Chapter 9: Year 2: Where You Belong

Chapter Text

The start of the new year came surprisingly quickly for Regulus after the meeting in Diagon Alley.

Soon enough, he found himself on the train journey to Hogwarts, reading in the carriage with James, Sirius, Remus and Peter. James had his head resting on Regulus's legs, but Regulus didn't mind that.

He was reading The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe, the book James had got him for his birthday. He had already read it about six times, but Regulus didn't care. Something about the book calmed him and made him more relaxed. He hadn't figured out quite what that was yet.

Regulus was trying to distract himself from his thoughts as he was overthinking what could happen this year. Was he going to be able to keep the plan his grandfather had for him in motion? Was he going to be able to stay away from Sirius? Most importantly, from James? He'd even miss Remus, and Peter's awkward presence.

He thought back to the last meeting he'd had with his Grandfather where he had invaded his mind. Quite literally, invaded. Regulus still hadn't recovered, and now his thoughts and feelings were on edge, wanting to leap out. Explode. Any progress he had made before had gone straight out of the window, and Regulus couldn't even tell anyone what he had been through.

A memory of chasing James through the corridors of Hogwarts after he had pranked his partner in crime. Regulus was running with a massive grin on his face, while James kept looking back, running a little further down the corridors. Both not caring about the passers by, staring and pointing at them.

Next, a memory of him and Sirius, when they were five and six. Regulus was scared of the thunder and lightning and had run into Sirius's room with tears falling down his face, his eyes wide with fright.

Sirius hugged him, brought him up to his bed, and sang to him. When that didn't distract him, Sirius opened the window and showed him the night sky. When the thunder cracked again and the lightning shone, Regulus was still scared but was distracted looking at the stars that Sirius pointed out to him.

He had pointed out the star he was named after. "You're the brightest star, Lionheart. You don't need to be afraid because I'm never that far away," Sirius said, pointing to his own star.

The next time the lightning struck, Regulus didn't notice.

"Sweet…" a voice said, and he was brought out of his memories and collapsed on the floor, out of breath. "You weren't even trying to keep me out of your mind!" Grandfather commented, and Regulus could feel the disappointment; the look in his Grandfather's eyes said all he needed to say.

He had forgotten all about the lightning memory, and Regulus didn't know how that had happened. How could he forget that? It was something that Regulus thought he would remember for years, yet… only now did it come to the surface again. Maybe he should ask Sirius if he remembered it.

"You're too powerful, Sir! I've been practicing, I have!" Regulus defended himself. He was only twelve, after all. It wasn't like he was going to get it until he was fifteen, at least. He didn't know why his grandfather wanted him to practice at such a young age. He understood the Dark Lord was a threat and that they would have to fight. But why now? It wasn't fair.

"The Dark Lord is more powerful than I am! When he sees James and Sirius in your memories, he will stop at nothing to put them both in danger! Hurt them, heck, even kill them! You don't want that on your conscience, do you?" he said harshly.

Regulus's eyes widened. He wasn't able to stop the tears falling down his face. He shook his head, unable to speak.

"Now, let's try again!"

Regulus wiped his eyes and inwardly sighed. He was kidding himself when he thought being in Ravenclaw would have been different.

Someone nudged him, and he looked to find James staring at him with concern in his eyes. Regulus bit his bottom lip nervously. What did he want?

"Are you okay?" James mouthed, and Regulus blinked a few times, deciding what to say. He couldn't tell him the whole story with his friends in the compartment. But if he didn't tell James now, when would he next get an opportunity to do so?

He shook his head to indicate he wasn't fine; he didn't know why he couldn't lie to James and say he was. But he knew it wouldn't feel right if he did lie to him. And James had said that they were in this together, that he was staying whether Regulus liked it or not.

Regulus then blinked back his surprise when James sat up straight and stood up, stretching. He stared at James maybe a little longer than he should have as James turned to Sirius, Remus and Peter.

"I'm going for a walk," he said simply, and as he made his way to the door, he nodded to Regulus, motioning for him to come with him. Regulus stood up, placing his book back in his bag, and turned to the others.

"I need to go to the restroom," he told them and ignored Sirius, who raised his eyebrows questioningly at them both.

OoO

"What was that about?" Peter asked as Sirius watched his brother and best friend leave the compartment together. He wasn't, by all means, jealous of their friendship, no. He was happy for Reg that he got on with James just as much as Sirius did, or perhaps, maybe more.

"I'm not sure," Sirius replied, glancing at Remus, who gave him a sheepish smile before going back to his book. He wished Regulus would open up to him more, that Regulus would tell him about his feelings, about why he woke up frightened on the train last year. He wished their mother hadn't ruined their relationship; otherwise, he was sure that Regulus would tell him everything.

He missed how it used to be before.

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Regulus followed James to an empty compartment, which he thought was slightly weird as he always imagined the compartments being completely full, all the way down the train. Although, perhaps that had been a silly thought.

When Regulus sat down, James sat next to him, sitting so close that their legs were touching. James's attention was solely on him, and Regulus's heart was beating quickly as they stared at each other for a few moments. Neither said anything.

Until James finally broke the silence.

"What happened?" James asked, his voice just above a whisper. "You didn't write to me, I knew you said you couldn't, but I hoped that you would anyway," he said, and Regulus blinked a few times, remembering the letter that was hidden in his desk. "What did your grandfather do?"

"I wrote a letter," Regulus admitted, and James interrupted him with a frown.

"But I didn't get it -"

" - Because I never sent it!" Regulus finished, giving James a look that shut him up. "I wrote how I was feeling at the time, and I didn't want to ruin your summer by making you worry about me even more than you already were," he said all in one breath. Looking anywhere other than at James, he whispered, "He invaded my mind, Jamie."

"He… what?" James asked, sounding very shocked and not okay in the slightest by what Regulus had just told him.

"The thing is... I relived a memory that had Sirius and I in it, and I didn't even recognise or remember the memory! I want to know why." He left out the memory of him and James.

Regulus finally looked at James, who was still looking at him but this time, his eyes softened and he squeezed Regulus's shoulder in a supportive way.

"We'll find out why. There must be a reason. Did your grandfather say anything else?"

"Just that I had to learn how to block him out and soon. He also said I couldn't spend time with you and the others as much," he said and James frowned, folding his arms across his chest and leaning back in his seat.

"Well, then we'll just have to meet in secret. I'll warn our friends that you might be a little distant," James said softly and Regulus gave him a small smile.

"Thank you," he whispered. "Thank you for listening and for staying."

Regulus was surprised when James leant over to him and kissed him on his forehead, which made Regulus's cheeks tinge pink as James stood up, leaving the compartment without another word.

He wasn't sure how long he sat in the compartment by himself, staring at where James had last stood. But as he sat there, he smiled a true smile. Regulus felt calm in that moment, like everything was going to be okay.

A few hours later, Regulus watched as Barty was sorted into Slytherin and sat down by Evan Rosier. When Barty made eye contact, he nodded and grinned. Regulus couldn't help but smile back, and he nodded to Evan, who winked in return.

Perhaps pleasing his mother and grandfather was going to be easier than he thought it would be.