Kazuma spots the approved request to reissue a judicial firearm lying crooked on van Zieks's desk beside a pile of case files. His eyes must linger on it a moment too long, because van Zieks reaches out with one gloved hand, plucks it from the surface, and tucks it away in a drawer.
"Firearms are a last resort, but it seemed prudent to have one reissued since I misplaced mine."
Kazuma starts and narrows his eyes, sensing a little too much emphasis. Something a little too pointed and heavy with meaning.
Van Zieks raises an eyebrow. "Don't steal this one."
.
Van Zieks's new gun lives in the top drawer of his desk. The drawer is locked, and the key hidden on his person.
"Why bother having it reissued at all if you don't carry it?" Kazuma asks.
"I don't like using guns. It's easier to avoid casualties without them."
"Still, it's self-defense."
"You won't be issued a firearm whilst on probation. So I advise you keep your unregistered weapon hidden and don't assassinate anyone. If you do have to shoot, I suggest you take advantage of the fact that I do possess a legal firearm."
Kazuma swallows and looks away.
.
Kazuma wonders if van Zieks knows the real reason he stole that gun was because a nameless, faceless apprentice who didn't know any better saw a mentor he respected being attacked in the streets, saw that only a blade was raised against enemy guns, and took matters into his own hands. Just in case.
It's ironic, really, that there was a time he wanted to save the man. Now he loathes van Zieks with every fiber of his being.
He tells himself van Zieks deserves it, so he needn't feel guilty about using a misplaced gun against him in trial.
.
Their fights are vicious. Well, Kazuma is vicious, constantly needling his mentor with barbed comments even when he's not exploding. Van Zieks watches him with flat, cold eyes and bears the insults with stoic grace. He is perfectly capable of striking back. Kazuma has seen how sharp the man's tongue can be firsthand. But mostly, van Zieks says little, accepting the barbs with indifference.
It drives Kazuma mad. He wants the man to be a monster. It's not as satisfying attacking someone who won't fight back.
But on the occasions van Zieks does engage, his words cut deepest of all.
.
"Are you sure?" Kazuma sneers as van Zieks outlines the prosecution's stance on their latest case. "How sound is your judgment? It wouldn't be the first time you convicted an innocent."
This is not the first time he has leveled this particular jab, but this time van Zieks jabs back.
"Your father was not innocent. I thought he was the Professor, and you thought he was too honorable to murder anyone. But I was wrong, and so were you."
Kazuma points a shaking hand. "You take that back."
"We are lawyers, Mr. Asogi. Should we not strive for the truth?"
.
It is in the wake of that terrible argument that Kazuma finds van Zieks slumped back in his chair, bleeding out from a single gunshot wound to the chest. He stands frozen, staring. For one awful moment, he is paralyzed with indecision. He thinks, Isn't this what you wanted? What you always wanted?
But then the guilt crashes down on him, and he rushes to staunch his mentor's bleeding. He can't tell if van Zieks is alive past the trembling of his hands, or if he even wants him to be.
Still, he raises his voice and calls for help.
.
The wound is not fatal, probably, but it is serious. It's in an awkward place, as if someone had aimed for van Zieks's heart but lost their nerve at the last moment and jerked their hand aside. He is rushed to the hospital, but the doctors are hopeful he will pull through. Kazuma finds himself relieved.
The Prosecutor's Office is in an uproar, everyone panicking and looking for answers. Even those who don't like van Zieks worry about an attack happening within the office itself. Kazuma gives his statement, voice trembling.
The blood puddles beneath the chair, stinking of iron.
.
It takes everyone about three hours to decide Kazuma is the culprit. He should have expected it. All his lawyer acquaintances get accused of something eventually.
Maybe his statement seems vague or evasive, hazy in his shock. No one saw anyone strange entering or leaving the building. People heard raised voices from inside and know there was a heated argument. Kazuma was the first one on the scene.
And everyone knows that Kazuma hates van Zieks. Everyone knows that he already tried to kill the man once. If he couldn't get his revenge in court, maybe he found it elsewhere.
.
Kazuma grimaces as Ryunosuke clutches the bars of his cell. "Aren't you supposed to be returning to Japan tomorrow?"
"We've cancelled the tickets. You didn't really think we could just leave you like this?"
Kazuma does not want to drag his friend down with him.
"You should go," he says, voice low.
"Absolutely not! They're drawing formal charges against you now."
"…Murder? Is he…?"
Ryunosuke tries to smile. "Aggravated assault and attempted murder. He hasn't woken and they aren't sure… But he's not dead."
Not yet.
"If they aren't waiting for him to wake, it doesn't look good, does it?"
.
"No?" Ryunosuke echoes, disbelieving.
"No," Kazuma repeats. "I will defend myself."
"But why? Let me help you."
Kazuma pauses, considers, tastes the words in his mouth. "I've been horrible to him. There was a moment I wished he were dead. A moment when I saw him bleeding and hesitated. When I thought about leaving him there. If he dies…"
"He shouldn't. The surgery was successful. It's just that he lost a lot of blood and they don't know why he won't wake up. Besides, that's not the same as pulling the trigger."
"No," Kazuma says softly. "I think it's worse."
.
Ryunosuke won't take no for an answer. He has convinced far more difficult people to accept his help and won't give up.
"I'm going to defend you," he says, and this time it isn't a question.
Kazuma closes his eyes. His face looks pale and pinched and drawn. With worry? Fear?
Guilt?
Tell me you didn't do it, Ryunosuke thinks. But he doesn't ask, because an attorney's trust in his client is his greatest weapon. The trust between Ryunosuke and Kazuma has been shaken by secret missions and assassination plots, but he is not ready to shatter it by doubting.
.
"Any news?" Kazuma asks when they meet in the defendant's antechamber. "No one will tell me anything."
Ryunosuke shakes his head. "No change. Last I heard, he still hadn't woken up."
Kazuma's mouth pinches together. "Listen, you should back out now. I can do this myself."
"No. I believe in you, and I want to defend you. I know things were a little rocky, but… I still trust you. I know you wouldn't do anything so awful."
Kazuma flinches back like he's been struck. "Ryunosuke, I–"
"Counsel for the defense!" the bailiff interrupts. "Court is beginning."
The moment is lost.
.
The prosecutor is loud, vicious, and has a bumbling incompetence about him. He's out for a win, no matter what.
Ryunosuke never thought he'd say it, but he misses facing van Zieks across the courtroom, and the prosecutor's bench looks wrong without him. The man can be cold, ruthless, and bigoted, but he always looked for the truth and would, on occasion, work with Ryunosuke to get there.
And after how badly he was wounded in his own trial, after how Ryunosuke and Kazuma had dug open his scars…
Ryunosuke hopes he will recover, and not only for Kazuma's sake.
.
The case is entirely circumstantial. There is not a scrap of evidence. Ryunosuke doesn't understand why the trial is being pushed through immediately instead of waiting for van Zieks to wake and give his account. It seems like someone is holding a grudge and wants Kazuma out of the way.
Kazuma, meanwhile, is doing himself no favors. His testimony is brief to the point of uselessness and vague enough to sound evasive.
What are you doing? Ryunosuke wants to ask.
Kazuma's eyes have an empty look to them, and his shoulders hunch like he carries the weight of the world.
.
The cross-examination runs in circles, going nowhere. Ryunosuke has to fight each step of the way and has nothing to show for it. The testimony is simple to the point of being irrefutable: Kazuma was in the office, and no one suspicious was seen.
"Just because you didn't see anyone doesn't mean someone didn't slip in and out again," Ryunosuke says, frustrated.
"No," the witness says. "But I know that Mr. Asogi was there. I heard him yelling before, and he was at the scene after. I didn't see anyone else, but we also never saw him leave the room."
.
The trial drags on for hours by the sheer force of Ryunosuke's resolve. He stubbornly hangs on, arguing every point.
"Just give up," the prosecutor says, mouth curling. "You're only prolonging the inevitable."
"The defense motions to have the trial postponed until Lord van Zieks wakes and gives his account. There's no reason to push the charges through so quickly."
"You should be grateful we're doing it now, before the charge becomes murder instead of only attempted."
But Ryunosuke has stalled just long enough for salvation to come striding through the door in the form of Lord van Zieks himself.
.
The trial comes to a screeching halt as van Zieks strides past Ryunosuke's bench and positions himself squarely in front of the judge's desk. He is paler than ever but shows no obvious sign of pain, his injury papered over with his usual imposing attire.
"Lord van Zieks!" the judge says. "You're awake!"
The corner of van Zieks's mouth curls into a sneer. "I see no one saw fit to wait for me before dragging my apprentice to account."
In the stand, Kazuma has gone white as a sheet and stares at his mentor as if he's seen a ghost.
.
"You may end this farce at once," van Zieks says. He has taken the floor like he owns the courtroom, and somehow he commands even more presence than while behind the bench. "Release my apprentice before we fall more behind in our work."
"But if he didn't shoot you, who did?" the judge asks.
"Hasn't Mr. Naruhodo uncovered it all for you yet? I did." Van Zieks produces a gun and slaps it down on the desk with a hollow thud. "Here is the weapon. I had it issued two days ago. Any other questions, or are we finished here?"
.
Ryunosuke feels first shock and then sick to his stomach. The silence is deafening. This is apparently answer enough for van Zieks, who turns on his heel and heads for the door, pausing only briefly to look across the room and meet Kazuma's wide-eyed gaze.
"Mr. Asogi, return to the office once your paperwork goes through. We will discuss next steps."
And then he's gone, apparently unflappable in the face of everyone's shock. As if it's nothing to admit to shooting oneself in front of everyone. But Ryunosuke had seen his hand clenched into a fist at his side, trembling.
.
Ryunosuke can't believe it. No gun was found at the scene. If van Zieks had… Surely, it would have been found with him? Surely…?
Surely, Ryunosuke had not hurt him so badly with the truths he'd uncovered that he had tried to take his own life?
"I can't believe it," he says, stunned and heartsick, when he meets Kazuma later to file the paperwork for his release. "I never thought he was the kind of person who'd… I can't believe he did it."
"He didn't." Kazuma is pale as death and looks like he wants to throw up. "I did."
.
The confrontation is postponed by the interruption of court officials and paperwork, and then by Kazuma disappearing into thin air, like he can just avoid the problem. Ryunosuke gives it one day and then storms into the Prosecutor's Office. Van Zieks sits at his desk. Kazuma stands before it, shoulders hunched and eyes downcast. They both turn towards the door, but Ryunosuke can't find it in himself to apologize for the rudeness of his entrance.
"Kazuma," he says, voice raw and grating, trembling with anger. For once, he is the one with a face like thunder. "We need to talk."
.
"How could you?" Ryunosuke bursts out. "I trusted you! You promised you hadn't come to kill anybody. You let me defend you!"
Kazuma doesn't meet his eyes. "I warned you not to," he says in nearly a whisper.
"Don't you understand? He didn't kill your father. He was hurt too. He made a mistake and was manipulated—just like you. Leave him alone. You have to let it go."
"I…"
"And you… It's like I don't even know who you are anymore."
"I'm sorry," Kazuma rasps, folding in on himself, voice thick with tears. "I'm so sorry. I don't know either."
.
"I think you should come back to Japan with us." Ryunosuke's voice has gone flat. His eyes are cold. It's an unnatural look for him.
"What?" Kazuma asks. "I can't. Not yet."
"Well, I can hardly leave you here, can I? You've had a difficult year. You should recover at home. And I can't, in good conscience, leave you with someone you've tried to murder in cold blood. You don't still expect him to mentor you? Haven't you hurt him enough?"
He is absolutely right. And yet… Kazuma can't go home until he can face himself in the mirror again.
.
"It was an accident."
They both start in surprise and look at van Zieks, having forgotten his presence entirely.
"Pardon?" Ryunosuke says uncertainly.
Van Zieks's icy gaze lingers on Kazuma, making him shiver. "Mr. Asogi did not intend to discharge the firearm. And he's learned a valuable lesson, yes? I saw how much your hands were shaking. Don't point a loaded gun at someone if you don't intend to shoot, especially if your hands are unsteady. Now that we have both perjured ourselves in court, I trust you will take this seriously."
Kazuma opens his mouth and leaves it hanging.
.
"What now?" Ryunosuke asks uncertainly.
"I may be put on a leave of absence, but hopefully my reputation will prevent them from forcing the issue." Van Zieks smiles thinly. "I don't expect they'll issue me another gun. And I will continue Mr. Asogi's apprenticeship."
"But… Will you be alright?"
"I expect so. I've had worse injuries, and I think Mr. Asogi has learned his lesson."
"I meant with your trial and…"
Van Zieks stares down blankly. "It's not the first time my world has been shattered. I have survived worse."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be. You've done enough for me already."
.
Kazuma doesn't like the softness with which Ryunosuke worries about van Zieks. Maybe it's because when Ryunosuke looks back at Kazuma, there is a new guardedness and distance in his eyes.
"If you're going to stay, be careful," he says. "Come say goodbye before we leave. I hope you find what you're looking for. But Kazuma, don't lose yourself."
The words stick in Kazuma's throat as the gulf yawns wide between them. He knows that he has lost something unbearably precious by betraying his friend. Maybe there are things even Ryunosuke can't quite forgive, despite his kindness.
"Goodbye," Kazuma whispers.
.
When the door closes behind Ryunosuke, the office plunges into silence except for the scratching of van Zieks's pen as he gets back to work. Kazuma stares at the door for a long time.
"It wasn't an accident," he says finally.
"I know that," van Zieks says without looking up. "But I didn't think you'd want Mr. Naruhodo to."
"Why…?"
"Perhaps it was as much a favor to him as to you."
"But why did you lie for me?"
"You wavered, Mr. Asogi. I expect that when you really mean to kill me, it will be by blade, not bullet."
.
Kazuma does not understand his mentor and says so.
Van Zieks shrugs. "I did secure a false conviction against your father. Now I have saved his son from a rightful one. And you've had a taste of my blood, as I had his. I'd call it balance. Now that we are on more equal footing, perhaps we might get down to business and move forward?"
The guilt eats at Kazuma like acid. In the time since the shooting, it has nearly eaten him down to the bone.
Whatever van Zieks did to his father, Kazuma has done worse to him.
.
"Where did you hide the gun?" van Zieks asks.
Kazuma silently retrieves it from where it's wedged between wine casks and hands it over. Van Zieks puts it in the top drawer of his desk and locks it in.
Kazuma is glad to see the last of it. It frightens him. Or maybe he frightens himself.
"I'm sorry," he says haltingly.
"Are you? I suppose that's a start. Here is a lesson for you, Mr. Asogi: he who fights with monsters must take care not to become one himself. The most frightening demons are often the ones we find within."
.
Kazuma sees the ship off to say his awkward goodbyes. He gives Karuma to Ryunosuke, because van Zieks was right. Kazuma has dishonored his family blade, and he'll entrust it to a better man's care until he deserves it again. He has nightmares about losing himself to the shadows and turning it on his mentor.
He remembers, sometimes, in the dead of night when he sits up with his guilt, the time when van Zieks cared for him even though he had no name or memories. For a man so cold, he'd had his small kindnesses. Maybe he still does.
.
Van Zieks ignores the whispers running like wildfire through the office. About the Reaper, about his brother, about his supposed suicide attempt. But Kazuma sees the way his jaw clenches and understands that his mentor has paid a price for the truths uncovered and lies told. It makes vengeance seem redundant.
"I'm sorry," Kazuma says again when van Zieks reaches for a file and goes white, hand fisting against his chest.
Van Zieks looks at him, eyes murky with distrust and something Kazuma can't read.
"I was much like you once," he says tonelessly. "And I'm sorry for it too."
.
Van Zieks's old gun lives in the top drawer of his desk. The drawer is locked, and the key hidden.
"Now we have no officially registered firearm to our name," he muses. "So be careful."
Kazuma shrugs. "I never had permission anyway."
"Ah, but we had a legal one to fall back on, and now we don't."
The drawer is locked, and the key is hidden beneath a false bottom of the drawer below.
Van Zieks's smile is a sharp slash across his face when he shows his apprentice where to find it. Kazuma's stomach turns over.
"Just in case."