Disclaimer: I don't own anything that doesn't belong to me.

…

Vee thought that nothing could top the moment her mother (informally) adopted her, acknowledged her as her true daughter, and promised she would always have a home with her as the most unbelievable thing that would ever happen in her life.

Then her sister and her friends came home one stormy night, looking like they had just gotten back from the wars, which wasn't entirely far off.

Then she somehow became siblings with the Golden Guard, who, as it turned out, had a lot more in common with her than she could ever have imagined.

And then it turned out that Emperor Belos was somehow still alive, had followed her sister and friends back to her new home, possessed her brother, murdered sweet Flapjack, and everyone had to chase after him back to the Demon Realm.

And then, most unbelievable of all, she'd somehow managed to snag Masha as her joyfriend.

By that point Vee should've known better than to assume nothing would ever surprise her again, so honestly, she was asking for it when her sister returned from the Demon Realm a second time having undergone an unimaginable transformation.

It all started innocently enough, which, in hindsight, probably should've been a sign of things to come.

She'd been watching nature documentaries with Masha (re: coiled around them and making out while a zoologist was enthusiastically discussing the mating habits of Penguins and how they could get so horny they would hump a corpse for hours without realizing – or, perhaps, caring – it was dead) when her nostrils flared, and she smelled the most wonderful, delectable scent in her life.

That was all the warning she got before the front door slammed open and her sister – because it was quite obviously her sister, even though she now had gold eyes, dark fur, thick fluffy hair, horns, bony claws and other protrusions, a staff, a witch hat, and a glowing symbol on her chest – burst in, shouting, "I'm back, witch!"

Vee and Masha stared at her.

Luz stared back.

"… I should've checked to make sure you were the only one home before making a big entrance, Should Die?" Luz asked calmly.

"You should have, yes," Vee agreed, struggling not to drool. Why did her sister smell so good?! The sheer amount of magic radiating off of her… It was even denser than Belos, but pure and sweet and lacking the sheer rottenness of the wicked Emperor. She wasn't even trying to feed and yet she already felt fuller than she had in weeks.

And still wanted more.

"Luz, mija, was that really necessary?" An exhausted looking Camila asked, stepping in behind her daughter, and Vee kicked herself for not noticing her beloved mami was back sooner.

"Yes," Luz said. "So, um… Masha? I don't suppose you'll believe that this is a very good costume?"

"Luz, your sister has me wrapped in her coils, I think that ship has sailed," Masha said bluntly. "Also, holy goddess, what the hell happened to you, you look hot!"

"Hey!" Vee protested.

"Don't worry, sweetie, I still prefer scales to fur," Masha promised, kissing her and causing her entire body to turn red.

"You'd better, because she's mine!" Amity, who Vee had also somehow failed to notice, shouted, having a death grip on Luz's arm while occasionally sniffing her hair in a totally not-creepy way.

"When did this happen?" Luz asked in excitement, waving at Masha.

"I asked them out while you were gone," Vee declared, puffing up her chest with pride.

"You stared at me in silence for several minutes, threw a bouquet at my face, then ran out screaming," Masha reminded her, causing Vee to deflate and Luz to burst into laughter. "The next time I saw you I asked if you wanted to go out and you screamed 'Jinkies' and passed out, then immediately said yes when you came to."

"You are absolutely a Noceda," her sister guffawed like the traitor she was.

"Still not as bad as the time I first asked Manny out," Camilla called fondly. "I'm so proud of you, mija! You make such a lovely couple!"

Vee blushed as Masha hugged her. "Th-thanks, Mami. So when did this happen?" Vee asked, gesturing at Luz.

"Oh, I died-" Luz started casually.

"You died?!" Vee and Masha shrieked.

"Yeah, but it wasn't a big deal-" Luz began, only to pause. "Okay, that's a lie, it actually was a very big deal and it hurt like hell and it was super scary and I really don't want to ever go through something as horrific as that again but hey, I had to protect the Collector-"

"Wait, I thought the Collector was a bad guy," Vee interrupted in confusion.

"No, it turned out they were just a very lonely and misguided kid with nigh-unlimited cosmic powers who didn't understand how breakable people without unlimited cosmic powers were, he was actually really sweet once we got to know him," Luz explained. "Anyway, the cancer turned into a kaiju-"

"The cancer?" Vee interrupted again, even more confused now.

"Luz refuses to refer to Belos as anything other than 'the cancer,'" Amity helpfully explained.

"Why?" Vee asked.

"Because that's what it was," Luz said as if it were obvious.

Vee considered this for a moment before admitting that yeah, her sister was right, Belos had been the living embodiment of rot and decay, cancer was a good label for him.

Or it. Considering how often Belos – sorry, the cancer had referred to her and the other basilisks as "it," turning it back on it felt weirdly satisfying.

"Anyway," Luz continued. "The cancer turned into a kaiju, and the Collector did a Stephanie Galaxy and tried to befriend it-"

"What! Why would they try to do that?!" An incredulous Vee demanded.

"In their defense, we just did the same to him. Anyway, the cancer didn't bite and tried to blast him, I took the blow, and I… Well. Died," Luz said, looking uncomfortable for a minute, as did Camilla and Amity. "But! On the bright side, I went to the afterlife and met the Titan – and hey, good news, the afterlife exists, meaning we no longer need to fear death-"

"You met the Titan?!" Vee shrieked, though honestly, she was starting to wonder why she was surprised by this anymore.

Luz nodded. "Yeah, pretty decent guy, really rocked the dad bod."

"Luz, please don't refer to the Titan as having a 'dad bod,'" Amity whimpered.

"Well, he did!" Luz said defensively. "And a worm sticking out of his eye resembling Hooty, which, one, gross, two, has a lot of uncomfortable implications-"

"What's a Hooty?" Masha interrupted.

"We ask that question all the time," Camilla said, a haunted look in her eyes.

"We may never know the answer," Amity agreed morbidly.

"You met God?!" Masha asked, enraptured.

"No, I met the Titan," Liz corrected her, then admitted, "Which is basically the same thing. Anyway, he set me straight on a lot of stuff, gave me his powers – and this rockin' bod!"

"Which I will thank him for forever and ever," Amity whimpered gleefully.

"Then I reunited with King and Eda – oh, this is King, by the way, forgot to mention him," Luz said, lifting her right leg, which an absolutely adorable furry black thing with a skull for a head was clinging to. "He hasn't let go of me since we passed through the portal."

"The last time you went through a portal without me, I didn't see you for months!" The perfect little baby cried in indignation. "It was incredibly traumatizing!"

"Hermano, we were all traumatized," Luz reminded him cheerfully. "By the way, King is our little brother."

This last bit was said with such conviction Vee immediately accepted this without question. "Hi, cutie! Welcome to the family! I'm your big sister, Vee!"

"Hey," King said.

"I want one so badly," Masha whimpered, biting their lip.

"Tough, I'm the next-to-last of my kind!" King said proudly, only for his face to fall. "Oh yeah, I'm the next-to-last of my kind, I made myself sad."

"Next-to-last?" Masha asked.

"He was the last Titan, but then his dad did this to me, so I'm a Titan too," Luz explained. "Which makes him my dad now, too!"

"Still not sure how to feel about that one," Camila admitted.

"Ohhhh."

"Lucky," Vee muttered. "As far as I know, I'm the last basilisks."

"Oh no, we managed to find the others who escaped the lab, you're not the last of your kind anymore," Camila assured her.

"Really?!" Vee cried in excitement.

"There are more of you?" Masha whispered hopefully, eyes gleaming.

"Yeah, we can introduce you later. Anyway, so I reunited with King and Eda-" Luz began.

"And we kicked the cancer's butt!" King shouted.

"Yes, it was extremely anime," Luz agreed. "And now it's dead forever."

"That's what you thought before," Vee pointed out in concern. "Then it turned out it was possessing Hunter and tried to kill us, and him, and actually murdered Flapjack."

Speaking of Hunter, where was he? Where was her brother? He had to be okay, right?

"No, it's really dead this time, we made sure," Luz said firmly. "Its body was already falling apart, and I summoned some boiling rain to melt it down and finish the process."

"And then mom and Nobi and I stomped what remained to make absolutely sure it was dead for good!" King said happily.

"Oh yeah, you have a second mom and a Nobi now," Luz informed Vee.

"Okay," Vee accepted without question, because really, what else could she do at this point? She frowned. "That all sounds really awesome! Now I'm kind of wishing I hadn't stayed behind. It sounds like I missed out on a ton!"

"Oh yeah, you did," Luz agreed. "I've got my own palisman finally! Meet Stringbean!"

Her staff vanished in a flash of – absolutely delectable – magic, replaced by just the absolute cutest thing she'd ever seen, this precious fuzzy little dark purple snake with a white face and pearls for a rattle and shining happy eyes and this tiny little forked tongue which flicked out of its mouth and oh gosh she was absolutely perfect and she loved her and she just met her but if anything happened to her she would kill everyone in the world and then herself.

From the happy gibberish Masha was spewing, she wasn't the only one who felt that way.

"She's a snakeshifter!" Luz explained as she tickled Stringbean under the chin, causing her to squeak and transform into a bat, then a cat, then a snake again. "Isn't she just the greatest?"

"Ghost certainly thinks so," Amity agreed as her white cat Palisman climbed onto her shoulder and stared at Stringbean in rapt adoration, mirroring the way her mistress stared at Luz.

"Oh yeah, I ship them," Masha said, voice low and heavy.

"She's a shapeshifting snake! Like me!" Vee squealed in delight. "Were you thinking of me when you hatched her?!"

"… Yes. That is absolutely what I did," Luz said slowly, eyes darting about shiftily.

"I can't believe I missed her hatching! I was so looking forward to it!" Vee complained. "Dang it, I really should have come with you!"

"If you had, we wouldn't have gotten together," Masha reminded her, squeezing her hand. "Also, everyone would freak out about your entire family disappearing out of the blue and bring way too much scrutiny on you all."

"Oh, that's true," Vee conceded. "By the way, Mami, you forgot to leave me your car keys so I had to hotwire it to get home."

"When did you learn how to hotwire a car?!" Camila cried.

"Internet."

"Nice," Luz said in approval. "You're totally a member of the Bad Girl Coven now."

Vee preened at this.

"So, let me get this straight. You died, met God or the equivalent thereof, came back to life as an incredibly badass and gorgeous demon sorceress, and beat the shit out of a centuries old genocidal white male colonizer before melting it and stomping it to death," Masha asked, awestruck. "Does that make you witch Jesus?"

"What's a Jesus?" King asked.

"That is a very long and difficult subject I don't even know how to begin to explain," Camila said wearily.

"What? No, of course not!" Luz scoffed, only to pause and consider this for a moment. "Wait. Hang on. Mami, am I Witch Jesus? Would that be super blasphemous to say?"

"Luz, sweetie, everything I thought I knew about the universe has been completely rewritten in the last several months," Camila said tiredly. "I don't even know if our God exists anymore, if a demonstrably real one brought you back from the dead to save the world you might as well be a magic Messiah."

"You'll always be my Messiah," Amity said reverently.

"Oh. Well. I guess that's okay, then, as long as nobody starts worshiping me or forms a religion or something," Luz said awkwardly.

"They're definitely going to form a religion," King said bluntly.

"Oh, absolutely," Vee agreed.

"I'll be the first one to sign up," Amity said eagerly.

"Crud," Luz groaned. "And we just dismantled one corrupt theocracy… Gonna have to try and nip this in the bud…"

"You know, Vee, I'm starting to wonder if I fell for the wrong twin," Masha commented, still staring at Luz.

"What?!" Vee cried.

"Kidding!" Masha said. "… Mostly."

"WHAT?!"

King looked from Vee to Luz and back again. "Uh, Luz, I know not all twins look as creepily alike as Amity's siblings, but…"

"We don't look that much alike but we're siblings," Luz reminded him.

King pointed at her horns, and fur, and bones, and glowing eyes.

"I didn't always have these," she said defensively.

"Where is everybody else? Are they okay?" Vee asked nervously.

"Everyone's fine, mija," Camila assured her, to her relief. "Nobody died. Except Luz. Temporarily." She stared into the distance. "Still haven't fully processed that."

"Willow and Gus are showing their dads around town and will be back later," Luz explained.

"Is that wise?" Vee asked in concern.

"Probably not!" Luz admitted cheerfully. "As for Hunter…"

"I'm here," her brother said, leaning against the doorframe and trying and failing to look cool, as usual.

"Hunter!" Vee squealed happily, leaping off the couch and wrapping her body around him in a hug. He tensed briefly, panic flashing in his eyes, but relaxed a minute later at the familiar contact. "I was so worried about you! I knew Luz would be fine, but you are the one I was most worried about!"

"Why does everyone keep saying that?" Hunter complained.

"You are kind of hopeless," Amity pointed out.

"I've fought monsters and demons unlike anything you can imagine! I've trained as a soldier under the harshest conditions possible! I survived-" his voice faltered for a minute. "I survived living with the cancer my entire life!"

"You cried like a baby when watching Wolfwalkers," Vee reminded him.

"We all did!"

"There there, it's okay now," Vee cooed, petting Hunter on the head and rubbing her cheek against his. "Your big sister Vee is here to take care of you again."

"Still not sure I'm younger than you," he grumbled.

"Didn't those notes we find indicate that the cancer made the basilisks while your predecessor was still-" Luz started.

"That's circumstantial evidence at best!" He cried, reddening.

Camila sighed happily. "It's so good to see my children all together again."

"Including me!" King piped up. "I'm the baby! Gotta love me!"

"Yes, we do," Luz agreed fondly. "Now never say that again." She considered. "Also, Hunter might be the baby-"

"Am not!"

Vee gave Hunter a concerned look. "I heard the cancer turned into a kaiju? And… It's really dead this time?"

"It really is," Hunter confirmed, and the last shreds of doubt Vee had left her. Yes, Luz and King had said it was dead, but if Hunter believed it as well…

"I know Luz got to fight him, but did you at least get a few knocks in?" Vee asked her brother.

He shook his head. "No, and I'm okay with that. I told the cancer I never wanted to see it again. And thanks to Luz, I never had to. It's over. It's… Finally over."

"… I'm glad."

Suddenly, Luz enfolded both of them in her furry, bony, very strong, very good smelling arms. "Sibling hug!" She exclaimed. "Family reunions are wonderful! Which is why, Vee, I also wanted to introduce you to the rest of ours!"

Vee blinked. "The rest…?"

Hunter turned pale. "Run."

But, of course, it was already too late. "First, our other mother Eda and nobi Raine!"

"Hey kids!" A silver haired one-armed woman who could only be Eda the infamous Owl Lady shouted as she barged into the room. "Good to see you! Where do you keep the silverware?"

"Eda, no," a tan skinned witch with mint green hair said in exasperation. "Also, Luz, I appreciate the thought, but I'm not your nobi, Eda and I… I mean, we aren't… That is to say, I'd like to, but…"

Eda grinned at him. "Oh? What would you like to, Rainestorm?"

They turned very red and started gibbering.

Masha gasped, eyes sparkling. "A non-binary witch? That's amazing! Teach me everything you know!"

Raine gave her a confused look and adjusted their glasses. "What? Well, I already have three students, but I suppose… Can you play an instrument?"

"I'm tone deaf."

"Then I can't help you," Raine admitted, to their disappointment.

"And their kids – which makes them our future stepsiblings – Derwin, Amber, and Katya!" Luz announced as three young witches entered the room.

"Luz, I told you, they're my students, not my children," Raine said wearily.

"Yes they are," Eda told them.

"Yes we are," the trio chorused.

Raine flushed.

"And Cool Aunt Lilith!" Luz continued.

A redheaded woman wearing glasses poked her head into the room. "Eda, the banisters in the human world look almost identical to the ones back home! But why? Is it convergent design evolution? An exchange of ideas between worlds? I must know more!"

"Wow, she is cool," an impressed Vee observed.

"And Abuela Glenn and Abuelo Dell!"

"I can't believe it… I have a basilisk as a granddaughter!" An old woman bearing a strong family resemblance to Eda and Lilith gushed, stretching Vee's cheeks. "And two Titans for other grandchildren, who saved our entire world! That'll definitely shut up Debrath, going on and on about how her kids are high up in the covens, especially since those no longer exist!"

"And I have a grandson who will be my apprentice in the family business, carving new palismans," an old one-eyed man said proudly as he clapped Hunter on the shoulder, causing him to look at him in shy adoration. "That's more than good enough for me."

"You have no idea how happy that makes me," Hunter whispered, tearing up.

"And Hunter's dad and his platonic life partner, Darius and Eberwolf!"

"Wait, the Coven Heads?!" Vee yelled as an incredibly dapper black man and a very scruffy, hairy, kind of cute orange beast demon entered.

"Retired Coven Heads. So, this is the Human Realm I've heard so much about," Darius sniffed. "I have to say, I'm not impressed."

Camila scowled at him, then snapped at Eberwolf, "No! Not in the house! Either outside or in the toilet!"

The beast grunted and lowered their hind leg.

"And your future cousins and uncle in law, Emira, Edric, and Alador Blight!"

"Hey, cuties!" A very pretty girl with long dark green hair chirped, winking at them.

"More new family! I'd hug you but apparently I'm not supposed to break my arms again," complained a green haired boy in a full body cast.

"Wait, where's dad?" Amity asked in concern.

"Taking apart that weird machine out front," Emira said.

"My car!" Camila shouted, rushing outside.

"There's also your aunt in law, but we didn't bring her back here, because she's terrible and everyone hates her," Luz said cheerfully.

"Also because she's going to spend life in prison," Amity added.

"You know, once we actually build a new prison," Emira commented.

"I will not visit her there!" Edric said happily.

"Normally I'm opposed to prisons on principle, but yeah, it's probably for the best she gets locked up forever," Eda agreed. "Can think of a few other witches and demons I'd like to see in there with her…"

"Speaking of, this is Kikimora!" Luz said, lifting a very confused red gremlin with a hand for hair.

"WHY AM I HERE?!" The tiny demon screamed.

"A very good question," Luz admitted, casually throwing her over her shoulder. "Also, there's Hooty, the house demon who more or less defies description and bears as little thinking about as possible, currently outside hitting on our house."

"So, good looking, when's the last time you got your gutters cleaned?" The most horrifying voice Vee had ever heard, worse even than the cancer, croaked from outside. "That's some niiiiiiiiiiiice siding… And I like a house with good, sturdy foundations!"

"Hooty, cut that out!" Camila yelled, also from outside. "And Mr. Blight, stop disassembling my engine block this instant!"

"Don't worry, I know what I'm doing," a very tired voice assured her.

There was the sound of an explosion.

"Okay, maybe not."

Camila started cursing up a storm.

"And also, there's Steve!" Luz finished, indicating an incredibly cool looking horned witch wearing a leather jacket. "He's not actually part of the family, but he's incredibly popular for reasons which escape me so we brought him along anyway."

"Hey," said Steve.

"And that's our entire new family!" Luz concluded.

A pair of basilisks coughed awkwardly.

"Oh right, and your long-lost siblings are here as well, sorry, I forgot."

"Three?! Four?!" Vee shrieked in astonishment and delight.

Masha moaned lustfully. "Oh fuck there's more of them."

"And that's everyone! Wait, are we forgetting anyone?" Luz asked, glancing around the incredibly crowded room. "No? Good? Okay then, I'm pretty sure we're all here. The whole extended family!"

"Hi!" Everyone yelled at Vee, who teared up in joy at how quickly her family had grown. Once, she was a lonely lost will basilisks, and now she had so many people in her life who loved her unconditionally! She'd never thought she would ever be this happy.

"… Goddess, Vee, your family is insane," Masha whispered in adoration.

"Yeah, tell me about it," Vee agreed, somewhat dazzled, beginning to tear up.

"I'm so looking forward to becoming a part of it."

"Yeah… Wait, what-"

Without warning, Jacob Hopkins smashed through a window, wearing a full suit of armor and brandishing a plastic sword. "All right, demon, prepare to be…"

He paused, staring at the absolutely massive crowd of witches and demons in the house.

They stared right back.

He coughed awkwardly. "Oh. I'll… I'll just be going then," he mumbled, jumping back out the window, never to be heard from again.

(Because Hooty ate him.)