EYE FOR AN EYE
Chapter 2 - Stigma
…
Ruby lost consciousness, but it didn't matter.
She was elated.
She was ecstatic
She was euphoric.
She hasn't felt like this in years.
In Beacon, everything fell to pieces, and she saw herself fall into despair, that day tattooed in her flesh, in her mind. Watching how everyone was running away, running for their lives, how the creatures of darkness little by little destroyed Vale, how her friends tried to help without success, most of them injured, tired, exhausted. She also saw her team falling apart, wounded.
And then, when Ruby woke up, she found herself in a whole different world.
The images of death and chaos never left her mind, appearing whenever they could, tormenting her, making her see how weak she was, how useless she was.
Although she could hide it, she continued to feel broken, desperate, angry with the one who had destroyed the future she had dreamed of since she was a child. Cinder destroyed every shred of humanity within her, every bit of innocence, inflicting injuries that went beyond the physical. Cinder was the one to blame, Cinder was the one she had to blame for the pain she felt. She needed someone to blame, and she would blame Cinder for everything that happened that day.
Now, everything changed.
Yes, she did it.
Ruby had destroyed Cinder, finally.
But, at what cost?
She didn't care at all, she was alive, surprisingly, and Cinder wasn't, so she was going to rejoice in that moment, to bath in that feeling bubbling inside.
When she woke up, and saw part of her vision completely dark, she felt good, so good.
Ruby wanted to say that she had done it for the world's sake, that she had killed a wanted person who had caused so much damage to many, and in a way, she did it, but, instead, she wanted to say that she killed someone who caused her a lot of damage, who traumatized her, and she took revenge for that.
That felt much better.
Yes, she just confessed that she did it for pure selfishness.
It wasn't good, she wasn't proud about it, yet it was the truth.
Ruby felt a part of herself, the most human part inside her, breaking even more. She felt that she had failed to herself, to Ruby, that she had failed her mother, that she had destroyed into a thousand pieces the legacy she inherited from Summer Rose. The light in herself dying, the power in her eyes falters, just because of her soul getting darker than ever.
Her humanity weakened, the light within her dimming, leaving only darkness.
Would her mother appear in her memories from now on, or would it just be that disappointed image she saw in her head thanks to Salem? Another face that usually appears in her mind, telling her how weak she is, and now, telling her how corrupted her soul was.
Anyway, without Cinder, her mind can finally rest. She can move on, follow another path, focus on do some good. maybe find the truth that Salem is hiding from everyone, the truth about her own mother disappearance. But, was she even allowed to look for her mother whereabouts? After what she did, after being dominated by feelings as dark as revenge, did she deserve to know the truth?
She jumped when that last question left her mouth, her voice coming out scratchy, tired. And after that, she heard a sound next to her.
She wasn't alone.
She looked around, looking for the one who was sitting next to her, next to her hospital bed.
Weiss.
Weiss was there, with her.
Her face looked both worried and relieved, especially after hearing that question, which must have sounded completely melancholic. In fact, she doubted Weiss would be surprised. She wasn't who she used to be in the past, and it was obvious that her partner was going to realize that.
It was funny in a way, how much they both had changed.
Weiss used to be very aggressive and not very empathetic at that time in Beacon, and for her part, she was childish and saw the world like it was a children's story. Now they were much different. Weiss had changed for the better, of course, considerate of the world around, for other people, Weiss was now overflowing with empathy, and had become quite expressive. Weiss overcome the pain she felt in the past, and always displays a smile, for everyone.
Unfortunately, she couldn't say the same thing about herself. She was broken beyond repair, it was kill or be killed, black or white, nothing more. She didn't trust anyone, not even her own team, not even trusted herself. That's why she didn't tell them about her last resort, her sacrifice, or they would have stopped her from fighting Cinder. She would be so pissed at them for it, and didn't even knew what she would do in that predicament.
Yes, she had changed for the worse.
The thirst for revenge had consumed her and led her down an unfriendly path.
Weiss had become more and more human, and she had become more and more like a villain.
She deserves the worst.
"How do you feel?"
Her partner spoke after a while, getting close to her in that uncomfortable looking chair.
She used to stay in her own head for a long time, many times just thinking about death, about blood thirst, and she believed that it would no longer be like that after Cinder's death, but she was wrong. Even revenge couldn't lessen the new toxic personality that destroyed the old one. The villain that destroyed Ruby.
She was going to be dark inside forever?
Ruby breathe in, trying to relax, wanting to give the woman her individual attention and stop getting so stuck in her head, on her destructive thoughts.
She took a moment to focus on her physical body, letting go of all the mental weight, but she didn't like what she saw. Her body was clearly in a bad shape. She still had bandages on her arms, on her face, her wounds seemed not to heal as quickly as before.
And she didn't even feel her Aura inside.
The aura was supposed to be her soul, had she really lost her soul in that hunt? It didn't sound that crazy. Neither her eyes nor her Aura were as tough as before. Was it really like that or was it her own mind that was making it difficult for her to accept the power of light?
She didn't feel deserving of that power, so it was to be expected.
She didn't deserve her pure eyes, she didn't deserve her pure soul.
She was just like a normal person now, right? That was what she wanted to be at the beginning, right? Normal, now she had achieved it, right? She could rejoice now, be glad that her old stupid dream came true years later.
Ha, what a stupid wish.
She found herself laughing, a gesture that hurt her face, her body, still weak.
Was she so foolish to dream such a thing? Normality? Really? What kind of book's hero was she going to be if she turned into someone normal? A normal person didn't have interesting stories, fearless adventures, hidden powers. If she wanted to be normal, she should have mutilated the memory of her mother from her mind, and there she would have continued living with that normality that she ever wanted, without having delusions of grandeur.
That being the case, she wasn't surprised that so many misfortunes had happened to her. She deserved them all. She signed for the tragedy after all.
What a stupid kid she was.
Normality would make her life safer, quiet, peaceful.
Not what she had to endure until now.
"Ruby?"
She felt Weiss's hand on her right arm, and the laughter fell apart. She was laughing at her own stupidity, and it wasn't even that funny to laugh like that. It didn't make any sense. She must seem even crazier than she already was.
"Everything hurts."
The concern in the blue eyes didn't falter with her words, but at least Weiss looked relieved that she had spoken more normally.
It was a lie after all, she didn't feel much, just her mind that feel pleased, but that truth will worry Weiss even more.
Ruby raised a hand to her own face, to the bandages that covered her eye, or where her eye used to be. She felt a burn at the mere touch, and immediately remembered exactly that moment, when Cinder used her dark hand to cut her face, to deform her. On one hand, she knew that Cinder wasn't going to settle for just taking her eye, and, in fact, she assumed that she was probably going to lose her arm in the fight, but cutting her face?
Thinking about it, it made sense.
Cinder didn't lose only her eye, leaving nothing but an empty socket, but also had a scar that was trying so hard to hide, and right now she too had something similar in her own face, a scar, a mark.
A mark that they made to each other.
She had said that she must become Cinder in order to kill her, and now, she felt that she looked more like her on the outside, not just the inside. She didn't even know exactly how much damage those claws did to her skin, she never managed to see it herself, she fainted from the loss of blood and exhaustion.
The important thing was that she had lost her mother's light, part of her mother, but it was fine, she didn't deserve to have those eyes anyway, she didn't even deserve to carry the blood of a heroine, now being nothing similar to that.
She trembled as her fingers touched something hard under her eyelid.
What?
No way.
She still has it?
No, impossible.
She saw her mother's eye inside of Cinder's empty socket, turning darker, corrupting itself and at the same time corrupting the darkness inside of that woman. That eye died at that exact moment, disintegrating, as well as the woman's body, and she would never forget that scene, never in her whole life. Cinder's death was something she would remember, forever.
Ruby got up, panic consuming her.
And fell to the ground.
She heard Weiss screaming, her voice sounding desperate, begging her to stay still, but she ignored it. She didn't feel her legs, but she wasn't going to stop.
Not now.
Not never.
Her heart was pounding in her chest, disturbingly, that impatience in her veins tormenting her again. She didn't know what she feared more, whether to have her mother's eye back there, this one entirely corrupted, dead, inhuman, or to have something else there, trying to steal its place.
She didn't deserve anything.
She didn't deserve that.
She didn't deserve a second chance.
She didn't deserve to see.
To live.
She dragged herself to the bathroom door, which was open. Her arms could support the weight of Crescent Rose, thus, they could support her own weight.
Did she even deserve Crescent Rose?
Her bones burned, her skin burned, her sins burning her alive, but she didn't stop.
She grabs the sink, holding it, hugging it, but her legs couldn't keep her upright, totally useless, and thanks to the slipperiness of the bathroom, she ended up falling again. She felt the cold of the tiles on her cheek, on her bandages. The scent of antiseptic and cleaning products filled her lungs, and she felt nauseated.
And her body…
Her body felt strange, and memories of the fight appeared in her head…
The battle against Cinder was exhausting, her legs didn't work much at the end of the battle, she couldn't have run away even if she wanted to. Her aura barely paid attention to her during the fight, thus neither did her semblance nor her eyes, disapproving her sinful acts. The outcome came sooner than expected, and she stayed there, on her knees, waiting for death.
She just needed to die, right?
She would be calmer if that was the case.
Death would give her the much-needed rest.
Ruby puts her hands on the tiles, feeling the skin tighten, cracking, she was sure that more than one wound had reopened. But it didn't matter, she didn't feel much pain anyway.
It wasn't hard for her to get up this time, and when she was in front of her reflection, she noticed that Weiss was helping her, holding her by the waist. At least she wasn't as heavy as she was with Crescent Rose on her back, or her partner wouldn't have been able to help her that easily. She appreciated the gesture, another person would have called the doctors to anesthetize her so she could calm down.
But no, Weiss helped her, just like other times in the past.
She regretted being a disgrace as a leader, as a partner.
She didn't deserve Weiss either, was too good for her rotten flesh.
Finally, she focused on the mirror. She could barely see her own face between the bandages, those in almost every piece of skin. She noticed her silver eye, her right cheek and her lips, the rest was just bloodied white. Her skin looked pale, weak, and there she noticed that it was true, that her body was completely weakened, her Aura without making the slightest effort to help her cure the opened wounds.
Like if she had no Aura at all.
Ruby held onto the sink with one hand, holding it steady, and brought the other hand to her face, and grasped the bandages, and without hesitation, she yanked them off. She felt an increase in that burning sensation, her wounds still open, and the fibers from the bandages had embedded themselves in the broken skin. Even so, she kept pulling at it, Weiss trying to avoid it, but she ignored her.
Little by little she began to notice the large X that was over her left eye, as her open wound began to bleed at the suddenness of her act. But she didn't care how wasted her face was, she didn't care one bit. She deserved that mark, it was her actions that caused it, and she was going to live with it, however, she was there for a reason, facing her tired face.
She opened the eyelid that was still closed.
What?
What was that?
That wasn't her eye, in fact, she doubted it was even an eye.
She found herself moving closer to her reflection, leaning fully against the sink, still feeling Weiss's arms supporting her somehow.
The first thing she remembered was Penny's dead face in the Arena. Those green eyes empty, robotic, fake, without the human brightness they used to have.
Those eyes were the same as the one on her face.
Robotic.
Hollow.
It was a shade of color that tried to mimic her silver, but it was repulsive. It was fake. It was a cheap imitation. It disgusted her even more than it could be to see her empty socket, her insides open to everyone to see.
"What the fuck is this?"
She asked Weiss, who remained silent, her face showing pain, suffering.
Regret.
Discomfort.
And her own roaring voice must have scared her, but she was so pissed, more than ever.
"Atlas did it. They gave us some benefits by killing Cinder and getting Neopolitan under arrest, a kind of amnesty for our heroic acts, forgiving our past sins. They recognized you as a hero, and they knew that you wouldn't be able to fight as usual in that state, so they did this to avoid losing a huntress."
That was a joke?
It looked like a fucking joke.
She looked at Weiss's reflection, mistrusting for a moment that all of that was real, and when the woman's face showed no hesitation, she looked again at her fake eye, that…thing.
Now she felt even more repulsed with herself.
When she made decisions in the past, the Atlas government put a rope around their necks, even more times than she was able to count, so she, and her friends, choose different paths. Atlas took her for an incompetent leader, rebellious even, and they took her friends for enemies because of her actions. She understood it. She deserved that. But Atlas doing that? doing that to her face? She was a wanted enemy, and now they treat her as a hero? And not only that, but they put that atrocity on her face without any kind of warning, consent.
No, of course not.
What a twisted change of mind.
Oh.
Wait-!
Now she understands it!
It was a punishment!
Yes, of course it was.
She had done wrong, she had sinned, she had incinerated all humanity in herself, just as she had confronted the world's leaders. The mark on her face was the punishment the darkness gave her for seeking revenge, and that robotic eye was the punishment humanity gave her for her sins.
Ruby laughed again, practically hugging the sink.
One, two, three drops of blood fell from her face, staining the white of the sink.
In the end, she would stain everything red.
The darkness had eaten her, had made her its own, had put a mark on her that meant she no longer had humanity, and humanity itself had done the same, giving her something that made her feel even more inhuman.
Could that be considered irony?
That was going to be her life from now on. She had failed to die, now she was forced to carry the weight of her sins, of her faults to humanity, of her faults towards her own mother's wishes. She had failed at being a hero, and now she had to deal with it.
Now the weight on her shoulders had transformed.
It was no longer revenge, the desire to eviscerate that woman, now it was something else, now it was shame, the failure, not been able to be what she wanted in the past. Breaking Ruby's dreams in half, destroying her whole being. Turning a child into a monster.
That appearance was her cross.
Her stigma.
And it would follow her until her death.