Subaru sat at the desk in his room, surrounded by the familiar four walls that had become his refuge in the strange new world he found himself in. Despite the feast he had just enjoyed, the morning's events consumed his mind. His mind was racing with thoughts about Emilia and her chances in the Royal Selection and the role he might play in helping her succeed.
He replayed the conversation with Roswaal and the others, trying to decipher their reactions to his bold demands. He had been confident, but now he wasn't sure. Would his actions cause problems for Emilia and her chances in the Selection?
Subaru sighed, feeling the weight of uncertainty settles on his shoulders. He tried to help Emilia but didn't want to damage his relationships. He didn't want to cause trouble for the people who welcomed him into their home. He needed to find a way to read Roswaal, understand his motivations, and see if he was genuinely committed to supporting Emilia.
Subaru leaned back in his chair, rubbing his temples as he tried to find a solution to his dilemma. He needed to find a way to get the information he needed without causing any harm. He had to be careful, and he needed a plan.
Well, regardless, what I did was necessary. If I didn't act that way, it would've been much harder to figure out Roswaal's eye-accessing cues. Roswaal was already hard to read as he seemed to have the same vocal tonality and body language regardless of what I said, so completing my goal of knowing Roswaal's eye-accessing cues was something important to accomplish. Now I have two issues, one being the residents' opinion of me in this mansion, more importantly, Emilia, not to mention Puck, who seems like a burden to both Emilia and myself.
The only two people that seemed unbothered by my actions were Roswaal. More than likely, Beatrice figured out that I had a goal I was attempting to reach by acting how I did. Beatrice would be the perfect spirit partner for me. Her intelligence, understanding of this world, and, more importantly, my knowledge of her would make for one fantastic friendship and subordinate. I can also tell that Emilia seems to have a reason for wanting to become the King of Luginca that isn't related to her desire. Oddly, she is almost doing this to accomplish something else, which makes me even more confused about her true goal.
Subaru walked down the hallway, his footsteps echoing on the hardwood floor. He was deep in thought, trying to anticipate Beatrice's possible objections. He knew she was a recluse, preferring to spend her time in the library than interacting with the other mansion residents. However, he felt she was the only one who could help him with his plan.
As he approached the library, he took a deep breath, gathering his courage. He pushed the heavy wooden door open, letting out a soft creak as it swung open. The room was quiet, save for the sound of pages turning and the occasional rustling of a book. The shelves were lined with tomes of every size and color, and the musty smell of old paper filled the air.
Beatrice was sitting at a desk in the corner of the room, her back to Subaru. He approached her, trying to make as little noise as possible. When he was a few feet away, she suddenly turned around, her eyes locking onto his.
"What do you want?" she asked, her voice cold.
"Beatrice, you're a spirit, similar to Puck. As you know, I have no real knowledge or understanding of this world. Still, I would assume I could contract you similarly to how Emilia contracted Puck. I value your intelligence, knowledge, and understanding of this unfamiliar world. Still, more importantly, I want to help you." Subaru responded with a severe tone to convey his intentions.
Beatrice looked at Subaru, remembering the weird actions Subaru did during breakfast.
"Betty wants to know why you acted as you did during breakfast. What was your goal? Also, what do you mean by you want to help Betty? What do you know about Betty's life?" Beatrice asked, her tone switching from cold to curiosity and a hint of sadness.
"Beatrice, I'll just be honest. This idea is just something I'm guessing, and I already assume I'll be wrong, but you act similarly to how I acted before I came here. You know what will happen, and you know your future which makes life boring. If you understand your future or know the events that will play out before it happens, it ruins the point of existing itself. It ruins the point of living, which is a purpose. If you already know your purpose and your future, nothing matters. In other words, you become a tool to cause and effect, a pawn in the grand scheme of existence. Before I was sent to this world, I was about to end my life, and moments before I would've, I got sent here." Subaru says with a bit of sadness and regret as he reaches for his pocket to display the knife he referred to when he stated he would end his life.
Beatrice was taken aback by Subaru's bold proposal. In all her years as a powerful spirit, she had encountered numerous individuals who sought to contact her. Still, none had ever approached her with such candidness and openness. Subaru had not only compared his own struggles to those of a human's, a comparison that Beatrice found distasteful, but he had also revealed the depth of his curse, confessing that it had driven him to the brink of taking his own life. The mention of his curse made Beatrice curious, and she couldn't resist the urge to check her black book for any information about him. However, as she flipped through the pages, she was disappointed that they remained blank and devoid of information.
"Subaru, you are right about your completely wrong assessment of Betty. But… tell me what you mean when you said knowing the future drove you to suicide…." Beatrice asked, concerned she may be asking something too personal but wanted to understand what Subaru meant.
Subaru instantly responded, "Say your future tells you you cannot save the life of your closest friend. No matter what you do, they will die. Duality itself forces this to be true. You will undoubtedly find yourself in a situation like that regardless of if you know the future outcome. Still, the pain of knowing it and being unable to do anything ruins the point of existing. In other words, absolute knowledge is an absolute curse."
"What does duality mean, I suppose?" Beatrice asked, confused.
"It's a philosophical term from my world. It's the argument of yin and yang or the balance of negative and positive events. For example, the intent to create peace often instigates war, hatred is born out of love, and the concept of victors will always lead to the vanquished. Does this concept seem applicable to this world as well?" Subaru asked if duality functioned the same in this world, but from what he's seen, it functions the same. A universal law that would affect any world or reality.
Beatrice's mind began to race as she considered the idea of duality that Subaru had brought up. Despite her extensive life of four hundred years, she had never considered that this concept of duality was not just a coincidence but a fundamental aspect of the world itself. As she thought back on her experiences and memories, she was astounded to see that instances of duality were a recurring theme. However, despite its prevalence, she had never before recognized the concept as a defining characteristic of the world.
She is thinking of her life. She'll likely come to the same conclusion as I do, or the concept of duality functions differently in this world. Either or her response will help me understand this world even further.
"Betty doesn't understand her purpose. This book was supposed to tell me who would be the person. Mother only said the person would be 'that person.'" Beatrice said, pointing out the book to Subaru.
So, I was wrong. So wrong that my idea was the polar opposite of the truth. However, I am curious about what she meant by mother and that person. I can only assume that person is the one to be to contact her. However, I don't understand how this book would be able to tell her future.
Subaru sighed, "Beatrice, it seems you don't understand your purpose because you are waiting for something as vague as 'that person' to contact you and help you. More than likely, you would never be able to know if that person is that person since the term is so vague. It's almost an act of cruelty."
Beatrice begins to sob, "Mother said 'that person' will come. Why do you think you would know if that would never happen? Why do you think you understand Betty's feelings, I suppose?"
"I don't. I will not claim to know a being's feelings that have lived for four hundred years. But I can tell that you contradicted yourself. You act as if you have hope, yet deep down. You desire death—an ending to your long search for a person that will never come. But Beatrice, you don't understand your value. If you didn't talk to me and let me tell you things I haven't been able to tell anyone else, I most likely would've killed myself thinking this reality is nothing more than a fabrication. I may not be the person your mother referred to, but Beatrice, I need your help navigating this world. I need your knowledge and understanding of this world, but more importantly, I need you. I need you to be the one to help me if the thought of this world being a false reality ever regains its control over me. I don't want to die; I have to help Emilia win the Royal Selection, I was given a chance to start a new world where I knew nothing, and I should be grateful. But the reality is only a person's knowledge and awareness, both of which can be fabricated. But most importantly, I want to show you the meaning of life without knowing its future results. I don't want you never to see that yourself for the rest of your life."
Beatrice walked up to Subaru with tears still falling down her cheeks. Subaru looked at Beatrice's star-like eyes, wondering what she was doing. Subaru had two elements, yin, and wind. He also had a high spirit affinity.
Beatrice took a moment to collect herself as she considered the potential outcomes of agreeing to Subaru's proposal. The thought of what the future could hold for her if she accepted his offer was overwhelming and intriguing. She couldn't help but feel a sense of uncertainty and fear, but simultaneously, she felt a glimmer of hope. It was a concept she had never considered before, but now that it was in front of her, she couldn't help but think of the possibilities.
"Betty… agrees. Subaru, you should also know you have a high spirit affinity which, if you lacked, we would not be able to form a contract. You have a large mana pool, and more shockingly, you are predisposed to two elements, yin and wind. Betty has rules for this contract, I suppose."
I have magical power? I can look at this in the future. I have no defense or offense, and relying on my intelligence may be challenging.
"What are your terms? I wasn't sure how contracts are even formed, but I guess a contract implies terms and rules to the contract." Subaru asked in a curious tone.
"Betty has two conditions. You cannot form contracts with other spirits, and….
Beatrice realizes that Subaru will never abandon her, so she decides to change the second condition she has in mind.
you must tell me when you feel that this reality is false. If you die… then my life will have no meaning, I suppose."
Subaru was momentarily stunned. He had not expected Beatrice to agree to his proposal, but she did. Not only was he surprised by her agreement, but her declaration that her life would hold no meaning without him if he died. The weight of her words and the guilt that came with it weighed heavily on Subaru, but at the same time, he was filled with a deep sense of happiness that Beatrice had agreed to his proposal. He could see that Beatrice deeply needed affection and longed for someone to care for her.
Subaru smiled and picked up Beatrice to hug her, "I accept your contract. Thank you, Beatrice."
"Beatrice, why don't you come with me to help me tutor Emilia in politics? Your knowledge of this world will be overwhelmingly valuable in helping me figure out how to help Emilia." Subaru asked, noticing the speechless Beatrice.
Beatrice remembering that Subaru never answered the question she had about why Subaru was so strange at breakfast, asked again, "You never answered why you acted as you did during breakfast, I suppose."
What do I tell her? That I was trying to figure out Roswaal's eye-accessing cues and then explain to her about the next week about psychology… maybe she will just trust my response.
"It's hard to explain, but my goal was to ensure my and Emilia's safety."
Beatrice momentarily thought but decided to trust Subaru's goal: "Betty understands. I will help you with your tutoring of Emilia in politics."
Emilia was in her room, deeply reflecting on the events of breakfast. She was still trying to understand Subaru's strange behavior when he attempted to convince Roswaal to let him stay at the mansion. Despite the oddness of his statements, they worked. Emilia was conflicted about how she felt about what Subaru had said. She couldn't determine if they were meant as jokes, lies, or if there was some truth to them and if she liked the feeling she had when Subaru said what he said.
*Knock*
*Knock*
Then, she heard a voice calling, "Emilia, it's me, Subaru. I've brought Beatrice with me. Are you ready to start your political tutoring?" Emilia was curious about why Beatrice was with him, but she decided to let them in. When they entered, she noticed that Beatrice seemed more lively than usual and had a brighter expression. Subaru, on the other hand, appeared to be his usual self.
Emilia couldn't help but ask the question weighing on her mind, "Subaru, why did you say what you did at breakfast? And did you mean any of it?"
So Emilia is conflicted about why I said what I said and if I were lying… she would likely be upset if the claims I said were lies. The goal of what I said was to understand Roswaal's eye-accessing cues. Still, I didn't lie about what I said regarding Emilia. I do like her, but I don't want her to feel like I'm forcing her to feel the same way…
Subaru, after a moment of silence, responded, "I said what I said mainly just as jokes. In my world, those who are extremely rich usually are corrupt. My goal was to see if Roswaal was corrupt noble or if he wasn't. If he were, he most likely would've taken offense to my behavior, yet he didn't, which solved my question. But regarding what I said to you, I don't want you to think I'm forcing you to feel a certain way. I did mean what I said in the way I do like you, Emilia, but if you don't feel the same way, I will hold nothing against you."
Emilia was in disbelief as she listened to Subaru's words. She had never expected him to have genuine feelings for her, especially considering the strange and seemingly exaggerated claims he made during breakfast. Despite her initial skepticism, Emilia couldn't help but feel a flicker of happiness in her chest, knowing that Subaru was actually interested in her. However, she was also confused about her own feelings. She didn't know if what she was feeling was just gratitude or if there was something more profound. The mixed emotions left her feeling unsure and uncertain.
Emilia responded after thinking almost a minute, "I'm not sure how I feel. But thank you for your explanation."
This is strange. Emilia genuinely seems to not understand whatever feeling she has. Her body language is a mix of multiple different things. She switches from positive to neutral and then to positive it makes no sense. The only explanation is that her body can't show how she feels as she has never felt it… very strange. Her eye-accessing cues showed no falsity to her words as well. I wonder about her past usually, only some significant trauma could cause this.
Subaru smiled, "First thing I should ask is why you want to be the King of Lugnica? You will fail without a powerful driving force that makes your purpose solely to win."
Emilia was at a crossroads. She didn't know if she should reveal the truth to Subaru about her intentions to participate in the Royal Selection. The presence of Beatrice made the decision even more difficult, as it felt like she was being monitored. Emilia was plagued by guilt from her past actions and believed that becoming the King would be a way for her to atone for her mistakes. The thought of confessing her true motives to someone, especially someone she had just met, was daunting. But she also couldn't deny her growing trust in Subaru and her comfort in his presence.
Why does everything I say to her take her a minute to respond? The question of her 'why' for becoming the King of Lugnica is the first question I'd ask anyone. It's the most important because if the person does not have a strong reason, almost to the point, their purpose is to accomplish their goal, in this case, being King of Lugnica, they will fail if the competition has that trait. Perhaps I should ask Beatrice to leave if Emilia hides something she doesn't want to admit. Having Beatrice here will only make things worse.
First, I should tackle the issue of whatever Emilia is ashamed or regretful of. Then, Beatrice can return to help regarding the political aspect.
As Emilia was lost in thought, Subaru spoke, "Beatrice, I think this conversation may be more personal and less political than I thought. Would you be alright with leaving until the conversation moves towards the political part?"
Beatrice, who knew of Emilia's reason for wanting to become King understood what Subaru meant, "Sure, I'll wait in the Libary. Just open the nearest door when I'm needed."
Beatrice left the room, and Emilia was shocked. Subaru read her mind. Emilia dropped her body back and lay in her bed, thinking, trying to understand too many things simultaneously. How she felt for Subaru and whether she should tell Subaru about her past made it hard for her to think.
She's still silent. She's overthinking. Overthinking can lead to a worse outcome than a decision from intuition alone. I must distract her and then move back to the subject as if I don't understand why she wants to become King. It'll become me doing everything to make her King, which I don't want to do. It's both disrespectful to Emilia, and my entire reason for wanting to help her was so she could obtain whatever goal she wanted.
Another odd thing is the lack of mirrors in this room. Every room I've been in, including my guest room, had a mirror, yet this room has none. Even the bathroom that I glanced slightly at when I walked in had no mirrors unless they were positioned oddly. All this shows there are her self-confidence issues. I can only try to remedy that first.
Subaru lay down on the bed next to Emilia, mirroring her position. He noticed that she was sweating slightly and felt concerned for her well-being. Gently, he placed his hand over hers, hoping to offer some comfort and support.
"Emilia, you need to stop overthinking," Subaru spoke softly. "I understand if you don't want to tell me, but I think it would be better for you to tell someone about what's bothering you instead of bottling it up. Your body is physically reacting to the stress, and I can see that you're sweating." He gave her hand a gentle squeeze, offering his support. "It's okay. I'm here for you."
Emilia enjoyed the comfort but was hesitant to tell Subaru. She feared that Subaru would think of her as a monster for what she did and her reasons for wanting to become the King of Lugnica.
"Subaru if I tell you, you'll think I'm a monster. I don't want to," Emilia was cut off by Subaru.
Subaru spoke with confidence and reassurance in his tone and words, "Emilia, you could tell me that you committed the worse sin you can imagine. It wouldn't change my opinion of you. If you can't understand why I wouldn't, I know you well enough to know your no monster. You are both beautiful and brave, not to mention you helped me even before I offered any way to assist you in this Royal Selection. Your a better person than me, and don't even attempt to argue against that."
Emilia listened as Subaru spoke, his words ringing with genuine conviction. Despite not knowing the full extent of her past, she had never met someone who believed in her so strongly. The thought of revealing her darkest secrets to someone who saw her in such a positive light was both tempting and frightening. But, as she looked into Subaru's eyes, she felt a sense of comfort and safety she had never experienced before. Perhaps, she thought, it was time to trust someone and open up about the weight she had been carrying for so long.
After hearing this, Emilia sighed as she felt Subaru would reject her, "I want to become King because Roswaal told me that if I do, he will unfreeze Elior Forest…"
Nice, no idea what Elior Forest is, nor do I understand what she means by the freeze, whether that's a figurative or literal statement.
Subaru moved his arm around Emilia to comfort her, "Tell me the full story. Remember, I don't know what Elior Forest or your meaning of unfreeze means. Tell me, even if you think telling it in detail will show you as a monster."
Emilia was riddled with so many emotions she could barely keep herself composed. Subaru's words made her remember more and more of the details of what happened in Elior Forest. Subaru's comfort was the only thing preventing her from tearing up by thinking of her past. But she also wanted to see if Subaru meant what he said. If she told him everything and Subaru viewed her differently, she would know she was right and that she was a monster.
"It's a long story, but my home was Elior Forest. It's where my mother, Fortuna, raised me. I was young but foolish and found a seal that contained something a Witch whose name I had forgotten was interested in. She came to the Forest wanting me to open the seal, something only I could do, but in my inability to make a decision, mother Fortuna and others I cared for died due to my actions. I then became enraged at the Witch, and in the end, I froze myself and the entire Forest in an outburst of rage. The only reason I'm not still in that Forest frozen is that Puck came and saved me. Later Roswaal found me and told me if I won, he would unfreeze everyone frozen in the Forest." Emilia finished with a tone of sadness, rage, heartbreak, and despair.
Judging by this, I can only assume Roswaal has some ability to see future events or know certain things. There is no logical way Roswaal would know about Emilia or her being a candidate for the throne unless he had some form of magic or power that gave him that ability.
Subaru wrapped Emilia closer before responding, "You spoke with rage and hatred when you mentioned that Witch that caused that situation to happen. You the exact opposite of a monster. You are a saint. But you will become a monster if you continue to hold hatred and vengeance."
Emilia was taken aback by Subaru's words. After hearing that, she couldn't believe that Subaru said she was a saint. Emilia knew Subaru could lie to her quickly, but she felt that every word he spoke was the truth, a gut feeling. Emilia was also confused about what Subaru meant by being on the path to becoming a monster.
Emilia turned to make eye contact with Subaru, "I don't know how you can say something like that. From being a monster to a saint… but I also don't understand what you mean by I'm on the path to becoming a monster…."
I doubt Emilia can understand philosophical arguments, so I should keep this as simple as possible.
Subaru understood how to respond to this but had to be careful how he worded it, "You hate the Witch that caused you to freeze the Forest. The blame is solely on her. However, you hate her… from what I've seen, even in a world where people reject you solely based on your appearance, you never react with hatred or even dislike. The higher capacity you have to love, in this case, you loved the people in your Forest so much that once it was taken from you, your love was replaced by hatred… for the Witch you mentioned. Am I correct?"
Emilia couldn't believe what she was hearing. She had always been so self-conscious about the Witch that lived within her and the actions that the Witch had caused in the past. She feared that others would see her as a monster and reject her, just like so many others had before. But here was Subaru, telling her that he saw her as anything but a beast and that he genuinely believed she was beautiful and brave. The thought brought tears to Emilia's eyes as she realized how much she had been yearning for someone to accept her for who she was, regardless of her past.
Emilia then thought about the reason she wanted to become King. It wasn't because she hated the Witch, but because she wanted justice for the victims of the Witch's actions. She tried to use her power and position to make the world a better place, atone for the Witch's sins, and bring peace to those suffering. It was heavy, but Emilia was determined to see it through.
After thinking for another minute, Emilia responded, "I want justice. Justice for that Witch and for the Forest to be unfrozen. That's why I want to become King."
Subaru quickly retorted her claim, "Those who seek justice in the name of vengeance will only lead down the road of hatred controlling them. I meant that your hatred for that Witch would turn you into a monster. I'm not saying you should forgive or forget what she did, but you should not base your life's purpose on gaining 'justice' against this Witch."
Emilia was taken aback by Subaru's words. She had always believed that the Witch deserved to be punished for her actions and had never considered that her perspective may be flawed. She couldn't understand how Subaru could think otherwise and was struggling to comprehend the reasoning behind his belief. Despite her confusion, Emilia was intrigued by Subaru's perspective and eager to learn more about his meaning.
Subaru noticing that Emilia didn't understand, continued, "Those who do evil will receive justice regardless of your actions. The Witch who did this to you will receive punishment even if it has nothing to do with what she did to you. This is a concept called karma. Simply, it means she will be punished for her evil by a concept in this world. I have no doubt that she will, and you wasting time hating her only prevents you from growing. The hardest thing for a person to do is to forget about someone that took everything away from them. Not to mention your viewpoint of being a monster. You don't even believe in yourself. If you did, you would blame yourself, not the Witch, for what happened."
Emilia considered the meaning of the word "karma" that Subaru had brought up. It resembled the idea of fate but focused more on justice. As she thought about it, she felt her intense hatred toward the Witch begins to diminish. However, she couldn't help but wonder if Subaru's idea of karma would come to fruition.
Emilia moved closer to Subaru. She enjoyed the feeling of being cared for by another immensely. She then spoke, "Subaru, thank you."
Well, that resolves that issue. Now it's time for politics; however, moving from this conversation to politics directly after would be pointless. I should simply comfort her more.
While Emilia embraced Subaru's comfort the jewel on her necklace grew up, and a furious floating cat appeared.
Great, this annoying fuck again.
"Subaru, I told you many times to avoid Emilia. I listened to that entire conversation, and now you try to tell her that she should simply forget about the person who took everything from her. Subaru, I doubted you from the moment I met you, but this has gone on far enough."
Puck formed two ice spears and aimed them at lethal points on Subaru's body. Emilia attempting to get up, moved Subaru slightly, but he was still hit with two massive ice rods.
Great Puck. You did exactly what I wanted almost to perfection. Now you will soon be an obstacle out of the way. I was going to move myself to make sure Puck missed any lethal points but Emilia's movement did it for me.
Okay so fuck Puck to start.
Subaru had no idea Puck would do this but he planned for it the moment that he noticed Puck's hostility.
The next chapter is going to be gas and I fucking love how this Subaru and Beatrice interact it's like def the deepest connection I've formed in this story so far since Beatrice can understand Subaru much more then Emilia.
Next chapter will be "Fuck Puck"
Let me know what y'all thank :)