Black Is The New Black
Summary: After Dostoevsky is arrested and everyone had their individual parties, Mori invited the Agency and the Guild for a joint celebration. The Agency needs formal clothes. An unexpected source helps provide it. And, oh, the party turns out more chaotic than originally intended, but what else is new?
After the grueling, tiring, taxing Cannibalism incident involving Dostoevsky, near death, getting shot and another mini-war between the Port Mafia and the Armed Detective Agency that more or less came to an end when Dazai took over the command after a (not so) mysterious man stopped their leaders from killing each other, everyone was ready to just call it a day. But they also wanted to celebrate, so they did. Dazai even shamelessly used his new 'friendship' with Fitzgerald to coin a yacht for the Agency to hold a small part on.
A couple of days later, however, came a ... unique invitation, to say the least.
I, Mori Ougai, would like to invite the Armed Detective Agency on behalf of the Port Mafia to a celebratory gathering in the name of comradeship experienced during the Cannibalism incident. In hopes of further festering this alliance into a stable partnership, we hope you will join us for a festive night with the Guild to celebrate the defeat of Fyodor Dostoevsky.
The invitation went on to state the date, time and location, as well as describe the event as formal. Food and drink would be provided by the Mafia and, should they need it, so will the Agency's attire given their ... lower budgets. Half of the Agency is convinced that the President even accepted the ridiculous invitation because of that last dig at the difference in what they earn and what the mafiosos do.
Still, Fukuzawa had accepted, no matter the reason, and so they would be attending the party along with Fitzgerald and the three Guild members he has left so far. Everyone seemed a bit excited for another party, since the last one had been just what they needed to unwind from the stress they all underwent in just 48 hours.
But there was a slight problem: most of the detectives have never dressed in overly formal clothes in their life besides for that one party the other day. Business casual was as close to formal as any of them had really gotten, sans maybe Yosano and the President. Or Kyouka, given she was dressed in silky kimonos most of the time. So they had to go shopping, much to the girls' delight, since their other formal clothes were simply not formal enough to 'show up' the Port Mafia. The President had to reassure Kunikida three times that it was fine to take a day off to collectively go shopping and five more times that it was okay to use a bit of their budget for their purchases, since it was kind of relating to business.
So here they were, browsing through one of the best boutiques in Yokohama, marveling at the soft materials or freaking out over the price of a tie, in Atsushi's case. Besides Yosano, everyone seemed a bit lost, not really sure what to look for and too unwilling to 'inconvenience' the store clerks without at least having some idea what they'd like.
Well, that was incorrect.
There was one other person who didn't seem the least bit bothered, or interested, really, with being in such an expensive shop.
Atsushi yelped when, suddenly, a hand slapped his own while he was reaching for a simple looking gray suit that was on the cheaper side. Lifting his gaze away from the jacket, he was surprised to come face to face with a very disapproving expression on his mentor's face. "No, Atsushi, bad weretiger! You are not picking last season's leftovers."
"Dazai-san?" The poor teenager asked in a stupor as the brunet casually hip-bumped him out of the way and browsed quickly through the rack of clothes before pulling out an admittedly much better looking purple suit. He held it up to Atsushi's face, looking him up and down, before nodding and moving to the other side of the store to browse through the shirts on display. He came back moments later with a yellow shirt before shoving the combo into Atushi's hands and forcing him into the dressing room.
"Try these on while I find you a tie to go with it. Probably something black to go with the shoes and not to clash with the suit and your eyes. Chop chop, Atsushi-kun~"
"Oi, Dazai, just what do you think you're doing?" Kunikida, who bore witness to the last part of the exchange, asked suspiciously. Dazai almost paid him no attention as he headed towards the tie section, but he stopped when he took one look at the midnight blue striped suit pants Kunikida was holding up with a monotone jacket and made a disgusted face.
"Kunikida-kun, you either have a patterned jacket or a whole plain suit. Besides, stripes stopped being a fashion statement and started being a fashion crime four years ago. Keep up. Also, that design doesn't suit your build, it'll make your hips look too big. A three piece would look better on you, anyways." With that, the brunet left his sputtering partner behind and pursued an appropriate tie.
This exchange, however, unlike the one with Atsushi, had not gone unnoticed.
"I never realized you had an interest in fashion, Dazai-san," Naomi commented, looking up from the dresses she'd been contemplating, trying to find one she'd like but would match her brother's tuxedo.
"I don't. However, I know formal wear better than you'd think Suits were an everyday thing for me for a very long time," the genius replied with a shrug. "In fact, I rather like suits. The most comfortable I've felt in the clothing I wear in the past four years had to be that white atrocity Shibusawa made for me and demon Fyodor. The thread count, if nothing else, was divine against my skin and I have to admit the shape of the suit was very flattering."
"I saw the suit," Kyouka commented. "It looked very pretty."
"Did you keep it?" Ranpo asked, not even really trying to look for clothes for himself but Fukuzawa kept browsing for him, if rather unsuccessfully.
"Try the brown blazer, green shirt, brown pants and brown tie combo at the end of that row, Shachou," Dazai commented as he finally seemed to find two ties he was vaguely satisfied with. "And yeah, I kept it. I know a good dry cleaners, so I took it there and had it mended. It's as good to go as it's ever been. Okay, Atsushi-kun, hurry it up a bit, I need to compare these ties!"
"C-coming, Dazai-san!" Stuttered out the flustered weretiger.
"Oh, you have to wear it now, Dazai~!" Half teased, half insisted their resident doctor. "It will even free up more of a budget for this shopping trip if we don't have to buy you a suit, too."
"There is no need for that, the finances are not the problem-"
"I guess that's fine," Dazai said over the President with a shrug. "Ne, Yosano-sensei, have you ever tried red? I think that dress over there, the one with the rose on the shoulder, would suit your figure really well and you already have the perfect shoes for it, I think? Ah, Atsushi-kun, don't you just look spiffy!"
The others looked and couldn't help but agree. The suit looked good on Atsushi, even bringing attention to his unique eyes, and it fit his slim frame without making him look like an underfed orphan he'd been until recently. Dazai skipped over to him and help up the two ties, tutting humorously at his protege as he squirmed under all the attention.
"Atsushi-kun, can you please not blush? I'm trying to see which tie will go better with the suit and your complexion."
Atsushi's blush only got worse and Dazai just laughed at him goodnaturedly as he seemed to decide on one of the ties anyways and easily looped it around the boy's neck. Within a few, quick, practiced movements, a perfect Eldrige knot sat under the collar of Atsushi's shirt, completing the look.
"There~!" Dazai clapped his hands as he took a step back to admire his handiwork. "That should do it."
"Huh, you're actually not bad at this at all, Dazai," came Ranpo's comment and everyone turned to see that the detective, too, had been dragged by Fukuzawa into following Dazai's advice, standing in the combination Dazai had recommended. It fit him as though it was tailored for him. "I like it! Should I go for a jacket, too?"
"If you're going to, make sure it's monotone and mat," replied the brunet easily.
"Dazai, I'm taking you shopping with me from now on!" Announced Yosane as she sauntered out in the dress Dazai had also recommended. She'd added some jewelry to match her butterfly clip and had put on red lip gloss to complete the look and she looked gorgeous. "I just need to grab my shoes and bag and I'm ready!"
"Dazai-san, can you help me, too?" Kenji asked, sweet as can be, and Dazai pats him on the head.
"Of course, Kenji-kun~! Also, Yosano-sensei, you should take the Chibi for shopping instead of me. I have no patience for it and, really, my good taste goes only as far as suits and formal clothes, as you can see," he says with a sweeping gesture towards his clothing before he goes to the racks again, contemplating an outfit for Kenji.
"I don't know about that," the doctor replies, doing a small once over of the taller genius. "You make it work. Even with the bandages."
Dazai snorts at that but doesn't acknowledge it beyond that, instead pulling out some baby blue slacks and a white shirt, along with a simple black bow-tie. "Try these on, Kenji-kun. Simple yet effective with those flounces around the button line will give the elegant yet youthful look."
"Us, next, Dazai-san~!" Cheered Naomi, dragging her brother along. Dazai considered them for a moment before giving Naomi an elegant, almost summer-like mid length, flowy dress and stuffing Junichiro into a simple black tux. It showed their age, making them look like a couple of teens going to a summer dance or prom, but breathed elegance regardless. It also matched them in a unique way that had the sister beaming while Junichiro just tried to figure out how to do his tie. Dazai ended up doing it for him, a simple half Windsors knot.
"I see that everything is going okay in here," the store manager comments as he walks in to see half of his current customers more or less ready to make their purchases. "Splendid choices, I must say." He said it as though he hadn't expected them to know what they were doing when they first arrived in his store. Which would be the fair assumption, though it wasn't in this case as the man had simply taken one look at their clothes and decided they were ignorant.
Dazai smiled at the man in the most infuriating manner he can manage. "Thank you~ I've always known my way around suits."
Interestingly enough, the man didn't take offence. "I'm glad you were able to find what you are looking for. Do you perhaps need some assistance for the rest of your party?" He asked as he glanced at Kyouka, Kunikida and the President. He also regarded Dazai in consideration. "Say, do we still have that black piece we got last week?" He asked one of his clerks, rubbing at his chin in thought, eyes never leaving Dazai. "With a few quick adjustments, I think it would fit him nicely, very nicely indeed."
"Are you sure, sir?" The clerk asked her boss. "He seems like the kind who'd look better in brighter colors. Like that white suit-"
"No, white would not suit him at all," the man dismissed, completely ignoring the way his customers were watching them now. "White is so falsely innocent and transparent, no secrets at all. Black is mysterious and hides a plethora of enigmatic surprises. After all, we've studied white and how it makes all the colors. Can we study how all the colors make black, though? White is too bland. Besides, this man is made for black," he says with a gesture towards Dazai, who doesn't even blink at that.
"I'm not sure whether I should wear black ever again. I'd get too comfortable in it."
But the clerk and the manager weren't paying attention anymore so Dazai left them to it, instead tracking down another clerk to ask about possibly selling formal kimonos, only to stop when he felt Kyouka tug at the sleeve of his coat. "I'd like to match the rest of the Agency, Dazai-san," was all she said before Dazai found her a modest midnight blue dress that almost matched her hair, coupled with a white blazer and a white flower pin for her hair that he left up to the other girls to style. Instead, he turned his attention to the two stiffs of the Agency, contemplating them both.
"Kunikida-kun, dump that suit already, will you? Steel gray would look much better on you, like that set over there. Take a red shirt and that black tie with red stripes, too. Shachou, would you like traditional or western formal clothes?" He asked, mind churning with possibilities.
"I think it would be only correct of me to follow everyone's example and let you choose, Dazai."
"Yeah, but, would you be more comfortable in traditional formal wear? I mean, Ane-san will definitely come in a kimono, so it's not like you'll stand out too much. Maybe she'll even manage to convince Chuuya to do the same, which is always a treat."
"I rather doubt it that Mr Fancy Hat will be attending at all," Ranpo said, snacking on some of the candies the store had set out for customers to try out during their shopping. "I mean, there's no use of abilities in Poe-kun's book, so even someone like him would need a while to beat one thousand characters so he could escape."
"Oh, you'd be surprised. Also, as his partner, I am utterly insulted that you think the hatrack isn't capable of beating up one thousand people without the use of his ability. The Chibi is a fighting machine and maniac besides. He'll be out faster than you think. But that's beside the point; Shachou, your decision?"
Fukuzawa still looked unsure.
"I know how you can one-up Mori-san in a suit, if you're interested?"
And so Fukuzawa ended up in a sleek black suit with dark green lapels, black shirt and green tie, along with a single gold pin. All in all, the Agency and the store workers all very much approved of Dazai's choices and were getting rather excited about showing off at the party later that night.
However, when Fukuzawa saw the bill, he half contemplated ruining everyone's day because there's simply no way the Agency could afford to pay that much. He blinked in surprise when the bill was suddenly snatched from his hands by long, deft fingers. Looking up, he nearly felt his jaw drop as Dazai winked at him while handing over a black credit card clearly owned by him, judging by the name printed out on it, to the store clerk working the register.
"Don't you worry about the bill, Shachou. I'm the one who made everyone choose the most pricey articles, so it's on me."
"Dazai, I can't possibly make you-"
"You're not making me do anything; I'm offering," he interrupted, smiling at the older man. He shrugged as he explained. "I don't use my money for pretty much anything at all, besides repaying what I steal from Kunikida-kun to mess with him on the daily or the meager groceries I buy and my bandages. And it's not even blood money, so you don't have to worry about that; I play around with the stock market in my free time when things get too dull, you see, so it's all legal money. You gave me somewhere to belong and put up with my questionable methods, so it's only fair I do something as simple and small as this for my friends every once in a while. Besides, I want to show up Mori-san, too. He purposefully made it a black tie event thinking we can't afford it, so fuck him."
Fukuzawa had to chuckle at that. How he keeps acquiring his old partner's 'kids' is an amusing enigma to him but he's not complaining. They most definitely seem happier in the Agency than at Mori's side, anyways.
"Alright then. Let's give that man the biggest 'fuck you' we can while maintaining peace, hmm?"
No one in the Agency ever did learn what their President said to send Dazai in such peals of laughter.
00000
One had to hand it to Mori; when he decides to try and show someone up with a fancy party, he really does go way out of his way to make it as gorgeous as can be, no doubt throwing around a lot of mafia money to achieve such elegance and grandeur. All of it was no doubt Kouyou's handiwork, either way, but no one could complain about a single detail being out of place, not even the slightly snobbish Fitzgerald. Fancy food and alcohol flows freely, the wait staff no doubt highly trained and highly trusted, everything exactly in its place. Even the music is very soothing and very fitting, not too loud but not too quiet, switching between classical and more modern pieces to suit everyone's tastes and provide some variety.
Most of the Agency can't help but be awed by the display, the exceptions being, of course, Kyouka, Ranpo, the President and Kunikida, who at least tries not to be impressed. Dazai wouldn't have been impressed, either, since he was used to such lavish gatherings organized by Mori and overseen by Kouyou, but he was, as per usual, late. He assured everyone it was no big matter, just that Sakaguchi Ango had stopped him for something regarding imprisonment of Fyodor Dostoevsky and that he shouldn't be too late, so they let it be.
The rest of the guests were all, of course, present. The Guild was far less numbered than they used to be, now holding even fewer members than the Agency but Lucy, Francis, Poe and Louise all look utterly lovely, as does the man Fitzgerald seems to have dragged to the gathering that has absolutely no idea why he was there and what was really going on. Ranpo informed his coworkers that he's the brains behind the Eyes of God that had helped them catch Dostoevsky in the first place and that's probably why he got to come and enjoy the fancy party.
Their hosts were all, of course, present, including Port Mafia Executive and resident gravity manipulator, Nakahara Chuuya, just as Dazai had predicted he would be. The redhead glared at Ranpo and Poe for a bit before shrugging and letting it go in a surprising show of maturity one would not usually see when the man was around Dazai. He, like everyone else from the Mafia, was dressed in expensive, fancy clothes that hugged his figure in all the best ways and showed off what years of hard work and training had resulted in, both body-wise and in finances. He still had his usual accessories, but they only added to the appeal of the burgundy suit and tie with a black, somewhat shimmery shirt to go with expensive Italian leather shoes and his hat, gloves and choker. Beside him was Kouyou in the elegant silky kimono Dazai said she's show up wearing and Mori, dressed in a plain suit with his usual jacket and red scarf of Bossmanship.
The Agency all smugly noted that their leader was dressed much better than the other one. Or even Fitzgerald, who pretty much wore the same business suit he usually wore, but with a bow-tie instead. Everyone kind of sweatdropped upon seeing that or hearing his explanation how the bow-tie had apparently been on sale.
The rest of the Port Mafia in attendance were dressed in fine clothes, too. Atsushi kind of had a hard time taking his eyes off of Akutagawa, who at least wore a dress shirt and vest under his usual black coat and everyone kind of had to gawk at Gin for a minute as it finally registered she's actually a girl and dresses look really good on her. Akutagawa was glaring murder at pretty much everyone from where he was standing next to her. Higuchi and Tachihara, though, will probably have to change out of their own formal wear soon, what with all the blood gushing from their noses. Too bad for Higuchi's dress, too, the blue of it really suited her complexion.
Kajii was eventually sent flying into a wall rather violently when he tried to pester Yosano. It didn't really ruin his outfit, given it was already messily assembled and that he was still wearing his wooden slippers. He had to be the one the worst dressed in the entire room and the Mafia looked rather embarrassed to be associated with him, or have them associated with the rest of them.
Even Q and Elise were dressed up for the occasion, even if people made sure to steer clear of the two. Whether it was because of Q or Elise, no one elaborated.
Everyone's reactions to seeing the detectives so dressed up was funny, though. It was clear the mafioso hadn't thought they'd be able to pull off the fancy look or afford it, but with Dazai's assistance, they easily stole the show if one didn't count the redhead Executives.
Or Hirotsu. Never forget Hirotsu's easy elegance. It is effortless and the man knows it. Everyone knows it.
The pretty Mafia redheads ignore how their Boss is sputtering at seeing his old partner all dressed up and instead properly assess the Agency members. Kouyou's eyes linger on Yosano for a moment too long with a barely perceptible smirk and Chuuya just snorts as he recognizes his own partner's taste in the fashion choices. It never ceased to amuse him how, despite hating extravagant fashion statements, Dazai could still choose the best formal or business clothes out of almost everyone else in the Mafia. It often felt like the man was born in a suit; he certainly looked the most comfortable in one, though he seemed to like his bolo tie getup well enough these days.
And speaking of his partner ...
"Oi, is that shitty Dazai late as always?"
The Agency doctor arches an eyebrow at him. "Well, he is still recovering from a painful bullet wound."
"... Ane-san, can you cover for me for a few days? I'm going to France."
"Behave yourself, lad," the older redhead sighed in fond exasperation before turning her attention back to their guests. "Feel free to make yourself comfortable and enjoy the food and drink. The staff knows not to let the children have alcohol and security is tight. Our alliance still stands, so no one of the Port Mafia will move against your people. We thank you for joining us for this celebration tonight," she finished with a perfect bow, like the perfect host she was, which Fukuzawa returned, soon followed by the rest of the Agency stiffly showing their gratitude for the invitation.
The group pretty much dispersed after that, Atsushi being dragged off by Akutagawa before Lucy could snatch him. Kyouka went with Ranpo towards the desert table, but the master detective eventually got distracted by Poe while the former assassin just snacked on crepes and eyed Lucy critically to make sure she wouldn't interfere with Kyouka's ship- Erm, so she would let the rivals bond over non-violent things in peace. Everyone left Junichiro and Naomi to their devices, though Kunikida made a few token efforts on them ruining the Agency's reputation by acting so shamelessly before Elise and Q decided to steal his glasses and run off with them, having the blond shamelessly chase them and ruin the Agency's reputation himself. Yosano ended up chatting with the ever shy Louise while occasionally shooting glares Mori's way, who still hadn't fully recovered but was at least no longer an embarrassment to Kouyou and Chuuya standing next to him. He was trying to engage Fukuzawa in some sort of private conversation but Fitzgerald kept trying to butt in and every not-so-subtle gesture for his Executives to lend a helping hand were ignored in favor of sipping wine and sake respectfully.
Kenji was eventually roped into helping Elise and Q with their prank and Higuchi, at least, seemed to have recovered a bit from her nose-bleed while Tachihara had to be sat down and given some sugar and water. Gin was now busy distracting the woman so her brother could score a boyfriend- Erm, become better partners with the weretiger.
It was around that time, nearly half an hour late, that Dazai arrived, decked out in the same white suit and coat Shibusawa had oh so generously and supposedly not at all creepily made for him during the now long since dubbed Dead Apple incident. Properly dry cleaned and mended, complete with a part of his bangs tucked behind his ear, Dazai effortlessly drew attention to himself even when he didn't actually try to make a loud entrance. Those who've never actually seen him all dressed up couldn't help but have their jaws drop to the floor. Mori made an excellent impression of a dying seagull upon seeing his oh so precious protege in all white and he looked like he suddenly needed a really strong drink. Fitzgerald let out an impressed whistle while Fukuzawa arched an eyebrow, having heard of the outfit but never having seen it at all, let alone when worn. Kouyou couldn't help but smirk, though even she felt weird seeing Dazai dressed in white.
Chuuya choked and spat out his wine, suddenly looking like he needed a much stronger drink to get through the night as he couldn't take his eyes off of his partner for a second.
Dazai seemed oblivious to the effect he had on everyone - though that was probably a lie, that man never missed anything - as he made his way over to where the organization leaders were. He smiled a polite smile that spelled out 'business' as he said his greetings, though it turned a lot more genuine when talking to the redheads, which Fukuzawa made a silent note about. Mori was still too busy looking for a new drink to even try extending his usual offer to Dazai to come back into the fold, which was saying something.
"Ane-san, as deathly lovely as always, I see. Slug," he greeted, the dichotomy enough to throw Fukuzawa and Fitzgerald off but Kouyou and Chuuya seemed used to it. Though Chuuya was still having a staring problem. "I should've bet Ranpo-san on how long it would take you to escape Poe-san's book. I could have made some good money. Or a favor," he said with a hum and that finally got Chuuya back to functioning order.
He snorted, lifting his chin up challengingly. "Surprised, mackerel?"
"Not in the slightest. I know Chibi the best, after all. Your stamina, pace, moves, thrusts, strengths and weaknesses. If it's a non-Ability environment, then even the special ops of the Military Police wouldn't be able to hold up against you for long," Dazai replied, sounding incredulous at the idea that someone might have thought otherwise to begin with. Chuuya seemed surprised by so much praise and was ready to preen from it, but Dazai wasn't done speaking quite yet. "Still, to be tricked into such a situation in the first place ... Chuuya really is a too easily provoked dog."
"Why you-!"
"Some things never change," Kouyou commented with a sigh, to which her non-Mafia companions could only blink in shock as they got first row seats to the usual Soukoku bicker-fest.
Which was unexpectedly cut short when Hirotsu cleared his throat, gaining the two young men's attention. Dazai veritably beamed at the elderly gentleman while Chuuya just let go of him, figuring he wasn't acting maturely enough in accordance to his position. "Hirotsu-san! My, you do look rather dashing tonight! It's great to see you again. Did you beat my high score yet? Did the pointers I gave you last time help?"
"Dazai-san," the man greets politely and with that certain fondness he seems to hold mostly for Dazai even after all these years despite the other turning traitor, but it was a bit tense and uneasy at the moment, making both parts of Soukoku, as well as their other companions that knew the man, frown in confusion. "Pardon my terseness, but I simply could not let this atrocity go on."
"Atrocity? What might you be talking about, old sport?" The American among them asked, not really understanding what's going on.
To be fair, neither did the mafioso or Dazai, which was new.
"It is disturbing to see Dazai-san in white. Please cease at once," replied the monocle-wearing man with absolute certainty.
Fukuzawa's jaw actually dropped at that.
Mori and Fitzgerald could only blink in shock, not having expected such a response.
Mori, though, looked pleased, as though someone justifying his earlier shenanigans makes it okay to act so disgracefully just from seeing someone dressed in certain clothes.
Chuuya would like to disagree, let it be noted. He'd never tell the younger man to his face, but he rather liked Dazai all dressed up in white. Though he should probably take some time away from wine to contemplate why such thoughts were accompanied with church bells ringing and what might as well be imaginary angels singing, for his own sake and the sake of his poor, constipated feelings that he beats down with more viciousness than he does his enemies or those who dare go after his partner, like that dragon from a few months ago.
(Yeah, in case anyone's wondering, the Nile isn't just a river in Egypt.)
Dazai cocked his head at one of the few individuals in the world that he genuinely respects, perplexed by the sudden attitude towards his clothing. "Well, it's not exactly like I have a change of clothes on me, not for an occasion like this, at least." Which isn't exactly true, as he has another suit, but he wore it recently for another party and it goes against Dazai's principles to wear the same suit to two different parties one right after the other. He's not a savage.
"I do believe I have that covered, if you would please follow me?"
The ginger had to look up at his partner at that, a slight suspicion creeping in. "Oi, is this some sort of ploy of yours?"
But Dazai looked as stumped as Chuuya felt, which was rare. He could only shrug to the Executive before indeed following Hirotsu out of the ballroom chosen for the event.
Fukuzawa narrowed his eyes at Mori dangerously, hand reaching for where Light Snow kept his katana hidden. The Mafia knew it was there, no doubt, but no one had stopped either him or Kunikida bringing their weapons of choice in so if he ends up cutting their Boss down tonight, it was no one else's fault but their own. "If this is some ploy to hurt ot kidnap Dazai-"
"Let me stop you right there, Fukuzawa-dono," interrupted the former doctor. "One, I have no intention of hurting my right hand man-"
"Former!" Chirped Ranpo from where he was now chilling with Poe and Yosano by the buffet tables.
Mori rolled his eyes at the man-child and continued as though the detective hadn't said anything at all. "-one whom I hope to lure back to where he belongs soon enough. Why would I hurt Dazai-kun when I want him back, bringing new glory to the Port Mafia? Two, not only would Dazai-kun be able to predict or figure out a kidnapping plot, even if we were to manage it, Dazai-kun could easily escape and I'd rather not have him annoyed and running around my headquarters with potentially dangerous objects accumulating on his body until he decides he's messed with the Mafia enough and just leaves of his own accord. And three, I have no idea what Hirotsu-san is planning, given I hadn't even realized he and Dazai-kun were keeping in contact again until this very moment. So calm yourself, Fukuzawa-dono. If any of your employees is safe in this building, it's Dazai-kun."
Especially with Chuuya around, given how protective the man had grown of his partner since the Dead Apple incident where he got stabbed, poisoned and fairly abducted by a singularity that only Chuuya could defeat and save him from almost certain death.
C'est la vie for Soukoku.
Fukuzawa still didn't seem convinced but didn't remove Mori's supposedly comforting hand on his shoulder via katana so all was good for now.
00000
Outside of the ballroom, Dazai found himself in the rather silly and uncomfortable situation where he had to reassure Hirotsu that he didn't need to apologize so much for dissing Dazai's outfit. Dazai didn't even really care. He hadn't exactly chosen the clothing himself, though he can't deny that they were kind of beautiful, though he loathes to say it because it meant Shibusawa did even one good thing in his miserable existence.
"Really, Hirotsu-san, it's fine, no need to fuss so much. Now, let's see this change of clothes you mentioned, ne~?"
"Of course, Dazai-san," the man said with a bow before snapping his fingers. Dazai blinked as one of his own men from when he was part of the Mafia scurried over, reverently holding onto a box from a tailor shop Dazai was all too familiar with. After all, it's where he used to get his suits from back then all the time. They made custom works and they're probably the only people in the world besides maybe Mori himself that had Dazai's exact body measurements from age fourteen to eighteen. They were probably the best shop in Yokohama and thus the Mafia had made sure to monopolize their business as well as offer them absolute protection.
The old woman who used to take his measurements also thought a 'nice young man like him' needs to put on some weight and had often made steamed buns filled with crab and vegetables when Dazai made an appointment. Her husband, the tailor, had been a bit wary of Dazai at first, probably unsettled about his bandages, but then he got used to him and became fond of him, too. He took the bandages as a challenge, too, finding new and interesting ways to incorporate them into his suit designs so that they never look out of place.
The couple were, in an indirect and probably not completely aware way, one of the reasons why the Demon Prodigy cut such a dangerous, deadly figure and was so intimidating for his enemies.
Dazai hadn't paid any patronage to their shop in quite a long time. Almost four years now. The waistcoat he wears to the Agency every day was the last item of clothing he bought from the store.
Well, that and the bolo tie with its blue pendant from their daughter's store. She was as talented as her parents and Dazai had needed a very specific shade of blue, after all.
He wondered idly if they even know he's still alive. They must, if Hirotsu made a purchase at their store. They knew Hirotsu used to accompany Dazai pretty much everywhere, sometimes. He'd even been there with Dazai while he was trying on the final product, once upon a time.
The real question here would be how Hirotsu knew his current measurements. After all, he had grown taller, but he might have also lost some weight, too, which would no doubt concern the old couple if they knew. Dazai will have to make sure to pay them a visit and assure them that he's still as healthy as someone unenthusiastic about life can ever be.
'Hmm. The Mafia managed to get the basic information on the Agency's members, including height and weight. It could be that they guessed based on that ... Or someone rummaged through my drawers, but I'll give Hirotsu-san the benefit of the doubt.'
Besides, it's not like information like this could cause him trouble. Unless they buy all the boxers in his exact size so he can't change his underwear.
Now, he wouldn't put that past Fyodor, but it seemed a bit too petty for the Mafia to resort to.
With those thoughts settled, he took the box, opened it and looked inside. Suddenly, it felt like he was brought back in time and he was sixteen to eighteen again, the era when he wore a full three piece suit instead of just the slacks, dress shirt and tie under the coat Mori gave him. And he can't deny he missed this assembly. Dazai knew that one of the reasons black suited him so well was because he liked it. That shop owner wasn't wrong when he argued about black's mysterious and complicated qualities and he hadn't been wrong when he said Dazai looked like he was born to wear black. Made for it. His blood was mafia black and he'd never deny it. He isn't in the habit of lying to himself.
"We, of course, made sure to have something like this prepared, too," Hirotsu added, drawing Dazai's attention away from the fine clothes he'd at some point started caressing with a finger. He looked up to see that two more grunts had come out of some hiding spot, one carrying a white dress shirt, expensive cufflinks and a black tie, while the other had a much bigger box, already opened for Dazai to gaze down at the expensive black, heavy material within. Dazai recognized the design immediately and if he hadn't watched the coat burn with the remains of Chuuya's car himself that night, four years ago, he'd almost think it's the same article.
A whole new wave of nostalgia washed over him. Despite that coat reminding him of the one Mori gave him and associating him with a lot of bad things that happened in his past, the coat also reminded him of the good things, too. Meeting Ane-san, Hirotsu, Chuuya, Q, the Akutagawas, Oda and Ango ... He'd had that old coat through it all but when he left it all behind, he burned the coat.
Yet here was the exact replica of it staring him in the face, no doubt made in his favorite shop where they must have memorized it from how often they'd get offended on his half that someone damaged it and thus they mended it for free.
He really needs to go see that sweet old couple. And bring them flowers and a fruit basket.
"Also," Hirotus said, bringing Dazai out of his riviera. He looked up at the old man to see him holding out something towards Dazai, too. "If you're feeling particularly mischievous tonight, Dazai-san," he said as he presented Dazai with a roll of silky soft bandages Dazai used to use for covering his eye up until four years ago. There was a hint of mischief in Hirotu's own eyes and the subordinates with him looked a bit eager, too.
Dazai's mischievousness seems to have rubbed off on them back then and it reignited with the first opportunity they got to cause chaos.
Dazai had almost forgotten why he liked his handpicked little army so much.
He laughed, delighted, and took the offered items.
The party was fun and all but not his style.
Time for some drama.
00000
Inside, the party had continued as normal as a party can be with three more or less legal organizations in the same room, until there was a sudden change in music.
"Why do I hear boss music?" Tachihara was the first to ask, having finally recovered from his earlier blood loss.
"Oh, I thought it was just me," Atsushi, who was nearby, sighed in relief that he wasn't going crazy.
Ranpo suddenly moved away from the buffet table, dragging Yosano and Poe with him. "Come on, I want to have front row seats for this!"
Suddenly, the doors burst open with a flash of gentle purple light, startling anyone who might have ignored the change in music. Jumping in startlement, everyone whirled around towards the doors. Hidden security rushed out of their hiding places and aimed their guns towards the perceived intruders, only to freeze in place. Then they all dropped into a deep bow at the waist, confusing the party goers as to what was going on.
Then, Mori was the first one to see him.
In his still addled state after seeing Fukuzawa being so handsome in his suit and all the alcohol he'd been consuming to deal with both that and seeing Dazai dressed in all white earlier, his inhibitions were lowered.
He shrieked.
A downright chilling laugh countered that as Mori zoomed to hide behind Fukuzawa, who was disgruntled to be used as a body shield and a bit disgusted by such behavior he did not understand.
The mafiosos, on the other hand, very much did.
Chuuya choked on his wine again when he caught sight of his (former?) partner in all his former all black glory striding into the ballroom like he owned the place. The long black coat billowed behind him like a cape draped over his shoulders. The black clothing made the white bandages stand out, but not as in sticking out like a sore thumb but rather as though they were the only proper accessories to go with the outfit.
Especially the ones covering Dazai's right eye, bringing back pleasant and unpleasant memories of the Demon Prodigy once again being in their midst.
"Oh, my. I forgot how good black actually looks on the lad," Kouyou commented as Dazai and his little entourage of Hirotsu and his gunmen made their way over towards the Executives, President and the hiding Boss. Elise and Q, seeing a new source of chaos, joined in, Q even taking Dazai's hand like they used to when they were younger and Dazai was around all the time to keep them in check. Elise, on the other hand, was having way too much fun watching her 'master' having a mental breakdown at having his greatest wish and his greatest nightmare manifest in front of him so unexpectedly.
"No kidding!" Yosano said with a whistle. "Dazai, why the hell don't you wear darker clothes more often? Damn, but this suits you way better than even that gorgeous white suit!"
"Because you all insisted I should wear the white suit and I didn't mind either way," Dazai replied casually, smirking at Mori's drunken reaction, as well as how every other Port Mafia member was treating him right now. The Akutagawas even made Kajji and Tachihara copy their bow so only their resident red haired Executives weren't bowing to the former youngest Executive in Port Mafia history. "So, any thoughts? This is how I used to look on the daily back in the day. Hirotsu-san was kind and mischievous enough to recreate it," he said with a chuckle, fondly caressing the new coat.
Unlike the old one, which had been bought by an underground doctor so it wasn't the best quality out there, though still better than most could afford, this one was made of the softest Merino wool that only a true mafioso with plenty of spare change could buy. The fabric was so soft under his fingertips that Dazai was tempted to just burrow into the coat and sleep in it for the rest of his life.
"If this is what you looked like every day, no wonder Mr Fancy Hat is gay," Ranpo commented, causing Chuuya to choke on his wine yet again.
Dazai had to blink in shock at that. "Eh? But Chibi's not gay?"
"Lad, you are gay," Kouyou told him bluntly.
"I am?"
"Or did drunken Chuuya make it up that you confessed loving him when you were fifteen? Or that you kept his head in your lap at least twice, both times after dealing with Shibusawa? Or how about you're fine with any woman but it's still Chuuya's hand you held or Chuuya who you always notice in a crowd?"
"... holy shit, I'm gay for a chibi hatrack!"
"You didn't know until now?" An incredulous Mori dares to ask while still hiding behind Fukuzawa.
Dazai immediately whirls on him, predatory instincts flaring up and immediately going for the kill. "Like you have room to talk, Mr I-pretend-to-be-a-lolicon-pervert-so-my-long-time-crush-former-rival-won't-suspect-I-have-the-gays-for-him!"
Mori shrieked again and Fukuzawa whirled around to regard the other with wide eyes. Ranpo and Yosano immediately went "EWWWWW!" and fake retched while Elise was downright cackling.
"Wait, what?" A wide-eyed Kouyou asked, her perfect composure slipping in the face of such a revelation.
"Dazai-kun, how could you!? I told you that in confidence!"
"That's for Odasaku, you wannabe dick Dracula!"
Elise was now on the floor and half the room was either choking on repressed laughter or downright traumatized. Poor Poe even looked on the verge of fainting. Kyouka and Kenji looked confused as to why Shin Soukoku was covering their ears, though. Q found themself in the same situation with Hirotsu, who looked both amused and horrified by the mischief he had helped start. Fitzgerald simply walked over to Ranpo and took the sweets the detective had abandoned in favor of actually looking a little sick at the prospect of someone like Mori being interested in his father figure.
"Is this a normal Yokohama thing?" Lucy asked the Tanizaki siblings, only to edge away from them when she realized Naomi was still busy molesting her brother despite the prime drama happening only a few feet away. Instead she turned her question to Atsushi and Akutagawa, the latter of whom completely ignored her. Atsushi could only shrug at the redhead, who humphed at the lack of proper response.
"I think this is just a normal Soukoku thing, no matter the generation," Gin supplied as she came to eye her brother and the weretiger. The implication seemed to fly right over their heads, the gays in denial that they were. She sighed and looked back over to the spectacle going on, which had now turned into Mori vehemently denying any interest or feelings towards Fukuzawa while simultaneously downing glass after glass of scotch and the other leader nodding and looking down at him skeptically but with an amused and almost fond(?) expression on his face. "But you must admit, though, that Dazai-san really does look great in black. I wonder if he'll wear that coat from now on?"
"Great question, Gin-chan~!" The man in question, always freakishly aware of his surroundings, chimed in reply as he turned to look at her. "I'd absolutely love to, but it's so soft I don't think I could live with it if it got damaged while I'm out on the job. This thing is stupid expensive, even for Mafia standards."
"Please wear it, Dazai-san," Hirotsu finally spoke up after all the chaos he'd caused. "We'll be upset that you don't, especially the tailors. It was their gift, after all."
"... Gift?" Dazai gave Hirotsu a dumbfounded look. "Hirotsu-san, this is at least 70% Merino wool for it to be this stupid soft and the other 30% is cashmere. What do you mean it's a gift?" When the man just shrugged, Dazai looked on the verge of maybe actually fainting from shock, a first for the brunet. "Hirotsu-san!"
"I provided the materials but they refused the tailoring fee. Instead, they said it was my job to ensure that you come to visit. They wanted to see with their own eyes that you've indeed gained weight based on the measurements they got for the clothing." Hirotsu then just shrugged like he hadn't dropped a bombshell on his former superior.
"While we're on that topic," Dazai, feeling somewhat hysterical to learn that the old couple cared for him that much and mentally updating that he needed to get them more than flowers and a fruit basket. He'll get them the finest chocolate, wine and scotch and a good deal on the market for materials and jewels for their daughter. He'll also cover their Mafia protection for the rest of the year at least, if he doesn't outright blackmail Mori into making him drop it and protect that little shop for free. "How and why did you even have the measurements to give them for the tailored suit?"
"Actually, I gave them the measurements a few months back," Chuuya, now beyond tipsy so he can deal with his 'repressed' gayness for Dazai, replied with a slur to his words. "I think they called me one time I was out drinking after the Dead Apple bullshit?"
"Yes, that is right," the monocle-wearing man confirmed. "If I may, Chuuya-san really put them through a lot of trouble, considering the measurements he gave was comparing Dazai-san to wine bottles, hat rims and knife lengths."
Now everyone turned to the gravity manipulator with a very clear 'What the fuck?' expression on their faces.
Chuuya bristled at the look on Dazai's face. "Oi, it's not my fault that your fucking thighs at one point practically fit in my hand! You need to take better care of yourself, bastard! I thought you said starvation and dehydration are some of the worst ways to go."
"Why were Chuuya-san's hands on that guy's thighs to begin with?" Tachihara asked the closest person to him, which happened to be a Kunikida who was contemplating jumping out the nearest window in a scary mimicry of his work partner. Too bad they were on the ground floor and all that would do was get him cut up with shattered glass, if he even managed to get through the bulletproof windows, and then he'd just be at Yosano's mercy.
"If it's all the same to you, I'd really rather not know."
"That's not the point, slug!" Dazai replied, throwing his hands up in the air. "You need to get your alcohol intake under control! You know it's practically like poison to you, so you need to moderate it and not know the exact width of different wine bottles instead! And drop the hat obsession, too! I get Rimbaud's hat, but why do you have a collection when you literally wear no other hat than that one?"
"Oi, I just like hats! And I don't drink nearly as much these days as I used to!"
"Yeah, because usually I either send Hirotsu-san to fetch you or come and wrench the wine out of your hands myself!"
"Exactly, as you're supposed to!"
As Soukoku continued bickering, people finally stopped paying attention to them since no more immediate drama was going on. The Armed Detective Agency's members were a bit uneasy about it, especially since their President was now engaged in a really tense and weird conversation with the Port Mafia Boss, but Akutagawa just shrugged as he finally let go of Kenji's ears. "This is normal. Well, not whatever's happening between the Boss and your President, I have no idea what that is, but this is normal for Dazai-san and Chuuya-san. It'd actually be more concerning if they didn't act like this."
"There's no way that's considered normal behavior," whispered Atsushi to himself.
"Shut the fuck up, Jinko."
"Hey, don't talk to your boyfriend like that, brother."
"Gin, what the fuck?!"
"Eww, no!"
"Atsushi is not Akutagawa-san's boyfriend ... yet."
"Kyouka-chan!"
"You need to stop being so obvious in your staring."
"Yeah, I noticed that, too!"
"N-not helping, Kenji ... "
"If the Jinko is my supposed boyfriend-"
"Oh, please! You two act like a more volatile Chuuya-san and Dazai-san - which, mind you, we all thought was impossible up until you two met - and those two just confirmed that they're in love with each other!"
"-then what the hell are you and that useless ginger?"
"Hey, only I get to insinuate that Tachihara is useless!"
"Hey!" Complained Tachichara, though he's somewhat touched Gin would even attempt to halfheartedly defend him.
"Shut up," both Akutagawas said with the deadliness one could acquire only by being partially raised by one Dazai Osamu as the two orphans once were. Then they turned back to their sibling bickering, which confused Atsushi so much since he'd never seen Akutagawa act like a normal person before. Still, he found his care for his sister cute. Not that he'd ever admit it. Besides, he needs to work on not staring at Akutagawa, apparently, but can you blame him? It was incredibly refreshing to see the man out of the usual outfit he wore, even if the coat containing Rashoumon was still around his shoulders, where it belonged.
"Atsushi, you should calm your boyfriend and sister in law."
"Hey, little girl, don't go deciding this glutton's relationships all on your own!" Protested a slightly fuming Lucy, only to have the attention of the two Akutagawas and the elder's former apprentice trained on her.
"As if anyone else could take our place."
"What my brother said."
"Akutagawa-san makes Atsushi feel better about himself by forcing him to learn to respect himself an value his life, so I must insist that they're the best match for each other, especially since Atsushi seems to be forcing Akutagwa-san to focus on more than killing."
"I'm only not killing to get Dazai-san's approval and so I can kill the Jinko."
"How's Egypt?" Yosano, who overheard the conversation, asked with a grin.
Akutagawa glared at her.
"You guys are doing great!" Dazai, who also overheard the discussion, took the time out of his bickerfest with Chuuya to beam at his proteges and their younger sister(figure)s that he had more or less taken in as his own. Ryunosuke and Atsushi blushed to the roots of their hair while Kyouka and Gin just beamed shyly and cutely at the brunet, giving him a thumbs up to show they supported his agenda to get their big brother(figure)s together.
Chuuya, too drunk to even think straight - if he ever even could, that is - took offense at the lack of attention he was getting from his partner and grabbed Dazai by his black tie, dragging the startled taller man down to his level so he could mash their lips together. Immediately, the entire ballroom was drowned out by wolf-whistles and betting money being exchanged - for once, Ranpo was not the winner of the bets, but someone simply noted down as 'Sensei'? - as a wide-eyed Dazai stared down at the redhead for a moment, before absolutely melting into the kiss, throwing his arms around the Executive and bringing him in closer. They only pulled apart when they heard the shutters of cameras, glaring death and Soukoku-levels of violence at anyone even attempting to gather blackmail material.
(Kouyou and Hirotsu were allowed to keep the photos they took; Kouyou might use them for blackmail to get them to behave like normal, civilized human beings when they get rowdy, but Hirotsu was probably one of the biggest supporters of Soukoku becoming a romantic partnership out of everyone else barring possibly Elise, who had at some point discovered yaoi but didn't want to have her fangirl fantasies play out in the form of Mori 'getting some' since she wants him humiliatingly miserable first and foremost.)
When they were sure they would be left more or less alone, Soukoku exchanged a few more kisses before simply holding each other, foreheads resting together and sharing each breath.
"Fuck, I can't decide whether you look better in white or black," cursed Chuuya, still too drunk to control what was coming out of his mouth, not like Dazai was complaining. "I mean, I've seen ya in black for fucking years and yet it never quite registered? Or it did but it was just normal? But to see you back in black suits again ... Damn. Fuck. That has to be illegal."
"Maybe. I'm sure that plenty of people would have a heart attack if they saw me right now," he agreed with a mischievous grin.
That seemed to bring something else to Chuuya's attention. He lifted a gloved hand to the bandaged side of Dazai's face. "I may like you back in the suits, but I like seeing both of your eyes even more. They're pretty, ya know?" With that, he tugged the bandages free and Dazai felt a sense of deja vu as the world came back into focus for both of his eyes, once again to the sight of a redhead very dear to him.
He smiled at his partner and brought their noses together for an Eskimo kiss before going back to how they were before. He even started swaying them nonsensically to the music once again calmly playing in the background, ignoring everyone else around them and the fact that they were both taught to dance at least five different ballroom dances. "Yeah, I like Chuuya's eyes, too. I like Chuuya's hair even more, so he shouldn't wear his tacky hats as often since they hide it."
"Fuck off." Despite his words, Chuuya tellingly tightened his grip on Dazai.
Everyone just left them be and let them enjoy this moment-
Until ...
BOOM!
"I'm going to kill you Kajii!"
"Muwahahahahaha!"
"Shachou, Fitzgerald stole the last chocolate muffin from the buffet!"
"JINKO!"
"AKUTAGAWA!"
"Let's all play in Anne's chamber and see who's able to survive!"
"Fukuzawa-dono, what do you think you're doing? F-Fukuzawa-dono? Fukuzawa-dono!? Elise-chan, help~!"
"Now, now, Mori-sensei, you brought this on yourself."
"No, waimmmph!"
"Onii-san, let's play~!"
"N-Naomi, did you spike the punch? Naomi, wait- Ah~!"
"I'd like more crepes, please."
"Here you go, Kyouka-chan. You just eat up, so adorable."
"I like cows and I like to eat cows!"
"What the fuck, kid?"
"Tachihara, you dolt, don't curse in front of a sweet innocent child!"
"Now, now, Gin-"
"Akutagawa-senpai, I'll help you defeat that weretiger!"
"Fukuzawa, get your rabid fucking mutt of a doctor off of me!"
"What did you just call me!? And after stealing Ranpo's sweets? Oh, not even god can help you now!"
"... Did anyone see my partner's book? It's this useful little red thing about suicide. I think I need it for some notes on how to end my misery. I've never thought suicide would become my ideal."
"P-Poe, what should we do?"
"Karl, I'm scared ... "
"There, there. Everything will be alright, Louise-san ... Eventually ... Maybe ... Fuck, I need a smoke."
Dazai and Chuuya seperated with a groan, their moment ruined. "Fuck this shit, fuck my life, fuck the Mafia, the Guild, the Agency, fuck Yokohama, fuck Dostoevsky, fuck-"
"So," Elise's oh so innocent voice interrupted Chuuya's litany of curses against anything and everything ruining the moment he finally got together with his teenage crush while Dazai was brought back from his plans of making everyone suffer in the worst way imaginable without breaking his promise to Odasaku. They both turned to look at the 'innocent' blonde staring up at them with Q more or less hiding behind her, just watching. "Who's gonna tell Verlaine that his little brother is finally about to get some?"
...
Oh shit! Was the collective thought of literally everyone present.
Dazai groaned as he realized his new black coat might just get ruined.
Chuuya swore he'll level Yokohama to the ground one of these days.
All in all, the party was chaotic.
Just more so than expected.
OWARI