Following Her Instincts
"Lucas, stop!" Elizabeth yelled.
"Elizabeth, what's wrong?" Lucas asked with a concerned look on his face.
Elizabeth took a deep breath and glanced at Lucas. "I'm sure that this is an experience of a lifetime, but I just can't get past feeling that this is wrong. I really believe that you want more from this friendship than I can give you."
Lucas leaned back against the seat and exhaled slowly. "Well, you aren't wrong Elizabeth, but I haven't ever hid that from you."
Elizabeth nodded looking down at her hands folded in her lap, then back at Lucas saying, "I know, and I appreciate your honesty. But Lucas, I need you to take me back to Hope Valley now please."
Lucas opened his mouth, thoroughly surprised,and said, "You can't be serious! You'd give up the opportunity to hear Virginia Wolf? Elizabeth, I told you that I'd escort you in whatever way makes you feel comfortable. You don't have to make me take you back home."
Elizabeth shook her head and answered, " Yes Lucas, I'm very serious. I am sorry, but I should never have agreed to this and I see that clearly now."
Lucas' lips and jaw tightened as he shifted his attention away from her, started the car and turned it around in the direction back to Hope Valley. The ride back was silent and to be honest, Elizabeth was relieved.
As they got closer to Hope Valley, Elizabeth realized that Lucas was not headed back to the rowhouses where he picked her up, but instead, he was driving into town. She thought of saying something, but figured that it wasn't worth the argument, so she remained quiet, anticipating the end to this excruciating ride.
Lucas pulled the car to a stop in front of the saloon. After he got out, he yanked both his and Elizabeth's suitcases out from the back seat and shut the door with extreme force. Lucas grabbed his own suitcase, leaving Elizabeth's suitcase on the street, and headed straight for the saloon. "I trust that you will find your own way home Elizabeth. I'm tired of spending my time, energy and money on a relationship that that doesn't seem to be going anywhere. " Lucas said coldly as he looked over at her. He started to walk away but then turned around again and shouted out, "Constable, you win. I fold." Then, he stormed off into the saloon. Elizabeth shocked at what had just happened, sighed heavily, stepped out, closed the door behind her and went around the car to grab her suitcase. She took a moment to compose herself and prepare for the walk home. Once she was ready, she stood up straight, only to find several familiar sets of eyes upon her. There watching was Rosemary holding Little Jack, Lee and Nathan who obviously had just arrived in town himself from his jaunt to Cape Fullerton.
"Elizabeth? What in the world? You're here!" Rosemary said as she handed Little Jack over to Lee and walked across the street to her friend. Elizabeth felt the color rise from her neck up to her cheeks and she looked down at her feet. Finally, when she found the courage within herself to make eye contact with Rosemary, she found herself fighting off a flood of tears that so desperately wanted to escape.
"I… I couldn't do it… it just wasn't right. I don't …" Elizabeth fell to her knees and started sobbing there on the street. The men ran over to join them, and Nathan looked at Rosemary and then Lee. They were all at a loss as to what to do next. Then, all of a sudden, Nathan stepped over, grabbed Elizabeth's suitcase, handed it to Lee and said, "Lee. Rosemary. Why don't you take Little Jack and Elizabeth's suitcase back to the rowhouse and I will take care of Elizabeth for now." Lee nodded as he passed Little Jack back to Rosemary, grabbed the suitcase from Nathan and redirected them towards the rowhouses. As they were walking away, Rosemary glanced back with a concerned look on her face. Nathan, making eye contact with her, simply nodded at her in quiet reassurance that he would take care of Elizabeth. Rosemary gave a subtle, accepting smile and turned back around chattering with Jack about his toy dog.
Nathan put a gentle arm around Elizabeth's shoulders and quietly spoke to her. "Elizabeth let's go to the Mountie Office and talk. I've been told that even though I may not say much, I am a great listener." Elizabeth nodded and so Nathan helped her stand and they walked to the Mountie Office. Once inside, he made sure that Elizabeth was settled in a chair before going to the pot belly stove to heat some water for tea. When it was ready, he poured two cups for them and then returned to where she sat. Elizabeth took the steaming hot mug from his grasp, wrapped her hands around the cup and sat silently. Nathan waited, knowing that Elizabeth was processing all that had happened with Lucas earlier and that she would speak when she was ready.
After several sips of her tea, Elizabeth set her cup down on Nathan's desk. "Thank you, Nathan. I apologize for being so emotional out there." Elizabeth said as she focused on smoothing her skirt. "Oh my goodness, speaking of being an absolute mess, look what I did to my skirt. Another example of me not thinking things though before I do them." Elizabeth said as she shook her head and buried her face in her hands. Nathan got up from his side of the desk, grabbing his chair as he did and placed it in front of where she sat. "Elizabeth, there is no need to apologize whatsoever. Now, the question is, do you want to talk about it?" Nathan asked.
Releasing a slow breath, Elizabeth started to share, "A lot has happened since I saw you yesterday morning. The simplified version is that Lucas invited me to a Virginia Wolf reading in Union City and I ridiculously agreed. I knew from the very beginning it was a bad idea for so many different reasons. But I let myself get caught up in it all and I agreed. I feel so foolish!"
She paused briefly before continuing, "I had a gut instinct to decline from the start and I ignored it." Elizabeth stood up from her chair, went to the window and let out a gut wrenching groan, then shook her head and started pacing.
"What was I thinking of agreeing to go out of town overnight, unchaperoned, with a man? I am a teacher for goodness sake! What kind of message does that send to people, let alone my students?! I am all for new experiences, but I was about to leave my son for the first time overnight, for this?! Maybe I did nothing wrong, but Nathan, I could have!" Elizabeth stopped and looked at Nathan wearing a deep look of regret on her face.
Nathan got up and went over to Elizabeth, placing his hands on her shoulders and spoke in a soft voice, "But you didn't Elizabeth. It's over now and you have to forgive yourself."
Elizabeth stared at Nathan and took a deep breath. "Nathan, I came to the realization while on the road today. Although Lucas has been a kind and supportive friend, who can be very charming, I can't see a future with him." As he listened, Nathan could feel his heart fill with hope for a moment. "Could there be a chance?" Nathan thought to himself. Yet knowing he needed to maintain composure, he withdrew his hands from her shoulders.
Elizabeth walked back over to the window and gazed out onto the town that had become her home so long ago; the place that she found herself and love for the first time. Life had taken such a different turn than she had ever imagined when she lost Jack and became a mother. Elizabeth never thought that she'd be doing this part of the journey by herself. She didn't have to do it alone though, thanks to her friends and family. But she had discovered today what she didn't want and that was Lucas. Elizabeth knew deep down that he was not what she wanted for herself or Little Jack.
Nathan stayed where Elizabeth had left him. He wanted to go to her and embrace her, but Nathan knew that it was not yet the time or place, so he waited patiently.
Elizabeth turned and began looking around the Mountie office. It was all so familiar and yet different at the same time. Memories flooded her heart and mind of times with Jack, and she unconsciously twisted her wedding ring. After a while, her eyes fell on the man in red serge standing before her. Looking deeply into his crystal blue eyes, Elizabeth reflected on the man that she had come to know. Granted Nathan was a Mountie like Jack and shared some of the characteristics that made them both excellent Mounties, but there was something more than just the uniform to Nathan. Elizabeth had felt that even on the first day that she met him over a year ago.
Elizabeth appreciated the friend that she had found in him. She loved the fact that they could relate to one another as single parents. Elizabeth had always been intrigued by his quiet nature, sensing that there was more to Nathan Grant than met the eye.
Elizabeth's thoughts were interrupted as Nathan cleared his throat. As her eyes came to refocus on the surroundings outside of the blue depths of Nathan's eyes, she realized that she had closed the distance between them and stood only inches away from him. And, she was in no rush to move away either.
"Uh Elizabeth…" Nathan started to say but was interrupted by Elizabeth's finger that fell on his lips as she said, "Not long ago, you asked me what was in my heart regarding my writing. That question challenged me to look within and find what it was that I wanted to write about. Nathan, let me ask you. What's in your heart? I'm wondering if you might…"
This time, Nathan interrupted her by gently pulling her finger away from his lips and holding her hand within his own. Elizabeth, feeling a bolt of electricity shoot down her arm into her hand, stared down at their joined hands and then, back to meet Nathan's gaze. He slowly inhaled and exhaled slowly and said barely above a whisper. "Elizabeth, you matter to me."
His words were like a magnet to Elizabeth and before she could even think, she took the hand that Nathan had been holding and placed it on his cheek. Instinctively, she lifted herself onto her tiptoes and captured his lips in her own, gently expressing all that her thoughts and her words hadn't been able to. As she deepened their kiss, Elizabeth drew up her free hand to Nathan's other cheek. Nathan wrapped his arms around Elizabeth's waist, as he not only received her kiss but fully reciprocated it. The pair pulled away from one another only to catch their breath.
Elizabeth put a hand to her lips, giggled and then said, "Well, this has been an interesting day, but I'm so glad about the way it's turning out." Elizabeth said as her eyes danced joyfully and she smiled brightly up at Nathan. He nodded his head in agreement, chuckling and responded, "I never expected this either when I stepped off the stagecoach earlier today."
"Elizabeth, I'd assume it's safe to say that you feel the same way as I do?" Nathan asked as he playfully smiled and winked at her. Elizabeth smiled lovingly as she caressed Nathan's cheek and said, "Read my lips, Constable."