Own Nothing
A sea of bodies swam aimlessly around her. Like goldfish trapped in a bowl, people were drifting from one area to another, making meaningless small talk as they weaved between each other. Their eyes cast sorrowful looks over to the silent man sat on the aging sofa, whilst low-toned whispers sang around him.
"Excuse me, everyone. "
Silence fell upon the room, and every head turned towards Jackson, who stood woefully by April's side, clutching her hand for support. He cleared his throat, though the crack in his voice was obvious.
"We'd just like to thank you all for coming today. Myself, and Richard," he started, gesturing over to the sofa, "we really appreciate you giving up your time to be here to celebrate my moms life. Please help yourself to as much food and as many beverages as you'd like. And..well, thank you again."
Jackson's head dropped as soon as he'd finished speaking, and he and April went over to join Richard, who's gaze still hadn't faltered from the coffee table that was overflowing with numerous bouquets. The sweet smell of the flowers kept tickling her nostrils. She wiggled her nose slightly, trying to distract herself from sneezing.
Amelia took a deep breath in. She hated funerals. And she hated wakes even more. She found nothing more awkward than standing in a room of grieving people with no idea what to do or say, because she knew all too well from first hand experience that no action or words could ever change the gut-wrenching tear that burned through your insides. Nothing anyone said or did would bring Catherine back. They all knew this day would come, but that didn't make any difference to them at all. Everything still hurt.
Her sea blue eyes scanned the room slowly. Richard sat sandwiched between April and Jackson, with Aprils hand sat lovingly on Richards thigh. Meredith was over by the speaker with Nick, and Maggie was tearfully watching over her father from the kitchen, with Winston stood protectively by her side. Amelia's eyes then wandered over to the bookcase, where Miranda, Ben, Teddy and Owen were deep in quiet conversation, whilst Link and Jo smiled lovingly at each other just a few feet over.
An empty pang suddenly vibrated inside her stomach. She knew now was not the time to make things about her, but she also couldn't help but sense a sickening loneliness boiling inside of her. All she wanted in that moment was Kai. Amelia had toyed with the idea of asking them to accompany her to the funeral, but ultimately decided that it probably wouldn't be a good idea. Besides, Kai barely knew Catherine, so it just didn't make any sense, and they had barely spoken since Kai moved to London, bar passing a few pleasantries back and fourth via text. But still, the loneliness lingered, and she could feel herself starting to get restless. People were slipping past her with numerous alcoholic beverages every other minute and she could feel that tingling need burning her throat. She had to get out of there.
Casting one last look over at her mentor, she was hit with a wave of guilt. How could she seriously stand there, feeling lonely of all things, when this wonderful man had yet again, lost another person he loved and adored.
Amelia bit down on her tongue and silently stepped out onto the balcony, sliding the door shut behind her. The crisp November air nipped at her face and made her shudder slightly.
She still couldn't believe she'd essentially compared a break up of a long distance partner to the death of someone's wife.
"Wow. You really are an ass." She mumbled to herself.
"But at least you have a nice one." A chipper voice spoke back.