Full disclaimers on Chapter 1.

Stop NOW if DRAMA/TRAGEDY is NOT something you are interested into reading, or if it is a bad trigger for you.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Rizzoli & Isles nor any of the characters from the show. I am writing this purely for entertainment, not profit. Rizzoli and Isles are property of Tess Gerritsen and TNT.

I am not a native English speaker, and I don't have a beta. So all mistakes are 100% mine.

Enough of disclaimers and warnings – read at your own risk. Reviews are always welcome!

Chapter 86

Maura woke up when there was already light outside.

Jane's smell was gone from the pillow.

Jane.

Jane was gone.

Maura turned to lie on her back, looking at the ceiling, as she felt a void and an emptiness consuming her. It felt almost like a physical blow. She had to close her eyes and concentrate on her breathing for a long while until she calmed herself enough to think about facing the day. But she couldn't bring herself out of the bed. Not yet.

She thought about her routine. And right now she had no idea of what to do next.

So she tried to embrace the fact that the routine was off, and moved to the bedside table, where Jane kept her notebooks.

She picked the stack of notebooks, thinking about what Jane had asked her to do.

Maura opened the first one on the pile, and quickly realized the method to the madness… Since Jane was writing as time went by, she would begin a message to a person, and then leave several blank pages before beginning a message to another person. That would have given Jane the chance to revisit and continue the messages.

It brought a tiny smile to Maura's face. She got up, taking all the notebooks with her to her office.

She stopped by the kitchen, and boiled water for tea. It was as far as she thought her stomach could handle for now.

She sipped the sharp bitter tea to try to settle the pain consuming her inside.

She took the mug to her desk in the office. Reopening the first notebook, she picked the pages that corresponded to the message to the first person, tore them slowly and carefully from the spiral notebook, cut the perforated edges, and folded them after double checking they all belonged to the same person, and placed them in an envelope, hand-writing the name of the person on the envelope.

Maura knew why Jane trusted her with this type of thing. She knew Maura would not feel tempted to pry and read what Jane had written to the other people.

From the first notebook that Maura had picked at random, she separated envelopes to Jane's father (Frank Sr.), to Tommy, to Frankie, and to Korsak. Maura just hoped this would fulfill the bucket list items Jane had to tell both Frankie and Tommy how proud she felt about them as human beings.

Maura opened a second notebook. This one began with Jane's bucket list, the draft of her last wishes, and as Maura flipped the pages, she found messages to Nina, to TJ, to Stella. Maura was surprised to also find messages to Hope, to Constance, and even to Paddy Doyle.

Maura kept separating them carefully, triple checking the pages, and placing them in the envelopes with the respective names, without reading the messages except for the top line to identify the intended destination.

Another notebook, and this had a long sequence of pages. To Angela. For a moment Maura thought the entire notebook was for Angela, but it wasn't. About twenty pages were. Maura separated the pages as she had and put on an envelope before proceeding, and finding a message for Maura herself.

Maura closed the notebook, suddenly panicking. Her breathing caught, and she felt her vision going dark.

She picked the tea mug, her hands visibly trembling, to take a swig.

She was not sure she was ready yet to read whatever Jane had written her. So she moved the notebook aside, to come back to it later.

There were only two other notebooks left. One spiral and the only bounded one.

On the spiral, Maura found a message to Casey, and a message to Tasha. There was also a message to Jane's bone marrow donor.

In it Maura also found the message Jane had apparently written for her own funeral. This one Maura had to read. Even if it was to know if Jane had had a chance to complete the message.

"If you are reading this, it is because I am dead.

I always wanted to use this cliché line from the movies, until I didn't.

Still, here I am.

Or, better, here you are. I am not. I am gone.

I am gone until we meet again.

I came to the end of my journey,

I traveled my last weary mile.

If you can, forget I ever frowned,

And remember only my smile.

Please forget unkind words I have spoken,

Remember some good I have done.

Forget that I ever had a heartache,

And remember I've had loads of fun.

Forget that I have stumbled and blundered,

And that sometimes I fell by the way.

Remember I have fought some hard battles and won,

Before the end of the day.

Then forget to grieve for my going,

I would not have you sad for a day.

But in summer just gather some flowers

And remember to place them where I lay.

And come in the evening,

When the sun paints the sky in the west…

Stand for a few moments beside me,

And remember only my best."

Maura was crying. Yes, Jane had definitely wrote her final message. And yes, she had finished it.

Maura missed Jane. She wanted to hug Jane by her side just now.

She heard the doorbell ring and was surprised someone would be calling in at that hour. But then she realized it was not as early any longer. She had been there for a while, it was already 9.30AM.

She opened the door, to find Frankie, Nina with Stella, and Angela. Tommy had an urgent call for work and Angela had incentivized him to go, and TJ was at school. They all hugged and kissed, Nina offered her condolences, and Maura took warm comfort in Stella firmly grasping her closest finger in her tiny hands.

Maura ushered them in. Angela took in the kitchen, the only thing out of place since last night being the kettle.

"Have you eaten, Maura?"

"I had some tea. Can I get some for you?"

"I will fix you guys something, you go sit down." Angela ordered, and they settled in the living room. Nina smiled at Maura, silently offering her to carry Stella.

Having Stella in her arms gave Maura a good sense of life, and warmth. She had to hold back the tears threatening to choke her, thinking about another body laying on her chest just like Stella, just yesterday, but that instead of the rapid heartbeat and excited babble of this little one, had slowed down on her while warmth turned cold.

Angela handed coffee to all of them, tea for Maura, and put a plate with buttered toasts and crackers to Maura. "I know you don't feel like eating, but it will eat you alive from the inside out if you don't."

Nina had taken Stella back when she began to fuss to get breastfed.

Maura sipped her tea, closing her eyes, and nibbling on the corner of a toast to appease Angela.

"I will not speak until you eat at least the entire toast, Maura. You will need to do a better job than that."

Maura sighed but complied. She knew Angela. Angela was hurting for her daughter. And Angela would now be more protective than ever of the other cubs in her litter, what included Maura.

After Maura dutifully finished eating her toast, Angela began.