(A/N: Critters from Critters vs. Gremlins from Gremlins. Two vicious little monsters known for causing chaos and destruction that are extremely dangerous. Who will win?)

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

"CRITTERS vs. GREMLINS"

INTRODUCTION

Wiz: Little monsters have always been a topic of fascination and terror.

Boomstick: And these two creepy creatures are some of the most ferocious around.

Wiz: Critters, ever-hungry space hairballs always looking for their next meal.

Boomstick: And Gremlins, chaos loving, malicious little monsters. He's Wiz, and I'm Boomstick.

Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their strength, speed, and abilities to find out who would win a Death Battle.

CRITTERS/KRITES

Wiz: Hailing from another planet comes an alien species known as the Krites, or Critters, as they come to be known on Earth.

Boomstick: And these little hairballs are the most vicious little things you'll ever meet.

Wiz: They may not look overly threatening compared to some other creatures to hit the screen, especially with their small size, but Critters are quite possibly the most aggressive alien species there is.

Boomstick: They're so dangerous that an intergalactic space council actually had them hunted to the brink of extinction, with the intention of keeping the last few as prisoners, and the only reason they didn't wipe them out completely was because they had a law against allowing the complete extinction of an entire species, no matter how dangerous they were.

BACKGROUND:

Official species name: Krites (also spelled Crites)

Alien species from an unknown world

Height: Usually 12-18 inches (varies)

Considered a living plague

Have their own language

Always hungry no matter how much they eat

Known to hunt and eat in packs

Hunted to the brink of extinction due to danger level

Very hostile and aggressive

Wiz: Critters are an extremely hostile species that somewhat resembles a cross between porcupines and Pac-Man on two legs. Typically, they're about a foot to a foot and a half tall, though there have been those that are smaller, at least in the first movie.

Boomstick: You going blind, Wiz? Just look at that one. It's got to be like six feet tall.

Wiz: Yes, while it's true that in the first movie a few did start growing bigger with the more they ate, this only takes place in the first movie. And since those that appear in the sequels are notably much younger, it can be assumed that only older Critters grow larger like this with the more they eat.

Boomstick: Well that's some good news at least, especially since these things are always hungry. Like literally all the time. From the moment they're born, they never stop eating.

Wiz: This is largely what makes Critters so dangerous. No matter how much they eat, a Critter is always hungry. This seems in part due to them having an extremely fast digestion system, as indicated when we saw a Critter immediately become, um, gassy just a couple minutes after it started eating beans. But, unfortunately, they're primarily carnivorous, and so will favor eating meat over anything else.

Boomstick: And they're not picky about it either. Hell, they don't even care if their prey is alive or dead. As soon as they catch it, they immediately start eating. And worse, they gather together and hunt in packs. They even have a loud cry they can unleash to call others. Just image dozens of these things coming after you all at once, like an entire swarm of fur and teeth.

Wiz: A Critter's bite is very dangerous. Possessing a large mouth that's filled with at least three rows of sharp teeth, Critters have been shown to be able to bite straight through solid bone, even as newborns.

Boomstick: Yeah, these things are lethal literally from the moment they're born. With food always on the brain, it's a miracle they can think about anything else at all.

Wiz: Despite their constant ravenous appetite that they're pretty much ruled by, Critters are actually rather smart; smart enough to steal, operate, and fly a spaceship even, or operate other forms of technology. In fact, they seem to be born with intelligence, as they're able to speak in their own language and understand what things are shortly after they hatch from their eggs.

Boomstick: That's right. Believe it or not, these hairballs come from eggs, and their mating puts rabbits to shame. In the first movie, there were only eight of them, but they banged and popped out so many eggs that when they all hatched in the sequel, there were hundreds, maybe even thousands of them. No wonder they eat all the time; these things pop out eggs so much they need the energy.

Wiz: Yes, it does seem that the sole purpose of the Critter race is strictly to eat and reproduce, especially since eggs will hatch just hours after being eggs, although the cold does seem to put the eggs in a hibernation-like state. A Critter can easily have its egg laid, hatch from it, grow, and produce its own eggs that will also hatch all within the course of a single day. But this reproduction process does lead to an interesting and contradictory revelation, as it turns out that Critters actually have a queen. Not in the royal hierarchy sense, although they do seem to follow some kind of leadership amongst packs, but rather, they have queens in the way ants and bees have queens.

Boomstick: Which doesn't really make sense since they can clearly breed with each other, and will apparently even do so with their siblings. Man, that's nasty.

Wiz: It's possibly that while standard Critters breed like normal animals, albeit at a much faster rate, and in much greater numbers, once a queen mates, she'll constantly reproduce indefinitely the way a termite or ant queen does. This is just a theory though, and we don't really know since the only queen we do see actually flees from the rest of her kind. Interestingly enough, unlike the rest of her species, the queen is kind and docile, with a much better control of her hunger, possibly because until she mates, she doesn't need the constant energy required to reproduce. In fact, the whole reason she fled from the others is so her kind wouldn't mass produce and wipe out all life on Earth.

Boomstick: Or maybe she just didn't feel like being turned into a baby maker that's forced to experience the miracle of birth all day, every day for the rest of her life. Because when all the eligible bachelors came to be her "king", if you know what I mean, she went total beast mode on them.

Wiz: It should also be noted that Critters are apparently capable of breeding outside of their own species. We actually see an instance where one breeds with a woman to create a human-Critter hybrid.

Boomstick: Wait, what the hell? You're telling me that one of those man-eating hairballs and some chick actually… How's that even possible?

Wiz: Well, you see, Boomstick, when two people love each other very, very much–

Boomstick: I know how sex works, Wiz! I meant how did a Critter actually knock up a human? How can the two be even remotely compatible enough to breed?

Wiz: Honestly, I have no idea, but apparently, it happened.

Boomstick: There's no way that happened. You're totally screwing with me.

Wiz: No, really, there was actually a short series featuring this human-Critter hybrid, where he was mostly human, but had a few Critter traits and physical features.

Boomstick: Yeah, I don't believe you. Where's my phone, I'm looking this up.

Wiz: Anyway, while Critters pose a literal apocalyptic threat in large numbers, even just a few of them are very dangerous. They were even compared to a plague by the intergalactic council. Aside from a mouth full of razor-sharp teeth, Critters have a number of other ways to hunt down their prey, such as–

Boomstick: Holy crap, Wiz, you weren't kidding! A Critter actually knocked up some chick! How the hell does that even work!?

Wiz: We've moved passed their reproduction, Boomstick.

Boomstick: No, seriously, that's got to be one of the most WTF things I've ever seen.

Wiz: Focus, Boomstick. Now, as I was saying, Critters have a variety of ways to hunt down their prey. One of their most notable features is a line of quills that run down their back. They can fire these quills, which seem to contain some kind of venom or neurotoxin that cause numbness and drowsiness. And if they hit their prey in the neck, it will knock them out instantly, presumably to allow the Critter to feed while their prey is unconscious.

POWERS AND ABILITIES:

At least 3 rows of sharp teeth

Claws

Can launch venomous quills to knock out prey

Can roll as fast as a truck

Can launch themselves into the air

Human level intelligence

Born with intelligence

Grow to maturity very quickly

Can reproduce in great numbers very quickly

Tough skin

Can grow larger with the more they eat

High sense of smell

Boomstick: Fortunately, once these quills are removed, the victim will wake up right away, though they do feel groggy and disorientated for a while afterwards. Kind of like me when I wake up with a hangover.

Wiz: In addition to teeth and quills, Critters also have claws on each hand, though they seem to be more for show, as we've only ever seen the queen use hers, suggesting that standard Critters really only use them to latch onto live prey and begin eating.

Boomstick: And trust me, once those things grab on, they're not letting go easily. Not even beating or stabbing them will get them to let go most of the time.

Wiz: This seems to be due to the fact that Critters have a very tough outer hide. Not only are they covered in a thick layer of fur, but their skin is also very tough, and is able to withstand quite a bit. This is demonstrated when a bunch of towns people attempted to blow up a whole swarm of them, but they all survived, or another one who lays down on a frier while it was on, and is seemingly not even affected by the heat.

Boomstick: Yeah, there was also this one Critter that swallowed a firecracker whole, and when the thing blew up inside him, he only expanded a bit instead of blowing apart. Sure, that still killed him since him insides blown apart, but outside, he was completely fine.

Wiz: This tough exterior seems to be a result of protecting its more fragile insides, as once you get past their tough skin, it's fairly easy to just splatter them apart. In fact, from the looks of it, aside from teeth and claws, Critters don't even have a skeleton. This suggests that their insides are akin to an insect's.

Boomstick: Yeah, but they also seem to have a lot of muscle, which really comes in handy for when they're rolling around.

Wiz: This is one of the Critters' most defining characteristics. On their own two feet, they're really not that fast, nor can they maneuver around all that much. Rather, Critters will curl up into a ball and roll after their prey.

FEATS:

Stole and flew an alien spaceship

Survived an explosion

Launched itself high into the air

Dented a truck door by slamming into it

Devoured a man in seconds (as a group)

Killed a professional bounty hunter

Became labeled as an apocalyptic level threat

Are considered a living plague

Boomstick: And trust me, these things are fast. They may not be quick on their little legs, but when they're rolling, they can really pick up speed. We've even seen them go as fast as a speeding truck. Some of them are even seen going full-on Sonic the Hedgehog.

Wiz: And it's not just speed, but strength too, as Critters have been able to launch themselves while curled up to hit with enough force that they can actually dent a car door. They can even spin in place to build up enough speed to launch themselves straight up into the air.

Boomstick: And when a bunch of them get together in a ball, that's when you really need to watch out. They'll form a giant hairball of death that will eat anything down to the bone by the time it finishes rolling over it, like some kind of land piranha ball.

Wiz: With all these dangerous characteristics, it's easy to see why they've been hunted to the brink of extinction. Because once they start eating, they never stop.

GREMLINS/MOGWAI

Wiz: Sure, they're cute. Sure, they're cuddly. Sure, you can take one home with you. Just be sure to follow three very important rules.

Boomstick: Keep them away from bright light, don't get them wet, and never, ever feed them after midnight.

Wiz: Break any of these three rules and you'll either end up with a dead Mogwai or a very serious problem.

Boomstick: Especially if you break that third rule. That one is the big no-no.

Wiz: For the most part, Mogwai are small, cute, mischievous little creatures, but overall, they're not really dangerous; they just like causing trouble.

Boomstick: With the exception of Gizmo there. He's such a good boy. Kind of reminds me of a Furby. You remember those things, Wiz?

Wiz: Yes, unlike the others we've seen, Gizmo doesn't enjoy causing trouble and being mischievous, and is typically a kind and friendly companion to have around. This could be due to his age, as he's several years older than the others we've seen, or he may simply be unique amongst his kind. But even he can pose a major threat if you break the third rule.

Boomstick: Because once you feed a Mogwai after midnight, they'll construct a cocoon, and in a matter of hours, they'll hatch into one of these, a Gremlin.

BACKGROUND:

Height: About 2 feet

The "adult" form of a Mogwai after metamorphosing

Hatch from cocoons after eating after midnight as a Mogwai

Vulnerable to bright light

Have their own language

Maliciously mischievous

Very aggressive and hostile

Follow an alpha hierarchy

Are aliens (according to the novel)

Wiz: Gremlins are the metamorphosed, or "adult" form of a Mogwai, like how a caterpillar becomes a butterfly, or a larva becomes a fly. This metamorphosis doesn't come about through growing over time, but is strictly the result of them eating after midnight.

Boomstick: Which is really vague and leaves you with a lot of unanswered question. Like, what about daylight savings? Or what about different time zones? And once midnight passes, at what time can you start feeding them again?

Wiz: Yes, the rules aren't really clear on the whole feeding after midnight part, which is why you need to be so careful, because you absolutely do not want to end up with a Gremlin.

Boomstick: Yeah, no kidding. They go from furry and cute to scaly and scary. I mean, look at that thing. That's total nightmare fuel.

Wiz: It's not just a change in appearance that's different. While Mogwai may be mischievous, their mischief is, for the most part, not necessarily malicious.

Boomstick: Tell that to the dog they strung up with Christmas lights.

Wiz: Yes, that one was pretty bad. But as mean-spirited as that was, once Mogwai become Gremlins, their mischief becomes completely chaotic and destructive. They also become extremely aggressive and very hostile.

Boomstick: No joke, these things are downright dangerous. They're pretty much a threat to anything that's alive. Hell, they'll even kill each other for a laugh. Not that there's ever a lack of them in reserve.

Wiz: See, Mogwai, and by extension, Gremlins, reproduce asexually, meaning they don't need to mate. This is the reason for one of the three rules; don't get them wet. Because doing so will actually cause them to multiply.

Boomstick: Yup, just add water, and, poof, you got yourself a new batch.

Wiz: Upon getting wet, Gremlins and Mogwai will begin to spawn through what seem to be reproductive pouches in their back. Even a single drop of water is enough to begin this unique form of reproduction.

Boomstick: Yeah, but it's got to be actual water though. No snow or ice. And it's got to be pure water too, not something like coffee or tea or anything with water in it, like cement; though apparently chlorinated water is fine.

Wiz: With a reproductive ability such as this, a single Gremlin or Mogwai can spawn hundreds or even thousands more in a matter of minutes. What more, they'll also fully grow and develop in under a minute as well.

Boomstick: Guess it's a good thing there's a pretty effective way of killing them since they can spread so quickly. That's what the first rule is for.

Wiz: See, both Gremlins and Mogwai are, for lack of a better word, allergic to bright light, where being directly exposed to it will harm or even kill them if the intensity is bright enough; not too unlike vampires. Sunlight in particular will completely melt a Gremlin into a pile of, well, goop in less than a minute.

Boomstick: So you better pack some flashlights, because these things are just plan nasty.

POWERS AND ABILITIES:

Sharp teeth and claws

Very fast

Can break the Fourth Wall via getting into the TV

Multiply when exposed to water

Near human level intelligence

Inherit genetic memories

Rapid growth

Will mutate when exposed to genetic material

High pain tolerance

Capable of temporarily living through near full bodily destruction

Wiz: Gremlins come fully equipped with long, sharp nails and a mouthful of thick, needle-like teeth. More often than not, if they find you, they won't hesitate to attack.

Boomstick: Unless they get their hands on some kind of machinery, then they'll just cause it to go haywire and watch the chaos and carnage that follows with no care of who gets hurt in it. Actually, they'd prefer it if people did get hurt.

Wiz: This in fact goes with the original Gremlin mythology that started in World War II, where having "Gremlins" in the machinery was used as a way to explain why airplane parts didn't work. Although this claim was never meant to be taken seriously, it eventually began the stories and rumors that foreign adversaries were putting them into machines in order to sabotage them.

Boomstick: Oh, so that's why that old dude was so paranoid about foreign cars and such. Well, I guess he had a point, those Gremlins certainly did a lot of sabotaging. And not just with machines either; those things tore apart a whole town in the first movie, and an entire office building in the sequel.

Wiz: Despite not looking it, Gremlins are actually quite agile and can get around very fast. You'll also find them getting into the most unlikely of places.

Boomstick: Like inside your TV set, or even the film booth showing the actual movie they're in, which allows them to break the Fourth Wall. Still trying to figure out how that worked.

Wiz: It should also be pointed out that both Gremlins and Mogwai seem to operate with a kind of hierarchy system, where they're led by an alpha. This alpha is born with a stripe of white hair that sticks up on the top of their head. These alphas appear to be smarter and more aggressive than the rest of their kind, and the others seem to instinctually fall in line under them.

Boomstick: That stripe isn't exclusive to Mogwai either, as when they become Gremlins, they'll either keep the hair or it will be replaced by a spiky fin. And yes, these alphas are also smarter and more aggressive than standard Gremlins as well.

Wiz: Interestingly, it seems that Mogwai and Gremlins' reproduction is environmentally aware of whether there's another alpha around or not. Gizmo is clearly not an alpha, yet both times when he got wet and reproduced, he spawned an alpha when there wasn't another one. In the first movie, it was Stripe, in the second, it was Mohawk. And once these two were present, no other alphas were birthed amongst the hundreds and hundreds of others that were born. It's a fascinating aspect to their reproduction, but we do see similar circumstances take place in nature based on environment in the real world. Though according to the novelization, both Mogwai and Gremlins are actually aliens from another planet.

Boomstick: You want to know what's really interesting? It's how these things seem to be born with knowledge. As soon as they're born, they're fully capable of talking, sort of, and they know and understand what things are or even who characters are, and they can use things or have knowledge of stuff they can't possibly know, like how they all knew the lyrics to Heigh Ho when watching Snow White for the first time, or when they make references to other things they should have no way of knowing about.

Wiz: This kind of awareness suggests that they possess a kind of genetic memory, where they're able to pass on thoughts and knowledge to their offspring so they're born knowing things by inheriting the information from their parent. It's an interesting concept, but in this case, it only makes them more dangerous, especially when it comes to who is reproducing.

Boomstick: Like if an alpha multiplies, it'll only produce betas, but these betas will be more aggressive than if another beta reproduces.

Wiz: We saw examples of this in both movies as well. In the first one, when the alpha, Stripe, reproduced, his offspring were a lot more aggressive than the ones who appeared in the second movie. This is likely because the batch in the sequel were born from Lenny, George, and Daffy, who were all betas. They were still bloodthirsty and dangerous, but there was a notable lesser amount of aggression from them, as they were a little more interested in destructive partying and causing chaos over blatantly attacking people. Keep in mind, they still did plenty of attacking and killing, but it was more, shall we say, "playful" than the more savage behavior of the Gremlins from the first movie.

Boomstick: Good thing these things aren't too hard to kill. It doesn't take too much to just splatter them into mush.

FEATS:

Destroyed an entire town in a single night

Took over an office building

Temporarily survived melting down to the skeleton

Broke the Fourth Wall

Became too dangerous to be allowed to live

Survived multiple shots from an assault rifle

Mutated into various forms (when consuming genetic serums)

Wiz: Well, this is true, but also not really. While their bodies are definitely fragile, Gremlins are in fact rather difficult to kill. We've seen some of them take some pretty heavy damage, become reduced to a mere skeleton, or even melt into puddles, and still survive, albeit briefly. Any other animal would have been dead long before that.

Boomstick: And if that weren't bad enough, these things seem to have a high tolerance for pain, where after they get hurt, they just shake it off. We even saw one get splashed in the face with acid, but after a few seconds of screaming, it immediately laughed it off and started pretending to be the Phantom of the Opera.

Wiz: This fragile but also difficult to kill condition seems to be a result of them having seemingly unstable bodies. In the second movie, things even get… um creative, I guess you could say, when the Gremlins break into a genetics lab and begin consuming genetic serums that start mutating them.

Boomstick: Yeah, we ended up getting a bat Gremlin, a spider Gremlin, a smart Gremlin, a vegetable Gremlin, even a… what the hell, an electrical Gremlin? How's that work?

Wiz: We even see a gender-swapped Gremlin, which doesn't really make sense since Gremlins technically don't have sexes, even though they're all considered male, but this female Gremlin is noticeably less aggressive and is actually quite docile compared to the rest of her species.

Boomstick: Maybe that's because she's in looooove… Whoa, déjà vu. What is it with these little monsters wanting to bang humans?

Wiz: Yes, it's unusual, but Gremlins would be more likely to want to tear you to shreds or maliciously prank you to death for a laugh over anything else.

Boomstick: Think of them like little, scary monster versions of the Joker. That's really the best way to describe them.

Wiz: And the best way to handle them would be to avoid them completely. And the best way to do that would be to follow the rules.

THE BATTLE

The sun is shining brightly on a large building in the city, upon which an alien spaceship has crashed into. Inside the building, in the kitchen, the fridge is open, and a pile of food has been spilled out that a Critter is gobbling up. It suddenly pauses in eating as it takes notice of something and walks away from its meal to see what it is.

The object it walks up to is a large cocoon, and the Critter looks at it curiously as it begins to twitch. Suddenly, it rips open, and a Gremlin pops out. It throws its arms up and lets out a laugh before noticing the Critter and turning to it.

Pointing at the Critter, it lets out another laugh, and the Critter snaps at its finger, but the Gremlin pulls its hand back before it gets chomped and growls at the Critter.

Critter: "Live meat. Yum, yum."

Gremlin: "Hairball. Caca."

FIGHT!

The Critter waddles at the Gremlin, snapping its jaws. The Gremlin dances backwards a few steps to avoid the jaws, then slashes at the Critter with its claws. It strikes the Critter once, twice, then spines around, swinging its claws as it moves towards the Critter, slashing it.

The Critter recoils from the claw swipes before lunging forward and head-butting the Gremlin, knocking it back. Then it curls up into a ball and begins spinning in place to build up speed before launching itself at the Gremlin. It crashes into it, and the Gremlin goes flying backwards, crashing into a wall. The Critter rolls at it again, but the Gremlin jumps over it, and the Critter crashes into the wall.

It uncurls and wobbles back and forth, dizzy, and the Gremlin suddenly jumps onto its back. It grabs on with its claws and bites the top of the Critter's head. The Critter cries out and suddenly curls up into a ball again. It begins spinning in place, and the Gremlin spins with it. It can't hold onto it and gets sent flying to the other side of the room. The Critter immediately rolls after it, crashing into the Gremlin as soon as it gets up, sending it flying up into the air before it comes crashing down.

The Critter stops rolling and uncurls. It turns back to the Gremlin and bends over. The quills going down its back rise up, and it begins firing them at the Gremlin as it gets up. The Gremlin hops back and the quills strike the ground in front of it. The Critter fires more, and the Gremlin leaps away before it gets hit, but the quills keep coming. One of them hits one of the Gremlin's ears, but goes straight through. The Gremlin yelps and jumps up to avoid the other quills being fired at it and ends up clinging onto a cupboard.

Gremlin: "Pierced ear! Pierced ear!"

The Critter fires another quill at it, and the Gremlin leaps off the cupboard onto the counter beside a knife storing block. It takes out a knife before turning back to the Critter and mimics the music from the shower scene in Psycho before throwing the knife.

The Critter had stopped firing its quills, and upon seeing the knife coming at it, its eyes bulge out. The knife embeds into the wall just above its head, shaving off the fur on the top of its head, leaving it bald on top. The Gremlin laughs and grabs more knives that it proceeds to throw. The Critter curls up as knives come at it and it begins rolling out of their path. It rolls across the room and launches itself up onto the counter where the Gremlin is at. The Gremlin leaps out of the way as the Critter bounces up onto the counter. It uncurls and suddenly spots its reflection in the toaster in front of it, noticing its new baldness.

Critter: "Bitchin'!"

The Gremlin laughs again as it stands beside a dishrack, and it begins grabbing plates that it starts throwing at the Critter. One of the plates strikes the Gremlin in the head, and it turns back to the Gremlin. Curling up, it rolls in place for a few moments before launching at the Gremlin, heedless of the flying plates.

It slams into the Gremlin, sending it flying across the room and out the door. It ends up in the next room, which turns out to be a laundry room, and crashes into a washing machine. Dazed, it gets up and shakes its head as the Critter comes rolling in. It launches itself at the Gremlin, but the Gremlin jumps up onto the washing machine as the Critter slams into it hard enough to dent the side.

As the Critter dislodges itself from the washing machine, the Gremlin stands on top of it with a bottle of bleach in its hands.

Gremlin: "Chlorox bleach!"

It pours the bottle down onto the Critter down below. The Critter cries out as the bleach splashes over it, and the Gremlin lets out a laugh before tossing the bottle away and pushing a basket of clothes down on top of the Critter before hopping off the shelf and breaking through an air vent.

Down on the ground, the Critter crawls out of the clothes it was under and lets out a growl, a portion of its fur now bleached white. It begins looking around, and then the static silhouette of the Gremlin appears on screen. It lets out a laugh and begins mocking the Critter from beyond the Fourth Wall. The Critter growls again before curing up into a ball and rolling at the screen, shattering the glass as it too breaks the Fourth Wall.

The Gremlin is knocked into a new room, this time a laboratory full of genetic research. The Critter comes bursting through the wall in its curled-up form and rolls at the Gremlin, who spots something up on the counter. As the Critter launches at it, the Gremlin leaps up onto the counter, avoiding it. Once on the counter, it snatches up a beaker with a picture of a bat on it and drinks it. Bat wings suddenly sprout from its back, and it takes to the air.

Still on the ground, the Critter uncurls and it snarls up at the Gremlin. The Gremlin swoops down, and the Critter snaps at it, but neither manage to grab the other. The Gremlin swoops down a few more times, avoiding the Critter's snapping jaws, before it manages to scratch it with its talons. The Critter snarls and curls up. It begins rolling around, trying to launch itself up at the flying Gremlin, but misses each time.

During one launching attempt, the Gremlin snatches the Critter out of the air. Laughing, it flies up high, then spins around and throws it across the room. The Critter bounces around before uncurling. It wobbles about, dazed, and the Gremlin laughs. The Critter shakes its head and growls up at the Gremlin, then bends over and starts shooting quills up at it. The Gremlin dodges them in mid-air, but one of the quills strikes the window shades behind it, and one end falls down, causing sunlight to pour into the room through the window and over the Gremlin.

The Gremlin screeches as its bathed in sunlight. Its wings melt away, and it drops down out of the sunlight, landing on a counter with more beakers on it. The Critter leaps up onto a nearby table and snarls at the Gremlin. The Gremlin gets up and snatches one of the beakers, this one with the picture of a spider on the label. It gulps it down, and after a few moments of painful trembling, its lower body explodes into that of a spider, and it rises up onto its new spider legs.

The Critter curls up into a ball and starts rolling in place before shooting across the table, across the open space, and onto the counter. It launches at the Gremlin, but the Gremlin catches it, sliding back from the impact. The Critter uncurls and begins snapping at the Gremlin, its jaws just out of range.

The Gremlin tosses the Critter away, and it bounces across the room. The Gremlin hops down onto the floor and snarls as the Critter rolls back at it. It leaps at the Gremlin, but the Gremlin suddenly stabs out with one of its spider legs. The Critter is impaled on it and screeches, but it then uncurls and chomps down on the spider leg. The Gremlin cries out and begins shaking its leg to try to dislodge the Critter. The Critter bites clean through and drops down, but immediately leaps up onto the Gremlin and bites down onto its shoulder.

It begins eating as the Gremlin struggles. The Critter eats its way through the Gremlin's shoulder, gnawing its arm completely off and tearing it free from the Gremlin's body. The Gremlin pulls away from the Critter, holding where its arm once was as it backs away. The Critter pulls the severed spider leg out of its chest where it was impaled. It tosses the leg into its mouth and swallows it, and suddenly grows larger. It then curls into a ball again and starts rolling in place before launching at the Gremlin.

Reaching back with its remaining legs, the Gremlin begins producing and gathering up spider web. It starts throwing its webbing in front of it, creating a wall of spider web. The Critter rolls right into it, going through far enough to smash into the Gremlin before the webbing pulls it back, and it gets caught up in it. The Gremlin goes flying backwards from the impact and crashes into the wall. A crack runs up the length of the wall to the celling, where a sprinkle activates. Water sprays down and pours over the Gremlin. It begins groaning and spasming as its back starts to bubble with eggs forming on it.

The Critter is still caught in the web. It continues to roll in place, a streak of smoke rising up behind it as the webbing keeps it bound while the Gremlin continues to thrash about under the birthing pains. But suddenly, the Critter tears free from the webbing, rolls across the ground, and launches at the Gremlin. Its jaws snap shut around the Gremlin's neck, and in a matter of seconds, it rips the Gremlin's heads from its body.

The headless Gremlin collapses, and the Critter immediately starts eating it, including the eggs it had been producing. But as it eats, it suddenly takes notice of something and looks up. An entire swarm of Gremlins have entered the room in front of it.

Critter: "Uh-oh."

The Critter suddenly throws its head back and lets out a loud continuous wail. From the other side of the room, a swarm of Critters come rolling in. They all roll over to the initial Critter and pile up around it, forming a giant ball. All the Critters' mouths begin snapping as the ball starts rolling. The Gremlins all turn around and start fleeing, but the giant Critter ball runs them all down, leaving only skeletons behind as it rolls over them and breaks through the wall to the outside, allowing sunlight to fill the room and melt all the Gremlin skeletons left behind.

KO!

People are seen fleeing down the street as the giant Critter ball rolls after them.

OUTCOME

Boomstick: Whoa, I didn't see that final part coming. Twist ending with both groups showing up.

Wiz: Whether it was one-on-one or a swarm of both, the Critters were always going to be the winners in this fight. Not only have they proven to be more intelligent than the Gremlins, they're also more hostile and more aggressive.

Boomstick: Not to mention dangerous. I mean, don't get me wrong, those teeth and claws on the Gremlins are nothing to laugh at, but when compared to the bone chomping bite of a Critter, they paled in comparison.

Wiz: Critters also had a better defense with their tough skin and fur. While the Gremlins' teeth and claws would damage them, they would have a harder time getting through the Critters' tough exterior. Plus, there's also the fact that Critters bring a whole new meaning to the phrase 'eat through the pain', since not even getting stabbed and beaten will typically get them to stop eating.

Boomstick: Forget eating through the pain, Critters can eat through practically anything. Remember how we mentioned that they could bite straight through solid bone? If they could do that, then the fragile body of a Gremlin would be easy to munch through.

Wiz: While it's true that Gremlins are capable of surviving extensive damage done to them, at least for a short period of time, it wouldn't really matter with the rate the Critters would be able to tear them apart. The Gremlins on the other hand, would have a much tougher time causing damage to a Critter, especially if they grow bigger. And that's assuming they don't get knocked out by a Critter's venomous quills.

Boomstick: Not even the mutated Gremlins would be of much use against a Critter. Well, except for maybe the electric Gremlin, but that's only the one unique scenario. Plus, we don't really know all that much about it, and it's actually possible that a Critter's tough skin could withstand its electricity.

Wiz: This is actually demonstrated in the second movie, where, while we do see a Critter get electrocuted after chewing on some power cords, we don't actually see it die, and we even see others that are carelessly crawling over a toppled telephone pole that's sending electricity flying. We at least know that Critters are somewhat resistant to heat with the way one of them was carelessly laying on a frier, and with how long it took for one who swallowed a flare to burn through it. So it's quite possible that the electric Gremlin would face resistance with a Critter's tough skin. But even if we say that the electric Gremlin could win, that would just be one unique, exclusive scenario.

Boomstick: Even if it wasn't resistant, there would be nothing to stop a Critter from simply trapping it in some kind of technology the way the electric Gremlin was trapped in a phone, or even using some kind of alien space tech that that uses lasers or something to beat it; they're definitely smart enough to do so.

Wiz: Or it could even use water against it, which would actually backfire on an electric Gremlin since, as we saw in the movie, water conducts electricity, and its exposure to it actually tore the electric Gremlin apart.

Boomstick: Is that what happened at the end there? I always wondered about that.

Wiz: Speaking of water, the biggest problem a Critter would face would be a Gremlin's ability to rapidly reproduce endlessly if it got wet, or at least as long as its water supply lasts. However, as we've seen, when a Gremlin and a Mogwai gets wet, the birthing pains pretty much render them immobile.

Boomstick: Which would just make them an easy meal for a hungry Critter. But even if they weren't rendered immobile, there's no way they would be able to outrun a Critter. Sure, Gremlins may be faster on their feet, but they're definitely not outrunning a balled-up Critter, which could even keep up with a truck.

Wiz: Of course, there's always the chance that Gremlins could defeat Critters with superior numbers, but if we're going to make there be multiple Gremlins, then we have to make there be multiple Critters to make the fight even. But once enough Critters get together to form a big enough ball, it really wouldn't matter how many Gremlins there are.

Boomstick: No joke. You could have an entire army of, like, 10,000 Gremlins, and that big ball of teeth and hair would just run them down and devour them to the bone before they even finished rolling over them, and there wouldn't really be any way for the Gremlins to stop something that big and fast, no matter how many there are since they would just get eaten alive as soon as they approached it. And since Critters are literally always hungry, there was no chance of them ever getting too full to not eat their way through any number of Gremlins.

Wiz: You could argue that Gremlins could stop the Critter ball if they used some kind of machinery, like a tractor or bulldozer, but if we're going to give the Gremlins access to the such things, then we would have to give the Critters access to theirs as well, which would include alien technology and even a spaceship with a weapon system that can blow up an entire house.

Boomstick: But who wants to see that? This is a battle of teeth and claws. That's what we really want in a DB, to see what our two combatants can do when pitied against each other.

Wiz: Even if Gremlins break the Fourth Wall by getting into a computer, or a phone, or whatever it is you're seeing this Death Battle on, it wouldn't make much of a difference.

Boomstick: Hehe, yeah, we may have jumped the shark a bit with the whole breaking the Fourth Wall part of the fight.

Wiz: Maybe, but like I said, it wouldn't have changed anything. After all, Critters have, to an extent, slightly broken the Fourth Wall a bit as well, though nowhere near to the capability of a Gremlin. But even if they couldn't, when the Gremlins have broken the Fourth Wall, they still interact with whoever or whatever it is in the type of media that they're currently engaged with, and it's also been able to interact with them as well. We saw a few examples of this in the second movie, such as their interaction with Hulk Hogan, who was watching the actual movie in theaters, or with their gunfight with John Wayne in the movie Chisum, and even a movie critic giving a review of the first movie. So even if the Gremlin did break the Fourth Wall in its fight with the Critter, the Critter could still fight back.

Boomstick: Hey, I'm just glad that part ended before they broke enough walls to reach the two of us.

Wiz: This was certainly a ferocious battle between two very dangerous species, and the Gremlins may have proven to be much tougher prey than what the Critters were used to, but at the end of the day, they were still only prey.

Boomstick: And that just makes them one more snack for these monsters with the munchies.

Wiz: The winners are the Critters.

TRIVIA

Both Critters and Gremlins are extremely dangerous little monsters.

Both are aliens from outer space.

Both are able to breed in great numbers and grow very quickly.

Both are extremely hostile.

Both are born with intelligence.

Both use teeth and claws as their primary method of attack.

Both are known for gathering in groups.

Both species are unofficially dubbed Critters/Gremlins.