Chapter 9 The Choices We Make

Dodge City (6 months after Matt's return) ATC "The Foundling"

"Matt, do you really think that Maylee Baines can do a better job with Mary than I can?" asked Kitty as she and Matt rode away from Maylee Baine's house. They had just left Mary with the widowed woman.

Matt had to be careful how he answered Kitty. He didn't want to answer her too quickly. Too quick of an answer might make Kitty think that he wasn't putting any thought into the question. If he told her yes, then that would upset Kitty. If he told her no, then she would question why he and Doc were so adamant that she not raise Mary. Honestly, he didn't think Maylee Baines would be a better mother for the baby. His reason for not wanting Kitty to keep Mary were selfish ones. He wasn't ready for a baby in their lives.

Matt had been married to Kitty for a year. It was still a marriage kept in secret. Doc and Festus had known about the marriage since it took place. Matt and Kitty made the decision to tell Sam and Newly about their marriage shortly after Matt returned from Arizona. Matt felt as though things were going well between him and Kitty. He didn't know what a baby would do to their plans, especially a baby that was suddenly there. At least if he had gotten Kitty pregnant, they would have nine months to prepare.

"No, I don't think Maylee Baines would make a better mother than you," Matt replied.

"Then, why were you so set on me giving Mary to her?" Kitty asked. "Before you answer, I want to make you aware of a few things. Mrs. Baines has no more experience with children than I do. Yes, she was pregnant, but she lost that baby. Being pregnant doesn't give you experience raising kids. Yes, she has a house, but I could have given Mary a house. So, let me ask you again. Why were you so dead set on me not keeping Mary?"

"I guess I felt sorry for Mrs. Baines. She lost her baby not too long ago and then she lost her husband. I felt this was a way to make up for what she lost. I felt this might be the only way she would have a baby of her own," Matt replied.

"What about me, Matt?" asked Kitty. "What if Mary was my only chance to have a child of my own. We're married, but the only people that know are Doc, Festus, Sam, and Newly. I'm not getting any younger. My child bearing years are becoming limited. When we got married a year ago, I agreed to keep the marriage a secret, but I thought by now things might be different. Let's talk about Will Stambridge."

Will Stambridge was the last person Matt wanted to talk about. A few months ago, shortly after Matt's return from Arizona, Matt and Kitty were supposed to go on a trip to St. Louis. It had been a last minute trip. The trial Matt had to testify at ended early and they decided to take advantage of that. Since they really didn't go on a honeymoon for their wedding, Matt and Kitty decided that the trip to St. Louis would be an impromptu honeymoon.

Both were looking forward to the trip, especially Kitty. Matt couldn't believe how quickly she was able to get packed. Her explanation was that she had been packed for a month. A month before the trial Matt and Kitty discussed finding some time to take a little vacation together and use it as their honeymoon. Of course they weren't going to call it a honeymoon to the people of Dodge City. The people of Dodge would simply think the Marshal and Miss Russell were taking a vacation together. That wasn't completely out of the ordinary.

Everything was going smoothly, until they reached the Elbow Creek Relay Station. The owner had been waiting for Matt. He had a message to give him. The message was from the sheriff down in Greenburgh saying Judge Brooker needed Matt to return to Dodge. Beck Wirth's lawyer filed for an appeal, and Matt had to go back and testify. Matt had no choice, but to return to Dodge City.

That was the last straw for Kitty. She and Matt were supposed to be going on a much deserved honeymoon. Yet once again, Matt's damn badge and his job ruined everything. Matt had expected her to go back to Dodge City with him, but Kitty had other plans. She was going to continue on to St. Louis. Kitty wasn't going to let Matt's job ruin her vacation.

While watching Matt ride off back to Dodge, Kitty knew she had made a mistake. As Matt's wife, she should have ridden back with him. But no, she wasn't going to do that. She was just too damn stubborn to make that choice. Kitty's decision to go on to St. Louis proved to be even more of a mistake, when the stagecoach she was on was held up by two gunmen.

Kitty knew she would never have been in that predicament if she would have gone with Matt. The only other passenger on the stage was Will Stambridge. He took a bullet defending her. Kitty ended up taking care of him. During that time, Will indicated that he wanted to start something with her. Kitty didn't have to say she was married, but she should have said she wasn't available. But she didn't tell Will that.

In fact, when they got to Dodge, she let Will Stambridge court her. She even shared a kiss with him. Kitty never loved Will. She was using him to get back at Matt. Kitty wanted Matt to feel guilty for not going to St. Louis. Her choices had hurt two men. Neither one deserved to be hurt. After all that was said and done, Kitty stayed with Matt, her husband. Kitty still questions if they should have waited for the train. If they were able to get on the train, it might have been harder to get a hold of Matt. And maybe, just maybe, Matt and Kitty could've had their vacation/honeymoon.

"That's one of the last men I want to talk about," Matt grumbled. The Will Stambridge incident was a time Matt would rather forget. He could have lost Kitty to that man.

"Matt, the only reason I even got involved with him was because I was so angry with you. I know I was a married woman and what I was doing was wrong. But at that time I didn't care. I let my stubbornness take over," said Kitty.

"That seems to happen from time to time," Matt teased.

Kitty ignored Matt's comment. "But Matt, when I was with him, I did seriously think of what he wanted to offer me. I knew the kind of life he was offering me wouldn't work for him, but at least he was willing to try. He was willing to give me what I wanted from you."

"Kitty, there were a couple of other reasons I didn't want you to keep Mary," Matt sighed. Kitty kept quiet. Matt knew she was waiting for him to continue. "I was upset you made such a big decision without me. Bringing a child into our lives should have been decided together. And I just wasn't ready to suddenly have a baby in our lives. I guess I was being selfish."

"Matt, I would've taken care of her," said Kitty. "She wouldn't have been a bother to you."

"But in my eyes, she would have been," said Matt. "We try to find private time to spend together and a baby suddenly in our lives would have made that even harder."

"I see," Kitty quietly commented. "Would our own baby make you feel the same way?"

"No," Matt said. "I think the reason for that, besides being our baby, is that having a baby would be a decision we made together. Now, let me ask you something. Don't you think your decision to keep Mary was a hasty one? You have to admit before I dropped the baby off to you, you had no plans earlier that day of being someone's mother," said Matt.

"You're right. I didn't," Kitty confessed. "I guess what's done is done. We can't change the choices we've made in the past. All we can do is look ahead."

"Does looking ahead still mean supper tonight in your room?" Matt asked with anticipation.

Kitty let out a deep belly laugh. "You can count on it, Cowboy."

Matt and Kitty were glad they were able to talk about things on their back from Maylee Baines' house. That night they enjoyed a wonderful dinner together in the privacy of Kitty's room. Following their dinner, Matt and Kitty did not leave the room for the night. They spent hours making love to one another, sharing their bodies with one another.

Arizona Territory/Mike's Place (Two months after Les)

Mike sat at her kitchen table with her head in her hands. This was the fourth straight morning that she had been miserable feeling. She was so nauseuos feeling. Mike did not want to admit it, but she highly suspected that she was pregnant. Mike's monthly cycle was like clock work. It had been that way since she was a teenager.

When she missed her monthly cycle last month, she chalked it up to everything that had taken place in the last several weeks. After Johnny died, she missed her cycle. At that time she thought she may have been pregnant. The next month it came on schedule. It was then that she learned that stress can do that. She thought stress was playing a role in her missed cycle this time.

However, this was the second month of no cycle for her. Throw on top of that the way she had been feeling the last few mornings, Mike could not deny that she was probably pregnant. Pregnant, Mike couldn't get that word out of her head.

Pregnancy was the last thing Mike had planned for her life. She was living alone and did not want to raise a child alone. She knew it was very likely that Les would not be back to help raise the child. He got a tumble in the bed with her, impregnated her, and now was living the life he wanted. That is if he was still alive. Mike didn't even know if Starcourt killed him or not.

What was she going to do? Should she end the pregnancy? Should she go through the pregnancy and give the child up? Mike had some choices to make.

TBC