Chapter 7: Just Us

Summary:

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Chapter Text

The next morning, he had to wait till lunchtime to meet with James again. And he caught him just as James was leaving the Great Hall with Remus. He wasn't sure where Sirius was, but Regulus was itching to talk to James and he didn't want to wait any longer.

"Jamie!" Regulus called out, and both James and Remus turned around with smiles on their faces.

"Ah, here he is. The fifth Marauder!" James said with excitement and Regulus was doing all he could to hold himself together; he wasn't going to be able to deal with James's usual dramatic self.

"I need to talk to you in private, if that's okay." Regulus gave Remus an apologetic smile who waved him off.

"It's fine, I was going to head to the library anyway."

"Ah, and Jamie wouldn't set foot in there!" Regulus managed to joke weakly.

Remus chuckled before replying, "Exactly!"

"I am right here, you know!" James protested indignantly.

For once, Regulus took James by the wrists and dragged him away, heading for the lake where it was quiet and he was sure they wouldn't be overheard.

"This is a change. Normally, I'm the one dragging you," James commented, and Regulus glanced back to face James with watery eyes to let him know that something was indeed very wrong. Immediately, James turned serious and nodded at him, picking up the pace. As they made their way through the courtyard and down the hill, James intertwined their hands, giving Regulus a tight squeeze.

Regulus's heart was beating fast, but he was trying not to think about the fact that he was holding James's hand; he tried to think of how to tell James what his grandfather had said at the meeting.

Finding his usual spot, they sat down, and only then did Regulus let his tears fall.

"Reggie, what's wrong?" James asked softly, wrapping an arm around him and Regulus hid his face in James's side. There was nothing he could do about his grandfather. He was looking out for the future of the Blacks, but at what cost? Why did it mean him having to give up being himself again?

Why could he never just be happy?

"It's my grandfather, he…" Regulus sniffed, glancing up at James through his tears. "I can't tell anyone, I shouldn't even be thinking about telling you! What if he finds out that you know? What if that puts you in danger too?" Regulus ranted worriedly; he was overthinking everything. He was panicking and his breathing was getting quicker and quicker.

"Hey, Reggie, deep breaths. Breath in, one, two, three," James said softly, and Regulus listened, taking a deep breath to calm himself. "Out, one, two, three," James continued after a few moments.

Regulus managed to calm down again, and his breathing was sort of back to normal.

"I promise I won't tell anyone, Reggie -"

" - not even Sirius?" Regulus questioned, and James blinked a few times before nodding, but Regulus didn't have to wait for long for his answer. "Not even Sirius. It's just us."

"He's making me learn Occlumency. He… He wants me to be a spy." Regulus whispered with a shaky breath, "I have to stay away from you lot and spend more time with the Slytherins."

He felt even more nervous when James stayed silent, not saying anything but squeezing his hand and running his thumb over Regulus's.

"But that's exactly what you wanted not to happen," James pointed out after a few minutes, "I can't let you go through this alone."

"What? I have to -" Regulus started, but James interrupted.

"No, you're not getting rid of me that easily, little star. I'm staying," James said firmly.

Regulus sighed. He was touched that James would do this for him, but he was conflicted. He'd be putting James in danger, and he couldn't allow that. Unless… unless he got so good at Occlumency that no one would find out.

"Thank you," Regulus whispered after a few moments of sitting in silence. His mind was spinning, wondering just what would happen in the years to come.

"You're welcome," James replied, and Regulus ran a hand through his hair trying to clear his thoughts. He didn't want Sirius to know because his idiot brother would want to take over and do it himself. Or not let Regulus go through with it and get himself hurt in the process. He didn't want anyone to be hurt because of him; he wouldn't be able to carry that guilt.

He needed to be strong and to become stronger.

OoO

End of year exams were almost over, and Regulus felt pretty confident about them. The potions one went particularly well. But he was still only slightly distracted. With what?

Well.

Learning how to clear his mind at night, spending more time with Evan rather than his brother, and feeling the weight of the plan taking its toll, slowly but surely.

The only thing that truly stayed the same was his friendship with James. And he couldn't be more thankful for that. The lake had become their spot and a place where Regulus could still be himself.

Today, though, was his birthday. And he had no idea what to expect from the Marauders or from anyone else that he spent his time with. He was twelve now, but he felt much older than that.

When he and Sirius were younger, Sirius used to sneak into his room at night, and sing him happy birthday while giving him his present. This was because birthdays weren't celebrated like they should have been; they had arranged parties, and all with their parents, friends and their children whether they wanted to have one or not.

So, he was glad that he was at Hogwarts this time and not at home.

He made his way to breakfast deep in thought, thinking just how much things had changed since he had started at Hogwarts. Soon, it would be summer, and then he'd be a second year. Already.

He sat down at the Ravenclaw Table and helped himself to breakfast. He kept quiet, and to himself. That was until, of course, the Marauders made themselves noticed.

They sang him Happy Birthday, not quite in tune, and Regulus tried his best not to smile, his name in a blue birthday banner as they made their way over to him. James gave him a birthday badge, and Regulus shook his head in disbelief.

"Happy birthday, Reg!" Sirius said happily, "Meet in the usual place tonight, okay?"

Regulus wasn't going to say no, he didn't want to say no. He, for once, didn't care what his grandfather had said.

"Happy birthday, Regulus," Remus said quietly and Regulus nodded, letting a small smile pass through his mask.

"Happy birthday," Peter said and Regulus nodded politely and smiled.

"Meet me later, Reggie?" Jamie whispered in his ear and Regulus nodded.

"Thank you, but please, you are not singing to me again!" Regulus said with amusement. He spotted mischief in Sirius's eyes and Regulus narrowed his own. "Sirius…"

"You get the same again at lunch and dinner!" Sirius said all in one breath before sprinting out of the hall, Peter and Remus trailing behind, giving Regulus a wave of goodbye. James winked at him as he walked away backwards, following his friends out of the Great Hall.

"Sorry, Reggie," James said, who didn't sound sorry at all, "It's tradition!"

Regulus, after a morning of lessons and another embarrassing sing-song of "Happy Birthday" in the Great Hall, made his way to the lake once again.

He blinked when he saw James was already there waiting for him. Regulus sat beside him and glanced at James with a smile.

"Hello," he said softly. He then noticed a present in James's hands. "You didn't have to get me anything."

"I wanted to," James replied with a grin. His eyes shone with excitement. "Happy Birthday, Reggie."

Regulus read the label, which said,

Happy Birthday, Reggie.

Don't give up, and don't stop being you.

Love, James

Regulus opened the wrapping and smiled; it was a book titled The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe. How did James know that he'd like this? Regulus ran his fingers over the cover and smiled a toothy smile at James, who seemed to be nervous.

"I didn't know if you'd like it, but I thought of you when I saw it and…" James rambled and Regulus laughed at him, which shut James up.

"Jamie, I love it. Thank you so much!" Regulus hugged James, and it didn't take long for James to hug him back. His stomach had that funny feeling again, his insides turning and he couldn't help but try and hide his flushed cheeks. He didn't know why he was so comfortable hugging James, or why he liked it so much. But he decided not to question it.

"You're sure you like it -"

"- yes, shut up," Regulus replied, wanting to just enjoy their moment. He didn't want to stop their hug, but he knew they'd have to return to the real world at some point soon.

The hug lasted just a few minutes longer until Regulus reluctantly let go. He didn't quite understand why, but he liked being in James's arms. He just felt safe, and that was all that mattered.

"Can't believe you told me to shut up," James said, breaking the silence, with a smirk on his face. Regulus's cheeks tinted a darker shade of pink as he smiled sheepishly.

"You were being an idiot," Regulus replied, feeling the need to defend his actions, and James snorted indignantly.

"Charming," he commented and Regulus chuckled lightly.

"Will you write to me during summer?" James asked softly and Regulus hummed in thought.

"I doubt it. Mother drunkenly reads and destroys the letters she doesn't like before we get a chance to read them ourselves. I'm sure Sirius has told you that before," Regulus said with disappointment in his voice.

"He didn't say it quite like that." James sounded shocked. "We will figure out a way."

Regulus wanted to believe him, but he wasn't convinced. Not one bit.

Later that night, Regulus was in the Gryffindor dorm room once again, and Sirius gave him his present with a grin on his face.

Regulus opened the present and shook his head in disbelief; it was a photo frame with a moving picture of a younger him and Sirius grinning at each other and laughing. It was taken in Sirius's bedroom, he remembered. Andromeda Black, his and Sirius's youngest cousin took it with a Muggle camera. Telling both him and Sirius not to say anything to their parents about her having one. Regulus was laughing at Sirius, for pulling faces at him and Sirius was grinning brightly at him in response. It was before… well.

"How'd you get this?" Regulus questioned in a whisper, smiling.

"I found it, made two copies, and framed it for you. I've got the original," Sirius explained.

"Thank you, Siri."

Maybe all was not lost between him and Sirius, after all.