Full disclaimers on Chapter 1.
Stop NOW if DRAMA/TRAGEDY is NOT something you are interested into reading, or if it is a bad trigger for you.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Rizzoli & Isles nor any of the characters from the show. I am writing this purely for entertainment, not profit. Rizzoli and Isles are property of Tess Gerritsen and TNT.
I am not a native English speaker, and I don't have a beta. So all mistakes are 100% mine.
Enough of disclaimers and warnings – read at your own risk. Reviews are always welcome!
Chapter 96
The University had provided a nice house by the beach for Constance to stay.
Maura had breakfast every morning with her mother, before she left for the University to teach her course.
Maura then typically started the day in the beach. She recalled the first morning, her mother stopping by the open door of her bedroom while Maura was finishing lacing the bikini behind her neck.
"Do you want me to do your back?" Constance asked, picking up the sunscreen tube from the bedtable.
"Won't you be late?"
"No, I have time. And it will be just a minute." Constance had poured the cream on her hands and spread it on Maura's shoulders and back in a practiced motion, realizing for the first time how thin Maura really was.
"Here, all set."
"Thank you, mother. I will see you later." Maura waved as her mom left to the university.
Maura finished the sunscreen to the rest of her body, before walking to the beach, that was literally a few yards below a low cliff.
The sensation of the morning sun and the strong wind on her body felt freeing. She walked from one end to the sand strip to the other, and back, slowly, enjoying the sensation of the sand on her feet and between her toes, the flipflops in her hands. It was a surf beach, with strong waves and currents, but quiet. As she walked, all she could hear were the seagulls and the strong crash of the waves. It was cleansing in a way. She climbed one of the rock formations that separated the beach in two, and sat on top of it, exercising her breathing.
When the sun became too much, she just dipped her feet in the cold ocean water, not wanting to risk the strong currents, and then walked back to the home. It was early, and although the temptation to stay inside was a strong pull, she decided to force herself out of her comfort zone. She put on a pair of khaki shorts, put on a button up trail shirt, and picked up a hat, before getting her hiking boots.
She did a quick search, for one of the easiest trails – she knew it had been a long while since she had done anything more daring and adventurous, and she knew she needed to begin slow, before picking up more challenging trails. She didn't want to get hurt or to give any trouble or concern to her mother.
She picked a trail that had a waterfall on the path. After hiking beyond the waterfall, in a trail of about two miles, she could see the ocean. It was quiet and empty. She got her mat from her backpack, and practiced her yoga poses by the shade.
Then, she walked back the half a mile to the waterfall, and decided to swim. The water was ice cold, but again, it felt freeing to just float for a while enjoying the sun and the shade playing on the water.
She stood by the sun, waiting her body to dry enough before putting back her shirt and her shorts, and walking back the trail.
When she walked back home, it was early afternoon. She realized she was starving. She showered, and went out again to buy some groceries. The university had stocked the house for their first breakfast, but Maura went to buy the things they would need for other meals.
When back, she prepared a simple salad and grilled salmon for herself, and ate with pleasure. She had snapped a few pictures from the beach and several from the trail, including a couple of selfies. She sent them to Angela, knowing that in Boston it was already end of the day.
"Keeping my promise." Was all she texted. Maura knew Angela was likely hurting as much as she was, but would also likely be trying to keep her routine at work and at home to get herself distracted. She didn't want to fake pleasantries. She didn't want to fake anything, actually. She was raw, she knew the others were raw. There was no need to pretend.
Angela replied with a few heart icons, bringing a smile to her face.
She decided she had some time until Constance was back from the university and for dinner, so she picked up the bounded notebook Jane had wrote her. She checked the day on the calendar of her phone, before finding the page corresponding to that date in the notebook.
She inhaled deeply before going through what was written:
"Today, I was remembering the moment when you convinced me to show you how to use my gun, because I was exhausted, needed a few hours of sleep, and we thought Hoyt had someone coming for me. You were so brave trying to show me you knew everything about my gun – except how to handle it. And you were sports enough to go through the motions to at least pretend or maybe fool someone you knew what you were doing. When you asked me if you looked badass, it warmed my heart, because it told me that you thought I was badass… You infused me with the courage to get through it. And yes, I still think you looked very badass, armed with my glock and wearing that cute blue dress. And yes, somehow you made me feel safe. Not that I thought you would have pulled the trigger… But I knew you would do everything in your power to protect me."
Maura smiled. She remembered that day well. When Frost helped her see the connection between the case and Hoyt, when she had entered Jane's apartment to explain to her, when Jane had shown her the flare she had found in front of her apartment the previous night, how utterly exhausted Jane looked, and how Maura was sure she could protect Jane until Frost arrived. She had felt really badass holding Jane's gun. And she always thought Jane was a badass.
She closed the notebook, resisting the temptation to read other days. She wanted to savor each one of those as Jane had meant her to when she wrote it. The memory warmed her heart.
She moved to the veranda of the house, from where she could see the ocean.
Maura knew she needed to begin thinking what she would do with her life. Not that she was in any hurry. But she knew building a new routine would help ground her. Would help her to circumvent the void of Jane's absence in her life.
Go back to being a ME until she could apply to the Chief ME position again? She was not sure if she could do that job any longer. All the memories of Jane entering the morgue, and the autopsy, she would always be comparing whichever detective to Jane. And reporting to another CME would be a challenge know all that could be done.
Work with living patients in MEND? Jesus, no. The mere thought of finding herself again facing her own fallibility as a doctor of the living, because of something that had no cure or was beyond the means of medicine… She could not handle that again.
If the book came to fruition, maybe she could turn to full time writing. She decided to write to her editor. She had not heard from him in six months, but it had been a low priority before. Now, it could be an avenue for her future. After sending her note, she caught herself going on a trip down memory lane. She almost heard Jane asking her, scared, if she would move to Maine to write. It sounded like a lifetime ago – and it probably was. No… As tempting as it was to think to escape to the silence of Maine, that would be just that: an escape. If Maura was to write, she was going to do it with her family around her. The Rizzoli's.
She heard noise on the door, and checking the clock knew her mother was probably the one entering home. She didn't move from the veranda, and Constance walked through the house until meeting her there.
"Darling… How was your day?"
Maura smiled gently at her. "Relaxed. What about yours?"
"Intriguing." Constance replied, sitting by Maura's side on one of the chairs in the veranda. "Oh, this view is something, isn't it?"
"It is…"
"So what did you do today?"
"I walked in the beach, and then I hiked one of the easier trails. There was a waterfall, it was refreshing. Then I came back, did some grocery shopping for us, prepared lunch, and enjoyed the rest of the afternoon here."
"I am glad… I am feeling a little tired to dine out, would it be okay if we dined in? Could I bother you to cook something for us?"
"Of course, mother, it will be my pleasure."
Maura gave her a few options based on what she had bought, and Constance chose. Maura went to the kitchen, and Constance joined her after having showered and changed into lounge clothes.
Maura had dinner ready in no time, and they sat to enjoy together. Constance had opened one of the wines Maura had bought, that paired well with their food.
"What about your course?"
"Having a class of PhD's discussing art was interesting. But I think I was expecting more… I… I think I am so used to having a genius of a daughter, that a lot of what they came up with during the discussions was utterly dull."
Maura chuckled. "I am not a genius, mother, and I don't know enough art to put a competition with your PhD students."
"You would be surprised, darling." Constance said, shaking her head. "But I hope I will trigger some thinking from them during the course of these three weeks. I guess that is why they brought me here."
Maura smiled gently at her.
"What about you? What are your plans for tomorrow?"
"I want to go for a run – I try to run twice a week, but specially these last months I forewent it. And then probably do a longer trail. I want to pace myself, it has been a long while since I hiked and I am a bit rusty."
"Too many tourists this time of the year?"
"I hardly saw anyone. Maybe also because we are talking about weekdays, I bet during the weekend there will be more people."
And their days had been like that. Maura had kept her promise to Angela, and actually spent a lot of time outdoors.
She had breakfast with her mother every day, she had dinner with her mother every evening, Friday and weekends they tried to eat out at least once a day. Constance took her to the museum trips she had planned, and Constance even got Maura to go with her on one afternoon of shopping, although Maura didn't buy anything to herself.