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by Bossey

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1. 1

Chapter 1: love to win

Notes:

i started writing this while i was reading Choices. mainly this exists bc i wanted to cheer myself up. this is nothing but a silly, little fic about silly boys falling in love with some forgiveness on the side. of course, there will be some references to the child abuse but nothing is too detailed bc i want happy!!!

homophobia doesn't exist in this au either.

i used the multiple pov tag but its mainly james' pov with occasional small fragments of regulus' memories.

this fic is pretty much finished, i just have to edit it... dont look at my grammar mistakes or i'll cry.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

There was a calendar on his wooden desk and he had become obsessed with it. It was the kind that had small pictures of a player of Ballycastle Bats for each month. It was his favourite Quidditch team but that wasn't the reason why he kept flipping its pages. He had been waiting for a specific day to arrive. And it finally did.

He had circled today's date with black ink nearly three months ago. All that waiting had been torturous but he knew it would be worth it because finally, his brother was coming home from Hogwarts. Soon they would be together again.

A door opened then closed and his body stiffened up, his heart fluttering in his chest like a frightened bird.

It might be his mother. He considered hiding in the small place between the wall and his wardrobe. He quickly decided against it because she always found him and then it hurt more. Instead, he crossed his arm before his chest, hugging himself. He saw Sirius doing it when he was trying to put a brave act in front of their father. The gesture made him look taller and more confident somehow so naturally Reglus mimicked him.

His bedroom door opened and everything happened so fast. Sirius flew at him, his arms circling Regulus and squeezing him like he was his favourite toy. He didn't mind it at all because it entirely distracted him from the tears that were streaming down his face.

He had so many questions to ask about Hogwarts but he could barely speak as Sirius immediately started telling him about ALL the friends that he made. This set the trend for the rest of summer because when it was just the two of them all Sirius would wanna talk about was his mates. By the end, Regulus felt like he knew them all personally without having to ever meet them.

However, there was one person that stuck out the most: James Potter. He didn't have to ask who was his best friend because it was all James, James, James. Regulus found himself caught between being jealous of how much Sirius liked him and wanting to become friends with James. His dreams of ever becoming close with him shattered into many pieces during one dinner when his mother ordered him to get into Slytherin and to only befriend students of the highest calibre, whatever that meant. He just nodded obediently without really understanding what she meant. He couldn't fully focus on his mother because from the corner of his eyes he was watching Sirius, his fist was shaking slightly and his face was getting redder by the second. Regulus knew that soon enough another argument would occur and then a punishment so as soon as his mother's cold eyes left him to look at her other son, he hurried up to his room.

That night he decided he would do as his mother said and he would get into Slytherin and make all the right friends. He didn't want to receive the same punishment that Sirius was getting from getting into the wrong House. He didn't need Sirius to make friends anyway. He could make his own and he would!

A few weeks later when he found himself sitting on the Hogwarts Express with other First year students, he heard the loud laughter of his brother, accompanied by other foreign voices. Unconsciously he squirmed in his seat but turned his head away from the door so he couldn't even accidentally steal a glance at Sirius or his friends. He knew it was childish. He couldn't avoid them forever but he could try.

The cold wind of the summer caressed their skin but they felt so overheated from the alcohol that it felt like a blessing. James wasn't sure how long they had been laying on the grass - just the two of them, lost in their own world - but judging from the fact that there was no light emanating from his parents' bedroom, it must have been quite late. Not that he minded, spending time with Sirius was not something he could get tired of. When Sirius and Remus first started dating, there was a fear in him that his best friend would surely prefer his boyfriend's company over his but… Barely anything changed. Sure, sometimes they would disappear but James never once felt excluded or unwanted by either of them.

Now here they were. Two weeks before they started their last year at Hogwarts.

James felt exhilarated at the thought of making this year their best. It had to be memorable. He had thought a lot about what they could do but they'd done so much that it was hard to come up with something new, original and exciting. He didn't need to come up with a plan alone though. He might be biassed but drunk Sirius always had the best ideas.

"Is there something that you regret?" James spoke suddenly, turning his head towards the other boy next to him. Sirius kept looking up at the stars, his cheeks looking visibly red even in the darkness.

"What?"

"Is there something that you regret that we didn't do?" He asked again. "In Hogwarts?" Sirius pressed his hands to his face, making a weird grunting-whining noise then turned away from James.

"Why are you asking me this now?"

"Aww. Come on, mate! Play along, please! You must have imagined some things happening but then it never did."

"Like you dating Lily Evans?"

The exaggerated gasp that left James' mouth made Sirius chuckle and he turned back to take a look at his friend's face. "No! Not like that. I tried to make that happen but I'm thinking about something you haven't had the chance to try."

"I'm pretty sure that we discovered all the secrets of the school, annoyed all the ghosts and pulled almost enough pranks on unsuspecting students. Hard to say what we haven't done yet." After a moment of silence, he added, "Would be bloody amazing if Gryffindor won the Quidditch Cup."

"Don't get me wrong, because I agree but why? You and Remus only care about Quidditch because I'm on the team," James had known for a while that his friends were emotionally invested in the game because of him. As soon as he wasn't playing, they weren't excited about it anymore. It was kind of endearing, to be honest.

"That is not my only reason," Sirius argued stubbornly.

"Oh, really? Why else would you come then?" James waited for the answer but he only received silence from his friend so he turned towards him, putting his arm under his head and immediately recognized the face that Sirius was making. It was his famous "should-I-say-it?" face. James had seen him doing it whenever he was about to confess something embarrassing and something horrible "Spill it, Black! We don't have all night."

Sirius let out a dramatic groan at that but looked into James' eyes anyway. "Whenever you pulled some crazy move or scored a point, Remus would go so excited and happy that… he would just throw his arms around me and hug me so tightly. And I liked that."

To his credit, James really tried to hold back his laughter but the pathetic look on Sirius' face broke him and it burst out of him. He only stopped because of the gradually more painful slaps that he received on his arms. "I-I can't believe this—, Merlin, you have it so bad You guys hugged casually all the time even before you started dating each other. You didn't need me to win to get one."

"I'll have you know that 'casual hugs' and 'oh-my-god-Prongs-did-it hugs' are very different. There's so much more… adrenalin and— and passion, you know?"

"Can't say I do since I had no idea this was your ulterior motive," James shrugged, trying to sound nonchalant. He couldn't help but be a little bit impressed by his friend's eagerness to take every opportunity that was presented to him. James only wished he knew what it felt like to be wanted so badly, in a romantic sense. "What will you do if I win the Cup for you? Get on your knees and propose to Remus? Or propose to me?" Another fit of laughter threatened to burst out of him as he witnessed Sirius' face turn into an even darker red.

"Put a sock in it, Prongs!"

"Now I have to win it. I can't ruin your plan—"

"There's no plan of engagement!" Sirius looked furious but then his expression quickly changed to something much more dangerous: mocking. "Besides, how many times have Griffyndor won the House Cup since you joined the team?"

James stared at him, eyebrows pinched together. This was a low blow, unfair even.

"Zero," He muttered.

"Exactly! You can't win it. You won't!" Sirius replied confidently, jutting his chin out and crossing his arms over his chest. James thought Sirius - just like the rest of them - sucked at Divination so judging by that fact alone, James could sooo win the Cup. He had no real proof that he couldn't.

"Yes, I will and you will see it with your own eyes," James promised, just as confidently. "I want to remind you that we have come very close to winning it. Twice!"

"Almost winning isn't the same as winning, baby." The smirk on Sirius' face only made him want to win even more. "I remember why we didn't win last time."

"Don't!"

"Your Seeker failed to catch the snitch in that one game against Slytherin because Regulus, who was their new Seeker at the time, was faster than her." It was rare for Sirius to casually bring up his brother in a conversation, most of the time he pretended like they were nothing to each other. This was the sign for James to bow down his head and let it go.

"Fine. You're right," James sighed in defeat. "I'm still going to try to win it this year though. I swear it." He held out his little finger towards Sirius, who immediately linked their fingers around each other.

"I can't wait to see you try." Their hands fell back to the ground, which started to feel colder by the minute and James' head felt lighter and clearer as the alcohol was losing its effect on him. As the captain of their team, he needed to come up with the best exercise plan there ever was so he decided to start working on it as soon as the sun came up. Maybe he would watch reruns of his favourite team's wins and then analyse it until he discovered every trick and strategy they used. James always had his obsessions. Sometimes they were totally unexpected interests (like wizard's chess) and sometimes they were obvious ones (like his friends). He quite enjoyed Quidditch but he was never obsessed with it per se. That was about to change, thanks to Sirius.

"You are right though. I used to imagine, or more like I had hoped that—," Sirius inhaled deeply then exhaled. "I had hoped that maybe Regulus would be sorted into Gryffindor too, you know? That we could be normal brothers while we are at Hogwarts. I know I was stupid for hoping but…" James stared at his friend, his chest tightening with complicated emotions he couldn't describe. Was it the alcohol making Sirius say all this or did he want to talk about this for a long time? James always encouraged him to talk about his emotions and thoughts and he did but Sirius avoided the topic of Regulus. They had fought after he ran away and ever since that happened, they tried to not cross paths as much as possible. James had no idea if it was the right approach but things were so messy between them that he hesitated to bring it up. Maybe he should've.

"He doesn't look very Gryffindor-y to me."

Sirius let out a weak chuckle. "No, he doesn't and maybe that's fine."

"You don't have to be fine with it, if you don't want to," James said tentatively as Sirius turned his head to look at him, uncertainty radiating from his eyes. "I mean, we had so many fights. You and Moony did too. We worked it out in the end and it hasn't always been easy, right? Er, think about the Fourth year! We didn't speak to each other for 2 weeks but we are still best mates."

"It's just not the same, James," he shook his head, screwing his eyes shut for a second. "I made my choice when I left and so did he when he stayed."

"What if he changed his mind?"

"He didn't."

"How would you know? Did you ask? Would he come to you and tell you? Or would he be too stubborn to admit that he was wrong?"

"I regret bringing this up." Suddenly, Sirius sat up and so did James, placing his hand on his shoulder.

"Pads, I only want the best for you and I think if you want your brother back, you should do something about it. Even if there's only a tiny chance that you two could make amends, it'd be worth it. If it doesn't work out then you can say that you did everything that you could and you won't be hunted by the possibilities of what could have been when you are 30 and balding." His best friend's hand immediately shot up, carefully touching his long, dark hair with a scandalised look on his face. At least he wasn't wearing that sad expression anymore.

"I am feeling so many things right now," Sirius uttered. "Firstly, it's very lovely that you think Regulus is a person who just forgives. Secondly, stop giving me false hope because that's just cruel. The chances are low that he wants to have a civil conversation with me. Thirdly, I will not be bald when I'm 30 and I'm appalled that you would say that to me."

"Don't get your knickers in a twist! I was joking about that part but I meant the other bits," James smiled at him sincerely, hoping that Sirius would just let the bald comment go. As far as he knew, Orion Black, despite being in his fifties, wasn't bald so his son wouldn't be either. Abruptly, an invisible light bulb lit up above James' head. "Do you want me to be your— Matchmaker? Mediator? Conciliator?"

"Be my what now?"

"I think I could convince your brother that it's in his best interest to become cordial with you again." Just like winning the Quidditch cup, he had no real idea how to accomplish winning over Regulus, but like the fool he was, James offered it anyway. He wasn't a coward who would back down from a challenge. He was in Gryffindor for a reason.

"I have to ask. Are you some sort of masochist?" Sirius smiled at him because he thought James was ridiculous and James smiled back at him because he liked seeing him happy. His soft spot for his friend always made him do stupid things and he wasn't about to break the habit.

He shook his head. "That would be a no."

"Just a fool then."

"A fool for you."

"Back off, Potter! I'm a taken man."

"A shame, truly," He received a light punch to the shoulder. "My offer is sincere."

"They always are," Sirius said simply. "I guess you can try if you want to but I'm telling you that as soon as we are on the train I'm filling in Remus and Peter on your idiot plans so they can laugh at you for being an overachieving arse."

"I'm absolutely sure that I'll have Wormy's full support on this. He supports all of my ideas." This was mostly true. Seldom would Peter doubt him or his plans but when he did, James knew immediately that they were too much, that he went too far.

"I guess we have to wait and see."

James lifted his gaze up, focusing on the brightest star that resided in the sky, and hoped that his ambitions weren't leading him toward dangerous territories. The last thing he wanted was to ruin their last year but Sirius was right. They would have towait and see.

James's eyes dart from one Black brother to the other, considering their similarities and differences. They were in the Great Hall and Sirius was sitting in front of him, his eyes skimming the lines of a book, his eyebrows pinched in frustration. It was the third edition of a Rune Dictionary . Funny thing was that he wasn't taking the Ancient Rune class, Remus did and yet Sirius was reading it as if his life depended on it.

Even when he was bending over a book, his presence felt big just like his brother's. However, Sirius demanded people's attention, while people (especially younger girls) were too nervous to look in Regulus' direction. James wasn't one of those people though. He stared at him without any ounce of shame, inspecting the way he sat at the Slytherin table with an open textbook in front of him, his hand fiddling with a quill. He was staring blankly, his gaze empty but sharp. Perhaps he was waiting for one of his friends to finish their work but James didn't waste time thinking about this.

He already put together his team's exercise plan but he had no idea how to get Regulus to be willing to fix his and Sirius' relationship. He assumed that he was probably as stubborn as his brother so it would not be easy. He needed to come up with the perfect strategy. He looked at the parchment paper in front of him, grabbed his quill, and started writing.

OPERATION: missing fudge flies

Befriend Regulus

James glared at the paper and then glared harder. Befriending someone was never an issue for James but he doubted that his usual charm would work on him too. He needed to find something that they both had in common, a topic that they both liked. The most obvious answer to this was Quidditch since they were both on the team. Sure, it was opposing teams but it was worth the shot.

He started to realise that he didn't know much about the boy. Altogether they had exchanged words four times, they all were short conversations that ended abruptly. The first time he talked to Regulus was during his Second Year, while James was walking out of potion class, he accidentally ran into the younger boy, who bounced off him and would've hit the floor if James hadn't caught him at the last second. As a thank you, he had received an insult and a mean glare. Technically it wasn't much of a conversation but James counted it because he still remembered his own surprise at those hostile words.

The second time he had found Regulus sitting at the Gryffindor table, waiting for Sirius to show up. Apparently, he had something important to discuss with his older brother. He had refused to tell James anything about it but answered his other questions in two or three-word sentences. That was the first time James had truly wondered what it was like to live at 12 Grimmauld Place.

The third time James was late from one of his classes, running through the entire school when something had caught his eye. It was Regulus, laying on a stone bench, sleeping peacefully. For a second James had thought about leaving him there since Regulus surely wouldn't go out of his way to wake him up if the situation was reversed. He had decided to shake him awake by the shoulder. James had expected to get a bunch of insults but all he had gotten was a tired look and a soft, raspy thank you before Regulus had got up and started walking in the other direction. James was so stunned that he had almost forgotten that he had a lesson to attend to too. He ended up being 10 minutes late, which cost him 5 points. He wasn't sure if it was worth it or not.

The fourth time was a few weeks after Sirius and Regulus' big fight. James had fights with his parents and his friends but he had never seen an argument like this one. The anger was painted on their faces so clearly and they were just hurling vicious words at each other. Sirius told him later that he regretted saying some of the things that he said but he wouldn't apologise to Regulus or go back to his family. It was a huge relief to hear that. Not that James would've let him go back there. Sirius belonged to him and his parents now and nobody could take him from them.

Sirius' anger affected him quite a bit so the next time he saw Regulus, he had cornered him. James had asked him if he was proud of himself and his family. If losing Sirius was worth it. If Regulus was happier now. The other boy had stared at him with thinly veiled dislike and said: "You have no idea what you're talking about", before storming off.

So, he didn't have much to go on. During the first year, Sirius used to talk about Regulus like he talked about James now. He must've dropped vital information about his brother's hobbies but it had been way too many years to remember that. Instead, he decided to add topics he could try to talk about.

Befriend Regulus Topics: Quidditch, School???, Books (Seen him read A Journey to the End of Time once) BUT avoid mentioning Sirius for the first few times!

Win his trust!

Encourage him to talk to Sirius

Encourage Sirius to talk to Regulus

They make amends

Problem solved?

He looked at the paper one final time before lifting his gaze towards Regulus again. He was still in the same position. A ray of sunlight shined on his hand, making his silver rings glisten and James' attention shifted to them immediately. There were two rings on his left hand and three on the other. Some were simple and thin and the others were bigger with green gemstones in them. James had seen him wearing countless rings before but something felt off today. Something was missing but before he could figure out what it was, Regulus suddenly caught his gaze. The other boy's grey eyes felt like cold water running down his spine, making his heart flutter in his chest. Then Regulus stood up, gathered his book, and disappeared, leaving James to wonder about what the hell just happened.

"-ames?" He faintly heard his name being called so he turned toward the voice and found Remus looking at him with his head tilted to the side.

"I'm here, yeah!" James slid the paper into his pocket quickly. "Alright?"

"Yeah. What were you doing?" Remus asked curiously. Peter and Sirius looked up from their books too.

"Plotting," James answered simply and honestly. Sirius started chuckling, hiding his mouth behind his hand to muffle the sound.

"Oh, I almost forgot to tell you two," Sirius smiled. "Prongs got himself two new projects."

"Projects? You're not going to focus on your exams?" Peter questioned.

"I can multitask," James promised. Oftentimes he found that one thing wasn't enough for him. When he had several things planned for the future, his attention held onto those tasks and his mind wouldn't wonder. He guessed other people's brains worked differently.

"So, tell us then," Remus encouraged him with a small smile and that was enough for James to jump into his rant.

"Firstly, Gyffrrindor is going to win the Quidditch Cup this year," James stated with conviction. "I studied every game won by the Holyhead Harpies and the Wimbourne Wasps," Peter made a face at the mention of the two teams and James immediately held up his hands in front of him defensively. "No, Listen! Our Beaters have some weaknesses that we need to work on and the Harpies have the best beaters! They were unstoppable against the Appleby Arrows."

"They didn't win though," Peter objected.

"But that wasn't the beaters' fault," James argued. "Their Seeker is rubbish! On the other hand, the Wasps' Seeker is brilliant, which is why I watched their last seven games."

"So you studied these team strengths, yeah?" Remus mused, touching his middle finger to his lower lip. "Smart enough."

"Prongs is probably better than any other Chaser but," Sirius said, making James beam at him. "One person doesn't make a team."

"But sometimes all you need to win a game is to have one really good player."

"Marlene might question your methods."

"I expect her to do that but," James let out a big sigh. "I've done a lot of thinking and perhaps I have been too arrogant. As the captain, perhaps I should've listened to Marlene's suggestions more and then we could've won last year. I can't change what happened in the past but I will talk to her separately and see what she thinks about my plans. She worked the hardest to get on the team anyway so I should hear her out… Yeah." There was a mixture of shock, fascination, and amazement on his friends' faces and it made James want to hide his face in his hands. A few years ago he had realised his cocky behaviour was hardly something that made him seem like a good person and he made a promise to himself to change because his actions hurt people without meaning to. It was a terrible realisation. He had thought about all the times that he stepped over lines and pushed people's boundaries and he wanted to do better. He didn't think himself a bad person and he wanted others to see that too. He never specifically thought that this might have affected his own and his teammates' performance during Quidditch matches until he saw how differently the Harpies' captain acted from him.

"Huh," Sirius breathed.

"I believe in you," Peter grinned at him, lifting his hand to make a thumbs-up.

"I'm sure your team will appreciate it," Remus said thoughtfully. "Marlene wants the best for your team too so I don't see how she wouldn't wanna help you."

James bit his lower lips to try to hide his smile and forced himself to not look away. Admitting that he was in the wrong wasn't easy for him but he wanted to get better at it. "Thank you! Our first training lesson is tomorrow and I don't think I've ever been this excited to attend one."

"Cheers, mate! You're gonna be terrific as always," As he said that Sirius had that fond look in his eyes that made James feel special. "Now tell them about your other pet project!

"I'm gonna convince Regulus to make peace with Pads." As expected, both Remus and Peter turned to look at Sirius with something akin to consternation on their faces.

"What?" They both asked.

"And it wasn't entirely my idea. I mean— It kind of was but also— no," James explained, squinting at them unsurely.

"How do you feel about this?" Remus inquired. His voice was slightly lower, hushed. James had noticed a while ago that sometimes Remus would change his tone when he was talking to Sirius. He wasn't sure if he knew he was doing this.

His best friend made a soft humming noise before answering. "I want James to fail but I want him to succeed. I want my little brother back but I want nothing to do with him. I want to have a normal conversation with Reg but I don't want—," Sirius made a wild hand gesture in the air like he didn't know what to do with himself and with everything that he was feeling all at once. "This might be the last time we are physically this close to each other." That sentence felt like a punch because Sirius thought he might not see his brother after he graduated from Hogwarts.

"You still care about him," Remus said carefully like he was just putting things together. It was understandable. Neither of them really understood the complexity of Sirius' feelings for his family. When he complained, it was mostly about his parents but ever since he ran away that died down naturally. Nobody brought it up because they didn't want to hurt him with the unpleasant memories any further. They just trusted that he would bring it up himself.

Sirius tilted his head left then right before he sat up a little straighter, crossing his arms in front of his chest, and suddenly he felt a little distant. "I guess."

Remus met James' gaze for a second before looking back at his boyfriend. "You never said anything."

"I don't know how to talk about this," Sirius confessed honestly. "Or how to bring it up. It feels so heavy."

"If it feels heavy, we'll help you carry it." Peter had a way of phrasing things that made it sound so simple but he was right, wasn't he? They always carried each other's burdens. It started with Moony but it didn't end with him.

Sirius smiled weakly. "I know that. I was thinking about telling you that this has been on my mind recently but it never felt like the right time. Then Prongs was asking me his usual stupid questions—."

"Oi!"

"And it felt like the right time to mention it. I swear I didn't mean to keep it from you." Despite how defensive Sirius sounded, neither of them was upset. There was no reason for him to worry about that and James thought that Sirius knew that when Remus slipped a hand around him, pulling him closer. "Even after he was sorted into Slytherin, I thought he would sit with us sometimes. Here!" Sirius said, pointing at the currently empty seat next to him. James looked at that empty spot and then at Regulus' usual spot. The distance had never felt quite so far.

"You think that James can help him warm up to you again?" Peter asked curiously.

"Yeah, he's my best bet, in fact," Sirius answered, leaning closer to Remus until his head was resting on his shoulder. "James has been known to do impossible things."

"I can help too if you need!" Remus offered wholeheartedly.

"I might need you," James nodded. "But, first, I have to do the groundwork." People around them started packing their things, making James look down at his watch. It's a simple but expensive one that he got from his father when he turned fifteen. He only took it off when he was playing Quidditch. "We can talk about this later. Our Ancient studies is starting soon so we should leave if we don't want to get detention in the first week."

"Merlin, no. Moony and I have a bet on how long I can go without getting detention." Sirius informed them while grabbing his books from the table as they all did. James and Peter laughed.

"What is your bet, Moony?" Peter asked.

"A month… at most," James thought that was way too generous. He would've bet a week.

"I can easily stay out of trouble for more than a month. It's not that hard."

"A leopard can't change its spots,"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, you know…"

For the rest of the day, James kept seeing Regulus everywhere. He wondered if they always used to cross paths this much or if he had just become highly conscious of his presence. He had no answer to that but it did make him feel bad that Sirius might've had to see his brother so many times and suffer in silence. James wanted to just walk up to Regulus and start a conversation but like his best friend said the timing always felt off. Each time he would be with one or two people but never alone. It frustrated James because he couldn't just walk up to a bunch of Slytherins. It would only invite trouble and that was the opposite of what he wanted. He needed to find an opportunity when no one was around Regulus.

That day just wasn't his lucky day. The first time he was with Evan Rosier, reading Choice of Paradise , and the second time, he was having a conversation with Pandora. The only good thing was that he knew the title of the book he was reading and made sure to borrow it from the library. It made him feel weirdly nostalgic because James used to borrow books that Lily was reading then he read them too so he could strike up a conversation about it later. It worked for a while. She got excited to discuss the books at first but then she grew suspicious because James always read the same books as her. He wasn't reading other books for fun because he didn't really like reading that much. It was fun, he especially liked reading romance books but he'd rather spend his time doing other things so he got caught in a lie and stopped pretending. It felt foolish to do the same exact thing for the second time.

It all felt so silly yet so important.

Sirius pointing at the empty seat next to him got stuck in James' mind. It kept replaying. He saw it even when his eyes were shut. He didn't like seeing that sad expression on his friend's face. He so desperately wanted to make him happy.

There really wasn't anything he wouldn't do for him.

He looks ordinary, Regulus thought.

That was what he thought when he first saw James Potter. Ordinary in the way that every other rich pure-blood kid was. His hair, his face, his smile… It was all perfect but not extraordinary. The way Sirius had described James led Regulus to think that James didn't walk but levitated a few centimetres above the ground. That he didn't eat because his friends' love sustained him. That his jokes could make one laugh for hours.

He watched the way Sirius and James walked next to each other, shoulders brushing and laughing at something one of them said. Regulus felt his own bitterness in his stomach and held his books tighter.

He was just a boy.

He wasn't better than him.

He was the first one to arrive and change into his Quidditch uniform. He was too excited to just sit around and study when he could just arrive thirty minutes earlier and do absolutely nothing. His nerves and anticipation kept him on the edge of his seat and he couldn't bring himself to act otherwise. He also knew that Marlene usually arrived the earliest out of all of them and was hoping that he could talk to her before the first session.

They had a history of butting heads since James became the captain a few years ago but it was nothing too serious. They both said some mean things to each other from time to time but they always forgot it by the next day. The disappointment that came with a lost game could make people say things that they didn't mean. The next day they would always share a quick glance and nod at each other and everything was forgotten. So James wasn't worried about anything.

He got tired of waiting inside so he went out to the field and looked up at the sky. There were patchy, thin clouds moving along with the wind and the sun softly shining behind them.

No rain today , James thought.

He disliked playing in a wet uniform so much. He felt pathetic with the way his hair stuck to his face and his shirt clung to his body but most of the time he just had to take it.

He placed his broom down on the ground and started stretching. He couldn't afford to get injured. One little mistake could upset all his plans and he could kiss his victory goodbye. That was the last thing that he wanted.

He started focusing on his arm muscles when a door behind him opened and closed.

"So early today," Marlene said somewhat shocked.

James grinned at her with his most charming smile. "All because I was trying to catch you early today. I want to talk to you about something."

She scoffed. "You are our best Chaser so I hope that it wasn't too hard for you." She stopped next to him and started stretching. "So, what's up, Potter?"

"I wanted to ask you if you're interested in being my unofficial co-captain so we can finally take home that bloody Cup." Whatever she was expecting him to say wasn't one of the options in her head because she froze, her arms awkwardly hovered above her head and her eyes grew twice their size. With her blonde hair, she sort of looked like a scared Irish Phoenix that was about to take flight. James tried his best not to think about that.

"Co-captain? Me?" She asked like she thought she misheard him.

"Yeah," James shrugged. "I want to be honest with you, okay? I realised many of your previous suggestions were… smart and I ignored them like a fool. I want to change that. This is our last chance at winning and I don't want to lose because I was too stubborn to listen to you. If we lose then—, At least, we should give our best."

Marlene beamed at him and stepped closer to slap him on the shoulder. Hard.

"Ouch!"

"This side of you, I like, James! Of course, I'll be your unofficial co-captain!" She announced happily. "I'm glad you can finally see what I can bring to the team."

"It's not that I didn't see it before. I was just being delusional about it," James admitted. It was common knowledge that the two of them were one of the greatest of their team so he wasn't about to pretend like he didn't know that. "Anyway, I made notes of my ideas. I'll give them to you after practice so you can review them."

"Great!" she answered. "Didn't think I would do an additional reading for Quidditch but I'll read your nearly illegible scribbles."

"I think you will be shocked to find that my penmanship is exceedingly neat and graceful."

"If the way you steer your broom is sloppy then so is your writing," Marlene shot back immediately. James narrowed his eyes at her and she did the same. She was testing him if he could take criticism.

"In that case, I'll pay more attention to it and hope that as my skill in steering becomes better so will my handwriting," he answered quite proudly at himself for being so diplomatic. She smiled mischievously at him.

"I already feel like we are a much better team," she informed him. "Buuuut, we could do something outside of practice too! As a team building exercise. I know we all know each other well but something fun wouldn't hurt to try."

James didn't think of this before.

"Like a party?"

"It can be other fun things too. I feel like we get so tense that we forget to have fun. It's important to turn off your Quidditch brain sometimes and just enjoy being with your teammates." There were a lot of truths in what she was saying, he had to give her that. Because they were all friends, they never sought out any ways to bond, and trusting each other was very important.

"Okay. Good suggestion! I'll come up with something. But—, yeah, you should too. If you have any idea what we could do. Let me know!"

"Actually…"

"Yes?"

"I heard you like chess."

"I play with my dad from time to time."

"Please, I know you're more than good," she said. "You beat Barty Crouch in the Fourth Year. If you teach me your ways, we could organise a friendly competition." It was a long time ago but he remembered that game. He had thought it would end in a draw but ended up surprising himself by winning it.

"You know that I'll win, right?"

"It's not about who will win. It's about the," she stopped mid-sentence and threw her hands up, wiggling her fingers. "Bonding!"

"Right. Chess can be really competitive though. Are you absolutely sure it won't hurt the team after I destroy all of you?"

"It's competitive because you make it competitive."

"Uhh, winning is the goal."

"Bonding is the goal."

"Right."

"This whole concept is not easy for you to understand, huh?" She joked.

"I understand it well enough," He sighed. Quidditch and chess were about winning. If he didn't want to win, there was no point in playing it.

"Well, just think about it! I think it's a good idea."

Their conversation didn't last much longer as the others started to arrive one by one. After everyone was done with the stretching, James gave a quick speech about devotion to the art of Quidditch and the resilience they would need to win against each House. He introduced the first major change to their practices which was morning runs at 6 am, every other day. As expected, audible groans filled the air and James quickly started explaining how their physical strength was important and that last year it was nowhere near as good as it could've been. A forty-minute run before breakfast would be very beneficial for them. Professional teams had implemented similar things too so James was positive it wouldn't harm anyone. He loved waking up early and although he never used his early hours to work out, he knew it would become something he would look forward to.

Then, finally, the first practice started. James spent a considerable amount of time observing his teammates. He spent the last two weeks watching professionals and he learned a lot from them but now he needed to focus on his teammates, looking for their weaknesses. Each of them was unique in a way James hadn't noticed before. He saw them in a brand new light and cursed himself for not paying as much attention before. As expected, it was Marlene who hid her flaw the best. It took James nearly twenty minutes before he realised that she was favouring her left side, leaving her right side open and undefended. If a Slytherin noticed this, they would surely try to exploit it and knock her off her broom. Thompson was the weakest link out of all of them. It felt like he didn't trust himself or his broom to do what he wanted. James wondered if losing a chess game against him would boost his confidence. Maybe a few friendly chess games would be nice.

Time passed quickly and James was surprised by how fast the hour went by. It felt like they had a productive practice, albeit he was mostly supervising everyone. He learnt enough to add some additional comments to his notes before handing them to Marlene. He just had to remember to write them down. He was very good at remembering things but as he started walking off the field, a person walked past him, making him freeze in his steps and suddenly his plans collided.

James looked back at Regulus as he walked with his broom in his hand. Alone.

James turned back to his teammates, noticing that Marlene stopped to wait for him and was looking at him curiously. Regulus was alone. It was his perfect opportunity.

"Are you coming, James?" she asked.

"Er, go ahead! I'll see you later," he answered quickly.

"Okay. See you around, Co-captain!"

He barely heard her as he was spinning around to catch up to the other boy. It wasn't unheard of for people to practise outside their usual hours but it wasn't exactly encouraged by the professors. Regulus didn't seem to care.

"Regulus!" James shouted after him but he didn't stop or turn around. "Oi! It's very impolite to ignore people when they are trying to talk to you, you know?"

That finally did it.

Regulus turned around slowly as if it pained him to look at James, his grey eyes carefully measuring him up. James couldn't help but compare the two brothers again. Sirius had a pretty boy look about him. The sort of look that drew people in but most were afraid to reach out and try to capture him in their arms. Yet he seemed approachable. Untouchable but so inviting, like a poisonous plant. Remus seemed to not mind the taste of his poison.

Regulus, on the other hand, was beautiful, like a flower that bloomed at the wrong time and froze in the harsh snowy weather. Under his fierce stare, James thought he felt the frostbite nipping at his fingertips but that was fine. Winter was his favourite season, after all.

"It's also impolite to bother someone when they are in the middle of something," Regulus said in a rather unfriendly tone, which only made James smile. The last time they talked he did push him against the wall so he was prepared that the other boy wouldn't exactly treat him kindly.

"And what exactly are you in the middle of?" James half expected him to turn around and leave him there judging by the way Regulus was looking at him like he had three heads on his shoulders. Evidently, Regulus is quite hard to read because instead he took out something from his pocket and showed it to James. It was a golden snitch pinched between his thumb and index finger.

"Practising."

"Can I join you?"

If Regulus was surprised by the question he hid it well. The only change James noticed was the way his shoulders tensed.

"Didn't you just finish practising?" Regulus asked despite knowing the answer.

"Yeah," James shrugged. "But I could use some more. My steering is sloppy, apparently."

"It is." James suppressed the urge to let out a theatrical gasp. He wasn't expecting him to agree with him."Still—, You're a Chaser. You don't chase snitches."

"Oh, I'm good at chasing a lot of things," He let a playful smile take over his face. Silly flirty lines always worked on Sirius therefore no one could fault him for trying it out on his brother. However, James received no laugh, no eye roll, and no insult. Regulus just stared at him harder, clenching his jaw, a thin vein popping out for a brief second. Weirdly enough, James thought he looked beautiful even now. "Uh, are you trying to set me on fire?"

Regulus ignored his question. "Why should I let you practise with me?"

"Because it would benefit the both of us."

"Explain!"

"You will see all my weaknesses and you can tell your team all about them," James started. "Trying to catch the snitch at high speed is a good way to work on my steering. I can't exactly do that with my team. I would only bother my Seeker."

"So, instead you chose to bother me?"

James touched his chin with his hand, pretending to think before nodding. "Yeah! You can say no but it would be a shame to reject the opportunity to observe me from closer." James stepped closer, only half a metre distance was between them. Regulus looked like he wanted to object but he didn't.

"You're really full of yourself."

"Am I not Gryffindor's best?"

Regulus pressed his lips together. "Yes… You are."

James beamed at him, happy to hear the acknowledgment of his skill by his opponent but Regulus looked away. "Then are we doing this or not?"

"Fine but no more talking. You're wasting my time." Regulus answered. He still didn't look happy about it but it was a win, and Merlin, James loved winning. He just had to show that he wasn't a waste of time and he was confident that he could.

Regulus let the snitch go and it flew straight up. James noticed there were no rings on the other boy's fingers but before he could think about it, Regulus was flying after the snitch and James was scrambling to do the same.

James quickly learned a few things about Regulus.

One, he was incredibly good at controlling his broom. James realised that he really did need to work on his manoeuvring skill. He wasn't awful at all but Regulus seemed to be better than him. He was taking narrower turns and risky dives that almost made James's blood freeze in his veins. What was scary is that each time Regulus pulled off something dangerous, James caught him smiling. He enjoyed it.

Two, he played dirty. The first time Regulus slammed into him, he almost fell off his broom from pure shock. They were just practising. There was no need to go all out but James started to understand that Regulus didn't do things half-assed.

Three, he seemed to possess an innate sense of James' whereabouts at all times. As soon as James was ahead of him, he couldn't tell where Regulus was unless he looked back but the other simply didn't seem to have this problem. Regulus kept blocking him, cutting him off without turning around.

It was the most frustrating practice of his life and James was hooked. He almost groaned in disappointment when Regulus signalled to him that it was over. As soon as his feet touched the ground, he almost toppled over, breathing heavily and hands shaking from the adrenalin. He looked over at Regulus who was probably going through the same thing. James saw no sign of the withdrawn, cold persona.

Regulus's eyes… were sparkling like the stars in the sky. Not obnoxiously bright and blinding. No, it was a soft twinkle that made him look younger and carefree. His lips were pulled into a weak, gentle smile and his hair was all over the place, sticking to his flushed face. All of the sudden, James felt his breath stutter for a different reason. He gulped, pushing down the uncomfortable feeling in his chest.

"Was I a waste of time?" The question finally made Regulus realise that James was still there, standing not far from him. His smile immediately disappeared.

"What?" Regulus asked.

"Was I a waste of your precious time?" James tried again.

Regulus shook his head. "No, you're decent."

Decent .

The word echoed in James' head. He was way better than decent but decided not to fight him on it. Decent… was a start, a beginning. He could easily work his way up to 'brilliant' and 'amazing' in no time.

"Well, I think you were more than decent," James said honestly, not wanting to hide the fact that he was really impressed by the younger. He didn't wait for an answer. "Same time the day after tomorrow?"

"You want to do this again?" Regulus sounded genuinely shocked by the question.

"Do you not?"

"I—er—." James waited patiently as Regulus struggled to say anything. It was entertaining to see him search for the right words. "I-I don't not want to do it again."

James tilted his head to the side, confused. "Is that a yes or no?"

Regulus huffed irritably and somehow James knew his sudden anger was not directed at him."Same time then." He said simply and turned around, walking away from James quickly.

James tilted his head to the other side as he watched Regulus leave with a smile on his face. With a startle, he realised that it was getting late, he might miss dinner if he didn't hurry. He grabbed his broom and hurried back to the changing room.

James Potter was the most annoying person Regulus had ever met.

He was everywhere.

All the time.

Regulus put a lot of effort into not paying attention to Sirius and his friends but he failed over and over again because of James Potter.

It always happened the exact same way: James drew his attention towards them and then he ended up staring at his older brother bitterly, wishing for something he couldn't explain. Something he couldn't put into words.

It wasn't fair.

He tried so hard to act like he didn't care but he couldn't fool himself. He watched when they ate breakfast. He watched them celebrate when Gryffindor won a Quidditch match. He watched them mopping up a corridor as a punishment for some prank they pulled. He watched them have fun.

It hurt but it wasn't like he didn't have friends. He did. Yet it always felt like something was missing.

That something was hidden in James' fist, his arms, his pocket, the corner of his smile. Regulus would bet his fortune on it.

James's head hit the pillow, arms spread widely on his bed as he sucked in a deep satisfying breath. The others were in their dorm too. Peter was scribbling something in his notebook while Remus and Sirius were sitting in front of each other on Sirius' bed, arguing about something unimportant. James turned his head to look at them quarrel. Sirius was leaning heavily into his boyfriend's personal space which was funny. They couldn't stay away from each other even in moments like this. They were like magnets or puzzle pieces.

James was certain that even if they didn't meet in Hogwarts, they would have found each other anyway. He always thought that people who were meant to be would meet and fall in love even if life put obstacles in their way. Remus and Sirius most certainly had their issues but here they were, happy and infatuated.

Due to his parents, James was always a bit of a romantic at heart but he only realised how many different forms love can take after he started attending Hogwarts. The love between him and Sirius felt like a precious once in lifetime bond. His parents' love was bright and understanding. Sirius and Remus' love fluctuated between addictive and tense. His one-sided affection towards Lily was bittersweet but exciting. In moments like this, he wondered if he ever fell in love with someone again, what would that feel like? He couldn't imagine it but he hoped it would be a requited love this time.

James looked at the ceiling, studying the glow-in-the-dark stars that they stuck there during their first year. Some of them were stuck in one place, never moving, while others were like real shooting stars.

"I talked to Regulus today," he announced nonchalantly, and as expected everyone got quiet, turning towards him immediately.

"When?" Sirius asked.

"Before dinner. To be completely honest, we played Quidditch and talked," James quickly corrected himself, not wanting to hold back any details from his friends.

"Really?" Sirius sounded genuinely surprised and James almost took offence to that. Was it that hard to believe?

"How did it go?" Remus inquired eagerly.

"It was… better than expected. He didn't try to hex me but he did tell me to stop talking." James turned his head towards his friends and realised that Sirius didn't just sound surprised but he was also looking at James like he couldn't believe his ears. What kind of reaction was he expecting from Regulus to be so shocked to hear this?

"That's reasonable," Peter said but then quickly added, "I meant—, I mean, considering that you are Pads's best friends, that's not a bad thing. He could've refused to talk to you or—, or could've picked a fight with you."

"I guess I had a misconception about him," Sirius admitted, looking down at his hands.

"What do you mean?" Remus asked gently.

"I laughed at Prongs's idea because I thought Regulus would want nothing to do with either of us. But he played Quidditch with him, Moony! Quidditch!" Sirius said, gesturing towards James.

"And he agreed to do it again," James added quickly.

"He agreed!!" Sirius repeated the words much louder. "Is that a good sign?"

James was hesitant to answer this question because he had no idea what it meant. Regulus was willing to talk to him a little but that was quite far from reconciliation with his brother. Merlin, he wanted to say yes but he didn't want to give him false hope. He didn't want to hurt Sirius in case he was wrong about this.

Peter ended up answering instead of him. "Only time can tell, Pads."

"Yeah, Wormy is right. Besides, I thought you said that Prongs is your best bet, right?"

"I know but I keep thinking 'this is impossible' and 'nothing is impossible for Jamie'. I-I feel anxious. Do I really want it? Would it be worth it? I feel like I don't remember what it's like to be a brother anymore. What if I screw it up, Moony? Everything in here," Sirius pointed at his head with his index finger, "is so… messy. Chaotic even." The words tumbled out of Sirius' mouth in an unorganised mess. James felt he could pick apart at least three different trains of thought from this one rant. Did it even make sense? It kind of did and kind of not. Sirius was like that sometimes.

"And that's okay," Remus said reassuringly. "You should tell us how you feel and we can help you in any way you want."

Sirius shook his head. "Yeah, maybe, but I'm exhausted. Let's talk about this later, yeah?"

"Are you sure?" Peter asked.

Sirius nodded as he reached for his blanket. "Will you sleep with me?" He asked Remus who immediately agreed.

James sighed audibly. Sirius used to shut down conversations when he felt uncomfortable but it rarely happened anymore. James wasn't sure how to help him because he didn't know if his best friend was struggling with the concept of them being brothers again, or if he couldn't imagine putting things in the past. Maybe it was something else. Probably, neither of them knew.

Only now did James start to understand that perhaps convincing Regulus wouldn't be the hardest part of this whole thing. However, he knew someone who also had a difficult relationship with their sibling and it'd be a good idea to talk to her about this. James, as an only child, felt like he couldn't fully understand what Sirius was going through, no matter how empathetic he was towards his best friend. He needed another perspective.

In the end, he concluded that he needed to try harder.

Notes:

james: omg hes like a pretty lil frozen flower3

regulus: decent

what a compliment for james!! our boy is winning!! lets gooo!