Five years have passed since the four great calamities and all the other bad things. One man stood above them all and was regarded as the 'Sage' of the generation. Subaru. But in his final deed of killing Satella, the action caused him to turn into a literal 2023 Subaru Outback Premium. The car had many qualities 26/32 mpg City/Hwy, 2.5L H-4 cyl Engine, continuously variable automatic, and AWD. Subaru was now stuck being a car. He could still think but not talk. After being turned into a car Reinhard who was with him, got intrigued by what happened.

He walked towards the unfamiliar machine, "Hello?"

Help me. Reinhard, can you hear me?

"Subaru?"

Wait, can you hear me? Divine Protection of Car Communication? How did this happen?

Reinhard looked at the white doors and decided to open them, which Subaru could feel as if he was stepping on his toe. Reinhard using sheer intuition alone, started the vehicle in amazement as he knew the journey back from the Sand Dunes would take some time. Subaru's wedding would happen soon, and he was unsure how he turned into a machine. He turned the engine on, hearing exhaust, and began his journey back to the Capital where Subaru's marriage would be held. He knew the machine was Subaru but was unsure how something like this could happen.

THIS FUCKING HURTS! WHY IS THIS SO PAINFUL? HOW DID I GET TURNED INTO A FUCKING CAR?

Reinhard smiled as he opened the windows, "This is quite an invention. Subaru, I will take you to Ferris if you can hear me. Perhaps she can reverse this."

My name is Subaru… and I got turned into a Subaru car. I hope Ferris can fix this. What the fuck?

Reinhard pushed down on the speed petal ascending 80 miles per hour hitting many bumps on the plains. For him, this was the most enjoyable experience he has had in his entire life.

This hurts! Stop!

Eventually, after a lovely joy ride for Reinhard and a painful experience for Subaru, who was now a Subaru, they arrived at the Capital where his wedding would be held a day later. Reinhard brought the machine to Ferris to see if she could reverse whatever may have occurred.

"Nya, this is Subaru?" Ferris asked, confused as she touched the strange machine's glass.

Reinhard confirmed, "Yes I saw it myself he transformed into this machine. Although it has many functions, I was able to use it similarly to a dragon carriage."

Are you going to turn me into a fucking carriage?

Ferris examined the machine using her healing magic but nothing responded, "Reinhard this machine isn't Subaru."

"But I witnessed it myself," Reinhard confirmed.

Crusch who was watching commented, "It's quite strange as you don't seem to be lying. But I'm confused about how this could be Subaru."

Od Laguna whispered to Reinhard, "Divine Protection of Car Communication"

Reinhard asked, "Subaru?"

Can you hear me now?

"Ferris, Crusch this is Subaru. I received a blessing to allow me to speak to him. Is there anything we can do to restore him?"

Ferris mentioned, "Dragon blood?"

Reinhard agreed as they had plenty due to Volcanica's death. Ferris fetched some and poured it on the machine but it did not work. Subaru remained a Subaru.

What the fuck is this? Am I going to be a car for the rest of my life?

"I'm sure we can find a solution Subaru just be patient."

I have a wedding with Emilia tomrow and I got turned into a car.

"A car? Is that what this machine is?"

Yes it's a fucking Subaru from my world. My name also is the name of a type of car. It's like a dragon carriage as you said.

"My apologies but your parents named you after a dragon carriage?"

No… listen how the hell is this going to get fixed? If dragon blood failed then what?

"I'm sorry I am unsure of what to do. If dragon blood didn't heal you I doubt anything can."

…so i'm going to be a car now?

"If that is what you refer to this machine then I'm unsure. Perhaps there is another way to reverse it."

Can you share the Divine Protection so I can talk to others?

"As I'm aware the only way to do so is for me to use a mechanism within the machine by pressing down on the steering function."

You're going to honk me?

"Is that what that's called? Is this from beyond the Great Waterfall?"

Reinhard, you're being an idiot right now. I'm a fucking car. What is this?

Reinhard looked down, "I'm sorry I can't assist you further. Would you like me to drive you to Emilia-sama?"

Drive me? Did I just here DRIVE ME?

"Is that not the correct term? I'm not sure how I'd get you there any other way."

Sure why not I wonder what Emilia will think when I'm not a car.

"I would not stress my friend even if you are a machine you're love will remain strong."

I'm going to kill myself.

"Do not say such things."

Reinhard left Crusch's mansion and drove Subaru to the Mather's domain where Emilia and the others would be. As he arrived he saw Emilia, Beatrice and Rem along with others in Emilia's camp waiting for some reason. He stepped outside the vehicle carefully not to dent nor scratch Subaru.

"My apoglises for the news I must bring. This machine that Subaru refers to as a car from his world is now him. Subaru was turned into a machine." Reinhard states.

Emilia tilts her head, "Huh?"

"Betty does not sense a contract with this machine in fact." Beatrice stated.

Rem asked, "How is that Subaru?"

"Please come towards the car and place your hand here." Reinhard instructs as he places his hand on the steering wheel.

Emilia is the first to come as she honked on the horn she heard a voice.

Emilia can you hear me?

Emilia blinked, "Subaru?"

Yes it's me. I don't know how this happened.

"Huh?"

I was turned into a Subaru.

"Subaru?"

Reinhard sighed, "Emilia-sama I believe Great Spirit-sama seems to want to try honking him."

Honking me… FUCKING HONKING ME?

Beatrice walked up into the seat pressing down on the steering wheel.

Can you hear me?

She pressed again, "HONKKKKK"

"Perhaps it does not work on Spriits." Reinhard noted.

I'm going to kill myself,

Emilia asked, "Where is the real Subaru?"

"That is Subaru Emilia-sama." Reinhard replied.

Rem denied, "Subaru is Subaru that's some machine."

"Subaru is the car." Reinhard stated once more.

Emilia walked back to the car touching it's tires, "What are these?"

That fucking hurts.

Od Laguna whispered into Reinhard's ear, "Divine Protection of Subaru Knowledge."

Reinhard stated, "That would be one of the four wheels for the vehicle. This version has all wheel drive and is quite advanced for it's price."

"Price?" Emilia asked.

Reinhard checked the y axis of the world noticing it was 5:02:13, "I must be going Felt-sama has duties to fufill as Queen. My apologies Subaru I will return and assist you if needed."

What the fuck? How dare you? After everything we've been through you leave me here as a fucking car? Felt duties what the fuck I killed Satella for this and now I'm a god damn car? What is this foolishness I AM NOT A FOOL! What the fuck? I guess Regulus taught me how to rant well when I had to fight Flugel in my mind. That was a good team up. I wonder if he is still in my mind.

'It seems you we're reduced to nothing more then a mere Subaru, Subaru. How foolish. How naive. That dumb bitch Satella ruined everything and now my soul is stuck with you. That bitch. Revert to your normal form. You are violating my rights.'

My rights are being violated too!

Emilia walked around the car touching random things until she pulled something up that looked like an engine, "What is this?"

She started to touch it and got electricuted, "OWWW!"

Why did that feel so good?

Emilia sensed a weird call from God as she stared into the sky, "God?"

Huh?

"Everyone this is Subaru God told me!" Emilia yelled as she begin to correst the engine being electricuted further.

I'm going to loose my mind. What the fuck is happening?

-

The day for the event came and Emilia was dressed in a beautiful dress while Subaru was being driven in by Reinhard. The car had a nice tint and was a carbon color. Emilia figured out that Subaru enjoyed whenever she touched the car's engine so that was her only way of communicating with him since the honking mechanism broke after being used to much.

Reinhard walked out, "It is my pleasure to announce the marriage of Subaru Natsuki and Emilia-sama."

Reinhard is there even any guests I can't fucking see?

Reinhard quietly spoke, "Nobody believes your a car. I tried my best I'm sorry. But Emilia-sama does."

"Yeah I do Subaru. Even if you are a 'car' your still Subaru." Emilia said with a gentle smile as she walked up to the car's engine and kissed it. After learning to not have the vehicle on when touching the engine she was no longer electructued.

Reinhard say 'I do'

"Emilia-sama it is official congratulations on your marriage." Reinhard smiled.

Emilia walked into Subaru and closed the door, "Me and Subaru are going to go on an adventure! Hopefully I can find a way to cure him."

Everything worked out at the end apart from being turned into a fucking Subaru.