOU don't get to SPEAK to me! You should NOT be here! YOU, you SON OF A BITCH! You fucking, worthless bastard! I HATE YOU! I hate what you did to me!"
As her rant begins to rev up, she's been pointing and stepping closer to him. Once within arms reach, she makes an attempt to slap him in the face, but he sees it coming and catches her wrist. He easily swings her tiny body around so that she's facing away from him and he's now standing behind her. He pulls her back to him, flat against his body and wraps her in a huge bear hug, pinning both of her bent arms in front of her in the process. They fall down onto the sofa and he then wraps his legs around her and crosses them in front of her kicking flailing ones. His giant arms act like a straight jacket around her tiny frame as he carefully cradles her, and he's trying to force as much full body contact as possible.
He'd learned about swaddling babies, how it's supposed to soothe them, and the same goes for hysterical people. He's never seen in happen in real life but it looks real enough in those YouTube videos. He tries to stay wrapped around her just tight enough that she can't break free but not enough to hurt her.
He knows she's nowhere strong enough to break free of his tight embrace. She continues bucking and smacking her head back against his chest, screaming any obscenity she can think of, hoping at least to emotionally wound him to gain an advantage. She even tried to bite him once or twice but just couldn't manage a good angle.
This struggle continues for about another 10 minutes before she's finally depleting her energy. He can feel the shift in her body, the tension slowly releasing and the tremors taking over, weakening her resolve. Her breathing is finally slowing down and she's remained silent for a long while. Kurt and Blaine have been in the kitchen to listen from afar, peeking in occasionally and decide to take their dinner to their bedroom when they feel it's safe.
"It's ok Rach, it's ok. I know.. I just didn't want you to hurt yourself or anyone else. I can guess what this is like for you. It's just as hard for me, I promise. Now. If I let you go will you stay calm?"
She doesn't answer at first. "Rach?" Then the sobbing begins. "Rachel? Shh.. hey, hey, look at me please."
He releases his grip enough to turn to face her toward him while still sitting in his lap. She won't look him in the eye and she can't stop the violent sobbing that's erupting from her now.
He pulls her into an embrace and let's her cry it out. "Shh.. it's ok. Let it out. I know.. I know. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Rach. I wish I could take it back, I swear to god.. I'm so sorry." He wants to kiss the crown of her head, out of old habits, but he knows it's not right for him to do it. And now he's crying too. Dammit he still hates when she cries.
After thoroughly soaking his shirt with her tear stains, she finally allows his voice to wash over her. She's hearing the words he's saying and it seems to give her a second wind. She pushes up away from him and recoils to the other end of the sofa.
"You're sorry. You're sorry," she half questions as she stares at the floor. It's like she's trying to comprehend a foreign language. "Do you have any idea? What this did to me? How LONG it took for me to be, functional at all? But YOU'RE sorry…"
"Rach I have every idea, because— "
"NO. Don't call me that."
"Don't call you wh– oh." he sighs, with sad understanding. "Sorry. Rachel. But yeah, I have a pretty good idea what you've gone through because, well I have too.. And I know it's my OWN fault, I did this. To both of us. I swear if I could turn back time, I wouldn't have done it. I'd have gotten on that train. Or, maybe better yet I'd have let you defer the year, because what's ONE FUCKING YEAR in the grand scheme of life? Right?"
"A hell of a lot better than SIX, I can promise you that."
"Yeah." He offers a weak chuckle. "I don't blame you for hating me Rach-el. That's the very least I deserve for what I did to you.. to us. I know it's a lot, probably too much, to ask for forgiveness so I'm not gonna do that. Maybe we can start with, civility?"
She's staring at the wall silently. He knows she's processing, he knows it takes a while as she flips and turns every aspect of what she's thinking. He knows this girl the same today as he did back then, her mechanics are the same, even if the packaging is a little different, even if she's wound a little tighter than usual - but he expected that too.
"Why are you here. Why now."
He sighs loudly.. This is the question he was dreading, but it's also the reason he's there, to have exactly THIS conversation.
"Well, Kurt has been keeping in touch with me.. He's my brother y'know?"
"Of course I know, do you think I'd forget?" she spits back quickly.
"No, of course not.. And, about civility.. can we just maybe, call a truce, at least for right now?"
She doesn't reply but very softly nods once.
"Thanks. Anyway… He'd mentioned, last year - and it was against my wishes because I didn't want to know things - he'd mentioned about your.. plans. Your engagement." He spits the word out like it was poison.
She immediately whips her head in his direction and opens her mouth to scream something but he puts a hand up to silence her and says "No no, just wait, that's not why. LIke I said, I didn't even want to hear about it, I had asked for a total no-Rachel-zone when we talked. He broke the rule that one time. And then I didn't speak to him again right up until.. until I walked through that door over there, 2 days ago."
"Wait, what? You stopped talking to Kurt because he told you about me getting engaged? And he told you that LAST year.. So you've ignored your own brother for a whole year?"
Finn just nods and looks away. The shame and retribution for his past behavior is coming to roost right now and she's going to make good on punishing him one way or another and every way in between. It's his reckoning day, and he deserves it.
"I knew you were cruel to me, but to do also cut HIM out of your life? I— "
"HOLD it right there. You think I was cruel, to YOU?"
"Well what would you call it? Hmm? Mr. 'has all these great enlightened answers', what exactly would you call that bullshit stunt you pulled six years ago at that FUCKING train station?"
"Regrettable. Stupid. The worst, darkest day in my life. But it was never meant to be cruel, Rachel, least of to you." He knows it makes perfect sense that she'd feel this way. He's had six years to think about what the after effects would be on her, so hearing it now isn't that much of a surprise. It still stings like hell though.
"You still haven't answered my question. If it's not because of that, then why. Why now." Her arms are folded in front of her chest as if creating an impenetrable barrier to shield her heart, and her words are sour and cold.
"How are you doing Rachel. Are you happy?" It's all he can think to say to broach the subject with her. If he just comes out and says 'I hear your fiance is going to kill you unless you get out', he's pretty sure she'll end up right back in that bear hug again. Diplomacy and tact.. That what he hopes will gently ease them into the conversation.
"Why does it matter to you, how I am, who I am, where I am.. You made me a stranger when you dropped out of my life without a word or explanation. Why could you possibly care? Especially after all this time. I've moved on, without YOU. You gave me no choice."
Okay he deserves that too, she's not wrong.. Except… a stranger? "No, you could never be a stranger to me Rach."
"I SAID don't call me that!" she hisses with blackened eyes.
"I can't help it, its a hard habit to break, even now. Especially when I see you, looking the way you do, in the same room, sitting this close…"
"Looking like what?"
"Beautiful as ever," he replies automatically.
"HA!" she laughs loudly without humor, "Stop it. You're not going to charm your way back to me now. Yes, I am a stranger to you now, and I belong with someone who's been here, picking up the pieces of what YOU broke. That's all there is to know about how I am, at least where you're concerned."
Wow, that one was a gut punch. He's also not missing the fact that she really won't make eye contact and she has not once yet used his name. Can these scars even be healed? Feels like he just torn the damn wound wide open again for both of them. Maybe he's doing more damage than good.
Or maybe she needs time to sit on this new information, the fact that he is here. The fact that he even still cares.
He decides he can't really talk to her about this asshole and how she needs to get away from him. Not right now, not tonight. Obviously everyone else has tried that tactic and failed; no. He knows his girl. It'll need to be HER decision to walk away from that mess. He's gonna have to play the long game now if this has any hope of it working, and he'll have to pray that she walks away in one piece, unharmed.
"Ok, sorry. But you are.. still. And anyway. I'm back, and I'm here for now, for the foreseeable future, actually. I missed my brother and it was time. This dinner, it was his idea, not mine.. I guess he thought if we, you & I, were going to be in the same city, then we might as well rip off the bandage, y'know? Like, it was inevitable we'd run into each other so might as well get it over with now."
He looks over at her, testing the waters of her resolve, see how this sits with her. It's a logical explanation, and really not far from the truth. He's just omitting one little bit.
"So you didn't come here for me?"
Shit. Now he has to lie. And she almost sounds.. wounded?
"Would it really matter? You seem pretty happy now. You've got a new guy, and he treats you well I hope? You love him, probably more than you ever loved me, right? I mean, you'd have to. Because I seriously can't imagine you'd marry someone you felt any less about."
Ouch.. maybe he shouldn't have said that. Unless it works. She's shooting daggers now, but they seem to be aimed at the wall and not his face. She's pursing her lips and not seeming able to find words. Maybe this was the right thing to say after all. Could she be.. speechless? That's progress, and he'll take it.
"Ok I can see it's pretty upsetting for you and me to be in the same space together, so maybe I'll just go out grab a sandwich at the deli or something, let you and the guys have your dinner in peace. Thanks for the momentary truce. I really didn't mean to upset you by being here and I'm so sorry for the shock of it all. I wasn't trying to make this unplanned re-entry into your life… I promise to keep my distance. So I'll just go—"
As he stands up and is about to head for the door, the unthinkable happens. She jumps up and launches herself at him and smashes her lips to his in a ferocious kiss. The kind that's all consuming. Hot and fierce and full of six years worth of pain and desolation… and of missing Finn.
His heartbeat stopped the instant their lips came into contact. As the power of her passion rushed through him like a bullet, his heart restarted and pounded loud in his ears. She's wrapping her arms tightly around his neck and has lifted herself up to wrap her legs around his waist. His hands are suddenly running everywhere they can reach across her tiny body. Retracing the pathways they knew so well, following the roadmap he drew over her body time and again.
He's not sure what's happening or why, but he just can't help himself. He knows he should stop this before it goes any further but he really doesn't have it in him to resist her. He never could say no to her. The one time he did damn near killed them both.
All he can manage to do now is carry her back to his bedroom and deal with the rest later.
. . . . . gleegleeglee * * * * *
Kurt and Blaine had been sitting in their bedroom for some time, eating quietly and listening, only hearing muffled talk and occasional yelling from Rachel. After nearly half an hour there was an unexpected long silence. They weren't sure why, and began to worry. They finally emerged from their room and crept silently down the hallway to take their empty dishes to the kitchen and to learn the cause of the prolonged silence.
They discovered an empty room. Blaine looks at Kurt with raised eyebrows. "Umm.. where did they go?"
Kurt walks over and unlocks the front door to find Santana ready to pounce. "Did you see them come out?"
"Dios mío Kurt! Are you kidding? You think they would've gotten past me out… wait a minute. Why are you asking me? Did you LOSE them?"
The trio return inside and close the door, sitting down at the unused dinner table. They're all lost in their own thoughts for a moment as they start to hear muffled sounds, thumps and soft moans from the direction of the guest bedroom. All three look around the table to find each other's faces plastered with ear to ear smiles.
"Mission accomplished!" Sanatana whispers. Then she picks up a dinner plate and heads to the kitchen to get some food.
SONG CREDITS -
Psychedelic Furs - 'Heartbreak Beat' from Midnight to Midnight album released 1987
'A Sort of Homecoming' is an album title by U2 released in 1984