Disclaimer - I don't own Harry Potter. This is written for Valentines Bingo and Froday amnesty for February 2023, but this is for the Little Special from January 2013 with this taking me twenty-one minutes to write. Prompt: Character: Alice Longbottom
Down a Black Rabbit Hole
"Are you a Pureblood, and if you are, will you go out with me?"
The slap rang throughout the Hogwarts hallway as Alice glared at the boy with black hair and gray eyes in front of her.
"I thought you were beyond all of that, Sirius Black," Alice rounded on the young man. "But how many times have I told you to bloody fuck off before!"
The young man held his cheek, staring. "I'm not Sirius."
"Of course you're Sirius," Alice sighed. "Who else besides a Black would have black hair and gray eyes, Mr. Black?"
The young man in front of her frowned, still holding his cheek, before plucking at his uniform. "Sirius is in Gryffindor, you know." He glanced away. "And I didn't mean anything by what I said."
Which was when she noticed the Slytherin colors. "Wait? Who are you?"
"Regulus Arcturus Black, not Sirius Orion Black," the boy said.
"You're in Slytherin. And you had the gall to ask about my blood status! Do you know how rude it is to prioritize someone's blood status over their personality?"
"Well, I'd much rather date and marry a Pureblood girl who doesn't care about another person's blood status than one who does," the boy said.
Alice frowned. "What?"
The boy sighed, looking at the ground, still holding his cheek. "Look. Sirius running away and getting kicked out of the family…." And then he stopped. "He's refused his duty as heir."
"And what does this have to do with me?" Alice said. She nodded towards the dungeons. "If you're so concerned about, well, you know, having a Pureblood wife, I'm sure there are plenty in Slytherin."
"Who wouldn't have anything to do with me until Sirius defected," the boy said. "Buy maman is already discussing arranging something with one of them." There was a frown on the face. "So I thought I'd beat her to the punch and find a girl who at least has a pleasant personality."
"Please tell me you haven't been going around asking all of the girls what their blood status is and if they'll date you if they're Pureblood?" Alice sighed.
"Yeah. Lily did say it was a bad idea," Regulus said, frowning. "Most of the girls just gave me a dirty look and went in the other direction. But from the way you slapped me, I'm guessing Lily was right, and I definitely crossed a social norm again."
"Again?" Alice said. She folded her arms. "And Lily? You're on a first-name basis with Lily Evans?"
"Lily's nice!" the boy said. "I want Sirius to clean up his act so they can get together."
"Sweetie, you do know Black's best friend James has his eyes set on Lily?" the girl said.
"Really?" Regulus said. "I like Potter, so I guess that would have the same result. Given Sirius thinks of Potter as…." And there came a pause, sighing. "But it wouldn't because Sirius doesn't consider me family."
"Wait? How are you related to Sirius Black?"
"He's me, or was my older brother," the boy said. "Until he deserted and left me being left to deal with the female members of our family trying to orchestrate a marriage. I mean, everyone prior to that would treat me as invisible, and I didn't have to worry about getting married."
Alice stared. "You're not sexually attracted to me, are you?" His gray eyes blinked. "Are you sexually attracted to anyone?"
"That means?"
"It means you find someone attractive?"
"You mean like Sirius," Regulus frowned. "I will not ogle girls in bikinis, thank you very much. Maman says that is unsavory and ungentlemanlike behavior. I don't see the draw."
"What about guys dressed in, I don't know, something as skimpy?"
"Ew," Regulus said. "I think that's even grosser." And then he paused, his face flushing. "You don't think Sirius has ever done that?"
Alice paused. "So," she took a deep breath. "How about this? Since you're obviously clueless, we temporary date?"
"Temporary date?" Regulus said.
"In other words, we date until one of us finds someone else."
"I don't think maman would approve."
"Yes, but I don't think she would approve of you blundering around like you are," Alice said. "And since I am Pureblood, it can get her off your back until you can, oh, I don't know, have me teach you how you should act around girls and some of these social norms you're not getting?"
Regulus brightened. "That would be nice! I really do hate not following social norms. And some of the ones my family said are, I'm finding aren't."
"I can't imagine why," Alice said, finding the boy in front of her amusing. "Plus, with the number of times your brother asked me out, if he were to find out." She nodded her head. "Yeah. Karma for your brother?"
"Really?" Regulus said. "Okay. He was rather mean leaving home like he did."
"Yes, he was," Alice said, sympathizing with the boy, not sure how any of this would turn out in the end.