Chapter 11: War of Hearts

Chapter Text

Two months later and the Regulus he was last year seemed to be in a distant past. As he spent more time with Evan and Barty and some of the other Slytherins, he grew more and more distant not just from the person he used to be but his friends too. To the point that he didn't even recognise himself when he looked in the mirror.

He had successfully avoided The Marauders.

That was, until he bumped into Sirius one morning, on the way to lessons with Evan and Barty by his side. A sight that was seen far too often. Regulus blinked, his well-crafted mask in firm place, his expression remained neutral, showing no emotion.

"Reg," Sirius said, and Regulus nodded.

"Sirius," Regulus replied, perhaps a little too coldly. He had to put on the act.

The plan. It was all for the plan. I'm sorry, Siri. I'm really sorry.

Sirius was taken aback, and Regulus stood awkwardly. His friends were silent during the exchange.

"What's happened, Reg?" Sirius asked, and Regulus didn't know what to say, but Sirius continued, "What happened? Why are you behaving… behaving like our cousin's? Like the perfect Black?"

Grandfather. He has this plan to help the House of Black. It's riding on me to be a spy… I can't do it anymore, Siri. I need help, I need you. Take this away from me so I can be happy. Why can't I be happy? Regulus wasn't going to say that, no matter how much he wanted to.

"I've always been like this," Regulus replied before adding harshly, "I have to do this because you didn't." He immediately regretted it the moment he saw the guilt flash across Sirius's face.

"You weren't always like this. I don't believe you. Just tell me what happened, tell me so I can fix it!" Sirius said in a desperate tone, and Regulus's heart ached. He had to be strong. He had to do this.

"Nothing happened, we're done here," Regulus said, walking away from his brother with Evan and Barty in tow.

He was trying hard not to let the tears fall. He couldn't break down and cry, he couldn't show weakness. He missed James. He missed Sirius. He missed Remus. And yet, each time he sees his grandfather he hopes that he can block him out of his mind, and every time, when it doesn't work, his grandfather finds an excuse to upset him.

"The Dark Lord will hurt everyone you care about, if he finds out that you aren't truly loyal."

"Your only loyalty is to the House of Black."

"Are you alright?" Evan asked, and Regulus nodded.

"I'm fine, thank you," he replied, trying to clear his mind.

It'd be Christmas in another couple of months, and he wondered if he would have to go home this year. He shouldn't be expecting to stay at the Potters this time.

Not after what he had just said to Sirius.

OoO

A couple of days later, Regulus found himself sitting where he and James used to meet. It was evening and getting a little close to curfew, but he didn't care. It was getting too much, it was all getting too much. He didn't know how much more he could take, and it was only his second year.

He was trying his hardest not to cry and break down. But he could only hold himself up for so long.

"Reggie?" Regulus turned to see James strolling towards him and only then did Regulus let the tears fall. He hadn't forgiven himself for pushing Sirius away, for pushing his true friends away.

James jogged over to him and wrapped his arms around Regulus, who hugged him back, trying to hide his face as he cried into James's shoulder.

"I'm sorry," Regulus said brokenly, after a few minutes.

"You don't need to apologise," James murmured.

"I do, I do. I can't do it anymore, I'm not strong enough." Regulus sniffed and didn't bother wiping his eyes as he let the tears fall down his cheeks.

"Reggie, listen to me. You're strong, and you'll get through this. I wish you hadn't blocked me out like that, but I understand why you did." His voice was soft and understanding, which made Regulus cry harder into his shoulder. "Just promise me you won't do it again?" James asked, his voice hopeful.

Regulus didn't even need to think. "I won't, I promise," he said, "I… I missed you."

"I missed you too, more than you know," James murmured, and Regulus frowned as the tears finally stopped falling. What did he mean by that?

"I'm sorry," Regulus muttered again, and James chuckled lightly, kissing him on the forehead softly. There was a funny feeling in his stomach as he did, and he smiled, his cheeks tinting pink.

"You've said that already, little star. So, I've heard of your trio, rumours have it, that you left the Marauders for them," James said jokingly, and Regulus blinked as he wiped his eyes.

"Am I still a Marauder?" he asked quietly, and James frowned at him.

"Why would you ask that?"

"Because… Because of Sirius -"

" - Sirius didn't believe you," James interrupted, much to the relief of Regulus. "He won't give up on you that easily, Reggie. So, don't you dare try to use this whole thing as an excuse not to come to us at Christmas!"

"But…" Regulus started, trying to wrap his head around everything.

"No. No excuses, I mean it, Reggie," James said, interrupting him again, and Regulus gave up as he didn't pull away from James's hold.

When he was with James, it was different than being with anyone else. The warm feeling he got when he was in James's arms made his worries seem to vanish. Well, not completely, but he didn't think about it while James was there. He was different.

And he wouldn't let James go again, never again.

No matter what his grandfather told him.

When he got to his dormitory a little while later, sneaking in, he saw that he had two letters on his bedside table. Frowning, he recognised the handwriting straight away. One was from his mother, and the other was from his grandfather.

Great. He had just had a breakdown in front of James, and now, he had to see what his delightful family had to say to him? What a great way to end the day.

Regulus,

Well done, I knew you had it in you to put the family first and finally separate from your brother for good. Making ties with Rosier and Crouch, and making the Black family powerful again.

We can count on you, son. You've proven to us that you're a true Black.

Regulus's mouth fell open slightly from shock. He didn't feel good. He didn't feel good at all.

The next part of the plan is now in motion.

A.B

He thought back to the day he first got sorted into Ravenclaw and how relieved he was to not be in Slytherin. How he still had hope for him and Sirius to go back to the way they were, before his parents got in the way.

In order to gain Sirius's trust again, in order to keep being brothers, Regulus couldn't keep lying to him. Avoiding him.

He had to tell Sirius.

He had to tell him everything.