The Friday after finals, Harv had been dragged out by his friends to celebrate. Trevor was the most insistent, sighting Harv's dour mood over the last year as a symptom of stress. Which, while a correct observation, would not magically be cured by a few pints and good company. Still, it was hard to tell his friends no, especially when all of them had been working so hard to make it through the combat exam. Unfortunately, they weren't the only group looking to let loose and found most of the usual bars were too crowded for a group of their size.

They had almost given up hope, when on the way back, Harv recognized the name on a battered sign. Finn had complained to him about getting dragged by his fellow performers to the small tavern back in third year. Harv suggested the group try their luck there before heading home. The place had been blissfully empty, allowing the class to take up multiple tables for arm wrestling and card games while others in the group grabbed the first round. Trevor and Cliff had come up to the table ladened with mead, the later flushed and still gasping for air.

"You're not going to believe this." Trevor said as he set down the mugs. Word spread like wildfire amongst the warriors that the tavern they found themselves in was more notably a watering hole for men seeking each other's company.

"I thought people were being pretty friendly." Bruiser sighed after turning down someone for a dance. "If only I could be this popular with girls." The group laughed, finding it easy to turn a blind eye to the regular patrons and go about their night as originally planned. Shad had been more than happy to answer their invasive questions in exchange for a drink or two, but the whole thing left Harv squirming uncomfortably in his seat. His friends treated the whole thing like a spectacle to behold, rather than something of genuine interest. They didn't deal with the temptation to openly stare or the dull hope of catching someone's attention that shouldn't be interested.

"I didn't know places like this existed." Cliff said.

"Well, we asked Finn if we should invite you guys, but he said you wouldn't be interested. You know him." Shad shrugged. "He gets these paranoid ideas in his head, and then won't let them go."

"Finn comes here?" Harv asked. The bard flinched, having accidentally said a little too much. He offered a sheepish smile as a consolation.

"Sorry, I thought you knew." Shad quickly shifted into damage control mode, swearing the warriors to secrecy, or at the very least a promise they wouldn't tease Finn about it later. Apparently, one of Finn's fears was the warrior class getting a little stabby if Finn was too different from them. Which, while extreme, Harv could sympathize with the fear of ostracization. They weren't nearly as close as they used to be, but enough so that maintaining appearances was a top priority. It was a daily source of anxiety for Harv as well. The other warriors were a different story, but for Finn to fear the same rejection from him...

Finn had never felt the need to hide things from him before. No matter how hypocritical it was to think so, Harv felt hurt that Finn didn't trust him enough to tell him this is what he'd been up to. Especially if it brought the idea of him reciprocating Harv's feelings closer to reality. Not that he ever planned on acting on those feelings. Why risk a perfectly good friendship by rocking the boat with complicated feelings?

At the mention of Finn's name, a regular patron piped into the conversation to warn the boys of Finn's habit of bailing on a fling before things got 'good' despite Shad's desperate signaling to stop talking.

"That's so sweet of you, but they don't need to hear about that." Shad said through gritted teeth. He slipped from his spot at the center of the table to push the older man in another direction.

"I'm just trying to warn them before they get their hopes up." The regular huffed. "You know Finn's stuck on finding his forever guy."

"They aren't 'in the family'." Shad said. "They're Finn's friends from school." The last Harv could overhear was Shad extorting a drink for Finn out of the patron to make up for embarrassing him. With the dating pool as small as it seemed, the regulars all knew each other and all of them had a similar opinion. There was only so close one could get before Finn would get cold feet and shutdown.

Harv wasn't one to drink much, but he quickly found himself lost in the stories people told about each other. He was envious and uncomfortable all at the same time, but it was impossible to tune out any salacious tale when it came up. Halfway through his second pint, he realized the drinks were heavier here than he had anticipated. With growing dread, he hunted for a glass of water amongst the party goers. He preferred not to get drunk, especially in public, but he feared it might be a little too late for that.

"Uh oh." Cliff said as soon as Harv's face hit the table. "Sad Harv." Harv's shoulders shook, and he couldn't stop the flood of tears that followed. It was more embarrassing than cathartic as he bemoaned his future loneliness without a filter. Trevor tried to scoop him up off the table, so he was sitting back in his chair again.

"Man, he was doing so good too." Trevor sighed.

"You guys are such good friends." Harv fought to catch his breath between tears. "I'm sorry I'm ruining things for you."

"You're not ruining things." Trevor handed him a glass of water, which Harv begrudgingly took. Everyone else was having fun falling all over themselves, but Harv couldn't help but feel childish. Especially with how weak his tolerance was tonight. "Why don't we go find Finn, that usually cheers you up."

"Finn's here?" Harv gasped in spite of himself. He heard a few good-natured chuckles from his friends as he tried to figure out how to get out of his chair. "He owes me 'n polo- a pahlol- he's gonna be sorry." Boy was he certain Finn was going to apologize for something, he wasn't sure what for, but he was looking forward to it. At the very least he could spend the rest of the night with Finn wrapped up in his arms. Harv could get away with being more affectionate when he was drunk, because then it was just him being funny, or at least that was how he rationalized it.

He got distracted by Finn dancing on the table at the insistence of his drunk audience, headless of the flatware that still littered the table. There were knives amongst them, it wasn't safe. Harv got one leg up onto the table and grabbed Finn by the legs, burying his face in the other's abdomen.

"Finn, you can't do that. You're too young, too beautiful." He heaved the writhing blond back onto the floor, who giggled and protested the whole way. "Finn, shh, stop smelling like flowers and shh. Just- ugh, listen." He buried his face in Finn's hair and the blond cackled like a hyena. He rocked back and forth with Finn in his arms, trying to tune out the laughter in the room. "Forget them for five minutes." Harv said softly. "You were here the whole time, and you didn't say hi, that wasn't nice." He sighed when Finn couldn't stop giggling. "It's fine if you don't want me, I don't care. I don't." Finn stilled, leaning a little more into that touch. "I just wish we could be alone right now." There were too many people to keep track of; it made his head spin.

"Wait, wait, wait." Finn grabbed him by the wrist. "We gotta go this way." Finn led him to a back hall, where evenly spaced booths were built into the wall. Finn urged him into one of the little nooks before pulling the curtains closed and turning toward him with a mischievous grin. "Now we can hear each other better." Finn sat down next to him, his hand wandering up Harv's arm.

"What are you doing?" Harv asked. Finn wiped away what remained of Harv's tears and gave his cheek a gentle squeeze.

"Just continuing where we left off." Finn tilted his neck and waited for a few seconds before guiding Harv's hand towards his body. Harv stared at his own hand getting placed on Finn's hip wide-eyed, frozen in place as he tried to wrap his brain around the suggestive tone in Finn's voice. Was this, was Finn being sincere? "What, is this your first time or something?" Finn asked when Harv had forgotten he could move. He was captivated by Finn's wry smile as he pulled the lacing of his tunic lose. "It must be my lucky day."

"Don't say things like that." Harv said. It was easy for him to misinterpret those words and touches for flirting. Finn's mouth always ran like a faucet when he'd been drinking, and he could taste the remnants of whatever sugary disaster Finn had downed once Finn captured his lips. There was definitely a tongue in his mouth and hands clawing to find the hem of his tunic. Harv lurched forward and rolled into the warm body beneath him.

"I don't..." The blonde tilted his jaw again, clawing at Harv's shoulders. This time Harv understood what was being asked of him and placed slow, wet kisses down their neck. "I'm not the type to just hook up." He grinded against Harv with more insistence. "But maybe..." Harv bit down a little too hard in his eagerness, the other groaned and pulled him up for another kiss. "... Just this once."

"FINN!" Someone shouted a few paces away. Harv pulled up, the blond beneath him breathless and clinging to his front like his life depended on it. This was Finn. What was he doing? They were still somewhat in public, and yet Finn eagerly nibbled on his collarbone and mewled. "Finn, it's time to go!" Finn reluctantly pulled away and tilted his head towards the curtains.

"I'm kinda busy!" Finn shot back. They heard footsteps of someone approaching the booth. Harv's arms locked up as he watched the sliver of light between the curtains. He could see the shadow of someone reach for the curtains, then changing their mind.

"Well, we're heading out." They said. Finn wrapped his arms around Harv's neck and sighed. "If you need a ride, now's your chance." Finn shook his head no.

"Give me a minute!" Finn said. He waited until the other person had walked away to pick up where he left off. "Well," Finn pressed his leg between Harv's thighs, "do I need a ride?"

"I..." Harv choked trying to keep his voice low. They had already stumbled into dangerous territory, even if Finn was doing his best to appear enticing. He didn't recognize the other person's voice, and the idea of Finn shuffling off this vulnerable in the night scared him a little. "I can give you a ride." He could be a good friend and get him home before anything else happened. The night air would sober them up, and if rumors were true, Finn wouldn't seek much more than this. Finn placed a chaste kiss on his lips.

"One second, let me tell Shad to buzz off." Finn wandered out into the hallway. He stumbled backwards, pulling his tunic back down, but not closed as he stormed in the direction of his other friend.

Once he was alone, Harv breathed a sigh of relief, and shifted off his knees back into a sitting position. That had been too close. It was one thing for his imagination to run away from him in the middle of the night, it was another to actually act on it. All the excuses he'd gathered over the past few years as to why this would never happen laid crushed at his feet. Finn was eager for any kind of attention, which meant it wasn't a lack of interest that kept Harv at the sidelines. Rather, Harv feared the consequences too much to chance proceeding. Maybe, if he was lucky, Finn would just laugh this off in the morning and not press further into why Harv let things progress so far. The curtains pulled open, and Finn leaned against the framework with his best saucy wink.

"Come on, let's go." Harv said. He brushed past Finn, noting most his classmates were still here. If he didn't make it to the door quickly, Trevor or Cliff would try to convince him to ride home with them and come back for the family cart in the morning. He couldn't afford them looking at the state he was in, or that Finn was following him like a duckling to the door.

The night air helped a little, enough that Harv felt comfortable manning the reigns the short distance to Finn's house. He had the sense to turn Finn down when he suggested they go back to his place. There was no way Harv would risk one of his brothers catching sight of them in this state. Sleeping off the drink in the hayloft was a better alternative than any plan Harv could put together, but Finn would pitch a fit about it later.

"Pull over." Finn said. Harv quickly did, half expecting Finn to fold over the side of the cart to hurl in the grass. "Still too close, you gotta pull ahead there." Finn pointed to a path, or what he insisted to be a path, Harv could hardly make out anything in the darkness. He waited impatiently, looking over his shoulder until the cart was far enough off the road.

"You've done this before?" Harv asked. It made sense, of course, given the things he'd over heard people talking about back at the bar. Still, he couldn't help but feel a little bittee. It was yet another part of Finn's life he felt the need to hide from him. He wouldn't have judged Finn, at least, not personally. It was much harder to ignore the status quo when one was sober.

"Kind of." Finn started to crawl back into his lap. "I don't like cart stuff, but we don't have any other options. If only the inn hadn't been so crowded." Finn kissed him hungrily and grinded up against him with urgency. Harv could hear the sound of hooves and wheels come into contact with the hard dirt road a few feet behind him. "Just keep your voice down." Finn nipped at his earlobe. "You can do that for me, can't you baby?" He gently turning Harv's head to face him once more. He hadn't even realized he'd glanced over his shoulder, but now Finn had his full attention.

"Finn, we shouldn't..." Harv had to cover his mouth to silence a groan.

"You'd sound so beautiful, such a shame." Finn sighed. "I have a feeling we could have a lot of fun together if we had more time, but for now we'll just have to pretend." Harv came undone with barely enough time to what was happening. Finn whispered empty praises in his ear, as if Harv hadn't just been along for the ride. The cart was uncomfortable, but Finn tried to snuggle up to Harv as best he could, sighing against Harv's temple in a way he'd only dreamed of before.

"It's not fair." Harv rested his forehead on Finn's shoulder. "I know why you didn't tell me, but it's not fair." He could hold Finn like this forever, and be content the rest of his life, but that just wasn't how the world worked. In the morning, there'd be other people that counted on him, other expectations he had to live up to. There was no reason for them to continue sitting in the forest when the outside world was waiting. "Not yet, I don't want to let you go yet..." He knew himself too well. Tomorrow wasn't going to be pretty, even if crawling into Finn's bed had been a desire he couldn't shake for longer than he'd care to admit.

"We could..." Finn's voice was soft, fragile. "We could go back to my place." He had to know this was a bad idea too. "If we're quiet, we could go through the back." Finn played with the laces of Harv's tunic, quietly admiring the bruises that were starting to form along his chest.

"...okay..." He'd just rest up and slip out in the morning. It'd be easier than trying to sneak into his own bed a drunken mess with the house completely dark.

Harv couldn't understand where Finn found the energy this late at night. The bard laughed at the top of his lungs as soon as they got to his bedroom, as if making it up the stairs had been some great feat. Finn danced around the room, flinging off his clothes and pulling Harv toward the bed, playfully tugging at the hem of Harv's tunic. Harv was exhausted from the drive and the emotional rollercoaster liquor had thrown him down, but Finn peppered his jaw and neck with kisses all the same. Harv's tunic hit the floor followed by an unabashed cheer from Finn. The likes of which, would have made more sense if he hadn't seen Harv topless countless times before.

"What do you want to do?" Finn kissed each knuckle with a playful grin.

"I don't know." Harv had Finn pliant at his fingertips, but his mind was blank. "I've never..."

"Wait... Like, never, never?" Finn pulled back, to take in the full state of Harv's flushed face. "How?"

"Finn, what kind of question is that?" Harv would sooner die of embarrassment than explain to Finn how easy it was to compartmentalize his desires in a nice box to be forgotten. Well, easy in theory, occasionally he'd be reminded of how much other people didn't have to check themselves and that hurt quite a bit.

"No, I mean," Finn's hands started to wander, "how hasn't someone else snatched you up yet? I can't keep my eyes off of you." Why, of all times, had Finn chosen to wield his silver tongue now instead of during the daytime when it'd be more appreciated? Instead, Harv felt like crawling up into a little ball, the flattery annihilating any coherent thought he had a moment ago.

"You don't mean that." Finn poked his nose.

"Yes. I. Do." A wicked grin crossed Finn's face and Harv felt a little more like prey caught in a web. "I'm a little out of practice, but..." He should say no. Whatever followed, he should say no. "I could show you a thing or two if you'd like." Finn's wandering hands and soft kisses were far more persuasive than any morals Harv had been raised on. It just wasn't fair. Why couldn't he have what he wanted without feeling guilty?

The next morning, he woke up to a soft, drawn-out kiss on his temple. His back was killing him and it took a few moments too long to realize where he was. Finn watched him with growing concern, his hand occasionally skittering across the sheets in Harv's direction only to be pulled back.

"What do you remember from last night?" Finn asked. Harv remembered all too much how he'd convinced himself that any of this was okay. Finn had every right to hate him after this. He should have been the responsible one, he should have been looking out for them.

"Finn, I'm so sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry about." Finn watched helplessly from the bed as a new fear shot through Harv. Maybe one day he would have entertained the idea of telling Finn how he felt, but not like this. Not in the aftermath of a bunch of drunken confessions and stolen touches. Finn deserved a proper explanation and Harv could barely calm himself down enough to find his shoes. "I..." Finn began. Harv looked back at Finn, hoping beyond hope that what followed wouldn't be a request to talk about what had happened. It was still too fresh, he needed time to think. "I kinda blacked out last night..."

It wasn't fair.

Finn had said such sweet things to him last night, and there was no telling how much he'd remember. Though, perhaps that was for the best. Harv wouldn't wish the embarrassment he was drowning in on anyone.

"I was just going to take you home. I didn't mean to stay the night." He saw Finn's face fall, a look that twisted a knife into the last bit of Harv's hope had been hidden. Had Finn wanted there to be more, even now? "I'm sorry." He collected the rest of his things slowly. He wished he had more to say, but he couldn't think straight with Finn looking at him like that. Even now, he wasn't sure if he wanted to address it or let the whole thing blow over as a mistake that should never have happened. Finn assured him no one would say anything, especially his bandmates. It seemed bards had their own code of conduct that valued personal privacy, even if they invaded everyone else's.

Harv slipped out the back and into his cart in a cloud of shame. If he could go even half the day without talking to someone, maybe he could figure out what to do next. He couldn't count on Finn remaining silent about the issue forever. At some point, sooner rather than later, he'd have to tell Finn why he'd been so quick to chase after him.