So I dead? Bright light and a hallway… no way I'm going to heaven the fuck? How'd I even die I forgot… dying at eighteen… great.

A beautiful girl with a white see-through robe, black hair, and red eyes approached me.

Oh, so it's a demon girl. Cool.

She walked towards me as her face smiled, "Congratulations, you died!"

I laughed, "Yeah, I did. I'm getting confused when I see a bright light and a girl with red eyes congratulating me on dying. Is that good or bad?"

Her smile turned into a devilish grin, "Well, I'm going to send you to another world. For being a piece of shit your whole life, I'm sending you to another world that will suit you much better."

I mean, I wasn't that bad… maybe it was? Whatever.

I returned her smile, "Right, right, ok, cool. So I'm going to a new world that's probably pretty shit. Makes sense. Before I go must ask… will it be boring?"

She laughed, "Oh no… it'll be far from boring. Since death doesn't scare you, I'll just throw you in somewhere random, and you can figure it out."

What the fuck is she talking about? Throw me in a random spot. Is this a fucking game?

She remarked to me, "You don't seem scared enough. I'm supposed to be a demon, so be scared, you fucking piece of shit."

I started to laugh uncontrollably, "A demon that's hot as fuck and has red eyes. If we were to have sex, would I become a demon?"

She sighed, "Do you have no fucking fear. In your old life, you seemed to disregard pain. I honestly laughed watching your life. However, I will admit you are cute."

Here comes the 'Fuck you.'

She continued, "I'm just kidding. You're an ugly piece of shit."

Yeah was waiting for that. She's lying.

Suddenly I felt the ground shake. I looked down and realized I wasn't standing on anything in the fucking first place. I looked at the girl, who looked… scared. Suddenly a man with white wings flew beside her, and the white color around me changed fucking black.

"Wait fuck turn it blue."

What the fuck are the gods we worshiped?

The man was black, with a beard, and had white wings that resembled what I'd assume to be an angel. What the fuck is going on?

The man looked at me sadly, "Jake Crenshaw, correct?"

I nodded, "You may refer to me as Sir Crenshaw the third."

The girl's voice spoke, "You fucking died, and you're making jokes? What the fuck with you?"

"What the fuck is wrong with you? First, I never in my wildest fucking dreams thought that the gods of the world I lived in would be so funny. Not to mention hot." finishing my sentence staring at her red eyes.

I sighed, "What are the two of your names? I'm sick of thinking of you as a hot girl, and now we got black Jesus."

The man spoke first, "My name is Zombo."

Zombo, what the fuck name is that?

The girl responded, "Why are you here? You're supposed to deal with the good humans. And I'm not giving my name to this fucking-"

I cut her off, "I am surprised that it seems a fucking demon girl thinks I'm hot."

She sighed at me, "My name is Demon #104934934."

Wow. What the fuck is this shit?

I looked at her with a strange face, "Demon number, whatever the fuck get a normal name, and Zombo, I mean whatever, just not a bunch of numbers. Why did black Jesus, I mean Zombo, come here, Miss Numbers."

She barked, "Don't disrespect me. I take pride in my name."

Right, a name that's like fucking nine numbers. God, am I just hallucinating? This is crazy even for me. However, it is entertaining.

Zombo spoke, "Well, Sir Crenshaw the third, I must inform you that we can't decide whether send you to the void or the light. This is the first time we've had this situation in over thirty seconds."

I must be going insane. What the fuck is this guy on? I died and then got sent to wherever this is, and now I have black Jesus telling me that they can't decide whether send me to void or light. I could be a better god than this shit. Whoever is in charge of this bullshit needs to fucking make a system or something. Send all the boring people to fucking firey wasteland, and sending the nonboring people to wait for heaven would suck. That would be boring. Fucking hell, this is hard.

The girl looked at me and sighed, "We can hear your thoughts, by the way. Just a little heads up before you embarrass yourself." she finished laughing.

Oh really, so if you can hear my thoughts, this is even better. I want to fuck the living shit out of you, demon girl. How about that for my fucking new life?

Zomob looked at me before snapping his hands, "I did not want to hear that."

Then don't fucking listen to people's thoughts.

Zombo continued, "Well, in this event, we usually just play poker to decide whether you go to the void or the light. But seeing as you don't want the light and don't seem afraid of the void, I'm unsure what to do."

"A fucking god that doesn't know what to do. I know how about I become a god! I'd make a great ruler, I mean, god." I said with a grin.

The girl's grin grew as she stared at me, "Ah, I see. I saw something in your memories that you said would be fun to live in. From what I can tell, the anime you watched had a good mix of both void and light. Re:Zero, right?"

Oh no… at the time, I thought it would be easy, but I don't want to go to that fucking dumb-ass world. Like, what is the power scaling in that shit? We got fucking Reinhard, who is a god but doesn't show up when needed. A shut-in character that is not in any regard weak. Who the fuck would die like seven times to learn a girl's name?

Regardless, it would be fun if I went to do it. Witches, dumbass fucking powers, all kinds of fun adventures. What happens if I die there?

I responded after thinking, "Alright, I got two questions. One is, will I be put in there as a fucking NPC character, or will I have broken abilities? Also, what happens if I die there?"

The girl smiled, "YES! I knew it! Usually, situations like this take around a century to solve. Okay, so what we'll do is will play a game. The world has authority and fucking Divine Protections, so I will play spin the ability, and you get one. Once you die, you'll return here and decide whether to send you to void or light."

So another pointless life great.

Zombo commented, "Hmmm, even the light does not interest you. How troublesome indeed, as we do not have any other location for you to go to. This is a one-time offer, so I can only assume that you feel fucked either way."

Yeah, great job, Zombo. Nailed the coffin on that one.

Numbers lady continued, "Hahaha… actually, that is sad. You earned one lifetime of my sympathy."

I know this demon chick is into me.

I reply, "How about this, if I get light, then I can help just people with your numbers, girl, and we can do other things as well."

The numbers girl begins to speak, but Zombo speaks first, "That is… remarkable. You have the brilliance equal to that of the Great Satan."

"Wait, no, you can't do this to me… I mean, I don't mind it but-"

I laughed, "For being fucking who knows how long old, reading you is like a book. It's honestly sad how, when I was a kid. I always wondered what happened when you died. Now I know you get sent to this shit show. What will my abilities be, and what happens if I go to the void? What the fuck even makes someone hit the criteria or whatever you guys have for rating humans?"

Zombo replied, "Oh, we don't care about the good and bad from Earth. We just look at your life and play; whoever wins gets to choose. It's like the lottery in your world. Anyways let me go ahead and summon the spin board that'll decide your fate."

Right, I don't give a fuck what I get. I will win.

I watched as Zombo summoned a giant fucking spin board with a bunch of names, mostly being a bunch of random names. I barely remember what the fuck abilities are in Re:Zero even is… do I even need an ability that'll make this boring? I can win without anything.

The board begins spinning for what feels like two seconds.

"Bahamut, the Dragon God of Annihilation"

The billboard can talk. Wait, what? What the fuck is Dragon God? What the fuck kind of ability is that?

The girl looked at me in shock, "That ability is not even from the world… Zombo, did you fuck it up?"

Zombo sighs, "I shall make adjustments according to the response. Sir Jake Crenshaw the third I must inform you that I will be sending you into a different time period of the world. Your ability is from another fiction. Unfortunately, I was reading it earlier, so it must've been added to the options."

What? What the fuck is going on? Dragon God of Annihilation, what am I fucking villain? Jesus, no, wait, no, saying that word.

"Ok, where and when will I be sent?"

Zombo continues, "You shall be sent to the period in that world where you shall either make a difference or not. Shall thus commence the journey."

"Wait you're not telling me WHERE OR WHEN THE FUCK I'M GOING?"

Zombo nods, "I shall thus give you a farewell and goodbye. Further, I shall warn you that if you say your name in this world, you will die."

I stare in annoyance at Zombo's weird personality change and then at the demon girl. Please help me…. Can u hear my thoughts?

"Wait, Zombo. Ok, listen, you're being sent to a period called the Great Calamity only before that. The author of this series hasn't written what happened, so I will use his soul to figure out what he had planned. Ok so relax give me a moment and…"

Great Calamity? What the fuck… tremendous, so I don't know my power but I'm a dragon god whatever that means, and for fuck sake. Whatever, I will win. I will become the Dragon King. Also, Demon chick is so into me even trying to help me when Zombo switched to dickhead move… what a pure soul.

I watched as two souls came into my vision, and the demon girl began to turn them into SD cards. What the fuck is she eating them? I must be on some crack or something no way this is real.

"Alright, Jake. So your powers are also unknown because the story's author that Zombo was reading is Highschool DxD… Zombo, your fucking weird, but anyways, we don't know its powers, but the author had some crazy shit in mind, so we used that. So well I wish you luck and I think you might be the person who can save that world… your still a fucking human but whatever."

She's so fucking perfect. Why is this reality so cruel? I would've spent the rest of my life with her… now I'm going to a world of bullshit. Just my luck.

"Alright, send me whenever."

Zombo nodded and Demon Girl gave me a smile as my vision become black and I began falling to the ground. Am I going to be instantly killed?

'Use your wings or you'll die.'

Who the fuck is that?

Wings, wings. WORK. What the fuck? It's not working. I'm falling. I'm going to die. FUCK.

I woke up in a room. Where am I?

"You're finally awake… I don't know how you survived that fall kid. My name is Hoshin. What's yours?"

Fuck I can't say my name… I'll use the name of the dragon, I guess.

"Bahamut. It's good to meet you."

So basically, Zombo is a major DxD fan and accidentally added some things to the spin board, so Jake got the Dragon God of Annihilation. So this will work because he is the dragon and has a humanoid form, while the dragon's soul is a voice in his head. In terms of power, he's not good if he was to use his full power, he'd destroy the world, so he can't. So he's not OP but strong enough to survive the bullshit that happens pre-calamity with Oni gods, witches, etc.

So yeah, OC, now Bahumat, will be in the world pre-calamity. Maybe he can stop the Witch of Envy from ever destroying the world? Who knows. Also, I will be removing the part of Reid's personality when he is a rapist because who the fuck wants that to be his character, Flugel/Satella are NOT Subaru or Emilia. So they have different personalities. But for now, Jake is somewhere with Hoshin.