CHAPTER 8

Classes got perpetually harder as the fall term came near to a close. She still sat next to Peter in a few classes, and the poor boy was hopelessly behind. He kept fretting that they wouldn't let him graduate from Hogwarts, but she assured him they would (it didn't hurt, of course, that she already knew he'd finished). Some days, Hermione wanted to scream out in the middle of class that Peter Pettigrew would grow up to be a murderer and a traitor. But other days, to Hermione's surprise, she somehow forgot all about his past, and he became just another student she was helping with wand work.

The days kept getting shorter and the weather colder and windier. Her favorite days were Fridays when she and Sirius had Arithmancy class together. Arithmancy used to be a good opportunity for them to flirt during class, but now even Sirius was frantically trying to keep up with the notes. As they crossed the courtyard, walking to class in the swirling snow, Sirius snaked arm around her shoulder to try and shield her from the biting cold.

"Cold, isn't it, love?" he said, his gloved hands rubbing her arms.

"Very," she said, rubbing her hands together to try and keep them warm.

They struggled to open the heavy door to the Arithmancy building with the strong winter winds pushing against it, but pulling on it together, they managed to get inside. Sirius shook the snow from the raven-colored hair. As they walked toward the classroom, Hermione animatedly explained how she came to find the answer to a particularly difficult equation, while Sirius just nodded and smiled broadly.

"And then I just took the summation of the covariates-"

"Hermione?" he said, interrupting her.

"Hm?"

"You're my girlfriend, right?" he continued conversationally as he walked.

Hermione had stopped in her tracks in the middle of the hall. She gaped at him, unable to answer.

"Goodness, girl, if the answer is no, you could just say so," he said, walking back to her and pulling her forward.

"No, I just . . . I hadn't thought about it," she admitted. She was lying through her teeth. She had thought about it, a great deal in fact. But she had always come to the same conclusion: she simply couldn't be Sirius Black's girlfriend. She was from a different time! He was her best friend's godfather! And worst of all, someday, she would return to her time, a time in which he was dead. It took her breath away to think of it.

"If you're still wanting to see other people-"

"No!" she cried. "No, of course not."

"Well, then, girlfriend is the obvious next step," he continued.

"Well, of course it is," Hermione said, seemingly to herself.

"So?"

"Oh, Sirius, it's so complicated!" said Hermione, stopping in the middle of the hall.

Hermione buried her face in her hands, willing herself not to cry. Suddenly, all she could think about was his future. She thought about the posters she had seen of him, his beautiful hair in disgusting matted tangles as he screamed from behind the bars of a cell in Azkaban. She thought about him living in a cave, surviving on rats because he couldn't risk going into town for food. She thought about his life after he returned to Number 12 Grimmauld Place, the miserable home he had shared with his sneering brother Regulus. And worst of all, she thought about his death. Hermione had been worried all this time about her impact on the future, on this group of people. She hadn't realized that she should be worried about her own heart, too. She blinked away tears and looked back up at him. Sirius eyed her quizzically, not fully understanding what she meant.

"What do you mean, complicated?" he asked, taking her gently in his arms and gazing at her with grey eyes.

"It's just that . . . I have such a different past than you," she stammered.

"Do you think that matters to me?" Sirius said, a sudden bitterness in his voice as he pushed away from her. "Your past? Do you want to know about my past, Hermione? You've met my brother. Do you want to hear about how I grew up?"

"No, no, I'm sorry," she said. Hermione took a deep breath. She knew the wise thing to do. She should tell him no, that she wouldn't be his girlfriend. That they weren't meant to be together. Then, she should march upstairs to Dumbledore and insist on being sequestered until he found a way to send her home. But, instead, she found her arms winding around his neck. "It was just a surprise. Sirius, there's nothing I want more in the world than to be your girlfriend. But-"

"No buts," he interrupted, not wanting to hear her reasons for saying no. "If that's what you want, and that's what I want, then there's no reason why we can't have it."

He kissed her forehead and she nodded, smiling, and they continued to walk to Arithmancy.

"You know, your brother was right," she said from her place at his side.

"Hm? Right about what?" asked Sirius.

"I'm Muggleborn," she said with a grin.

"Muggleborn? I didn't know that," Sirius said, smiling at her. "My mother would love it."

Hermione giggled and they entered Arithmancy together, losing five points from Gryffindor for being late. They dropped into their chairs at the back table together, pulling out quills and parchment from their bags. Hermione felt him squeeze her knee before they both started scribbling.

A few days later, Hermione was in the library, a welcome escape from the chaos of the Marauders. She was reading through a thick book about time travel, trying to reassure herself that it simply wasn't possible for her to affect the future, that everything she was doing was simply part of the unbreakable timeline. Each book carried with it a dramatic warning not to try to change the past during time travel, but she'd never actually seen anything that suggested it was possible. Surely it wasn't, right? If she changed the past, it would change her own future. She was deep into a passage about time paradoxes when Remus sat down next to her.

"What are you reading?" he asked with a tired smile, sitting down a stack of books of his own.

"Hm? Oh, this? Just…" she began but trailed off.

"Time travel?" asked Remus. "What class is that for?"

Hermione didn't know what to say. She looked at his exhausted face, and then she checked her calendar. He was looking very pale and ill indeed.

"You don't look very well, Remus," Hermione said, eyeing him carefully. She knew the full moon was just a day away.

"I'm just feeling a bit under the weather," he replied, stacking his books on top of each other.

Hermione wanted more than anything to tell him that she knew he was a werewolf and that she adored him anyway. As much as she was trying to forget about the sad future the Marauders were facing, she couldn't help but think about Remus and his future. His future was sadness, with the loss of his Marauder friends, but also happiness, with Tonks, the spunky, bright-haired Auror who was Sirius's cousin. He was looking rather miserable at the moment, and she desperately wanted to wrap her arms around him in a hug and tell him things would turn out all right.

"Do you want to talk about it?" continued Hermione, resting a friendly hand on his shoulder.

"No," Remus said firmly.

"You're a good guy, Remus," said Hermione. "I like being around you."

"Don't let Sirius hear you say that," he said embarrassedly, but he was grinning.

"If there's anything I can do…" she said.

"There isn't," he said with a tone of finality.

Her heart ached to help him. Hermione had learned the Wolfsbane potion at Hogwarts in her time; she was one of the few students who could manage to brew it. But she couldn't remember how to make it. She scoured every book and journal she could find looking for information on the invention of the Wolfsbane potion and couldn't find anything. She wracked her brain trying to remember anything she could about the inventor of the potion but had only remembered that it was invented in the late seventies. She cursed herself for being unable to recall the ingredients and recipe.

Hermione felt powerless to help this kind young man, who didn't deserve the curse of lycanthropy. She needed to learn more, to know more, so that she could help him. If she could only observe him, perhaps it would trigger her memory. So, the night of the full moon, Hermione decided to visit Hagrid's hut again. She thought she would be able to get a better glimpse of the boys from Hagrid's window. After sunset, she stole away from the dormitory and snuck out onto the grounds. It was dark and the moon was just beginning to peek out through the clouds, making her quicken her pace to get to Hagrid's hut.

A piercing howl broke the silence. Hermione froze in place. She knew what the sound meant; the Marauders, including the werewolf, were already out wandering the grounds. She'd waited too long to leave the castle, and she'd put herself in danger. She began to jog toward Hagrid's hut, hoping to find safety there, but when she saw a gigantic figure with dark fur jump in front of her, she screamed and stumbled backward. She started crawling backward on the grass as the growling beast advanced toward her, and her piercing scream filled the air. Suddenly, she sat up and looked hard at the shaggy animal in front of her.

"Sirius?" she said, relieved that it wasn't the werewolf that had caught her wandering the grounds at night.

The black dog whined and backed away, and Hermione just laid back on the grass, thankful she hadn't just been made dinner for a werewolf. When she looked up, she saw him staring at her from underneath his black hair.

"How did you know it was me?" he hissed.

"What?" she said.

"You said my name!" Sirius said angrily.

"I. . . I must have just said it without thinking. . . I was frightened," Hermione stammered.

"Don't lie!" he snapped. "Did Lily tell you?"

"No!" she said, her voice beginning to waver with tears. "I . . . I can explain . . ."

But she didn't get a chance to explain. A wolf was barreling toward them at top speed, with a stag at its heels trying to subdue it. Instantly, Sirius was back in his dog form, and he leapt at the werewolf, bringing it down to the ground. Hermione screamed and ran to Hagrid's cabin, turning back only once to see a brawl, with fur flying and antlers jabbing; she couldn't bear to look. She banged on the door to Hagrid's hut, hearing Fang yap excitedly.

"Shut it, yeh mangy mutt!" called Hagrid's voice, and he swung the door open.

"Hagrid," Hermione said, tears beginning to flow down her cheeks.

"Oh, come in," he said, shaking his head.

She sat in the corner of Hagrid's hut and cried while he brought her tea and rock cakes, which she politely declined. He patted her shoulder lightly.

"There, there, no need to cry," Hagrid said reassuringly. "Whatever it is can't be all that bad."

"Oh, but it is, Hagrid," said Hermione tearfully. "Everything I told you is true. And I've just ruined everything."

"Don't you go talking crazy!" Hagrid said angrily. "Now, listen, after you came down here ter me hut, I went to Dumbledore to tell him about, well, the crazy girl wanderin' the grounds."

Hermione looked up at him.

"He told me you were telling ther truth! Well, shocked as I was, he told me ter be nice ter yeh and help yeh and make sure yeh knew that everything was goin' ter turn out alright," Hagrid said, giving her a handkerchief and she wiped her eyes.

"How does he know?" she replied.

"Great man, Dumbledore," Hagrid continued. "He knows lots more than you or I."

Hermione nodded. Hagrid patted her on the head, gave her a lamp, and wished her well before she carefully made her way across the lawn toward her dormitory, her breath coming in small hitches as she walked up to Gryffindor tower.

(())

Sirius awoke very early the next morning feeling worse than he ever had. He looked down at his arms and chest to see bruises and scrapes all over himself. He lay his head back down on his pillow, thanking his lucky stars that it was Saturday and he didn't have to go to class. His mind was focused only on Hermione. How did she know it was me? he wondered. Sirius was confused and angry and bewildered. She'd been hiding something from him. What's worse, she had broken school rules without telling him, putting herself in danger. If she had told him her plans to walk the grounds that night, he could have stopped her! Sirius crawled out of his bed and without bothering to get fully dressed, descended the stairs. The Common Room was beginning to come alive, with sleepy students slowly emerging from their dormitories. He looked around and saw her.

She was sitting on their favorite couch and had obviously been crying. Her brown eyes were red and puffy, and her face was tear streaked. She had drawn her knees up to her chest and wouldn't look at him. He stepped over to her and lifted her chin with his hand. Her eyes roved his bare chest. She ran her fingers over the deep cuts there, making him shudder. Her breath choked into a sob again and she struggled to hold it in. He sank down next to her and brought her head onto his shoulder with his hand. He was stroking her soft cheek and nuzzling into her.

"I'm so sorry," she replied.

"I just don't understand," he said, shaking his head. "How did you know?"

She leaned back upright and looked at him very seriously.

"Sirius, I . . . I can't tell you," she said, her gaze falling to the floor. "I want to tell you, but I can't."

He looked at her, furrowing his eyebrows at her. He was not a secretive young man. He believed in telling his friends everything, wearing his heart on his sleeve. Secrets were a Slytherin thing, not a Gryffindor one. He looked down at Hermione, whose brown eyes were shining with tears and pleading with him to understand.

"I promise, it's not bad, it's not… it's just… I just want to be your girlfriend and kiss you and be happy!" she said, still crying softly, burying her face in his chest. "But I can't tell you how I knew. I'm sorry."

He leaned back, staring at the ceiling as he considered her carefully. She knew about his Animagus transformation, somehow. She refused to tell him why or how. He didn't understand, he couldn't understand. But she wanted to be with him, and she was begging him to try. He was deep in thought, examining his own beliefs about secrets and friendship and… trust. That was all it was. She was asking him to trust her. That he could do. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, he turned his head toward her.

"Alright," he replied. "I trust you."

She sighed in relief and snuggled up against him once more. He kissed the top of her head. She rested her head against his shoulder and her breathing slowly returned to normal. Once her crying had fully subsided, Sirius shifted so that he was facing her. He stared at her for a moment, and then a small smile crept across his face. He leaned in to kiss her. Kissing her felt like the most natural thing in the world. Her soft lips pressed against his. He pulled apart from her, and she was smiling bashfully. Then, they heard footsteps descending the girls' dormitory. It was Lily, and she looked relieved.

"Hermione!" she said. "I was wondering where you'd been. I didn't see you before bed or this morning."

"She was with me," Sirius interjected, and Lily eyed him very seriously. He nodded at her, and she sighed.

"So, you know," she said resignedly.

"I know," Hermione answered.

"Well, thank goodness, at least I don't have to keep pretending I don't," said Lily, smiling.

The three of them headed down to the Great Hall for breakfast, not bothering wait for James and Peter. Sirius had Hermione's hand in his, and suddenly, in the bright light of the day, with a cheerful Lily by their side, the night's events didn't seem so terrifying. Sirius even started telling the tale animatedly, as though the fight he'd had with a werewolf was just another fun adventure. Lily was wide-eyed.

"But what were you doing on the grounds?" asked Lily, and Sirius turned to Hermione. He had been wondering the same thing.

"Oh… Hagrid is my… he…" said Hermione, fumbling around. "He knows me and my family."

Sirius could tell that wasn't the whole story, but he squeezed her hand. Trust her.

(())

When Hermione saw Remus that night, he wouldn't even look at her. It broke her heart. Sirius kept a protective arm around her the whole night, but Hermione's gaze couldn't help but rest on Remus, who looked miserable. Obviously, his friends had told him who he tried to bite the night before, and his body wore the signs of the fight with Sirius.

"I need to talk to him," Hermione whispered to Sirius, who nodded, understanding what she meant.

Hermione stood and walked over to Remus, who avoided looking up at her. She nudged his foot with hers and he finally lifted his eyes to meet her gaze. She tilted her head toward the portal, and he nodded and followed her out into the corridor. They walked, ambling through the wide hallways of Hogwarts. Neither spoke for a long time. Hermione wasn't sure how to talk to him about what had happened. Then, he spoke.

"Did you know?" asked Remus softly.

"Know?"

"Know about my condition," he said.

"Oh," said Hermione, and she couldn't meet his gaze. "I… Yes, I knew."

Remus nodded sullenly. She grasped his shoulder, and they stopped walking. He was looking at her, his amber eyes a window into his tortured soul. This man didn't deserve this, he didn't deserve what the next decade would bring. Hermione pulled him into a tight hug, and after a moment, he tentatively returned it.

"I don't understand why you risked it then," he said in a choked voice against her neck. "Why put yourself in danger?"

"I didn't know… I wasn't sure…" she pulled back and looked at him. She couldn't help herself. "Remus, every time you leave the Shrieking Shack you put people's lives in danger."

He seemed momentarily shocked that she knew about the Shrieking Shack as well. His brow furrowed and he was about to ask her something, but she interrupted.

"Remus, I can't tell you how I know," she said. "I'm sorry. I really am. It's a secret I must keep. And someday you'll know, all right? Someday you'll know everything. But not today. I can't tell you, but I can promise you I don't mean any of you any harm."

"I know that," Remus said with a sheepish grin, and she cocked her head at him in question. "Werewolf senses. My… my intuition is better than most. And besides, Dumbledore wouldn't let you into the school if we had something to worry about."

Hermione laughed.

"It's just the one thing I have to hide about myself," she said.

Remus and Hermione stood in the corridor for a moment. She had respected him so much in her own time, and having the opportunity to be his friend now, to know him as a younger man, was an immense privilege. She smiled, and he reluctantly smiled back.

"Hermione?" he said.

"Hm?"

"Time travel books?" said Remus.

Her eyes widened. She opened her mouth to speak, but he stopped her.

"It's okay, you don't have to tell me anything," said Remus with a smile.

"Please, you mustn't tell anyone. Not… not ever…" said Hermione, panicked. "Promise me you'll never tell."

"I won't. I promise," he said, and then his face dropped into a serious, somber expression. "I do have just one question, though."

"Anything," said Hermione.

"How long do I have before I have to pick up the pieces?" said Remus quietly.

Hermione felt as though her breath had been stolen away. She buried her face in her hands, willing herself not to cry.

"I don't know," she said quietly. "I'm sorry. You're right. I'll… I'll break up with him. I'll go back to Gryffindor Tower now and tell him it's over."

Unexpectedly, Remus laughed.

"For Merlin's sake, Hermione, don't tell me I've only got five minutes until I'm cleaning up after all this!" he said with a twinkle in his amber eyes. He grasped her firmly by the shoulders. "Sirius has never been happier. Don't take this away from him. At least, not before you have to, alright?"

Hermione bit her lip and nodded. They shared a quick hug and then walked back to the Gryffindor Common Room together.