Chapter 4: chase me
Notes:
what is a fic without a party scene?
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
James thought that the chess tournament was a success. He didn't think he would enjoy it as much as he did and it wasn't just because he won most of his games. It was fun to sit down and concentrate on something other than Quidditch. He had no idea which of his teammates were good at chess so he had an interesting time trying to figure out just how strong they were. Surprisingly, his only draw was against Marlene who had prepared a nasty trick that James, unfortunately, fell for. There was no doubt in his mind that Marlene and Remus came up with that idea together. To his luck, Marlene got a little bit too confident after she executed said trick and blundered her advantage as she accidentally left her rook undefended. By the end of the game, they were down to a couple of pawns and opposite colour bishops, which was as drawish as it could get. He peered up at Marlene and he saw that she didn't look like she would offer a draw so in the end it was James extending his hand out and asking for a draw, which Marlene agreed to.
His most shameful match was against Thompson as he did, indeed, use the Niffler against him. He heard someone's scandalised gasps behind as they saw James play the opening; 1, e4 e5, 2, Ke2… He hoped it wouldn't get back to his dad because he didn't want him to know that he played a joke of an opening like that. Thankfully, most of his teammates didn't know that it was a bad opening, they probably just thought that it was some kind of novelty move or an unusual prep. It wasn't. After playing the first few moves, he did try his best to get as good of a position as he possibly could but his opponent was surprisingly sharp so James lost that match quickly.
He was so tilted from the Niffler and the embarrassment that he proceeded to lose his next match too. Chess was a strange game. A single loss affected him more than any of his Quidditch losses. It was bizarre but it happened before and happened during this tournament too. He didn't know why he wasn't really seeing his pieces as he usually was but his mind was so jumbled that he just blundered his queen. His opponent stared at the board strangely as though he was contemplating if James sacrificed his piece for an advantage. Unfortunately, it was an ill timed blunder as he didn't get anything out of it, it just put him in a painful position where he felt like he was fighting for his life. They had a ten minute break after that and James bounced back beautifully and won his last two games.
Everyone else also seemed to enjoy the games because they didn't take it as seriously as James did. He heard some of them giggle and shout playful insults at one another like kids at the playground, they were all enjoying themselves.
After the last game, the others left the tables and then it was just him and Marlene grinning at each other. Marlene held up both of her hands in the air and James high-fived her.
"Told you this would be great," she said happily as he put her hands on her hips, looking as proud as it was humanly possible.
"You were right," James admitted without any hesitation.
"To be honest, the only reason I suggested chess was that I knew you were good at it so you would likely say yes, and because it was easily accessible. But I would be lying if I didn't take a liking to this stupid board game." Marlene confessed. "I kind of want to do it again."
"Oh, yeah? You want a rematch, McKinnon?" James challenged.
"Do you want a rematch?"
"You know I do," James smirked. "I wanted to crush you on the board."
"You've got yourself a rematch then, Potter," she said, nodding confidently. "But first, we have a Quidditch match to win."
"And how do you feel about that?" James thought that winning against Hufflepuff would be fairly easy for them. Their players were much better in every way. Maybe James was a little biassed but he only saw Hufflepuff's Seeker as a real threat to them because she was brand new and he had no idea what to expect from her. A good Seeker could make or break a game. As they were one day away from the match and they always had a rest day before the matches, there was no more training to be done and all James could do was hope for the best.
"I feel optimistic about our chances. I think we are the favourites to win anyway so we just have to prove it, " She answered.
"Yeah, so you better give it your all tomorrow," James joked and immediately received a quick punch in the arm, which only made James chuckle in delight.
"I always give it my all," Marlene said defensively. James knew well that she did but he couldn't stop himself from teasing her for at least a little bit. It was always funny the way she puffed up her cheeks like she was trying to hold back a few nasty insults.
"Just don't forget to look out for your right side," James reminded her. He had told her this during one of their practises and James could see that she was much more mindful of her flaw and tried to correct it as best she could. She had come a long way since then and he felt proud of her for it.
"I know. I will. Thank you for the reminder but I think I got it now. I had to keep correcting my posture but then I got used to it and I don't have to pay attention to it as much anymore. However, this won't be a regular practice but a real match that counts so I will be very careful," She explained. James lifted one of his eyebrows at that, amused. "I thought about this a lot, okay?"
"I believe you and I trust you," James said kindly. She was a great player and a great co-captain. He was glad that he could rely on her.
Her features softened upon hearing those words leave James' lips. "Me too."
They both turned towards the door, noticing something small flying towards them at the same time. This time, James didn't let the paper bird crash into him, instead, he caught it in the air.
"Oh, you got another one!"
Just like always, James carefully unfolded the paper, seeing the familiar leaves in the corner and the handwriting that he got so used to seeing.
I look at the sun,
and I think it's beautiful.
Then I think of you, and you are even more beautiful
The thought of you, the sight of you makes me smile,
makes my days easier.
Even if not for me,
please smile.
Selfishly, I want to see you happy all the time.
James noticed the change of tone in this note. The others were sadder, more desperate, and downright miserable but this note was asking him to smile, to be happy. The mystery person even let him know that James made them happy too. It was a relief to hear because the impression James had been getting was that he had been a hindrance.
Marlene softly cooed next to him as she was reading the note too.
"Ah, look at you making people's days better just by existing. How very selfless of you," Marlene marvelled mockingly. James wanted to roll his eyes at her.
"Just shut it, will you?"
"Is there any update on your mystery admirer?"
"No," was all James said, which seemed to confuse his friend. She turned towards him with her entire body, crossing her arms in front of her chest.
"Why?"
"What do you mean why?"
"Why don't you have any update?" she clarified. "I know you said you already like someone but don't want to know who it is?" Truthfully, he wanted to know so badly. At night, when he was laying in his bed, he tried to imagine what they looked like. There was never anything very specific in his mind except for one thing; it was a boy every time. He didn't know if his crush on Regulus subconsciously influenced him and that was why he thought it would be a boy. It would make sense because he certainly thought of boys more - well, technically, it was only one boy, really - than he ever did before.
"I remember you telling me that they would reveal themself anyway," James said, defensively. He didn't understand why Marlene was asking him this suddenly.
"Well, yeah, I did," she agreed. "But I didn't expect you to listen to me and do nothing. I thought you would last two days before you would try to figure it out."
To be fair to her, if he started receiving these notes a year ago, before he fell for a certain Slytherin, he would've been more excited to read the letters. He probably wouldn't have shut up about them. He would've annoyed his friends all day with them and he would've tried to find a way to contact his mystery person by now. It felt stupid to put so much energy into something when it wouldn't lead to much anyway.
"Wouldn't that be a violation of their privacy? They don't want me to know."
"So, what? You are going to do nothing and keep receiving these until they get tired of writing them or until they get over you? How is it fair to you that you don't get to interact with them in any way? You can't reject them. You can't tell them you don't want to receive these anymore. You can't meet them. You can't do anything except take it. I'm sorry, James, but I think it's selfish and inconsiderate of them to put you in this situation. I mean, would they keep sending them if you were dating someone?" She probed fervently. They were all good questions and he had no answer to either of them. Marlene was not-so-delicately suggesting that his admirer wasn't a good person since they didn't seem to consider his feelings. James wasn't sure how to feel about that. The notes were as much of a joy to receive as they were headaches. He loved to be liked but hated that it didn't come from the person he liked.
"What do you suggest I do?" He asked eventually after carefully thinking over everything she just said.
"Find them and reject them!" She said it in a way that made James flinch back. "The fastest way to get over someone is to be rejected. If you don't do it, this could go on for a long time."
"I'm not trying to lead them on or anything."
"I know that."
They stared at each other helplessly. James' heart felt so heavy in his chest. He didn't disagree with Marlene but he couldn't make himself fully agree with her either. He was certain that if they revealed themself today, James would reject them and that would be it. Somehow, the thought of seeking them out to break their heart felt wrong to James too, so cold and clinical.
"Maybe—I'll think about it," James said eventually.
Marlene squeezed his arm. "That's all I ask."
"Oh, look!" Pandora whispered into his ear. "Is that a sneaky little snake? Or is it Regulus Arcturus Black hiding in the library from me?"
He knew she would find him eventually.
She sat down on the chair in front of him and Regulus gave her a flat look as he prepared for the biggest lie to leave his lips.
"I wasn't hiding from you," he told her then looked down at his textbook again, fully ready to ignore her in hopes that she would get bored and leave. The chances for that were extremely low but he tried anyway.
"And I don't want to hold Lily's hand."
He should've resisted the urge to reply to her but the word was out of his mouth before he even realised. "What?"
Pandora looked at him with the most innocent eyes he had ever seen.
"Oh? I thought we were having a 'who can lie the best' competition." she said, putting her hand in front of her mouth. "I think I won."
He rolled his eyes before lowering them to his textbook again.
"Reggie, look at me!" she said softly. He didn't want to but he obeyed. Damn him and his soft spot for Pandora. She reached across the table, cradling the side of his face gently, her thumb reassuringly caressing his skin. "I just want the best for you. If you talked to him, smoothed things over, you would feel so much lighter."
The worst thing was that she was right.
She was right most of the time, he noticed.
"I know," he said at last.
She gave him one of her softest smiles that were reserved for only the people she cherished the most.
"I love you," she said easily.
"Love you," he echoed.
He had meant to do this sooner but everything had been so messy that there just wasn't enough time. He wanted to talk to him alone. Just the two of them Theoretically, that was an easy thing to arrange but in reality, it was quite hard to separate Sirius from Remus for one reason and one reason only. They didn't want to be separated. Ever.
Ignoring his objections, James ended up grabbing Sirius' arm and pulling him out of Remus' bed, before leading them down to the common room. The whole time Sirius was whining right into his ear, acting like he was on the verge of dying.
"I can't believe you would come in between true love like this, Prongs," Sirius moaned as James shoved him into one of the armchairs in the corner then he took the other empty one, pulling his legs up to his body.
"You'll live, you big baby," James reassured him. Remus wanted him to talk to Sirius anyway so it wasn't entirely his fault that they were sitting away from the others.
"One day, you will know what it's like to be separated from the love of your life and you'll suffer," Sirius threatened but it sounded way too weak to be taken seriously.
"I thought I was the love of your life. You know the person you love the most? Above everyone else? We even made a promise." James reminded him.
"Yeah, well, you're one of the loves of my life, okay? I can have multiple," Sirius said and gave him a look like it was obvious and James was stupid for asking.
"Good, I'm glad we are on the same page then," James said, winking at his best friend who immediately winked back at him. Sirius looked away for a second before looking back at James.
"Is this about Regulus? Is that why you dragged me out?"
James shrugged. "No, and yes. It can be about him, if that's what you want to talk about. I just wanted to see how you feel about everything now. I feel like a lot of things have changed."
Sirius fiddled with the ring on his finger absentmindedly. "They have," he confessed. "I guess I'm relieved more than anything. I thought a lot about it recently and I've come to realise that it was never about me and him. Every fight we had was because of Mother and Father. They drove a wedge between us and they did it easily because I was always the disappointment and he was the good son." A small smile appeared on Sirius' face. "But now we are equal. We are both disappointments. We are on the same side. I know he didn't do it for me. But for the first time in a long while, I feel like he's choosing me."
There was never a time when Sirius talked about his parents and it didn't break James' heart. What a completely undeserving pair those two were. Sirius was made to be loved and cherished. He bloomed so beautifully under his friends' gentle care and James couldn't believe his parents wanted to pluck and crumble him in their unworthy hands. The same could be said for Regulus too. Memories of his shy smiles overtook James' mind, filling his lungs and blinding him. A bed person would've never held his hand in his own so tenderly and that was proof enough for James that he deserved better.
They both deserved better.
"Took him a while but he did the right thing," James sighed. "You do know that you're not a disappointment, right?"
"I think I've gotten enough reassurances by now that I don't have doubts about that anymore. Not just from Moony but from your mum too," Sirius grinned, surprising James. Her love and support were legendary but he wasn't expecting Sirius to mention her. "Strangely enough, I didn't think I would need motherly love in my life to get over some of my baggages."
"But she gave it to you anyway," James said, smiling back at him.
"She gave it to me anyway," Sirius echoed. "And the things she did to me! She made me like baking! Baking, Prongs! Some days I catch myself being excited to go home because then I can bake those lemon tarts with her. That's mad, unbelievable."
James threw his head back, laughing. He remembered the first time he found Sirius in the kitchen, making pasties with his mum. He did a double take, thinking that he was still dreaming but no, it was very real and happening right in front of him.
"And you're pretty good at it too," James added, then an amazing idea occurred to him. "You should make those little cookies with the strawberry jam in the middle but in a heart shape and give it to Moony. He'd love it."
Sirius gasped. "Oh, that is a great idea! You have to remind me later in case I forget. I want to romance him with my baking skills."
James smiled so hard that his face was hurting. "I will. You can count on me!"
"You know Regulus would like your dad."
"Yeah?" James asked softly.
"I think so. He would be impressed by Monty's library the most though," Sirius said with conviction.
James desperately tried not to imagine Regulus in his house but failed. He could see him falling asleep on their couch with a book on his chest. In the garden, looking at his mum's flowers. In his bed with messy hair and sleepy eyes, clinging to James as if his life depended on it. Dressed in James' clothes because he forgot to bring his own. Lying on the floor of his childhood bedroom as James talked about everything and anything. The thoughts ached in James' head, burrowing themselves deep within his mind and not letting him forget the mental images.
He looked down at his knees, feeling the skin on his face getting warmer. This was supposed to be about Sirius, not him but words came out of his mouth anyway, softly and affectionately.
"I like him so much." His voice was barely louder than a whisper but Sirius was sitting close enough to hear him. His friend looked at him sympathetically.
"I know, Prongs," Sirius said softly. "I don't know what he thinks about you but in my opinion, you two would be good together, balance each other out. Ground each other. Reggie always needed someone loud and bright and I don't know a brighter and louder person than you."
James bit his lower lips. "You're making it worse."
"Sorry. I wish I could help you as you helped me," Sirius admitted. "Sometimes you have this sorrowful look on your face and I don't know what to do so I usually just crack a joke or distract you with something stupid. I wish I could do something permanent for you."
"You being my best friend feels pretty permanent for me," James said, shrugging. How could he ask for more than that? "I don't need to help me, I just need you to stay by my side."
"That's something I can easily arrange. Should we make a promise on this too?"
"No, I'll take your word for it," James said, shaking his head.
This was how it always had been. James and Sirius. Sirius and James. The two of them, together, promising each other anything and everything because there were very few things they wouldn't do for each other. So, their promises would grow in number, reaching new heights every day.
He heard his name being called and the voice sounded a lot like James, which was impossible so kept on walking, refusing to turn around only to be disappointed.
"Oi! It's very impolite to ignore people when they are trying to talk to you, you know?" said the voice again and it was undeniably James'. Regulus turned around slowly and there he was. James Potter, looking at him with a kind impression and with a broom in his hand.
"It's also impolite to bother someone when they are in the middle of something," Regulus shot back immediately. Annoyingly enough, it only made the older boy smile wilder. He had seen that smile many times before, usually directed at Remus, Sirius, and Peter. It felt confusing to be on the receiving end of it now.
"And what exactly are you in the middle of?" James asked curiously. Regulus contemplated leaving because it didn't look like James was going to leave him alone.
But his eyes…
James was looking at him finally. Talking to him.
His treacherous heart couldn't let him leave just yet, he wanted the moment to last a little longer, drinking in the attention he was getting, so he showed James the snitch that was in his pocket.
"Practising," Regulus informed him simply.
"Can I join you?" The question itself felt unimaginable. Why in the bloody hell would James want to practise with him? Regulus had just passed the Gryffindor players a few moments ago. They were all leaving the pitch because they were done for today.
Yet, James stood in front of him, sweat rolling down the side of his face, looking absolutely delicious. Regulus would've loved to devour him, if James let him.
"Didn't you just finish practising?"
"Yeah," James shrugged. "But I could use some more. My steering is sloppy, apparently."
"It is," Regulus agreed. He had noticed a few years ago. He knew most of James' weaknesses mostly because he could barely keep his eyes off him when he was playing Quidditch. He should've been studying Gryffindor's Seeker's movements but his treasonous eyes always ended up on James."Still—You're a Chaser. You don't chase snitches."
"Oh, I'm good at chasing a lot of things," He let a playful smile take over his face and Regulus' heartbeat raced as his knees almost gave out under him. .
He was going to devour him, if he kept talking to him like that.
James wouldn't say it was the easiest match ever but they did it. They won their first match of the season. The adrenaline was rushing in his veins as they were jumping up and down in celebration. He quickly grabbed Marlene by her waist, spinning her around happily. He earned himself weak punch and he wore it like a badge of honour.
The buzz of the adrenaline was still present in his system by the time he arrived at the common room. Everyone cheered as the players walked in, many people patting their shoulders and congratulating them. James slipped away as soon as he could so he could change into an attire that was more suited for celebration. He wanted to feel comfortable but hot at the same time. The last part may or may not have had something to do with the fact that a certain Slytherin boy would be attending the party too. He usually followed the dress code but today he didn't button up his shirt all the way, revealing the lines of his neck and the top of his chest more than usual. It made him feel more confident, not that he was lacking confidence before. He knew he looked good.
By the time he went back to the common room, the music was playing and almost everyone had a drink in their hands but nobody was walking on the ceiling yet so it was safe to say that it was a mild start for them. James spotted Sirius and Peter looming over a table, looking at something very intensively. As he walked closer to them, he noticed what they were all looking at. It was Marlene and Remusing playing chess, a faster version - which was called blitz - of what they played during the tournament and they were taking shots of alcohol while doing it. It seemed like they were having a lot of fun.
"What's up, boys and lady?" James greeted them, worming his way in between Sirius and Peter and putting his arms around their shoulders.
"I'm beating Remus," Marlene said as she lifted the glass away from her lips. James looked at the position which was quickly changing with each second. "Rook takes on C6."
"No, you're not," Remus asserted then took a shot. "Rook to D1."
"They are playing blitz and every time they lose a piece they have to drink half a shot," Peter explained to him. Marlene was right, Remus was losing badly . She was up by three pawns. Even if Remus had more time to think about his moves, there was a very low chance of him winning the match. They had no clock to time them so they seemed to have agreed on two or three seconds to think in between moves before they both started shouting out their moves. This type of chess was more fun to watch. Both Marlene and Remus got increasingly louder as they rushed to make their next moves and their hands were always holding a shot, ready to down it as quickly as possible. The pieces were moving dizzyingly fast on the board.
"Queen to E2!"
"Rook to C1!"
"Knight to D3!"
"Knight to C4!"
"Goddamn it, Remus, Give up already! King to C7!"
"Rook to D2! You have to checkmate me first!"
"Oof, Moony is trying to hang on until the very end," James informed Sirius. It was a desperate and hopeful tactic from Remus that probably wouldn't work normally but they both have been drinking, as crazy as it was, it might work out in the end.
"And he's so hot about it. I just want to—" Sirius couldn't finish his sentence because Remus gave him a death stare.
"Do not distract me right now!" Remus demanded.
"No, finish your sentence!" Marlene pleaded. "King takes on F3!"
James didn't think Sirius needed to finish his sentence because the game was ending soon anyway. The checkmate lurked in the position, Marlene just needed to find it, and she did a few moves later. It surprised James just how fast she found it and delivered the checkmate, making Remus lean back in his chair and groan out loud in defeat. James chuckled at the sigh of Marlene's obnoxiously loud celebration and Remus's despair.
"Do you wanna play a rematch now?" James asked Marlene, who stood up from her chair, swaying a little on her feet.
"I would but the pieces are doing the spinny thing," She said, drawing circles in the air, "and I want to win. I can't win with spinny pieces."
"I'll play with you," Sirius offered and Jame immediately accepted the offer. They traded places with Marlene and Remus as the pieces rearranged themselves on the board. James had the black pieces and Sirius the white ones. They made the first couple of moves without trading too many pieces. James' strategy was to get as good of a position as possible without losing pieces then liquidate all at once in hopes that Sirius would end up drinking so much that his pieces would start doing the 'spinny thing', as Marlene said.
It was a brilliant idea until Sirius decided to throw a wrench in the works and started aggressively attacking James.
James pulled the glass away from his lips, grimacing at the sour taste of the alcohol. "Can you calm down for a second?" James asked, almost begging.
"For what? So you can win? Not a chance," Sirius answered right away before taking another one of James' pawns. He was forcing James to do the same to him because James refused to allow himself to be at a disadvantage because of that. He didn't want to sac a piece in a blitz game.
"Oh, it's already affecting James," Marlene said delightedly. James scowled at her words but didn't take his eyes off the board. She was just distracting him.
"I don't think Sirius is doing as well as he would like to," Peter commented.
Merlin, James was hoping that he was right because his eyes most certainly started to make a fool of James. One second, he didn't have a bishop, then the next second, there was a black bishop on E4. He felt the game slipping away after he made a move that made him lose the said bishop with no compensation at all.
James stared at the board in disbelief for about two seconds before he said dejectedly, "I resign."
Sirius immediately jumped up from his seat, pulling Remus in and kissing him triumphantly. James shared a quick glance with Peter before shrugging. Chess was hard as it is but it was harder when shots were involved.
"You'll win next time," Peter assured him.
"If you play like that, I will win next time," Marlene chimed in. James stuck his tongue at her and she did too. He usually played much better than this. It was all the alcohol's fault and the fact that James was kind of a lightweight didn't help either.
"Can we move away from the chessboard and the shots before I start thinking I can play another round?" Liquid courage was his own worst enemy. The first time they ever held a party that involved drinking James got detention because he thought running around the castle and singing at the top of his lungs was a good idea. At least Sirius was with him too. The second time, he thought his arms and legs disappeared but when he lifted his arms, closer to his face, they suddenly appeared in perfect condition. However, they were dripping wet. It took him three minutes before he realised that he was standing in the Black Lake. The third time, he kissed a boy, which was admittedly less stupid than the first two things that he did. That was until he ran to Remus crying with red eyes and wobbly lips because he forgot who he kissed. He felt devastated that he couldn't remember his first kiss with a boy. It took a few minutes for Remus to calm him down then they together figured out who it was. As soon as he knew that it was an older Gryffindor boy, James calmed down. He didn't interact with the other boy after that because James wasn't interested in him but that didn't mean that he didn't want to remember his first kiss. Frankly, it wasn't even a good kiss but James cherished it anyway.
"Yeah, let's go," Peter said.
"Oh, er, I think I'll go and find Lily and Mary, okay? I'll see you later," Marlene said, slipping away from them.
"Have fun, Co-captain!" James shouted after her, before grabbing Sirius' wrist and dragging him towards the sofa. It was a tight fit but they all sat down on it, Peter at one end, James at the other, and Remus and Sirius in between them, although Sirius was half sitting on Remus's thigh.
"How do you feel after winning the first match of the year?" Remus asked with his hands wrapped around Sirius, absentmindedly playing with his hair. James had no doubt in his mind that within a few minutes, Sirius would just end up sitting in his boyfriend's lap.
"I'm happy, delighted, and ecstatic," James answered with a grin. "But I'm also relieved."
"Two more to go," Peter sang. Their next match would be against Ravenclaw and their last would be against Slytherin. Almost always the House Cup ended with a Gryffindor vs Slytherin match. James thought that had to be on purpose. Always leaving the best for last.
"I think your extra practice really paid off, mate," Sirius commented. For a second, James thought Sirius was talking about early morning runs but then it occurred to him: Regulus.
"We would've won without that too," James argued, unwilling to give Regulus credit. Those practices were for fun more than anything else.
"Well—" Sirius said slowly..
"Don't listen to him, Prongs!" Remus said, trying to stop what could quickly become a stupid argument.
"If anything, that was a distraction for Jamie," Peter said and James sent him a mean look before his face fell because bloody hell, they were distractions. As soon as it was just two of them, he only paid attention to Regulus, sometimes even forgetting that they weren't chasing each other but the snitch.
"Aw, look at his face! Look what you've done, Wormy! He's gonna have another existential crisis. You know how he gets when he drinks," Remus scolded.
"It wouldn't be a party if Prongs didn't have at least one breakdown," Sirius noted.
"I don't have a breakdown every time."
"Hmm, maybe not every time but close to it," Peter said. This conversation nearly gave James a breakdown because he couldn't remember having this many breakdowns. Sirius squeezed his shoulder.
"The things alcohol does to you…" Sirius muttered, shaking his head.
"Then why do you let me drink every time?" James probed.
"Free entertainment," Sirius and Peter said at the same time.
The audacity. James nearly stood up.
"What was my last breakdown about?" James asked because he genuinely couldn't recall them, other than the whole first kiss with a boy fiasco.
"During the summer," Sirius informed him. "You got all sad and weepy because the stars and moon have to disappear every morning. You felt better after I told you that they shine during the day too, we just can't see them."
James had no recollection of that conversation.
"There was that one time you got sad because you realised you can't feed ghosts and that meant if Lola died, you could never give her her favourite treats ever again. You never told us who Lola was," Remus said apologetically.
"To be fair to Prongs, that is sad," Peter agreed.
"Oh, she's a stray dog. She always walks around our neighbourhood," James said with a soft smile on his lips as he was thinking about that sweet little face that Lola made whenever she saw him.
"James brought dog treats just for her," Sirius added. He was the only person other than James who met Lola. Sometimes they walked around aimlessly on the streets to kill time and the dog would join them on their journey.
"Sounds about right," was all Peter said.
"Don't worry, Prongs. We love you with all of your breakdowns," Sirius told him.
"I love you too even though you're annoying," James replied with an innocent look on his face.
"Moony, I love you even if you have an annoying boyfriend," Peter added.
"Aw, how sweet! I love you and all your questionable advice," Remus said, nodding slowly.
"Now that we all confessed our undying love for each other. I think I need another drink," James said, pushing himself up from the sofa. "You know, I have to give some fuel for my impending breakdown." His friends laughed behind him as he left. He could hear a faint shout of 'i love you the best' from Sirius but he didn't turn around.
It took a bit to find the table with the drinks because there were just too many people in the room. James seriously doubted that it was all Gryffindor students. Eventually, he spotted Lily pouring something for herself at a table and he quickly approached her.
"What a coincidence. I was about to pour myself the same thing," James said without any greeting. Lily looked over at him shocked.
"I see that you already poured yourself something and drank it too," Lily noted but she reached for an empty cup anyway.
"And I'm thirsty again," James said, pouting. He didn't miss the way Lily rolled her eyes at him as she handed him his new drink.
"You don't even know what I'm drinking."
"I know for a fact that you have great taste." James lifted the cup to his lips and took a sip. It was better than the shots they were previously drinking so it would do. "Hmm, just what I needed. Cheers!"
Lily laughed at his antics before taking a sip herself. "Hey, you were amazing today. Congrats!" she complimented sweetly.
"Thanks!" James said. "It was a team effort, really."
"Well, you assembled a really good team," Lily said, smiling. "It was also a great idea to have Mar as your co-captain. She was so happy when you asked her."
James had to agree. That was probably one of his better decisions. He only wished he figured it out sooner.
"She deserved the recognition."
"I think so too." Lily bit her lips nervously and James recognized what that meant. Something happened and she didn't know how to say it out loud. There was a light blush on the top of her cheeks and James tried to connect the dots in his blurry mind.
Finally, Lily opened her mouth after a little hesitation. "So, I got this." He held out her right arm in front of her and James instantaneously noticed that there was a bracelet on her wrist that he had never seen before. It was made of lots of small white beads and then there were two bigger beads; one of them red and the other blue. James let out a gasp as it clicked in his head.
"Pandora?"
"Yes! She made this for me and she also asked me out," She confirmed shyly.
"That's amazing. I'm happy for you," James said. He felt his eyes sting with happy tears but he refused to have a breakdown so soon. Yeah, sure, he was immeasurably elated for her but crying was a little too much.
"Thank you! We're going to Hogsmeade together."
"Ah, my heart can barely take it! That's so romantic. I'm so envious."
"Well, you haven't seen everything," Lily said. She held out her hand again and started shaking his wrist and as she did, little glitters fell from the bracelet and they started spreading upwards until Lily's whole body looked like she was made out of diamonds. It was beautiful magic. Regulus mentioned that Pandora had been working on something but James had no idea that it was something like this.
"You look like you're worth all the money in my vault," James said, voice full of awe. He never saw anything like this.
"To me, this bracelet is worth way more than that."
James pulled a face but didn't argue with that statement. He didn't think a bracelet was worth more than that. If Regulus were to give him something then he might see that item as more precious than all his money but he couldn't know for sure. .
"Don't forget that I'm the flower girl," James reminded her. He wouldn't give up his role for anything or anyone.
"Don't worry, I won't," she replied, blushing. She looked down at her bracelet lovingly and James almost cooed. He was glad that Pandora decided to finally ask her out during this party… James frowned at his cup, thinking over what Lily said.
"Wait, Pandora is here?"
Lily looked at him confused. "Of course, silly!"
"With Regulus?"
"Yeah, of course." James raised up on his tiptoes, looking around to see if he could catch sight of either of them but it was too difficult to find anyone in the crowd. "I got separated from them a while ago but I'm sure they are still here somewhere."
"Yeah, I'll find them later," James said, trying to hide his disappointment. He wanted to see Regulus, so bad.
"Actually, I was going back to Marlene and Mary. Do you wanna join us for a bit?" Lily asked and after hesitating for a second, he agreed. He would rather be free entertainment for them than his dumbass friends. Sirius and Remus were probably making out already, totally lost to the rest of the world and Peter likely found himself other people to hang out with.
The girls received him with open and warm arms. Spending time with Lily, Mary, and Marlene at a party was always a good idea because the topic quickly changed to rumours and gossip that they heard. James was always scandalised by some of the things that were happening right under his nose. This time he almost fell off his chair when he realised that Mary and Marlene had been dating for months and he had no idea. He tried to conceal his surprise by taking a big sip from his cup but he didn't even try to lie to himself that he did it well. He was generally like an open book and the alcohol made it worse.
He decided it was his time to leave after other people joined their little circle and someone suggested that they play truth or dare. James shot up and walked away, apologising because he simply refused to play that game. He knew it all too well. It always ended up with people kissing and he would not be kissing anyone unless their name was Regulus Black.
James awkwardly pushed himself through the sea of people and spotted Peter, leaning against a table near the wall. As expected, Sirius and Remus were nowhere to be found. Peter noticed James and gestured with his hand to come to him.
"There you are," Peter said happily. "I thought I lost you too."
"Nope, I was just talking with the girls but then someone suggested truth or dare," James said, rolling his eyes. He stood next to Peter, leaning against the table too.
"That one always ends horribly," Peter said. "I don't know why they still think that's a good idea."
"They probably do it because it's horrible. Some people enjoy chaos," James huffed. They had all played truth or dare many times before but after a while, it stopped being exciting.
"Yeah? Wasn't your first kiss with Marlene because of a truth or dare situation?"
"Wasn't yours?" James shot back. "Now that I think about it, Remus also had his first kiss too. We all did."
"Except Pads."
"Yeah, that harlot," James shook his hand disapprovingly then he looked at Peter and they broke out laughing. James let his head fall on Peter's shoulder. It was a bit uncomfortable because the other was shorter than him but it didn't stop him. "He's kissing the life out of Remus right now."
"Probably."
"Do you wanna make out with me?" James asked jokingly. Peter leaned closer to him, trying to hold back laughter.
"How lucky I am. Gryffindor's best boy asking me for a kiss? Scandalous!" His friend replied. James laughed happily but before he could reply to his friend a hand grabbed his arm, wrenching him away from Peter.
"I'm gonna borrow him," the person stated and turned around, pulling James through the crowd. Only when he stopped to look up at James, did he realise who had an iron grip around his wrist.
Regulus, Regulus, Regulus, his brain chanted. He didn't know why they stopped but somehow his free hand was on Regulus' waist and he couldn't stop staring at him. He looked like an angel under the dim light. Had he been searching for James? Did he want to see him as much as James did? His head got filled with silly thoughts all at once as Regulus' scent filled his nose. He was wearing a cologne that made James want to take a bite out of him.
Then Regulus was pushing him backward and making him sit on the narrow steps of the stair. The younger boy sat down next to him, so close to him, with no space between them at all. Their thighs, legs, and shoulders were touching all the way and James thought that he preferred sitting here than leaning against a table.
"Reggie, you came!" James cheered happily.
Regulus ducked his head, hiding a shy smile."We made a deal, remember?"
"Could never forget it," James informed him. He decided that because they were crushed together so tightly, it wasn't weird if he put an arm around Regulus. It would give them a few extra centimetres. So, he did just that and was relieved when the other didn't protest. "How did you like the match? I was impressive, wasn't I?"
"Yeah, you were," Regulus said simply. So simply in fact that James almost missed the fact that Regulus agreed with him. He didn't correct him that he was only decent. He said yes .
James inhaled sharply as the realisation hit him. He pulled his arm back to catch Regulus's face in between his hands, angling it towards him with shaking hands. Regulus looked at him blankly, only his eyes were wilder than usual.
"Are you real?" James asked with a voice full of awe as he studied the other boy's face. James wanted to caress his skin with his thumb, press a tiny kiss into the corner of his lips, and drown in his lips. How was it fair to him that every time he saw Regulus he looked more beautiful than before?
"Of course, I'm real," Regulus scoffed, frowning. James let his face go and put his arm around him again, pulling him even more against him.
"I'm not sure I believe you," James informed him. "You just implied that I'm better than decent. My Regulus wouldn't do that." An emotion, too fast for James to decipher, passed across Regulus' face.
"You're drunk and an idiot," Regulus announced, which made James laugh harder than it should've.
"There he is," James said, unable to stop the fondness dripping into his voice. "'m not drunk by the way. Only tipsy."
"Your team got much better. You've gotten better," Regulus said, ignoring James's previous words. James didn't even mind it because he received another set of compliments. Regulus didn't look tipsy or drunk either so he was speaking the truth. "You should be proud."
"I am. Pads think you have something to do with that," James said without thinking about it too much.
"Who?"
"Your brother."
"Oh," Regulus breathed. "You'd have won without our practises too."
"That's what I told him too," James sighed. "I heard Lily said yes."
"To the date? Yeah, Pandora has been telling it to everyone willing to listen to her," Regulus snorted. James could see that she meant a lot to him, it was so clear on his face. It made him wonder if their relationship was anything like his and Sirius'.
"Please, I'd listen to her even though I already heard it from Lily. I love a good romance story," James sighed happily. If his friends were happy then so was he. It always worked like that.
"I know. Have you ever gone on a Hogsmeade date?" Regulus asked suddenly, surprising James.
"I haven't," James told him. "I asked out Lily before but she wasn't interested in me like that and after her…" He shrugged, looking away, watching the people in front of them constantly move around. "I didn't exactly feel like going with anyone else."
"I see. But don't you wanna go?"
James made an uncertain noise at the back of his throat. He wasn't really thinking about going on dates with people because he thought it would only be painful for him. If it was a person he barely knew, he didn't think he would enjoy it. If it was Regulus… Well, that wasn't really in the cards for him. He'd rather not imagine what their date would be like and how Regulus would look like with snow in his hair. James shook his head. "I don't think about it anymore. My mind is on other things." He looked down at his free hand and only now did he see that Regulus had been gently playing with his fingers the whole time. It made James feel so fuzzy and warm on the inside.
"Like your love letter person?" Regulus asked. James remembered the way their last conversation went about them and he didn't want to repeat that. He didn't even really understand why Regulus got so upset last time.
"Sometimes," James answered, not wanting to give away too much information. This was the time to stop being an open book and be as unreadable as Regulus was sometimes.
"I never would have guessed that there would be a time when I wasn't hearing about James Potter chasing someone," Regulus joked.
James stared into Regulus' grey eyes as he thought, please, chase me, catch me, hold me . His hand on Regulus' shoulder tightened as he opened his mouth to speak. "Maybe I'm just waiting for someone," James whispered loud enough for Regulus to hear.
Regulus sucked in a harsh breath as he stared back at James and time seemed to slow around them. The only thing James could hear was Regulus' laboured breathing and his own heartbeat in his ears. He felt his drunken-self letting his self-control slowly slip away from his fingers. He wanted to kiss Regulus so much. He wanted to take him up to his dorm, lay him down, and not sleep until he kissed every centimetre of his skin. He wanted to see Regulus lose himself under his touch, hear his choked, raspy moans against his lips. He wanted everything.
He looked at his wet, pink lips and he wanted to worship them, kiss them until both of their lips were bruised and red. He yearned for Regulus to admit that he liked him too. There was nothing else in the word that he craved to hear more.
His eyes snapped up to Regulus' but he wasn't looking back at him. He was studying James' mouth. James felt all his inhibitions disappear and confidence took over his body as he leaned closer. He didn't care that he was tipsy or that there were people around them. He needed this.
"Reggie! It's time we go!" said a voice, which made Regulus turn away from him. James nearly started pleading, begging to not break this moment.
"Yeah, okay," Regulus said, his voice slightly breaking on the last syllable and he stood up from the stairs, leaving James cold and alone. "I'll see you later," Regulus told him before disappearing into the crowd.
James stared after him with a hand pressed to his chest as he breathed in and out heavily. The realisation slowly hit him and he felt panic and dread seeping into his bones. He quickly stood up and walked up the stairs as fast as he possibly could. He stumbled and tripped a few times but eventually, he reached their dorm, throwing the door open and sinking down to the floor. He looked up at the ceiling and started counting the stars slowly.
I almost kissed Regulus, James thought desperately. The pain coursed through his chest, making him heave. Merlin, he wanted it so badly. Maybe he never wanted anything as much. It was driving him insane.
He didn't know how long he sat on the floor just trying to get his breathing in order. It could've been seconds or minutes. He couldn't tell. He was interrupted by a touch on his arm and when he looked down he saw a paper crane, laying on the floor and he wanted to cry. He didn't want to but he unfolded it anyway, immediately noticing the lack of leaves on the note.
I like you I like you I like you
I love you
I want you so much
I like you I like you
I need you
please
The last word was written so poorly that James could barely read it out but the desperation of please hit him in the chest the most because it was the reflection of his own desperation for Regulus. James bit his lip, holding his tears back. He felt so guilty. Guilty because he wished it was Regulus. Guilty because he didn't like them back. Guilty just for the sake of it.
He crumpled up the note in his fist and did the only thing he could think of; he cried.
"I have been searching for you for hours," Pandora said calmly. Regulus was well aware of that fact, seeing as he spent way too much time hiding from her with James. Regulus grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her out of the Great Hall, where there would be fewer ears.
"I was with James," Regulus whispered to her as they walked past a group of girls.
"What?" Pandora shouted in surprise but Regulus hushed her quickly. "Oh, right, sorry. What are you doing with him? Are you finally—"
"I'm not confessing my feelings for him," Regulus interrupted her. How could he? He didn't want to be rejected or James pitying him.
"Well, I think you should."
"I'm not taking advice from someone who also hasn't confessed her feelings yet for the 'girl of her dreams'." Regulus spat.
Pandora gasped. "I'm working on it," she said defensively. "Wait a minute! You were on the pitch, weren't you? You were hiding with James Potter."
"Shhh! Can't you whisper?"
"What else are you hiding from me, Reggie?"
"Nothing."
"Did he flirt with you yet?"
Regulus sighed.
"Oh. Oh! He did!"
Notes:
and what is a party scene without the almost kiss trope?
also pls send James ur best compliments mentally bc he needs them rn:c