The Next Morning
"Matt, Matt I need you." "WHO IS MATT?" John's voice rose. "You are my wife. You BELONG TO ME."
Kitty's eyes sprang open. It was a dream, a terrible, ridiculous dream. She sat up in bed and rubbed the back of her neck. The hotel room's mattress, like the overstuffed chair, was old and lumpy. She slid to the side of the bed and dangled her feet, still shaken by the dream. Being near Matt, hearing his voice, and seeing all he was reflected in the eyes of others, had opened floodgates. She'd realized anew why it was so damn hard to leave him in the first place.
She slid off the bed and opened her suitcase. Just one fresh blouse remained. She'd packed for a short stay, and after checking on Matt this morning, she should get the train to St. Louis. Her fiance, and her new life were waiting for her.
Moving without energy, she put on the clean, white blouse and slipped into the skirt she'd worn the day before. She picked up her hairbrush and stared in the mirror that hung above the dresser. Like most things in the room, it was frayed around the edges. She pulled the brush through her long, red hair, and pushed her mind to focus on the future. It was neatly laid out. She was going marry a man of some wealth, and have a place in St. Louis society. She'd have step-son, and hopefully a baby or two. John would provide an allowance for her every need, and all of her attention would go to home, family and the St. Louis social life.
She stopped the brush mid-air, and met her own eyes in the mirror. Be honest Russell, you certainly didn't leave Matt because you wanted a wealthy husband, or even needed to be married right now. And although at times, you've felt a powerful, visceral pull toward motherhood, you've always known a woman's life can be happy, full and rich with love, without having or raising children.
With a heavy sigh she set the brush aside. She'd walked away from marriage, home and a baby more than once. Having those things was not the real issue. She left Matt because he could not, or would not, point to a path for them to take together – a hope. a goal, a way to build a future to share. She needed at least that. But even now, badly wounded as he was, when visitors spoke of him bouncing back, Matt nodded reassuringly, as if all he wanted was to be a lawman forever, living day by day. Only one thing had changed in the months since she left. Another woman was in Matt's life, Gail Gleason. There was nothing for her in Dodge City anymore, no reason to stay.
With a last glance in the mirror, she steeled herself to go to Doc's. This time she wouldn't leave a note, she'd say goodbye to Matt. With that difficult task before her, she left the room, giving no thought to the engagement ring that remained in her skirt pocket.
She stepped out if the hotel, for what truly be her final day in Dodge. The sun was bright and she squinted as she hurried down Front Street, rehearsing words to say to Matt.
"Kitty, whoa there Kitty." She looked up. "Sorry Doc, I didn't mean to walk right by you. I was just thinking hard. Are you off to see a patient?"
"No." Doc ran a hand across his mustache. "Might as well tell you, Kitty. As soon as Barney sends the telegram the entire town will know. Kitty, after Matt had all those visitors talking like he'd bounce right up and be back on the job, I knew I had to have a serious talk with him. Matt's stomach wound is serious. Walking will be hard at first, and his shot up leg won't make it any easier. Riding a horse any distance won't be possible for a while, and the bullet he took in his back 3 years ago, won't help that any. Under the circumstances, Matt's held up remarkably well. To my way of thinking, he's one for the medical books But there are limits to what the human body can withstand, without compromise. I know darn well that for Matt, compromise means not doing the job the way he thinks it's gotta be done. I figured it was time for some straight talk. In the end, Matt was honest with himself. He decided the best thing he could do for everyone, was to pass the torch – give up the badge." Doc shook a piece of paper in the air. "You know Matt, once he decides something, he takes action, so he wrote out his resignation for the War Department. I'm heading to the telegraph office to have Barney send it. I'd better get to it. See you later, Kitty."
Doc hurried off. Kitty's heart began to pound. Were things changing? Was Matt ready to look to the future? Did they have a chance? Maybe his relationship to Gail wasn't what she thought it was. She walked faster trying not to run, and hurried up the stairs to Doc's. The front door was ajar. She quietly pushed it open. Matt and Gail were deep in conversation. Gail had comforting hand on his shoulder. "Matt you are a smart, capable man. You have the respect and admiration of a whole lot of people. You'll see, there will be many paths to choose from for the future."
Matt looked into her eyes. "You are amazing Gail. I want to help make every minute of your future happy."
Kitty blinked back tears. She'd lost Matt. Returning to him was not possible. The choice wasn't hers to make. He'd moved on – why wouldn't he? She'd left him. Suddenly unable to breath, she gasped. Matt heard and looked over, "Kitty, what's wrong? Come in, sit down."
"No I…" She turned sharply to leave. Her skirt brushed against the door. Her engagement ring fell from her pocket and bounced across the floor. Three pairs of eye stared at the big, beautiful diamond ring, until it settled in one spot. The room was silent. Matt stammered "Kitty, that's a – you – you have an engagement ring. You're getting married. Why did you hide it? What were you thinking?"
"It doesn't matter, does it?" She scrambled to pick up the ring, shoved it on her finger and hurried out the door. Blinded by tears she half walked/half ran to the Dodge House. She'd return to St. Louis as fast as she could, and have a happy life. This detour into Dodge would one day seem just silly. Everything was good.
Inside room 21 she slammed the door shut, and threw her clothes into her suitcase without bothering to fold them. A train to St. Louis was leaving in two hours, she'd be on it.
A soft knock at the door. A second knock. A third.
Exasperated, Kitty yelled. "Who is it?"
"Gail"
Resisting the urge to say – go away, Kitty threw the door open and was shocked to see the raven-haired woman struggling to breath. "M-m-mind if I come in and sit?" Kitty stepped aside. Even if Gail had run full speed from Doc's, she shouldn't be so breathless. "Do you want a drink of water?'
Gail shook her head, and sunk down into the armchair. "I just need a second." After a few gulping breathes she started to breath normally, and looked at Kitty. "Why did you hide your engagement from Matt?"
Kitty shrugged. The real answer was too complex to explain, even to herself. "I-I – well he was wounded, and I guess I thought knowing I was engaged would upset him."
Gail's dark brown eyes bore into Kitty. "I can't believe it's as simple as that. Kitty, I know Matt's in love with you. You love him too, it's written all over your face every time you look at him. So, as a Matt's friend, I'm trying to figure out what's going on."
"How can you say Matt's in love with me? I heard you two talking about the future. I would have given anything to hear Matt say that word, future, to me."
Gail frowned trying to remember what Kitty might have overheard. Realization struck. "You misunderstood. Matt's taking off the badge, and I was assuring him he had a future filled with opportunities, and he – he truly wants to help make every minute of my future happy, because, I-I don't have much of a future. Kitty, Matt knows I'm dying. It's a heart disease. Doc has a fancy name for it. The doctor I saw before I came here told me that name too. I choose not to commit it to memory. I have 6 months, maybe less, a year would be a miracle. Doc and Matt are the only ones in Dodge who know. Matt – he's a wonderful man. He treats me like a person, not a disease, and I try to be a real friend to him. Believe me, it's a gift for me to still be able to help someone I care about. Matt and I are not in love, we're not making plans for the future. We're friends helping each other the best way we know how.
Kitty didn't move. She didn't know what to say. Gail reached out and took her hand. "Kitty, go talk to him. I've never seen two people who love each other the way you two do. Maybe that's not enough to stake the rest of your life on, but if you can make it work, hold on to it and don't let go." Kitty slowly nodded. "Thank you."
"Go to him, Kitty. I'll just sit here for a bit. Go, go."
Kitty kissed Gail's cheek and hurried back to Doc's with her engagement ring still on her finger. She pushed open the door. Matt was lying flat, eyes shut. She sat down on the side of the bed. He looked at her, his eyes accusing or puzzled or hurt, or maybe all three.. "Why Kitty, why did you hide the fact that you're engaged?"
"Gail asked me the same thing. I don't have a ready answer, it's complicated."
"I imagine so."
They sat in silence. Matt slowly pulled himself to a sitting position, stifling a groan. "You're wearing the ring now. When are you going back?"
Kitty bit her lower lip and shook her head. She desperately needed to sort things out, but didn't know how to begin. "Damn it Matt, I love you. But I need to know if we have a chance. I need to know if we can build a life together."
"Kitty, you know how I feel, but I can't give you anywhere near the things the man who bought that diamond ring can."
"That's not what I'm asking. Matt you're taking off the badge. Are you going to embrace the future, and make the most of it, or will you just slink off somewhere to survive day by day?"
He flinched – her eyes widened – both taken aback by her harshness. "Matt, I'm sorry. No, actually I'm not. Matt, you have decisions to make. I need to know what you're choosing, because I have to make choices too.""
He stared past her, his face unreadable. The minutes ticked by. He took a breath. "Kitty, I never planned for surviving this long. Now that I'm here, there's a different way of thinking I have to get used to – I want to get used to." He reached over to the table, that stood at the head of the bed, and picked up a folded piece of paper. "Barney dropped this telegram off, just a minute ago. It's about my resignation. I reckon after the Reynolds gang, folks in Washington started viewing me in a different way. Even I realized, I accomplished more working behind the scenes, than I could have leading a posse." He handed her the telegram. She read aloud:
Resignation accepted. Your expertise needed. Several job offers to follow next week.
He looked at her with the most uncertainty she'd ever seen in his eyes. "Kitty, I don't know what or where those jobs will be, but when we find out, maybe we can do some thinking together, and decide what works best for us, each of us, and both of us. That is, if that's enough for you to go on."
A sense of happiness and ease washed over her. "It damn well is, Matt Dillon." She very carefully slid beside him in the narrow bed, and cuddled as close as she dared. "I have missed you in so many ways Matt." He wrapped an arm around her.. "So how do go from here? We didn't say it much, but we both always figured we'd get married, if we ever got this far. But Kitty, you're engaged to somebody else."
"I know." She looked down at her engagement ring. "I should go back to St. Louis to call the wedding off. I owe it to John to do it face to face.
"It won't be easy, will it? Telling him, I mean. I don't know who the man is, but you wouldn't marry just anybody."
Kitty nodded. "He's a good man Matt, and he has a son who I've grown attached to and who's grown attached to me." She reluctantly removed herself from Matt's arms and sat up on the edge of the bed.. "I'm also the co-owner of a business in St. Louis, but that's the easy part. I'll deal with that by mostly by mail. Right now I should get to the train. The sooner I talk to John, the better." She leaned over and kissed Matt's lips, savoring the taste and feel. "I'll be back in Dodge as soon as I can." She went to the door but paused and turned to looked at Matt.. "When Gail comes by, remind her of how wonderful she is, and tell her that she's going to be the maid of honor at a wedding."
TBC