Chapter 5: always yours
Notes:
omg i'm so busy but im here anyway!!
last chapter let's goooo!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
"What's your favourite plant?" Pandora asked with her head in his lap and a paper crane between her fingers.
"I don't have one," Regulus answered without batting an eye.
"Don't you think ivy is just so romantic?"
He put his face into his hands. "Don't!"
The morning came quickly and for the first time since they started, James didn't want to go running. His head hurt and he felt like he wanted the bed to swallow him whole. He got up anyway to let his teammates know that they are all getting an extra rest day. In hindsight, he should've expected this and told everyone beforehand but he got distracted. Everyone was relieved to hear his decision and they all went to bed as they all had at least an hour before breakfast.
When James went back to the dorm, he noticed that he wasn't the only one awake anymore. He could distinctly hear Remus and Sirius whispering to each other. James threw open the bed curtain and before they could protest, James jumped in between them. The bed was a tight fit for two people but it was nearly impossible fit for three, not that James cared. Remus and Sirius both groaned as James landed.
"Morning, angels!" James said, yawning as he got comfortable on the bed. His legs were intertwined with someone's, his left arm was on Sirius' stomach and his head was on Remus' shoulder. It was a messy arrangement but he felt comfortable.
"I wasn't ready to be assaulted this early," Sirius complained but despite his tone, he held James' hand in his and James immediately felt comforted for some reason.
"Me neither," Remus agreed. "It's a crime against us, I think."
"I heard you two whispering. You can't expect me to not be curious," James said chuckling. "I lost you guys yesterday. Did I miss something yesterday?"
"You did, actually," Remus muttered. Although James couldn't see Remus, he could feel him turning towards Sirius.
"It's Regulus," Sirius said. James froze, too afraid to even breathe. He completely forgot that the reason they invited Regulus was so the two of them could have a conversation naturally. Not forcing anything. "We talked yesterday."
If it was possible James would've turned into an ice cube, he was that frozen. This was the fruit of his labour. It all came down to this moment. A moment that he missed because he was busy doing something else.
"Talk might be a little too generous," Remus corrected. So, he was there too.
"Tell me what happened!" James wanted to know everything. If he couldn't be there, he wanted to be able to imagine it in his mind.
"Well, the common room was too stuffy so Moony and I stepped out for a bit. We were kissing on the stairs when someone just kicks me out of nowhere! I was ready to fight this wanker but then I see that it was Regulus. He just stared at us and then greeted us. We exchanged a few words about the party." James couldn't stop himself from smiling. Kicking someone to get their attention was so him. Classic Regulus. "When I stood up to let him in, he gave me puppy eyes. And I know that look so well because he would look at Mother like that whenever he did something 'bad'. It was so jarring but then he… hugged me."
"And Pads went soft immediately," Remus added. It was probably the most essential detail about the whole encounter.
"I didn't but it was kind of cute. Anyway, he told me he was sorry. He didn't elaborate or anything. Just a plain old sorry," Sirius detailed. "I didn't expect a five scroll long apology from him. Maybe I did go soft but I felt like that sorry encapsulated everything."
"Did you say something back?" James asked curiously.
"Yeah, that I'm sorry too."
"And how did it make you feel?" James probed further.
"Happy, giddy, free." Sirius listed with a smile in his voice.
"I hope this means good things in the future," Remus said. "Regulus initiated this first conversation so I think it's your turn next."
"That's a good idea," James agreed.
"You make it sound like homework," Sirius whined.
"Not everything you put the effort in is homework, love," Remus chided gently. "By the way, you were already sleeping by the time we came back."
"Yeah, I felt exhausted," James said and it wasn't a lie. He was feeling very tired among many other things. He didn't feel like talking about what happened with Regulus or the note. Despite their joke about his breakdown yesterday, James knew they wouldn't make fun of him now. They were each other's safe places but today he wanted to keep everything to himself.
"You did? I guess that makes sense," Remus replied. James had the impression that Remus didn't entirely believe him but he was nice enough not to push him any further.
"Do you feel better now?" Sirius asked.
"Yeah," James sighed, closing his eyes. "Can you just hold me a little?" It wasn't an unusual request by any means. There were times when they all needed some extra affection and James needed it now.
Remus and Sirius agreed without any hesitation, wrapping their arms around James and moving as close to him as humanly possible. James breathed in deeply, enjoying the moment as best as he could, letting his senses calm down as his friends' familiar touches soothed him completely.
Mentally, he decided that today would be a good day. He would concentrate on the small victories because Regulus hugging Sirius was one worth celebrating. He wouldn't pay attention to the guilt that coursed through his veins and he would most definitely ignore the emptiness that existed inside his chest anytime he wasn't near Regulus. It was difficult to come to terms with the fact that he might crave Regulus more than anyone else in his life. Especially when it felt like it wasn't mutual. He was always so impressed by the younger boy that he could barely look away. Meanwhile, Regulus found it difficult to give him a proper compliment. James shouldn't be bothered by that but he was. He wanted his validation so badly. He wanted Regulus so badly.
He thought about the person who had been sending him notes and that they both knew way too much about unrequited love.
Maybe we could be good friends , James thought absentmindedly.
He was aware that wouldn't be fair to that person. It would be borderline cruel. It was just a silly thought that appeared in James' head.
And it was gone quickly.
"I saw James with Lily today," Pandora said as she sat down next to him. "They seemed very close."
Regulus felt an overwhelming amount of jealousy bubbling in his stomach. "What do you think that closeness means?" He asked bitterly. He hadn't heard of any whispers of James pursuing Evans in a while and so he had hoped…
"I don't know. Hopefully, nothing," Pandora sighed.
"I hope you're right," Regulus said, leaning back on his chair and shaking his head as though he could shake the mental image of James and Lily out of his head forever.
Peter and James were the first to arrive for breakfast. As usual, they sat down next to each other at the table and started eating without their other two friends. Sirius had stayed behind because he wanted to take a quick shower and Remus stayed behind with him because… James could guess why he didn't come with them but he would rather not think about it at all.
"If you win the House Cup this year, do you think a professional team would be interested in you?" Peter asked as he was munching on a toast. James didn't really give much thought to him becoming a professional Quidditch player but he would be lying if he said he wasn't interested in it.
"One or two people always get signed. It's possible if I play really well," James answered as he put his mug back on the table.
"You'd be famous," Peter said with awe in his voice. "I want a famous friend."
"Auror is also a great profession." When he was seven, his dream job was to play Quidditch professionally. When he was thirteen, he switched it to working as an Auror. Most kids had similar ambitions as him
Peter made a disappointed sound. "That doesn't pay as well."
"I don't think I need it to pay well."
"Okay, rich boy! If you are famous and rich, you can bring us with you everywhere and get us into the cool places," Peter explained further. Being a Quidditch player came with more benefits than being an Auror, everyone could see that. On top of that, once you became an Auror, you would always be an Auror. Quidditch was different in the sense that people age out of the professional and competitive part of the game. Most ex-player either retired at 35 and then pursued other things or they became a coach for a team. James especially liked the thought of coaching others. Especially kids.
"You're right about that, mate. If somehow I become a professional, I'll take the four of us to Japan," James promised. Peter's face brightened up at the mention of travelling.
"I heard there was an incredible—" His voice trailed off as he stared in the direction of the door of the Hall. James turned in the direction his friend was staring in and he felt his mouth forming a small O at the sight of Sirius dragging Regulus by the wrist towards them. His best friend was telling something to his brother while Regulus looked like he wanted to run, his desperate eyes found James' even from a distance. Remus and Pandora were directly behind them, engaged in a conversation.
Oh, it's happening , James thought in anticipation. He didn't think this was the real reason behind his friends being late. Convincing Regulus must've been a real task. James wondered if Pandora came for emotional support or because she was hoping to see and talk to Lily. It might be a mixture of both.
"Oi! Why didn't you two wait for us?" Sirius asked when he saw James' and Peter's almost empty plates. The two of them shared a look and then shrugged.
"We're not willing to starve just because you're late," James answered, taking another bite out of his toast. Remus and Sirius took their usual spot, while Regulus sat down between Sirius and Pandora, opposite James.
If he was a stronger man perhaps he would try to hide the fondness that overwhelmed him from the inside, tugging at the corner of his lips and softening his gaze. He let it seep into his expression as he studied Regulus who looked like an overcautious cat, his eyes jumping everywhere until he found James' again.
"It's nice to meet you again, James!" Pandora said, looking genuinely happy to see him. "I hear so much about you, I feel like we are friends already." Most people knew James and his friends on some level but the way Pandora said it made him think that wasn't what she meant.
"You too! From Lily or Reg?" He asked, leaning a bit closer.
She opened her mouth but all that came out was, "Ouch." She shot a sharp look of annoyance at Regulus. "Ah, from everyone! It's nice to meet you too, Peter!"
Peter muttered back something to her but James didn't pay attention to them. Sirius put one piece of toast in front of Regulus.
Just one.
The ridiculousness of the sight almost made James laugh because this was a peace offering from Sirius. To Regulus. There was no way this was what Remus meant when he said that he should initiate things, he should've clarified what it meant.
Regulus thanked him with a tiny smile and James thought, Merlin's beard, is it working? Will Sirius solidify their relationship with a damn toast? James' head buzzed with impossibilities.
"Is Lily already finished with her breakfast?" Pandora asked, starling James out of his thoughts.
"Yeah, she always comes early," Remus answered her.
"Oh, what a pity! I still have to take the opportunity presented to me and ask James; Honeydukes or book store? Three broomsticks?"
James looked at her confused. "What about them?"
"Which one does Lily like the best?"
"You mean for a date? She likes books so that's a safe bet," James told her honestly.
"Which author do you—"
"Did you just come to gather information from James?" Regulus asked unhappily, his eyes looking stormy. Pandora pouted at him and then sighed.
"No, I was just curious," she said.
"James isn't the best person to ask advice from anyway," Sirius laughed and James already knew where this would go. "Right?"
"Very funny," James said dryly.
"How many times did she reject you?" Sirius asked and James narrowed his eyes at him. It would be great if his best friend didn't try to highlight just how much of a loser he used to be in front of his current object of affection.
"Four," James mumbled anyway. Peter and Sirius started cracking up at that while Remus sent an apologetic look. "I thought she might change her mind, okay?"
"Your fragile ego could never take four rejections," Regulus said suddenly, surprising James. It sounded a lot like he was defending him. "It's a miracle that you have a boyfriend."
Sirius opened his mouth to say something but then took a look at Remus and sighed dreamily. "Yeah, he is a miracle," Sirius said fondly. "Do you know how we got together?"
"No," Regulus said.
"Do you wanna know?"
"Sure."
Having heard the story many times before, James tuned out the conversation as he watched Regulus' side profile. He was listening to his brother so attentively, nodding and asking short questions. James hid his smile behind his hand. It was so sweet to see them truly interact with each other. Remus was Sirius' favourite topic so it was perfect.
Out of nowhere, James felt something brush against his leg, he sat up straighter in surprise and then looked under the table but there was nothing under there. He shrugged it off that it was just his imagination but then it happened again. Something caught his left leg.
He stared at the boy sitting in front of him as it slowly dawned on him that it was Regulus. He was holding his leg hostage with his own legs. James almost started laughing out loud at how silly it was. James retreated his leg, pulling it back entirely so it wouldn't be easy for the other to do it again. He picked at his breakfast and waited for the perfect moment and when he was sure Regulus wasn't expecting it, his legs shot out to capture him which he did successfully. Except James surprised Regulus so much that he jumped in his seat, startling the others around them.
"Are you okay?" Pandora and Sirius asked at the same time.
"Yeah, just a cramp," Regulus lied, shooting a mean glance in James' way. If Regulus started sitting there more often, James was going to have so much fun with it.
"She said yes!" Pandora sang happily as she hugged Regulus forcefully, nearly crushing him. She was much stronger than she looked. "I think she really likes me too. Her eyes were sparkling when she was looking at him."
"Are you sure it wasn't just the bracelet that you made her?" Regulus asked jokingly.
"I'm so sure that it wasn't the bracelet," she answered confidently as she let him go. "I don't know why I was so nervous. I was a dummy."
"Told you so," Regulus gloated.
"You're turn now," Pandora said, clapping her hands together and Regulus wanted to vomit. He couldn't. He couldn't confess to James as Pandora did to Lily.
"No."
"Oh, come on! It's a party, everyone is happy and the emotions are running high!" She threw her hands up like it was an exciting thing. It wasn't.
"I'd rather eat my wand."
"Runes are stupid," Sirius sighed from his bed, laying on his back with a book in his hand.
"They can be useful," Remus defended.
"How are you going to apply your knowledge of runes after we are done with school?" Sirius asked as he put the book down on the floor and looked at his boyfriend who was sitting at the foot of his bed.
"He can use it for divination," James answered. He doubted Remus would use it for that but it was an option.
"He's not gonna do that," Sirius objected while he was gesturing to Remus to abandon his book too and— Lay next to him? On top of him? Kiss him? James had no idea what he wanted but he was sure that Remus did.
"I heard you can preserve books and texts with runes too," Peter added from his own bed. Another not likely option.
"Or I can just use it to— I don't know, enhance things? Make things last longer?" Remus said slowly and refused to give in to Sirius' silent pleas. Every time he tried to resist him, it was a losing battle because Sirius always got what he wanted.
"Do you know that you can buy an enhanced version of whatever you need? Or just have someone make it for you," Sirius said simply.
"I like making things myself," Remus said, pouting as Sirius snatched the book out of his hands and placed it on top of his own then spread his arms wide enough for his boyfriend.
A pause.
Remus sighed loudly and then crawled to him.
He always gave in but that was true for Sirius as well. To James, it seemed like this whole process was part of their flirting routine, like this was their weird way of saying 'I love you so much I can't stay away, I'm forever drawn to you'. James looked away as they kissed each other and wondered what Regulus thought of his brother dating Remus and if he was happy for him like James was.
Regulus would certainly like Remus, if he kept hanging out with them.
"It was Moony's idea, right?" James asked suddenly.
He ignored the sound their lips made when Remus pulled his head back before asking, "Which idea?"
"You made Pads bring Regulus to breakfast, right?"
"Yeah."
"How'd you do it?" Peter asked curiously.
"I told him I wouldn't kiss him for two days," Remus explained with pride lurking in his voice.
"Threats. Classic," Peter said, sounding impressed.
"A truly terrifying one," James agreed. Sirius quickly picked up on the fact that they were making fun of him and pushed himself up as far as he could with Remus still laying on top of him.
"I only did it because I don't want to torture Moony with the absence of my kisses," Sirius argued and James already knew where this would go too; a lighthearted argument over who could go without snogging the longest. "I can do two days of no kissing just fine."
"No, you wouldn't."
"I absolutely would!"
"You wanna bet on it?"
"...No."
"Huh, I wonder why not."
James' attention shifted from them as he felt something land on him. He didn't see how the crane got into the dorm but it was here again, taunting him. He picked it up in his hand, analysing it carefully. He never paid attention to how perfectly the paper was folded, so securely and confidently. James would've loved to know if his person was always good at origami or if they got so good at it because of him. In the latter case, at least something good came out of this whole ordeal. For the mystery person, at least.
For James, it felt like he went through a journey reading them. His initial shock had faded into feeling flattered and stopped at making him feel bad, which was in no way the purpose of the sender. He refused to believe that it was. No one sent letters like this to cause pain, they did it because they were in pain.
As he studied the paper bird, it slowly dawned on him that he had been projecting his own feelings onto them and that could be why reading them became more painful each time. He didn't mean to. It just happened.
He tried to let go of the bad emotions, to give way to the excitement that he had felt when he unfolded the second crane.
"What do you do with all those notes anyway?" Peter asked when he noticed what James was holding.
"Keep them in my drawer," James answered. He kept them close to his bed so he could reread them easily, which he did from time to time. He had even tried to arrange the notes to see if the plants at the edge of the paper made some sort of symbol or hint. He got nothing.
"That drawer might be too small by the end of the year," Sirius said jokingly. He was sort of right because the messages came so frequently that it wouldn't take too long for it to be full.
"I could charm it to have more space on the inside," James said, not worrying about it. He wouldn't throw them away, no matter what. Even if he hated this person, he admired that someone could be so raw and honest with him. It would be even better if he knew who it was.
"Your mum's gonna flip out when she sees you coming home with a hundred kilogram worth of love letters," Sirius said laughing.
"She won't mind so much after she realises they are love letters." James was sure she wouldn't mind it. She would understand why he needed to keep every single one of them. At least, he hoped she would.
"She doesn't know about them?" Remus asked. The question made James grimace because she didn't.
"I sort of forgot about mentioning it to her in our letters," James admitted. "She's gonna get excited and ask me who it is. It's going to be so disappointing to tell her that I don't know."
"That's not your fault though," Peter reassured him. James thought of everything that Marlene had said to him the last time they talked about the notes. He had to do something.
"Yeah but maybe I should try to talk to them," James sighed. "Can we go to the library tomorrow and find some spell that will send the bird back?"
"So you can send your own messages? Finally!" Remus exclaimed. "I've been waiting for you to ask." In theory, reversing a spell like that shouldn't be hard because it was quite easy to charm letters to find other people. It would approximately take a few hours before they would find a spell they could use. The hardest part was coming up with what James should write.
Was a simple 'can we meet?' appropriate? It felt wrong in James' mind. He should thank the person for all the letters he had received in the past weeks. He should let them down gently and hope that James wouldn't remain a bitter memory in their brain.
To his surprise, the bird in his hand slowly unfolded without him doing anything. It was an impatient little crane.
I long for you during the day
I long for you during the night
I'll long for you forever
Three sentences—
That was how many sentences this person needed to express their love. So few words, yet so powerful. James didn't think he could write so little and tell so much at the same time. It had to be an art form of a sort.
"Do you think there's a reason behind the plant drawing?" James wondered out loud. It was more of a rhetorical question because nobody knew what it meant.
"What drawing?" Sirius asked. James turned the paper towards him and pointed at the doodle at the bottom of the page. "Oh, you mean the ivy?" James looked at the drawing again, eyebrows furrowed. So it was an ivy? That was also one of Marlene's guesses but it still wasn't much to go on.
"How did you know so quickly that it's an ivy?" Remus asked, astonished.
Now it was Sirius' turn to look confused. "What do you mean? Isn't it obvious? A love letter… and ivy… They go hand in hand. Everyone knows that."
Peter, James, and Remus looked at him puzzled, neither of them understanding how it was so obvious to Sirius or what he was talking about. James had seen love letters that other people made before, they would draw cute things on them like hearts or flowers but never an ivy.
"It doesn't make any sense to us, Pads," Peter told him. Sirius huffed in frustration as he attempted to explain it again.
" Je meurs où je m'attache ." Sirius said disbelievingly.
Still nothing.
" Je meurs où je m'attache , means I will cling to you or I'll die or, er, I die where I attach myself. It's always accompanied by an image of a wild ivy because ivy clings to things, just like this person clings to James. It represents love. It used to be a thing in France a long time ago but some people still like the imagery because it's romantic. Even Mother has a necklace with an ivy pendant from Father but she hasn't worn it since I was a kid." James felt the air freeze in his lungs as he continued to stare at Sirius.
Nobody knew what it meant.
Except for Sirius and his family.
Oh.
Oh.
"Don't look at me like that, Moony! I have brought you a notebook with a iv—" Sirius' voice faltered as he realised what they all did. "Oh."
"It's Regulus," James whispered, voice barely audible and slightly shaking as the new knowledge rattled his lungs. His friends turned towards him, their expression a mixture of many different emotions that James, at that moment, didn't care to analyse. "Where's the map?" He asked, pushing himself out of his bed and standing in front of them with trembling legs. Quickly, Peter reached under his pillow to take it out and hold it out for James who took it immediately and searched for Regulus' name on it.
"He's in the Astronomy Tower," James said.
His eyes met with Sirius'.
There was a weak smile on his face before he said, "Go."
And so James ran as fast as he could, his heart beating loudly in his ears while his brain chanted Regulus' name over and over again. He nearly ran into an opening door twice and on the second one, he hit his shoulder against the heavy wood. His brain barely recognised the dull ache of the impact because every cell in his body was focused on getting there as soon as he could.
He didn't know what he was expecting but Regulus sitting on the floor with another paper crane in his hand was not it. Regulus' face morphed into horror as the bird got free of his hands and flew straight at James. It fell on the ground after hitting him in the stomach.
For a second that felt infinite, they stared at each other.
Regulus looked like he wanted to run but then James' knees hit the floor next to him and his arm slipped around the younger boy's body, pulling him into a tight hug. James couldn't speak, he was completely breathless so he buried his face into Regulus' shoulder, breathing heavily. After a second or two, Regulus finally hugged him back just as tightly and James' eyes stung so bad, he was afraid that he would start crying but the longer Regulus held him the better he felt.
Reluctantly, James pulled back but not too far, his hands found Regulus' face, tilting it so he couldn't look away from him. "It is you," James whispered happily. "Merlin, it's you." Regulus looked uncertain, wary but at James' words, his expression broke, revealing something desperate and broken. He looked so, so beautiful.
"It's me," Regulus echoed.
"How…That day, the bird came while you were sitting in front of me."
"I asked Pandora to do it for me," he explained with a small smile. "I wanted to see you read it." James let out a weak, broken laugh, his lung burning and eyes stinging as he damned himself for underestimating Regulus.
"That's mad," James whispered to himself disbelievingly. "You confused me so much. I thought the ivy was some sort of puzzle for me to solve. I had no idea what it meant."
"You didn't?"
"If I had known sooner…" A sharp inhale. "You like me," James breathed, his voice full of relief as the realisation hit him again.
"I love you," Regulus corrected him gently and James felt his ribs crack with the love he felt for the other. Regulus tilted his head forward just enough for their forehead to touch.
"You love me," James repeated, marvelling at the way the words sounded. He couldn't get enough of hearing them, as soon as the words left Regulus' lips he wanted to hear them again and again. "You love me like I love you."
For the first time in James' presence, Regulus giggled. "You do? You're mad, so utterly and irretrievably mad and you ruin me with it."
"I'm mad?" James asked, almost offended. "You have to thank yourself for that. I have been feeling horrible because I kept receiving these love letters while knowing I'd never like them back because I only want you. Except it was all you. You ruined me."
"You told me to reach for things even if I think they are impossible," Regulus told him matter-of-factly but James couldn't stop staring at his hands holding Regulus's face, even if they were slightly shaking. He was holding him so gently, so carefully. The way he deserved to be held. "I'm reaching for you."
"And I was right. Impossible things can be possible," James said smiling, thinking of the first note he recived. "You have me, so please, ask for my love. I'll keep your heart safe anyway."
"I want your love, James," Regulus said quietly, his breath hitching in his throat before continuing, "And I want you to kiss me." James' stomach flipped, a sea of want surging through his body as his eyes found Regulus' lips. They looked so inviting, so soft and so kissable. They were so close, their heartbeats racing wildly between them and James could barely feel his legs as leaned forward, guiding their lips together.
James would swear they were meant to be as their lips meet and he was flooded with this, this, and only this. It was so right, so effortlessly right in every way. It was nothing more than a soft press of Regulus' lips but James knew he would never get tired of this. He wanted to pull back and look at the other's face. He wanted to see if Regulus was as affected by it as he was but when Regulus felt James' hands slip from his face and his mouth retreating, he pulled James by his neck as he moved into the other's lap and kissed him harder.
And there it was. The longing, the desperation, and the hunger from the letters surfaced violently as Regulus kissed him thoroughly and passionately, possessively claiming James' mouth as his own. The hands that once felt so cold in his own were burning into his skin, marking him forever as his scent surrounded him, and overwhelmed all his senses.
James was falling.
He was falling apart under Regulus' urgent lips and needy hands.
He wrapped his arms around the other's middle and manoeuvred them until Regulus was on his back and James was above him and between his thighs. They both groaned as their hips met, their lips finally detaching and James didn't waste time bringing his lips to Regulus' wonderful neck. He pressed a lingering kiss there.
"Your sweet, sweet honey boy?"James asked, quoting one of the letters as he gently bit into the spot where his neck and shoulder met before Regulus could form an answer, making him moan. "I don't think I'll ever let you rest again."
Regulus let out a weak laugh which quickly died in his throat when James started sucking marks into his pale skin."D-Don't use my words against me," he demanded unconvincingly. Regulus' hand slipped down his body and under James' shirt, touching his abs with a gentle and lingering touch.
"Can I get one now?" James asked, drawing his head back and admiring his work on the other's neck.
Regulus' eyes were hazy and dark, making James regret that he stopped kissing him."Get what?"
"A proper compliment."
Surprise quickly changed into amusement on Regulus' face. He cupped James' face, pulling him close enough for a kiss while his other hand was delicately scratching his oversensitive skin, making James' stomach tense involuntarily. "I was so mean to you," Regulus whispered, drawing out the syllables and the other boy shivered in response. Regulus sounded so alluring, so arousing that James had to ground himself before he lost his mind so he grabbed Regulus' waist, trying so hard not to slip away. "I'm sorry," Regulus continued, tilting his head to press a kiss to James' forehead. "You're so lovely." Then another kiss to his cheek. "So beautiful." Then to the corner of his lips. "So undeniably wonderful." James anticipated the next kiss would be on his lips but instead, Regulus paused. "I lied. I lied because I didn't want you to know that I wanted you so much. That I'm so taken with you."
"I forgive you if you kiss me again," James offered, not trying to hide the fact that he already missed his lips.
Regulus hummed. "Deal."
Then they were kissing again, less desperately but still full of yearning. James' stomach dropped and churned at the sensation of Regulus licking his lower lip and then he sank his teeth into it until James gasped and let him in. He felt lightheaded as their tongues met and he knew instantly that this was his new favourite thing.
He shifted to kiss Regulus from a new angle, wanting to explore his mouth in every way, and the movement caused their bodies to press against each other harder. James couldn't swallow the moan emerging from his lips when he felt the other pressing against him hard and wanting. The knowledge that he did that to Regulus made him dizzy with want and the other was probably experiencing the same thing, judging from Regulus' wandering hand that slipped from under his shirt and grazed the front of the other boy's pants. James let out an embarrassingly high pitched moan against Regulus' lip as he cupped him through his pants. His hand immediately grabbed Regulus' wrist, drawing him away from him, and pulled back to look at the other confused boy.
"Don't," James said, gasping for air. "I want to take you on a date and treat you well." The confusion faded a bit but it was still present on Regulus' face. "Please, go on a date with me! I'll be good for you, Reg, I'll be so good for you," James asked and finally, the other boy smiled at him widely.
"Of course, I'll go," he said but then his expression shifted into something soft and innocent. "But don't you want me?" James stared at him, shocked and burning with desire. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he realised that Regulus was trying to get his way but James was already falling right into his hands. He dropped his head into Regulus' neck to hide his flushed face.
"How could I not want you?" James mumbled against the skin of his shoulder peeking out of his shirt. Regulus cupped the back of his neck, patting him innocently like he wasn't trying his best to seduce James, and thrust his hips against the older's.
"Please, Jamie, I've wanted you for so long," Regulus whispered and James' resolve shattered into many tiny pieces on the floor as he purposefully rolled his hips down. He couldn't pull away, not when Regulus was asking so nicely, not when he was saying his name like that.
He gave in.
And he knew Regulus would be the end of him.
James' words rang loudly in his ears even two hours later.
'Maybe all you need to do is reach out and take it but you won't because you think that it's impossible.'
Regulus wished he had that kind of optimism that James had and wished that he was brave enough to face him but nothing felt more impossible than being loved by James in the romantic, head over heels kind of way.
He thought of their second conversation when James said that he wanted love to find him.
He wasn't sure he was the best candidate but Regulus wanted to chase him in his own quiet way. Selfishly, he wanted James to know that someone loved him and wanted that to make him happy.
He didn't have the guts but maybe this would be enough.
He looked down at the paper in front of him and started folding.
It took a bit of coaxing for Regulus to agree to sleep with him in his dorm but he eventually said yes and James was the happiest man in all of Hogwarts. He didn't want to be away from him, not so soon. He only just got Regulus, he wanted to keep him for himself.
When they slipped into James' bed and held each other, James felt like everything was finally coming together. He couldn't stop stealing kisses and whispering things to Regulus, who was happily enjoying the attention he was receiving. He admired the little stars in his pretty boy's eyes as he studied James with so much unconcealed love. It all made James hate the concept of sleeping because he didn't want to close his eyes, he wanted to keep looking until he could recall every little detail of Regulus' face.
The next morning, his friends only looked mildly surprised to see Regulus in their room. Sirius only froze when he saw the love bites on Regulus' neck and that was when he started mumbling something akin to 'I didn't see it, it's not there' and quickly left to take a shower. James felt immensely grateful that nobody made a big deal out of it. Although he knew Peter would have some things to say to him but only when Regulus wasn't here. As for Remus, he just winked at James and whispered to him, "I have to give it to you, dating Regulus is a great addition to your plan. They have to get on well with each other now. " James pressed the back of his hand to his mouth to hide his laughter. Dating Regulus was never part of the plan but it was a gift to James. Maybe a blessing even. He was sure that he would never let him slip from his fingers now that he got him.
Regulus only saw a flash of white before he caught it in his hands. He couldn't hold back the soft laugh that left his mouth as he realised that he was holding a paper crane. Just like the ones he used to send to James. It unfolded in his palm and he slowly read the note, drinking up and treasuring every single word.
how unfair it is that you've been pouring your heart to me for so long
and I had no idea.
I refuse to let that go or accept it. So from now on, I'll write to you as you did to me! I'll write to you when I miss you and when you're next to me. I'll write to you when you're sad or when life feels too heavy. I'll write to you just how much I miss your lips, and when you're in my arms, I'll whisper it against your mouth.
I'll write to you so you will fall even more deeply for me.
with each letter, I'll let you unfold me the way you unfolded your heart for me.
always yours,
James
Notes:
Reg : What do you mean nobody knows this very niche symbolism and french phrase that we have known out whole lives?? what do you mean it's not common knowledge? smh
anyway i wrote a tiny, little one shot about James buying Regulus a normal chess set *bc u know, so if ur not sick of my chess bullshit u can go and read that too u.u
that's all. thank you for reading3 i hope yall enjoyed it333