Chapter 10: I'm Fine

Chapter Text

"Regulus, it's been a while," Barty said as Regulus joined him and Evan in the library. He took his books out from his bag along with his parchment. There was a lot of homework this year, and he wanted to get a head start.

Instead of studying with Dirk and the Hufflepuffs or the Ravenclaws in his year, who were all seated in groups across the expanse of the library, Regulus chose to sit with the Slytherins.

"It has, how have you been?" Regulus asked politely. His well-crafted mask had improved during the summer, and his expression was neutral as he started to write an essay on offensive spells.

"Fine." Barty licked his lips. "Surprised you're not in Slytherin, mind."

Regulus nodded. "I was surprised too," he lied. 'Get in with the Slytherins. Make them believe you would have been in Slytherin, make them believe you're still a Black.'

"At least it wasn't Gryffindor," Barty replied.

"You have no idea," Regulus muttered, and he was slightly surprised when Evan spoke.

"So you would rather be in Slytherin?" he asked and Regulus nodded.

"Oh, yes. The Hat was close to putting me there, too. But he told me Ravenclaw was the better fit, and I couldn't really argue," he said and hoped they would believe him.

"You're still my friend, Regulus," Barty replied, reassuring Regulus that his plan was working. "Besides, we always need someone smart to be friends with, don't we, Evan?"

"Yeah, we could be a trio," Evan suggested with excitement in his eyes. "We'd be powerful. A Rosier, a Crouch and a Black, side by side!"

Regulus blinked a few times, nodding in agreement. It wouldn't be so bad; there were worse people to make friends with. Sirius wouldn't be happy… but his grandfather would be.

"I like the sound of that," Regulus said and Evan and Barty grinned at him.

He didn't realise just what he had changed. From that moment on… the plan was set.

"Want to join us at lunch time?" Evan asked him, and Regulus hesitated. He always met James for lunch. He had planned to continue to do that despite what his Grandfather wished. But… Regulus realised that for their plan to succeed… he'd have to make sacrifices.

And he wasn't ready.

Would he ever be ready?

Regulus sighed internally, knowing exactly how he should answer. And unfortunately, it wasn't 'no'. "Yeah, that'd be great."

Sorry, Jamie.

They studied for another half hour, chatting about classes and people in their year, until the time came for them to go to class together. Regulus was actually looking forward to Charms.

As they walked through the corridors, with Regulus in the middle, Evan on his left and Barty on his right, he felt eyes on them. Regulus held his head high and walked like a Black should. Confident, like he owned the place. It was a change from last year. A big change. And he wasn't sure he liked it.

He walked into Charms and sat down; only when he was away from Evan and Barty, would he finally relax. Only, it didn't feel like he was relaxed, as he still had to keep up the façade.

"Today we are learning the Disarming Charm," Professor Flitwick announced, and Regulus focused on him with interest.

"You'll be placed into pairs, your task will be to disarm your partner. There's a technique to it, one that requires practice. I won't expect you to get it right, straight away," Professor Flitwick explained and Regulus nodded. Charms was one of his best subjects, second to Potions, and he always liked the atmosphere. He wrote down his notes, and was surprised to be partnered with Evan Rosier for this activity.

"You ready, Regulus?" Evan asked with a grin, and Regulus nodded. Oh, he was so going to beat Evan at learning the spell. He wouldn't let Evan distract him with his cheeky grin.

"Partner one, begin!" Professor Flitwick said, and Regulus focused on his wand, and his movement.

"Expelliarmus!" Regulus spoke, but nothing happened. He frowned. Why didn't it work? Did he do it wrong? He looked around and nobody else had done it either, so he was glad he wasn't alone in his failure.

"Partner two!"

Evan smirked at him. "Good try, I did feel something!" he said patronisingly. Regulus mock-glared at him.

"Yeah, yeah."

"Expelliarmus!"

Nothing happened. Regulus grinned at Evan, who looked very put out. "Don't worry, I didn't feel anything," he said and Evan glared at him.

Oops. Not one for sarcastic comments?

It went on like that for the rest of the lesson. And eventually…

"Expelliarmus!" Regulus said forcefully, and Evan's wand fell out of his hand. Evan looked shocked, and Regulus grinned. He did it!

Professor Flitwick clapped. "Oh! Oh, well done, Mr Black, ten points to Ravenclaw!"

He couldn't wait to tell his brother and James! His grin vanished when he realised he couldn't. He couldn't tell them of his success, he couldn't meet with them. And it wasn't fair.

"Hey, Regulus, are you alright?" Evan asked him quietly. Regulus didn't realise it was obvious when he was upset as he hadn't put his mask back up.

He shook his head. "I'm not, but I will be." He ran a hand through his hair, sighing. Evan nodded at him, and Regulus could have sworn he saw concern in his eyes.

"Well, I'm here if you need to talk," Evan said.

"Thank you," Regulus replied. It was nice knowing that someone else was there for him.

OoO

James waited by his and Regulus's spot, sitting on the grass looking out across the lake. Regulus had become such a big part of his life, and he was starting to figure out why that was. When he had kissed him on the forehead on the train, it was something he hadn't meant to do. But he didn't regret it.

Time passed by, and James frowned with worry. Regulus hadn't turned up on time, and he was always on time. Ten minutes turned into twenty, and twenty minutes turned into thirty.

What had happened? Why hadn't Regulus shown up?

James met with his friends in their usual hang out spot, distracted. Was Regulus okay? He didn't think not seeing Regulus would affect him so much or his mood, for that matter. He ran a hand through his hair, trying not to show his disappointment.

"You alright, James?" Remus asked and James shrugged.

"I'm… I'm fine."

He wasn't fine. But he didn't want to tell his friends the reason why.

James was falling for Regulus. His best friend's brother.

He pinched the brim of his nose frustratedly, squeezing his eyes shut.

Why him?

OoO

Regulus laughed at something Evan said, but it wasn't his true laugh. It wasn't one that he saved solely for James. James. He was feeling pretty bad about not meeting him.

So bad that he had knots in his stomach every time he thought about it. He chewed his nails nervously and thought back to the moment he had had with James on the train.

The warmth when James kissed him on the forehead, it was a feeling he couldn't begin to describe. But he was truly happy at that moment.

He hoped James would forgive him for not showing up, because he wouldn't know what he would do if he didn't.

I should have had the courage to say no to Grandfather.

"Regulus, you spaced out again," Barty said with concern and Regulus pulled himself together.

He had to go through with the plan. It was only just beginning; he couldn't change it now. He had to go through with it.

One step at a time.

"Sorry," he said, "You were saying?"

"What's up with you? You've been acting strange since the start of lunch," Evan questioned, and Regulus shook his head, using his perfectly crafted mask to put a smile on his face. Even when he didn't feel like smiling at all.

"Nothing, I'm fine."

He had to be fine.