Chapter 8: Way Down We Go

Chapter Text

Regulus sighed heavily as he sat down at his desk. It was the middle of summer and so far, he had managed to complete all of his homework for the upcoming year, listen to his drunken mother at meal times, and desperately wished that he was anywhere else but at the Blacks. Running a hand through his hair, he closed his eyes as he thought back to a conversation he'd had with Sirius a couple of weeks ago.

"Reg, I plan to run away from here next year or the year after that," Sirius said, his voice just above a whisper. Regulus's breath hitched as he glanced at Sirius, unable to hide the worry he had for his brother. But he wasn't going to beg for him to stay; he wouldn't do that. He knew how good the Potters were and how much Sirius loved it there. Who wouldn't run away - to them - if they could? But a small part of Regulus had hoped that Sirius would stay for a bit longer.

"What will you say to Mother and Father?" Regulus asked softly, and Sirius sighed, shrugging his shoulders.

"What I've wanted to say to them for a very long time. But, Reg, you could come with me. The Potters love you, you know?" Sirius spoke and Regulus used his well-crafted mask not to smile at hearing that. It was breaking his heart, slowly, but surely. He had loved it at the Potters when he had spent Christmas with them last year, but he didn't think he could spend a whole summer there. Not without Grandfather knowing of his whereabouts. Which he couldn't let happen.

"Someone has to stay and keep Mother happy, Siri. You go, I'll be fine," he replied, more to convince himself than Sirius. Besides, he needed to stick to the plan. The plan he was going to go through with, whether it was his choice or not.

"But… Wouldn't you like to see James? Oh, and he says you haven't written to him again," Sirius started and Regulus jerked his head up so fast, he was surprised it didn't click.

"You talked to James?" Regulus asked and Sirius's eyes softened as he nodded.

"We're meeting at Diagon Alley to buy our school things if you want to come with us?"

Regulus ran a hand through his hair and chewed on his fingers nervously for a few moments before he replied, "I'll come."

"Reg, you can talk to me. About anything," Sirius said, and Regulus nodded at Sirius but took a deep breath, putting on a smile, trying to convince his brother that he was fine. Or that he would be fine. Eventually.

Regulus breathed in and out, trying to clear his mind of all his thoughts. Something that was said in the book his grandfather had given him was that for Occlumency to work, your mind needed to be completely clear and calm. He had to learn to control his emotions, to bury his thoughts and feelings deep inside behind a lock and key.

Simple enough, right? Regulus thought sarcastically.

He practiced everyday, and everyday, he got closer and closer. What was motivating him was that he couldn't let his grandfather find out what he had told James. If he found out, Regulus wasn't sure if he could predict what his grandfather would do. And he didn't like that uncertainty. The fear of the unknown.

Regulus took a piece of parchment and his quill out from a drawer, placed them on his desk and leant forward, his thoughts going back to James. James knew Regulus wouldn't be able to write, but had James expected him to anyway? If only he could… What was really stopping him?

Dear James,

I hope this letter finds you well. Once again, I'm reminded of just how much I hate this place, just how much I want to live anywhere, but here. This is my own personal hell, and to be honest, it feels like I'm drowning. That I'm losing myself along the way. I have a feeling that second year will feel like this, but ten times worse. This is why I haven't written to you because you don't want to hear about my depressing problems. It'll just ruin your summer.

And I can't have that.

See you at Diagon Alley soon.

Regulus Arcturus Black

Regulus folded up the letter and put it in an envelope, writing 'James' in neat cursive writing. He then sat back in his chair, hands behind his head as he stared at the letter he had just written.

After a few minutes, Regulus took the letter and hid it in a secret compartment in his desk, not wanting to even look at the letter, let alone send it. He couldn't, and he didn't know why.

OoO

"Hurry up, Sirius!" Regulus spoke loudly as they made their way to the entrance of Diagon Alley. They had come through the fireplace and were running late on their way to meet with James, Remus and unfortunately, Peter. He thought that the others would have decided to head for the Ice Cream parlour without them, and he was actually looking forward to that part of the trip.

As well as seeing James again, of course.

"We're not even late, Reg. Calm down," Sirius said behind him, taking his time walking to the entrance and Regulus rolled his eyes. Regulus was wearing smart black trousers with a dark green button up shirt and a Black crest set of robes over the top. He still wore the bracelet James had given him at Christmas, having never taken it off. Sirius was wearing black jeans and a red Muggle band t-shirt with a leather jacket over the top. He had no idea how Sirius wasn't boiling, as the weather was actually quite nice for once.

They made their way through the entrance and towards the meeting place, which was outside Flourish and Blotts, and Regulus's eyes glinted with happiness the moment he laid eyes on James. It was the hair he had spotted first, and then him. He had grown over the summer, Regulus noticed. And his hair was messier than ever, just the way Regulus liked it.

"You're late," James commented, grinning at him as they got nearer and Regulus's lips twisted upwards, nearly into a smile but not quite.

"Blame Sirius, he had to make sure his hair was perfect," Regulus replied, and his heartbeat quickened when James laughed.

"Of course," James said, shaking his head amusedly as Sirius caught up to them.

"Are you two talking about me?" Sirius asked and both Regulus and James glanced at each other before answering at the same time.

"Yes!"

"Come on, Remus and Pete are meeting us there." James led them along the alley and Regulus and Sirius walked by his side. "How have you been, stranger?" James asked Regulus, nudging him gently in the side.

"Surviving," Regulus said simply, and he caught the concern in James's eyes. "Fine, honest. Bored of hearing Sirius's music 24/7 though," he joked lightly, not wanting James to worry about him anymore than he did already.

"Hey!" Sirius sounded appalled and Regulus sniggered at him. "You can't be bored of the Beatles. That's just impossible!"

They made it to the parlour and Remus and Peter were sitting at a table inside, looking out onto the alley. Remus, to Regulus's eyes, didn't look well. Maybe they should think about becoming Animagus sooner than they had promised. He'd have to talk to James about that.

Regulus got mint chocolate chip ice cream and sat next to Remus, who nodded and smiled in greeting.

"Hey, Regulus," Remus said softly and Regulus smiled slightly. He always liked Remus more than Peter, out of the Marauders. Although, he wouldn't ever say that to James or Sirius.

"Hello, Remus. I trust you're having a pleasant summer?" he asked politely and Remus shrugged. "As pleasant as it can be, thank you. You?"

"About the same," Regulus said and they nodded with mutual understanding. James and Sirius joined them once again, James sitting next to him and Sirius and Peter sitting opposite.

"Third year, how are we feeling?" James broke the silence, and a chorus of 'fine' replied back to him.

Sirius then spoke, "Great! I have a list of pranks that we can pull off that will last us till Christmas, at least!"

Regulus groaned. "Remind me which ones to avoid, will you?" he asked his brother who nodded, waving him away. Sirius was about to speak again when James interrupted.

"Should we do a prank war again? That was fun," James suggested, looking between Regulus and Sirius. Regulus was very tempted, but if they would, he'd have to be careful to avoid being seen. He needed to tighten his Slytherin circle this year, which would work better than it had last year, as he knew Barty Crouch Jr was joining this year. And he had always gotten along with Barty at the forced parties, when they were younger. Him and Evan, that should be enough to satisfy his grandfather and mother, for that matter.

"I'm not sure…" Regulus started and trailed off at the look of disappointment on James's face. "Maybe," he added a second after and James smiled again, nodding.

"Good. Peter, how was Paris?" James asked.

Peter shrugged. "It was good, my sister found a French bloke to date. He makes her happy, I suppose," he said and Regulus blinked a few times.

He swore that was the most he'd actually listened to and heard Peter say in the whole time that he'd known him. Damn, why did I break that cycle? And since when did he have a sister? he thought, furrowing his eyebrows together in slight confusion. Regulus really should pay more attention. Or maybe he shouldn't. He didn't really care either way.

He turned to James, who had gone silent while eating his ice cream. "How was your summer, Jamie?"

"I thought you'd never ask!" James said dramatically, grinning at him and Regulus rolled his eyes fondly.

"It was boring without you or Sirius there," James started, "but I played Quidditch for most of the day. I actually did my homework too."

Sirius mock gasped. "That's a first," he said and James looked offended.

"But Dad talked to me," James lowered his voice, and they all leaned in to be able to hear him. Regulus moved in a little closer, and their legs were almost touching, he could feel the heat from them. "He says things are getting worse this year. There have been disappearances. Muggles, and he's worried."

Regulus bit his bottom lip nervously as he listened to James. Could this have anything to do with why his grandfather spoke to him and why it was so early? Because… because there were dark times ahead? He never fully talked about it, just gave the orders for what Regulus should do. Perhaps that was why he had only mentioned the Dark Lord briefly, not giving him much detail. And this was why his grandfather had spoken to him when he did?

"He wants me to be more careful this year as far as the Slytherins are concerned. And that's all he told me," James finished speaking, Regulus leaned back in his chair, his frown deepening as he looked at James, who was looking at him too.

James winked at him, and Regulus let a small smile slip past his mask as he winked back.

He didn't know what was going to happen come September, but only one thing mattered right now.

"Jamie… Why did you get vanilla ice cream?"