Last time on Total Drama: Revenge of the Island! 27 new competitors were brought to the island. They said hello to the island's wildlife, which has become a little "quirky" due to months of exposure to toxic radiation. Oh yeah, and they did some totem surfing. Explosive! In the end, Max's team got so sick of his boastful claims to be an untrustworthy strategic mastermind that they sent him packing. Who will go home next? And how much pain can I put them through first? Find out here, on Total! Drama! Revenge of the Island!
Intro plays.
Shawn walks through the forest, where he spots a bush with berries on it. His eyes light up. He begins picking them but a mutated raccoon with three eyes jumps out of the bush and roars, startling him. "Aaah!"
The scream attracts the attention of Jasmine, who is also out and about. "Aye, who's that?"
The raccoon runs off. "It's just me."
"What are you doing out here so early?"
"I could ask you the same thing."
There's a beat of silence before Jasmine finally breaks it.
"I was just foraging for food. I don't trust Chef's cooking at all."
"Same. I want to keep a stockpile just in case these mutated animals take over."
"That's… pretty wise actually."
SHAWN CONFESSIONAL: Jasmine's pretty cool. It's a shame we're on different teams though. If I have to let anyone from the other team into the bunker I'm making for the Rats when the inevitable mutant takeover occurs, it would probably be her.
Brick jogs down the beach for his morning run. He comes across Dawn, cleaning up litter. He slows down. "Need any help, ma'am?"
Dawn looks up. "Thank you, but you don't need to help me just because you were teased as a child."
"I… what? How did you…"
"It's right next to your bladder control issues and his need to be dominated."
"My need to… what? I don't…"
"It's okay. If you want to help, you can. This island is in terrible condition," Dawn seems dismayed. A seagull with two heads washes ashore, with a plastic can ring around each head. Dawn pulls the plastic off and sets the seagull free. "There you go, little one." The seagull drifts off to sea and is immediately grabbed by a giant tentacle and pulled underwater.
In the Maggots' female cabin, Ella is practicing her scales.
"Do-re-mi-fa-so-la-ti-do-ti-la-so-fa-me-re-do-re-mi…"
The other girls seem deeply annoyed by this early wake-up call. A couple of them press their pillow over their ears to blot out the sound.
"Can it!" Sugar snaps.
Anne Maria throws a pillow at Ella. "I agree with Trailer Trash, put a sock in it!"
"What did you just call me?"
"You heard me!"
Ella frowns at the strife she's caused.
ELLA CONFESSIONAL: Oh my, I didn't think my singing would be so distressing. It's how I start every day. I always thought everyone appreciated a melodious wake-up, like hearing the birds tweet at your window!
Sky steps out of the cabin, where she sees Jo doing her jumping jacks outside. "Mind if I join you?" Sky asks.
Jo shrugs. "Suit yourself."
Sky begins to stretch. "So, what brought you to the show?"
"The money. The competition," Jo replies.
"That's it?"
"I've always had a drive to win. The rest of the team better have the same mindset. But looking at our cabin, I have my doubts."
The squabble between Sugar and Anne Maria reaches a climax. Sugar gets thrown violently out of the doorway. "Oh, just you wait!" She runs back in and more banging and yelling is heard.
SKY CONFESSIONAL: Jo has quite an ego. But considering how disorganized most of our team members are, it's good to meet someone with some resolve.
At the morning mess hall, Chef Hatchet dishes out breakfast. He scoops out some mysterious gray substance and unceremoniously deposits it on Dave's plate. "Um, is this edible?" Dave asks.
"Why don't you find out," Chef growls in reply.
Dave sits down next to the other boys of the Mutant Maggots. Cameron and Leonard are bonding over magic roleplaying games.
"My mom didn't let me play any games with the other kids. So I just had to play all roles myself," Cameron explains.
"That's so sad. What's a magical quest without a few friends?" Leonard replies.
Beardo is sitting nearby, listening to music on his headphones. He's beatboxing along to whatever song he's listening to. Dave notices. "I don't think we're allowed to have electronic devices on the island."
Beardo takes his headphones off. "Are you going to tell?"
"I mean…"
"You seem to be annoyed by my beatboxing. I don't think you realize what a gift I have."
"That's one way to put it."
Mike tries to intervene. "Guys, guys. No need to get upset. We're a team!"
DAVE CONFESSIONAL: Do the Total Drama people just pick the weirdest, most insufferable applicants? (Dave pauses) Wait, does that mean I'm weird and insufferable?
Meanwhile, At the Rats table, Dakota pokes her fork at her food. "Eww…" She pulls out a cell phone and dials a number. She tries to remain discrete as she whispers something to what is assumed to be her father on the phone.
"Yo, Dakota, is that a phone?" Sam says.
Dakota looks up. "No!" She seems annoyed.
Sam tries to appear unthreatening. "It's okay. I've been trying to hide my GameGuy from Chris since I got here. We're kind of similar. We're both attached to our devices."
Dakota rolls her eyes and puts on a fake smile. "Yeah, sure we are!"
SAM CONFESSIONAL: I don't think Dakota likes me very much. Heh heh. Which is a shame, because she's, like, the hottest girl on the island. There has to be something I can do.
Staci is unspooling another directionless story. "My great-great-great-great cousin Randall invented spoons. Before then people just used their hands to eat soup. Soup was actually invented by-"
"-Ancient China?" Scarlett interjected.
Staci stops talking and her face drops. "What?"
"Soup bowls over 20,000 years old have been found in China. I think it's a bit silly to make us believe that your uncle or cousin or other relative invented something that's been around since ancient times."
"Well, yeah, that's what I meant to say. That was my ancestor in China who did that," Staci replies, trying to save face.
Rodney is the only one impressed. "Wow!" He exclaims.
"I know, right?" Staci is pleased that someone finally appreciates her.
RODNEY CONFESSIONAL: Staci is so smart. I wish I knew that much about my family. Though there's probably not much to know. It's just farmer after farmer.
Chris walks into the mess hall. Lightning immediately throws a question his way before Chris can say anything. "Yo, Chris, what is this?" He holds up his bowl of mystery gruel. "How is Lightning supposed to win the challenge when this is what's for breakfast?"
"It's no worse than what I've been served in cadet school," Brick replies. He takes a bite and proceeds to choke on his own food before coughing it up.
"That's your problem. Not mine," Chris replies. "What IS my problem is how I'm going to torture you today, heh heh heh. Meet me at the beach in 10 minutes!
"This challenge is called Taking One for the Team!" Chris sits at a podium in the center of two small sections of amphitheater seating, each one with 13 seats - one for each team member. The contestants pile into their seats. The screen behind Chris displays a scoreboard with both teams' scores set to zero. "I figured since you're all new, this would be a great getting-to-know-you activity. We've gathered embarrassing truths about all of you and I'm going to read them out loud. If the truth applies to you, you should press the button in front of you. If you don't press it, then your team is treated to a little jolt!" Chris presses a button. A current of electricity goes through everyone as they cry out.
"Freakin' psycho!" Anne Maria cries out.
"If no one on your team fesses up, the other team can steal!"
Chris pauses as he gets his question cards ready. "Rats, since you lost the last challenge, you're up first. Which Rat ate so much Easter candy that they puked at church?"
Amy reaches over and presses Samey's button. "It was Samey! I saw it. It was gross. It got all over the pews and even the pastor noticed."
Samey averts her gaze from her sister shamefully. "Amy… why did you have to do that?"
Chris looks disappointed. "Amy. The contestant in question is supposed to answer it, not you. So I'm not counting that."
Jasmine furrows her brow at Amy. "What is wrong with you? Why do you need to put your sister down like that?"
"It's true, though! People should know," Amy replies. Jasmine sems unsatisfied with that answer, and the rest of the team seems to share that sentiment.
Chris shifts his attention to the other team. "Ok, Maggots. Here's your first question. What player dressed up as a cow for a TV ad?"
Sugar presses her button immediately. "It was me! How is that embarrassing?"
"Let's take a look!" Chris grins. The monitor changes and a younger Sugar, dressed in a cow costume, dances in an ice cream shop while singing off-key. Everyone laughs.
"What's so funny? It's a great ad!" Sugar defends herself.
Anne Maria laughs. "You look like a complete moron!"
"I'd like to see you do better, hussy!"
Zoey tries to defend Sugar. "She's only a little kid in that."
"Moving on," says Chris. "Rats. You're next!" Chris pulls out another index card. "This player once called his grandma a…" Chris' face drops. "Woah. Can't say THAT on TV." He chuckles.
"What's it say?" Rodney asks.
"Let's just say it isn't anything nice. Not something you should be saying around ol' meemaw," Chris replies.
There is a murmur throughout the team. Finally, someone fesses up. Scott presses the button. "It was me, okay?"
"What kinda dude insults his grandma, bro?" Lightning asks.
"She wouldn't give me money for a BB gun I wanted as a kid, okay?" Everyone gives Scott a nasty glare. "What? I was only going to shoot some squirrels with it."
"That's terrible!" Dawn exclaims.
"Next card!" Chris calls out. "This player peed their pants on the first, and last, day of school."
Brick blushes and tries to hide his gaze. Jo notices it. "Team before pride, maggot."
"Alright, it was me," Brick presses the button. Several players laugh.
"Don't let them laugh at you, man," Mike tries to comfort Brick.
"Rats! Which player's real name is Beverly?"
"That's not embarrassing, Chris," Topher pipes up. "Who cares if a girl's real name is Beverly?"
B presses the button and remains silent.
"What's up, BEV?" Scott teases.
"Maggots! Which player was rejected by their crush after singing to them in front of their whole class? Brutal!"
Sugar rolls her eyes. "Oh, please, that can only be one person."
Ella confirms Sugar's suspicions by pressing the button. "I spent so long working on that song…"
"Ha!" Sugar laughs at Ella's heartbreak. Her teammates glower at her but she remains unperturbed.
"Which Rat dislocated their hip in front of the whole school?"
Amy glares at Samey. "Don't you dare."
Jasmine notices this. "Was it you, Amy? You better answer."
"No, it wasn't me! Samey would probably try to tell everyone it's me because she's EVIL!" Amy says.
"...And it looks like we're out of time," Chris says. He presses a button and the Rats are all shocked by electricity.
"Oh, man," Rodney holds his head.
"Maggots! Since no one answered for the Rats, you have the chance to steal!"
"It's got to be Amy, right?" Jo declares. "I saw her arguing over there!"
"Correct! During a cheerleading event, Amy slipped and fell and had to be stretchered out of the gymnasium! How embarrassing! Maggots steal a point from the Rats, making it 4-3 to the Maggots!"
"I thought you said that wasn't you?" Jasmine leers at Amy.
"Chris, Jasmine is harassing me!" Amy cries out.
"And this is my problem… how?" Chris replies, irritated.
"Anyways, next question for the Maggots. This player still sleeps with their stuffed rabbit named 'Sleepy'."
"Sleepy! What a stupid name!" Scott interjects.
Cameron presses his button dejectedly. "Cameron gets a point for the Maggots!" Chris announces.
CAMERON CONFESSIONAL: I don't see how admitting this will move me down any lower in social standing than I already am. I know my fellow campers already think very little of me. (Takes out hand sanitizer and washes his hands) That's what my strategy is - if they don't see me as a threat, I can go straight to the finale without being targeted! (Cameron winces and cries out in pain) OW! I got hand sanitizer in a cut! Oh, it burns!
"Rats!" Chris says. "Next question! Who has a wart on their big toe?"
"Gross!" Topher blurts out.
"Topher," Jasmine says. "Don't make this harder for our teammate than it already is."
No one answers for the Rats. They all get shocked.
Chris gives the Maggots a chance to steal. "Maggots?"
"Uhh… Sam?" Dave says, hesitantly.
"...no way, bro!" Sam replies, still recovering from the electricity.
"Incorrect! The correct answer is… Dakota!"
Dakota's face contorts in a mix of rage and shame. "Chris, you are the worst!" Dakota yells.
"It's okay, Dakota, it's nothing to be embarrassed about," Sam tries to comfort her.
"Thank you… whatever your name is," Dakota replies hesitantly. Sam frowns.
Chris turns to the Maggots. "Maggots! Who on your team was broken up with on the first date because they smelled bad?"
Anne Maria points to Sugar. "It's gotta be this girl."
"You witch!" Sugar snaps. "I'll have you know I smell like a-"
Jo presses her button. "It was me. The date conflicted with my exercise routine so I didn't have time to shower. So what?"
"Point for the Maggots!" Chris declares.
"Rats!" Chris says. "Who got last place in the school's pushup competition?"
"Not the Lightning, that's for sure!" Lightning flexes his muscles.
No one else answers.
"Maggots! Want to take the steal?"
Jo presses her button. "Is it 'the Lightning'?" she says sarcastically.
"Jo!" Zoey says. "There's no way he would get last place in a competition like that!"
"Actually," Chris says. "He did. Point to the Maggots!"
"Oh, that was in, like, third grade or something!" Lightning defends himself. "Lightning doesn't care about stupid competitions, he knows he's perfect!"
"Maggots, you're really running away with this!" Chris says. "It's 8-2 Maggots. Let's see if you can keep it up. This player… punched their 7-year-old cousin? What the…"
The players gasp, except for Scott, who starts laughing. "Ha!"
Anne Maria fesses up. "Ok, first of all, I was like 9 when that happened, so there wasn't even that much of an age difference. Second of all, they, like, totally had it coming."
"What could a seven-year-old do that would warrant that?" Brick asks.
"They insulted my hair," Anne Maria explains. "Even back then, it was gorgeous." Sugar rolls her eyes but Anne Maria doesn't notice.
Chris turns back to the Rats. "Rats! You've really got to get back into this one. This player's uncle was labeled the "Disgrace of Canada" after he was caught urinating on the National Capitol."
Sam chuckles. "Sweet." Silence follows this. Staci looks a little uncomfortable but no one seems to notice.
"Alright, Maggots, this is your chance to steal," Chris says.
"I bet it was that Staci! She's always going on about her stupid family!" Anne Maria blurts out.
"Anne Maria… is right! The Maggots win!" Chris declares.
"Are you kidding me?" Scott cries out. "The one time your stupid family stories could have come into use and you didn't do anything about it?"
"Oh yeah, about that," Chris says. "In doing our research to find these HILARIOUS embarrassing questions, we couldn't find anything of note in Staci's family's history. Other than this hysterical story."
"Sha-what?" Lightning exclaims.
"Has ANYTHING you've forced us to listen to been true?" Topher fumes.
Rodney seems more heartbroken than angry. "Staci, say it isn't true!"
Staci desperately tries to prevent total humiliation. "Um, you guys, if you think about it, everyone is kind of related if you trace it back far enough…"
"Oh, please!" Scott scoffs.
"Chris must not have done his research well enough. My great-great-great aunt Sally actually was an expert in genealogy and invented-"
"No she didn't!" Scott interrupts. "Whatever you're going to say, no, she didn't."
STACI CONFESSIONAL: For the record, she, like, totally did.
MIKE CONFESSIONAL: I'm just glad they didn't get to read any embarrassing facts about ME.
Chris' grin drops. "You know, it's a shame. I had all these great cards but the Maggots did so well that I didn't get the chance to read them all." The infamous grim lights his face up again. "So I will anyway. Right now."
"Shawn was arrested for trying to shoplift chips from a 7/11!"
"Aw, it was for my stockpile!"
"Topher ate bugs as a child! That's almost as bad as Leonard eating his own boogers as a child! That's just gross, dude."
"I was a kid, okay? I didn't even know what I was doing!" Leonard protests.
"Chris, how could you do this to me? I'm your biggest fan!" Topher remonstrates.
"Rodney pees in trash cans."
"Um, ew!" Dakota sneers.
"Beardo fell down a flight of stairs at school, Sky broke her nose after running into a pole, Zoey accidentally electrocuted herself-"
"How are any of those embarrassing?" Sky asks. "They're just injuries."
"I know," Chris replies. "That's why they're hilarious!" Sky rolls her eyes. "We've got two careless drivers in the audience. Jasmine crashed her parents car on her first, and only, time behind the wheel and Dawn once hit a chipmunk with her bike."
"It was the worst day of my life," Dawn hangs her head, almost near tears. "I buried him by the road and lit candles at his grave!"
"Ok. Weird. Touching, but weird," Chris says.
"Dave once started crying in class. Mike's in a similar boat, except he started yelling at his own teacher."
"Mike? Is that true?" Zoey had previously seen Mike as such a considerate, sensitive guy - her fragile mental image of him began to crack.
"It's uh, I mean, uh…I don't…yeah?" Mike fumbles with words.
MIKE CONFESSIONAL: Okay, so I have a bit of a problem. 95% of the time I am completely calm. Okay? I'm a nice guy. But there are certain things that can just completely set me off. I try to control it but my emotions can often get the better of me.
Chris rounds up his list. "Sam farted on his only date, and Scarlett got rejected for every private school she applied to. Who's the brainiac now?"
SCARLETT CONFESSIONAL: I AM smart. It's just the interviews I failed. People seemed to find me off-putting. I can't imagine why.
Everyone's conception of each other begins to crack after this onslaught of revelations. Some hang their heads in shame while others give skeptical or mean-spirited glares toward those who disappointed them. "Wow, I can feel the drama here," Chris said. "It's DELICIOUS! Anyways, Rats, you gotta vote someone else off tonight. See you at the campfire."
Some of the guys on the Toxic Rats - Scott, Rodney, Lightning, Sam, Topher, and B - sit around outside their cabin.
"Losing again? Chris must be too intimidated by how strong Lightning is so he rigged the challenges against him!"
"You realize you're one of the reasons we lost, right?" Scott says. "Why shouldn't we vote you off right now?"
"Because you'd have to be sha-dumb to vote off the Lightning!"
Sam throws in his thoughts. "He's kind of right, Scott. Most challenges are going to be physical and he's definitely one of our strongest players."
"One of? I AM the strongest player!"
Scott offers a counterargument. "You're also one of the most annoying. Your ego cost us the game."
SCOTT CONFESSIONAL: I want to get rid of all the strongest players early on. I'm trying to get the guys to vote Lightning but they won't budge!
"We should vote Dakota," Topher says. "What does she offer the team? Plus, I don't think Chris likes her."
"Not Dakota!" Sam interjects.
Scott seems offended by this. "She's a total attention-monger, a completely self-absorbed princess," says Topher. "Unlike me!"
Sam tries to put up another target. "What about Staci? What does she offer other than annoying stories that go nowhere? And they aren't even true!"
Rodney is now the one to interject. "Not Staci!"
Scott rubs his face in frustration. "Really? Are you serious right now?"
"I like her stories," Rodney says. "They're so… interesting."
"Maybe for some country boy who hasn't left his farm in 16 years," Topher snaps. "But for people in the real world, she's just an annoyance."
"We should vote off Amy!" Lightning says. "She lost us TWO points! She didn't answer her own question AND she answered her sister's question."
"Yeah, but she's nice, too!" Rodney rushes to Amy's defense.
"Do you have brain trauma? She's the meanest one on the island!" Scott says. "Do you just defend every girl here?"
"It's not my fault they're so nice…" Rodney says.
"You keep saying 'nice'," says Scott. "Let me tell you something. This show ain't about being nice. It's about winning. Nice don't have anything to do with it!"
Samey sits on the steps of the Rats' cabin. Jasmine walks up to her. "You know, you really have to do something about your sister."
Samey looks up. "What?"
"I mean, your little rivalry cost us the challenge," Jasmine replies. "You two really need to bury the hatchet. Not just for your own sake, but for the team's."
"I know, it's just so hard to reason with her," Samey replies. "She's just set out on making me miserable. I'm pretty sure that's why she joined the show in the first place."
"Come on, you two are blood-related. You're twins! There has to be some sort of connection there."
"You'd think that, wouldn't you?" Samey laments, picking at the ground with a stick.
JASMINE CONFESSIONAL: Amy and Samey rivalry is really starting to be a burden on the team. If Samey doesn't do anything about it, then I will.
Jasmine enters the cabin where Amy is lying in bed. "Amy, you cost us the challenge today because of your sister. Would you mind explaining why?"
Amy sits up. "I cost the challenge? It was Samey! She didn't answer her question!"
Jasmine scowls. "No, you didn't answer YOUR question and you answered your sister's FOR her. This is on you!"
A squeaky, high-pitched voice from the back of the cabin is heard. "Maybe it stems from Amy's need for individuality and a unique sense of self." Jasmine and Amy turn to see Dawn sitting cross-legged, presumably meditating.
"What? Where did you come from?" Amy exclaims.
"No, maybe you should hear her out, Amy," says Jasmine. "Have you ever thought that you simply feel insecure about being around someone so genetically similar to you, yet so different personality-wise?"
"We're NOTHING alike!" Amy snaps.
"I know that, but you both dress the exact same and look the exact same. Have you ever considered, say, changing your appearance?" Jasmine suggests.
Dawn interjects. "I think this issue is a lot more than simple surface-level appearances. While a physical change could help alter the visual association with one's sense of self, this is something that runs-"
"Get Samey to do it!" Amy interrupts.
Some time later, in the washroom, Jasmine brings Samey in front of a mirror with her eyes covered. "...and…voila!" Jasmine takes away her hands. Samey is immediately underwhelmed by what she sees in the reflection. Her blonde hair is now tied back in a ponytail and she wears a white shirt and jacket not too dissimilar from Jasmine's, except they are a few sizes too big.
"Well, I certainly don't look like Amy anymore…" Samey admits.
"I think you look marvelous," Jasmine says.
Another campfire ceremony for the Rats. They pile into the seating area around the glowing firepit which illuminates the dark blue night. Samey is one of the last to arrive, wearing her new oversized clothes. Amy immediately points and laughs. "What are those, your pajamas? You look like a kid playing dress-up!" Samey winces and rubs her arm insecurely.
"Chin up, Samey," Jasmine encourages. "She's just insecure that you're becoming your own person."
"Welcome, Rats," Chris announces. "Another loss. A pretty brutal loss, too. Like, it wasn't even CLOSE. What an embarrassment!"
"No need to rub it in!" Dakota responds.
"I have twelve marshmallows here on this plate, and Chef has one toxic marshmallow of loserdom. There are thirteen of you in front of me. You do the math. Someone's going home." Chris pauses. "But it's not going to be Topher. Or Jasmine, Dawn, Sam, B, Scarlett, Rodney, or Scott." Chris throws a marshmallow to the people whose names he called. "Lightning, Amy, Samey, Dakota, and Staci. You all failed to score a point for your team in this challenge. So it's no surprise you're all on the chopping block!" Chris pauses again for suspense. "The next marshmallows go to Samey and Lightning."
"Sha-bam! About time!" says Lightning.
"Also safe is… Dakota. Somehow." Chris tosses Dakota a marshmallow.
"Rude!" scoffs Dakota.
"Staci. Amy. One of you is going home tonight. And the final marshmallow goes to…"
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"...Amy."
"What? But I was doing so good!" Staci protests. The toxic marshmallow is thrown at Staci. She catches it and all her hair falls out.
"Eww!" All the contestants reel back in horror and disgust.
"Staci!" Rodney exclaims. He runs up to her. "I just want to say that I… I didn't vote for you. You're like, the coolest girl I've ever met. Even without the hair!"
Amy makes a gagging motion with her finger.
"Really? That's like, so nice!" Staci smiles. "I just-"
"Boring!" Chris interrupts. Chef grabs Staci and drags her off.
At the Dock of Shame, Staci is hosed off by the Detox of Shame and thrown into the Boat of Losers. Chris turns to the camera. "Another annoying camper down. Who will fall next? And will they still have their hair by the time I am done with them? FInd out right here on Total! Drama! Revenge of the Island!"