Full disclaimers on Chapter 1.
Stop NOW if DRAMA/TRAGEDY is NOT something you are interested into reading, or if it is a bad trigger for you.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Rizzoli & Isles nor any of the characters from the show. I am writing this purely for entertainment, not profit. Rizzoli and Isles are property of Tess Gerritsen and TNT.
I am not a native English speaker, and I don't have a beta. So all mistakes are 100% mine.
Enough of disclaimers and warnings – read at your own risk. Reviews are always welcome!
Chapter 84
Jane had been really weak since the previous five days.
Five days ago had been the first time since the chemo and radio sessions that Maura had needed to sponge bathe her, Jane being too weak to move to the shower.
Five days ago had been the first time since the chemo and radio sessions that Maura had needed to spoon feed Jane, Jane being too weak to raise the cutlery herself.
And Jane had not complained or protested about either this time. She actually seemed to revel into finally admitting what Maura had told her all those months before.
That nothing of this changed who Jane was, in her essence. It was just her body betraying her, shutting down on her.
Maura knew it would not be long now.
Was she ready?
Not in this lifetime.
Could she do anything to delay it?
Not any longer.
So she decided to make the best of it.
Each day these past five days she had watched Jane's body slowly shutting down. Maura was sure Jane would likely not reach even the end of today.
She called Frankie, and explained the situation to him as simply and obviously as she could. He understood. And he promised to talk to Tommy and to his mother.
So he came, as a surprise. And stayed a little. Jane talked quietly to him, and they chuckled.
As came Tommy, a while later. He also stayed just for a while. And Jane talked quietly to him, and they chuckled, and cried, and chuckled again.
Both Frankie and Tommy were conscious that this probably was the last time they would likely be seeing Jane alive, and Maura could feel it in their parting hug, the fraternal kiss to his sister, when each one of them left.
Maura knew if she asked Jane, Jane was tired, too tired to consider visits. But Jane would never turn out family, even if for a few minutes.
Maura had observed from a little distance, giving them as much privacy as she could. And she was proud of how Jane behaved, and even more of how Frankie and even Tommy behaved.
A little after they left, Angela arrived.
Maura could see on her face that Frankie had briefed her. It was time.
Angela hugged Maura tightly, and Maura had to hold back her tears.
If Maura herself was not ready to face what was to come, Maura could not even begin to imagine how it was for Angela, Tommy and Frankie to know it was time.
Angela sat by the sofa where Jane was reclined. And they talked quietly for a while, Angela stroking Jane's short curls gently and lovingly.
Again Maura tried to offer as much privacy as she could, without ignoring Jane's needs.
So Maura had to held up a sob when she overheard what Angela said to Jane, without any prompt – Angela was just fulfilling one of the last of Jane's bucket list without even knowing it.
"I am so very proud of you, baby, so very much proud of you… I have always been proud of you, but if it is even possible, I have been prouder of you these past nineteen months. You fought hard. You never gave up. And you learned even to lean on and ask for help. All those walls I was afraid you had put up around you… You demolished them all. I raised an incredible woman, Jane."
And Maura watched as Jane moved her thin weakened arms around her mother's neck to hug her, no restrains, no squirming.
Angela looked up to Maura, asking for silent permission, and Maura nodded. Angela removed her mask before she kissed Jane's face and stood to leave.
She hugged and kissed Maura again, and whispered in Maura's ear: "Please don't leave her alone."
Maura nodded, not trusting her voice to reply.
After she locked the door, she moved back closer to Jane. The sun was beginning to set in the horizon.
"I am so tired, Maura…" Jane's voice was barely a whisper.
Maura picked the light foldable wheelchair, and gently supported Jane to a sitting position on the sofa, before practically carrying her the few inches between the sofa and the wheelchair. Then, she moved to the bedroom, and did the opposite move, making sure Jane was comfortable, then sat by Jane's side.
"I mean, I am really, really tired, Maura…" Jane's eyes were burning into hers, with urgency, and Maura knew Jane was trying to say more than her words meant exactly.
Maura swallowed, hard. She knew what Jane was trying to say. She knew Jane was almost asking for permission.
"I know, darling." Maura bore hazel eyes into semi-open chocolate ones. "I know." Maura repeated, kissing Jane's forehead gently.
"Could you sit behind me and hold me, please?"
Maura did as Jane asked, Jane's almost weightless body resting sideways on hers.
"Comfortable now?"
"Mmm-hmmm" Jane nodded.
"You seem to like this position…" Maura mused. It was not the first time Jane asked for that in these past few days.
"I can feel your heartbeat." Jane offered, her head on Maura's chest.
Maura could also feel Jane's heartbeat. And it was faint, very, very faint. Fainter than it ever had been, as if a baby butterfly was barely being able to flutter its wings.
"Talk to me, Maura. You know I love the sound of your voice. It soothes me." Jane mumbled in a whisper, her hand drawing an idle pattern on Maura's torso.
"There is something I wanted to read to you…" Maura asked, tentatively.
"Is that so? I would love that…" Maura felt Jane's dimpled smile against her skin.
Maura picked the folded paper from her pocket. It had been there for a few days now. Maura made a point to move it from pant pocket to pant pocket, hoping that it would still be some time before she would need it, but at the same time wanting to make sure she would have it handy when she needed it.
"My beloved Jane…
I am not good with goodbyes…
But you should know that by now…"
Maura felt Jane squeezing her lightly, no strength left even for that gesture.
"The long hugs,
The holding back tears,
The trying not to hear the sounds of footsteps leaving…
I hate the space between 'I miss you' and 'I'm here'.
Between flights and car hides.
Between 'soon' and 'a few months later'.
I am the type of person who cradles memories like precious children.
And that is how I cradle every memory of you. Every memory of us."
Maura paused, and kissed the top of Jane's head.
Jane moved slightly, as if getting even more comfortable against Maura.
"You know I wear you in my eyes.
I hear you in my words.
You leave underneath my skin.
You are a book I read well.
A book so well written that I read time and time again.
The kind of book you close when you are finished and hold tight against your heart,
Knowing it changed you completely.
A story out of print.
A story out of time.
A story that will always live, in the pages of my mind.
Your story. Our story.
I want to trick goodbye into coming later,
Even though I can't.
But know that you will always be in my heart…
Because your love unlocked it,
Your friendship made a home in it,
And because in there you will always, always be alive…"
Maura knew she had been crying, and she felt Jane shifting and hugging her tightly, as tightly as Jane's battered body would allow.
"It is okay, Jane. We are all going to be okay." Maura spoke gently. It was time for Maura to let go. And to let Jane know it was okay to let go.
Jane made an effort to move, so she could look into Maura's eyes.
Maura could feel Jane's heartbeats not only faint, but more erratic.
"The notebooks… The messages… for people… Could you please… hand… them…?" Jane was making a tremendous effort just to speak.
Maura smiled among her tears, and nodded to confirm to Jane it would be done.
"I need… to sleep… for a while…" Jane's eyes were beginning to glaze over.
Maura kissed her forehead gently, then each one of Jane's cheeks.
"Sleep for as long as you need, my friend. I am right here with you."
"See… you… on the other… side..." Jane whispered in Maura's ear before dropping her head on Maura's chest.
Maura moved her hand gently on Jane's back, up and down. Jane's heartbeats were farther and farther apart, so faint…
"I love you Jane, don't you ever forget how much loved you are…" Maura said gently by Jane's ear, her voice choking in tears.
A heartbeat. A pause. Another heartbeat. Then nothing. And nothing. And nothing.
Maura hugged the lifeless body of her best friend against hers, and sobbed.